Wired That Way: Discovering Who You Were Made to Be with Marita Littauer

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0:44 Denzel Washington, Welcome. To inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you. To do the same. Marita walk in to the show. Thank you, Doug. It's a treat to be with you today. Oh. I'm really excited. You know, this area of personalities has been one of my favorite things. I got involved in it years ago with my children, and so I think it's going to be really fun to talk about this. But what I'd like for you to do is kind of share with the audience, who you are and what brought you. To this point in your life. Talk a little bit about the books you've written. Sure, my name is Marita Litt Tower, and I'm the author of twenty books, and Wired that Way is my best selling book, and it's been it's been published for twenty years, and for that whole twenty years it has remained selling, remained relevant. And about September October of twenty twenty five, I realized that twenty twenty six was the anniversary year of the publication of my book. And I had really not focused on that and hadn't realized that it had been so long. And so because of that, I thought, well, you know, this is a milestone worthy of celebrating. And so I have reached doubt to folks such as yourself to be able to talk about my book in hopes of giving it perhaps even an enhanced life, as you might say, and it's in its senior years, but I became go ahead. No, No, I've been involved with this

2:15 topic for nearly sixty years, since I was nine years old. My mother first became aware of the general topic of personalities. And you mentioned you've been involved in it a long time. And you know, it's not a brand new topic for sure. In fact, it's more than two thousand years old in its origins. As Hippocrates, one of the great Greek thinkers, observed that people were different, and understanding that people were different, he tried to figure out why, and he concluded, with the limited medical and scientific knowledge that was available in the day, he concluded that what made people different is that they had different fluids in their body. Now, since then, we've actually we used to pooh pooh that whole idea, but since the DNA discoveries, we've realized he was actually probably more right than we ever gave him credit for only, rather than bodily fluids, it's DNA. And so my mother read a book when I was nine years old written by Tim Lahay called The Spirit Controlled Temperament, And as she read that book, it was life changing for her.

3:25 Because she and my father have opposite personalities, which is very often the case in marriage, and because of their opposite personalities and the type of personality they each have, my mother was made to feel that who she was was wrong. And as she read this book for the first time, it opened her eyes to the idea that no she was this is who she was made to be, and my father began to read the book with her, and as is typical of my mother's type of personality, she began to talk to everyone around her about this discovery. And before long, my parents were having couples in their house for really a small group study. And this was I'm sixty seven and i was nine years old at the time, so this is nearly sixty years ago that this happened. This was this epiphany took place for my parents.

4:19 And this was long before there were book clubs and study groups and before churches had small groups in people's homes. They were really kind of ahead of their times and that and one day during the time, my parents were leading this group in their home, and you know, they didn't really know anything more than reading one chapter ahead of the rest of the group. But one night, my father had a vision, really and he stayed up, laid into the night, and he created this personality profile that we now have available. We've been selling this personality profile really for almost sixty years. Originally it was typewritten, mimeograph and staple together, and obviously it's it's been enhanced over the years and we now have an electronic version of it as well. But in my mother's heyday, we sold hundreds of thousands of these personality profiles a year. I still sell thousands of them a month between the paper copy and the online version. So I'm very steeped in this topic and love to talk about it.

5:27 Well, and you know, what's interesting and then you know, my kids started when they were teenagers. That's when we got into it. But what's interesting is there's a number of different profiles out there, personality profiles, well, assessments, yeah, yes, and it all depends. You know. It's interesting is that, as I've looked at this over the years, is fascinating how it can be applied in so many different ways. You know, you mentioned the fact that a lot of people end up getting attracted and marrying a partner who's opposite personality, which initially, you know, they're looking for something that they're missing, and then all of a sudden, once they've got it, they don't like it anymore.

6:10 Yeah, that turns into attack. Yeah, because of the lack of communication understanding. But in fact, I just I'm just working with the young man right now. His grandmother called me and I had done one for her years ago, and she says, you know, he's trying to figure out what to do with his life. And so we're doing that. So you get into this whole concept of what for the younger people, you know, what direction do you want to go? I don't know how. Many of these young people have gotten into a job and after a few years or a number of years, they hate it. They hate it and they don't understand why or they're not successful in it, and they don't understand that that may have something to do with other influences in their life and in their personality that they don't understand. And so I find it to be fascinating.

