WEBVTT
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This program is designed to provide general information with regards
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to the subject matters covered. This information is given with
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the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station
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are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,
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legal counseling, professional service, or any advice. You should seek
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the services of competent professionals before applying or trying any
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suggested ideas.
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At the end of the day, it's not about what
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you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what
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you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up,
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who you've made better. It's about what you've given back
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Thanzel Washington, welcome to inspire vision. Our sole purpose is
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to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you
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to do the same.
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Denise welcome.
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It's great to be here.
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Hey, I am so excited about this. I've had a
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chance to read your website and Ashley, download some of
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your music, your mantras and so forth, and I have
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to tell you and let the audience know that the
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minute I started listening to them, it was just like,
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oh man, this is amazing. And I I meditate, I
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try to meditate every day, one way or the other.
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And usually if I'm doing a walking meditation, I listen
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to music and special you know whatever for meditation, and yours.
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Just struck me so strong.
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It was just amazing. So I downloaded everything I could
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find anyway, So get started here. I'd love for you
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the audience, to share with the audience your story what
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you don't go back as far as you need to
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go back, but what brought you to this point.
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Where you're doing what you're doing now.
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And is that what you always did or is this
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a journey that you went on that brought you to
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this point.
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Oh that's a big question. I know you what you
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said about my music, it's I do hope that it
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gives people opportunity needed to exhale. I tried to keep spacious,
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spaciousness in that, and oh that warms my heart.
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You know.
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I think I consider myself right now a sound explorer.
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I've worn the label of opera singer, voice teacher, sound
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healing practitioner, singing bowl person. But it did start at
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a very young age exploring the sounds of nature. Really,
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I grew up close to a river and whenever I
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could get to the ocean. I remember I was a
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very shy child, and I would sing to the ocean.
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I would sing with the river, and that is where
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I would manifest my dreams in my heart. And it
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changed a little bit when I started singing for others,
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because others, particularly my early music teachers, didn't think I
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had any talent, said not to bother auditioning for the
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high school choir, you wouldn't make it. And I there
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was something in my heart that just pushed through. And
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the beauty is that a person who took me on
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as their voice student took me under her wing and
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I started to find my voice. Now as a voice teacher,
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I learned that I just didn't have access to my
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full range. When I tried, I would just crack and
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it would be pretty bad sound. But she believed in me,
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my parents believed in me, and somehow I ended up
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on the opera stage, getting to music degrees and just
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a lot of discipline, a lot of finding my breath,
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finding my voice, and honestly not to discourage others on
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the path of singing. But I didn't really feel like
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I settled into a technique where I could just sing
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easily until grad school really, so it was a long
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journey for me to find my singing voice.
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Wow, where did you go to grad school?
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I went to you and see Greensboro?
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Okay? Cool?
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Yeah?
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Cool?
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So you sang opera as a child, as you say,
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as a child, you were kind of told you couldn't
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say very well.
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Yeah. And I have a memory of being in fifth
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grade and I was one of three students in study
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hall when I heard the whole class practicing choir music
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down the hall, and it was bewildering to me, like
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why can't I be in there singing? And I honestly
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have no answer to that. But and then in middle school,
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my middle school teacher just I just remember perse slips,
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you know, as a child, and then you enhance the
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memory now as an adult. But perselip sing, you have
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no talent. Don't find anything else to do. And honestly,
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once I started singing, even my voice teacher, who I
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not the person who first took me under her wing,
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but a second one who helped me get into undergraduate
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school Westminster Choir College in Princeton, he said, if you
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can do anything else, do it, because the profession is
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so difficult. And I did find it is difficult. It
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did eventually steel my heart for singing for a time,
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but that was a whole nother journey of finding why
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I really need to sing, Not so much to be
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in front of others, particularly as a very shy person,
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battling stage fright with every performance, but what is really
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truly trying to express? And I think I'm still finding that.
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At least at this point in time.
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As you as you went through that process, and I
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know that you said that at some point in time
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you kind of hit the perfect storm you were singing
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and so forth, but at some point in time it
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really hits you hard. Can you kind of share what
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the audience said journey?
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Sure, yeah, the perfect storm. So it was I would
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consider it at the height of my opera career, where
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I really had the chance to step into the regional
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houses start to do. I would say, for me, a
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little bit more exposure, more pressure on myself to really
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step into my fullest potential. But at that same time,
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I was losing my husband to a sudden divorce and
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my father's I had struggled with alcoholism all his life,
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hid it very well. My mom hid it very well
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from me as well. Trying to protect me, but the
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alcoholism was really masking mental illness. So when he was sober,
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the mental illness started to come out. And so as
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I was trying to pursue my career, my marriage was
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falling apart, and my dad's mental illness was becoming more
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focused on me in a sense, almost desperate to have
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anyone to hold on to. And I couldn't. I just
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couldn't do it. I bombed one of my biggest auditions
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at Lyric Opera Chicago. I shouldn't even have done it,
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but I did it, still trying to manifest my dream,
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and I just went back to zero. Really, I haven't
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said this to anyone, but I was in hiding for
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a little bit, trying to find clarity. I didn't have
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any given all that I had to my husband's career,
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so I just left and I sat and made my
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very first CD, which I've pulled from the markets. But
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all I had was love.
