Chemistry Is Not Compatibility

0:01 We'll be right back. I have spent years in conversation with people who are successful by every measure and still quietly restless, not broken, not lost, just aware somewhere underneath the noise that there is a version of their life that feels more honest, more grounded, more genuinely theirs. This podcast exists for those people, for the ones who are done performing and ready to go deeper. My name is Dr. Doug.

0:55 Welcome to Inspire Vision. I am glad you are here. Jenna, welcome. Oh, thank you so much for having me, Dr. Doug. I'm very excited to be here. I'm glad we were able to connect. So you're on the East Coast, right? Yes, I'm on the East Coast in Connecticut. Perfect. All right. Well, listen, what I'd love for you to do is kind of share with the audience your background, who you are, and then we'll go from there. Okay. I'm Jenna Jake, and I'm a licensed therapist and certified executive coach. But I focus on doing compatibility strategy, which means I help women ages 35 to 65 stop repeating the same patterns in their relationship.

1:39 So you're mainly working with women then? Mostly with women. I wouldn't say that I don't work with men, but most of my clients are women that keep falling in love with the same person and they want to change their patterns and redefine their chemistry. So was there a journey that brought you to this point in time? There was actually, really my entire past. So I was a marital therapist when I was working in therapy. And then I left that to go work with the ex-husband. We were doing executive coaching with physicians. And then I got advanced certified in a personality assessment that I use with my clients now to help them figure out what their patterns are, what their values are. and their tendencies.

2:25 So I can predict behavior and I can help them realize what their patterns are and who the most aligned partner will be based on their personality. And what personality test are you using? Hogan. Okay. All right, good. Yeah, I use a different one, but I'm very much into that too. So this will be kind of fun. So what do you find seems to be the biggest challenge for women? And And it's not only women. We all make the same mistake. I'm guilty of that too. So why do we keep choosing the same people over and over again in those relationships? Because that's what we are programmed to do. We are programmed to be who we are. And if we weren't us, we'd be somebody else. And we'd be programmed to be that.

3:13 People take what they felt was love when they were small and whatever that sort of vibration-y feel was, that subconscious feeling, it recognizes itself subconsciously in somebody else and they call it chemistry. But it's just familiarity. So is it true then kind of that, you know, the men are marrying their mother and the women are marrying their father to a certain degree because that's what they've learned? I mean, me personally, I feel like I married both of my parents on some level, maybe more my mother than my father. because I think I was closer to her. So I recognize that more as love. But absolutely, we marry our parents. I mean, Harville Hendricks wrote a whole book on it called Getting the Love You Want. But where I disagree with Harville is that he puts it on the partner to help heal. But I think people need to heal themselves and then choose somebody healthier.

4:07 Well, and as you talk, and I love that concept, by the way, I think, you know, as I've interviewed different people, one of the main things that I think that has come out is the fact that we have to heal ourselves. And so many times, even in relationships that are struggling, if the individual heals themselves, ultimately, or at least possibly, the partner begins to heal also. And I don't know if that's been your experience. It may not be. But that has been the experience that I've seen occasionally. So What is it? I mean, you talk about, you know, we've learned as a child, but what are those imprints and how on earth do we heal ourselves, number one? And I don't know if you want to answer that question first. I have the one about compatibility over, you know, chemistry.

4:57 Let me answer that one first. So basically, I have a system ABA, which means awareness is the first A. So it's important to know you're familiar. What are your patterns? What's your attachment style? How do you show up in a relationship? What is the self-talk that is going on? Because you can't heal or change what you're not aware of. So that's the first thing. I'm very aware of our pattern and how we had to show up to feel love when we were little. It's very important to know that. And then there's B for boundaries. And people have a lot of trouble with boundaries, but I've discovered that you have to love yourself enough to put a boundary and hold a boundary. So it's really a gift that you give to yourself and other people. But women especially have a lot of trouble with boundaries. They worry about everyone else's feelings more than their own and we're used to putting ourselves on the shelf. So if you can know your patterns and put the boundary, most things that you'll accept will be aligned with because you're going to be negating everything else.

