Worrier to Warrior

0:01 At the end of the day, it's not about what you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted at, who you've made better. It's about what you've given back. Denzel Washington, Welcome to Inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you to do the same. Derek Johnson, Hey, thanks so much for being on the show. Thanks for having me, Doctor doug Hey, I really appreciate it. You know, this is going to be interesting because it's like you really focus on physical fitness and those type of things, and yet we're going to talk about that, but all sorts of other aspects to that. So what I'd love for you to do is to share with the audience who you are and how you came to this point in your life that you're doing what you're doing and helping make a difference in other people's lives.

0:57 Yes, for sure, I appreciate it. Number One, I'm excited to be here. So my name is Darik Johnson. I'm a US Army veteran termed life coach. So essentially what I do nowadays. I help people break old patterns so they could thrive, not just survive. So if there are certain childhood traumas that they have and they haven't gotten over, if there are certain vices that are controlling them, whether those things are drugs and alcohol, it's start struggling with food, bad relationship with food, or any other negative emotion or past experience. I help them pinpoint what that thing is and what their patterns are that are holding them back. Because some people they crush it in one or two areas of their life, but other areas they kind of push it into the closet or slider it under the road and they're like, I'll get around to it. I'll get around to it. We pull those things out and then we work on it. So I have the fitness aspect and then the mental aspects, so we combine both get them in better physical condition and most importantly, help them and guide them to get over past traumas so they can feel like they're free again and they can fully breathe, so they're not carrying this quote unquote baggage with them into every single thing that they do, which can hold them back. So that's essentially what I do now, and just quick backstory on it. I grew up my father was US Army for twenty plus years, so he had the drill sergeant mentality, and he's also a farm boy, so that work ethic is in my bloodline. On my dad's side, a farm boy turned army, and my mother she's German, so my mother has been a kindergarten teacher for forty five years, So I had the teacher mom.

2:27 I had the drill sergeant father, so that mentality was always instilled in me. But both of my parents they grew up very poor and then they became successful, and with their upbringing they saw a lot of violence, traumas, very dark times, and they had to be the parent for their brothers and sisters and cousins, nieces and nephews because they were the oldest. So they went into the workfield at thirteen fourteen years old and were just taking care of family and all that while their mothers were working. And so with that, they got into careers early, and they did not have the opportunity to do deep inner work of life coaching or therapy or senor psychologists and things of that nature. So they went all in on careers and serving others and making a positive impact in the world. But because they neglected themselves at night, they would start to drink more So in middle school when I was eleven, I noticed that between the hours of nine pm to one am, they would consume more alcohol after the cookouts, after they get togethers, and then their son, being the youngest, I became the physical, verbal, emotional punching bag.

3:31 But I knew that it had nothing to do with me. So I was dealing with that from an age of eleven to seventeen, and then just at home a lot of abuse and then in school and I just said enough is enough. And so fitness was my step one into personal development. So I had to change that insecure scared timid boy into a man, and fitness was my inlet changing the physique. And then I was inspired to help others. And so with the upbringing of that, we have the support. We had the discipline in the home, but I love you and the love and affection that was non existent. The home was ran like a machine, which I mean it did help, but on the other side, there's things that are lacking. But it all made me who I am. So because I was that insecure child, just getting literally beat up at home and at schooled and bullied. I had to change my physique, which made me calmer. I worked on my faith, and then I really wanted to help elevate other people, and so I did ten years in the US Army and I've been a personal trainer since i was fifteen. I'm thirty four, so I've had a lot of experience working with hundreds of different body types, different modalities. But what inspires me the most is just to help people overcome the past.

4:42 Anyone can follow a nutrition plan or workout plan with the right guidance and discipline, anyone can do that, but can we thrive long term because we're over something that happened from the past, we're not giving up our power. So that's my favorite thing to do, is to see that fulfillment in somebody's eye where their past doesn't find who they are and they say, you know what, that was part of my comeback story, and then they can help serve brothers. But there's a quick synopsis, Yeah. There you go. Well, and you know what I find interesting, Just as a side note, as I have interviewed others, what I find is that it's fascinating how physical fitness can help to alleviate some of those negativity emotions that exists within as subconsciously and actually and literally. By consciously and being mindful of those situations, physical fitness helps to overcome that and displace it to a point where it isn't affectingness anymore. So I'm really excited to talk about that, you know from your experience and how that works. Were there any other than what you've just shared, which I think is just fascinating. Were there any other defining moments where you said to yourself, you know what I'm going to do, what I'm going to do to make a difference in other people's lives or was it just kind of a gradual thing as you finished your service in the army and moved forward.

