Dec. 18, 2024

What’s Your Story

What’s Your Story

Madelaine Weiss has focused her career on helping both parents and children navigate in a most productive way the challenges of life. Parental burnout is a symptom that many parents experience and the results can be very traumatic and formative on...

iHeartRadio podcast player iconSpotify podcast player iconAmazon Music podcast player iconAudible podcast player iconPandora podcast player iconApple Podcasts podcast player iconSpreaker podcast player iconPodchaser podcast player iconAudacy podcast player iconDeezer podcast player iconTuneIn podcast player iconRSS Feed podcast player iconPodcast Addict podcast player iconCastro podcast player iconCastamatic podcast player iconCastbox podcast player iconFountain podcast player iconJioSaavn podcast player iconPlayerFM podcast player iconOvercast podcast player iconGoodpods podcast player iconPocketCasts podcast player iconPodverse podcast player iconPodurama podcast player iconPodimo podcast player iconPodyssey podcast player iconYouTube podcast player iconYoutube Music podcast player icon
iHeartRadio podcast player iconSpotify podcast player iconAmazon Music podcast player iconAudible podcast player iconPandora podcast player iconApple Podcasts podcast player iconSpreaker podcast player iconPodchaser podcast player iconAudacy podcast player iconDeezer podcast player iconTuneIn podcast player iconRSS Feed podcast player iconPodcast Addict podcast player iconCastro podcast player iconCastamatic podcast player iconCastbox podcast player iconFountain podcast player iconJioSaavn podcast player iconPlayerFM podcast player iconOvercast podcast player iconGoodpods podcast player iconPocketCasts podcast player iconPodverse podcast player iconPodurama podcast player iconPodimo podcast player iconPodyssey podcast player iconYouTube podcast player iconYoutube Music podcast player icon

Madelaine Weiss has focused her career on helping both parents and children navigate in a most productive way the challenges of life. Parental burnout is a symptom that many parents experience and the results can be very traumatic and formative on their children and their futures.
She will discuss her insights into the solutions for parents to help their children to have the best chance for a great life.
She offers a free strategy session to listeners.
https://madelaineweiss.com

Inspire Vision Podcast is broadcast on K4HD Radio (www.k4hd.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com).

Inspire Vision Podcast TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).

Inspire Vision Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.

WEBVTT

1
00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.599
This program is designed to provide general information with regards

2
00:00:04.639 --> 00:00:07.599
to the subject matters covered. This information is given with

3
00:00:07.639 --> 00:00:12.000
the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station

4
00:00:12.240 --> 00:00:17.399
are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,

5
00:00:17.800 --> 00:00:21.600
legal counseling, professional service, or any advice.

6
00:00:21.960 --> 00:00:24.039
You should seek the services.

7
00:00:23.480 --> 00:00:29.960
Of competent professionals before applying or trying any suggested ideas.

8
00:00:31.160 --> 00:00:33.079
At the end of the day, it's not about what

9
00:00:33.159 --> 00:00:36.439
you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what

10
00:00:36.479 --> 00:00:40.039
you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up,

11
00:00:40.399 --> 00:00:43.640
who you've made better. It's about what you've given back.

12
00:00:44.240 --> 00:00:48.719
Denzel Washington, Welcome to Inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is

13
00:00:48.759 --> 00:00:51.439
to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you

14
00:00:51.520 --> 00:00:52.159
to do the same.

15
00:00:54.799 --> 00:00:57.240
Madeleine Weiss, Welcome to the show.

16
00:00:57.759 --> 00:00:59.759
Oh thank you. I'm delighted to be here.

17
00:01:00.200 --> 00:01:02.159
Well, I'm glad to have you here.

18
00:01:02.759 --> 00:01:05.439
I'd love for you to share with the audience kind

19
00:01:05.439 --> 00:01:07.959
of who you are, your background, and I think that's

20
00:01:07.959 --> 00:01:11.280
important for them to understand. But also where did you

21
00:01:11.480 --> 00:01:13.640
What was the path and the journey you went on

22
00:01:13.959 --> 00:01:16.760
in order to bring you to this point, because it's certainly,

23
00:01:17.200 --> 00:01:19.319
I think a little bit different than one would have

24
00:01:19.400 --> 00:01:21.079
expected based on your background.

25
00:01:22.840 --> 00:01:28.519
Yeah, there is a story. So the short of it is,

26
00:01:29.760 --> 00:01:35.799
I help busy people master their minds so they can

27
00:01:35.879 --> 00:01:44.799
live happier, healthier, prosperous and productive lives. I'm a Harvard

28
00:01:44.920 --> 00:01:51.599
trained licensed psycho therapist, board certified executive life and career coach,

29
00:01:52.280 --> 00:01:58.439
mindset expert, and so on. You want to know how

30
00:01:58.480 --> 00:01:59.359
I got here?

31
00:01:59.599 --> 00:02:02.719
Yeah, yeah, what's the journey?

32
00:02:03.760 --> 00:02:06.799
All right? Who knows what you come onto the planet with.

33
00:02:07.799 --> 00:02:11.319
We'll start there, okay. But I do have a story

34
00:02:12.240 --> 00:02:16.240
that I think played a big part in who I

35
00:02:16.240 --> 00:02:19.840
am and where I am and what I contribute today,

36
00:02:20.479 --> 00:02:25.719
and that is you know the little children's book Madeline.

37
00:02:26.000 --> 00:02:28.439
I've heard of it, not read it, heard of it.

38
00:02:28.520 --> 00:02:32.439
Yes, probably a lot of your listeners know about it.

39
00:02:33.000 --> 00:02:35.479
So there's this little book Madeline, And there's a little

40
00:02:35.520 --> 00:02:38.000
passage in the book, and it's she was not afraid

41
00:02:38.039 --> 00:02:40.919
of mice. She loved winter, snow and ice. To the

42
00:02:40.960 --> 00:02:45.159
tiger in the zoo, Madeline just said poo pooh. And

43
00:02:45.280 --> 00:02:50.439
so did I too many times to my dad, so

44
00:02:50.800 --> 00:02:56.439
that I was like a pretty feisty, mouthy little girl. Yeah,

45
00:02:56.520 --> 00:02:58.719
I don't know, if I don't know if you can tell.

46
00:02:58.960 --> 00:03:04.520
But when he was forty two and I was fifteen,

47
00:03:05.560 --> 00:03:09.319
he died suddenly and the doctor said it was a

48
00:03:09.360 --> 00:03:14.759
cerebral hemorrhage. And I went for years because people didn't

49
00:03:14.919 --> 00:03:17.240
talk to their children, or at least in my part

50
00:03:17.280 --> 00:03:20.400
of the world back in the day, the way we

51
00:03:20.479 --> 00:03:23.599
do now about their feelings and how they're interpreting their

52
00:03:23.639 --> 00:03:27.000
experience and all that good stuff, And so I was

53
00:03:27.120 --> 00:03:29.719
left to my own devices. And I figured that I

54
00:03:30.280 --> 00:03:32.120
was such a pain in that, you know what, that

55
00:03:33.400 --> 00:03:37.560
he died of me. And there was this moment in

56
00:03:37.599 --> 00:03:41.319
the cemetery when I finally broke down with my mother

57
00:03:41.439 --> 00:03:45.599
about how all my fault it was, and she said, no, honey,

58
00:03:45.759 --> 00:03:53.319
it wasn't you. It was work. So no surprise. I'm

59
00:03:53.960 --> 00:03:58.080
in my life if I can help one little boy

60
00:03:58.159 --> 00:04:01.840
or girl's mommy or daddy, or anybody at all for

61
00:04:01.960 --> 00:04:08.639
that matter, you know, get to those happier, healthier, prosperous,

62
00:04:08.639 --> 00:04:12.560
productive lives. I'm then, and.

