July 28, 2026

Raising Children Who Know Their Own Worth

Raising Children Who Know Their Own Worth
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Author Terry Bean joins Dr. Doug to talk about the children's book Abracadabra and the tender work of helping a child trust themselves, acknowledging a child's feelings instead of rushing to fix them, the difference between guiding a child and living through them, and how a single moment of being truly seen can shape a whole life. A warm, unhurried conversation for anyone hoping to raise a kinder, more grounded child.https://www.terrybeanauthor.com, https://www.theinnermagicclub.com

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WEBVTT

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This program is designed to provide general information with regards

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to the subject matters covered. This information is given with

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the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station

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are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,

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legal counseling, professional service, or any advice.

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You should seek the services.

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Of competent professionals before applying or trying any suggested ideas.

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At the end of the day, it's not about what

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you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what

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you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up,

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who you've made better. It's about what you've given back.

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Denzel Washington, welcome to Inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is

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to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you

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to do the same.

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Kerry, welcome to the show.

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Well, thank you very much. Doctor Doug so great to

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thank you.

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Oh yeah, thank you. So we've had a conversation before

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we got on live, so anyway, we've had some good

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times here. But Harry, what I'd like you to do

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is kind of introduce yourself, share a little bit of

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your background and quite frankly, why are you doing what

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you're doing. What brought you into this focus in your life.

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That's a good question onto itself. It is, it is,

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it really is. So thank you, doctor Doug, and I'm

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really happy to be here with you and with your audience.

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I appreciate it very much. I am Harry Bean and

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I am the author of Abra Cadabra. I. This is

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let's put it this way. This is like a second

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career almost right, because I'm a bit older. You know,

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in sixty three I was born, which will come up

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later on again, I'm now here in this phase of

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my life where I'm taking care of my elderly mom

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who is ninety too, so on top of everything else,

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you know. There we have it, and this book came

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upon me and this whole mission I'm calling it a

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mission because I really believe it is. Aber Kadabra is

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a very very special message and it's come at an

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extremely poignant time in our society right now.

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And the focus is children focus.

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Is honestly, I think it spans the generations, doctor Doug.

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I was absolutely blown away that two and a half

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months ago I had a seventy one year old man

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who wrote me and said, Terry, your book is coming

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at such an important time in my life. I found it.

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I'm dealing with rheumatoid arthritis. Your positive message is exactly

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what I need right now and is exactly what my

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physical therapist and I are talking about, which is mindset. Right.

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So yes, imagine mindset to children.

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It's a story, right, It is a story.

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Absolutely, it's a story. Yeah, it's a story. It's a

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fiction story. Again, it's amazing. So Danny, Danny is my

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child and the story who's running Just imagine she's running

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away from the house where her parents are on the

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front porch arguing, and you can see that, and Danny

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runs down to the lake and all of a sudden,

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she sees her image, and her image starts to talk

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to her or her image is her sage, who's talking

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to her about the power within her to create a

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beautiful life and how to navigate some of her emotions.

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Oh well, that's wonderful. Well look forward to talking about

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that a little bit more. So, what is your own

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personal history growing up and how has that motivated you

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into this type of topic.

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Well, there we go. So this is where nineteen sixty

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three is going to come up. So when I was

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born that year. The term blended was not even a term. Okay,

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a blended family, which is very typical nowadays where you

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are parents coming in and coming with children from different

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marriages and then we have a blended family. On sixty three,

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that wasn't a term, as I said. And my parents

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came in. Dad had two, mom had one. Then when

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they married, they had me. So I was listened to

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this book. I'm an only child, but I'm not. I've

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been through a divorce, but I haven't because I was

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an only child. There a sunshine child, right, So I

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always wanted to be happy. I always wanted to mediate.

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I didn't understand that there was any kind of angs

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going on and all of that, because that's all I wanted.

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And I went through the divorces because there was a

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lot of there was a lot of tumultuous you know,

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just times and just things that would come up about

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all I'd want to do is run into my room

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from the elevator. I'm here in Queens, New York. From

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the elevator, run into my room and just create my

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little box of happy.

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And this is because of the past divorses and still

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the drama.

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That yeah, exactly, so they got so they were going

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through a lot. I mean, I had my sister who

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I was growing up with. She was five years older

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than me. But yeah, and then as and I grew

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into an adult, I went through a lot of I

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was talking to this about this the other day. I

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went through a lot of rebellion because I really thought

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I had it. I knew how to be an adult.

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At the age of eleven, I sat my parents down

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and sang, Billy Joel, this is my life at eleven

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years old, you know. And I just did my thing,

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and I was quite quite independent, and as I went

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through life, I stood pretty strong, even though I was bullied.

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I was terribly bullied in fifth and sixth grade, and

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that had an impact on me. But again I always

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found my my I guess my grounding, you know, my grounding,

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and I always had some kind of self esteem and

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confidence to move through it. Yes, I was looking outside

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a lot for approval, which a lot of kids do,

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and even more so now today we'll talk about that

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a little bit more with social media and everything. Yet,

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as I grew and I moved away, there was still

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a lot of cynicism around me. So about fourteen and

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a half years ago. I wrote Abercadabra, and it was

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that long ago. So what happened is it just was timing.