6:08 It was, honestly a gradual thing. When I was a teenager because of I lived in Germany as a child, and when Europeans moved to America, one of the first things we do we always watch a ton of American high school movies and we wonder, is it really like that? The jock, the bully, the cheerleaders, all the stuff, And we're genue securious, is it like that, or is that's just in the TV shows, in the movies. So we moved to America and one hundred percent it's real. So I was getting pushed into the toilet, I was getting beat up, pushing to the locker, and just I was just it was a culture shock because in Germany I was living on a military base and I was going to German schools as well, and it was all organized and strategic, and came to America and it was just like a lot of energy, so I had to change really quick. And so honestly, it was just I got tired of being bullied by every single person in public and at home, and I got tired of not having control of my environment. So I made a promise and a pact with myself and said, from here on out, nobody else will have power over me. And so I didn't get into fitness to beat up anybody or to be violent, but I just said, I need to elevate myself because I had a lot of fears. I had a stuttering issue. I did not have any public speaking skills.

7:20 I was always nervous. I didn't know who I was. So I had to create the man that I wanted to become. So I made that pact with myself and said, from here on out, nobody's going to have power over me. I'm going to control the situation and not give people the response that they expect. So family, they could expect you to be angry or sad, the bully at school expects you to be aggressive. So I said, you know what, let me just play chess with my words. And I would just play this game in my head to say, don't give them what they expect. Don't give them what they expect. And so I had to start early. But it's because of all the things that were happening. I just got sick and tired of getting beat up all the time. So I just had to stand up for myself. And once I did that, I I started helping people because people asked me, were like, hey, who are you?

8:03 Did you go into it like a hyperbolic chamber. You used to be that shy kid in the class. Now you're in shape, you look like Captain America. You're really calm, you're really confident, you speak well. It like what happened in these two years. And then I told them I was like, you want to learn how? And then I started teaching people. So it was honestly just by time being scared for so long, I just got tired of feeling that way, so I said enough is enough. I made the change for myself, which then motivated me to help change and elevate others. Okay, so let's let's talk about that pain that you experienced. And obviously we all experienced some type of pain, suffering, whatever terminology you want to use. I like the concept of suffering, particularly because I'm here in Thailand, and I love that Buddha talks about that. But yes, but the reality is is that we all have subconsciously in our memory, in our brain that level of pain, fear, suffering that then comes out in the reality of what we experience in life. And you, as you shared with your story just a while ago, that's part of what you experienced as a child. So my question for you is, what did you do? How did you turn that pain suffering into a positive fuel based situation that allowed you then to make decisions, conscious decisions that put you in an

9:38 entirely different modality. Great question. So one of the big things that I did is I legitimately got obsessed with comeback stories, learning people's comeback stories, athletes, designers, artists, parents, just anyone that was crushing it in their field. I loved learning their backstory. How did he become the way he is? Why is she so good at that? Why do they have this quote unquote killer instinct to just dominate their path and overcome any traumas. And so learning all these different stories, I saw many similarities, and I said, I can relate to him because of the upbringing or his relationship with his mother. I can relate to them because this happened in schooling. And I would just see myself and other successful people, and then I would just tell myself on autopilot and my subconscience, this is happening for me. This is part of my comeback story. This is happening for me.

10:32 This is part of my comeback story. So I just ran that narrative in my head. So anything that would happen in life to me or around me, I just said, challenge accepted. Anytime something would happen, I'd literally say it out loud, challenge accepted. This is happening right now, and I feel this way, this is real. The challenge accepted. The only way to it is through it and so I just had that mentality and just kept pushing. But it was because I immersed myself in people's comeback stories, whether those were books, movies, music, and I just really fell in love with that because I would see everyone that's at a high level in life, they have skills and confidence that they earned because they pushed through dark times, traumas, pain and all that. And so that's one huge thing that helped me in my teenage years was just learning these stories. So I was never one to complain. Nobody ever knew anything really that I was going through because I knew ten people that had it way worse. I had both parents, Yes they were drunks, but at least I had both parents, and we lived in a beautiful house in Florida. So I was like, I can't complain.