5:54 Okay, so you've got awareness, boundaries, and then what's the final one? Alignment. You have to be really committed to your alignment. And that's not just in picking a partner. It's going to become how you live your life, and you're going to get better at discernment. And you're going to say no quicker and move on quicker and not get hung up in this drama. So how do you help people? I mean, obviously, if they've contacted you, they're aware that they have a problem. But whether or not they're aware that a lot of that problem has to do with that inner imprint and subconscious situation. How do you help people, these women, how do you help them to realize that, hey, you know what?

6:37 I need to fix myself first before I can do anything else. Because sometimes I think that's really difficult for people to accept the fact that it's their responsibility initially to fix themselves. It's not easy, but We focus on the person that they want to become. So after we do the assessment, they know all their blind spots. And then they think it's very concrete. So then we can say, well, who do you want to be? And how far is where you are from where you want to be? And what is the steps that you need to work on that? That's the bulk of them. Even though I am able to create an avatar of the perfect, not perfect, aligned person for them within their personality. I could do a Hogan on a supposed compatible partner. So they know what they're, they're not guessing. They're able to measure that against the world.

7:26 They could always give them. Yeah. And with the personality tests, at least with yours, without going into real depth, is, is it got the right brain, left brain, extrovert, introvert, or how, how does that one work for you? It measures the values and then the usual tendencies, how they're likely to behave and the stress tendencies, when they get stressed and fatigued, how they're likely to behave. A lot of it is strengths that get overused. So if you're skeptical, that's a great skill, but sometimes you can be too skeptical and then miss an opportunity and get in your own way. So that's what Hogan is really good at measuring. Okay. And so when you talk about compatibility versus chemistry, and again, what you're suggesting is initially that chemistry has to do with what we learned as children. Is that basically it? Yes.

8:14 Chemistry is going to dictate what you're attracted to. And I think your attachment style and how you're used to showing up in a relationship is take it from there. And if it's not a healthy pattern, then you're going to have an issue. So are there some consistent patterns that you have observed in individuals that would help people to be a little bit more aware? Sure. Like I'll talk about how I used to be. I used to be a people pleaser. set myself on fire to keep everyone warm. There was a lot of no boundaries, no boundaries at all, because I didn't have the self-esteem to think, okay, I could do this. I could be on my own. You know, I didn't want anybody to leave. So I shrunk myself and compromised myself to the point that I set myself on fire. Like I went to ashes. And that's not being a team player, that's cremation. So that's a lot of my clients with that.

9:07 Well, and so... How do you help your clients? I mean, it's one thing to do the personality evaluation or the assessment, you know, and yeah, I really believe in that. So don't misunderstand there. But beyond that, then helping them to actually incorporate those concepts into their lives to the point where they're no longer just dealing on attraction, but they're also looking at compatibility. How do you help them to do that? We do a lot of work of practicing. We are very specific about the goals that we want. And then we create a map, if you will, of this is the person that I want to become. And what are the thoughts that I'm having versus what's the self-talk she's having?

9:54 How is she showing up in this current relationship? What boundaries is she now? What are her not It's a matter of rewiring your brain and just practicing that until that becomes familiar. How often are you able to take a couple that's struggling and actually help them to repair by going through this process of The one that I do is a little bit different, okay? And I don't work with couples per se. But the one that I have used for different reasons really goes into the communication style. It goes into all of those different types of things and the values and motivators and so forth. But are you able to help couples that are struggling to actually put it back together? Or has it been your experience that once they've made that mistake, That's a mistake that just has to be rendered and solved? Or are you able to put it back together?

10:48 You know, there is a lot of hope. And I like to use the assessment because people are looking at their partner through their own lens, their own trauma. And they're not looking at their partner for how their partner seems out. So I'll give you an example. I happen to be very what the Hogan calls low adjust. I'm very neurotic on a scale of zero to 100. I'm three, you know. I'm about as neurotic as can be. But now if I was married to somebody who's 85, 90, they would think I was hysterical. And I would think that they were just blowing me off because I would say, you won't believe what happened to Mary and Lucy. And he might say, oh, they're just having a bad day.

