June 11, 2026

Wired That Way: Understanding Personality to Transform Your Relationships

Wired That Way: Understanding Personality to Transform Your Relationships
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Marita Littauer, author of Wired That Way, returns to explore how our inborn personality types shape the way we love, communicate, and clash. When we learn to see others as they truly are — not as we wish they were — something quietly shifts. Relationships become less of a struggle and more of a gift.

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WEBVTT

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This program is designed to provide general information with regards

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to the subject matters covered. This information is given with

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the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station

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are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,

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legal counseling, professional service, or any advice. You should seek

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the services of competent professionals before applying or trying any

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suggested ideas.

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At the end of the day, it's not about what

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you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what

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you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up,

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who you've made better. It's about what you've given back.

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Denzel Washington, welcome to inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is

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to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you.

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To do the same.

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Marita, welcome to the show.

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Thank you so much. It's a treat to be with

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you again.

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I love that we get to follow up from our previous.

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Yeah, it's always nice.

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So so many times we get into a topic and

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we're going and going and realizing we're out of time

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and there's so much more that we want to talk about.

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So just update the audience again. Who you are a

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little bit about your background, the book that you wrote,

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not getting into the book itself, and then also share

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with the audience, kind of update them and help them

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to remember what we have been talking about.

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Certainly, and I hope if someone listens tonight that didn't

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listen to the previous edition, that they'll go back and listen.

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To that episode as well.

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So I'm my name is Marita Littower, and I am

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the author of twenty books, but the one we're mostly

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talking about is this one. Wired that Way and here

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in twenty twenty six is the twentieth anniversary of this book,

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and basically this book deals with how we are wired,

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specifically having to do with personality pipes. And throughout this

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book we addressed the four basic personality types and how

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they impact our own lives, but escally how they impact

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our relationships with others, because that's the real thing that

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I find that is different from the approach that I

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take to this general topic, this general body of work

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from what some others might be familiar with.

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Out there, Okay, good, good, good good, And talk a

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little bit about what what did we talk about last time?

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Just kind of update the audience on that sure, well, we.

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Get an overview of the four basic personality types I

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talk about that I want to just state up front.

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Then, of course we're not putting anyone in a box.

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While there are four basic personality types, very few of

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us are uniquely one personality type. Most of us have

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a variation of personality types. And it's much like a

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color wheel.

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We may have a certain ratio of one and a

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little bit of another, or we may be closer to

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But once you understand the general concepts, you understand what

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your personality type is, and then you begin to be

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able to identify the personality type of other people. You

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can adjust your approach to them, you can adjust your

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expectations of them, and you can ultimately meet their emotional needs,

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which is one of the key things we did not

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get to talk about in our previous episode.

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Okay, and so let's let's get into that a little bit.

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And I know that you have you have some very

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specific names for your different personalities. I use an entirely

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different UH concept, but it's the same thing.

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It's the same thing.

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I think a lot of people are more familiar with

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the disc the D I, S C.

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Yours are for the deals one.

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Of the other major popular systems.

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Yeah.

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But anyway, so as we talk about that, let's let's

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talk about what what seems to be in your opinion

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and your experience. What are the major issues in a

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relationship that cause conflict and misunderstanding and sometimes a tremendous

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amount of frustration.

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I think one of the key things is that most

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of us were raised on what we called the Golden rule,

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which says, do unto others as you would have them

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do unto you. We acknowledge that there are people out

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there who are different from us. When I speak on

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this topic, I always start by asking my audience how

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many of you have noticed there are people out there

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who are different from you? And they all, of course

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raise their hands, And I say, how many of you

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live with, work with.

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Or used to live with that person who's different from you?

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And they all raise their hands, And then I ask

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how often have you tried to change that person?

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And has it ever worked? And by now they're with me,

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and they all respond never, never were that. We may

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try to change those people to make them more like us,

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but they are wired that way.

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They are hardwired. That personality comes with us, inborn and

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in fact. Again, when I'm dealing with an audience and

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I ask, I usually speak to women's groups, because of

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course I'm a female, and so I tend to speak

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to women's groups.

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And I'll ask, how many.

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Of you out there are mothers of more than one child?

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Most of the audience is, and I'll say, could you

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tell in the womb that child number two was different

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from child number one? And they all respond, yes, they

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could tell. You can bring up two children the same household,

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with the same parents, perhaps the same bedroom and the

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same clothes, and yet they come out to be very

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different people.

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So they come out different.

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And you know, you talk about the fact that they

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come out wired differently.

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Why do you think that is?

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Well, I think that's the way God made us.

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The world will be very boring if we were all

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identical and the same, and we have different skills, we

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have different strains, and that makes this good in one

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area where another person is good in a different area.

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And I mentioned at the beginning of that segment there

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that we were raised on what we call the golden rule,

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and that applies here in that while we acknowledge people

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are different, we don't stop to think about how they're

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different and what we need to do differently. And so

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because I'm a certain way, do unto others as you

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would have them do unto do. I tend to give

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people what I want, and what I want is different

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from what they want based on their basic personality. And

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so you asked me, what do you think is the

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biggest problem in relationships today? And that's what I think

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is the biggest problem in in close relationships. I'm not

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talking about the United States versus a rain or whatever

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that kind of relationship. I'm talking about relationshipships with people

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that we care enough about to step outside of who

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we are and look at what is it this person

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needs from me?

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Because I want to have.

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A good relationship with my steps, I want to have

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a good relationship with my friends.

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I want to have a good relationship with the people.

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I work with, those people who are in my world,

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I want to have a good relationship with them, and

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a big part of that takes being able to step

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back and look at who they are, how they operate,

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and what they need, and then being able to care

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enough about them to provide that to them, to adjust

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my expectations and give them what they need.

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Okay, so you talk about a couple of things, and

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I think one is how do they communicate?

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Number one?

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Number two how do they want to be communicated too?

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And number three? And you talk about needs, and I

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find that interest to share a little bit more, and

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then we'll get back to the other stuff. When you

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talk about needs, what are you talking about? I mean,

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we all have needs, but and some are very similar.

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But what are the differentials in personalities relative.

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To the needs that they have, at least in your experience.

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Yeah, well, let me back up if I could, because

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we covered this last time. But for our people who

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are joining us new tonight, for today, whenever they're listening,

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is that each personality type, there's four basic personality types,

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and I'm just going to run through those real quickly.

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I've got a little hand out here because you were

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mentioning needs, so I was trying to find my little

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handout that addresses that. So we have what I call

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the popular sanguine personality, represented by the color yellow, and

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that is the fun, loving, outgoing kind of personality. It's

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the one who never met a stranger. But along with that,

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some of the corresponding weaknesses tend to be organization, lack

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of scheduling, talking too loud, not being aware of others

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in the conversation, and monopolizing the conversation.

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So that's what we.

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Call the popular sanguine personality. And let me just mention

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that word sanguine, that you go home, what is she

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talking about? That's a Greek word that was created or

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originated by the great Greek thinker Hippocrates more than two

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thousand years ago, when he first observed that people were different.