11:33 We have a swimming pool, I have food and air condition in Florida. Yes, I get my ass beat at night because they're drunk, but I can't much because somebody else has it worse. So I would always just look at perspective, so I would never bash anyone or complain. So learning people's stories helped me a ton because I saw myself and others. Okay, and you know what's fascinating about that is that you know, as I've really studied this interviewed, is so many people that I have had the opportunity to. In my mind, what you're really talking about is what I would term mindfulness and true consciousness to where you are observing those things coming up. You know, whatever situation or event occurs that brings up those emotions. If I'm understanding what you're saying, is you you observe that, you accept that as real, and then you take the steps to do something that is going to move that aside so it does not affect you. Is that a fair accurate description.

12:42 Yes, that is a very accurate description. I would not give the response to the situation that was a normal auto response. I would just zoom out, take a breather, and then assess the situation. Because my younger version would just react. Something would happen to not react, and then after the reaction, then I'd say, okay, let me do it differently. This time I got too angry, or I got too annoyed, or I got too sad and scared, whatever happened back then. But once I made the decision to no longer give the situation or people control over me. In regards to my response, I was always calm, and after a while I noticed people are like, man, you're always so chill. Anytime that there's chaos, it's like, you just get calmer. And I love that because I would just see that I was calm in those situations because I was just used to a lot of yelling and screaming and violence, and anytime that normal life stress would happen, I would thrive in it because I would just be even calm tempered. But I'd always guide people through whatever was happening. So it was almost like things would slow down and I would play this movie in my head.

13:46 I said, Okay, this is happening, let me zoom out at a higher perspective and let me control the room and just stay calm. So it was very interesting. But years later I realized that as a teenager, I was doing shadow work. I was doing deeper her work, and at the time I didn't know what I was doing. I was just playing this game. We're just doing it, yeah, exactly. Oh God. I was like, oh wow, I was studying psychology, and I said, this is what I was doing. It was just phrase differently you know. And it's interesting. I was I was talking to someone the other day and they were explaining how all of that trauma from the early years without handling it I actually started to create some real health issues to their body.

14:29 And ultimately the only way that that was able to heal was to be able to figure out what you're talking about. So, as you work with people from a physical fitness standpoint, and as you observe the people around, what have you found and what have you observed as some of the very common things that happened to people who do not deal with those early emotions what happens to their body. And I know one of them is obe because I've never I've never seen, you know, over my years the tremendous existence of obesity in the United States that we see now. And I struggle with myself.

15:14 You know, I work, I am constantly working at it myself. What is the deal? Great question. So, one of the biggest issues that people have nowadays is their lack of attention span. So they don't have time and control of their attention. And so now in human history, humans have a lower attention span than ever because everything and everyone wants your attention. Facebook ads, YouTube, your uncle, your dogs, your kids, your neighbors, the presidents. Its election season, like just everything, and everyone wants our attention. So on the flip side, the person who has the most control of their attention is going to be the one that makes better decisions. And I know it's very straightforward, but a huge issue is they don't have control of their attention because they're running and living in fight or flights and their cortisol levels, their stress hormone are always so high that they're very reactionary. They live in such a heightened state of fear or survival, fear or survival where there's not really a healthy balance with many Americans.

16:16 So because of that, they just don't know what to do. So food has become the most consumed thing to overshadow, to mask, to escape, to hope, to get the edge off. Yes there's alcohol, Yes there's drugs, but the most prevalent one, the common one, is food. And it's not discussed enough. And you're absolutely right that now obesity is more common in America than it has ever been. But it definitely stems because people they live in fight or flight and their cortisol levels are sky high twenty four to seven, so their stress hormone. So an example, I could give and recommend a nutrition plan that is holistic that would help this individual. But if their microbiome in their is all out of whack, if they consume a healthy meal, their body can't even absorb it because their body for so many years has been running in fight or flight, and their cortisol levels are so high that their gut biome and their mind are affected by it. So what I mean is that gut health is brain health, and brain health is gut health. So if we're eating healthy, but we've been very stressed for years on end, our body at some point can't even absorb all the nutrients.