7:02 As you've used it, have you found that there's a general reason why people reach out to you for those personality tests? You know, it's interesting. I've got one church in particular, just recently that reached out to me and they've been buying personality profiles from me for years, and they every couple that gets married in their church, they have them go through pre marital counseling, and as a part of that premaral counseling, they have them take the personality profile. And I just had this church just reach out to me within the last few weeks and saying, you know, not everybody that comes for to get married in our church is local, and so we're wondering, do you have an electronic version of this that we can have them take, And of course I do, so that was I was excited to share that with him, But as I talked to him, he told me about how how important it is that they understand this in marriage, So I mean, I certainly know that's one. I've got a medical practice in the Dallas, Texas area, and they buy hundreds of personality profiles from me, and every new hire takes the personality profile and it helps them interact with their staff, and so they're used in businesses and churches, in schools.

8:19 I've right now got an email I just sent out in response to an inquiry from a junior college in California wanting information on bulk purchase. So there's just three really different groups that are using this personality profile. But it all gets down to the bottom line of relationship improvement and self understanding. I probably should have said self understanding first and then relationship improvement. So I'm curious as you do that, do you do you go over that with them, or does the pastor if it's in the church, go over it with them, or do you just send them a report and they kind of go over it themselves. How does that work? Well? I do not I do not do any coaching personality coaching.

9:02 I do have some people that I have trained and certified do do personality coaching, some with different emphasis than others. So I don't personally interact with the people taking the profile much unless they somehow rEFInd me and have a question. But the paper version that I'm holding here, and I'm sure you've got people who'll be watching and some who will be listening to this podcast, but it has some supplemental charts and materials with it which were not a part of what my father created sixty years ago. As I said, it's been enhanced over the years, and the paper copy is now a sixteen page full color product, and it includes word definitions which are really helpful, and charts of strengths and weaknesses and so forth. And on the electronic version, those word definitions come right up with the words. On the paper version, you're kind of flipped back and forth, and it's kind of a little awkward.

10:03 But the online version has that, and then at the end, as soon as you finish it, a bar grapht pops up with your results, and then it has links for more information, and that information takes you to essentially the same information that's in the paper copy. So is this based you said that your dad kind of your father originally actually originated? Is so how close is it? How close is it to the disc profile or some of these other profiles that are out there? The actual test portion and I know we don't like to use that word, but the actual test portion is I don't think anything like the disc profile. But as far as the four basic personality types, there is a very obvious overlap. Though my parents originally learned it through Tim Lahay's work, and his work used the original Greek terms to define the four personality types. And so my mother's book, my mother's best selling book is called Personality Plus, and she's no longer alive, but Personality Plus has sold millions and millions of copies and have been translated into I've lost count frankly of how many languages, but more than twenty five languages. So it's a book that's used around the world. And so her book personality. Plus I'm doing this because it's right up there behind me on the shelf. But her book uses the Greek words which are sanguine, choleric, melancholy, and phlegmatic. So her book uses those original Greek words because I grew up with this.

11:37 When my mother would be speaking somewhere and I was a young teen, she would take me to her speaking engagements with her, and by this time she had quite a reputation for this topic and was being invited to speak all over and so she would take me with her, and I would be in the back of the room and I would be selling the little mimiographed staple together personality profiles, and I would be selling cassettes because that's what it was back in the day, you know, and then we evolved to CDs. But I'd be selling the cassettes, and as I was in the back of the room, I received the questions that people had. And so in my book wired that way, I believe I have. I believe it's a more thorough book than hers is. Hers is sold much better than mine, but she's done a lot more speaking on it than I have. But what I've tried to do is kind of answer the questions that people had. So I've added to those Greek words.

12:36 I use modern day adjectives to go with each Greek word, because most people would say, well, you know, it's Greek to me, those words don't mean anything to people, and so I use popular, sanguine, powerful, choleric, perfect, melancholy, and peaceful, phlegmatic. And as you saw in the personality profile that I kind of waved around, We've also added colors to it. And I tell people, especially when I'm speaking, and perhaps people are familiar with disc or perhaps people are familiar with Myers Briggs, or perhaps I know. I don't try to say, well, this is that those are not valid or you know, anything like that. I just say, you know what, if you're familiar with a different system, just translate as we go along, because this is not about labels.