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And he's really the father of these concepts. Over the years,

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they've been added to and modernized, but he's really the

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father of them.

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And so the funny sounding.

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Word is one of those Greek words that Hippocrates came

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up with. Because that doesn't mean anything to most people,

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I've added to it a modern day adjective such as popular.

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And I add to it a color.

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And as I always tell people, you mentioned Doug, you're

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familiar more with disc that's fine. I tell people not

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about labels. It's about relationships. So if you're familiar with

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a different system, as I go along, just kind of

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translate as we go.

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So I like to start with the popular seguine.

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Then I go to the opposite, which is the perfect

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melancholy personality represented by the color blue, because that's the

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person who is deep, thoughtful, introspective. They tend to be

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a perfectionist. As a negative of that, however, they tend

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to expect perfectionism from other people and they don't.

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If they're not wired that way, they're not going to

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be that.

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Therefore, they tend to be disappointed in relationships more easily,

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and they tend to be boody and depressed more than

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any of the other kinds of personalities.

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Next, we'll go to the.

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Powerful color represented by the color red, and that's the strong, driven,

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goal oriented kind of person the natural boss of life. Now,

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on the flip side of that, they tend to be bossy.

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They tend to be judgmental, and because they've typically grown

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up being right, they have a very hard time apologizing

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when they're wrong. Opposite that, opposite of that, represented by

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the colored green is the peaceful, plegmatic personality, and that's

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the watcher of life. That's the person who's in the background.

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It's the one if you said to them, would you

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like coffee or tea? They're going to say it doesn't matter,

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whichever is easiest, and truly they don't really care.

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Now, this person the peaceful plegmatic.

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On the rare occasions that they voice an opinion, you

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better pay attention because when they do voice an opinion,

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they mean it strongly, and some people as a result,

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think they can be very stubborn, which confuses people sometimes

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in watching them with the peaceful phlegmatic green being stubborn

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and the powerful colored red being controlling. But when you

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understand where it's coming from, it makes sense.

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Okay, So let's also define for people, because I know

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a lot of people are aware of left brain, right brain, extrovert, introvert?

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Are are you able to take those? And kind of

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shuare what those are?

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Yeah?

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Basically, the top two are the extrovert and they're also

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the hot personalities, and that's why they are the hot colors.

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The bottom two are the introverts and hence the cool colors.

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They prefer to stay in the background. These people prefer

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to be out front, in charge. Over here on this side,

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the yellow and the green, the people of flegmatics are

231
00:12:36.200 --> 00:12:40.159
in the popular sanguine tend to be the more creative types,

232
00:12:40.480 --> 00:12:44.840
although again this is sometimes confusing for people because both

233
00:12:44.879 --> 00:12:49.799
the popular sanguine and the perfect Melancholy can be very creative.

234
00:12:49.840 --> 00:12:52.960
It's different. They can be artistic and musical.

235
00:12:53.399 --> 00:12:58.000
The perfect Melancholy tends to be musical more like mastering

236
00:12:58.120 --> 00:13:02.360
the craft. They want to learn the piece perfectly, where

237
00:13:02.360 --> 00:13:06.480
the popular sanguine wings it for and so they're more

238
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They're the more creative in that way, where these two

239
00:13:09.840 --> 00:13:14.279
here are more business focused. As a combination, person, I

240
00:13:14.480 --> 00:13:18.159
like to say this combination the powerful choleric and the

241
00:13:18.200 --> 00:13:21.440
perfect Melancholy combined, which I would.

242
00:13:21.240 --> 00:13:23.000
Guess is what you probably are.

243
00:13:23.120 --> 00:13:26.799
Is this combination, I'd like to say that this is

244
00:13:26.960 --> 00:13:31.679
corporate America's favorite person because this is the person who

245
00:13:31.720 --> 00:13:35.279
becomes the workaholic. This is the person who can take

246
00:13:35.440 --> 00:13:37.240
charge of a project and.

247
00:13:37.279 --> 00:13:40.320
Go forth with it and do it really well.

248
00:13:40.639 --> 00:13:44.120
Where this combination, I like to say, is everyone's favorite

249
00:13:44.120 --> 00:13:47.279
person because they have the fun loving nature and the

250
00:13:47.440 --> 00:13:51.519
easy going nature which makes them a good friend but

251
00:13:51.759 --> 00:13:53.240
not so much a great worker.

252
00:13:53.399 --> 00:13:56.200
Okay, so you talk about needs, Now, when what do

253
00:13:56.240 --> 00:13:57.399
you define by nees?

254
00:13:57.639 --> 00:14:01.639
And you know, how how is that? How is that yellow?

255
00:14:02.120 --> 00:14:06.399
What are their needs versus the you know, the red.

256
00:14:06.440 --> 00:14:08.600
Perfect melancholy, which is the opposite.

257
00:14:09.039 --> 00:14:14.200
Yeah, so the popular sague has emotional needs that come prepackaged,

258
00:14:14.519 --> 00:14:18.679
and we need attention and approval. That's part of why

259
00:14:18.759 --> 00:14:22.240
we dress like we do because we want to be noticed.

260
00:14:22.480 --> 00:14:25.240
We want people to see that we're there, and we

261
00:14:25.320 --> 00:14:28.000
also want people to love us. Hug us, kiss us,

262
00:14:28.279 --> 00:14:31.559
touch us, and tell us that we are wondering. We

263
00:14:31.600 --> 00:14:35.440
don't necessarily want to have done anything to get that approval,

264
00:14:35.879 --> 00:14:39.440
but we just want to be loved, hug kissed, and touched. Now,

265
00:14:39.480 --> 00:14:43.279
the perfect melancholy on the opposite of that, the perfect

266
00:14:43.320 --> 00:14:49.120
melancholy needs sensitivity and space. So the perfect melancholy And

267
00:14:49.320 --> 00:14:51.799
we haven't gotten to this part yet, but it's appropriate

268
00:14:51.840 --> 00:14:54.720
to mention now, we tend to marry someone who is

269
00:14:54.960 --> 00:14:58.000
opposite from us, and we may or may not marry,

270
00:14:58.000 --> 00:14:59.960
but you know, in a long term relationship, we tend

271
00:15:00.080 --> 00:15:03.159
and actually be attracted to someone who's opposite from us

272
00:15:03.440 --> 00:15:06.720
because we see in that person, even though it maybe

273
00:15:06.840 --> 00:15:09.919
isn't conscious, but we see in that person something we

274
00:15:10.000 --> 00:15:13.759
know we are lacking in ourselves. So for me being

275
00:15:13.799 --> 00:15:16.200
the popular sang, but I'm the top two, but I'm

276
00:15:16.440 --> 00:15:18.759
a little more of the popular segment depending on the

277
00:15:18.879 --> 00:15:21.360
role that I'm playing. But you know where I am

278
00:15:21.399 --> 00:15:23.600
in life is what I mean by the role I'm playing.