17:27 So we actually do a cleanse first so that way they can reset, and then once they are eating healthy, their body can start to actually consume what they're eating. And what we do we lower their cortisol level so they can start to be calmer. They notice they're feeling better, they're sleeping better, they're reacting better, and then they look in hindsight and say, wow, I used to be so reactive and I didn't realize that I was living on autopilot, just really jerky and just all over the place, So we just give them that calmness, still this and most importantly the presence. The presence because nowadays people they're either stuck in the past or creating the what if scenarios of the future. What if this happens and then by age thirty five, I need to be married with kids and I need to be a millionaire about forty and then I got to do this and then or person two is just thinking about the past. Nobody understands me, my father did this, this happened, foster care, child home, et cetera, et cetera. So they're either living back here, they're creating the what if of the future. Cortisol levels, higher survival mode, cortisol a hide and they're just like, they don't know what to do. So the job is to reset their microbiome and their stomach, because gut health is brain health. And I think that's the topic that's not discussed enough because people just think, oh, I could eat healthy and just feel better. Sounds great, But if somebody has been living in this high state of fight or flight for five plus years, that meal for a week or a month is not going to make that

18:57 much of a difference. They literally just have to have a total reset and lower their cortisol levels. So big picture is gaining control of our attention again and being mindful that what we're eating actually affects our brain health more than anything. It's not the outside environment as much as we think. It's actually what we're consuming and how and how we respond to things well. And you know, I think you had mentioned drugs, alcohol, and then you know, obviously the food. It's really an addiction, isn't it when you think about it? And you know, as I've studied it a little bit more, what I've learned and recognized is that many times, whether it's drugs, whether it's alcohol, whether it's food, we're trying to cover over some emotions that are affectingness. And as you say, those emotions bring about that fear, that fight or flight, which then raises the cortisol. I love that. And really, as you talk about you know, the future, the past, how many people people are able to actually live in the now. And if I'm understanding what you're saying, that's what we need to learn to do is to live in the here and now and not be affected negatively either about the pastor or the potential of what we worry about in the future.

20:18 Yes, you absolutely ride Doctor Dougs, so that presence. It's so rare for people to be present. If you go to any restaurant right now anywhere in the world, everyone at the table's on the device. The kids, grandma, there's a tablet, there's an iPad, and nobody's actually there speaking to each other. They might speak for one minute and they say, you know, they get fidgety and they have to pull the phone out. We're all, even if we don't want to admit it, we're all addicted to our devices, myself included. We're all addicted. We have a pattern loop. So if we're sitting there and we haven't touched our phone within three minutes, we start getting fidgety and we grab our phone. If we really zoom out of ourselves, we all have a pattern loop. A pattern example could be she opens up email, Amazon, Car, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok.

21:03 That is her little loop. It's just an autopilot. She doesn't know why she does it. She just goes in that order. This guy has a different order. Everybody has a pattern loop that we do on our phone just to like distract ourselves. So our job is to see am I grabbing my phone intentionally? Or am I just grabbing it because I'm bored, because I'm stressed, because I want to mindlessly scroll. Because all these sub and micro decisions are going to help us a ton, because we're not just running an autopilot letting these phones, devices and situations control us. So I always challenge people to say, before you grab your phone, what are you about to do? Are you strategically opening it up to check your notifications, to send the email, to reach out to somebody, or are you just like, ugh, I just feel blad. I've been working for ten minutes, I hit my ten limit, attention span limit, Now need to scroll, and then they just go from there. So it's very common to see that because if you just look in public, somebody will be eating and out of know where, they put their fork down and grab their phone, even though nobody called them.

22:00 Nothing is urgent. It's just such a loop. We can't even be present to have a meal without touching our phone. So I challenge my clients. I asked them, I'm like, I want you to have a couple of meals this week without touching your phone. And at first we're like, I could do that, and then when they catch themselves are like that, that's one of the hardest things, and they realize that they don't even eat a meal without touching their phone. So we look at what you're doing, all right, What are some of the methodologies that people can apply in their lives to really learn to be present? And I would assume that attention to physical fitness and some of the things that you're doing with your training and so forth is certainly one of those. I have a son that is just so focused on physical fitness, and I think it really makes a difference from the standpoint of helping them to be present. Do you talk about other modalities that might be a value also, and if so, what would they be?

