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Oct. 13, 2026

The Hollow Form: What Nobody Sees From the Outside

The Hollow Form: What Nobody Sees From the Outside

After a stroke, Chip Scholz's wife bought him a lathe, and it opened something he did not know was there. Chip talks about hollow forms, the vessels with a hidden inside that nobody ever sees, and why a forty two year marriage is shaped the same way. They also walk through his five C framework, context, clarity, conditioning, choice and character, and sit honestly with grief, abandonment and the quiet work of being true to yourself. Https://Scholzandassociates.com

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I have spent years in conversation with people who are

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successful by every measure and still quietly restless, not broken,

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not lost, just aware somewhere underneath the noise that there

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is a version of their life that feels more honest,

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more grounded, more genuinely theirs. This podcast exists for those people,

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for the ones who are done performing and ready to

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go deeper. My name is Dr. Doug. Welcome to Inspire Vision.

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I am glad you are here. Chip, welcome back to

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the show.

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Dr. Doug, it is so great to be here. I

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can't believe you've asked me back. I know. We had

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such a good conversation the first time.

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It was such a great conversation, and we didn't even

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get to half of the stuff that I felt like

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would be such value for the audience to hear about,

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you know, from the standpoint of your wisdom and your experience. So,

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Real briefly, give the audience again, for those that may

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not have heard the first one, a little bit about yourself.

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Author, speaker, craftsman, and I'm just, that's about it. I'm

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doing a lot of writing. I'm in the middle of,

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in fact, I just finished a chapter on the new

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book that's coming out next year. But I'm just, I'm

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having a ball. Executive coach and a lot of other things.

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Well, and as you talk about executive coach, is that

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personal development challenges or is it more of a business related?

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Yes, I'm an executive coach, so I'm not a life coach.

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Every time I hear life coach, I kind of get

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the shivers because it drives me a little bit nuts.

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But no, I deal with business issues, personnel, strategy, that

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kind of stuff. So yes. I laugh at that.

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You know, I actually, you know, when I moved to

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Utah years ago and started working on working with people

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and so forth based on behavioral analyses and so forth,

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everybody in the networking groups were life coaches. And it's

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like if they lost a job, they became a life coach.

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And I thought to myself, oh, my goodness. So I

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appreciate what you're talking about there.

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You will never find me going on a date with anybody.

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Have you heard that about life coaches? They tend to

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go on dates with people. I think there's been about

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at least 25 or 30 TV shows that have a

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life coach in them and it's somebody that's lost a

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job or somebody that can't find meaningful employment anywhere else

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and they call themselves life coaches. So we've just pissed

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off all the life coaches that are listening to us.

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We have and Our apologies, but hey, that's the reality

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of it. And there we go. So your next book,

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what's the name of the next book that's coming out?

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It's called Handoffs. And it's a fictional story. It's first

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time I've written fiction, first time I've had to write dialogue,

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which was a real trip. But it is about a

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family logistics business, because I know a lot about family

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logistics businesses. And I'm The 82-year-old guy who runs it

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is not willing to let go. The 54-year-old son really

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wants to take over, and the old man won't let him.

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It is so much like just about all of the

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businesses that I deal with. In fact, I sent it

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to a bunch of people to get endorsements for the book,

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and just about everybody came back with, did you write

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that about my family? You know, so I love it. Yeah,

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I know it was a ringing a little bit too

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close to the truth. But I use the five C's

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framework in that to to get the family out of

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the crisis they're in.

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OK, and let's let's get into that. You know, there's

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a couple of things that since our first chat I've seen,

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you know, we became friends on Facebook. I see that you,

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you know, have an incredible talent and. Here's what's interesting

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to me. I think about it all of the time.

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So often things have been taught in parables. You know,

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Christ taught in parables. And so often I don't think

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we realize that there are so many things in our

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lives that occur or that we do that if we

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sit back and really develop that sense of curiosity about it,

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that we can realize that there's a life parable in that.

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And I appreciate the fact that, you know, you have

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talked a little bit about that. But tell the audience

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a little bit about why you're a craftsman. What is

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it that you do? And then let's talk a little

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bit about the parable that comes from that or the parables.

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That's a great question. You know, one of the things

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that I don't consider myself a craftsman or did not

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consider myself a craftsman. for a long time. I think

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we talked a little bit about the stroke the first

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time we talked. Coming out of the stroke, my wife

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bought me a lathe and it transformed everything. It opened

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up all kinds of neural pathways that I didn't know existed.

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It might have been the body movements or it might

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have been getting out of the way of a 30-pound

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chunk of spinning wood. It taught me so much, and

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it's taught me so much about craft. It's taught me

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so much about life. Because wood is an organic object,

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and it never stops moving, just like relationships never stop moving.

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We can be great friends one day, and then something happens,

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and we're not, or something happens, and we're even greater friends.

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So the wood never stops moving. The people never stop moving.

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That's one thing we know about finished pieces. In fact,

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I had a platter that I gave to a friend

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of mine in Florida. And going from the less humidity

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in North Carolina to Florida, which has a lot of humidity,

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all of a sudden the thing started warping. And I

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never could have, yeah, I never could have seen that coming. But, uh, um,

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you know, he called, he said, is the, is the

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platter supposed to be round? And I said, no, it's not,

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but thank you for letting me know. And I'll go

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ahead and send you another one if you, if you

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would like, because you know, it, it doesn't stop moving. Um,

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the other thing is, uh, um, craftsmanship. So there was a, uh,

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a chapter in, um, Every Dog Has Its Day that

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came out in March that talks about hollow forms. And

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I don't know if you've ever heard of a hollow form,

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but a hollow form is like a vase or could be,

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I think there's one of them, that thing that's sitting

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behind me on the shelf back there is a hollow form.

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And in a hollow form, it has usually a small

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hole in the top and then is hollowed out on

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the inside. And it's done with a tool. And you

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can't see what you're doing. You know, you can feel.

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You can feel by the way the tool bites. Or

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you can feel, you know, you turn off the lathe

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and you feel inside. But you can't feel it otherwise.