279
00:15:24.000 --> 00:15:28.120
But I'm married to someone who is perfect melancholy. He's

280
00:15:28.159 --> 00:15:31.600
a CPA, he's quiet way, he gives me a lot

281
00:15:31.600 --> 00:15:33.879
of one word answers, and I talk to me he says,

282
00:15:33.919 --> 00:15:36.600
I'm a man of few words, and it's like, yeah,

283
00:15:36.639 --> 00:15:38.600
I know that, but could you just tell me I

284
00:15:38.600 --> 00:15:41.440
did a good job, you know. And so we tend

285
00:15:41.440 --> 00:15:45.480
to have an opposite because inherent in the perfect melancholy.

286
00:15:45.559 --> 00:15:48.919
And again this is not always a conscious thought until

287
00:15:49.120 --> 00:15:52.960
someone hears someone like me talk about it and they go, oh, yeah,

288
00:15:53.200 --> 00:15:57.559
but the perfect melancholy they expect excuse me, they expect

289
00:15:57.759 --> 00:16:00.919
perfect Now, I'm not ever going to be perfect enough

290
00:16:01.240 --> 00:16:04.120
on my own. I'm just not ever gonna be perfect enough.

291
00:16:04.360 --> 00:16:08.000
And subconsciously, this person thinks if I tell this person

292
00:16:08.440 --> 00:16:11.480
that they're good, they're gonna think this level of work

293
00:16:11.559 --> 00:16:15.480
is acceptable. And it's not acceptable. It's not quite good enough.

294
00:16:15.519 --> 00:16:16.679
It's better maybe the.

295
00:16:16.759 --> 00:16:19.120
Last week, but it's not quite good enough.

296
00:16:19.120 --> 00:16:21.360
And you see that maybe more in a work situation,

297
00:16:21.759 --> 00:16:23.399
but it happens in a marriage as well.

298
00:16:23.399 --> 00:16:24.799
And I'm sure you've seen.

299
00:16:24.559 --> 00:16:29.679
As I have marriages where the man who's married to

300
00:16:29.919 --> 00:16:32.320
let's say, the man is the perfect melancho, and he's

301
00:16:32.399 --> 00:16:35.399
married to the popular seguine, and she's kind of the cheerleader.

302
00:16:35.759 --> 00:16:39.120
She's the cute, bubbly one, and everybody loves her. She

303
00:16:39.200 --> 00:16:42.360
forgets to make dinner, she gets home late, she forgets

304
00:16:42.399 --> 00:16:45.519
to go do whatever. You know, she just forgets. And

305
00:16:47.279 --> 00:16:50.559
we've all seen this. The perfect melancholy man who's a

306
00:16:50.639 --> 00:16:55.360
lawyer day, he's whatever, a very precise kind of individual,

307
00:16:55.840 --> 00:16:59.960
and he leaves her for his secretary. And the same

308
00:17:00.000 --> 00:17:03.200
secretary is kind of unattractive. I mean, this happened in

309
00:17:03.200 --> 00:17:06.480
my own family. The secretary is kind of unattractive, and

310
00:17:06.599 --> 00:17:09.880
those of us looking in from the outside, we go,

311
00:17:10.319 --> 00:17:11.559
what made him get.

312
00:17:11.440 --> 00:17:15.599
Rid of her? For her? I mean, you're probably roughly

313
00:17:15.680 --> 00:17:17.440
my age at least, so you'll relate to this.

314
00:17:17.480 --> 00:17:21.039
Our audience may or may not. But when King Charles,

315
00:17:21.119 --> 00:17:24.440
well he wasn't king then. But when Charles left Diana

316
00:17:24.680 --> 00:17:27.400
for Camilla, I know, they were just in the United

317
00:17:27.440 --> 00:17:30.799
States this week, so it's very error. When this airs,

318
00:17:30.799 --> 00:17:33.200
it'll be last month. But they were just here and

319
00:17:33.240 --> 00:17:35.640
you look at her and you think of Diana, and

320
00:17:35.680 --> 00:17:37.799
you're like what was he thinking to.

321
00:17:37.839 --> 00:17:41.640
Leave her for her? Well, chances are.

322
00:17:41.799 --> 00:17:46.480
She met his emotional needs where the popular sanguine personality

323
00:17:46.680 --> 00:17:49.200
long ago gave up trying to meet him, trying to

324
00:17:49.240 --> 00:17:52.359
meet his needs and went often did her own thing.

325
00:17:52.839 --> 00:17:56.680
And that's what very often happens. It's a similar story

326
00:17:57.079 --> 00:17:58.000
with this company.

327
00:17:58.279 --> 00:18:00.880
But I've kind of went off on a marriage tangent

328
00:18:00.920 --> 00:18:02.400
that you didn't really ask about.

329
00:18:02.480 --> 00:18:05.119
But now I don't even know what your question was.

330
00:18:05.200 --> 00:18:08.400
But that is what you're talking about, emotional needs. That's

331
00:18:08.400 --> 00:18:08.920
where we were.

332
00:18:09.240 --> 00:18:13.960
So the perfect melancholy needs sensitivity in space. Well, you've

333
00:18:14.000 --> 00:18:16.519
got to sit with the perfect melancholy if you want

334
00:18:16.519 --> 00:18:19.000
to say to them, I'm a popular saying when married

335
00:18:19.000 --> 00:18:21.920
to a perfect melancholy, that's the norm. And I say,

336
00:18:21.960 --> 00:18:24.559
how is your day? And what's he going to say?

337
00:18:25.160 --> 00:18:29.240
Okay, yeah, And I'm not going to get more out

338
00:18:29.240 --> 00:18:33.640
of him unless I slow down, I quiet down, and

339
00:18:33.759 --> 00:18:36.440
I sit down, and I sit there with him, and

340
00:18:36.480 --> 00:18:38.160
I don't necessarily say anything.

341
00:18:38.440 --> 00:18:41.559
I give him sensitivity and I give him space. Maybe

342
00:18:41.599 --> 00:18:43.960
I reach out and hold his hand and say, you know,

343
00:18:44.079 --> 00:18:46.880
what looks like something's really bothering you today? Did something

344
00:18:47.000 --> 00:18:48.200
happened bad now.

345
00:18:48.279 --> 00:18:50.119
He may have said everything was fine earlier.

346
00:18:50.480 --> 00:18:53.920
But when I slow down, quiet down, and sit down,

347
00:18:54.240 --> 00:18:58.079
then when I give him the sensitivity and space that

348
00:18:58.119 --> 00:19:01.200
he needs. Now, my husband that I'm married to now,

349
00:19:01.240 --> 00:19:03.359
and it is my second marriage.

350
00:19:03.359 --> 00:19:04.200
He's these two.