13:20 It doesn't matter what term, whether you use the color, whether you use the Greek word, whether you use the adjective. This is about relationships. And yeah, let me ask you a question. One of the things that attract and I was introduced to it by a fellow up in Boise, Idaho, which which was amazing to me how he had put this together But one of the things that I have noticed, and that's probably what initially influenced me, is that you know, we have different types of behavior in our lives. We have that true innate behavior of who we are, we have a social behavior this is who I need to be, and then we obviously combine those together and this is who I am as we are out in public and so forth, or in families. But what I found interesting is that many of these tests tend to measure social rather than innate. And how did your father and as you've worked on this also, how did you work this out to where as people read this they recognize that it's not as they've answered, because a lot of times when they're taking the questions, answering the questions, it can come from their social.

14:35 Personality rather than they're innate. How have you been able to work that out so that what they're getting truly is that true, genuine, innate personality. Well, obviously I can't guarantee that for anyone, because as you've brought up, it depends on how they answer it. But if you read the instructions, and you and I both know there are certain personality types that are never going to read the instructions. So, for example, I mentioned the church group I dealt with just very recently. I said to him, Okay, there's a couple things you have to emphasize with people. Number one is that got to read the directions, and the directions tell you clearly that you're to look at what is your most natural self.

15:16 If you and it says clearly in the instructions, if you took a class to learn it, or you read a book to learn it, that is not your natural personality. That maybe how you're functioning today, but that is not who you are naturally. And I like to use an example for myself. I'm the I'm about fifty to fifty combination of the popular segment, which is the fun loving, the outgoing, the loud extrovert, and the powerful choleric, which is the strong, driven, goal oriented kind of person. I'm about fifty to fifty of those two are. Depending on what role I'm in, I may appear more one than another, but I'm about fifty to fifty. I have had people tell me that I am the most organized person they have ever met. And to those people, I say, well, you have led a very sheltered life then, because I am not naturally organized, but you know, you expected me to be here at a certain time to talk to you, and that's a part of my life. So I've had to learn to show up. Now, I hate to tell you I missed an interview earlier today. I totally did not have it on my calendar, and I totally missed it. Now, I didn't miss you, but I did miss a different one today and on Friday. I sadly, and I've been really good about this with these interviews, but on Friday I missed another one. Now, fortunately the podcast host missed it also, so she was not troubled by the fact that I missed it. But I'm all ready for this interview on Friday. I've got my hair done, I've got

16:48 on the cute clothes, I got my little lights and my microphone and the whole thing on, and my phone rings and I don't normally answer my phone if it's not a number I recognize, but it's from Florida and I answered it, and this woman on the line says, Hi, this is Carol from w whatever whatever. Are you ready for your interview? And I go ready for my interview, and I'm thinking I'm having a podcast, and I said, is this live? And she said, yes, We're on in three minutes. And I'm like, oh, Drett, you know I've told I didn't have it on my calendar, and fortunately I answered the phone. So my point is, can tell I'm not naturally organized. Yes, I've worked really, really hard to keep a calendar and keep this stuff. So the reality is I am pretty organized. But I say, is it natural to me?

17:38 New? And I don't think that's just something important for people to understand. Is two things that have come to my mind that I want to just mention briefly. Is one, and I appreciate what you talked about about how they need to answer those questions from that truly genuine innateness of who they are. And we do encourage them if they're not sure to check with friends and family. Yeah, because what happens a lot of times people will take these tests and so often they will not get because those instructions aren't. There or it's not been organized in a way that that happens, and they end up with a well social personality. I did this. I'm not going to mention the name of the. Gentleman who is extremely popular and uses the disc test.

18:22 And as I was doing that, and I love to research, and so the one that I use is based on disc but it is really expanded, probably similar to getting the same type of information you get. And so as I've done that, then I said, you know what, I'm just going to check. So I'm going to take this test online that it's available for free. I did, and sure enough, it was my social personality and I knew how to answer the questions, but it was not my social personality. And I thought to myself, how many times are people being misled when they're taking these tests when they don't really that they need to really really make sure that what evaluation they're taking, And I prefer evaluation and tests as they're taking that evaluation, that they make sure that it's one that is extremely credible. And number two, they should be looking at responses that come and talk about that and they personality, that outward personality and ultimately that conscious personality.