63
00:04:12.479 --> 00:04:14.319
You've written a couple of books, Can you share with

64
00:04:14.360 --> 00:04:16.560
the audience what they are and what the focus is,

65
00:04:16.600 --> 00:04:18.720
because they're different focuses, aren't they.

66
00:04:20.600 --> 00:04:26.199
Yes and no no okay, no, yes, yes, yes, and

67
00:04:26.319 --> 00:04:32.240
also no okay. So this is the first one getting

68
00:04:32.319 --> 00:04:36.199
a great and this is for adults. And one day

69
00:04:36.319 --> 00:04:40.079
I said to myself, you know, all of my clients

70
00:04:40.199 --> 00:04:46.000
are so different from each other, age, occupation, ethnicity, whatever

71
00:04:46.279 --> 00:04:52.000
you name it. And also my training background is so varied,

72
00:04:53.560 --> 00:04:56.000
so there's no telling which tool I'm pulling out of

73
00:04:56.000 --> 00:04:58.800
the toolkit at any given time with anybody. So I

74
00:04:58.879 --> 00:05:02.240
just said, you know, like, these these people are doing, well,

75
00:05:02.360 --> 00:05:06.560
what are we doing here? I've got intensely curious about

76
00:05:06.800 --> 00:05:12.040
because I don't follow anybody's playbooks. It's an art and

77
00:05:12.120 --> 00:05:16.560
a science in the way that I practice, and it's

78
00:05:16.680 --> 00:05:20.920
very organic and interactive. So it's like, what's happening here

79
00:05:20.959 --> 00:05:24.120
that's working? What is the common denominator? I wanted to know,

80
00:05:24.639 --> 00:05:28.560
was there something that applied to all that was helping

81
00:05:28.600 --> 00:05:31.800
them get from men in their lives to really feeling

82
00:05:31.839 --> 00:05:35.360
great about their lives. And came I laid all my

83
00:05:35.839 --> 00:05:39.920
boulders out looking at them, you know, and I came

84
00:05:40.040 --> 00:05:44.319
up with this five step process. And that's what the

85
00:05:44.360 --> 00:05:51.120
first book is, this five step strategy for work and

86
00:05:51.319 --> 00:05:57.959
life the reason and this launched November nineteenth.

87
00:06:00.079 --> 00:06:03.759
Pretty yeah, what's your story?

88
00:06:03.839 --> 00:06:06.480
So the reason I said to you yes and no

89
00:06:07.759 --> 00:06:13.160
is because this was for the adults. But I kept

90
00:06:13.160 --> 00:06:16.399
hearing adults saying to me, why did somebody teach me

91
00:06:16.439 --> 00:06:18.439
this when I was younger? It could have spared me

92
00:06:18.800 --> 00:06:21.480
from hitting the wall a few times by the time

93
00:06:21.519 --> 00:06:24.120
I got to I don't know, thirty forty fifty, whatever

94
00:06:24.199 --> 00:06:27.560
it was, and making myself and everybody around me miserable

95
00:06:27.639 --> 00:06:31.639
and the process. If only I had known just a

96
00:06:31.680 --> 00:06:35.160
few simple things that can make all the difference in

97
00:06:35.199 --> 00:06:37.959
the world. And I thought, you know, that's so true.

98
00:06:38.639 --> 00:06:42.240
And sometimes I'll work with my clients on their parenting.

99
00:06:43.759 --> 00:06:47.800
Not that not that I niche ever in that area,

100
00:06:48.360 --> 00:06:50.480
but it was just it just sort of came to

101
00:06:50.519 --> 00:06:52.879
be that, you know, they'll talk to me about their

102
00:06:52.959 --> 00:06:55.279
children and I'll come up with a couple of ideas

103
00:06:55.279 --> 00:06:59.399
for them that work like magic. And so I thought,

104
00:06:59.680 --> 00:07:03.480
I really have to, I have to do one for kids.

105
00:07:04.000 --> 00:07:08.439
So I did. So the message is very similar, really,

106
00:07:08.879 --> 00:07:13.079
but one is packaged for adults and one is packaged

107
00:07:13.120 --> 00:07:13.639
for kids.

108
00:07:13.959 --> 00:07:16.879
Okay, And you know, one of the things that I

109
00:07:16.959 --> 00:07:20.040
found fascinating and I thought would be an interesting thing

110
00:07:20.079 --> 00:07:23.600
to talk about a bit, was this what you call

111
00:07:23.759 --> 00:07:24.839
parental burnout?

112
00:07:25.560 --> 00:07:28.759
And you know, what I have found is.

113
00:07:28.560 --> 00:07:32.079
That as I've done so many podcasts, studied and research

114
00:07:32.160 --> 00:07:35.120
and all of these type of things, that as children,

115
00:07:35.480 --> 00:07:38.319
you know, they have their own perception and as parents,

116
00:07:38.480 --> 00:07:41.319
we might we might say something that we think is

117
00:07:41.399 --> 00:07:44.600
just loving and kind, and their perception is we're saying.

118
00:07:44.360 --> 00:07:47.600
They're no good. You know, they all of that type

119
00:07:47.600 --> 00:07:47.959
of thing.

120
00:07:48.240 --> 00:07:54.560
And I have found that parents really struggle. And you know,

121
00:07:54.759 --> 00:07:58.839
sometimes there's those parents that are really consciously working hard

122
00:07:59.319 --> 00:08:02.560
with their kids, and then there are other parents, unfortunately,

123
00:08:02.720 --> 00:08:04.839
that are so busy at work that they're kind of

124
00:08:04.839 --> 00:08:08.120
ignoring that whole situation even though they have the kids.

125
00:08:08.680 --> 00:08:15.120
So let's talk about both what can parents do to

126
00:08:15.279 --> 00:08:20.160
help their children to have a healthier mindset, a healthier

127
00:08:20.199 --> 00:08:23.920
experience so that they don't have all those subconscious imprints

128
00:08:24.000 --> 00:08:27.439
later on in life. Number one question and number two

129
00:08:27.519 --> 00:08:30.399
question is, then how do we help parents who are

130
00:08:30.439 --> 00:08:35.159
experiencing burnout because their kids are difficult?

131
00:08:36.240 --> 00:08:41.840
Okay, great, great, great questions. First of all, there's a

132
00:08:41.919 --> 00:08:49.759
study to support what you're saying. I forget how many kids.

133
00:08:49.799 --> 00:08:53.440
They asked if there was one person that you could

134
00:08:53.440 --> 00:08:57.360
think of. I think it might have even included fictional characters.

135
00:08:57.360 --> 00:09:00.559
I don't know, but who would you want to, like

136
00:09:00.639 --> 00:09:04.120
have dinner with or whatever it was. And all of

137
00:09:04.159 --> 00:09:09.399
them were saying their parents. They yearned to be with

138
00:09:09.440 --> 00:09:13.519
their parent, And it tells you something about what the

139
00:09:13.559 --> 00:09:17.440
availability is parental burnout. I have a definition. Puild a

140
00:09:17.440 --> 00:09:22.759
bunch of stuff for you is defined by Psychologicalscience dot

141
00:09:22.879 --> 00:09:29.679
org as an intense exhaustion that leads parents to feel detached.

142
00:09:30.519 --> 00:09:34.360
Keyword detached. I'm coming back to that, detached from their

143
00:09:34.480 --> 00:09:39.120
children and unsure of their parenting abilities. It's actually more

144
00:09:39.159 --> 00:09:43.480
than that they feel in general. I had a client

145
00:09:43.559 --> 00:09:48.240
yesterday who described it like so vividly detached from everything.

146
00:09:49.399 --> 00:09:56.279
So you have like seventy five percent working parents, and

147
00:09:56.320 --> 00:10:00.679
I you know, I asked the Human Resource Association, do

148
00:10:00.759 --> 00:10:05.480
you say working parents now? Because parenting is pretty important work.