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And for the most part, it's hidden. So, you know,

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nobody's really going to see it. Or nobody's really going

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to feel it. I mean, it's just, you know, it's

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kind of like the inside of an iPhone. You know?

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Nobody's ever going to be in the inside of an iPhone,

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but Steve Jobs wanted to make it beautiful. And the

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story in Every Dog Has His Day is about my wife.

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I've been married almost 42 years. We've had our ups

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and downs, as every married couple does. And our marriage

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is a lot like... a hollow form, you know, because

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nobody sees the work that it takes. Nobody sees what

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it's like to be inside it. Everybody sees the public

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persona or the, you know, the one going out with

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friends or that kind of stuff. And so, you know,

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it's just being a craftsman means you care about what

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it looks like on the inside.

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Well, and as you talk about that, I think so often,

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We really don't know what's going on within a person's soul,

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within their heart, what's going on in their mind. And

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we see certain behavior, and we can either choose to

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react to that behavior or, as you say, just start

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to feel it. And the way that we do that, obviously,

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is in a conversation, in a communication, what's going on,

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tell me a little bit about what's happening. And as

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we seek to be transparent with ourselves and seek to

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have those that are important to us become transparent, I

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think that conversation all of a sudden comes out to, well,

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I'm starting to feel this, or this is what's happening

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to me, or here's the emotion that just came up

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because of this event, or maybe because of something you said.

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And and i love i love the concept the parable

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of that that sometimes we can't see it but we

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can feel it and if we get in and dive

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in a little bit more we start to get a

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sense of what's really going on so I think that

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is such a cool parable that you just shared.

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Well, do you consider the podcast a craft of yours?

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You know, I do.

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It's interesting. One of the thoughts that just came to

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my mind as you were talking is here you are,

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an executive mentor, an executive coach, whatever you want to

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call it, and you've been doing this for years. And

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you have the stroke, you come out, and your wife

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obviously is inspired to give you a gift that somehow

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she knows is going to become so valuable for you.

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And I think about the fact that, and as I've

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done my own personality, my personal portrait on myself and others,

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And I recognized as I went through my own that,

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you know, being a dentist really fulfilled a very specific

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aspect of who I was. I'm very left-brained. I'm very both,

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you know, up and down. So I'm very much focused

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on a very specific thing. And my dentistry gave me

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the ability to really focus on small little details and

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do all of that. And so that was That was

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really great. And then, you know, as I shared with you,

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all of a sudden, I can't do that anymore. And

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for a few years, I'm trying to figure out this.

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I become, you know, I go back to business school

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and I'm working with small businesses and so forth and

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doing okay, but not feeling totally comfortable anymore. And all

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of a sudden the podcast opportunity comes up and I

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start doing that and I'm enjoying that, you know, and

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it really was business tips and trends. So I'm still

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doing the business stuff. And I may have shared this

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with you, but my dad passed away at 93, 92, 93.

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And we went back to Chicago. He had a memorial

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service done by the university students that had been his,

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that were then professors in music. And it was fascinating

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to me to walk away from that and realize that

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the message that we got from his students was so fascinating.

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Incredible singers, classical voice singers, some renowned, and their message

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was simple. Norman was an incredible voice teacher, and they

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told funny stories about how he'd come to their operas

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and he'd sit in the corner and kind of raise

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his hand and do little things to try to give

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them a little guidance as they're singing. But their main

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message was, yeah, he was a great voice teacher, but

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he gave us the strength and power to win, to succeed,

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to live, and to love. And that moment, I walked

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out of there and, you know, my family, my brothers,

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my little sister, they all had different views about my

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dad and so forth. But I walked out of there thinking,

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you know what? what a legacy for him to leave.

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And was it necessarily with his own kids? To some degree, yes.

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But more importantly, with all of those students of his,

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what a legacy. And I came back and I thought,

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you know what? I need to change the direction. What

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is it that I want to do? And that's when

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I changed my podcast concept from business tips and trends

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to inspire vision, making a difference in people's lives. And

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for you, you know, here you are coming out of

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your medical situation and your wife gives you a gift.

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But what you find out is that has become such

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a fulfilling role for you. And I look at that

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and as I went back and looked at my, you know,

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my personal portrait, I realized that there was a whole

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other section of motivators and values that I had not

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really necessarily been fulfilling in my dentistry, although I'd been

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doing some other things. But all of a sudden, this

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is what started to really feel real and so important

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in my life. And so now it is so fulfilling.

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And I look at that with you. Here you are

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doing all the things you've done that are successful and

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so forth. All of a sudden, you have this lathe

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and you have become a craftsman. in making these beautiful

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pieces that you make. And I think, you know, there's

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another example of something that had lied dormant for a while,

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but life circumstances came about to where all of a

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sudden you found something else that was extremely fulfilling and

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met some of those deep values and motivators that perhaps

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you hadn't experienced for a while. Yeah, yeah.

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You know, my mother-in-law had a lot to do with

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it as well. She was 12 days shy of 98

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when she passed. She passed in my easy chair in

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my wife's arms. It was pretty incredible. But she lived

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with us for the last few years. And she saw

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the transformation with a lathe. She was my worst critic

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and my best critic ever. Uh, because I, I would always,

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you know, I'd finish up a piece and I'd bring

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it upstairs and, and, uh, and walk in and hand

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it to her and she would look at it over and,

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you know, feel it. And, um, she was an incredible

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craftsperson herself. Um, she did, um, theorem painting, which is

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a kind of a painting with oils and stencils. Um, she, uh,

246
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she did, you know, knitting and crocheting and, um, she

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did all kinds of stuff. Um, But she always wanted

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me to be useful. She wanted me to have a hobby.

249
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Because up until the stroke, maybe my wife and I

250
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played golf on the weekends, but that was about it.

251
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I was traveling all the time and working and spending

252
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200 nights a year in a hotel. It wasn't much

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of a life. That changed after the stroke. We bought

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a cabin in the mountains, in the North Carolina mountains.

255
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We started changing the way we lived, and craft was

256
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a definite part of that.