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People will ask me all the time, why did it

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take so long? It's timing, and a lot of that

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is timing, you know. It's I always knew it would

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be published, I just wasn't sure when. And back in

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November twenty four I put it out on my Facebook

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that I needed an illustrator, and you could imagine what happened.

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I just pounded, pounded right, and I shut it down.

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I shut the whole thing down. It just became too overwhelming.

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Then back in March twenty twenty five, I joined with

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Mind Valley. I'm not sure if you know of Mine

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Valley and Viishan Lakhani and I got into a cohort

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where we were all going for a certification for our

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life and executive coaching. Okay, So when you surround yourself

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by people who are seeing you and seeing what you

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do and hearing what you do, and they're standing for

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your full potential, you're typically going to step into it.

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And that's what happened. That kind of support just catapulted me.

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It was like a big catalyst and I decided to

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go out and I went out to fiver her believe

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it or, and I found myself an extraordinary illustrator, just extraordinary.

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The timing, the synergy, just the collaboration was nothing I've

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ever experienced before. Is beautiful. And I hope that jumps

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off the page.

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Well. And you know, what I find interesting about what

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you just talked about is the importance of surrounding ourselves

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with people who are supportive, who are positive, because in

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today's world, it just amazes me to watch some short reels,

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podcasts so forth, where they're talking and they're really kind

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of trying to destroy something, or you know, they're very

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angry about something, and they just feed on each other.

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And we're seeing that in general, is people keep feeding

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off of each other with the media, with social you know,

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with all of that type of thing. And I don't know,

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I don't really, I don't know that people realize what

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that's doing to them. I have. I've developed this whole

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emotional intelligence project and concept, and what fascinates me is

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is we look at this ladder of emotions and you

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know down there and the anger, the frustration, all of

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that type of thing. What I know through my studies

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and personal experience for years is that as we surround

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ourselves with people who are lower on that emotional scale,

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they remain there. And the only way to move up

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into that level at least of you know, a sense

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of hope, a sense of contentment, and so forth, they've

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got to start surrounding themselves with people who are also

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at that level. So we tend to mimic the people

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with whom we surround ourselves with. And again social media too.

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So the fact that you did that and to see

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then what difference that made in your life, I think

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is so amazing and such an important point for people

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to understand.

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It's extraordinary, it really is, and so much fun, which

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I think is the importance of everything. And you know

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that's the last sign in my book, which is actually

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comes from Esther Hicks. I don't know if you knew

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the teachings of Abraham and Esther Hicks and Esther Hicks

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and her book asking It is given, you may want

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to take a peek at it. She's got the whole

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emotional scale there and she talks about them the emotional scale,

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which is fabulous. And I truly believe that life is

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about perspective at every moment in time, every moment we have,

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we have the ability to shift our perspective. And you know,

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if you have something it's like, you know, when you

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have something that hasn't come into fruition yet and you're

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worrying about it, what is the worry? Howth or it

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doesn't help at all? It just doesn't help, you know.

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So when you shift that perspective again and you either

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distract yourself or you get into nature or whatever it

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is to do to make you feel good, so that

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journey feels good, that's the way to manifest which I

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could talk more about later on as well. But I

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just I love this work, doctor Doug. I've been in

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this personal development work, probably talking a different language since

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I've been eleven years old, singing Philly Jo, this is

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my life.

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Well, you know, I just smile as you're talking about that.

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And I actually have been influenced strongly by the Emotional

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Guidance Scale, by the Ton Scale, by a number of

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different ones which kind of helped me to develop my

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own concept on that. But I've just been asked to

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speak this week, well this Sunday actually on this topic

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Brightness and hope and you know, I think that's so

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important for people realize that, you know, what, hope is

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always there in their lives. And you know, with your

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book and as you're talking about how we can move

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forward in such a positive way, here's my question for you.

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You know, I know that you're focused on the individual

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and how do they develop and so forth, But you

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talked about your own childhood and all the tremendous experiences,

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difficulties and so forth that you had. But what's your

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message to parents? How do parents help? I had a

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conversation with my son just the other day, bless his heart,

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and you know, he was he was expressing to me,

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quite frankly, how much you appreciated his experiences as a child,

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and how he's so how he's so concerned about his

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own children now and how can he be the best

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parent that he can be? And you know that, to me,

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that's such an important topic because I don't know that

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parents realize how important their influence is on their children.

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And you know, we all go through all these tremendous experiences.

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I'm sure your parents are going crazy when you were

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rebellious and doing all that type of stuff, and even

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imagine what what would you say to parents as far

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as helping children to get on that right path for.

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Themselves, really really terrific question, and parents do have it

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a bit more of a challenge I think today than

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ever because of technology and so much is coming at

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their children, but even more importantly at them. You know,

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they're being bombarded. So there's a lot to be said.

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And congratulations, by the way, and your son appreciating you,

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because appreciating each other every day, I think is the

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way families stay together, you know, focusing on what's working,

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not what is not working. Focus on what is working,

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how you stand what your values are and communicate those,

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acknowledge your child for the feelings that they have. When

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Danny runs down to the lake and she sees her image,

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one of the first things that the image says to

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Danny is, Danny, you look sad. Well, it's okay to

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be sad, Danny, right, not just kind of wiping it away,

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or don't cry, or you know, keep happy, or go

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play with your sister or your brother or you know,

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any of these things. Just acknowledging is a big, big

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part for a child, and then asking them, you know,

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how do you want to feel? How do you want

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to feel? And then all of a sudden, that child

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owns feelings right, and they can start to play in

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that way, which is not typical of what we do.