351
00:19:04.559 --> 00:19:08.759
He's a CPA, but he's also the low key background

352
00:19:08.799 --> 00:19:12.559
that I have for years in my speeches, been telling people,

353
00:19:12.599 --> 00:19:17.119
if you're married to a peaceful plegmatic, he needs respect

354
00:19:17.480 --> 00:19:21.519
and a feeling of self worth. His batteries are drained

355
00:19:21.559 --> 00:19:24.039
by t people. Both of these are so my husband

356
00:19:24.160 --> 00:19:27.920
is the combination brained by people. And I've been saying

357
00:19:27.920 --> 00:19:31.000
to people, if you're married to a peaceful plegmatic. When

358
00:19:31.039 --> 00:19:35.559
he comes home, he literally needs thirty minutes in the recliner. Now,

359
00:19:35.599 --> 00:19:39.319
remember he's probably married to the powerful cooler, the worker

360
00:19:39.559 --> 00:19:42.759
of life. And if they don't understand this, when he

361
00:19:42.920 --> 00:19:46.359
walks in the door, he's going to say to him,

362
00:19:46.680 --> 00:19:49.119
I need you to take out the trash, Donnie needs

363
00:19:49.119 --> 00:19:51.440
help with his homework, you know, and so forth, whatever

364
00:19:51.680 --> 00:19:54.839
the story might be. And he's going to feel overwhelmed

365
00:19:54.880 --> 00:19:58.039
because he needs that thirty minutes in the recliner to

366
00:19:58.119 --> 00:20:01.680
recharge his batteries. One day, I was going to go

367
00:20:01.680 --> 00:20:04.599
speak on this topic early in my husband's and I married,

368
00:20:04.680 --> 00:20:06.759
not early early, we've been married eleven and a half

369
00:20:06.839 --> 00:20:10.319
years now, but fairly early in our marriage. And I

370
00:20:10.400 --> 00:20:13.000
was going to go speak on this topic. And before

371
00:20:13.039 --> 00:20:14.880
I was going to go speak on it, he said

372
00:20:14.920 --> 00:20:16.880
to me, And I'm his third wife.

373
00:20:16.920 --> 00:20:19.839
He's my second husband, he said to me, he.

374
00:20:19.839 --> 00:20:22.839
Said, you are my first the first wife who has

375
00:20:22.880 --> 00:20:27.480
ever understood me. Now, to me, that's relationship gold, That's

376
00:20:27.559 --> 00:20:30.759
what this whole thing is about. Because I understood that

377
00:20:30.839 --> 00:20:32.559
he needs to sit in the recliner.

378
00:20:32.960 --> 00:20:35.160
And fortunately he's a very good man.

379
00:20:35.480 --> 00:20:38.160
He's responsible, he mows the lawn when it needs to

380
00:20:38.160 --> 00:20:40.680
me mode I don't have to nag him things like that.

381
00:20:41.160 --> 00:20:45.599
But this is where relationships have problems because unless we

382
00:20:45.799 --> 00:20:50.799
understand the need that come prepackaged with that person, we

383
00:20:50.960 --> 00:20:54.039
tend to give them what we want rather than what

384
00:20:54.039 --> 00:20:56.079
they want. I know that was a really long answer,

385
00:20:56.079 --> 00:20:57.599
but I hope it answered.

386
00:20:57.279 --> 00:20:58.079
Your question well.

387
00:20:58.160 --> 00:21:01.119
And I think that's so important to stand And I

388
00:21:01.119 --> 00:21:04.119
appreciate you going that, you know far, because you know

389
00:21:04.160 --> 00:21:08.079
it's fascinating. As you said initially, we will be attracted

390
00:21:08.119 --> 00:21:12.400
to someone who is opposite of us. When that doesn't work,

391
00:21:13.480 --> 00:21:15.960
then we get attracted to someone who's similar to us.

392
00:21:16.440 --> 00:21:19.559
But I think the whole key is how do we

393
00:21:19.680 --> 00:21:25.000
help people to understand Number one, what do they do

394
00:21:25.119 --> 00:21:29.640
before they ever get into that committed relationship to make

395
00:21:29.680 --> 00:21:34.039
sure that whatever it happens to be, they're able then

396
00:21:34.160 --> 00:21:37.559
to start doing that right from the get go. So

397
00:21:37.759 --> 00:21:41.839
for instance, understanding that you know that you are free

398
00:21:41.880 --> 00:21:44.200
going and you love to talk and so forth, and

399
00:21:44.680 --> 00:21:47.000
you know, here I am, and it's like, all right,

400
00:21:47.079 --> 00:21:49.160
I'm I've got a sock, I'm ready to put it

401
00:21:49.200 --> 00:21:54.279
in your mouth, the type of things, because that's my personality.

402
00:21:54.559 --> 00:21:58.640
So so the question I have is, you know, I

403
00:21:58.680 --> 00:22:03.279
always believe in prevent versus you know, trying to do

404
00:22:03.319 --> 00:22:07.799
it later on. So what would you recommend to people

405
00:22:08.640 --> 00:22:13.799
at whatever age that are starting to get into a relationship.

406
00:22:14.319 --> 00:22:17.559
What would you suggest be some of the key elements

407
00:22:17.640 --> 00:22:22.440
that they consider and that they actually do to make

408
00:22:22.519 --> 00:22:25.559
sure that whatever that happens to be, Because they can

409
00:22:25.599 --> 00:22:29.400
be wonderful either way as long as you're figuring it out,

410
00:22:30.000 --> 00:22:32.400
What would you suggest people start with?

411
00:22:32.960 --> 00:22:34.240
How do they start to.

412
00:22:34.160 --> 00:22:37.880
Do this in a way that once they get into

413
00:22:37.920 --> 00:22:41.279
that committed relationship, they have a higher confidence of it working.

414
00:22:41.440 --> 00:22:44.240
Well, you know, read my book. That's the simple answer.

415
00:22:44.240 --> 00:22:46.119
But I know that's not the answer you really want.

416
00:22:46.160 --> 00:22:48.880
But let me give you a little example. Okay, going

417
00:22:48.920 --> 00:22:53.759
back to my little chart here. Okay, So the relationships

418
00:22:53.759 --> 00:22:56.440
that work the most easily, and I have a whole

419
00:22:56.519 --> 00:22:58.720
chapter on this in the book, are those that have

420
00:22:59.160 --> 00:23:03.720
one where in common. Now, this doesn't guarantee success, but

421
00:23:03.920 --> 00:23:06.319
what I mean by that is, I'm I mentioned I'm

422
00:23:06.359 --> 00:23:09.119
these two. If I'm married to someone who is this,

423
00:23:09.440 --> 00:23:12.000
which I'm not. But if I'm married to someone who's this,

424
00:23:12.480 --> 00:23:16.799
we have the go go square in common. We both

425
00:23:16.880 --> 00:23:19.960
have the part of our personality that wants to go

426
00:23:20.160 --> 00:23:23.599
and do and accomplish and kick things off the list,

427
00:23:24.000 --> 00:23:27.680
that goal orientation. If someone has this combination, and this

428
00:23:27.799 --> 00:23:32.640
combination one spouse is the popular sanguine perfect I'm peaceful, ptleigmatic.

429
00:23:33.039 --> 00:23:36.720
The other is the popular sanguine powerful color. They have

430
00:23:36.799 --> 00:23:39.720
the fun loving side in common.

431
00:23:39.880 --> 00:23:40.880
Does that make sense to you?

432
00:23:41.440 --> 00:23:42.680
It does? Yeah. Hey.