149
00:10:05.720 --> 00:10:08.279
So how do you say that? So anybody who's having

150
00:10:08.320 --> 00:10:11.000
a problem with that, I don't know how else to

151
00:10:11.039 --> 00:10:14.159
say it. They couldn't tell me, So I'm gonna say

152
00:10:14.600 --> 00:10:18.279
or working parents. Okay, So seventy five percent of them

153
00:10:18.360 --> 00:10:23.080
say that their children's mental health is their primary concern,

154
00:10:23.759 --> 00:10:26.399
which means that when they're at work, they're having trouble

155
00:10:26.440 --> 00:10:32.919
focusing pretty much on anything because there's this overwhelming feeling

156
00:10:33.320 --> 00:10:38.399
of no matter what they're doing, it's not good enough anywhere.

157
00:10:39.120 --> 00:10:43.279
And to a degree they're not wrong about that because

158
00:10:43.279 --> 00:10:48.360
they're so detached everywhere. Yeah, so, which part of your

159
00:10:48.360 --> 00:10:50.279
many wonderful questions did I not answer?

160
00:10:50.799 --> 00:10:53.879
Well, you know, the parental burnout, and then and then

161
00:10:54.200 --> 00:10:58.840
also what it is, but how do you help? How

162
00:10:58.879 --> 00:11:01.799
do you help the the people that are burned out,

163
00:11:02.039 --> 00:11:05.519
how do you help them to really become that good parent?

164
00:11:05.679 --> 00:11:08.320
And then for those that are not quite so burned

165
00:11:08.360 --> 00:11:11.679
out and really focused on helping again, how do they

166
00:11:12.200 --> 00:11:15.759
make sure that the perception of their children is such.

167
00:11:16.000 --> 00:11:17.480
That is actually.

168
00:11:18.519 --> 00:11:22.720
True with what the parent is seeking to teach them

169
00:11:23.039 --> 00:11:25.440
or trying to say or trying to communicate.

170
00:11:26.840 --> 00:11:29.039
I'm going to tell it in a story. So there's

171
00:11:29.159 --> 00:11:33.759
this woman. She works for the treasury, and she travels

172
00:11:33.799 --> 00:11:38.159
a lot, and she has a four year old, and

173
00:11:38.320 --> 00:11:41.480
every time she's about to leave on her trip, the

174
00:11:41.559 --> 00:11:47.000
four year old has a meltdown. And this very good

175
00:11:47.080 --> 00:11:51.320
woman who means well certainly by her child and is

176
00:11:51.440 --> 00:11:56.440
just trying to do everything well. She'll say to him

177
00:11:56.639 --> 00:12:01.919
things like it's okay, Daddy will be here. You know,

178
00:12:02.000 --> 00:12:05.679
she tries to comfort the child, Daddy will be here.

179
00:12:06.080 --> 00:12:09.159
I'll only be gone for two days and then I'll

180
00:12:09.200 --> 00:12:11.320
be home and we'll do this and this and this

181
00:12:11.399 --> 00:12:14.759
and so what she did, she tries to cheer him up.

182
00:12:15.399 --> 00:12:20.279
And even though her intentions, you know, are so good,

183
00:12:22.039 --> 00:12:25.480
what she's doing is she's leaving the child alone with

184
00:12:25.639 --> 00:12:30.960
his feelings. So when he grows up to be an adult,

185
00:12:31.399 --> 00:12:34.440
if that continued, which it's not going to because I

186
00:12:34.519 --> 00:12:37.639
had my way with her, and I'll tell you and

187
00:12:37.720 --> 00:12:41.399
I'll tell you what that is. But had she continued

188
00:12:41.440 --> 00:12:43.480
to do that as an adult, he would have a

189
00:12:43.600 --> 00:12:47.799
very hard time navigating his own life because he wouldn't

190
00:12:47.840 --> 00:12:51.720
have any inner guidance that he could trust. Because when

191
00:12:51.720 --> 00:12:56.080
he presented his feelings to his mother, she told him

192
00:12:56.080 --> 00:13:01.519
why he should not feel that way. So that and

193
00:13:02.639 --> 00:13:07.120
if listeners, take one thing, take this. The tip is

194
00:13:07.799 --> 00:13:12.120
you know, there's right brain, left brain. It's oversimplified, but

195
00:13:12.279 --> 00:13:14.600
it's useful to do so for things like this. So

196
00:13:16.279 --> 00:13:18.480
he's having a right The kid is having a right

197
00:13:18.519 --> 00:13:24.759
brain meltdown. He's all emotion, he's not thinking straight. He

198
00:13:24.759 --> 00:13:28.080
can't even hear what she's saying. She's trying to talk

199
00:13:28.240 --> 00:13:31.399
reason and logic to him. He can't. He can't hear it,

200
00:13:31.679 --> 00:13:34.039
and if he can hear it, he can't process it

201
00:13:34.360 --> 00:13:38.759
because he's in a different place. So with what she

202
00:13:39.000 --> 00:13:42.639
needed to do was before she told him why it's

203
00:13:42.679 --> 00:13:44.559
going to be all right and he shouldn't have the

204
00:13:44.559 --> 00:13:49.519
feelings that he's having, she acknowledged those feelings. I know

205
00:13:49.600 --> 00:13:56.200
it sounds really simple, but it's not instinctive. Somehow parents

206
00:13:56.600 --> 00:13:59.240
want the kid not to feel bad, and so they

207
00:13:59.279 --> 00:14:02.320
try to fix it. But what she started to do

208
00:14:03.000 --> 00:14:05.840
was she started to say things to him like, I

209
00:14:05.919 --> 00:14:09.120
know this is always hard for you when mommy goes away.

210
00:14:09.720 --> 00:14:12.120
You feel whatever it is he said he felt, and

211
00:14:12.279 --> 00:14:14.639
she really acknowledged that. And it got to the point

212
00:14:14.679 --> 00:14:16.799
where the kids said to her, and I'm laughing because

213
00:14:16.840 --> 00:14:20.600
I think it's so funny. The kids said to her, go, okay, fine,

214
00:14:20.639 --> 00:14:26.320
good go because he got what he needed. He needed

215
00:14:26.360 --> 00:14:29.679
to have his feelings acknowledged. He needed to know his

216
00:14:29.759 --> 00:14:32.600
feelings were okay, and he needed to know that he

217
00:14:32.720 --> 00:14:36.399
was not alone in those feelings. Yes, there was somebody

218
00:14:36.840 --> 00:14:38.320
who got it well.

219
00:14:38.360 --> 00:14:39.639
And you know, as you bring that up, and you

220
00:14:39.679 --> 00:14:42.320
bring up left brain right right. And I'm very fascinated

221
00:14:42.360 --> 00:14:46.039
by personality behavioral profiles, and I'm actually certified in one

222
00:14:46.039 --> 00:14:49.120
particular one. But the way that I got interested in

223
00:14:49.120 --> 00:14:52.120
that was years ago. I had two of my boys,

224
00:14:52.200 --> 00:14:54.960
One was a senior and one was a sophomore in

225
00:14:55.000 --> 00:14:58.679
high school and they were fighting like crazy.

226
00:14:59.039 --> 00:14:59.840
And I was in a.

227
00:15:00.080 --> 00:15:02.799
I was in a group, a networking group, and they

228
00:15:02.879 --> 00:15:06.559
had invited this gentleman in and he talked about personalities

229
00:15:07.159 --> 00:15:11.399
and he had created his own personality program and so forth,

230
00:15:11.480 --> 00:15:14.759
and I found it fascinating, and so I had both

231
00:15:14.799 --> 00:15:15.919
of my boys.

232
00:15:15.879 --> 00:15:19.559
Go through a program with him. And here's what we discovered.

