Aug. 14, 2024

You Are Making This Too Hard

You Are Making This Too Hard

Joy vs Happiness. Happiness can be fleeting from hour to hour but joy is a sense and feeling that can create that inner sense of peace and fulfillment.
Angelo Valenti has made it his goal to help others understand that they can change the outcome of...

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Joy vs Happiness. Happiness can be fleeting from hour to hour but joy is a sense and feeling that can create that inner sense of peace and fulfillment.
Angelo Valenti has made it his goal to help others understand that they can change the outcome of their lives by changing the inner workings of their subconscious mind. Rather than letting others and circumstances control our lives, we can take control and move forward in a new and fulfilling path.
https://angelovalenti.com

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This program is designed to provide general information with regards

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to the subject matters covered. This information is given with

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the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station

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are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial, legal, counseling,

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professional service, or any advice. You should seek the services

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of competent professionals before applying or trying any suggested ideas.

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At the end of the day, it's not about what

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you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what

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you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up,

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who you've made better. It's about what you've given back.

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Denzel Washington, welcome to Inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is

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to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you.

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To do the same. Angelo, welcome to the show.

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Thank you. I'm I'm very happy to be here sided

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for this discussion.

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I think it's going to be really interesting. So let

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the audience know who you are, your background, and how

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did you get to the point that you're not only

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working with businesses but now individuals.

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Sure, I got my undergraduate degree from Case Western Reserve.

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I'm from Cleveland, Ohio originally, so that's where I went

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to college in psychology, and I went to the University

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of Georgia earned my master's and my PhD in psychology

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in the early to mid seventies. I taught college for

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four years at Oklahoma City University on psychology and then

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kind of made a career shift and joined a consulting firm.

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In nineteen eighty Rohr International, which is a big international

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psychological consulting firm. Moved into their Memphis office and worked

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with them for a couple of years, and in nineteen

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eighty two, I had a great opportunity to start my

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own practice in Nashville, Tennessee. So I jumped on it

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and I've been working with businesses and individuals ever since.

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The name of my consulting business is the Company's Psychologist,

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and I came up with that name. When I started,

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I was just using my name. And then in the

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late nineties, everybody started to have to have a website.

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You had to have a website, and so I said, well,

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I can't just call the website myself. So what am

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I going to name my business? And I realized that

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my clients were always saying, you know, the next step

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in the hiring process is for you to visit with

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our company psychologists. So I said, well, they named my

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client's names, they named my business. So I've been the

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company psychologist since nineteen eighty two.

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Oh my goodness. Oh that's great, that's great. Well, and

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you know, you know the interesting thing that I find,

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and you know, we talked about business versus individuals. What

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I have found is that there's so many times, as

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I worked with very small businesses for a while, it's

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interesting that whatever you're teaching them principle wise, in many

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cases in business flows right into their individual life.

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Well sure, and.

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Also I don't know how you know what your specific

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responsibilities were, but it would be interesting for me as

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you are helping these companies to hire people, right right.

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Do you find that you use any type of behavioral

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analysis to kind of get a sense of their personality

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and who they are and where they're going to fit

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in the job.

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Yes, I've used standardized assessments for the whole time, the

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entire time I've been in business. You're probably familiar with

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some of them. I use the sixteen PF, which is

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a personality test. I use the DISC which is a

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behavior test. I've got a test that measures motivation. I've

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got one that measures soft skills. And one of the

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great things about using those standardized assessments is you can

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compare people apples to apples because they're both taking the

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same assessment. It's not quite as subjective, and you can

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come up with some objective data that you can use

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to benchmark various positions and come up with kind of

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a standard or a template that people who fit this

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template have a tendency to do better in that particular

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organization then people who don't fit the.

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Template, right, And you know, it's so interesting. I'm very

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familiar with the disc but the with the company though

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that has gone and included some of the things you

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talked about as far as values and motivators and all

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those types of things. So what I find interesting and yes,

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you know, you can use that to really determine an

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individual as far as are they going to fit into

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this position. For instance, you know, you get a high

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achiever with no interest in money and more interested in art,

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all of a sudden, they're not a great salesperson.

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Right exactly.

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So what I find interesting in that is you take

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that and then you move that into individual situations and

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you move that into individual relationships and based on your experience,

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if you use that for that, what have you found

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that these evaluations, and you know, behavioral evaluations actually can

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do for let's say a couple that are struggling and

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you know, really challenged in their relationship, and where can

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that play a role?

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Well, it's that's a great question because the this in

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particular is used in relationship counseling because it identifies a

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person's behavioral style and everybody's got a behavioral style that's

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a combination of the dominance, influence, steadiness and compliance. And

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let's let's see, for example, you have a couple where

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the man is fire on dominance and the woman is

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higher on compliance. Well, just in communicating those two people

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communicating with one another, the man's going to be tend

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to be more bottom line, abrupt, give me the bullet

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points where the woman more likely to want to give

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a more complete explanation of her point and take it

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point by point. And what wants that from him? So

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she wants a more detail from him, He wants less

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detail detail from her. And if you're not careful, you

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can end up with people who just have so much

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difficulty communicating with one another that they both just feel

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like it's easier to keep their mouths shut and not

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communicate at all.