433
00:23:42.799 --> 00:23:45.920
The hardest combination make work is what my husband now

434
00:23:46.000 --> 00:23:48.440
and I have, which is when one person is the

435
00:23:48.480 --> 00:23:52.599
top two and the other is the bottom two. Because

436
00:23:52.720 --> 00:23:57.880
I'm like tightly wound, I'm turbo charged, because both parts

437
00:23:57.920 --> 00:24:01.200
of me are the extrovert, both parts of me are

438
00:24:01.240 --> 00:24:06.039
the hot personality. So while I say go, go, go,

439
00:24:06.680 --> 00:24:11.480
my husband, who's these two says no, no, no. Just

440
00:24:11.519 --> 00:24:13.759
a week or so ago, he said to me, do

441
00:24:13.839 --> 00:24:17.039
we have to do something every night? And honestly, we

442
00:24:17.119 --> 00:24:20.880
had nothing going on for four nights, but in his mind.

443
00:24:21.119 --> 00:24:24.839
Wants to stay home, low key introverted.

444
00:24:25.279 --> 00:24:28.759
He felt that we were doing things too many nights

445
00:24:28.799 --> 00:24:31.519
and so and that's okay.

446
00:24:31.799 --> 00:24:33.759
We've been married eleven and a half years. We're going

447
00:24:33.799 --> 00:24:35.440
to make it to the end. I'm pretty sure.

448
00:24:35.960 --> 00:24:41.960
But by understanding those differences, by for me understanding that

449
00:24:42.039 --> 00:24:44.519
he doesn't want to go. And the night that I'm

450
00:24:44.519 --> 00:24:47.799
met referencing, I was telling him that I was going

451
00:24:47.839 --> 00:24:50.200
to something and he was not going.

452
00:24:50.319 --> 00:24:52.839
He was not expected to go. But before I even.

453
00:24:52.680 --> 00:24:55.359
Told him that, he said, do we have to have

454
00:24:55.559 --> 00:24:57.000
something every night?

455
00:24:57.480 --> 00:25:00.319
But I said, no, we don't. I'm not expecting you go.

456
00:25:00.759 --> 00:25:02.920
But because I understand he doesn't.

457
00:25:02.759 --> 00:25:05.680
Like to go this stuff because he's this, then but

458
00:25:05.799 --> 00:25:08.079
I want to go, So I book things with my

459
00:25:08.240 --> 00:25:11.920
friends now if it's important, He goes with me. He

460
00:25:12.000 --> 00:25:15.519
knows that upfront. I let him know I would really

461
00:25:15.640 --> 00:25:17.480
like you to go this. I was in charge of

462
00:25:17.599 --> 00:25:20.640
a big event last week and was expected to go

463
00:25:20.720 --> 00:25:22.559
with me to that big event that I was in

464
00:25:22.680 --> 00:25:25.599
charge of. But I don't make him go to everything

465
00:25:25.720 --> 00:25:28.640
I go to. So what I'm saying is when you

466
00:25:28.960 --> 00:25:32.640
understand that at the beginning of a relationship, to identify

467
00:25:32.720 --> 00:25:37.640
that person's personality, and then you adjust your expectations based

468
00:25:37.680 --> 00:25:40.759
on their strengths and weaknesses. Like I understand my husband

469
00:25:40.799 --> 00:25:43.680
needs time in the recliner when he gets home. I mean,

470
00:25:43.839 --> 00:25:46.519
just Sunday at church, I wore an outfit to church

471
00:25:46.799 --> 00:25:48.160
that I probably haven't worn.

472
00:25:48.400 --> 00:25:48.759
I don't know.

473
00:25:48.799 --> 00:25:51.759
I bought it probably thirteen years ago, and I told

474
00:25:51.839 --> 00:25:54.680
him this whole story about my outfit at church, or

475
00:25:54.720 --> 00:25:56.480
on the way to church, I told him, and he

476
00:25:56.559 --> 00:25:57.720
kind of looked at me, like.

477
00:25:57.920 --> 00:26:00.359
Why do I need to know this? Well, I'm just

478
00:26:00.359 --> 00:26:01.319
feeling the dead air.

479
00:26:01.680 --> 00:26:04.960
But I thought it was interesting, and so I'll just

480
00:26:05.000 --> 00:26:08.319
give me examples of kind of that different viewpoint, how

481
00:26:08.400 --> 00:26:10.079
we see things differently.

482
00:26:10.119 --> 00:26:12.440
But if we understand that, he and I were able

483
00:26:12.440 --> 00:26:13.079
to laugh.

484
00:26:12.880 --> 00:26:15.160
About that because I'm like, well, I know, I know

485
00:26:15.200 --> 00:26:17.200
you don't really care, but you know. And I said,

486
00:26:17.200 --> 00:26:19.079
I've got a picture of me that I sent you

487
00:26:19.160 --> 00:26:20.559
wearing this outfit when.

488
00:26:20.359 --> 00:26:21.079
We were dating.

489
00:26:21.160 --> 00:26:22.440
I could show it to you when we get home.

490
00:26:22.480 --> 00:26:25.240
And he said, he's so funny. It was real droll.

491
00:26:25.480 --> 00:26:27.680
He said, I don't need to see the picture. I'm

492
00:26:27.680 --> 00:26:30.599
looking at you now in that outfit. So, you know,

493
00:26:31.680 --> 00:26:35.000
we just we just see things differently. But when you

494
00:26:35.279 --> 00:26:38.880
understand that in a relationship, you can laugh about it

495
00:26:38.960 --> 00:26:41.119
rather than being hurt about it.

496
00:26:41.160 --> 00:26:41.960
Does that make sense?

497
00:26:42.279 --> 00:26:42.920
Well? It does.

498
00:26:43.119 --> 00:26:46.400
And so when we're talking about, you know, being able

499
00:26:46.480 --> 00:26:50.960
to start a relationship at a much higher level, it

500
00:26:51.039 --> 00:26:53.119
sounds to me like number one, you need.

501
00:26:53.000 --> 00:26:54.759
To be able to praise a much higher level.

502
00:26:55.000 --> 00:26:58.640
Yeah, you need to identify who the other person is,

503
00:26:58.680 --> 00:27:02.680
what their personality time is, and you know, there are

504
00:27:02.720 --> 00:27:04.599
a bunch of other things that you need to identify,

505
00:27:04.720 --> 00:27:09.680
but definitely the personality type, what are their expectations or

506
00:27:09.759 --> 00:27:13.960
needs type of thing, and then be able to communicate.

507
00:27:14.079 --> 00:27:16.519
And I think that's where we get into a real

508
00:27:16.599 --> 00:27:23.400
challenge because obviously your husband is open enough to understand

509
00:27:23.839 --> 00:27:25.119
what you're talking about here.

510
00:27:25.279 --> 00:27:26.359
Yeah, he is married to me.

511
00:27:26.680 --> 00:27:31.319
Yeah, but how many times do you find someone in

512
00:27:31.359 --> 00:27:35.720
a relationship where one is really open to wanting to

513
00:27:35.759 --> 00:27:39.759
be able to discuss this and understand the personality types

514
00:27:39.799 --> 00:27:41.920
and the differences and the different needs and so forth,

515
00:27:41.960 --> 00:27:45.759
their expectations, and the other person just like you know.