257
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Well, it's interesting. I think so often we want this,

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we want that, we want it now. Mankind lacks such patience. And,

259
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you know, you look at our lives and realize that,

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you know, the journey of our lives, and I really

261
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believe this, you know, that as we're patient, as we live,

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as we love, as we move forward, that the journey

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changes a bit from time to time, and things come

264
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into our lives that perhaps we haven't had before, that

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just makes such a difference for us. And For you,

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the same thing. And to be able to be patient

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and observant and curious and just watch what's going on

268
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and what's happening, what am I creating, what's being created

269
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for me, and if things aren't what we want, what

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lesson am I learning from that, I think becomes so important.

271
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So let's talk a little bit about those five Cs

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because you talked a little bit about that, the five

273
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C framework. And let's talk about the application of that

274
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for people who are experiencing lives that they're not particularly enjoying.

275
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Yeah, yeah. The five C's are context, clarity, conditioning, choice,

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and character. So context is being brutally honest about where

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you are. And a lot of us don't want to

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admit where we are. We don't want to admit where

279
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our situation is. We don't want to be You know,

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we don't want to be serious about our careers or

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our married life or, you know, any of that stuff.

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But it's being brutally honest about that. And whether you're

283
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in business or not, being in business, it's also being

284
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brutally honest about what your current situation is, what your

285
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cash flow is, what your customers are doing. So context

286
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is really important, understanding where to start. Clarity is being

287
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certain in no uncertain terms what you want. And the

288
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problem is that most people have no idea what they want.

289
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They can tell you exactly what they don't want, but

290
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they can't tell you what they want.

291
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And oftentimes, yeah, let me interrupt there. Oftentimes, what they

292
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want is not what they want, but it's what they've

293
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been told they should want. Right.

294
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Right. Yeah, yeah, that's, that's true, too. You know, it's funny.

295
00:19:37.549 --> 00:19:39.690
And I'll ask you this question. But I ask a

296
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lot of people what their definition of success is. In

297
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other words, if you can write five or six different

298
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things that success means to you, what would it be

299
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so so I'll ask you, what are five or six

300
00:19:54.180 --> 00:19:55.920
things that success is to you?

301
00:19:56.980 --> 00:19:59.039
You asked me that last time. Oh, that's right.

302
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Okay. Okay.

303
00:20:01.519 --> 00:20:02.319
No, no.

304
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Has your answer changed?

305
00:20:04.980 --> 00:20:10.539
No, it hasn't changed. Success is my kids, my grandkids,

306
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being of value to them, being of value to my wife,

307
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being of value to the world on an individual basis.

308
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And again, I think that goes back to the many

309
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years that I've lived and realized that there's some things

310
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more important than what I had been doing.

311
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Well, clarity then becomes an outgrowth of that. It can

312
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be as simple as, what is your definition of success?

313
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And so it's really great to understand what your definition

314
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of success is. And as we talked last time, I'm sure,

315
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it is a lifelong pursuit. So everything else gets framed

316
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within that. Conditioning is getting your mind right, is changing

317
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your mind, is what do I have to think? What

318
00:21:03.359 --> 00:21:05.940
is going to get me where I want to go?

319
00:21:07.309 --> 00:21:11.519
in what I'm thinking. Because if you want to do

320
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something different, you've got to think differently. And how are

321
00:21:15.279 --> 00:21:19.900
you going to think differently? Choice is about behavior. It's

322
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about framing the behaviors in the conditioning that you've received.

323
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And my favorite story about that is six frogs are

324
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sitting on a log. One of them decides to jump off.

325
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How many frogs are left?

326
00:21:36.140 --> 00:21:38.980
Yeah, well, I would say there's still six because he

327
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only decided he didn't actually jump.

328
00:21:41.160 --> 00:21:44.980
Exactly, exactly. And I can't tell you how many people

329
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say five.

330
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I almost did.

331
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But, yeah, I mean, they only decide. If they don't

332
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take the behavior to jump off, you know, I can't

333
00:21:58.660 --> 00:22:02.029
tell what you're thinking. I cannot tell what you're thinking. Right.

334
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All you can do is tell me what you're thinking

335
00:22:04.680 --> 00:22:07.000
or all I can tell from you what you're thinking

336
00:22:07.119 --> 00:22:11.990
is how you behave. Yeah. And my wife used to

337
00:22:12.210 --> 00:22:14.769
say that all the time. Don't say I'm sorry. Change.

338
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It's like, OK, got it. Got it. And then and

339
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then character is about personal accountability. It's about it's about purpose.

340
00:22:26.529 --> 00:22:29.950
It's about living your purpose. It's, it's about, uh, and

341
00:22:30.049 --> 00:22:32.630
you know, I, I think the interesting part about purpose

342
00:22:32.690 --> 00:22:36.259
to me is that your purpose doesn't have to be

343
00:22:36.400 --> 00:22:40.980
some transcendent thing. It is probably right there in your

344
00:22:41.019 --> 00:22:47.329
definition of success. So being the best husband, father, et cetera, um,

345
00:22:47.609 --> 00:22:55.269
spouse you can be is probably your purpose. Um, My

346
00:22:55.329 --> 00:22:59.089
purpose is I live to develop people, which is what

347
00:22:59.130 --> 00:23:01.069
I do every day when I get up in the morning.

348
00:23:01.089 --> 00:23:04.089
And it's not just the coaching that I do. It's

349
00:23:04.130 --> 00:23:08.750
not just the writing I do. I teach woodturning. It's

350
00:23:09.049 --> 00:23:12.990
the conversations that I have with my wife and my kids.

351
00:23:16.420 --> 00:23:20.980
It's what I do. But it's also people. It's not others.

352
00:23:21.059 --> 00:23:23.799
I don't live to develop others. I literally develop people

353
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because I'm a people too. So that means I have

354
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to develop myself to be the best that I can

355
00:23:30.630 --> 00:23:33.970
possibly be so I can help others be the best

356
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they can possibly be. So it's kind of a symbiotic relationship.

357
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But character is about understanding what your purpose is and

358
00:23:42.509 --> 00:23:48.519
understanding that I'm accountable to myself. And don't we love

359
00:23:48.579 --> 00:23:50.400
working with people that are personally accountable?