19:26 Well that brings me the second thing I wanted to bring up an answer to your question. The first one is you have to take it from or naturally, not something you've learned, not something your boss wanted you to do, not something your parents wanted you to do, but who you are naturally. The second thing is, that's why in our profile the word definitions are so important and in the electronic version. In the paper version, you have a list of words and you check one across each row, and then you flip back and forth to get the word definitions. But the word definitions are really essential because they help you understand that word in its place. And in the electronic version of our profile, which is four dollars, not free, close to free, but it's four dollars. And in the electronic version, the word definitions are right with the word, so you don't have the technology of the electronics allows that or the paper version doesn't really allow that easily, and that helps you put in place. For example, I'm just grabbing one. I'm just looking at one here, just at random. This is word choice number thirty seven.

20:41 In our profile, there's forty words the top twenty our straints in the bottom twenty are weaknesses. So I'm just looking at word choice number thirty seven. It says loaner than the definition is, requires a lot of private time, and tends to avoid other people, board over others, does and hesitate to let others know that he or she is right or is in control. Lazy evaluates work or activity in terms of how much energy it will take. The fourth one is loud has a laugh or voice that can be heard above others in the room. Well, and that's you can see how those word definitions really help you select the correct word. And I just picked one at random there.

21:24 Yeah, but that's great. Now, let's get off of that topic because let's talk about talk Oh, I know, let's talk about the value of personalities. So let's start out with let's start out with I want to start out with the young people, because there's you know, that seems to be more of a focus that has come wrong. How does a personality evaluation like that help a young person from the standpoint of number one, choosing the direction of their life as far as the profession goes. Number two, choosing someone. Who would become ultimately a partner, spouse type of thing.

22:07 I think those number three even choosing the friends that you hang around with, that you surround yourself with. So those are three things for a young person, an ager that's getting into their twenties. What do you see the value of a personality test does for them? Well, as you mentioned, it's essential in helping you in a career path, because while we may be able to do a task, it's not something that's an eighty natural to us. We can learn it as intelligent human beings. We can learn it that we're always going to be happier and more comfortable and more energized in work that is natural for us, that is easy for us. For example, this is a silly thing. But just today a girlfriend came over and I said, and we went outside and had a glass of wine and I said, oh, I'm so glad you're here. I said, I have been. I feel exhausted. I said, I've been working all afternoon in an area that is not my strength. And she said money.

23:08 I said, yes, money. And my husband is a CPA and he tells me dates, times and numbers are not my friends. And it was a silly thing. I was trying to work out what someone was going to charge to bartend at an event that I'm in charge of, and and it was it was just outside of you know, it's just hard for me. And yes, I figured it out. I added it all up and I made I made a decision based on it. But it was something that isn't natural for me, and as a result, I just felt exhausted from this little exercise. I mean, I can I can balance the check withok boll. I mean I haven't done that in years, but I did learn back in the day. I haven't balanced checkbook ages. But you know, I can learn to do money. I can learn to be organized. I can learn these things, and you need those skills in life. They're important skills. But if I was in a job like that, I mean, my husband, who's a CPA, which suits his personality perfectly. He's the peaceful, phlegmatic, the low key background kind of person, and he's the perfect melancholy, which is the numbers person. And in his practice he never sees the customers. The guy that he works with sees the customers. And my husband does the work.

24:23 He sits in a windowless office on the computer every day. Would make me absolutely crazy, man, but he's it's what I can't say he loves it, but it's what he naturally does well. And you know what's interesting is I was getting my certification in behavioral analysis. One of the case studies that I found fascinating was that a company had literally interviewed and hired two individuals for sales, and as they did that, they found that one person over, you know, after a year or so, one person was just killing it and the other person was just bailing desperately. And they finally said, okay, we've got to figure this out. So they brought in the tests, you know, they run in the analysis, and it turns out that although they had similar personalities from the standpoint of left brain, right brain, extrovert introvert type of thing, there was a motivation. There was a motivator within the one that their focus was economic. There was the other one whose focus was arts. So it goes beyond just that initial personality of what, you know, what's your way of thinking and so forth? Is that motivation too? And so the one that was in there with a focus on arts wasn't being successful because his motivation wasn't economics.