516
00:27:45.960 --> 00:27:47.759
That's so, that's just a bunch of goal.

517
00:27:48.200 --> 00:27:51.759
Well, it definitely does happen. But you know what, First off,

518
00:27:51.799 --> 00:27:54.119
if you're only dating, quit dating right now.

519
00:27:54.359 --> 00:27:55.880
But okay, if.

520
00:27:55.759 --> 00:27:58.440
You're you know, really committed to that relationship where you're

521
00:27:58.440 --> 00:28:01.319
already have fallen in loved this person and you're really

522
00:28:01.359 --> 00:28:04.559
committed to making this work, I can assure you that

523
00:28:04.680 --> 00:28:09.880
even if only one person applies this information, applies these concepts,

524
00:28:10.200 --> 00:28:13.799
and the other person is at least a decent human being.

525
00:28:14.160 --> 00:28:17.480
And there is that because there are people with psychotic

526
00:28:17.519 --> 00:28:18.880
disorders and so forth.

527
00:28:18.680 --> 00:28:20.000
And we're not talking about them.

528
00:28:20.160 --> 00:28:23.039
We're talking about a normal, decent human being, and hopefully

529
00:28:23.079 --> 00:28:26.079
you wouldn't be dating them if they weren't that. But

530
00:28:26.559 --> 00:28:30.839
if you start meeting their needs, you start giving them

531
00:28:31.039 --> 00:28:34.400
what they need, even if they don't understand what you're doing,

532
00:28:34.839 --> 00:28:38.920
they will respond positively to that. But let me back up,

533
00:28:38.960 --> 00:28:42.160
if I ken Doug because I like to talk about

534
00:28:42.319 --> 00:28:44.480
I don't think we talked about this last time on

535
00:28:44.519 --> 00:28:45.640
our last episode.

536
00:28:45.880 --> 00:28:47.319
The visual clues.

537
00:28:47.400 --> 00:28:50.400
And this is important for dating because if you're dating

538
00:28:50.480 --> 00:28:54.240
someone in the very beginning, especially, it may be difficult

539
00:28:54.240 --> 00:28:56.640
to go up to them and say, excuse me, would

540
00:28:56.720 --> 00:29:00.480
you take this personality profile so I can figure you out?

541
00:29:00.880 --> 00:29:04.400
That might be off putting early in a relationship. I mean,

542
00:29:04.440 --> 00:29:06.960
it kind of depends on the person. Some people are

543
00:29:07.000 --> 00:29:10.480
into this stuff, but some people are not. And but

544
00:29:10.559 --> 00:29:12.759
if you know what to watch for, and I mean

545
00:29:13.039 --> 00:29:18.599
body language, clothing, personal space, their car, and so forth,

546
00:29:19.079 --> 00:29:23.839
you can almost more accurately identify someone's personality than if

547
00:29:23.880 --> 00:29:26.599
you have them take a profile. Because for a lot

548
00:29:26.640 --> 00:29:28.960
of people, they have a lot of baggage tied up

549
00:29:29.000 --> 00:29:31.960
in who they think they are. There's what their parents

550
00:29:32.000 --> 00:29:34.759
wanted them to do, what their teachers wanted them to do,

551
00:29:34.839 --> 00:29:37.960
what their spouses want them to be, what their bosses

552
00:29:38.039 --> 00:29:40.240
want them to be. And by the time you get

553
00:29:40.279 --> 00:29:43.640
someone who's in their forties or fifties, they're often they

554
00:29:43.640 --> 00:29:47.200
don't really have a real clue who they are. But

555
00:29:47.279 --> 00:29:50.279
if you watch them day in and day out, and

556
00:29:50.319 --> 00:29:52.839
you see them at their best and you see them

557
00:29:52.920 --> 00:29:57.440
at their worst. You often can identify someone's personality type

558
00:29:57.680 --> 00:30:00.960
without having them have to take a persononality profile.

559
00:30:01.319 --> 00:30:03.519
And then once you understand.

560
00:30:03.000 --> 00:30:06.559
That, then you begin to look at the strengths and

561
00:30:06.599 --> 00:30:09.799
the weaknesses of each personality type and the.

562
00:30:09.880 --> 00:30:11.000
Side can I live with?

563
00:30:11.039 --> 00:30:11.119
This?

564
00:30:11.359 --> 00:30:13.359
Is this something that I can live with?

565
00:30:13.400 --> 00:30:17.400
And you know, love overshadows all of that, and then

566
00:30:17.440 --> 00:30:20.359
we make that effort to meet the emotional needs as

567
00:30:20.359 --> 00:30:21.559
we talked about earlier.

568
00:30:21.720 --> 00:30:23.599
Well, and I think you made an interesting point, and

569
00:30:23.640 --> 00:30:27.680
this is something that has been a continuous element as

570
00:30:27.720 --> 00:30:30.559
I have interviewed a number of different people, particularly those

571
00:30:30.640 --> 00:30:32.480
that are marriage counselors.

572
00:30:32.079 --> 00:30:34.839
Or who are working with couples.

573
00:30:34.519 --> 00:30:37.640
And one of the interesting things that has come out

574
00:30:38.039 --> 00:30:42.119
more often than not is something that you made reference to,

575
00:30:42.279 --> 00:30:45.839
and that is that if there's one person that is

576
00:30:45.880 --> 00:30:49.720
willing to understand that and has the mindset and the

577
00:30:49.759 --> 00:30:54.599
ability to be patient enough to you know, start to

578
00:30:55.319 --> 00:30:58.759
understand the other personality even though you haven't done you know,

579
00:30:58.799 --> 00:31:03.000
the assessment or whatever, and start to respond to that

580
00:31:03.079 --> 00:31:06.079
in a positive way and communicate that in a positive way.

581
00:31:06.599 --> 00:31:10.319
What what I have observed from everyone I've talked to

582
00:31:10.839 --> 00:31:14.119
is that more often than not, not always, but more

583
00:31:14.160 --> 00:31:17.559
often than not, the other person starts to come around.

584
00:31:17.880 --> 00:31:19.279
Yes, and all of.

585
00:31:19.160 --> 00:31:23.160
A sudden, you have a much better relationship. And I

586
00:31:23.200 --> 00:31:26.720
think that as that continues, usually I would think that

587
00:31:26.720 --> 00:31:31.359
that other person with the communication starts to understand.

588
00:31:30.960 --> 00:31:32.720
It a little bit more and appreciate it.

589
00:31:32.720 --> 00:31:36.160
It's just like, yeah, it's just like what your husband said.

590
00:31:36.160 --> 00:31:39.759
You know, you're the first person that understands me, you know.