360
00:23:51.880 --> 00:23:56.359
Yes, oh, absolutely. Yeah, yeah. And what comes to my

361
00:23:56.420 --> 00:24:01.480
mind is being true to yourself. And I think that

362
00:24:01.660 --> 00:24:05.920
as you talk about character, so often we find that

363
00:24:06.109 --> 00:24:11.490
we're not genuinely connected to that inner pure self of

364
00:24:11.549 --> 00:24:14.130
who we are. We're not really being true to who

365
00:24:14.190 --> 00:24:18.170
we are for various reasons. But what have you found?

366
00:24:18.710 --> 00:24:20.599
What have you found is one of the main causes

367
00:24:20.650 --> 00:24:25.380
why someone can find themselves not truly being true to themselves,

368
00:24:25.579 --> 00:24:28.240
not experiencing that character, as you mentioned?

369
00:24:31.740 --> 00:24:37.079
The big thing is when you start to believe you're

370
00:24:37.119 --> 00:24:43.640
the most important person. I think there's a lot that

371
00:24:43.680 --> 00:24:49.019
goes into humility. And I think people are extremely attracted

372
00:24:49.339 --> 00:24:52.569
to humility. I mean, not everybody. I'm sure there are

373
00:24:52.609 --> 00:24:55.849
people that are attracted to power and the exercise of power,

374
00:24:55.869 --> 00:25:01.690
but I think that's pretty shallow. But when you start

375
00:25:01.730 --> 00:25:06.859
to believe your own press, bad things really start to happen. And,

376
00:25:06.900 --> 00:25:12.859
you know, I have firsthand knowledge of that. And it's

377
00:25:12.900 --> 00:25:16.339
an interesting story. I was a lobbyist in a former life.

378
00:25:16.460 --> 00:25:19.619
And so I spent 10 years lobbying on the West Coast.

379
00:25:21.859 --> 00:25:24.490
I was at a dinner one night and I thought

380
00:25:24.509 --> 00:25:26.670
it was all that. And I was at a dinner

381
00:25:26.769 --> 00:25:29.509
one night with my wife and a woman came up

382
00:25:29.589 --> 00:25:33.109
and started gushing about how wonderful it was, how I

383
00:25:33.190 --> 00:25:35.930
was such a wonderful person and all that kind of stuff.

384
00:25:36.450 --> 00:25:38.720
My wife had had just about a belly full, looked

385
00:25:38.799 --> 00:25:43.210
at her and said, you don't have to live with them. So,

386
00:25:44.099 --> 00:25:46.440
you know, I mean, talk, talk about talking about just

387
00:25:46.819 --> 00:25:49.960
putting me back in my place. Um, and, and that's

388
00:25:49.980 --> 00:25:53.299
probably why we're still married, uh, um, 35 years later,

389
00:25:53.299 --> 00:25:57.200
30 years later. Uh, but you know, I, I think,

390
00:25:57.789 --> 00:26:03.910
I think just believing, believing that you're all that is, is, uh, um,

391
00:26:04.269 --> 00:26:05.829
is one of those things that gets in the way.

392
00:26:07.630 --> 00:26:07.869
Yeah.

393
00:26:08.269 --> 00:26:08.509
Yeah.

394
00:26:08.809 --> 00:26:14.359
And, And also not even being curious enough to be

395
00:26:14.420 --> 00:26:17.299
willing to sit back and, you know, I use the

396
00:26:17.339 --> 00:26:22.430
word meditate, but just to sit back and ponder, you know,

397
00:26:22.750 --> 00:26:27.289
who am I? And am I being true to my values?

398
00:26:27.329 --> 00:26:29.769
Am I being true to my motivators? Am I being

399
00:26:29.829 --> 00:26:36.250
true to what's important in my life? And am I

400
00:26:36.269 --> 00:26:40.619
being true to me And I think that that is

401
00:26:40.680 --> 00:26:43.619
such a challenge so often. And I think we all

402
00:26:43.640 --> 00:26:47.539
go through that. And I think it's a regular journey

403
00:26:47.579 --> 00:26:49.960
that we go through. And all of a sudden it's like, okay,

404
00:26:50.019 --> 00:26:52.440
here I am. Am I really being true to myself

405
00:26:52.779 --> 00:26:56.539
in this situation? And I think as we allow ourselves

406
00:26:57.220 --> 00:27:01.190
to be transparent about that with ourselves, I think it

407
00:27:01.230 --> 00:27:05.210
can make such a difference in moving forward in a

408
00:27:05.269 --> 00:27:07.390
life that we're really looking forward to having.

409
00:27:08.299 --> 00:27:14.720
Yeah, yeah. You mentioned curiosity. So what is your feeling

410
00:27:14.789 --> 00:27:15.829
about curiosity?

411
00:27:17.650 --> 00:27:21.670
You know, for me, in fact, there's a joke with

412
00:27:21.750 --> 00:27:26.490
one of my brothers who we talk very often. He's

413
00:27:26.670 --> 00:27:30.230
extremely bright, but we get into all sorts of conversations,

414
00:27:30.309 --> 00:27:36.690
theologically and otherwise. And he has a much different personality

415
00:27:36.750 --> 00:27:40.420
than I have. And so every once in a while,

416
00:27:40.740 --> 00:27:42.799
we'll just sit and laugh and I'll say, all right,

417
00:27:42.839 --> 00:27:45.420
my curiosity is coming up again. I wanted to call

418
00:27:45.460 --> 00:27:48.119
you because this is what came to my mind. What

419
00:27:48.160 --> 00:27:51.210
are your thoughts? What do you think? And what I

420
00:27:51.309 --> 00:27:57.789
find is, for me, being curious has opened up the world,

421
00:27:58.150 --> 00:28:04.390
has opened up the spirituality for me of understanding the

422
00:28:04.430 --> 00:28:08.640
purpose of life and understanding who I am, but why

423
00:28:08.680 --> 00:28:11.819
I've had the experiences I've had, why I've been responsible

424
00:28:11.880 --> 00:28:14.980
for certain circumstances that later on I wish I hadn't had.