25:41 And that fascinated me to realize that, you know what, we need to go so far beyond. And I can't tell you how many times I hear people talk about the fact that they hate their job. They hate their job, and yet had they done this at a young age, it would have given them such a wonderful full different direction as far as you know, and there's a number of different you know, for your husband, there was a number of things based on that personality that he could have done. He chose to become what he did. My son, one of my son number three, went to school to become a CPA. He went to school, he did evaluation in California for you know, the summer he did that whole internship and he came back and he's going, Dad, I hate it, and yeah, and we looked at his personality evil and I'm going, so, what does this tell you?

26:37 You have no no reading on that personality that would want you to be a CPA. So he went into sales, extremely successful, and so it was just it was fascinating to me to see how that happened. So for young people, number one, you know, if you're going to choose a career, for heaven's sake, get want to get a personality you've al done so that you really can understand the direction that you want to go. Number two, as you're choosing a partner. But how does that help, because you know, you talked about we tend to choose the oppices though, guess what we sometimes choose similar.

27:19 And that creates as many problems as it doesn't create it does. And I'll tell you as I speak on this topic, which I've done all over the country, and I normally am speaking to women's groups, so people who come up and talk to me are going to be women. And the women will come up to me and they'll say, you know, I've listened to everything you've said, and I know you said you usually marry someone who's opposite from us, but they'll say, I really think my husband and I are the same personality or you know, pretty close. And I'll say, well, is this a second or third marriage for either one of you? And almost always it is yes. And the reason for that is, I think is fairly obvious because you're as tuned into this as I am.

28:02 But for our listeners that I usually the reason you're in a second or a third marriage is because the first or second one didn't work. Occasionally it's it is due to death, but more often than not, it's because the first one didn't work. And the first one you usually married someone who was opposite from you, because that's what we naturally do. And then because that one didn't work, you make one of two choices but the result is the same. You either say he was like this, and so I don't want to marry anyone like that, and so you go seek someone who's opposite, or you say he was so opposite for me it didn't work, so I'm going to seek someone who's more like me, And so the end result really comes out to be the same.

28:45 But if you do that, when you have a couple where each are really fairly close, they really honestly have to hire out. Perhaps they're accounting, or perhaps their house cleaning or you know, things like that, they have to hire out because between the two of them, they don't naturally have that skill set well. And you know what's interesting about that, and I have signs that have done both. What's interesting about that is, in my mind, it doesn't make a difference. It really doesn't make a difference whether you choose someone opposite or someone similar. What makes a difference is recognizing what that is and then learning how to communicate. So as you talk about these different personalities, how and the evaluations that come out, how does how does the communication come into effect?

29:38 And what do these evaluations help someone to understand relative to improving a communication with their partner with their spouse, or even in a job in the workplace. Well, this is a multi layered question you've given me. I do that. We could talk all night, and I love that. But you know, talking about communication, I just have a perfect, wonderful example from my own marriage. And I am in a second marriage. And despite the fact that I mentally decided I was going to not marry someone who is opposite for me, both times, actually I married a melancholy Both times I married someone who's opposite for me. Because while I mentally set out in a certain direction, you know, our hearts do what our hearts want to do, regardless of what we think we're in control of. And both times I fell in love with someone who's a perfect melancholy personality. So but my husband, as I said, he's about fifty percent the peaceful, phlegmatic and about fifty percent the perfect melancholy. And on that chart that those those are the bottom colors, the green and the blue, and they're on the bottom because and they're also you'll notice colors because these two are the introverts. These two are the low key personalities. The two on the top you'll notice they are hot colors because these two are the high strung, extrovert kind of personalities. But my husband is

31:10 a peaceful, phlegmatic and as such, talking about communication, that personality type doesn't like to feel cornered. And so I have learned, as silly as as it is, my husband can be in the next room and I will send him a text because by sending him a text, it allows him time to think about it and respond without feeling cornered, without feeling like I'm pressuring him. And it's it's a silly communication cue, but it really makes a difference for him. Likewise, I have to learn when I when I do ask him something like I'll ask him this is silly too, But a lot of this seems silly on the surface, but the understanding is what makes the difference. I will ask him on the way to church, what would you like for dinner tonight, because of course I'm thinking about I've got to make dinner tonight. I'm kind of calculating my plans for the day, and it may include, as it does every other Sunday in my life, that I'm going to play dominoes with my girlfriends, and I need on that day, I need to put dinner in the crock pot, so it's ready when I get home.