22:58 Yes, a great question. So they recommend grounding. Grounding meaning taking care of our inner child, taking off your shoes and socks and just feeling the dirt, the grass, the sand, wherever you live in the world, and just being present in nature and going back to the basics. Leave your phone down if you have kids you have to bring it with you, or a business understandable, but keep it on silent, but really use all five of your senses, and taking your surroundings. When was the last time people have dunked their head under a body of water, just like put it under in a pond, in a lake at the beach and just let the wave hit them and just splash water and just release their inner child and we're just present and then watch the bird fly for one minute. I wonder where it's going. I was going to that tree, a squirrel, a book, like whatever it is. I know this sounds funny, but in general, it's like as a kid and as a teen, we're always so present and involved in the environment, really there, and as an adult we're never present. We're in public and we're sitting there on our phone or thinking about our next go. So a huge thing will be grounding and just really feeling nature wherever you are, but using all five of your senses to take in what you see here, smell, taste, etc. And really just being present and seeing what comes to mind. And after a couple of minutes that person will start laughing and say, Wow, that was the first time I've watched a bird fly in months or years. I've never even noticed that tree, Like, wow, this is actually beautiful view. And I've lived here for

24:28 x amount of years, and we don't really take into account where we live because we're just go go go. Bills, got to go, got to take care of people, and everything is go go go. So I challenge people just to take ten to thirty minutes sit outside, even if it's raining. If it's raining, even better, I mean, don't walk in a thunderstorm, especially in Florida. But going on a walk or just standing in the rain, it's very therapeutic and that person will feel refreshed, so taken in your environment and being more present. That is going to help them a lot. If they can add that into their daily routine for ten to thirty minutes and just doing that, the other thing would be their morning routine. I challenge people to only choose two things, one for the body, one for the mind. The body, they can choose any modality, walking, running, way training, CrossFit pilates, they choose their thing for the mind. If they work on the mind after the workout, it's going to be way more effective. So if you go on a walk or run and afterwards you hydrate, your mind is open, Ideas come to you, names, opportunities, and it's just easy to do anything mental because you've opened up and you've moved the body. Once you go into your prayer, meditation, journaling, visualization, whatever modality somebody chooses, it's going to be way more effective because they move the body first, and so those things are being more present in nature and only choosing two things for their morning routine, one to move the body, one to open the mind. And the whole intent is to be in an empowered state. So the rest of the day that individual they respond better to the world,

26:00 to situations, customers, clients, reviews, whatever they do. But it's just more so having them present and calm so they're in control of the situation. And I know it sounds so straightforward, but people are always looking for the secret nowadays, and no, there has to be something else. There has to be this. It's like, no, lay your phone down, go stand outside and follow a bird for one minute, fuel the water, just thank God or whatever you believe in that you're here, like take in your surroundings. So I just challenge people to go back to the basics. We don't need all these new modalities and stop overcomplicating things. That's just my reminder to people because we all know what to do well. And I love how you focused on the fear and how that creates the higher levels of cortisol, which has all sorts of effects on It's not only from obesity, but other things. So as we focus on that particular aspect of fight or flight fair what it does to our bodies, what are some of the other elements besides the recollection or emotions that have existed subconsciously within our brain.

27:08 What are some of the other things that occur that we need to be able to take control of and make sure that those are not going to also affect that fair response to the point where the corterosoll continues to rise and maintain. Great question. So the concepts of trauma being stored in the body. Trauma is stored in the body. So if we know this, no matter what the trauma was, it could have been a military veteran, somebody that grew up with the crazy family, whatever it was in their past, they just have to know that trauma is stored within the body. Humans are the only mammal that stores trauma in the body. So if animal gets hit by a card, not killed, but if they get hit by something, if they get into a fight with another animal, what they do They just shake it off. They start shaking and then they try to get the trauma and release it.