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And so where you have that situation, how do you

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help them to bring together that so you know, you've

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got your high D, you know strong, you've got whether

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it's a you know an I, R N S that

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you know really wants that emotional part coming in, how

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do you deal with that and help the couple to

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understand how to communicate in a way that actually improves

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their relationship versus the challenges that they're having.

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Well, there's a natural tendency for people to dig in

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when there's when there's conflict, they're going to have a

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tendency to dig into their position, or their point of

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view or their approach. And when you do that, there's

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no movement either way and nothing gets resolved. So what

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I try to teach people, especially using the disc for example,

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is it's up to each person to adapt their behavior

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to an extent to the other person's style. In other words,

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if the man, as I mentioned, wants quick bullet points

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get to the bottom line, if the woman is more

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willing to maybe not give his completed explanation and recognize

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that she's she's more likely to get her point across,

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she's a little quicker getting to it, and he needs

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to realize that she wants more complete information, She wants

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you to talk more and wants to go into more detail.

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So if you're willing to do that a little bit,

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you're never going to be the flip on the other

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side of the disc wheel, if you will. But if

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you can be a little more sensitive to what the

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other person's needs are and adapt to them, and if

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they're doing the same thing, you kind of meet in

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the middle and you have a much better chance of

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at least communicating in a way that both people are

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going to be more comfortable with.

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Yes, And that is, in my mind, the key to

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communication is really sicking to understand and really absolutely understanding

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that person. So you've written a book.

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Talk about your book.

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Well, I've written the latest one.

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Yeah, the last one was twenty something years ago. The

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title of this book is you're making this way too hard.

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Find your easy way to enjoy life. And if you've

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looked at the book, you'll notice in the title that

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I spelled enjoy life in an unusual way.

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Yes, I noticed that.

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And it's spelled njoy lf feed. And the reason I

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did that is because that has been my license plate

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since nineteen ninety one, njoy lf F. So I'm driving

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around Nashville and other parts of the country within dooy

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life as my philosophy of life really on the back

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of my car. And it's surprising how many comments I

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get about my license plate. And most people say, oh, that,

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what a great idea, what a great license plate. And

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when they say it's what's a great license plate? I say,

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it's not a license plate, it's a philosophy, philosophy of life.

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And one out of a thousand people will say, why

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do you have no joy in life written on your

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license plate? And those people probably need to reevaluate their

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attitude for the world. And I say, to all now

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one on earth, what I have no joy in life

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on my license plate? I have a very positive, optimistic

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attitude about life. I'm seventy five years old and I

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still have a positive optimistic attitude in spite of everything

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I've seen and been through. And my book is aimed

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at people who have allowed themselves to forget the joy

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that they used to feel when they were little kids

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or the joy that they felt at earlier points in

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their life.

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Well, and I know that you make a distinguishment between

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the joy and happiness. Can you can you kind of

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share with the audience what that is in your experience.

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Happiness, to me is transitory. You can be happy, unhappy, sad,

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thirty forty fifty times day. And I'll give the example

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that I use in my book, and because it's an

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easy example for people to relate to. Let's say you're

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watching a football game and your favorite team's playing your

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bitter rivals. So you score a touchdown in the first

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five minutes of the game. Your team does, and you're happy.

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Then the other team roars back and takes a file

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sit a three point lead in the second quarter. You're unhappy.

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You go back, you tie the score at halftime, you're happy.

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They run back the second half kickoff, You're unhappy. You

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come back and you score ten points, you take the lead.

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You're happy. They come back and they score a touchdown.

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You're unhappy. You tie the game up with two minutes left.

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You're happy, a little bit happier. Then they kick the

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field goal with three seconds left and you use lose

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the game, and you're unhappy. So you run the whole

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gamut of emotions in a three three and a half

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hour period all about a football game. That really doesn't

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mean anything.

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It's true, right, It has no impact on your real

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life unless you have a financial interest in the game,

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which a lot of people do now, which makes the

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highs and the lows even more extreme.

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Yeah, and joy is something that's more long lasting. You

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can feel joy all the time. Okay, there are going

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to be some aspects of your life where you're not

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going to feel quite as joyful. But if you can

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learn to find joy in the simple things in life,

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and for example, you know, heading a puppy, watching a sunrise,

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sitting by a lake, and just thinking things that give

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you real pleasure in not in the hedonistic sense of

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the word, but in the I'm glad to be a

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lie sense of the word. Those can be very simple things.

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You don't have to go out of your way really

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experience joy. It's all around you if you just look

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for it and let it in when you find it.

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Well, and I love that because it really, in my

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mind is such a deep, as you say, all inclusive

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feeling of you know, you take happiness and then you

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just move it into that higher level of true joy,

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which I love. So, how do people really move their

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lives from the chaos that they experience emotionally to that

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level of joy in their lives? What has been your

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experience as you've had your practice and as you've done

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these other things right?

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Well, in my experience, people have allowed outside influences, outside forces,

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dictate their feelings, dictate how they feel about themselves, how

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they feel about the world. They listen to the noise,

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and there's noise all around us. It comes from media.

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It comes from their friends, it comes from their family,

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it comes from almost it's social media especially. They're bombarded

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with information, misinformation, disinformation, artificially presented scenarios of other people's lives,

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and they start to feel like they don't measure up,

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They start to feel less than they should. And I

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encourage my clients to focus on what can you control,

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Focus on what you can control. You can control how

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you react the situations. You can control, decisions that you make.