11:28 Hysterical because he's wired to be calm. But I may read him as aloof. And now when I do the assessment and I work with couples, I can show them that no, no, no, you're thinking about how he operates through your lens. He really does care. He's just wired to not worry about this, which is different than putting somebody. And how much do you get into communication and how someone would choose to be communicated with? I'm sure it gets into that too. Yes, 100%. I mean, one of my non-negotiables now is to be with someone who says things nicely, which was not my experience in the past. And that's really important to me. And I learned that from doing all of this work. So when someone is a straight shooter and they just say things and they don't mean to hurt people's feelings, they just think they're being honest and they don't realize how gruff they are. So depending on where people lie in that is the conversations that we have.

12:26 And it helps to know that they're not trying to hurt people's feelings, that this is just how they show up. And they can be more mindful that the way they say things needs improvement. Well, and so when you're doing that, it seems to me that there's some issues on both parts, okay? And one issue is, all right, I need to really look at myself. I need to understand what those triggers are within me and understand that when my partner does something or says something and I get triggered that, you know what, that's my problem. Initially, that's my problem. Now, there has to do with some communication too later on. But so how do you help people to, first of all, accept the responsibility that they are responsible initially for what's going on in a relationship? And it almost sounds like And I want to ask the question, but we'll get to it again because it's on my mind. But, you know, it sounds like you almost are going to have just such a minimum amount of people that are going to be eligible for someone versus being able to find someone where there's a good degree of compatibility. Obviously, there's still going to be issues. And then being able to work with them where that communication is understood. For instance, I happen to be, as you probably already picked up, I'm very direct. And my kids will tell you that. And, you know, I've had some incredible discussions with my kids about this, and they understand that I'm direct. And yet

14:00 a couple of my kids are very direct, and a couple of them are very much, you know, left-brained, like you're talking about, want to be spoken with kindly and so forth. And we have a fun time recognizing that I have to take responsibility for recognizing that this is how they want to be communicated with. So I need to be able to say, all right, Doug, stop being so direct and be a little bit more kind in your communication. At the same time, if I don't do that for some reason and they get a communication that they feel is direct, they can look at me and smile and say, all right, dad, you're just being dad. So calm down a little bit because that's not how I like to hear things. And with that type of relationship, which I happen to have with my kids, We have managed to get to the point where our communication is really very good and our relationships are very good. What are your thoughts on that?

14:54 I 100% agree. Wayne Dyer used to say, when you squeeze an orange, you get orange juice. No matter when you squeeze the orange, who squeezes the orange, because that's what's inside the orange. It's a helpful thing to remember that those reactions have everything with them and really nothing to do with you. And you're responsible for your own experience. I mean, if you, and you know, don't take anything personally, that's what they say, right? So I agree with you a hundred percent. And that is one of the tenants that we discuss a lot is that you're responsible for your own happiness, your own experience, your own responses and reaction, and it has nothing to do with the other person. So really the idea of being compatible is when you love yourself enough, you're compatible sort of with everybody, but you don't want to date with everybody you want you know healthy people want to be with healthy people so you're only going to date be attracted to someone as healthy as you.

15:44 Are well so in your in your work and in your experience how many how many clients have come to you in relationships that are struggling what would be the percentage that you've been able to help them correct those relationships to be where not only were they initially you know interested chemistry wise but obviously that goes away after a few years but also that they begin to develop a greater, higher level of compatibility. What would you say repairing relationships versus ultimately having them leave a relationship would be with your experience? I think most of them improve their relationship and they make a market dent in their relationship for the better, for the more positive, because they have a deeper understanding and they're ready to to have some movement and change because it only takes one person in a relationship to change for the relationship to be completely different. So I would say, luckily, I've had good experience with people with this.