233
00:15:20.039 --> 00:15:24.000
The younger son right brain, now right brain, left brain,

234
00:15:24.039 --> 00:15:27.879
but very much focused right brain. The other son very

235
00:15:28.000 --> 00:15:30.480
left brain. And so the left brain son would be

236
00:15:30.519 --> 00:15:34.120
talking to him very strongly and so forth, and you know,

237
00:15:34.879 --> 00:15:37.200
the emotions and the sense that the other son was

238
00:15:37.200 --> 00:15:40.879
getting was really tough. They went through this program, they

239
00:15:40.919 --> 00:15:44.960
started to understand that, and they became best friends, and

240
00:15:45.080 --> 00:15:47.679
to this day they are still best friends.

241
00:15:48.120 --> 00:15:50.840
Yeah, and I think you.

242
00:15:50.840 --> 00:15:54.000
Bring up an important point because so often, as parents

243
00:15:54.559 --> 00:15:57.600
number one, we don't even have a clue as to

244
00:15:57.840 --> 00:15:59.399
this whole concept.

245
00:15:58.879 --> 00:15:59.960
Of right brain left brain.

246
00:16:00.360 --> 00:16:03.159
And obviously there are other elements to that, but as

247
00:16:03.159 --> 00:16:07.039
you say, to keep it simple, if a right brain

248
00:16:07.399 --> 00:16:13.480
parent is speaking to a left brain child, the brain child.

249
00:16:13.279 --> 00:16:16.639
Is going to go any just give me the data, okay.

250
00:16:17.159 --> 00:16:20.039
And if the left brain parent is talking to the

251
00:16:20.120 --> 00:16:23.960
right brain child, they have no idea how that child

252
00:16:24.039 --> 00:16:24.639
is perceiving.

253
00:16:24.679 --> 00:16:26.360
In fact, I had to finally sit down with.

254
00:16:26.279 --> 00:16:30.000
My kids and say, look, you guys, here's the bottom line.

255
00:16:31.159 --> 00:16:33.200
I have a tendency, because I'm very left brain, I

256
00:16:33.200 --> 00:16:36.159
have a tendency to just give my opinion a lot,

257
00:16:36.720 --> 00:16:40.320
and oftentimes you're going to interpret that as a criticism.

258
00:16:40.679 --> 00:16:45.120
So when we're talking, if you want me just to listen,

259
00:16:45.600 --> 00:16:48.519
tell me, oh dad, I just want you to listen.

260
00:16:49.279 --> 00:16:53.399
If you want my opinion, then say dad, I would

261
00:16:53.480 --> 00:16:54.200
like your opinion.

262
00:16:54.720 --> 00:16:55.480
And I found that.

263
00:16:55.519 --> 00:16:58.320
Once we started doing that, it made all the difference

264
00:16:58.399 --> 00:16:59.600
in the world for them.

265
00:17:00.639 --> 00:17:02.679
And how much does that apply to couples?

266
00:17:03.240 --> 00:17:06.440
Oh well, yeah, it applies to everybody.

267
00:17:06.680 --> 00:17:09.559
And that's why I got into this whole behavioral thing

268
00:17:09.640 --> 00:17:14.799
because it is so applicable that people understand number one,

269
00:17:15.039 --> 00:17:17.400
who the other person is, how do they want to

270
00:17:17.440 --> 00:17:20.720
be communicated with, what are the words that you need

271
00:17:20.759 --> 00:17:24.400
to avoid? And all of a sudden, if someone were

272
00:17:24.480 --> 00:17:28.960
to actually take the time to really develop that mindset

273
00:17:29.319 --> 00:17:32.240
of going, Okay, I'm going to communicate with this person

274
00:17:32.319 --> 00:17:36.279
in the correct way, and then as they communicate, back

275
00:17:36.519 --> 00:17:39.400
listen and make sure that you're really understanding what each

276
00:17:39.440 --> 00:17:40.119
other is saying.

277
00:17:40.480 --> 00:17:42.400
I think that makes the whole difference.

278
00:17:43.039 --> 00:17:48.680
That, Yeah, what a great, great story you just told

279
00:17:49.319 --> 00:17:52.799
about your kids. For your kids and for everybody listening.

280
00:17:53.039 --> 00:17:57.200
That was I have stuff in this book on the

281
00:17:57.240 --> 00:18:00.640
brain for kids. I worded that down a little bit.

282
00:18:05.680 --> 00:18:09.839
Uh Okay, there you go, and for your folks just listening,

283
00:18:09.960 --> 00:18:10.759
picture of the brain.

284
00:18:12.039 --> 00:18:15.720
And then yeah, and then the whole back of the

285
00:18:15.799 --> 00:18:26.559
book is activities like scenarios that happened for kids and

286
00:18:26.599 --> 00:18:32.160
they can apply the techniques to the scenarios and write

287
00:18:32.160 --> 00:18:33.160
a story about it.

288
00:18:34.079 --> 00:18:36.559
So that's yeah, yeah.

289
00:18:36.400 --> 00:18:39.960
And you know, it's interesting, as we talk about perceptions,

290
00:18:40.000 --> 00:18:42.559
we talk about life, then.

291
00:18:42.519 --> 00:18:44.039
Stress really comes into it.

292
00:18:44.119 --> 00:18:47.640
And I have observed so many people that are experiencing

293
00:18:47.759 --> 00:18:52.680
such stress and anxiety in their lives, and based.

294
00:18:52.400 --> 00:18:55.799
On your experience, does it really begin in childhood?

295
00:18:56.000 --> 00:19:00.519
And how can we as parents prevent that from being

296
00:19:00.559 --> 00:19:04.759
as strong as it happens? And number two, how do

297
00:19:04.839 --> 00:19:07.839
we help people who are experiencing that high stress, that

298
00:19:07.920 --> 00:19:12.599
anxiety to overcome that and to really reach a much

299
00:19:12.599 --> 00:19:17.000
more subtle, peaceful type of existence in their minds?

300
00:19:17.680 --> 00:19:20.839
A couple of things on that. So we're talking about soothing,

301
00:19:21.720 --> 00:19:29.400
self soothing, which does begin we know right in early childhood.

302
00:19:29.920 --> 00:19:34.359
If things go well, the child learns how to self

303
00:19:34.440 --> 00:19:40.519
soothe from being provided the proper environment. But the thing

304
00:19:40.559 --> 00:19:43.279
that I want to say without getting too technical, that

305
00:19:43.359 --> 00:19:45.720
I think is really important, and it came up with

306
00:19:45.839 --> 00:19:49.960
a client yesterday who's a new mom. She just bought

307
00:19:50.000 --> 00:19:53.240
a new house, she had a new job. She's stressed

308
00:19:53.759 --> 00:19:57.720
to the max, she's exhausted, and it's sort of like

309
00:19:57.839 --> 00:20:04.359
wearing like dirty gray colored glasses. Like everything everything is

310
00:20:04.519 --> 00:20:08.240
like lost on her right now. And we were she

311
00:20:08.680 --> 00:20:16.400
started saying things like she you know, exercised, nutrition, sleep, journaling.

312
00:20:16.720 --> 00:20:20.559
She brought all these things up and she said this

313
00:20:20.839 --> 00:20:25.160
which maybe some of your listeners could resonate with. She said,

314
00:20:26.039 --> 00:20:29.279
I just feel so selfish. She said, there's something about

315
00:20:29.480 --> 00:20:35.519
all this, you know, like self care that almost disgusted

316
00:20:35.519 --> 00:20:39.559
her in a way interesting because because she has all

317
00:20:39.599 --> 00:20:45.480
this responsibility and who is she to be thinking about herself?