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And one of the things I find fascinating, and again

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I have studied this for years, and this is part

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of what I'm doing with my personal portrait, is that

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you know, we have three different lives that we live.

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We have that innate who we are, but then we

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also have that social personality of who we need to

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be according to society, according to parents, according to religion,

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according to all of that type of thing, and then

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we obviously have who we actually are being right now

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based on those two coming together. And what I find

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so interesting and I experienced this, I mean I came

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from there were six kids in my family, and my

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dad incredible classical voice, teacher, and boy, he was motivated

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to make sure that we all were going to be

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successful and we were going to be professional and all

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of those type of things. And you know, as I

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look back on that was that positive. Absolutely did. It

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also put us into a situation where we are living,

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to some degree his life rather than our own. And

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I think for parents that's so difficult to understand that

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you know what we want, what's best for our child,

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but the only way we can determine that usually is

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by our own perception of what's best for us, rather

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than allowing the child to grow and beginning to understand

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what's going to be best for them them who they are.

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That's exactly right. So when so when I'm when Abergababra

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is read by a six to nine year old, which

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is an extremely important age right where they're just developing

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the sense of who they are and their self. Parents.

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You were saying before, not necessarily that the child steps

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into the parent's life, but the parent steps into the

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child's life. Sometimes a parent is trying to live vicariously

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through their child, right, So it's really important that a parent,

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when you talk about your son, knows who they are, right,

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is leading by example based on what their confidence is.

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Their focus is on their child. But they're also very

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independent of the child, so the child also keeps some independence.

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I'm not talking about separate. That's what I'm talking about,

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because a family is beautiful when it's there's cohesiveness and

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it's a full blown cohort. Like I said before, with

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that appreciation and love for another, it's a beautiful thing

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to see when you see a family who really wants

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to be together. Now, one thing that's not in that

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family all the time is competition. And competition for families

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within brothers and sisters can be healthy or it could

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be really detrimental. And right now, with what's going on

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with uh, we started the conversation here actually, with this

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whole one up system, with the battle, with the bickering,

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this is what's going on. It's like everybody thinks they

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know everything. Why because we all have Google and we're

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all brilliant, right, we all have the answers and I

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have a better answer than you do. And this is

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and it's this battle. I hear it all the time,

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all the time. And if we could just take a breath,

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put our phones down and start listening to each other,

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start connecting with one another. Because AI and everything else

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and what COVID did in terms of people living alone,

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we have a lot of people who are super, super

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lonely right now, you know. And because of the way

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we're set up in society now to be able to

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work from home and everything, I think people are going

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to be in dire need for touch, for physical interaction

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with people literally seeing each other instead of on the

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screen in person very much.

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So well, and you know, you talk about social media.

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I was, I was kind of smiling myself this last

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Sunday at church, and you know, being in Thailand, you

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can imagine there's not you know, most of them are Buddhists,

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but you know, so there's a small number that are

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going to different Christian churches and so forth. And so anyway,

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I'm sitting there and I'm looking around a lot of children,

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and I'd say five or six of those children were

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sitting there on their phones the whole time, not listening

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to anything that was being said. And you know, you

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talked about social media, and hey, I'm guilty of it.

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I'd love to get on and watch a few things

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here and there. But what I find interesting and here's

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what I do when I when I'm on social media

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and someone makes a statement of truth, I go Okay.

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Then I go on to AI and usually i'll you know,

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I'll use Gemini or chat GPT or whomever, and I'll say,

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all right, this statement was made. I want to know

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is it backed up by truth or is it just

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a common opinion? And usually it'll come back and say,

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all right, well, you know absolutely false is just a

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narrative that they're trying to do, or you know there's

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some truth in it. Here's the truth part of it,

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but then here's the other part, or you know it's

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absolutely true.

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Right. So, when we're building the confidence and self reliance

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and children to start making decisions, because then they understand

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the consequences right of doing certain things, and they'll stop

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before and make a decision. Do I want to do

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homework before or after dinner? Should I should I? Should

335
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I play with my brother now or my sister now?

336
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Or should I do my homework first? You know, there

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are all these things that come up in a child's life,

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right that will help them in developing that tool and

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that muscle and their brain to make those decisions that

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they feel good about, because to start having them understand

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that feeling is a big part of that making of

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a decision. I call it our wizard, our wizard inside

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of us, doctor Doug. So you have one, I have one,

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We all have one. It's our inner wizard that we

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can always go to and we could always ask. But

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the first thing we have to do is stop and listen.

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Listen to ourselves, sin to what we really want, what

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we really think, what we really feel, don't react so fast.

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And as you say, you know, when we talk about

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that inner wizard, who is that inner wizard? Is that

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truly an independent inner wizard of who you are? Or

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is that the wizard of someone else? That's place that

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wizard within you? And I think that's so important. So

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one of the things you know, you talk about and

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particularly as you mentioned the older gentleman that got in

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contact with you, so we're not talking just about children.

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But you know, you look at people and we all

358
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experience this. You know, I experienced different things in my life.