28:02 So if you watch any mammal, they shake, they do something to release that trauma. Humans, we're the only mambals that actually store it. And once we store it, that human if they never actually fully release it, they mask it. But the drugs, alcohol, sex, unnecessary, dating, apps, unnecessary, sleeping, sleeping and escaping from reality. It doesn't always have to be something extreme and unhealthy. It could be sleeping. Some people they just love their apps because they escape. But by us knowing this, we store trauma. So it is our job to release it so that way we can have controlled again and it doesn't affect our mental health, our physical health. And so being aware of these things, Yes, this thing happened, Yes I stored this. Why am I so stiff all the time? Is it because I work out a desk all day? Is it because I'm so stressed and it started making my posture worse and I'm standing in fear. So if we see that, weld say, okay, when was the last time that somebody got a deep muscle tissue massage, or went hiking or really got outside of their shell to move their body. So if they start to do these modalities of whether it's a massage, whether it's foam rolling, whether it's acupuncture, there's many modalities that are all natural but really to help release those things.

29:14 They'll be surprised. And if they release that stiffness in their shoulder, they might think it was from a workout or where they worked, but deep down, they've been this way for years because life kept happening to them. But they have to flip and say, life is happening for me. So if they release those traumas by elevating the body and realizing that their posture can make their traumas worse and their stress worse by being slumped over, So training that core to be stronger and more erect in your posture, and then on top of that is just knowing that whatever area you're stiff in, you have to train or release that area with a modality a workout, acupuncture, sitting in the sauna, and things of that nature. But when people take these things into their routine, they'll realiz how much control they have and that instead of just holding onto this thing and masking, masking, masking and escaping and running, they face that thing, but then they also have positive outlets.

30:10 So I just like to look at it in that regard as we all as humans, we store trauma, but it is our job to release that with any of these modalities. It could also be faith, but always recommend doing something for the body as well, because if somebody is only working on the mind in their faith and they lack their body, they're not going to fully recover or be an empowered individual. Okay, so those are internal aspects. Let's talk about the external aspects. Let's talk about people around us, things that are said to us, those type of things. What has been your opinion of that year? Expertise on that and your evaluation of.

30:52 That great question. So with our environment, our environment can definitely hold us back, and sometimes we're born into that crazy family. I have no control of that. But after a while, once we're of age eighteen plus and we start making decisions, we have to realize that in the beginning, yes, something might happen to us, but we have to raise our standards. So I would ask people to rate their circle. Is your circle pouring into your cup or do you only pour into them? Does your circle actively listen to you when you're excited talking about your passion. I just close the deal, I just lost five pounds, I just did xyz. Do they respond with a nice positive energy and excitement for you or do they do little side comments cycle well we can all have that easy, Doug.

31:39 Well now, Derek, I mean your dad was army, So what do you I mean, you're just blessed? Oh, must be nice, must be nice. Do they respond like that or with little slick side comments and then on un reverse, are you just as excited for them? And also does your circle actively listen? Do they actually listen to hear you or do they just listen to respond and you see their body language they're just shaking their head ready to just interrupt you. And if you're talking about your passion, do the people in your circle actually listen to you or are they just scrolling their phone? And next you know, you're like, well, that's why I don't tell people about my passion because nobody's listening anyway, there's scrolling. So take into account your circle and your environment, and you have to realize that you have to raise your standards. So if nobody is listening around you, it's just time to accept those things in the beginning. Yes, it might be painful, but some people you have to love from a distance because those people will start to drain you. And your goals, dreams and aspirations were up here and if you're around these lazier, negative people, you'll start to question yourselves and their limitations will be placed onto you. And they were never your limitations. They just started to listen too many opinions.

32:46 So really rate your circle and assess it because they're going to start to pull you back and drain you. But that internal voice on autopilot, that negative voice, usually it's not even our voice, it's something to somebody in our past said to us. So really, and you know it's tough. I mean you think about you know, you grew up in a very toxic family and obviously at some point in your life when you reach the age that you could you just did you disconnect from them completely? Yes? I had to. Okay, And again as you talk about the environment, people who we surround ourselves with, uh, if they continue to pull us down, which can be so devastating in our lives.