425
00:28:16.180 --> 00:28:19.519
And to be curious, I think, opens up the mind

426
00:28:20.359 --> 00:28:25.900
to being able to receive that understanding of self and

427
00:28:25.940 --> 00:28:30.480
of life. And as we get curious, we get more curious.

428
00:28:30.539 --> 00:28:33.119
And for me now, it's like, you know, and as

429
00:28:33.200 --> 00:28:35.289
I may have mentioned, I've been starting to do a

430
00:28:35.309 --> 00:28:38.599
lot more writing and As I've done that, I'm writing

431
00:28:38.660 --> 00:28:41.000
articles for Substack because that seems to be a fun

432
00:28:41.019 --> 00:28:46.640
place to go. And each week something happens or a

433
00:28:46.680 --> 00:28:51.619
conversation or somebody in a podcast says one word and

434
00:28:51.900 --> 00:28:57.180
it hits me. And it's like, okay, I'm really curious

435
00:28:57.259 --> 00:28:59.519
about that. My brother and I were talking last week

436
00:29:00.180 --> 00:29:03.460
and we were talking about, he said something about renewal.

437
00:29:04.559 --> 00:29:07.339
And I thought the word, okay, renewal. I just wrote

438
00:29:07.380 --> 00:29:10.940
a huge article about the fact that we are reborn

439
00:29:11.000 --> 00:29:16.690
multiple times before we ever die. And, you know, and

440
00:29:16.769 --> 00:29:20.869
so I think that that curiosity, if someone can develop curiosity,

441
00:29:20.930 --> 00:29:25.390
it opens up an entirely different sense of life for themselves.

442
00:29:26.829 --> 00:29:33.930
Well, we reborn physiologically and mentally and experientially. I mean, goodness.

443
00:29:34.509 --> 00:29:34.789
Yes.

444
00:29:35.349 --> 00:29:37.880
Yeah, we're reborn in a whole lot of ways. You know,

445
00:29:38.339 --> 00:29:42.539
one of my favorite sayings is from Walt Whitman, and it's,

446
00:29:42.619 --> 00:29:46.160
be curious, not judgmental. So if the choice is to

447
00:29:46.220 --> 00:29:49.900
be curious or judgmental, then I will take curious every time.

448
00:29:51.660 --> 00:29:57.230
Well, and it opens up such a wonderful opportunity for

449
00:29:57.309 --> 00:30:00.700
better relationships, I think, because You know, as you say,

450
00:30:00.740 --> 00:30:03.460
you've been married for 35 years. I haven't been. But,

451
00:30:04.279 --> 00:30:08.109
you know, as things come up that are sometimes a

452
00:30:08.230 --> 00:30:13.049
little bit difficult, being able to be curious and say,

453
00:30:13.089 --> 00:30:17.049
you know what, to a friend or to whomever, tell

454
00:30:17.069 --> 00:30:19.690
me a little bit more about that. Or even as

455
00:30:19.730 --> 00:30:23.880
you're in this whole political fight, if the other person

456
00:30:23.940 --> 00:30:27.200
is willing to Say, you know what, instead of judging

457
00:30:27.220 --> 00:30:29.920
or instead of arguing, tell me a little bit about

458
00:30:30.160 --> 00:30:33.490
why you feel that way. I'd love to understand. And

459
00:30:33.569 --> 00:30:37.289
as we do that, I think what happens sometimes is, yeah,

460
00:30:37.950 --> 00:30:40.750
we may not agree. But all of a sudden, maybe

461
00:30:40.809 --> 00:30:43.029
a couple of things do come up where you go, wow,

462
00:30:43.069 --> 00:30:45.630
you know what, I hadn't thought about that. I need

463
00:30:45.670 --> 00:30:48.339
to think about that a bit. Because all of a sudden,

464
00:30:48.359 --> 00:30:52.700
we can gain some respect and appreciation for their thought process.

465
00:30:53.369 --> 00:30:55.450
And we can only do that if we're willing to

466
00:30:55.490 --> 00:30:57.940
be curious rather than judgmental. Yeah.

467
00:30:58.460 --> 00:31:03.299
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. You know, um, uh, Brene Brown

468
00:31:03.339 --> 00:31:06.079
talks about that quite a bit with, uh, with being

469
00:31:06.119 --> 00:31:09.980
vulnerable or, or, you know, with judgment or blame. Um,

470
00:31:10.029 --> 00:31:12.430
you know, I, I, I love, uh, her, her thoughts

471
00:31:12.470 --> 00:31:16.309
about blame. And, um, the thought about blame is, is

472
00:31:16.390 --> 00:31:20.730
that it's a way to discharge, um, anger and, um,

473
00:31:20.930 --> 00:31:24.920
and hurt. Um, You know, so we blame other people

474
00:31:24.980 --> 00:31:30.049
for our lot in life. And wow, that is so true.

475
00:31:31.789 --> 00:31:34.349
So was character number four character number five?

476
00:31:36.029 --> 00:31:37.269
Character number five, yes.

477
00:31:38.470 --> 00:31:42.069
Okay. Yeah, I got lost in all this conversation. You know,

478
00:31:42.529 --> 00:31:44.210
one of the things that hit me too is you

479
00:31:44.230 --> 00:31:50.029
were talking about conditioning and how the word that came

480
00:31:50.069 --> 00:31:54.470
to my mind is mindset, consciousness. And how important it

481
00:31:54.769 --> 00:31:58.970
is to truly be conscious of what's going on and

482
00:31:59.049 --> 00:32:05.859
develop a mindset of understanding ourselves, our events, and understanding

483
00:32:05.940 --> 00:32:10.619
oftentimes going back to why am I responding or why

484
00:32:10.680 --> 00:32:16.339
am I reacting in a particular way to a particular event? Because,

485
00:32:16.359 --> 00:32:20.880
you know, as I've thought about it so often, events

486
00:32:21.039 --> 00:32:26.769
don't have any emotion to them. An event is an event.

487
00:32:27.849 --> 00:32:31.970
We apply an emotion to the event that we observe.