359
00:22:09.960 --> 00:22:12.960
We all do, and you know, at times we look

360
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at that and go, wow, why why am I experiencing

361
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this and realizing that to a huge degree, we are

362
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creating our own experiences. I don't like this victimhood of saying, well,

363
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why did God let this happen or whatever he did

364
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this to me or whatever. We experience what we experience

365
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because of who we are and the energy that we

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put out. But how do you help people as you're

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working with them, how do you help them to learn

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that number one, they have the power, but also how

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do they choose their thoughts, their feelings, their path. That

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creates an outcome of truly joy and peace. And we

371
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all go through suffering and all those challenges, but there's

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an a approach that we take that hey, is this

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happening and we understand that versus I'm a victim and

374
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how could this happen to me? How do you help

375
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people to get to that point?

376
00:23:11.319 --> 00:23:14.559
Thank you for the question. There are two things that

377
00:23:14.640 --> 00:23:19.079
come up for me right now. One is one of

378
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the first things I talk about is accountability and responsibility.

379
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So we all have responsibility for our actions, for our words,

380
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for our our reactions, all of that. And when we

381
00:23:36.960 --> 00:23:41.400
hold ourselves accountable for those and we truly take that

382
00:23:41.559 --> 00:23:45.480
to heart, that's when things shift. That's when things should

383
00:23:45.519 --> 00:23:47.759
start to shift. Because if you wake up in the

384
00:23:47.799 --> 00:23:50.799
morning and you decide that morning that you're going to

385
00:23:50.880 --> 00:23:53.880
feel like crap, and you hold on to that or

386
00:23:53.920 --> 00:23:56.640
you you know, you spilled your coffee and now the

387
00:23:56.640 --> 00:23:59.000
whole day is going to be ruined and guess what,

388
00:23:59.440 --> 00:24:02.039
that's exactly what you're going to create. But when you

389
00:24:02.119 --> 00:24:04.759
step up in the morning and, like Wayne Dyer says,

390
00:24:04.799 --> 00:24:07.680
say thank you with both feet as you plant them

391
00:24:07.680 --> 00:24:10.960
on the ground, okay, or on your floor, which is

392
00:24:11.000 --> 00:24:13.960
what I teach children to do and decide on what

393
00:24:14.160 --> 00:24:17.359
affirmations with children do not know what they are. But

394
00:24:17.440 --> 00:24:21.079
this is a great teaching moment with Abracadabra and my

395
00:24:21.240 --> 00:24:24.400
coloring book in terms of what do you want to

396
00:24:24.440 --> 00:24:27.200
say when when you get up in the morning, how

397
00:24:27.240 --> 00:24:31.000
would you like your day to look? How would you

398
00:24:31.240 --> 00:24:35.559
like to intend your day? And when this again is

399
00:24:35.680 --> 00:24:38.640
another muscle you'll have a child like I had the

400
00:24:38.680 --> 00:24:42.160
other day when I was doing a children's reading and uh,

401
00:24:42.880 --> 00:24:44.400
I asked her, how do you like school? I don't

402
00:24:44.440 --> 00:24:46.279
like school. I don't like going to school. And by

403
00:24:46.319 --> 00:24:49.240
the time we were finished with the book, she I

404
00:24:49.319 --> 00:24:51.880
sit there with a whiteboard and the kids write down

405
00:24:51.960 --> 00:24:55.960
some words and phrases and it's not it was not

406
00:24:56.079 --> 00:24:58.960
I am I am happy? She wrote, I am happy

407
00:24:59.000 --> 00:25:03.440
to go to school today. And I said, Okay, that's powerful.

408
00:25:03.640 --> 00:25:09.920
That's really really powerful. When children understand again that they

409
00:25:10.039 --> 00:25:14.400
have the ability to think the thoughts and we do too.

410
00:25:14.559 --> 00:25:17.359
It just will take time as adults a little bit

411
00:25:17.440 --> 00:25:22.559
longer to get there because we've been programming ourselves for

412
00:25:22.599 --> 00:25:27.160
so long in such a way and it's almost comforting,

413
00:25:27.799 --> 00:25:31.960
even though we don't like it and don't love the

414
00:25:32.039 --> 00:25:35.640
life that we're leading. For whatever reason, it's comfortable. I

415
00:25:35.640 --> 00:25:38.240
don't know if you know this stat there is about

416
00:25:38.720 --> 00:25:42.480
a little over eighty five percent of adults that actually

417
00:25:42.799 --> 00:25:45.799
do not like their life and are not happy. That

418
00:25:45.920 --> 00:25:50.160
is massive in the United States. That's a massive number.

419
00:25:50.680 --> 00:25:54.359
It's a massive number. And that's exactly why I'm doing

420
00:25:54.359 --> 00:25:57.480
what I'm doing. I'm on this mission because in my mind,

421
00:25:57.640 --> 00:26:03.160
I feel that when you empower children understand that they

422
00:26:03.359 --> 00:26:07.920
really can create lives that they love, that they will

423
00:26:07.960 --> 00:26:12.640
grow into kinder, more connected adults, not only to themselves

424
00:26:12.720 --> 00:26:15.599
but others around them, which means they'll be happy.