16:47 Okay, and I wanted to bring that out because as people are listening, so far we haven't really talked about hope, but the reality is there's a tremendous amount of hope in getting help from you and from others that have that same capability that you have. to understand that they can in fact repair those relationships. And so there is hope with that. And I know that you have a blueprint, you know, that you use. I'd love for you to share a little bit about what that is. If I'm doing it for couples, they both take the assessment and then we look at, okay, this is where your strengths are in your relationship. This is where you're vibing. This is where you might be banging heads. And here's why, you know, One person's super skeptical, the other person's not skeptical, and they might fight about, well, why did you trust them?

17:38 Why would you do that? Because they're both coming from their patterns. And when people can stop and look and say, okay, let's not just go on autopilot and be very intentional about our relationship and having love and respect be the thing that guides us, those conversations can be different and the feelings around it might be the same, but the The vibration of the conversation, the lovingness enters. It's different. It's a different type of communication, and that is very helpful. Okay, so that has to do with communication. And what else is there besides the communication? Well, when John Gottman... Did a lot of research, you may know. And he's got the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Stonewalling, defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism. Wait, complaining, criticism. No, no, no, not complaining. Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. So basically, it's about the overall positive sentiment of the relationship. And that's what takes the relationships down when overall you don't care for them anymore. So this helps with that a lot because people have a deeper understanding of their partner. and the partners are able to show up as they really are and feel seen, I would say, a lot of times for the first time as who they really are.

18:58 So that in and of itself is a big, big component of work that we do. And how often are you working with both, or are you just usually working with the women? I would say most of it is with the women, but I do have some couples that do come along, and I think they make good improvement because they learn not to character assassinate, to complain. And character assassinate is going to take your. So when you're only working with women, and again, this goes to the whole point of, as you've observed and I've observed with talking to other people, that when the women can make those changes, it seems like their partner starts to make those changes too. But what are the red flags of when they recognize that their partner is really not willing to make those changes?

19:42 And that happens sometimes because it's scary and the ego doesn't want to change. When your relationship is not expansive and it becomes... more of a project or something that you have to handle or something you have to recover from, that becomes an issue. Those would be some of the things I think women would see. So when you're dealing with women, what I'm aware of and what I'm interested in is you've got a This is for both men and women. You have fear. You have self-trust. You have all of those amazing, incredibly terrible imprints that you've received in childhood from parents, from religion, from society, from school, from friends. What steps do you take and in what order do you take in order to help them to start removing those elements that are preventing them from experiencing a good relationship? to the point where they can really consciously be able to say, okay, I can really now start to redevelop this relationship or develop a new one.

20:48 I like to say, I love me, and you're like, that's kind of the vibe of where we start with that. And it's really getting into those patterns, those childhood patterns, and looking at how we had to show up and realizing that that was put upon us and really trying falling in love with ourselves and seeing ourselves for the front. I have a 4S system, safe, seen, supported, and sought after. And if you can generate that for yourself, you're not going to not tolerate, you won't tolerate not having that in a relationship. So why do some women, and I don't know if your personality assessment kind of lends towards this, the one that I do does, that I know that there's a specific type of behavioral personality that stays in relationships that they should not be staying in. And they stay in it.

21:42 And if they ultimately get divorced, they go right back into a very similar relationship again. Share with me your thoughts on that, your experience with that, and how you help women to stop that pattern. Those people, I would say, are probably trauma bonded. What they know is trauma. They feel comfortable around trauma. They don't have a lot of self-worth and they don't have a lot of self-trust and they are very ego-led. Ego hears, we're going to be alone. And it's like, no, I don't want that. Nothing, anything but that. And the soul hears infinite possibility and anything great could happen, but they go with the ego. So we have that discussion about being soul-led and ego-led. and really becoming the love that we want to have reflected back to us because it's generated.

22:32 But when people are trauma-bonded, I mean, it's a difficult thing to do, to rewire that. But if they are really willing to do it, we can get it in baby steps. But it's about practicing the vibration and feeling that and holding up, loving yourself enough to hold it when it gets hard. Well, and are you able to help those people that, as you say, are trauma-bound? Are you really able to help them to, and I don't know that they ever get past the trauma, but I think that they're able to rewire that brain pattern, neurological patterns, to where it's not affecting them to the degree that it has been. Have you found that you're able to really help them to do that?