591
00:31:39.880 --> 00:31:42.359
And I'm sure I don't know that that communication ever

592
00:31:42.440 --> 00:31:44.839
went on ahead of time, but all of a sudden

593
00:31:44.880 --> 00:31:49.599
he's having the realization that, wow, she understands me. So

594
00:31:49.960 --> 00:31:52.119
but here here's the element I want to talk about

595
00:31:52.160 --> 00:31:55.319
a little bit, because we have a whole other element

596
00:31:55.839 --> 00:31:59.960
that is that affects that, and that's the emotional intelligence

597
00:32:00.119 --> 00:32:03.880
level of the individual. And you know, there's a number

598
00:32:03.920 --> 00:32:08.000
of different models out there as far as emotional intelligence,

599
00:32:08.160 --> 00:32:09.880
level of emotions and so forth.

600
00:32:10.400 --> 00:32:12.240
But have you found that?

601
00:32:12.759 --> 00:32:14.519
And I don't know if you've really looked into that

602
00:32:14.599 --> 00:32:16.279
at all, So let me start with that question.

603
00:32:16.400 --> 00:32:18.920
If not my expertise, I am fully aware of it,

604
00:32:18.960 --> 00:32:21.039
but it definitely is not my expertise.

605
00:32:21.160 --> 00:32:22.960
But I think I can answer your question.

606
00:32:22.759 --> 00:32:26.319
Anyway, So do you find that because the other thing

607
00:32:26.359 --> 00:32:30.319
that I find, which I find is fascinating, is that

608
00:32:30.839 --> 00:32:34.920
when you talk about these different personalities, when everything's going well,

609
00:32:35.480 --> 00:32:39.279
there's definitely you know how they act, how they behave,

610
00:32:39.359 --> 00:32:42.279
and so on and so forth. But when they're under stress,

611
00:32:42.920 --> 00:32:46.000
all of a sudden, you see an entirely different behavior

612
00:32:46.759 --> 00:32:51.119
very often. And so I guess the question I have

613
00:32:51.519 --> 00:32:56.559
is how do you deal with someone? For instance, I

614
00:32:56.640 --> 00:33:01.359
just wrote an article in Substack talking about, you know,

615
00:33:01.640 --> 00:33:06.759
our wonderful service people who have been truly have been

616
00:33:06.839 --> 00:33:11.200
to war, and the challenges is they come back with

617
00:33:11.960 --> 00:33:16.519
living life because here they've been dealing with an entirely

618
00:33:16.880 --> 00:33:20.200
different type of situation that they had to be.

619
00:33:20.359 --> 00:33:21.599
In order to survive.

620
00:33:22.160 --> 00:33:25.839
Now they come back home that doesn't exist anymore, but

621
00:33:25.960 --> 00:33:30.279
in their mind it's still there. How do you help

622
00:33:30.440 --> 00:33:36.480
someone to understand that when someone gets under stress, they're

623
00:33:36.480 --> 00:33:39.799
going to behave a little bit differently, or maybe a

624
00:33:39.920 --> 00:33:44.400
lot differently, And how do you deal with that as

625
00:33:44.440 --> 00:33:48.200
the individual that's been receiving that different response.

626
00:33:48.680 --> 00:33:50.960
Well, as I said, you know emotional intelligence.

627
00:33:51.039 --> 00:33:53.799
I don't know that this really falls into emotional intelligence,

628
00:33:53.799 --> 00:33:57.519
but it's not my expertise. But remember I said a

629
00:33:57.519 --> 00:34:00.680
a few moments ago, when you're dealing with someone who's

630
00:34:00.720 --> 00:34:05.720
a good, decent, moral person, that they will usually respond positively.

631
00:34:05.960 --> 00:34:09.639
When someone's dealing with PSD, for example, I'm not saying

632
00:34:09.679 --> 00:34:11.719
that they're not a good moral person. I'm just saying

633
00:34:12.039 --> 00:34:16.239
they're not functioning in a normal way what we would

634
00:34:16.280 --> 00:34:19.039
think of as normal, because of the stress that they

635
00:34:19.039 --> 00:34:21.760
have been through. So but what I want to address

636
00:34:21.880 --> 00:34:23.960
is not that level of stress.

637
00:34:24.039 --> 00:34:26.039
No, No, And I don't want to address that level either,

638
00:34:26.079 --> 00:34:30.559
because what I'm what I'm talking about is there are

639
00:34:30.599 --> 00:34:33.880
those that, depending on where they work or you know,

640
00:34:33.920 --> 00:34:38.239
their profession, or their childhood experiences or whatever that happens

641
00:34:38.280 --> 00:34:40.400
to be, or even the people that they tend to

642
00:34:40.440 --> 00:34:43.880
be around, or even social media, and the effect that

643
00:34:43.880 --> 00:34:46.719
that's having on them, all of a sudden, you see

644
00:34:46.840 --> 00:34:52.840
an entirely different level of emotion that is not necessarily

645
00:34:52.960 --> 00:34:55.599
equated to that personality type.

646
00:34:55.800 --> 00:34:57.880
Well, let me let me explain it this way and

647
00:34:57.920 --> 00:35:00.920
see if if we're on the same page, and I

648
00:35:00.960 --> 00:35:04.199
think we probably will be. But as I've talked about

649
00:35:04.239 --> 00:35:08.719
repeatedly that I believe that this whole concept is a

650
00:35:08.880 --> 00:35:11.840
tool for growth, and that we use it, as we've

651
00:35:11.880 --> 00:35:15.119
been talking about, to reach out to those who are

652
00:35:15.159 --> 00:35:18.760
important to us. We use it to adjust our expectations

653
00:35:18.760 --> 00:35:22.119
of others and so forth. But to do that takes

654
00:35:22.280 --> 00:35:27.079
a level of emotional strength for me to step outside

655
00:35:27.079 --> 00:35:30.679
of who I am and give you what you need?

656
00:35:30.840 --> 00:35:32.039
Does that make sense so far?

657
00:35:32.599 --> 00:35:33.840
Absolutely so?

658
00:35:34.039 --> 00:35:37.039
But what if I'm under a lot of stress, I

659
00:35:37.039 --> 00:35:39.800
don't have the emotional energy.

660
00:35:39.800 --> 00:35:42.159
To step outside of who I am and give you

661
00:35:42.280 --> 00:35:43.039
what you need.

662
00:35:43.440 --> 00:35:46.920
I'm going to revert back to who I am naturally

663
00:35:47.000 --> 00:35:50.000
and sadly under a lot of stress. Most of us

664
00:35:50.079 --> 00:35:54.400
function in our weaknesses, not in our strengths. And I've

665
00:35:54.400 --> 00:35:58.199
got here in this personality profile, this whole list of

666
00:35:58.280 --> 00:36:02.599
the strengths and the weakness of each personality type. So

667
00:36:03.199 --> 00:36:06.519
the goal of this whole concept is to use it

668
00:36:06.519 --> 00:36:08.960
as a tool for growth, and by that I mean

669
00:36:09.079 --> 00:36:14.079
to work to eliminate our weaknesses and function in our strengths.

670
00:36:14.119 --> 00:36:17.519
And not just function in our strengths, but to consciously

671
00:36:17.800 --> 00:36:20.119
work to acquire strengths.

672
00:36:19.840 --> 00:36:21.159
That are not natural to us.