425
00:26:15.839 --> 00:26:19.000
Well, and yeah, I think you've hit on such an

426
00:26:19.000 --> 00:26:22.799
important point. You know, how do we how do we change?

427
00:26:22.839 --> 00:26:26.519
And I think anyone who's really honest with themselves and

428
00:26:26.559 --> 00:26:29.839
really looking at what's going on in society and saying

429
00:26:30.319 --> 00:26:33.799
how can we change this? And you know, it's so

430
00:26:33.960 --> 00:26:36.480
often we focus on, you know, the adults, how do

431
00:26:36.559 --> 00:26:38.839
we change that? Do we change that? But you've hit

432
00:26:38.839 --> 00:26:41.839
the key. It's going to take time, but the only

433
00:26:41.880 --> 00:26:46.759
way to truly change it is to change the situation.

434
00:26:46.920 --> 00:26:50.200
For our children where they start to grow up in

435
00:26:50.240 --> 00:26:55.920
a better situation mentally and understand that they can create

436
00:26:56.000 --> 00:26:58.359
that life of happiness and joy and.

437
00:26:58.359 --> 00:27:01.960
Peace exactly, and it will bring them peace, you know,

438
00:27:02.119 --> 00:27:06.920
because when you're connected with yourself and you're taking on

439
00:27:07.079 --> 00:27:09.759
that responsibility and such, it's not you know, the book

440
00:27:09.799 --> 00:27:13.160
stops here and are you going to be happy or not? There?

441
00:27:13.480 --> 00:27:17.960
When we talk about perception, I talk about with people

442
00:27:18.599 --> 00:27:22.440
perceiving and figuring out the gift, because there's always a

443
00:27:22.440 --> 00:27:26.480
gift in almost everything, good, bad, and indifferent. Figure out

444
00:27:26.519 --> 00:27:30.000
the gift and focus there. That will tell you something

445
00:27:30.440 --> 00:27:32.079
as you're moving through life.

446
00:27:32.319 --> 00:27:34.960
So let's talk about social media, and let's talk about

447
00:27:35.000 --> 00:27:37.720
it for children, and then as we can grow into

448
00:27:37.759 --> 00:27:41.680
adulthood and later on in our lives, what do you

449
00:27:41.759 --> 00:27:43.319
see happening with social.

450
00:27:43.319 --> 00:27:50.319
Well, unfortunately, right now it's that full one up and goodness,

451
00:27:50.359 --> 00:27:53.519
this life looks so great. I can't believe that person's

452
00:27:53.559 --> 00:27:56.880
living that life. And now all of a sudden you're

453
00:27:56.920 --> 00:28:01.880
feeling competitive and need to some how fix your life.

454
00:28:03.079 --> 00:28:04.920
My life. I have to fix my life because I

455
00:28:05.000 --> 00:28:07.960
just saw some someone do whatever I wanted to do,

456
00:28:08.079 --> 00:28:11.599
and I haven't done it. Yet So what's happening because

457
00:28:11.599 --> 00:28:14.720
of that, unfortunately, is a lot of people are trying

458
00:28:14.759 --> 00:28:18.119
to create their lives from what from lack right, I

459
00:28:18.160 --> 00:28:20.119
don't have it, I want it. I don't have it,

460
00:28:20.160 --> 00:28:22.319
I want it, I need it. Right. So there's a

461
00:28:22.559 --> 00:28:26.079
very big difference in energy and vibration when it comes

462
00:28:26.160 --> 00:28:32.480
to desire versus yearning. And you feel the difference between

463
00:28:32.519 --> 00:28:36.480
desire and yearning. It's massive, it's big, but a lot

464
00:28:36.480 --> 00:28:40.160
of people it's so it's such a fine line, but

465
00:28:40.200 --> 00:28:45.240
it's a really big shift in energy. And I think

466
00:28:45.759 --> 00:28:48.839
so many kids now are looking for those thumbs up

467
00:28:48.880 --> 00:28:51.960
and the accolades that are coming from outside of themselves.

468
00:28:52.240 --> 00:28:57.359
Everything's coming from outside of themselves. And once again we

469
00:28:57.839 --> 00:29:02.960
empower them to understand. And parents have a huge part

470
00:29:03.000 --> 00:29:07.640
in this of what they think about different things, you know,

471
00:29:07.920 --> 00:29:12.480
and then acknowledge them, acknowledge them. I've seen too many families,

472
00:29:12.599 --> 00:29:14.839
many of them put you know, put the kids down

473
00:29:15.319 --> 00:29:19.039
for what they think or it's not good enough. You know.

474
00:29:19.160 --> 00:29:21.240
That is the underline. I'm not sure if you know this.

475
00:29:21.359 --> 00:29:27.079
That is the underlying cause of so much anxiety in

476
00:29:27.119 --> 00:29:31.119
this world. Is one thing that people are walking around

477
00:29:31.240 --> 00:29:33.759
thinking that they are not good enough and.

478
00:29:33.640 --> 00:29:37.359
They have been told that, which is interesting because and again,

479
00:29:37.839 --> 00:29:42.319
you know, parents have so much to deal with and

480
00:29:43.279 --> 00:29:45.920
one of the things that I find so interesting. And

481
00:29:46.160 --> 00:29:48.200
you know, my kids and I talk about this all

482
00:29:48.240 --> 00:29:50.759
the time, and you know, you talk about the negative part.