488
00:32:32.599 --> 00:32:35.779
And then the question becomes, why did I apply that

489
00:32:35.880 --> 00:32:40.400
particular emotion to it? And for some, it's like, you

490
00:32:40.420 --> 00:32:44.339
know what? I've finally learned that I don't have to

491
00:32:44.380 --> 00:32:47.599
be reactive to all of these things. But for others,

492
00:32:47.720 --> 00:32:51.019
it's like, oh, I'm angry or I'm upset and so forth. Well, why?

493
00:32:51.599 --> 00:32:55.339
What what has gone on in your life years ago,

494
00:32:55.480 --> 00:33:00.960
maybe that is causing you to respond with that emotion.

495
00:33:01.039 --> 00:33:03.549
And I think to be able to have the mindset

496
00:33:03.609 --> 00:33:09.470
to start, and then the curiosity to start that discovery

497
00:33:09.509 --> 00:33:17.039
process becomes so essential to ultimately a happy life. Yeah. Yeah.

498
00:33:17.460 --> 00:33:21.490
You know, what, what comes to mind? So, um, Yeah,

499
00:33:21.509 --> 00:33:24.950
it was probably a month ago. Uh, my dog died

500
00:33:25.430 --> 00:33:28.410
and my dog died rather suddenly. It wasn't an accident.

501
00:33:28.480 --> 00:33:31.680
It was, uh, he had a tumor on his heart

502
00:33:32.160 --> 00:33:35.039
that we didn't know about. And, uh, um, and that

503
00:33:35.079 --> 00:33:40.509
got him. Um, and I, I, I had a, a

504
00:33:40.640 --> 00:33:44.109
very difficult reaction to that. Um, he was my buddy and,

505
00:33:44.630 --> 00:33:46.869
you know, I'd had him for 11 years and, and

506
00:33:47.369 --> 00:33:50.970
I just, um, I love the stupid dog to death. Um,

507
00:33:51.769 --> 00:33:55.349
He was a, he was a great, uh, a great pal. Um,

508
00:33:56.430 --> 00:33:59.349
and you know, what, what got me to, what just

509
00:33:59.569 --> 00:34:02.710
made me think of that as, as you were talking was,

510
00:34:02.869 --> 00:34:05.430
you know, think of all the other abandonments that you've

511
00:34:05.470 --> 00:34:08.820
had in your life. Um, you know, my dad died

512
00:34:08.880 --> 00:34:13.920
at 51. My mom died at 56. Um, both of them, my,

513
00:34:13.980 --> 00:34:16.800
my dad, um, died. It took about a year for

514
00:34:16.840 --> 00:34:20.219
him to die. He died of the treatment of cancer. Um,

515
00:34:20.840 --> 00:34:23.460
The cancer was all gone, but the treatment killed him.

516
00:34:26.250 --> 00:34:30.150
And my mother died fairly quickly. She was, I think

517
00:34:30.190 --> 00:34:33.590
she took, she had an aneurysm on Sunday and she

518
00:34:33.610 --> 00:34:41.349
was gone on Tuesday. But those are all abandonments, you know.

519
00:34:43.159 --> 00:34:46.000
And you start to get the depth of some of

520
00:34:46.059 --> 00:34:50.039
that feeling of the abandonments. I mean, I had a

521
00:34:50.199 --> 00:34:54.610
five-year period that I lost my mom and my dad.

522
00:34:54.630 --> 00:35:02.090
I got divorced. I got remarried. I got fired from

523
00:35:02.130 --> 00:35:05.070
a job, and I got a new job. And I

524
00:35:05.130 --> 00:35:08.030
also got promoted in that job to another city and

525
00:35:08.090 --> 00:35:14.079
moved completely to another city. All within five years. most

526
00:35:14.139 --> 00:35:18.059
people would probably have had a breakdown after those five years.

527
00:35:19.480 --> 00:35:22.489
And I look back on it now and I go, God,

528
00:35:22.639 --> 00:35:28.489
how did I make that through? But you do. You do.

529
00:35:28.710 --> 00:35:33.829
And yet here your dog died and subconsciously all of

530
00:35:33.869 --> 00:35:35.309
that came back up again.

531
00:35:35.630 --> 00:35:39.909
Yeah, I didn't sleep for three weeks after he died.

532
00:35:39.989 --> 00:35:44.889
I didn't sleep well. I was just anxious and nervous and,

533
00:35:46.369 --> 00:35:51.050
you know, that's, yeah, it's funny how that all comes back.

534
00:35:52.449 --> 00:35:55.750
So here's my question for you, because I guarantee you,

535
00:35:55.800 --> 00:36:00.380
those that are listening, many are experiencing deep grief, deep loss,

536
00:36:00.480 --> 00:36:03.920
that type of thing. As you began to understand that

537
00:36:03.980 --> 00:36:08.949
whole process of what was happening, how have you been

538
00:36:09.030 --> 00:36:12.289
able to deal with all of that abandonment, with all

539
00:36:12.309 --> 00:36:15.550
of that loss, with the loss of your dog. How

540
00:36:15.590 --> 00:36:18.789
did you deal with that? Because I'm assuming every once

541
00:36:18.869 --> 00:36:21.199
in a while it still comes up, which is okay,

542
00:36:22.000 --> 00:36:25.360
but it's not, it hasn't totally taken over your life.

543
00:36:25.840 --> 00:36:28.440
How did you deal with that? That might be of

544
00:36:28.500 --> 00:36:30.780
value to people who are going through similar things.

545
00:36:31.340 --> 00:36:33.489
You know, it's, it's weird. I, I, I've never told

546
00:36:33.550 --> 00:36:37.519
anybody outside of my wife this, but, uh, um, I

547
00:36:37.679 --> 00:36:42.719
had a recurring dream probably 25 years after my dad died, um,

548
00:36:43.610 --> 00:36:47.050
that he showed up and he couldn't explain where he'd

549
00:36:47.070 --> 00:36:52.590
been for 25 years. And we had a conversation and

550
00:36:52.869 --> 00:36:54.489
I don't know, maybe that was what I needed right

551
00:36:54.510 --> 00:36:56.690
at that time or, or, you know, that's, that's why

552
00:36:56.710 --> 00:37:01.170
he appeared. You know, I think it's, it's mindset. Maybe

553
00:37:01.190 --> 00:37:05.070
I was just too stupid to be, to, to grieve. Um,

554
00:37:06.360 --> 00:37:11.579
I don't know. But it's mindset. Listen, if you think

555
00:37:11.840 --> 00:37:14.780
that everybody's out to get you, probably everybody's out to

556
00:37:14.820 --> 00:37:17.400
get you. And everybody's going to be out to get you.