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And I think a person's life where they are today

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is a combination of all of the decisions that they've

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made up to now and the quality of their relationships.

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And we too many people allow themselves to get into

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unfulfilling I won't say toxic, but I'll say unfulfilling relationships

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just because they feel like being in that relationship is

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better than not being in a relationship at all. And

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I might argue that being in an unfulfilling relationship is

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worse than not being in.

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Yeah, Ultimately, I think that has an even deeper difficult

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you know, situation that goes on and you know it

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really can affect you in a deletarious way.

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Well sure, sure, So I really want people to focus

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on self care, self love, get yourself in as good

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as shape as you possibly can. I mean, without being

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a fanatic about it. I'm just saying there's little things

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people can do to improve their lives and improve how

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they feel about themselves. You know, if you want to

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get in better shape, you don't have to run a marathon.

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Take a walk for twenty or thirty minutes a day.

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Studies have shown that if you walk for thirty minutes

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a day, it has tremendous health and benefits. And anybody

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can find someplace to walk for thirty.

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Minutes a day, right, Well, that's true, that's very true.

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So as we talk about that one thing that comes

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to my mind. And I don't know how much you've

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gotten into this aspect, but you know, you talk about

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the outside influences and all of that noise that can

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affect us, but a lot of that noise is, at

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least in my experience, is really subconscious. They don't even

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realize that the noise is sure. And that has to

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do with, as you say, the imprints from family growing

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up and so on and so forth, and even and

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I don't know if you've had any experience with this,

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but even when we start talking about generational or DNA memory,

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that literally sciences showing can affect subconsciously our experiences in life.

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How do you help people to really delve into that,

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to get to the point where they begin to understand that,

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oh wow, my response to this is based on this emotion,

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which is based on this situation, which quite frankly, if

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I really look at it carefully, I can reframe that

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in a way that is not affecting me negatively.

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Well, it really is about reframing a person's latitude and

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how they look at situations. I don't encourage people really

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to delve into their path. I'm not a therapist. I'm

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a consultant and a coat. Yes, so my focus really

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isn't on the past. And one of the things that

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I tell my clients early on is that your past

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can either be your teacher or your jailer, and you

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have to make the decision which one it's going to be.

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It's really you can learn from the good things you've

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done in the past, the mistakes you've made, the influences

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that have been important to you in your past. But

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if you stay there, if you're stuck there, then you're

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never going to be able to grow as a person,

293
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as a professional because you're caught in the jail of

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your past. And the end, the only way to break

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out of that is start thinking about just because a

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situation was a certain way at one point doesn't mean

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it has to be that way in drown.

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Well, And you know, I think, as you say that

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the mental focus, people can get into so much trouble

300
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by just focusing on the past. But at least in

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my experience, focusing on the past from the perspective of

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learning lessons, being grateful for those lessons, and the expressing

303
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that gratitude, whether it's in meditation or prayer or how whatever.

304
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You want to call it. The reality is is that

305
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when they do that, it changes the effect of that situation.

306
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You absolutely hit the nail on the head. The idea

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of learning from me. You know people are where people

308
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say all the time, well, I don't look at it

309
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as a mistake. I look at it as a learning experience.

310
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Well it's become a cliche. But if you take the

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attitude of what's the lesson here? What can I take

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away from this that can help me in the future.

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If you have a learning mindset and you have a

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growth mindset, then you can really you can find something

315
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that you can use to your benefit later on if

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you're just looking for it. And so many people just

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focus on all the bad bad that's happened or how

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it negatively affected them, and they don't look at it

319
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as well, maybe maybe there is a lesson, but the

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painful lesson. You know, the problem with experience as a

321
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teacher is that gives the test first and the lesson afterwards. Well,

322
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you can learn from your experiences if you just have

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that mind and it is a mindset. So much of

324
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so much of your life is how you approach it.

325
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It's not really what happens to you. It's how you

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react to what happens to you.

327
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Oh, and that that is so true, and you know

328
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you talk about and this is something that a lot

329
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of people talk about that I found is how important

330
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it is to love yourself.

331
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Right.

332
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But I did an interview and I said, I put

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the bet in there. I did an interview the other

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day and they were talking about relationships and talking about

335
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you know, too much focus on loving yourself without being

336
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in a relationship and learning and that actually helps you

337
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to love yourself greater as you are in a positive relationship.

338
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What are your thoughts about that? And how does one

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positively learn to love themselves and avoid going into a

340
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direction that it becomes negative?

341
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Right, Well, you don't want to become narcissistic. But loving

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yourself just means recognizing your value and your worth as

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a person. It means taking care of yourself. It means

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not running yourself down in what you think and say

345
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and do. So many people talk negatively about themselves and

346
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they start believing it, and often they can get help

347
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from people who are willing to talk negatively about them also,

348
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so then it just reinforces what they how they feel

349
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about themselves. So I just encourage people to say nice

350
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things about themselves. Everybody has worth, everybody has values, everybody's

351
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good at something, So feel free to complement yourself. Why not.

352
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It doesn't have to be in public. You can say, oh,

353
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that's a pretty good job I did right there. And

354
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you know that you can reprogram your mind by changing

355
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what you think and what you say about yourself and

356
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about others and about life. So I think the point

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of self love is if you're not the kind of

358
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person that can love themselves and appreciate their worth and value,

359
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why would you expect somebody else to love you and

360
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appreciate your worth and value. And I think when you

361
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appreciate your value, it's easier for you to appreciate the

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value of another person, because that's what you're looking for

363
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in a relationship where both people appreciate each other's value.