483
00:29:50.920 --> 00:29:53.200
Fortunately we're at the point where we laugh about those

484
00:29:53.240 --> 00:29:59.440
negative parenting situations, but after But but the point is

485
00:29:59.440 --> 00:30:03.200
is that you know, my dad may say to me

486
00:30:03.920 --> 00:30:07.960
X Y and Z and my perception as a child

487
00:30:08.559 --> 00:30:12.599
may be A, B and C, And all of a sudden,

488
00:30:13.160 --> 00:30:15.319
I'm thinking that he is telling me that I'm not

489
00:30:15.400 --> 00:30:20.799
good enough, when in reality, that's nothing that he said. Now,

490
00:30:20.920 --> 00:30:23.119
there are those parents that are actually to the point

491
00:30:23.240 --> 00:30:26.599
where on that you know, emotional scale, that yeah, you're

492
00:30:26.680 --> 00:30:30.039
just not good enough. But I think it's important for

493
00:30:30.119 --> 00:30:33.559
us to understand, not only as parents, but in general,

494
00:30:33.680 --> 00:30:36.680
in our communication with people around us and with family

495
00:30:36.720 --> 00:30:40.599
and friends and so forth. Oftentimes we will we will

496
00:30:40.640 --> 00:30:45.319
make a comment with a specific intent of understanding what

497
00:30:45.359 --> 00:30:49.599
we're saying, and the person that's hearing that comment may

498
00:30:49.640 --> 00:30:52.359
take it in an entirely different way based on their

499
00:30:52.400 --> 00:30:57.079
own personal, subconscious beliefs and experiences and so forth, And

500
00:30:58.039 --> 00:31:02.680
I think the important of being able to stop, and

501
00:31:02.720 --> 00:31:05.519
this gets into the communication part of it, to be

502
00:31:05.599 --> 00:31:08.400
able to stop and say, Okay, is this what you

503
00:31:08.480 --> 00:31:11.400
were saying? No, no, no, let me explain this is

504
00:31:11.400 --> 00:31:15.039
what I'm saying. Oh, okay, now I understand. To be

505
00:31:15.079 --> 00:31:18.559
able to get into that communication as adults can be done.

506
00:31:18.599 --> 00:31:21.160
Not that everyone does it, but now you get into

507
00:31:21.200 --> 00:31:24.559
the children and parents and how important it is for

508
00:31:24.640 --> 00:31:28.079
a parent to be able to communicate in a way

509
00:31:28.759 --> 00:31:32.720
that really helps them to understand what the child is

510
00:31:32.799 --> 00:31:38.240
hearing and experiences and allowing, as you say, the child

511
00:31:38.599 --> 00:31:44.319
ultimately to become who they truly are, that wizard within them,

512
00:31:44.960 --> 00:31:47.319
rather than keep trying to tell them who they need

513
00:31:47.359 --> 00:31:48.720
to be exactly.

514
00:31:48.839 --> 00:31:54.480
And I love that because for the parent to give

515
00:31:54.519 --> 00:31:58.640
that kind of acknowledgment to a child is actually treating

516
00:31:58.680 --> 00:32:02.880
them with respect, right, And when a child feels respected,

517
00:32:03.480 --> 00:32:10.480
it really boosts their self esteem tremendously, tremendously instead of

518
00:32:10.960 --> 00:32:14.079
you know, putting them down or you know, putting them

519
00:32:14.079 --> 00:32:17.720
against the brother and sister or whatever whatever. This because

520
00:32:17.759 --> 00:32:21.599
sometimes we do that. I think and thinking that maybe

521
00:32:22.279 --> 00:32:27.519
maybe my child will learn, maybe my my my child

522
00:32:27.759 --> 00:32:32.799
will will raise its sense of motivation and all of

523
00:32:32.839 --> 00:32:36.799
that not necessarily true. You want a child to be

524
00:32:36.920 --> 00:32:41.200
self motivated. Let's try, and you know, teach your children

525
00:32:41.640 --> 00:32:47.880
that they can really depend on themselves right, and to

526
00:32:48.039 --> 00:32:52.920
be self reliant, and the confidence will build and that

527
00:32:53.000 --> 00:32:56.240
will step into some beautiful adults. And I'll tell you

528
00:32:56.359 --> 00:32:59.440
and I may not be here for when that occurs,

529
00:32:59.559 --> 00:33:02.319
you know, when the world really shifts. But I have

530
00:33:02.400 --> 00:33:06.559
this vision with Abercadabra which is really interesting. And I

531
00:33:06.599 --> 00:33:10.119
said to you earlier during our little conversation earlier that

532
00:33:10.640 --> 00:33:13.000
you know, books really are not the thing. It's a

533
00:33:13.039 --> 00:33:17.319
tool and such. But I see Abercadabra as being such

534
00:33:17.359 --> 00:33:22.640
a huge turning point for a child and their parents

535
00:33:22.640 --> 00:33:25.599
in terms of their dynamic. I have a beautiful a

536
00:33:25.680 --> 00:33:32.400
companion for teachers and parents when they're reading Abercadabra. So

537
00:33:32.759 --> 00:33:36.759
I feel like I see a child who's now thirty

538
00:33:36.839 --> 00:33:39.960
years old, knocking on their parents' story, you know, wanting