557
00:37:18.380 --> 00:37:24.090
If you believe that the world is a decent place

558
00:37:24.159 --> 00:37:27.590
to be, then you're probably going to think a little

559
00:37:27.630 --> 00:37:32.329
bit differently. So when I look back on some of

560
00:37:32.369 --> 00:37:38.539
those times, I mean, Yeah, you know, eventually I did

561
00:37:38.559 --> 00:37:42.800
see a therapist and, you know, I spent a while

562
00:37:43.420 --> 00:37:46.920
working everything out, but it wasn't coming from a place

563
00:37:47.039 --> 00:37:50.909
of I'm broken. It's coming from a place of, you know,

564
00:37:51.139 --> 00:37:54.929
I just need to work this all stuff out. Does

565
00:37:54.949 --> 00:37:55.909
that make any sense?

566
00:37:57.010 --> 00:37:58.969
Well, it doesn't. I think you bring up such an

567
00:37:59.050 --> 00:38:05.800
important point of personal responsibility, recognizing that As these things

568
00:38:05.840 --> 00:38:09.360
keep coming up, at what point in time do we say,

569
00:38:09.400 --> 00:38:12.280
you know what, I really need to take the responsibility

570
00:38:12.320 --> 00:38:15.670
to work through this, whether it's through a therapist, whatever

571
00:38:15.710 --> 00:38:19.349
way that happens to be. And sometimes a therapist is

572
00:38:19.389 --> 00:38:23.670
so important. But to be able to take the responsibility

573
00:38:23.710 --> 00:38:27.289
to say, hey, you know what, these are mine. I

574
00:38:27.349 --> 00:38:30.760
can't blame anybody else for them. I can't blame society.

575
00:38:31.380 --> 00:38:34.360
These are mine. I'm going to take the responsibility to

576
00:38:34.400 --> 00:38:37.860
work through them. And as we do that, and as

577
00:38:37.940 --> 00:38:40.880
we hopefully find a good path to do that, and

578
00:38:40.940 --> 00:38:45.000
if we don't, we keep starting over and over and

579
00:38:45.099 --> 00:38:48.079
over again until we do find the right path. I

580
00:38:48.139 --> 00:38:51.260
think that becomes so important. You know, one of the

581
00:38:51.340 --> 00:38:53.199
interesting things, and we don't have a lot of time,

582
00:38:53.219 --> 00:38:54.960
but I want to get into this because you talked

583
00:38:55.000 --> 00:39:00.579
about the fact that your next book is stories. And

584
00:39:02.480 --> 00:39:04.400
And I think stories can be important. I want you

585
00:39:04.440 --> 00:39:07.760
to talk a little bit about stories and how they

586
00:39:07.800 --> 00:39:11.969
can be so important in our lives as we look

587
00:39:12.030 --> 00:39:15.289
at stories, as we read stories, as we consider stories.

588
00:39:15.550 --> 00:39:20.610
Oh, story is so important. I've sat in enough presentations

589
00:39:20.730 --> 00:39:25.769
where somebody gets 25 PowerPoint slides with 42 points on

590
00:39:25.809 --> 00:39:30.090
each slide and reads every damn slide. And you just...

591
00:39:30.239 --> 00:39:32.840
kind of go a little bit nuts. Whereas they could

592
00:39:32.860 --> 00:39:36.059
have told a story and it would have had everybody

593
00:39:36.119 --> 00:39:41.849
wrapped in attention in the place. So story is just

594
00:39:41.949 --> 00:39:44.610
so important. It's how we relate. It's how we relate

595
00:39:44.630 --> 00:39:47.210
to each other. It's how we relate to ourselves and

596
00:39:47.860 --> 00:39:52.260
Because everybody in every story sees a bit of themselves

597
00:39:52.340 --> 00:39:57.659
in it. And that's the really important thing is, are

598
00:39:57.699 --> 00:40:01.909
we able to see ourselves in the story that you're telling?

599
00:40:03.289 --> 00:40:06.269
So it doesn't matter whether I'm going over the quarterly

600
00:40:06.329 --> 00:40:11.590
earnings or if I'm telling a story about my breakdown

601
00:40:11.670 --> 00:40:13.530
or whatever. People love stories.

602
00:40:16.869 --> 00:40:19.650
And you know what I find interesting? And again, I

603
00:40:19.710 --> 00:40:24.789
go back to, you know, the stories, the parables. And

604
00:40:25.130 --> 00:40:29.050
when Christ was asked, why do you teach in parables?

605
00:40:30.150 --> 00:40:35.610
And his response was, you know, let them understand for

606
00:40:35.639 --> 00:40:37.969
those that can understand. And I think, you know what?

607
00:40:39.460 --> 00:40:42.380
Each of us, as we hear a story, we're going

608
00:40:42.440 --> 00:40:47.909
to understand that in a particular way. that's important to us.

609
00:40:48.750 --> 00:40:52.070
And it's like anything else. You and I may listen

610
00:40:52.110 --> 00:40:57.409
to a story, the same story, and for me, it's

611
00:40:57.440 --> 00:41:00.920
going to have an entirely different meaning in my life

612
00:41:02.079 --> 00:41:05.940
than it is for you. And yet, the important thing

613
00:41:06.280 --> 00:41:11.639
is that someone was willing to share that story. Yeah.

614
00:41:12.059 --> 00:41:16.469
You know, when you were talking about that before, We

615
00:41:16.530 --> 00:41:21.929
can't control anything except ourselves. So we can't control what

616
00:41:21.969 --> 00:41:25.960
happens to us, but we can control our reaction to it.