364
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What they go ahead?

365
00:23:07.240 --> 00:23:09.680
Sorry, well, no, no, no, I was just going to say.

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With with your coaching individuals, have you have you seen

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where there may be some real trauma and chaos going

368
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on in a relationship where if you help the one

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one person you're coaching individually to really start to love

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themselves appreciate their value. Do you find that that has

371
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a total effect on the relationship itself.

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Well, that it hasn't come up that often because I'm

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I'm mostly working good with individuals. But I will say

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that when I can work with that person to get

375
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them to appreciate themselves their value more, then we can

376
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talk about how does that how's that going to affect

377
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your relationship with your partner? Can you start to see

378
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some of the things that you were critical about? Can

379
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you start to see the value then them as a person.

380
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And in my book, I talk about quirks as being

381
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the key to a successful relationship, and I don't really

382
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believe it's true. Everybody has quirk you know, the little

383
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idiosyncrasies that some people find endearing and other people find irritating.

384
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And if you could if two people can find each

385
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other's quirks endearing, I think you got a chance to

386
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have a great successful relationship.

387
00:24:33.519 --> 00:24:36.279
Yeah. I think it makes all the difference in the world.

388
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You know, going back to the disktest, one of the

389
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interesting things I find the behavioral analysis is that at

390
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least the one that I use really talks about our

391
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core personality who we are right, talks about that mirror

392
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personality or social personality of who we quote need to be,

393
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and then obviously it has a combination of all of

394
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that to our consciousness. But my question is this, why

395
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do so many of us fall into that social or

396
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maror personality and literally live an imposter's life because we

397
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are doing everything, we are behaving, we are doing, we're

398
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saying everything that we think people want us to do.

399
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In other words, we are at the effect of our environment.

400
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Other people literally are controlling.

401
00:25:30.720 --> 00:25:35.079
Us, right, and we've kind of been conditioned to do that.

402
00:25:36.359 --> 00:25:38.920
If you want other people to like you, you have

403
00:25:39.000 --> 00:25:41.799
to do certain things. If you want to be respected

404
00:25:41.880 --> 00:25:45.359
by other people, you have to do certain things. Well,

405
00:25:46.240 --> 00:25:50.279
what people don't realize is that nobody cares about them

406
00:25:50.480 --> 00:25:54.160
as much as they care about themselves. Most people are

407
00:25:54.200 --> 00:25:58.880
just interested in their own life. And really, you think

408
00:25:59.240 --> 00:26:02.599
that you're doing things to please another person, there you'll

409
00:26:02.599 --> 00:26:05.839
fit in with that group of people, and if most

410
00:26:05.839 --> 00:26:07.880
of the time they don't care one way or the other,

411
00:26:09.240 --> 00:26:12.440
you're putting on a show for an audience that's not

412
00:26:12.599 --> 00:26:17.920
even attending the play, and so you end up wondering

413
00:26:18.039 --> 00:26:22.480
why why that your relationships aren't good, why you don't

414
00:26:23.200 --> 00:26:25.440
you're not achieving the things that you want to achieve

415
00:26:25.920 --> 00:26:29.319
is because you're playing the wrong game. If you're just

416
00:26:29.440 --> 00:26:33.039
true to yourself and be authentic with yourself, you're going

417
00:26:33.119 --> 00:26:37.079
to find that the people who value that are going

418
00:26:37.160 --> 00:26:39.599
to be drawn to you, and you're going to have

419
00:26:39.680 --> 00:26:46.880
higher quality relationships than the superficial relationships of the people

420
00:26:46.880 --> 00:26:49.599
that you're trying to impress or you're trying to be

421
00:26:49.799 --> 00:26:51.119
different for.

422
00:26:52.599 --> 00:26:55.640
Well. And as you say, and you use the word mindset,

423
00:26:55.720 --> 00:26:58.920
and I think that that becomes so important when I

424
00:26:58.960 --> 00:27:00.839
talk to people about I say, you know what, if

425
00:27:01.440 --> 00:27:06.960
you're in that social personality situation, you have two choices.

426
00:27:07.359 --> 00:27:10.359
You can either be at the effect of that and

427
00:27:10.400 --> 00:27:11.920
say I've got to be this way, I've got to

428
00:27:11.960 --> 00:27:14.519
do this, I've got to do that, which means you

429
00:27:14.599 --> 00:27:18.160
really are not in control of yourself, versus going in

430
00:27:18.279 --> 00:27:22.119
and saying okay, based on the situation, I will behave

431
00:27:22.200 --> 00:27:24.720
this way although it's not really me. I will behave

432
00:27:24.799 --> 00:27:28.519
this way so that they are comfortable and literally they

433
00:27:28.519 --> 00:27:31.319
are now in control of that. And I think that

434
00:27:31.960 --> 00:27:35.680
being a victim versus being in control is a huge,

435
00:27:35.839 --> 00:27:36.759
huge difference.