318
00:20:46.640 --> 00:20:55.000
And I turned that around with her by saying that

319
00:20:55.200 --> 00:20:59.640
it wasn't just her right but also her responsibility. And

320
00:20:59.720 --> 00:21:03.519
you know, so that there's a well worn analogy about

321
00:21:03.559 --> 00:21:05.319
when you're on the airplane, you have to put the

322
00:21:05.359 --> 00:21:09.880
mask on your own face first, otherwise you're fainted on

323
00:21:09.920 --> 00:21:11.759
the floor, and you know, good to anybody if you

324
00:21:11.799 --> 00:21:16.839
don't have any oxygen, and trying to really help her

325
00:21:17.599 --> 00:21:21.440
frame it, and that's the thing with the mind makes

326
00:21:21.519 --> 00:21:25.839
up stories, it frames things, and we have to be

327
00:21:25.960 --> 00:21:29.160
more in charge of it than it is in charge

328
00:21:29.200 --> 00:21:32.200
of us. Which is what I mean by mastering the mind,

329
00:21:32.559 --> 00:21:35.160
not that the mind doesn't do its thing, but that

330
00:21:35.240 --> 00:21:37.279
we're more in charge of it and it is in

331
00:21:37.400 --> 00:21:39.680
charge of us. And the idea was for her to

332
00:21:39.799 --> 00:21:46.440
reframe it that she could feel bad about herself if

333
00:21:46.440 --> 00:21:49.319
she didn't take care of herself, because she's got a

334
00:21:49.440 --> 00:21:52.480
boss who's counting on her, she's got a little kid

335
00:21:52.519 --> 00:21:55.440
who's counting on her, she has a husband, who's counting

336
00:21:55.480 --> 00:22:00.000
on her. She has an extended family who all needs

337
00:22:00.480 --> 00:22:03.680
for her to be well. So in a sense, that's

338
00:22:03.720 --> 00:22:11.319
the most important, necessary obligation she has. So this thing

339
00:22:11.359 --> 00:22:14.359
about it being selfish, just we just turned it on

340
00:22:14.480 --> 00:22:18.880
its head. It's a must do that. We take care

341
00:22:18.920 --> 00:22:21.960
of ourselves for all the people who are counting on us.

342
00:22:22.279 --> 00:22:25.359
Yeah, And I find so often we're so busy trying

343
00:22:25.400 --> 00:22:29.759
to do this, do that. And you know, I've gotten

344
00:22:29.799 --> 00:22:35.839
myself in trouble occasionally when I'm at church, okay, because

345
00:22:35.960 --> 00:22:38.039
so often they're talking about do do do do? And

346
00:22:38.079 --> 00:22:40.440
I know that that creates such stress, that creates such

347
00:22:40.640 --> 00:22:44.240
senses of guilt and so forth. And I'll say, and

348
00:22:44.519 --> 00:22:47.200
I apologize any listeners that don't believe the way I do.

349
00:22:47.279 --> 00:22:51.079
But I asked the question, did Christ do what he

350
00:22:51.160 --> 00:22:54.960
did so he could become Christ? Or did he do

351
00:22:55.000 --> 00:23:00.640
what he did because he was Christ? And you know,

352
00:23:00.960 --> 00:23:05.480
my point was we we can only do what we are,

353
00:23:06.200 --> 00:23:09.319
And when we truly, as you say, work on ourselves

354
00:23:09.680 --> 00:23:14.640
and really become that individual that we truly are, then

355
00:23:14.680 --> 00:23:18.200
that behavior automatically flows. And I think it changes the

356
00:23:18.240 --> 00:23:19.880
whole experience of our lives.

357
00:23:21.359 --> 00:23:24.359
Well, part of yes, indeed. And part of that five

358
00:23:24.400 --> 00:23:27.960
step process is the discovery of who we are and

359
00:23:28.000 --> 00:23:36.000
the quieter we become inside. So it's not only you know,

360
00:23:36.160 --> 00:23:39.519
how we extend ourselves doing doing doing on the outside,

361
00:23:39.920 --> 00:23:42.279
but there's a lot of noise on the inside, and

362
00:23:42.319 --> 00:23:49.599
the quieter we can make that, then the guidance the

363
00:23:49.640 --> 00:23:52.640
how to be who we are the best version of

364
00:23:52.680 --> 00:23:58.599
ourselves bubbles up. People talk about meaning and purpose like

365
00:23:58.640 --> 00:24:01.039
you have to dig for it. I don't think that.

366
00:24:01.599 --> 00:24:05.400
I believe that if we get quiet, it's there and

367
00:24:05.440 --> 00:24:08.319
we'll be able to feel it and see it and

368
00:24:08.400 --> 00:24:11.440
hear it absolutely.

369
00:24:11.640 --> 00:24:14.920
And I mean sometimes yeah, sometimes it's just that aha

370
00:24:15.039 --> 00:24:19.880
moment that hits you and it's like wow. But I

371
00:24:19.880 --> 00:24:22.599
think it only has you right, it only becomes as

372
00:24:22.680 --> 00:24:25.480
we are they're willing to listen to, contemplat and so forth.

373
00:24:25.519 --> 00:24:28.000
I know you have a lot of exercises in your

374
00:24:28.000 --> 00:24:32.720
book on how they can accomplish that. What are some

375
00:24:32.799 --> 00:24:33.759
of those examples?

376
00:24:35.160 --> 00:24:36.680
Which book are we talking about?

377
00:24:37.319 --> 00:24:39.880
You know what, I think it's great. I think it's

378
00:24:39.880 --> 00:24:40.680
getting too great.

379
00:24:41.319 --> 00:24:45.319
So it's talking about focus and release, power, breathing, those

380
00:24:45.359 --> 00:24:46.000
type of things.

381
00:24:47.000 --> 00:24:54.279
Well, for sure, the power breathing that little thirty second

382
00:24:54.400 --> 00:24:57.839
mindset reset. If I could think of like one thing

383
00:24:58.680 --> 00:25:01.200
that would have the most leverage, it's the most impact

384
00:25:02.480 --> 00:25:09.799
with the least effort. Let's it. It's that thirty second mindset.

385
00:25:10.119 --> 00:25:14.440
Reads it and on my website Matdaline moys dot com

386
00:25:14.480 --> 00:25:19.400
there's a tab at the top that says power Breathe

387
00:25:20.319 --> 00:25:25.599
and there's a one sheet PDF that can be downloaded

388
00:25:25.799 --> 00:25:29.599
or just read on there and it's free and anybody

389
00:25:29.680 --> 00:25:33.000
can go there and get that, and I highly recommend that.

390
00:25:33.160 --> 00:25:37.839
But I'm smiling because there's an exercise. So the Great

391
00:25:37.920 --> 00:25:42.039
Book has chapters segmented like I have one on time.

392
00:25:42.759 --> 00:25:46.640
Separate from that, I have one on money. Separate from that,

393
00:25:46.880 --> 00:25:50.880
there's you know, one on other people. And I'm laughing

394
00:25:50.920 --> 00:25:52.839
because when you asked that, I was thinking about the

395
00:25:52.920 --> 00:25:56.680
money one, which I can tell you about if you'd.

396
00:25:56.480 --> 00:25:59.359
Like, which oh, absolutely, absolutely.

397
00:25:59.480 --> 00:26:04.000
Okay, So I thought this was funny. So the exercise

398
00:26:04.559 --> 00:26:07.960
is that you imagine that you're like on the Doctor

399
00:26:08.000 --> 00:26:13.839
Phil show. So it's doctor Phil and it's you and

400
00:26:13.880 --> 00:26:16.759
it's your money. So you know how he might have

401
00:26:16.799 --> 00:26:19.880
a mother and a daughter or a couple and they're

402
00:26:19.920 --> 00:26:22.559
going at each other. So they're going at each other.

403
00:26:22.799 --> 00:26:26.440
Is you and your money are trying kind of like

404
00:26:26.440 --> 00:26:30.000
your sons were trying to learn how to understand each

405
00:26:30.000 --> 00:26:33.400
other so they could have a good a good relationship.

406
00:26:34.000 --> 00:26:40.359
So I did this exercise, and the money went first

407
00:26:41.640 --> 00:26:44.680
and talked about what it's like to be in a

408
00:26:44.720 --> 00:26:50.880
relationship with me. And this was years years ago I

409
00:26:50.920 --> 00:26:55.000
wrote the book. I think that was twenty twenty one.