32:18 So on the way to church, I want to know what would you like for dinner tonight? And he'll say, I haven't given dinner a thought, you know, And so he doesn't have a response for me. And if I don't understand his personality, I'm going to get frustrated with him, And instead I kind of chuckle like, well, I just thought i'd see if you had anything you'd been craving lately, or you know whatever. And so, really understanding your partner's personality or your cowork or whatever it is allows you to adjust your expectations of them. As you review the strengths and the weaknesses that are natural to that person's personality, you then adjust expectations of them, and you can adjust your communication accordingly. And now I'm sorry I gave you such a long answer. I forgot what the second part of what you ask I said.

33:13 But that's that's because you're that uh, that red. You hear that red. Exactly. So so let me let me talk about something else for a minute. You know, as we talk about this, every time you're looking to date someone, you can't send them over and say all right, I want you to take this personality test. But ultimately, as you start to find that there's if you can get rid of the red flags and you find that you know, there seems to be a really compatibility there being there at what point in time, then you can then bring these elements into your relationship because I think, you know, it's interesting how one person will go such yourself, oh I love this, and another person will go, oh, that's a bunch of you know, and I think, to me, that's a red flag right there, because for relationships, it seems to me that you need to have someone that will go, okay, you know what. Let's even though they may be opposite, let's look at this and let's see how do we develop our relationship to where we really understand, we respect, we honor the other person's personality and the way that they communicate. And there's that other question is the communication.

34:30 Let's let's talk about that because you know, you get that. And I can't use your words because I don't understand the great words. So let's use whatever words you want. You get that, right, you know you get that. D I happen to be a DC. Okay, So so my kids learned very quickly, and I had to literally understand that that give me some feedback, Say, Dad, do you come across so harsh sometimes? And I had to learn because most of my kids, it's one is more on the day side, but the rest of them are over on the other side. And I realized I needed to change the way that I communicated with them because what was important is how they want to be communicated with. And you kind of mentioned this with your husband, Yeah, versus you know, make communicating with them the way I want to And so it goes to that whole point.

35:23 Of their strengths. And then what I see is if it becomes overboard, it now becomes a weakness. It does, and that's one of the principles we address specifically. But what I want to specifically say now, except for I've just lost that I wanted to talk about communication. I had a very specific thing I want to tell you, and it was brilliant. I'm going to go, I may this may be what I what you were asking, or it may not be all want to hear. It just landed back in my brain. You pointed out that you change your communication style to communicate with your chill would do the same thing with a coworker or whatever. And the key feature to that is have to care enough about that relationship to step outside of you are naturally focus on who they are and then adjust your approach to them. And that takes maturity and it takes caring.

36:22 If you order a hamburger from a kid at the fast food restaurant, you don't care enough about that relationship to put that kind of effort into your communication. But in your family and in your co workers do or hopefully do care enough about that relationship. But that care is a really central feature that a lot of people cannot get. They're so focused on what I want and who I am and what I need that they can't step outside of who they are to figure out what those other people need and want to mention another thing you brought up about when in the relationship, can you discuss this, Well, it may be you may already be married to that person and you may want or maybe they're working with you and you're having a tough time at the moment with that person and you want to go up to them and say, excuse me, I'm having a tough time with you. Could you take this personality profile, chances are that's not going to go over well. But I find and I have a chapter in my book on this, that if you know what to look for, and I call this the visual clues, and the visual clues include clothing, they include voice, they include body language, they include personal space, how they keep their desks or their car. And because I find that often people and we touched on this earlier, but often people have what their parents wanted them to be. They have what their

37:53 teachers wanted them to be, they have what their bosses wanted them to be, they have what their spouse wants them to be. And I find that often by the time you get into a workplace you get someone who's forty or fifty years old, they often have no idea they are because they've had so much input into them that they're really and honestly a lot of people at this point in life have what we used to kind of call a mental breakdown. They kind of short circuit because they're so confused. But if you know what to look for in a person, that body language, that voice, that clothing, that personal space, I find that you can almost more accurately identify someone's personality type by observing those visual clues than having them take the profiles. You asked me in the beginning, you know, how do you get that real result? And we answered that, But there are some people who they just can't even go there because they don't really know that. And the example I use when I'm speaking on that is if there's a few people gathered around the water cooler life, let's just say, and one person says to the other, oh, you are so put in whatever adjective you want, and that person says, I am not, and everybody around goes, oh, yes, you are.