436
00:27:37.440 --> 00:27:42.920
Oh absolutely, it's totally different. The victim mentality is what

437
00:27:43.119 --> 00:27:45.920
causes a lot of people to stay miserable. They feel

438
00:27:45.960 --> 00:27:50.359
because they feel like they're being put upon. Everybody's out

439
00:27:50.400 --> 00:27:55.319
to get them. Nobody understands me, right, And if you're

440
00:27:55.400 --> 00:27:59.480
if you're if you feel like a victim by definition,

441
00:28:00.160 --> 00:28:03.359
you don't think you can get out of whatever situation

442
00:28:03.559 --> 00:28:09.240
that you're in, and often it's a prison of your

443
00:28:09.240 --> 00:28:12.640
own making. I mean, you have choices people. You hear

444
00:28:12.720 --> 00:28:14.839
people say all the time, I didn't have any choice. Well,

445
00:28:14.839 --> 00:28:17.519
that's not true that you had more choices. You just

446
00:28:17.799 --> 00:28:20.359
they might have been more painful or more uncomfortable and

447
00:28:20.480 --> 00:28:24.559
more difficult than what they were willing to do, but

448
00:28:24.680 --> 00:28:29.920
they had more choices. So if you change your from

449
00:28:29.960 --> 00:28:31.880
the victim.

450
00:28:31.720 --> 00:28:33.799
I'll give you an example in the book, I said,

451
00:28:34.039 --> 00:28:37.200
in life, you're either the puppet or the puppeteer. Okay,

452
00:28:37.799 --> 00:28:42.279
if you believe outside forces control you, or faith controls you,

453
00:28:42.799 --> 00:28:47.599
or your past experiences control you, you're the puppet. If

454
00:28:47.599 --> 00:28:50.960
you believe you control yourself and you control your outcomes

455
00:28:50.960 --> 00:28:54.599
and you take responsibility for your behavior, you're the puppeteer.

456
00:28:54.839 --> 00:28:56.920
What would you rather be? The puppet or the puppeteer.

457
00:28:58.400 --> 00:29:00.759
So, when you're working with a client, and you notice

458
00:29:00.799 --> 00:29:04.880
that they're the puppet. How do you help them to

459
00:29:05.200 --> 00:29:08.559
move from puppet? And I love that analogy, by the way,

460
00:29:08.720 --> 00:29:10.200
from puppet to puppeteer.

461
00:29:11.160 --> 00:29:14.799
Well, it takes time because people have gotten to be

462
00:29:14.960 --> 00:29:22.440
comfortable as a puppet, because it's easier to blame the fates,

463
00:29:23.400 --> 00:29:27.799
to blame other people, to blame circumstances than it is

464
00:29:27.839 --> 00:29:32.519
to take responsibility for yourself and recognize that where I am,

465
00:29:33.000 --> 00:29:37.400
I've made decisions along the way that paused me to

466
00:29:37.640 --> 00:29:40.839
end up where I am so.

467
00:29:40.880 --> 00:29:44.720
And you, yeah, you tend to attract Hey, have you

468
00:29:44.799 --> 00:29:49.000
noticed that people that are really into that, not really

469
00:29:49.039 --> 00:29:51.480
into it, but they really are victims in that respect

470
00:29:51.519 --> 00:29:55.880
their puppets, that they end up continuing to attract the

471
00:29:55.960 --> 00:30:00.200
same experiences in their lives as puppets unless they mindfully

472
00:30:00.440 --> 00:30:02.440
make a decision to change. Oh.

473
00:30:02.480 --> 00:30:07.960
Absolutely, because again it's become their comfort zone. They're used

474
00:30:08.000 --> 00:30:11.759
to other people pulling the strings and it absolves them

475
00:30:11.880 --> 00:30:15.720
of any responsibility and it makes it easy for them

476
00:30:15.759 --> 00:30:20.200
to assign blame when things don't go with So, you

477
00:30:20.240 --> 00:30:24.240
know that shift to taken responsibility for yourself and for

478
00:30:24.319 --> 00:30:29.920
the decisions that you've made up to now, it's difficult,

479
00:30:30.519 --> 00:30:33.680
but it's worthwhile, and the people that I work with

480
00:30:33.799 --> 00:30:36.559
have recognized at least I want to try to work

481
00:30:36.599 --> 00:30:39.519
on this because I realized that I don't want to

482
00:30:39.559 --> 00:30:43.960
be in a puppet anymore. And you know, a large

483
00:30:44.039 --> 00:30:48.359
number of those people make dramatic changes just by recognizing

484
00:30:50.400 --> 00:30:55.119
I can control the decisions that I'm making. I can

485
00:30:55.160 --> 00:31:00.119
control my choices, and your choices determine the direction in

486
00:31:00.160 --> 00:31:01.000
your life's gonna go.

487
00:31:01.599 --> 00:31:04.599
Any stories you have that are dramatic about that that

488
00:31:04.680 --> 00:31:05.160
you can.

489
00:31:05.039 --> 00:31:12.319
Share, well, let me let me let me think I'm

490
00:31:12.359 --> 00:31:14.319
having trouble coming up with one off the top of

491
00:31:14.359 --> 00:31:17.480
my head, but oh well, I will. I will give

492
00:31:17.480 --> 00:31:21.440
you one example. That's that's from my book. I was

493
00:31:21.480 --> 00:31:27.720
teaching college and it was a night class and this

494
00:31:28.039 --> 00:31:32.359
very large gentleman walks into my classroom. Weighed four hundreds,

495
00:31:32.400 --> 00:31:37.599
as he told me later, Wow, And he said, I

496
00:31:37.799 --> 00:31:42.200
just got my fourth divorce, I'm going back to school

497
00:31:42.480 --> 00:31:47.440
after twenty years, and I'm going to lose two hundred pounds.