410
00:26:55.319 --> 00:26:59.880
And anyway, so the money said to me, you don't

411
00:27:00.039 --> 00:27:04.920
appreciate me, you don't enjoy me, you don't acknowledge me.

412
00:27:05.519 --> 00:27:08.599
You just let me sit there. I just sit there.

413
00:27:08.839 --> 00:27:11.480
I'm here to serve you. I want to make you happy,

414
00:27:11.799 --> 00:27:15.000
I want to keep you healthy, and you ignore me

415
00:27:15.240 --> 00:27:18.279
and just let me sit there and don't do anything

416
00:27:18.279 --> 00:27:25.519
with me. Ever, I thought, and there was so much

417
00:27:25.640 --> 00:27:30.880
truth to that, and it is astounding to me that

418
00:27:30.960 --> 00:27:36.839
this funny little exercise actually changed my life because I

419
00:27:36.920 --> 00:27:44.960
related to my money from that moment on much more appreciatively,

420
00:27:46.279 --> 00:27:50.480
like spending more and enjoying it more instead of just

421
00:27:50.759 --> 00:27:55.240
sitting there like that. And it's so much better. And

422
00:27:55.279 --> 00:27:59.079
then somehow, believe it or not, it was like magic.

423
00:27:59.119 --> 00:28:02.839
I don't know how it grew and grew and grew,

424
00:28:03.559 --> 00:28:07.359
and I know it sounds ridiculous, but I really do

425
00:28:07.559 --> 00:28:12.240
attribute some of that to having this change of mindset

426
00:28:13.799 --> 00:28:18.079
more to abundance than scarcity. Is how the experts tend

427
00:28:18.079 --> 00:28:19.759
to talk about the money thing.

428
00:28:20.160 --> 00:28:22.400
Well, and you know, it really is interesting, you know,

429
00:28:22.720 --> 00:28:25.880
as we talk about the energy that comes out of us,

430
00:28:26.119 --> 00:28:29.279
and as you say, if we can change that energy

431
00:28:29.319 --> 00:28:33.200
with the mindset from the lack of and the scarcity

432
00:28:33.240 --> 00:28:37.400
to abundance, we attract that the energy attracts it. And

433
00:28:37.440 --> 00:28:41.799
I know that scientifically they have proven this, which is

434
00:28:41.920 --> 00:28:46.319
which is just amazing to me that they're able to. Yeah,

435
00:28:46.559 --> 00:28:48.720
and I love where you talk about the power breathing.

436
00:28:49.039 --> 00:28:52.960
It's interesting I have. I've interviewed so many people and

437
00:28:53.160 --> 00:28:57.319
each one of them have talked about a different model

438
00:28:57.720 --> 00:28:59.680
of breathing. You know, a lot of it has to

439
00:28:59.680 --> 00:29:02.559
do with meditation and so forth. But you know you're

440
00:29:02.599 --> 00:29:05.559
talking about one then, the power breathing type of situation.

441
00:29:06.680 --> 00:29:08.440
No, I'm talking thirty seconds, oh.

442
00:29:08.400 --> 00:29:13.160
Thirty seconds, Okay, thirty seconds, and so what is that

443
00:29:13.279 --> 00:29:17.039
for you? I'm curious of what is the power breathing

444
00:29:17.119 --> 00:29:17.480
to you?

445
00:29:19.519 --> 00:29:21.759
I'm not sure that what do you mean by the

446
00:29:21.839 --> 00:29:22.920
question do you mean.

447
00:29:22.759 --> 00:29:26.160
You show me power breathing? Yeah, show me how you

448
00:29:26.200 --> 00:29:26.519
do it?

449
00:29:28.599 --> 00:29:32.559
Go sit up nice and straight, feet flat on the ground,

450
00:29:33.880 --> 00:29:36.839
top of the head parallel with the skytch and tucked

451
00:29:36.880 --> 00:29:41.599
in slightly. And the magic of this is going to

452
00:29:41.720 --> 00:29:46.880
be that typically, especially anxious breathing, when we breathe, we

453
00:29:46.960 --> 00:29:52.559
fill the lungs. So this is diafragmatic breathing. Like the

454
00:29:52.559 --> 00:29:58.680
singers Doll think, you fill the stomach instead of the lungs,

455
00:29:58.839 --> 00:30:04.240
which is not natural for adults. I think maybe babies did,

456
00:30:04.400 --> 00:30:11.000
but somehow we are grew the naturalness of filling the

457
00:30:11.039 --> 00:30:13.839
belly instead of the lungs. When you fill the belly

458
00:30:14.559 --> 00:30:19.200
instead of the lungs, you activate the polybagal nerve, which

459
00:30:19.319 --> 00:30:23.720
goes from the abdominal area up to the brain. And

460
00:30:24.119 --> 00:30:28.400
it is not only calling, but it takes you out

461
00:30:28.440 --> 00:30:32.319
of fight flight, takes you out of sympathetic into parasympathetic,

462
00:30:32.680 --> 00:30:36.200
which is more calming. But importantly, because people worry if

463
00:30:36.200 --> 00:30:40.720
they get calm, they'll get dull, So I want to

464
00:30:40.720 --> 00:30:45.839
be very clear here that it's about clarity. So what

465
00:30:45.880 --> 00:30:50.359
it does is it kicks things upstairs to the higher brain,

466
00:30:51.920 --> 00:30:59.440
where you're much clearer and smarter, and that takes thirty seconds.

467
00:31:00.519 --> 00:31:06.000
I like to advise, and I've consulted with medical people

468
00:31:06.039 --> 00:31:08.759
on this. I like to advise in through the nose

469
00:31:08.839 --> 00:31:11.200
and out through the nose. I know a lot of

470
00:31:11.240 --> 00:31:14.920
people prefer in through the nose and out through the mouth,

471
00:31:16.799 --> 00:31:21.400
and that I understand is good for energizing. But when

472
00:31:21.400 --> 00:31:26.720
we're trying to get focused and clarity, I was told

473
00:31:26.720 --> 00:31:29.319
that in through the nose and out through the nose.

474
00:31:29.440 --> 00:31:33.359
So we're going to do that, and we're going to

475
00:31:33.640 --> 00:31:39.359
belly out on the in breath and belly in on

476
00:31:39.440 --> 00:31:42.000
the outbreath before we do it. Try that once.

477
00:31:44.359 --> 00:31:47.519
Well and interesting, And I'm just going to bring this up.

478
00:31:47.599 --> 00:31:50.119
My dad was a classical voice teacher, taught at north

479
00:31:50.160 --> 00:31:55.440
Western University in the Chicago area, and he would teach

480
00:31:55.559 --> 00:31:58.279
us and none of us kids really ever saying. A

481
00:31:58.279 --> 00:32:01.079
couple of us saying, but nothing like his you know,

482
00:32:01.319 --> 00:32:05.119
his students. And when he taught us to breathe and singing,

483
00:32:05.640 --> 00:32:08.920
it was breathing and he referred to it as not

484
00:32:08.960 --> 00:32:10.359
only the stomach, but the back.

485
00:32:10.640 --> 00:32:14.480
So when I breathe in, I feel the back.

486
00:32:14.319 --> 00:32:18.720
Extend as well as the stomach, and that really makes

487
00:32:18.720 --> 00:32:21.039
a difference for me when I do that.

488
00:32:22.079 --> 00:32:25.480
I had not heard that, I didn't know that, but

489
00:32:25.720 --> 00:32:28.119
I just did it and I felt it, so thank you.

490
00:32:28.359 --> 00:32:31.960
And that's how the classical singers are taught to breathe.

491
00:32:32.160 --> 00:32:35.799
And I think that's where that power comes from when

492
00:32:35.839 --> 00:32:39.079
you hear those classical voices, which I think is amazing,

493
00:32:39.440 --> 00:32:42.079
but it fascinates me. So as they're doing it, they

494
00:32:42.160 --> 00:32:44.200
just do it for thirty seconds, so it's a number

495
00:32:44.240 --> 00:32:48.039
of breaths, just three for me that.