23:14 I think that they can move, they can definitely move the needle. I think some things like the The research that's coming out about psychedelic medicine, helping rewire trauma and anorexia, and it's great for veterans. I'm excited about those kinds of things, too, because I think plant medicine is going to be a huge help with that. Meditation, breath work, there's other tools that they use with my work. That could be very helpful in pushing it along. Because I agree with you. Once you have that one groove in your brain, it's more difficult. It's not impossible at all. There's a ton of hope. We're going to go off on an entirely different subject real quick. But when you talk about plant medication, I'm really into meditation. And I really believe that meditation, however you want to do it, And I think there's multiple ways to do that where you really develop that awareness, that mindfulness of what's going on and so forth. And as those areas come up, that you're able to recognize that's what it is and not have it control you.

24:18 But you talk about plant medication. And I've interviewed a few people. I kind of avoided a fair amount. But it's interesting to me that many people talk about plant medication. And really what they're doing is they're doing mushrooms. They're doing all of these types of things. that put them in an entirely different mental state, almost to the point that it's not really reality for them. Do you find that that really, at least based on what you're saying, does that really work? Or is that just an excuse, kind of like alcohol? No, no. The mushrooms are the way that they are meant to work with your brain. And, you know, I don't, know about the research on so much on journeys, but I think that the research is very favorable when people are under therapeutic conditions doing mushroom journeys. But microdosing, I've seen more research. I think that definitely could help rewire somebody's brain because when you have that one groove that you just keep going down, psilocybin becomes like a snowstorm and then you can sort of ski anywhere you want.

25:24 And it really helps when You have something like that, and you're doing work like this to rewire your brain and alleviate trauma. That's what I've read a lot about, and it's very exciting. And is it being done with someone who's really guiding them so that they're not doing it on their own? Yeah, I mean, from the way I understand it, absolutely. And there's guides, people that are certified in doing these kinds of things. Okay, so let's go to those single women that have been consistently... marrying the wrong guy, and now they're single again, and they're looking for someone. How on earth do you help them to find the right guy? Because that's not easy, particularly, I'm sure you're working with people who are in their midlife now.

26:11 I'm not a matchmaker, but- I will say that when you're able to know your patterns, and it even works, it's not only about how you find a partner, it's how you live your life. So even for me, I noticed that I was doing some dietary changes and I'm going back to my pattern of what I used to eat or would like to eat. I'm like, this isn't serving me more. So this is, is this my pattern? I call it a pause method. And the first one is like, is this my pattern? Or is this the person or the purpose? Am I getting the food of what I'm supposed to be? And am I coming from awareness or my attachment? And then W is, am I coming from my wound or my wholeness? Doing this self-inquiry and all of a sudden you'll see all the places where your patterns are running. What am I in service to?

27:01 Being ego-led with fear or soul-led with infinite possibilities is bringing me to my goal. So when you can catch yourself and just over and over and over again. It's a daily practice to rewire your brain, but it's so possible, very possible. I've done it. So do you feel like, you know, and then we get into the whole quantum field and energy and so forth. Yes, a hundred percent. So do you feel like what happens, if I'm hearing you right, is that as an individual really starts to make that change within themselves, they start to attract a different person, attract someone who can be more compatible. Yes, exactly. 100%. Whatever is going on in your life is a mirror to whatever you're thinking in your patterns.

27:45 And how important is it for them to understand a lot of what you're talking about and teaching them so that as they start to develop a new relationship and meet someone, that they're aware enough as they observe that other person that it's like, okay. You know, here's a red flag or here's a green flag or whatever that happens to be. And I laugh. How many times do you suggest they do a personality assessment before they really start dating someone to some degree? I try to do it every time with everybody. So I want them to see, it's not black and white, it's color, but what their patterns are. And to keep a journal. If you're dating somebody, you know, did I feel safe with this person? I feel seen. You know, did I feel supported? sought after. How did I feel?