617
00:41:27.489 --> 00:41:32.329
That's the same way with a story. We can't dictate

618
00:41:32.389 --> 00:41:35.269
the story. Somebody's going to tell us a story and

619
00:41:35.329 --> 00:41:37.449
we choose to make of it what we want to

620
00:41:37.469 --> 00:41:41.280
make of it. And that's the important part. You're absolutely right.

621
00:41:41.320 --> 00:41:44.719
That's the important part is being able to make something

622
00:41:44.760 --> 00:41:47.829
out of a story. and have it reflect in our lives.

623
00:41:48.869 --> 00:41:53.679
Why do we enjoy listening to someone give a great sermon,

624
00:41:54.420 --> 00:41:58.480
and usually that great sermon tells a couple of stories? Well,

625
00:41:58.679 --> 00:42:01.159
we enjoy that because we can put ourselves in that

626
00:42:01.219 --> 00:42:04.599
story in the way that we want to, not in

627
00:42:04.639 --> 00:42:06.800
the way that perhaps they intended us to, but in

628
00:42:06.820 --> 00:42:07.690
the way we want to.

629
00:42:09.409 --> 00:42:13.730
And that becomes the important point. Again, from the standpoint

630
00:42:13.789 --> 00:42:17.639
of the storyteller, realizing that if we're gonna tell stories,

631
00:42:18.199 --> 00:42:21.719
we tell the story and that's all. We don't try

632
00:42:21.800 --> 00:42:24.780
to imprint on someone else what it should mean to them.

633
00:42:26.900 --> 00:42:32.429
So anyway, yeah. Hey, this has been enjoyable. This has

634
00:42:32.469 --> 00:42:35.449
really been more of just a conversation this time, which

635
00:42:35.590 --> 00:42:37.010
I really have enjoyed.

636
00:42:37.349 --> 00:42:39.769
Have we been on that long? I think, have we

637
00:42:39.809 --> 00:42:41.829
been on only 15 minutes? I mean, come on.

638
00:42:43.090 --> 00:42:46.050
I know, isn't that amazing? Yeah. You know, I think

639
00:42:46.110 --> 00:42:48.829
about that as I do my walking meditation. I'll walk

640
00:42:48.909 --> 00:42:53.289
for literally close to three miles, and it usually takes

641
00:42:53.309 --> 00:42:58.420
an hour and 15 minutes and so forth. And sometimes

642
00:42:58.559 --> 00:43:02.000
as I'm either listening to a book or oftentimes when

643
00:43:02.019 --> 00:43:06.179
I'm listening to chimes for my meditation, which I found

644
00:43:06.239 --> 00:43:10.050
for me is really effective, all of a sudden, Here

645
00:43:10.139 --> 00:43:12.659
I am back at the house and I think, where

646
00:43:12.840 --> 00:43:14.300
on earth did that time go?

647
00:43:15.500 --> 00:43:17.840
Well, and what I ask is, where did I go? Yeah.

648
00:43:20.420 --> 00:43:21.179
Where have I been?

649
00:43:21.199 --> 00:43:26.239
Anyway. Well, so what would you like to share with

650
00:43:26.289 --> 00:43:28.769
the audience kind of as that final message? And that's

651
00:43:28.789 --> 00:43:30.929
something I love, you know, for my guests to do

652
00:43:31.030 --> 00:43:33.389
is kind of that final message that might make a

653
00:43:33.429 --> 00:43:35.429
difference in their lives as they think about it.

654
00:43:37.389 --> 00:43:43.730
You know... I don't really have a great piece of advice, but, uh, um, I,

655
00:43:43.829 --> 00:43:46.630
I think we've had a great conversation and, uh, and,

656
00:43:46.789 --> 00:43:49.860
you know, don't forget the power of story. Be curious,

657
00:43:50.500 --> 00:43:53.980
you know, um, and, and, and I, I think, I

658
00:43:54.019 --> 00:44:00.300
think being curious keeps us young, you know, because, because,

659
00:44:00.739 --> 00:44:03.829
because I've, I've known so many people that retire and

660
00:44:04.010 --> 00:44:10.369
stop being curious. And, and, and, They grow old quickly.

661
00:44:10.429 --> 00:44:13.960
They grow old and they become really boring. Yeah.

662
00:44:15.780 --> 00:44:17.300
Well, we hope we're not, right?

663
00:44:17.519 --> 00:44:18.599
That's right. That's right.

664
00:44:19.460 --> 00:44:22.239
Anyway, Chip, hey, thanks so much. This has been great.

665
00:44:22.320 --> 00:44:25.920
I really appreciate it. And look forward to that new

666
00:44:25.960 --> 00:44:27.960
book coming out. You say it's in October? Yep.

667
00:44:28.639 --> 00:44:28.820
Yep.

668
00:44:29.510 --> 00:44:31.710
Okay. And again, how do people find your books?

669
00:44:32.530 --> 00:44:37.329
Amazon and the audiobooks are on a number of audiobook

670
00:44:37.429 --> 00:44:38.269
platforms as well.

671
00:44:39.630 --> 00:44:42.440
Perfect. All right, Chip, thanks so much. I appreciate it.

672
00:44:42.449 --> 00:44:45.139
And folks, hope you've enjoyed it. This has been a

673
00:44:45.159 --> 00:44:48.880
fun conversation for us and hope that maybe something that

674
00:44:48.920 --> 00:44:51.199
we said might make a difference for you. So this

675
00:44:51.280 --> 00:44:54.019
is Dr. Doug saying namaste.

676
00:44:54.079 --> 00:44:54.719
Namaste.

677
00:44:56.940 --> 00:45:00.039
Every conversation on this podcast eventually comes back to that

678
00:45:00.079 --> 00:45:04.320
same question, not how do I get more, but is

679
00:45:04.340 --> 00:45:08.300
this actually who I am? If something you heard today

680
00:45:08.440 --> 00:45:11.289
moved you just a little closer to an honest answer,

681
00:45:12.110 --> 00:45:16.969
that is enough. I'm Dr. Doug. This is Inspire Vision.

682
00:45:17.730 --> 00:45:18.550
Until next time.