496
00:32:49.680 --> 00:32:52.599
I take three breaths and do you.

497
00:32:52.559 --> 00:32:54.279
Hold it at all? Do you hold it at all

498
00:32:54.279 --> 00:32:55.240
when you breathe in.

499
00:32:55.519 --> 00:32:57.880
Well, I know that there are people who do that,

500
00:32:58.079 --> 00:33:01.240
so they you know, in five out seven or something

501
00:33:01.599 --> 00:33:04.640
along those lines. I like to keep it really simple

502
00:33:04.680 --> 00:33:08.160
because I want people to do it a lot, so

503
00:33:08.480 --> 00:33:10.440
I don't want them to have to think about it.

504
00:33:10.920 --> 00:33:14.480
I want it to be natural without thinking or counting

505
00:33:14.599 --> 00:33:20.400
or anything. And those breaths are like really luxurious. I

506
00:33:20.519 --> 00:33:25.519
like to say that, really deep luxurious, like really enjoyed.

507
00:33:25.640 --> 00:33:28.079
You know. We take our you know, like like I

508
00:33:28.119 --> 00:33:30.839
took my money for granted, we take our breath for granted.

509
00:33:31.200 --> 00:33:33.759
Where would we be without it? For crying out loud. Right,

510
00:33:34.599 --> 00:33:38.640
So do you wanna do one or no?

511
00:33:38.640 --> 00:33:41.079
No, I think you've explained it well, and then hopefully

512
00:33:41.079 --> 00:33:43.319
the folks will do it. I tend to do it

513
00:33:43.319 --> 00:33:45.839
as I'm doing my walking meditation and so, you know,

514
00:33:46.160 --> 00:33:49.519
but I have to say I probably am not focusing

515
00:33:49.559 --> 00:33:54.519
on doing that lower abdomen back agreeth then, and I'm

516
00:33:54.519 --> 00:33:55.799
going to have to remember to do that.

517
00:33:57.000 --> 00:34:01.319
Once you start doing that again, it will become habit.

518
00:34:01.960 --> 00:34:05.920
Yes, yes, And so I have it in.

519
00:34:05.839 --> 00:34:06.960
The book for the kids.

520
00:34:07.680 --> 00:34:11.239
Do you really Yeah, let's talk. Let's talk about that

521
00:34:11.280 --> 00:34:11.960
book for a minute.

522
00:34:12.119 --> 00:34:14.880
Just kind of outline what your message is to the

523
00:34:14.960 --> 00:34:15.960
kids in that book.

524
00:34:17.559 --> 00:34:21.360
Well, I wanted the kids to know that the mind

525
00:34:21.440 --> 00:34:25.239
makes up stories for us to live in, and to

526
00:34:25.400 --> 00:34:28.719
know that is to help us to be able to

527
00:34:28.800 --> 00:34:36.360
team up with the brain to produce better stories. So again,

528
00:34:36.440 --> 00:34:40.960
it's this being being more in charge of what's happening

529
00:34:41.039 --> 00:34:44.480
in there that's directing our lives. I don't think little

530
00:34:44.559 --> 00:34:47.119
kids know. Well, you know, the thing was, I have

531
00:34:47.239 --> 00:34:52.880
this wonderful little eight year old granddaughter, and I was saying,

532
00:34:53.199 --> 00:34:55.480
at the beginning of writing this book, I said something

533
00:34:55.519 --> 00:35:00.920
about thinking is like having a conversation with your brain.

534
00:35:01.360 --> 00:35:04.440
And she said to me, oh my god, I do

535
00:35:04.559 --> 00:35:08.039
that all the time, and like she was letting out

536
00:35:08.079 --> 00:35:12.360
the secret about what she knew about what was going

537
00:35:12.400 --> 00:35:15.639
on in there. That the way she said it made

538
00:35:15.679 --> 00:35:19.320
me think that she wasn't sure that was okay. So

539
00:35:19.400 --> 00:35:24.519
this book tells kids, we're all doing that and to

540
00:35:24.719 --> 00:35:27.360
know it is to be able to do it better.

541
00:35:27.760 --> 00:35:29.760
And I think that would be the message.

542
00:35:30.360 --> 00:35:34.239
And are they mature enough at a young age to

543
00:35:34.360 --> 00:35:36.239
actually be able to start to do that?

544
00:35:37.719 --> 00:35:40.400
Well. She at the time we started discussing it, she's

545
00:35:40.400 --> 00:35:47.360
turning eight December seventeenth, but when we started discussing it,

546
00:35:47.360 --> 00:35:52.800
it was like January or something, so she was just seven.

547
00:35:55.320 --> 00:35:58.360
And she really Then she said to me, she must

548
00:35:58.360 --> 00:36:00.519
have been thinking about the conversation, because a couple of

549
00:36:00.559 --> 00:36:04.119
weeks later, she said, I have something to tell you.

550
00:36:05.039 --> 00:36:11.400
I said, of course, you know, she said, everything I'm

551
00:36:11.440 --> 00:36:15.760
thinking therese aren't. They're not all things that like really happened.

552
00:36:16.400 --> 00:36:19.079
A lot of them are things I wish would happen.

553
00:36:20.320 --> 00:36:25.840
And I said, and that's your imagination, and she didn't. Again,

554
00:36:25.920 --> 00:36:28.519
I had the feeling like she didn't know that that

555
00:36:28.880 --> 00:36:35.639
was normal. And great to be able to have that

556
00:36:35.760 --> 00:36:41.400
kind of mental activity. She was like, she was very

557
00:36:41.440 --> 00:36:43.239
private until she told me.

558
00:36:44.039 --> 00:36:47.199
You know, and what a difference it would make for

559
00:36:47.519 --> 00:36:52.119
our society if our young children could start at that

560
00:36:52.320 --> 00:36:54.599
point in time and recognize and I kind of use

561
00:36:54.679 --> 00:36:58.199
the example of the fact that they are not only

562
00:36:58.559 --> 00:37:01.679
the author, but they are the director of their own movie,

563
00:37:02.280 --> 00:37:09.000
their life, and they have the ability to create that

564
00:37:09.079 --> 00:37:11.199
movie in any direction.

565
00:37:10.920 --> 00:37:13.800
That they'd like it to go. And you know, and

566
00:37:13.920 --> 00:37:14.840
recognize that.

567
00:37:14.960 --> 00:37:17.360
You know, in any good movie, you have challenges that

568
00:37:17.440 --> 00:37:21.480
come up, but you also have that hero overcoming the challenges,

569
00:37:22.039 --> 00:37:24.039
and you know, for them to.

570
00:37:24.000 --> 00:37:26.599
Be able to do that graphic here.

571
00:37:26.440 --> 00:37:30.400
Okay, let's see it. For those that are watching the videos, I'm.

572
00:37:30.280 --> 00:37:34.320
Super what you just said.

573
00:37:34.920 --> 00:37:38.559
Oh wow, I love it.

574
00:37:38.079 --> 00:37:42.199
That was a Disney designer who did these. I'm crazy

575
00:37:43.679 --> 00:37:46.199
ye that they kept them nice and simple.

576
00:37:46.800 --> 00:37:49.920
Yeah, so what what a what a difference it would

577
00:37:49.960 --> 00:37:52.920
make because as we see what's going on right now

578
00:37:52.960 --> 00:37:56.960
in the society, the age, Oh, I know the adults too,

579
00:37:57.559 --> 00:37:59.960
you know, and and that's even harder for them because

580
00:38:00.159 --> 00:38:02.199
they've been living with us thing for so long.

581
00:38:02.800 --> 00:38:06.440
But you know, if you talk about starting a movement.

582
00:38:06.480 --> 00:38:08.559
If you talk about what you would like to actually

583
00:38:08.920 --> 00:38:12.599
accomplish in a movement, what would it be, because it

584
00:38:12.599 --> 00:38:19.239
sounds like you kind of have that mentality.