539
00:33:40.000 --> 00:33:43.720
to get upstairs to the attic or downstairs to the

540
00:33:43.759 --> 00:33:47.960
basement because all their crap is still there, and they go,

541
00:33:48.119 --> 00:33:51.680
where is that book Abercadabra? You know, I need to

542
00:33:51.759 --> 00:33:57.519
find that book Abercadabra. And that's what I that's my vision,

543
00:33:57.720 --> 00:33:59.519
because I don't know that I'll be here to see

544
00:33:59.720 --> 00:34:02.079
that the total shift, but I will see if it,

545
00:34:02.519 --> 00:34:04.640
see it one by one, just like I saw it

546
00:34:04.680 --> 00:34:07.200
in that little girl who wrote on that board, because

547
00:34:07.200 --> 00:34:10.039
that was extremely special, really was.

548
00:34:10.519 --> 00:34:12.880
You know, the reality is and you know, I think

549
00:34:12.920 --> 00:34:15.639
about this a lot, and I think for everyone that

550
00:34:15.920 --> 00:34:19.880
is really honestly trying to make a difference in the

551
00:34:19.920 --> 00:34:23.840
world and in people's lives, to realize that it's not

552
00:34:23.960 --> 00:34:26.719
about the hundreds of thousands. It's not about the thousands.

553
00:34:26.760 --> 00:34:29.960
It's not about the hundreds, it's about the one. And

554
00:34:30.039 --> 00:34:33.599
if you can make the difference in one life over time,

555
00:34:34.199 --> 00:34:37.400
that's going to com pound to the point where it'll

556
00:34:37.440 --> 00:34:38.280
just be amazing.

557
00:34:38.559 --> 00:34:38.760
You know.

558
00:34:38.800 --> 00:34:40.960
One of the things you talked about and you know,

559
00:34:41.039 --> 00:34:43.039
how we want this and how we want that, and

560
00:34:43.159 --> 00:34:47.639
you had mentioned the word mindset early on, and you know,

561
00:34:47.760 --> 00:34:51.639
I think about the ego and and how how much

562
00:34:52.400 --> 00:34:57.559
we are affected by ego, and we want to feel important.

563
00:34:57.599 --> 00:34:59.760
Therefore we want the car, we want the house, we

564
00:34:59.760 --> 00:35:04.719
want this, we want to feel like okay, and mindset

565
00:35:05.000 --> 00:35:07.599
is such an important aspect of that. And so for

566
00:35:07.719 --> 00:35:09.679
just a few minutes, I want you to talk a

567
00:35:09.719 --> 00:35:15.119
little bit about your perception of mindset and why mindset

568
00:35:15.159 --> 00:35:17.840
that's just a word, What does that mean and why

569
00:35:17.960 --> 00:35:20.719
is it important if it's handled in the correct way.

570
00:35:21.159 --> 00:35:24.239
Well, you brought up something because you brought up ego, right,

571
00:35:24.320 --> 00:35:28.239
So I think when we're taking we're taking a look

572
00:35:28.599 --> 00:35:33.199
at ego and mindset. You have to see when you're

573
00:35:33.320 --> 00:35:36.880
you have a task at hand, or you want something,

574
00:35:37.440 --> 00:35:41.039
where is it stemming from? What's the meaning that you're

575
00:35:41.039 --> 00:35:44.719
putting behind it? Because there's meaning to everything, and then

576
00:35:44.719 --> 00:35:48.719
there's meaning to nothing at all. Right, because everything, the

577
00:35:48.760 --> 00:35:53.519
only everything has whatever meaning you're going to put on it,

578
00:35:53.840 --> 00:35:57.559
period end of it. My meaning may be be different

579
00:35:57.599 --> 00:36:01.239
than your meaning, but does the meaning actually feel good?

580
00:36:01.679 --> 00:36:04.920
That's where mindset kicks in. Mindset kicks in when you

581
00:36:05.159 --> 00:36:12.400
know that you have abilities to shift how you're thinking

582
00:36:12.440 --> 00:36:16.760
about something and that thought is going to make you

583
00:36:17.079 --> 00:36:20.639
feel also a different way, and then that feeling and

584
00:36:20.800 --> 00:36:25.960
thought is aligned and you feel super aligned at that

585
00:36:26.159 --> 00:36:30.000
point in life. That's where mindset is well.

586
00:36:29.840 --> 00:36:32.000
And yeah, and I think that's how important. One of

587
00:36:32.079 --> 00:36:34.920
the things that comes up often in the podcast is

588
00:36:35.480 --> 00:36:40.039
how as those negative emotions come up, something triggers us,

589
00:36:40.119 --> 00:36:44.159
and that comes up, and now you have the mindset

590
00:36:44.360 --> 00:36:47.360
of either I don't want that, I'm going to fight

591
00:36:47.400 --> 00:36:49.679
against that. And I use this phrase a lot. You

592
00:36:49.679 --> 00:36:54.719
know that which we resist persists absolutely, you know, versus

593
00:36:54.960 --> 00:36:59.400
with the mindset of, oh, okay, that has just come up.