28:33 How did I show up? Was this expansive? Did I shrink? Did I do my thing that I always do? So they're not only discerning their partner, and it's not, does that person like me? It's, do I like them? And how am I showing up in this? Am I doing what I've always been doing? Or am I doing the thing that I want, that she would be doing, this woman that I am becoming? So at what point in time do you suggest they ask their partner to take the personality test so that they can really understand. Honestly, I would do it before I got too attached to them. I would, because, and anybody who doesn't want to be assessed, that's, you know, data right there. I would never date anybody who didn't want to be assessed and see my data at the same time. Like, why wouldn't you want to look at the underbelly of the person that you're getting involved with?

29:24 Well, and I, you know, I think that, I laugh about it, but I think that transparency is so important, you know, for... for you to be willing to be transparent and say, hey, here's my assessment, here's my personality, here's who I am, here's the challenges I've had. If you do something like this and I get upset, it's a trigger that I have. And then find someone that's willing to go, okay, you know what? I'm willing to do the same thing. Let me really be transparent with you. Do you find that transparency becomes an incredibly important issue? Yes. And it's amazing how many times even I sometimes get fooled because you think somebody's one way and they're really another way. If somebody is very altruistic and they like to help people, you might think, oh, they're such a great person. They're going to be there for me in all these instances. But they may not have any empathy.

30:14 So if they don't have empathy and then you have a family member that gets sick, they're not going to understand why you might be so upset. just because they like to help their friend get a job. Completely different. But you'd be fooled thinking that they are empathetic when they're out to work. Interesting. That's what I would like to know. Yeah, interesting. Because I never want to be with someone without empathy. Non-negotiable for me. So I love stories. I love stories that you have. So what's the story of transformation that you have experienced with a client? Oh, wow. Okay. Let's see. I have a client that was very shy. And really shrank in relationships. No boundary. You know, typical.

30:55 This is most of my clients. No boundaries. Set themselves on fire to keep everybody warm. And now they have transformed a property. Started a business. They're just doing so well. Because she constantly is working on her patterns. And realizing that the love she wants is not about finding someone. It's about becoming someone. the best version of yourself. And so you're not sitting around waiting. You're giving the love you're generating and giving it out to the world. And then, you know, the goal is hopefully somebody will reflect it back. But if not, like you have this amazing life, you win either way. Well, is there a step-by-step process that you have observed that people go through? It's kind of like climbing a ladder each rump.

31:42 Well, we meet, we do an introduction, then we go through the assessment process. And then I work on the avatar. So they have that as a side thing. So they know what it is that they're looking for when they do decide to date that they could, you know, I give them dating questions, red flags, green flags, how they're supposed to, you know, what the questions are, what the answer that the person most aligned with them would answer. All of that I give them as a side thing. And we sort of put that on the shelf. And then we work on, okay, who is this woman that you want to be? How does she walk? How does she talk? How does she eat? Does she do yoga? Is she in Toastmasters? I don't know. And I want them to get excited about this, and they do. And then they work on becoming her. And that's really where the work is, because this is the rewiring, and this is the practice. And in It's practicing every day and being very conscious of how you're showing up in the world.

32:42 Yeah, I guarantee you that there are women listening to this, and even men, that are going, okay, I want to try this on my own. And I do this. Obviously, I have a medical background. But sometimes it's like, since I'm in Thailand, I don't necessarily trust the medical community here to the degree I do in the U.S., And so oftentimes I'm going onto AI and I recognize sometimes I can get opposite answers by asking the same question. But sometimes I just want to do it myself. I want to figure it out and try it on my own before I go in to do that. And I know that there's going to be people listening to this podcast that are saying, okay, I really want to try this on my own first before I contact somebody that hopefully will help me. And obviously, as you know, there are so many, quote, therapists out there that are really not having the success that people are desiring, and you're one that does have the success. So how do you help people? Are there books that they read? How do you help people to initially say, you know what, I want to try this on my own, get to a certain point, and if I can't, all right, now I'm going to contact Jenna.