585
00:38:16.639 --> 00:38:21.679
It would be this. I'm actually taking this doing an

586
00:38:21.719 --> 00:38:29.239
after school program in January for DC kids. Two thirds

587
00:38:29.280 --> 00:38:33.519
of DC kids are reading below grade level, so we're

588
00:38:33.639 --> 00:38:38.400
putting this program together. It would be that they understand

589
00:38:39.719 --> 00:38:45.400
more about their inner and outer worlds and how to

590
00:38:45.599 --> 00:38:53.039
navigate them successfully in school. And there's a dad who's

591
00:38:53.079 --> 00:38:58.360
a VP finance. I did some webinars for them on

592
00:38:58.519 --> 00:39:02.159
purpose driven and men planning, and I mentioned I was

593
00:39:02.199 --> 00:39:04.440
writing the book for kids, and he said, oh my god,

594
00:39:04.480 --> 00:39:06.559
I have kids. You have to tell me when when

595
00:39:06.599 --> 00:39:09.119
it's out, blah blah blah. So I sent the arc

596
00:39:09.239 --> 00:39:12.639
the advanced review copied to him, and he did it

597
00:39:12.760 --> 00:39:17.280
over summer vacation with the kids. And the reason I'm

598
00:39:17.320 --> 00:39:20.559
saying and for the adults too, he said he had

599
00:39:20.599 --> 00:39:23.639
so much fun doing it with them, and he catches

600
00:39:23.800 --> 00:39:27.719
the kids when they're feeling stressed hower breathing. But the

601
00:39:27.760 --> 00:39:30.320
part I like the best, he said, And I have

602
00:39:30.519 --> 00:39:34.880
to admit I learned a few things myself. And now

603
00:39:34.960 --> 00:39:39.800
the kids call me out when they catch me reacting

604
00:39:40.039 --> 00:39:43.480
instead of responding, Oh, I love it.

605
00:39:45.840 --> 00:39:48.840
You know, our kids can be our best teachers sometimes,

606
00:39:48.880 --> 00:39:49.599
can't they.

607
00:39:50.079 --> 00:39:57.000
Oh yeah? Well, Actually, when my granddaughter read the introduction,

608
00:39:58.360 --> 00:40:01.159
she said to me, she said, you know, you could

609
00:40:01.199 --> 00:40:04.880
put a question right here. It could say something like,

610
00:40:05.280 --> 00:40:09.559
have you ever noticed you know, talking to your whatever?

611
00:40:10.039 --> 00:40:13.880
And I thought, oh my god, she's so right. Everybody

612
00:40:13.920 --> 00:40:15.599
knows you have to put a question in there. How

613
00:40:15.639 --> 00:40:15.960
come I.

614
00:40:18.280 --> 00:40:21.440
So so remind the audience about this book? Is it

615
00:40:21.480 --> 00:40:24.719
out or when's it coming out of it? And how

616
00:40:25.079 --> 00:40:25.880
do they find it?

617
00:40:26.960 --> 00:40:32.639
Okay, so it's what's your story? This is what it

618
00:40:32.679 --> 00:40:33.159
looks like.

619
00:40:33.519 --> 00:40:36.320
What's your story? And it's got a little boy there.

620
00:40:37.159 --> 00:40:39.079
Well that's too bad. You know. I tried to make

621
00:40:39.119 --> 00:40:43.039
it look as appealing to boys and girls as I could.

622
00:40:43.599 --> 00:40:50.159
It's hard, so it looks like a boy to you. Yeah, okay. Well, anyway,

623
00:40:51.519 --> 00:40:56.079
it's on Amazon and Barnes and Noble. I noticed there

624
00:40:56.119 --> 00:41:03.280
as well. By the time this airs, the celebration kindle

625
00:41:04.519 --> 00:41:09.320
sale will be over. But I kept the pricing very

626
00:41:09.440 --> 00:41:13.719
low in general because I want I want people to

627
00:41:13.800 --> 00:41:16.519
read it and enjoy it.

628
00:41:15.440 --> 00:41:21.079
That's great, that's great. And you know, as as we

629
00:41:21.199 --> 00:41:24.880
end the podcast, number one, how do people find you?

630
00:41:26.199 --> 00:41:29.639
And then then reiterate that, I know you mentioned it before.

631
00:41:30.119 --> 00:41:33.320
And then number two, what would be your final message

632
00:41:33.440 --> 00:41:34.280
to the audience.

633
00:41:36.760 --> 00:41:41.159
So in the book, I have the activities segmented into

634
00:41:42.039 --> 00:41:49.360
inside relationship stories and outside relationship stories. So those are

635
00:41:49.519 --> 00:41:53.239
like your relationship to yourself and your relationship to others.

636
00:41:53.760 --> 00:41:58.079
I studied at vetiveatedan to pre Hindu tradition for twenty

637
00:41:58.079 --> 00:42:01.280
five years, believe it or not, and they have a

638
00:42:01.360 --> 00:42:06.639
concept that I'll leave you with. It's good company. And

639
00:42:06.800 --> 00:42:11.119
good company is not just the people that you invite

640
00:42:11.440 --> 00:42:14.719
into your life. It's the books you read, the music

641
00:42:14.800 --> 00:42:19.719
you listen to, the food you eat, and importantly it's

642
00:42:19.800 --> 00:42:24.199
the thoughts in our head as well. The company we

643
00:42:24.400 --> 00:42:29.320
keep is the company that's inside our head is maybe

644
00:42:29.400 --> 00:42:34.239
most important of all. And then certainly the relationships that

645
00:42:34.320 --> 00:42:37.320
we build. And you know, the studies are all saying

646
00:42:37.480 --> 00:42:45.559
that longevity hinges on healthy, long, deep relationships. Yes, so sure,

647
00:42:46.079 --> 00:42:48.000
good good company.

648
00:42:48.559 --> 00:42:51.320
All right? And how do they find you? What's your website?

649
00:42:52.119 --> 00:42:56.360
So my website is madeleinewise dot com. It's a funny

650
00:42:56.400 --> 00:43:01.920
spelling m A d E LA I E W E

651
00:43:02.320 --> 00:43:06.239
I SS Maddeline moys dot com and everything is there.

652
00:43:07.440 --> 00:43:12.000
So my blog is there, the Power Breathing Gift is there,

653
00:43:12.280 --> 00:43:15.960
all my social is there. And also there are icons

654
00:43:15.960 --> 00:43:18.480
that people can click on right there for the books.

655
00:43:18.559 --> 00:43:20.039
So wonderful.

656
00:43:20.559 --> 00:43:23.159
Well, Madam and I you missed pronounced it. You're right

657
00:43:23.199 --> 00:43:28.239
because I did not say Madeline. I said Madeline, and hey,

658
00:43:28.280 --> 00:43:29.800
I go through that all the time with my own

659
00:43:29.880 --> 00:43:33.639
last name. So anyway, Madaline, thank you so much for

660
00:43:33.679 --> 00:43:34.400
being on the show.

661
00:43:35.360 --> 00:43:38.400
Thank you, doctor Doug. That was that was really good.

662
00:43:39.000 --> 00:43:40.360
Well, I really appreciate it.

663
00:43:40.440 --> 00:43:43.880
You have such great insights and obviously you're caring about

664
00:43:43.920 --> 00:43:47.199
people and your desire to make that improvement in their

665
00:43:47.239 --> 00:43:49.599
lives to me is just phenomenal.

666
00:43:49.960 --> 00:43:54.000
So thank you for that. Thank you, and folks, thanks

667
00:43:54.039 --> 00:43:54.639
for listening.

668
00:43:54.760 --> 00:43:57.519
I hope you enjoyed it and look forward to having

669
00:43:57.519 --> 00:44:00.119
you join us again soon. So this is DOC to

670
00:44:00.199 --> 00:44:02.119
Doug Sane, no mistake,