498
00:31:48.240 --> 00:31:51.000
So this was a guy. I wasn't even working with him.

499
00:31:51.039 --> 00:31:54.720
I was his teacher, I was his professor, but he

500
00:31:55.119 --> 00:31:59.559
had made the mind shift that he wasn't going to

501
00:31:59.640 --> 00:32:03.200
live the life that he had been living because he

502
00:32:03.319 --> 00:32:07.440
recognized that he'd made a number of bad choices along

503
00:32:07.480 --> 00:32:10.599
the way. So I said, God bless you. If you're

504
00:32:10.599 --> 00:32:13.640
going to lose two hundred pounds in a year, I

505
00:32:13.680 --> 00:32:16.279
want to see it, God bless you. You know what

506
00:32:16.319 --> 00:32:18.880
could I do to help? So he ended up joining

507
00:32:18.960 --> 00:32:21.119
a gym, and I ended up joining the gym with.

508
00:32:21.160 --> 00:32:25.079
Him, and that was kind of getting out of shape my.

509
00:32:27.839 --> 00:32:34.480
I. So I watched him and he said, what do

510
00:32:34.519 --> 00:32:35.920
you eat me? He said, well, I have the same

511
00:32:35.960 --> 00:32:38.119
thing for breakfast, same thing for lunch, same thing for

512
00:32:38.160 --> 00:32:41.319
dinner every day, and I work out every day. I mean,

513
00:32:41.359 --> 00:32:45.200
he was the former marine, so he inside of him

514
00:32:45.319 --> 00:32:48.839
somewhere was that discipline that he needed to do that.

515
00:32:49.240 --> 00:32:51.480
So he just did it, and I watched the pounds

516
00:32:51.519 --> 00:32:54.240
come off. In six months, I noticed a big change.

517
00:32:54.720 --> 00:32:56.759
I also noticed that was in better shape than I

518
00:32:56.799 --> 00:33:00.119
had then in a while. And after a year he

519
00:33:00.160 --> 00:33:02.400
lost two hundred He lost two hundred pounds. He went

520
00:33:02.440 --> 00:33:05.640
from four hundred pounds to two hundred pounds. Wow, and

521
00:33:05.680 --> 00:33:10.200
that But he wouldn't have done that unless he'd changed.

522
00:33:10.640 --> 00:33:13.279
He decided he was going to change the course of his.

523
00:33:13.319 --> 00:33:17.480
Life, change the decisions that he was making, And I

524
00:33:17.480 --> 00:33:23.279
would assume that change externally represents a major change internally

525
00:33:23.319 --> 00:33:25.279
and it has probably affected his life.

526
00:33:25.720 --> 00:33:29.400
It did. It affected his life in so many positive ways.

527
00:33:29.440 --> 00:33:32.759
In fact, he was kind of a serial entrepreneur. He'd

528
00:33:32.799 --> 00:33:36.240
started several businesses and when he lost when he lost

529
00:33:36.279 --> 00:33:38.200
all this weight, he said, you know what I'm going

530
00:33:38.279 --> 00:33:40.039
to do. I'm going to start a weight loss clinic.

531
00:33:40.640 --> 00:33:45.039
I'm going to help other people lose weight. So he

532
00:33:45.359 --> 00:33:49.759
started his own weight loss business and ended up hiring

533
00:33:50.039 --> 00:33:54.279
you know, trainers and hiring nutritionists to help other people

534
00:33:54.599 --> 00:33:58.640
accomplish what he'd accomplished, which I thought was kind of

535
00:33:58.680 --> 00:34:03.200
a cool you know rus in the circle.

536
00:34:03.720 --> 00:34:07.240
Yeah, and it's amazing. I think sometimes how people who

537
00:34:07.680 --> 00:34:10.000
and you have referred to it as people who look

538
00:34:10.039 --> 00:34:14.079
at their past and change that mindset about it. He's

539
00:34:14.119 --> 00:34:15.960
a good example. And I've seen a lot of other

540
00:34:16.000 --> 00:34:22.159
people who take those chaotic experiences in their lives and

541
00:34:22.360 --> 00:34:26.159
once they have managed to overcome that, they choose to

542
00:34:26.400 --> 00:34:30.400
use those experiences to help other people. And what an

543
00:34:30.480 --> 00:34:33.840
incredible way to deal with those traumas in our lives

544
00:34:34.320 --> 00:34:38.840
by allowing ourselves to help other people get out of

545
00:34:38.840 --> 00:34:39.559
your traumise.

546
00:34:40.199 --> 00:34:43.039
Yeah, I think if you have, if you have a

547
00:34:43.159 --> 00:34:48.239
sincere story to tell that other people can relate to,

548
00:34:48.280 --> 00:34:50.639
it helps you to relate to them, it helps them

549
00:34:50.679 --> 00:34:54.920
to relate to you. But if you have I mentioned

550
00:34:54.920 --> 00:34:57.119
having a learning mindset, but if you also have a

551
00:34:57.239 --> 00:35:00.920
helping mindset, one of the best ways to get everything

552
00:35:01.000 --> 00:35:03.199
you want in life is to help other people get

553
00:35:03.239 --> 00:35:09.079
what they want in life. And Baiale Carnegie said it

554
00:35:09.119 --> 00:35:12.239
in the thirty in the nineteen thirties, and I don't

555
00:35:12.239 --> 00:35:14.719
think he was wrong. I think if your attitudes, how

556
00:35:14.719 --> 00:35:16.519
can I help people.