33:58 I would sit with a journal and figure out How did they get here? What were their patterns from childhood? You know, really love themselves enough to stay in that space. It's very uncomfortable. And then write down all their patterns and where they want to, then who they want to become. And then what I find super helpful is with AI is let's say if I want to own a car wash, like, you know, put a picture of myself with my car wash in the background. You know, I have a picture of myself, you know, with I'm working on a book. doing my book signing. So I make a mind movie, you know, put some music to it. And this is the way your brain kind of just gets used to this other idea of you. It's really rewiring. That is what is running you. It's not your conscious mind. It's your subconscious.

34:45 And at what point in time do they recognize, okay, it's time to contact Jenna or someone as experienced as Jenna? At least when they feel like where they are and... where they want to go, working with me is going to be the fastest way to do that. If this is resonating with them, that would be the time to call me. But if they want to try it on their own first, be my guest and, you know, really get a solid picture of where you're going and catch yourself being good and catch yourself getting there. And these don't put yourself on a shelf. And if she's going to the gym and, you know, twice a week, then make sure you get there and you treat these goals like appointments that you have with anybody else. You have to start honoring and loving yourself and knowing like, that was my first step to say, I deserve a life that's way better than this. I may not have had it before, but I deserve it and I'm going to give it to myself.

35:41 And are there books that you recommend to people that they could read that would be, you know, really help getting them in the correct mindset and direction? What are your thoughts on that? I have a lot of books that I've read. I mean, I like Dick Schwartz, You're the One You've Been Looking For. That's an IFS book, but he sort of turns Harville Hendricks on his head by saying it's the partner that has to help you. They know it's you, but it helps to get familiar with all these parts of you. And there's a part of you that made you listen to this podcast, and then that's not giving up on you. And that's the part that you've been abandoning that you want and you just start paying attention. So I like that book. Any of these... Quantum physics kind of spiritual books, I think, are really good. Wayne Dyer has probably a lot of books. That would be helpful. That's most of the books that I own are spiritual books. You can't go wrong there.

36:42 So how do people find you? They can find me on my website, jenajake.com, J-E-N-A-J-A-K-E.com, or on Instagram or TikTok. at jenna.g on that. Okay. And so, you know, as we close, what would be a message that you want to share with those that are listening today that would really help them and make a difference in their lives? Just a motivational message that you'd like to share with them. Yeah. You know, there's two, actually. There's There's the alone that you're left with, you know, women that have been divorced, which can be really hard. And then there's the alone that you build, which you own, and that is the most delicious alone. So if some woman is newly alone and is super scared, again, stop abandoning that part of themselves that they've been abandoning and start focusing on the alone that you build, because that is the most amazing.

37:36 And with that said, that you are love and light. And so it's not a matter of waiting for somebody or something external to give it to you it's you're generating the experience and so the highest love and light that you can you will attract everything that is aligned. Okay well i love that so jenna thanks so much i'm sorry we've run out of time but i really appreciate. This was a lovely conversation and i feel lighter just by having it so. Well i really appreciate it and folks i hope i hope this has made a difference for you you know it's It's really interesting. What I have found is that so often, and the reason I do all of these podcasts with different people, is everyone has a different approach.

38:19 And for each one of us, one approach will work, maybe many will work, but we can find one that actually works. And if we can find that one, so I hope today maybe there's been something that has been said and shared today that can give you an idea that if you're experiencing this, that there's number one, hope, and number two, you have the ability to, first of all, reach out to yourself to make those changes, but secondarily then have the strength and the ability and the trust to reach out to someone like Jenna to be able to actually help you. Because my experience is having a coach makes all the difference in the world, or having a mentor makes all the difference in the world. So Jenna, again, thank you so much.

39:03 Thank you so much, Dr. Doug. I look forward to hopefully meeting you again. And helping your audience. Great. Thanks. And folks, thanks for listening. Hope you'll join us again soon. And again, my standard namaste. Namaste. Every conversation on this podcast eventually comes back to that same question. Not how do I get more? But is this actually who I am? If something you heard today moved you just a little closer. to an honest answer, that is enough. I'm Dr. Doug. This is Inspire Vision. Until next time.