33:33 But here's the challenge. How easy, well I know how easy it is. It's not to be able to disconnect, to make a conscious decision to disconnect from those people who you have been used to having around you, because now you're recognizing that they are literally pulling you down, because you've reached that level of consciousness to be able to recognize that. How do you how do you help your clients as you're working with them and as you find that you know what, they're being surrounded by that negative type of situation. How do you help them to get to the point where they have the courage and the strength to literally walk away and to find people and friends and surroundings that are more uplifting and going to help make a difference for them in their lives.

34:23 Great question, So I challenge them to see the pattern. And the pattern could be what does your mom, dad, uncle, boss, or whoever in their circle? What do they say that actually pushes your buttons or triggers you? What is it? So w step one, look at what does somebody actually say where the energy in the room shifts or you feel smaller or less than two? What is your auto response when you hear that thing or when that thing is done to you? Is your auto response aggression? Is it to close in and get really quiet? Is it to run? So what is hidden me verbally or whatever's happening. What is my reaction and then say okay, when this happens, I do that, When she does this, I do this?

35:05 All right? What is a better response? What would my best version of myself? How would he or she respond to say situation? And usually that person is going to say things along the lines of I want to respond calmer, I want to do killer with kindness. I want to be able to make a conscious decision and put my foot down and be intentional. Because sometimes people they'll say I'm fading away from these people, and two weeks later they go back out to lunch with them, and then the cycle starts again and they got sucked in. It's the same thing like people that break up and get back together break up and get back together. They're not intentional and they don't make a conscious decision. They just kind of put their foot in the water. So the goal is are you in for yourself or are you just dabbling? Because if so, that relationship will be even more toxic because they know what to say to pull you back in. And so high level is that anytime that you've surpassed the level of person that they thought you would become. That's when they try to pull you back.

36:01 So it's like the crabs in a barrel or crabs in a bucket mentality. Once you start going up and they see you're about to get out of the barrel or break the generational curses or stop drinking and stop doing XYZ, they don't like that, so they want to pull you back down. So think of that analogy. When you're elevating yourself, you're working on your faith, your finances, your body, your relationships. Anytime that you're elevating, somebody in your circle, usually your family, is going to start to try to hold you back. But you have to identify and say, you know what, instead of me being angry or sad, let me just accept this. They're projecting. They are projecting you surpass the level of person they thought you would become. So they want to hold you back because your success and your progress is shining a light at their missed opportunity, their laziness, their bad habits, etc.

36:49 And that's not your job to fix them. Most people are going to be stuck that way, so they're living that same year over and over, so they really have to zoom out to say, am I going to take advice from somebody that I don't want to end up like? They just have to look at it that way. The person telling you these things, look at their life. Do you want to end up like them? Your mother, your father, your uncle, your professor, And ninety nine percent of the time that person does not have a life that that individual wants, And we really have to ask ourself, well, why am I listening to this? They're just miserable, honestly. So realize that many people are just projecting and projecting. So there's our job to say, you know what, they're going through something internal right now or ten years ago that has nothing to do with me. I have to keep control and I have to just keep going because people depend on you to stay in that empowered state.

37:35 And you literally have to disconnect sometimes. But here's the other element too that I've found, and I think it's interesting, and I think this art of communication and being willing to be very open and transparent is an element that we all just struggle with. But as I was working with a coaching program a while ago, it was really kind of funny. They were talking about how do you deal with these situations where an event occurs from someone that brings up all of these emotions again. And we were talking about how it's so important to be able to communicate and say, hey, Derek, you know what, when you say this, it it brings up I allowed these emotions to come up within me, and I'm working on that.

38:27 But could you help me by being a little bit more cautious and conscious about not doing that? Now? There will be those that just laugh at you, and those are the ones you need to disconnect from. But there will be those. There will be those that also say, you know what, I had no idea, and so I don't know that it's necessarily that we have to disconnect from everyone until we've taken the opportunity to communicate and see if others will rise to our level and give them an opportunity to do that. When I was saying, I was laughing about training because the trainer at the time said, here's one thing you never want to do with your spouse, and it is, honey, what emotions just came up within you when this occurred? And how are you dealing with it? You know, challenging someone to take responsibility for their own emotions and own responses is really tough.