673
00:36:21.159 --> 00:36:23.639
And I probably mentioned this to you before, but you

674
00:36:23.639 --> 00:36:25.320
know I had to show up here.

675
00:36:25.480 --> 00:36:26.519
I had to be here with you.

676
00:36:26.599 --> 00:36:29.840
I had to have equipment, I had to get organized

677
00:36:29.880 --> 00:36:31.800
to do that that's not natural to me.

678
00:36:32.320 --> 00:36:33.880
And occasionally I do forget.

679
00:36:33.920 --> 00:36:37.639
It does happen, but very seldom because I really worked

680
00:36:37.960 --> 00:36:41.079
to gain strengths that are not natural to me. But again,

681
00:36:41.280 --> 00:36:45.880
I've had to work at that. It takes emotional energy

682
00:36:46.119 --> 00:36:49.119
to do that. And if I'm highly stressed, I don't

683
00:36:49.159 --> 00:36:52.360
have the energy to be nice to you, for example,

684
00:36:52.480 --> 00:36:55.360
I don't have energy to do those things that are

685
00:36:55.400 --> 00:36:56.480
not natural to me.

686
00:36:56.880 --> 00:36:58.880
And I think the key, there's two keys that I

687
00:36:58.960 --> 00:37:01.679
come from, get from what you just said. Number One,

688
00:37:02.239 --> 00:37:04.880
if we don't have that emotional strength at that point

689
00:37:04.920 --> 00:37:07.239
in time, if we're under stress, and so we're moving

690
00:37:07.280 --> 00:37:12.400
into that different personality type of situation. I think first

691
00:37:12.440 --> 00:37:14.239
of all, we need to be able to have the

692
00:37:14.280 --> 00:37:18.400
type of communication that we can say, Hey, I am

693
00:37:18.480 --> 00:37:23.000
under stress. You're seeing this behavior. Just understand has nothing

694
00:37:23.000 --> 00:37:25.800
to it has nothing to do with you, It has

695
00:37:26.000 --> 00:37:26.599
everything to.

696
00:37:26.559 --> 00:37:28.519
Do with me. Just give me some time here.

697
00:37:29.000 --> 00:37:31.679
And I think that that becomes so important to be

698
00:37:31.719 --> 00:37:35.159
able to communicate that. The other thing that you mentioned

699
00:37:35.360 --> 00:37:38.920
is because yes, we are depending on our personality types

700
00:37:39.400 --> 00:37:44.320
and combinations thereof we will behave we have those weaknesses.

701
00:37:44.360 --> 00:37:46.559
I always say that, you know, if we go beyond

702
00:37:46.559 --> 00:37:48.760
the strength, all of a sudden, it becomes a weakness

703
00:37:48.800 --> 00:37:52.280
if we push so hard, and to understand that as

704
00:37:52.320 --> 00:37:56.960
we observe in our spouse or our partner or our

705
00:37:57.000 --> 00:38:00.880
dear friend, all of a sudden, we're seeing those weaknesses

706
00:38:00.960 --> 00:38:05.480
come out. We consciously can be aware that, hey, they're

707
00:38:05.559 --> 00:38:09.599
under stress, so that a sign of yeah, something's going

708
00:38:09.719 --> 00:38:13.400
something's going on there, and they may or may not,

709
00:38:13.480 --> 00:38:14.159
depending on their.

710
00:38:14.119 --> 00:38:15.840
Personality, they want to talk about it.

711
00:38:15.920 --> 00:38:19.880
But we can certainly be there for them emotionally, and

712
00:38:19.920 --> 00:38:21.960
I think that becomes so key.

713
00:38:22.440 --> 00:38:23.079
So I agree.

714
00:38:23.440 --> 00:38:27.039
You know, this has been a great second communication.

715
00:38:27.119 --> 00:38:29.039
I love it because I think we've gotten into some

716
00:38:29.079 --> 00:38:32.199
other things that we missed the first time. So as

717
00:38:32.199 --> 00:38:37.000
we close, what would be that message to day that

718
00:38:37.039 --> 00:38:39.119
you'd like to share with the audience.

719
00:38:39.159 --> 00:38:42.039
Well, based on what we've talked about today, is that

720
00:38:42.199 --> 00:38:46.239
comes down to that level of caring about that relationship

721
00:38:46.280 --> 00:38:49.840
with the other person. I have found that virtually every

722
00:38:50.000 --> 00:38:54.280
relationship can work. Now again we're talking about normal you know,

723
00:38:54.719 --> 00:38:58.719
human beings here, but virtually every relationship can work.

724
00:38:59.119 --> 00:39:03.880
But every relationship takes work. If you just expect it

725
00:39:03.920 --> 00:39:06.800
to cruise along on its own, it's going to fall apart.

726
00:39:07.199 --> 00:39:10.760
It takes work to keep a relationship together, but virtually

727
00:39:10.840 --> 00:39:13.440
every relationship can work if.

728
00:39:13.280 --> 00:39:16.440
You're wonderful and so real quickly, how do people find

729
00:39:16.639 --> 00:39:18.519
your website and your book?

730
00:39:19.280 --> 00:39:23.719
My website is the personality dot com and that's the

731
00:39:24.239 --> 00:39:27.679
word the TCH and the word personalities plural dot com.

732
00:39:28.039 --> 00:39:30.239
And podcasts like this that I do.

733
00:39:30.320 --> 00:39:32.679
I put them in the resources section, so there's a

734
00:39:32.719 --> 00:39:35.079
link to a lot of extra information.

735
00:39:35.519 --> 00:39:38.199
I've got recordings free recordings.

736
00:39:37.679 --> 00:39:42.199
Of speeches that I've given also the Personality profile. Is

737
00:39:42.239 --> 00:39:46.679
there an electronic version? And Amazon has my book. You

738
00:39:46.719 --> 00:39:48.719
can buy it on my website too, but honestly, I

739
00:39:48.800 --> 00:39:51.559
prefer you buy it on Amazon, as strange as that sounds.

740
00:39:51.800 --> 00:39:54.679
They'll get it to you quicker and cheaper than I will.

741
00:39:54.719 --> 00:39:59.760
And if you are a Kindle Unlimited member, my book

742
00:39:59.800 --> 00:40:00.599
is read for you.

743
00:40:01.000 --> 00:40:01.119
Uh.

744
00:40:01.480 --> 00:40:04.320
That's wonderful, Murda, thank you so much again.

745
00:40:05.840 --> 00:40:07.519
Been a delight to be with you again. Thank you.

746
00:40:07.559 --> 00:40:09.880
I really appreciate it. And folks, I hope you, I

747
00:40:09.880 --> 00:40:10.440
hope you're.

748
00:40:10.320 --> 00:40:13.079
Getting some key elements out of this something that's going

749
00:40:13.159 --> 00:40:15.840
to make a difference for you. Appreciate your listening, look

750
00:40:15.880 --> 00:40:18.280
forward to having to join us again soon. This is

751
00:40:18.360 --> 00:40:21.320
doctor Doug saying now mistay

752
00:40:22.880 --> 00:40:29.000
With you.