594
00:37:00.079 --> 00:37:02.079
To look at that a little bit further and then

595
00:37:02.199 --> 00:37:07.000
just move forward. And then ultimately, maybe through meditation, maybe

596
00:37:07.039 --> 00:37:10.719
through just contemplation, whatever it is, that you go back

597
00:37:10.760 --> 00:37:13.800
and go, Okay, why am I getting triggered by this?

598
00:37:13.920 --> 00:37:17.239
What is the emotion that's coming up? And why? And

599
00:37:17.840 --> 00:37:21.039
when we do that, all of a sudden, we start

600
00:37:21.079 --> 00:37:23.800
to realize that, you know what, it's okay, we don't

601
00:37:23.800 --> 00:37:26.280
have to fight against that. But as we continue to

602
00:37:26.440 --> 00:37:28.960
just kind of and I just put out a pin

603
00:37:29.039 --> 00:37:31.199
on this, if we just kind of walk with it

604
00:37:31.599 --> 00:37:36.679
and realize that, okay, ultimately that trigger and that whole

605
00:37:37.280 --> 00:37:41.599
belief system subconsciously starts to minimize. It doesn't go away,

606
00:37:41.960 --> 00:37:45.320
but it's no longer has the power to affect you

607
00:37:45.880 --> 00:37:47.760
the way that sometimes it does.

608
00:37:48.119 --> 00:37:53.159
You know, when we're in different different places in our

609
00:37:53.199 --> 00:37:58.719
life and we have a conflict, right when we take

610
00:37:58.760 --> 00:38:01.480
a look at that conflict where you are going to

611
00:38:01.639 --> 00:38:06.280
be in blame or victimhood or any of these other

612
00:38:06.400 --> 00:38:10.559
emotional responses that are negative. What we're actually doing is

613
00:38:10.639 --> 00:38:14.719
giving our power away, completely giving our power away. So

614
00:38:14.800 --> 00:38:18.480
if we're talking ego the power away and we want

615
00:38:18.519 --> 00:38:21.239
to say, hey, I want to take that back, that's

616
00:38:21.280 --> 00:38:24.880
taking the responsibility that we need to. Then take that

617
00:38:25.000 --> 00:38:29.760
certain situation right, mold it and decide what the gift

618
00:38:29.880 --> 00:38:33.559
is and look at it in a completely different way.

619
00:38:34.079 --> 00:38:36.480
We have the ability to do that with everything in

620
00:38:36.519 --> 00:38:39.320
our life. After you're talking about everything in our life.

621
00:38:39.400 --> 00:38:41.719
It's amazing, it's amazing. We really do.

622
00:38:42.239 --> 00:38:44.199
As we're coming to a close, I normally ask you

623
00:38:44.239 --> 00:38:51.840
to share a special thought, but you just did, so.

624
00:38:50.119 --> 00:38:51.000
Typically do that.

625
00:38:52.320 --> 00:38:55.599
So how do people find your book? What's the website

626
00:38:55.639 --> 00:38:56.440
you want to promote? Right?

627
00:38:56.559 --> 00:39:00.360
Yes, oh my goodness, well I'm going to give you too,

628
00:39:00.559 --> 00:39:04.719
but that's okay. Www. Dot Terry with A Y T

629
00:39:04.840 --> 00:39:09.599
E R or Y being author Terry Bean B E

630
00:39:09.719 --> 00:39:13.239
A N author dot com is where you'll find both

631
00:39:13.280 --> 00:39:15.800
of my books. The website that's going to be coming

632
00:39:15.800 --> 00:39:20.320
out that's extremely exciting to me is uh the Inner

633
00:39:20.480 --> 00:39:24.360
Magic Club dot com that is going to be absolutely

634
00:39:24.360 --> 00:39:26.840
stupendous and when it comes out, I will get it

635
00:39:26.880 --> 00:39:28.719
to you. You'll get it to your people. You can

636
00:39:28.840 --> 00:39:32.039
go online now you can see the landing page and

637
00:39:32.159 --> 00:39:34.960
kind of the portals that are going to be created.

638
00:39:35.000 --> 00:39:38.599
And it's going to be something absolutely tremendous for kids,

639
00:39:38.639 --> 00:39:44.400
for parents, for teachers, everybody. Yeah. Oh, very exciting, very

640
00:39:45.039 --> 00:39:48.280
Thank you so much, thank you, thank you, doctor Doug.

641
00:39:48.400 --> 00:39:49.760
Truly a great conversation.

642
00:39:50.119 --> 00:39:54.440
I appreciate it, and I hope this has made a

643
00:39:54.480 --> 00:39:58.440
difference for you. I hope that there's some things that

644
00:39:58.480 --> 00:40:02.239
have been said today that my just change your thought

645
00:40:02.360 --> 00:40:04.920
process a bit where you can start to do that

646
00:40:05.000 --> 00:40:08.920
introspective work and realize that you know what you can

647
00:40:09.119 --> 00:40:12.000
create the life that not only you want, but that

648
00:40:12.079 --> 00:40:15.559
you deserve. So anyway, this is doctor Doug saying, thank

649
00:40:15.599 --> 00:40:18.440
you so much, have a wonderful week. Look forward to

650
00:40:18.480 --> 00:40:21.000
having you join us again soon. Now I'm mistake

651
00:40:22.599 --> 00:40:22.639
You