39:22 And yet you know, if we're willing to say, hey, I take responsibility for this, but could you help me? And like I say, I think that those that are really willing to raise themselves up continue to be good friends and a good environment. Whereas if they don't, then you know, this is the time that we need to disconnect from those particular people. Exactly one hundred percent, because the better quality questions we asked them, we might be the wake up call that they needed because they're going through their own things, so their auto response to you might've been like, wow, I never realized I speak like that, I apologize, I thinks, and we get better together as friends in a relationship. And also three questions people can ask their environment or their people. Is a situation is happening, and you ask themselves these three questions. One do you want to talk about it? Two? Do you want me to listen? Three?

40:15 Do you want solutions? Do you want to talk about it? Do you just want me to listen? Or do you want solutions? And the person asking the question, we have to push pride and ego aside with whatever they choose. The person chooses one, two, or three and if they'd say, they just want you to listen, don't say a word, and I want advice right now. I've learned to do that with my kids. I have to tell you, I learned that years ago because I happen to have a very strong personality and it's like, you know, something happens I immediate and the men they're giving my opinion, and all of a sudden I finally realized and learned from other coaches that you know, bottom line is you've got, as you said, you've got to sit back and say, hey, you want me to listen or do you want my opinion? And as I've done that, it has just entirely changed my relationship with my kids to be able to do that and with other people. So, you know, as we get closer to the end, here a couple of questions that I have. Number One, do you strictly and mainly work with people within the surroundings of Florida or do you have a broader reach with what you do and how you help people.

41:26 I have a broader reach, so I work with people in thirteen different countries. So essentially there's two parts of the coaching. One they have access to my private coaching app where they get the workouts, they have their calendar, nutrition, everything is on their fitness is all in the app. Everything mental in regards to life coaching we do via zoom once or twice a week, depending on their goal, and that's where we dive deep into set topics. So the workouts, they open it up, they know exactly what they're doing in the gym or training at home. Nutrition, everything is in there, very straightforward, and that's where we track all analytics. Everything mental we do via one on one conversation and then we track everything that we do mental digitally. So two things. One is the coaching app for fitness, nutrition, and everything mindset related and personal related we do via zoom, and we dive deep into set topics to see exactly what they need, because if they're only working out and eating healthy and not taking care of the psyche, they're not going to win long term.

42:24 That is, the person that loses twenty pounds, gains it again, loses thirty pounds, gains it again. The person that hops from relationship to relationship. They're doing all these things or quitting this job to go somewhere else, so then quit that job. They're going through a pattern, So we have to elevate the psyche and improve their mindset. So that's why I focus on both the body and the mind. And then that person does well and thrives in most areas of their life and they positively affect everyone they come in contact with. So I'm just trying to drop the bark in the pond and create a positive ripple effect. So, Derek, how do they find. You can find me on social media. They can search fit with Derek too, and I have my coaching website is fit with Derek dot Com, and they would see hundreds of males and females their transformations per body and also mind. And when they watch their videos, they will see the light in their eye, their confidence or happiness, what they've overcome. So I just love showing real people with real results. But they could find me a fit with Derek dot com or just search fit with Derek on social media and I'll pop up. And my home sale with social media is a plant seeds. Plant seeds.

43:32 If you use part times every morning, you're gonna see my videos. You gonna be like, ooh, yeah, he was talking to me. I'm not calling you out. I'm just calling you up, because that's what it's about. So I just plant see every day the media. Well, as we close, and as you consider the audience listening to us, what would be the message that you would like to share with them as a final message? Great question. Everything that has happened to you in your past all happen for you, and it is our job to see the light in the darkness. Because when you can heal yourself, you can help heal other people and everything comes full circle. So our job on earth is to say, yes, these things happen to me, but I can make myself better. And once you elevate yourself, you can elevate others and everything comes full circle and you have fulfillment. Your younger child is proud of your current youth, and you become a better person. So I challenge everyone to see what can you do internally and externally to become the man or the woman that you always needed?

44:33 What can you do to become the man or woman that you always needed? And once you become that person, give that person to others. Wonderful. Thank you so much, Derek. I really appreciate your insights and being on the show. Thank you for having me. Doctor Doug and folks, thanks for listening. Hope you really enjoyed it, and reach out to Derek if this rings true for you, because I think that could be of great help. Does Doctor Doug have a wonderful week. We look forward to having a and this again soon. Take care, m HM.