39:13 And when i'd use that example in a speech, everybody in the audience nods. They all have seen that, whether it's personal or they've observed it, so they get that that not everybody is really clear. By the time we get to be the adults that we're talking to, not everybody is really clear on who they are, but the visual clues will give them away. So and we don't have a lot of time, but real quick, what are some of the visions and let's for people to understand this. Let's go with the you know, the disc or however you want to do that, because those other words are difficult, like I said for me, But so the the extrovert right brain, the extrovert left brain, and so forth.

39:57 What are some very quick clues. How do you know if someone is. An extrovert left brain, which is a strong personality. Well, that's going to be the person who is the natural boss of life. But the visual clues are going to be their body language. First off, when they walk into a room, they're very heavy footed. They're someone who you know, for my personality, which is the other outgoing one, I will often go from point A to point B, and if I ran into any people along the way, I get to point B and I'm like, why am I here? What did I come here for? And I was distracted by those other people? And I forget what I call the red or the powerful choleric personality. They don't.

40:40 They're not like that. First off, when they go from point A to point B, they're not going to stop and talk to people along the way because they're very focused and so they have an intensity about them that can be almost frightening to some people to. Know we're going to go faster. So let's go over. Let's go over to who you are. So, because you're a right extravert. For the yellow. Yellow is the loud voice, a lot of hand movement typically in women, flashier kind of clothes that's not a man's option, and a cluttered personal workspace. We're not naturally okay. So now let's go down to. The way the blue one, which is what I call the perfect melancholy, which is the perfectionist. They're going to wear more solid colors or classic styles. They don't use hand gestures much at all, and if they do, they're very small, precise and close to the body, and their personal space is always neat and tidy, and at the end of the day they put everything away where it belongs.

41:40 Okay, and then let's move over. Okay. The green is the peaceful, what I call the peaceful phlegmatic, and that person is going to clothing wise, were the most comfortable clothing that is appropriate for that occasion, and that'll vary depending on where they are, but comfort is a key factor to peaceful phlegmatic personality. They're going to remain in the background, being a little bit more timid. They're not going to charge in like a bull in a china shop. They're the more reticent and they're the ones who if you say, would you like coffee or tea? They're going to say, I don't care, it doesn't matter whichever's easiest. Fantastic, you know, And it's so fascinating as you're in a group that you can identify that. And yet I think it's important for people to understand and you may, and you made this point much earlier, that you don't have to be stuck in that particular profile of personality because you can always choose, based on circumstances, to move in another direction. And that has part to do with communication.

42:45 So as you and I are communicating, you know, you're on that left right brain side, I'm on that left brain side, and so we can learn to communicate in a way that works for both of us rather than not. So as we close, what would be kind of a final message that you'd like to share with the audience? And yeah, a short one, okay. I like to base my entire teaching on this on a specific Bible verse, which is Romans twelve eighteen, and it says, if possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. And I believe in that verse it's telling us if possible, It's like I know you can't do this, but it's a goal. It's something you should strive for, so far as it depends on you be at peace with all men. If it just said be at peace with all men, that's not that's not something we can achieve because we can only control ourselves. So this is a tool that allows us to, as far as it depends on us, be at peace with all men.

43:48 Wonderful. I love that, and thank you so much, Marita. This has been a fascinating, fascinating topic, and it's one that we could go on for hours. I promise here we could go on for hours, and I would just say to the audience, you know, we got into all sorts of talks, and because I have an analytical mind, we probably didn't get into some of it that they would like to hear. But the point is number one, go get this book. They can find it on Amazon, I would assume. Yes, of course. And if Amazon are Kindle unlimited members can get it free. Oh great, And again, what's the name of the book. It's Wired that way. Okay, it's wired that way, Marita lit Tower, and it's available on Amazon. Kindle unlimited members can get it free.

44:32 Perfect well, folks, thanks so much for listening. I hope you've really enjoyed this. And Marita again, thank you so much for your insights. I love it so anyway, this is doctor Doug saying Domas Day.