557
00:35:18.119 --> 00:35:18.199
Do?

558
00:35:18.800 --> 00:35:18.880
Be?

559
00:35:19.480 --> 00:35:25.599
Think, learn better, better, help them improve their lives. There's

560
00:35:25.639 --> 00:35:27.639
going to be some bawback where you're going to it's

561
00:35:27.679 --> 00:35:31.719
going to improve your life somehow without you even crying, no.

562
00:35:32.239 --> 00:35:35.159
Question about it. And actually, in my opinion, as you

563
00:35:36.320 --> 00:35:38.480
seek to make a difference in other people's lives and

564
00:35:38.599 --> 00:35:42.280
help them, that brings about the joy that you're talking about.

565
00:35:42.440 --> 00:35:46.639
That brings that sense of joy, and that's kind of

566
00:35:46.880 --> 00:35:49.360
an opposite effect that you would think. But as you're

567
00:35:49.440 --> 00:35:54.119
giving them yourself to help others intelligently, you're going to

568
00:35:54.199 --> 00:35:57.000
experience that joy oh.

569
00:35:57.039 --> 00:36:01.239
Absolutely. There are a few things more satisfying for me

570
00:36:02.679 --> 00:36:06.519
then when somebody says to me or eludes, thank you

571
00:36:06.599 --> 00:36:09.280
for making a difference, thank you for helping me with this.

572
00:36:10.559 --> 00:36:16.000
That's that's worth everything to me because you know you've

573
00:36:16.000 --> 00:36:20.480
made a connection there and that person. It's meaningful to

574
00:36:20.559 --> 00:36:22.559
both of us.

575
00:36:22.320 --> 00:36:25.800
Right, yes, And and oftentimes we don't get that feedback,

576
00:36:25.840 --> 00:36:28.599
which which is interesting. You know, you can you can

577
00:36:28.639 --> 00:36:30.800
go on and on and on doing what you're doing

578
00:36:30.840 --> 00:36:33.679
and you're not necessarily getting feedback. And then every once

579
00:36:33.719 --> 00:36:36.920
in a while you will get that piece of feedback

580
00:36:37.119 --> 00:36:40.079
that makes all the difference in the world and gives

581
00:36:40.079 --> 00:36:42.920
you the realization that, hey, this is worthwhile.

582
00:36:44.039 --> 00:36:47.400
Well absolutely, but I think more, if more people would

583
00:36:47.519 --> 00:36:52.000
shoe gratitude and show appreciation to those people that have

584
00:36:52.199 --> 00:36:57.360
influenced their life positively, I think we'd have better society

585
00:36:57.400 --> 00:37:01.039
and better relationships in general. I think it's so easy

586
00:37:01.119 --> 00:37:05.559
to say thank you very much, that was really helpful,

587
00:37:06.639 --> 00:37:09.480
and if you mean it, it's going to mean a

588
00:37:09.480 --> 00:37:13.280
lot to that person. I mean, you've dealt with I'm

589
00:37:13.320 --> 00:37:18.280
sure customers support people on the telephone or over the

590
00:37:18.280 --> 00:37:22.760
computer for various things, and I always try to be

591
00:37:22.920 --> 00:37:26.400
especially nice to those people. First of all, they have

592
00:37:26.480 --> 00:37:27.000
a job that.

593
00:37:26.960 --> 00:37:29.760
I wouldn't want to have, and if they're doing a

594
00:37:29.760 --> 00:37:32.480
good job at it, but I want to let them

595
00:37:32.519 --> 00:37:36.199
know that somebody out there is grateful that they helped

596
00:37:36.519 --> 00:37:38.199
with this problem.

597
00:37:38.559 --> 00:37:40.719
You know, when I got this computer that we're on

598
00:37:40.800 --> 00:37:45.239
right now, it's I spent five six hours with various

599
00:37:45.239 --> 00:37:49.119
customer support people helping me download all the software that

600
00:37:49.159 --> 00:37:51.079
I needed to get on here to do what I do.

601
00:37:51.920 --> 00:37:56.920
And one gentleman was so particularly helpful that he spent

602
00:37:57.000 --> 00:38:00.800
two hours with me working on something and never lost

603
00:38:00.840 --> 00:38:03.599
his patience and never never hung up on me or

604
00:38:03.639 --> 00:38:06.320
never and I was just so grateful. I said, what's

605
00:38:06.360 --> 00:38:09.159
your name? Who can I write? Who can I write

606
00:38:09.239 --> 00:38:12.840
to to let them know what a great job you did?

607
00:38:13.199 --> 00:38:15.000
He said, well, here's my phone number if you ever

608
00:38:15.039 --> 00:38:17.000
have it, there's my direct line. If you ever have

609
00:38:17.039 --> 00:38:22.000
any more problems, please, you know, call me. I mean,

610
00:38:22.039 --> 00:38:25.079
it was it was amazing to me, and I wanted

611
00:38:25.079 --> 00:38:27.760
to let them know that I thought it was amazing,

612
00:38:28.639 --> 00:38:31.880
and I think more people need to do recognize when

613
00:38:31.920 --> 00:38:34.239
somebody goes out of their way or does something that

614
00:38:34.320 --> 00:38:39.320
makes your life easier, makes your life better when it's

615
00:38:39.480 --> 00:38:42.199
I know it's their job, but you can approach your

616
00:38:42.320 --> 00:38:45.039
job with it. I'm just going to do the bare

617
00:38:45.119 --> 00:38:47.840
minimum to get by, or I'm really going to help

618
00:38:47.880 --> 00:38:51.159
this person solve his his or her problem. And when

619
00:38:51.159 --> 00:38:52.960
you get people like that, you really need to.

620
00:38:52.960 --> 00:38:55.599
Show some appreciation to them and it will make them

621
00:38:55.639 --> 00:38:58.440
even do it more, which I think is so important.

622
00:38:58.880 --> 00:39:04.000
You've made so many really important points. But I'd love

623
00:39:04.039 --> 00:39:06.599
for you to kind of as you think about what

624
00:39:06.760 --> 00:39:09.480
message would you like to share with the audience, So

625
00:39:09.599 --> 00:39:12.559
as they finished listening, this is the message that they're

626
00:39:12.559 --> 00:39:14.639
going to take to heart, what would that be.

627
00:39:15.320 --> 00:39:17.719
The lesson I'd like them to take The part is

628
00:39:18.760 --> 00:39:24.679
you can control your life. If you choose to control

629
00:39:24.760 --> 00:39:28.400
your life, you can find self love, you can find

630
00:39:28.480 --> 00:39:34.000
self care, you can find joy and contentment. You just

631
00:39:34.039 --> 00:39:38.159
got to start looking for it and start working toward it.

632
00:39:38.159 --> 00:39:41.800
It's the best energy you could spend is finding that

633
00:39:42.000 --> 00:39:46.000
energy to find joy and enter peace and contentment.

634
00:39:47.800 --> 00:39:50.960
Thank you, Angela, I appreciate that. How do people find you?

635
00:39:52.000 --> 00:39:55.360
Well, the easiest way to find me is My website

636
00:39:55.440 --> 00:39:59.920
is Angelo Valenti dot com. My email address is Angelo at.

637
00:40:00.159 --> 00:40:04.480
The Valentia dot com and uh, if you'd like to

638
00:40:04.480 --> 00:40:06.840
book a discovery call to find out if you'd like

639
00:40:06.880 --> 00:40:10.400
to work with me, you can go to Reachanngelo dot com.

640
00:40:11.159 --> 00:40:15.840
And I'm on LinkedIn, Angelo valent PhD. I'm on Instagram,

641
00:40:15.880 --> 00:40:22.079
I'm on Facebook. Getting thinking about launching a YouTube channel, haven't.

642
00:40:22.280 --> 00:40:24.360
I haven't done it yet.

643
00:40:24.519 --> 00:40:27.239
I'm thinking of. I'm thinking of. There a a number

644
00:40:27.239 --> 00:40:29.320
of things I'm thinking about that I haven't done yet

645
00:40:29.360 --> 00:40:31.400
that I really need to start doing some of them,

646
00:40:31.679 --> 00:40:32.280
and I will.

647
00:40:32.760 --> 00:40:35.719
But when you got me, you got that guy's phone number?

648
00:40:36.519 --> 00:40:37.119
Yes, I do.

649
00:40:37.519 --> 00:40:39.559
Yeah, boy, I wish you could help me with that one.

650
00:40:41.000 --> 00:40:46.159
Well, and hey, I really appreciate you being on the show.

651
00:40:44.679 --> 00:40:48.800
Is how do people find your book or books? Because

652
00:40:48.800 --> 00:40:50.480
you think you've read more than just one?

653
00:40:50.880 --> 00:40:53.599
Well, yeah, but the one I wrote twenty years ago,

654
00:40:54.360 --> 00:40:57.000
that's ancient history. I'd like to focus on the book

655
00:40:57.039 --> 00:40:59.639
that I've got right now, and you can buy it

656
00:40:59.639 --> 00:41:03.159
on am on. We're making this way too Hard finds

657
00:41:03.159 --> 00:41:06.480
your easy way to enjoy life. It's also on audible

658
00:41:06.599 --> 00:41:11.239
if you like audio books. I narrated it myself, or

659
00:41:11.320 --> 00:41:14.079
you can go to my website and buy a copy.

660
00:41:14.119 --> 00:41:17.000
From Angela Valenti dot com. I'll even send you an

661
00:41:17.039 --> 00:41:22.119
autograph copy and that's how to find my book all

662
00:41:22.199 --> 00:41:22.920
right here for you.

663
00:41:23.559 --> 00:41:25.800
Well, thank you so much for beating on the show, Angelo,

664
00:41:25.960 --> 00:41:27.800
I really appreciate it.

665
00:41:27.800 --> 00:41:28.719
It's been a lot of fun.

666
00:41:28.800 --> 00:41:32.000
Thank you, and folks, thanks for listening. Hope you really

667
00:41:32.079 --> 00:41:34.880
enjoyed it, and please reach out to Angela if you

668
00:41:34.880 --> 00:41:36.440
find that that could be a good fit for you.

669
00:41:36.559 --> 00:41:42.360
Visit a doctor Doug saying No'm stay