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I didn't.
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I lost my father, I lost my husband, I lost
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my career, all that I identified with a wife, a husband,
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an opera singer, you know. And I still had my rock,
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my mom, for a few more years, and then she
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died suddenly of a fast moving cancer. So that just
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really had me shift to who am I? Why am
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I here? Which I think we all have our own,
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our own journey, and I fell into mantra. Really. I
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had read a book called Eat, Pray, Love. I don't
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know if you all remember that, Elizabeth Gilbert, and there
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was something in me that said she had gone to
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an ashram. And I didn't know what an ashram was. Thought, oh, interesting,
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it sounded very healing. I think I'll explore that. It's
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what all recovering opera singers should do, go to an
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ashram and find their voice, find their breath. And there
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happened to be one in Upstate New York, and I went.
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And when I was at that ashram, I for the
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first time my life, wanted to be invisible. I didn't
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tell anybody my name. It was a strange place to be.
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I couldn't. I didn't know who I was, So if
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they asked what I did, I just said, I really
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don't want to talk about that right now. And I
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was sort of just a being figuring out. We practiced yoga,
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we practiced meditation for me the very first time, formal meditation,
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and it was silent meditation for a half hour, which
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if anyone's tried that for the first time, it can
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be devastated. Have you tried it?
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Not easy? Not easy?
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Not easy. So it's like, Okay, I've put myself in
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my own personal hell. Here where am I supposed to go?
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And then at the end of the dreadful half hour
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of silent meditation, we started to chant. And that was
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my first introduction to chanting, mostly in Sanskrit, and it
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blew my mind because from the opera perspective, anything you
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sang in a different language, you had to have the
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translation working in your head at all times, so you
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knew exactly what you were singing. And here I wasn't
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given opportunity to know what I was singing about. Who
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was I singing to? And why? Why were all these
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people around me singing with such bliss? It blew my
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mind and eventually shut my mind down and opened my heart.
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And then I started to sing again, just for the
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love of singing, like I did when I was singing
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with the river and the ocean. Wow, and it was remarkable.
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And then I started to tap dabble in classical singing again,
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and I went home, turned off my TV and started
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to pursue my own personal meditation practice. I got my
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very first singing bowl, which is somewhere around here, and
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the singing bowl, I would just rub it and it
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was the only thing that would quiet my mind during
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that difficult time because when I got back from the Austroo,
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my dad did pass away, and he passed away alone,
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and that was a whole another thing for me to
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heal and process.
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So did you do any other journeys?
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It seems like as I read that you may have
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gone on different another journey.
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Yes, I went on many journeys. One of them which
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I maybe you're referring to what I wrote my book about,
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perhaps journey to Sunyata Mountains, Monsoons and Magic. That's the
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name of my book. I named it that Sunyata because
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a lot of people are unfamiliar with that term. I don't,
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and it's about my real life pilgrimage to Nepal that
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I went with my first sound healing teacher, and it
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ended up being not so much a learning experience about
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the singing bowls and the culture of Nepal, but more
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of a life life challenging experience for me and all
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of us at the end. So I wrote about it
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in fiction because some of what happened not even my
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husband believed, and I thought, okay, well if he doesn't
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believe it, I might as well write about it in fiction.
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And I also didn't have any answers of what really
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happened to me energetically spiritually, So as I wrote it
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in fiction and the main character Ali and the other
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characters came through, I was able to have a healing
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journey and writing it and sharing it with others creating
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answers well.
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And since it was just strictly fiction and it really
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didn't happen to you, what were those things?
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Do you dare be transparent about that? Sure?
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Well, you know, I did say it's a novel based
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on a true story. What I found with my readers,
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particularly those who know me, they want everything that they
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read to be completely true. And I've found that to
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be difficult because it is. There's a little bit of
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fantasy in there. But so on the first thing that
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happened to me, First of all, I suggest if you're
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going on a pilgrimage or a retreat that the intention
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of purification is a big one, and be careful what
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you wish for. And so it was at a time
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I had just lost my mother. No, actually it was
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a few years after, and I wanted to be healed
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of my fears in my pain, so I chose purification.
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And at some point in the journey, about halfway through,
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we had a shamanic journey in a small village in Nepal.
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And it wasn't so much about the shamanic journey, a
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few incidents that happened before, but this ritual was standing
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on a skull and spinning. That's all we knew. And
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if you spun, you would connect to the Shaman's teacher
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and you would receive a message. And I don't even know.
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That's all we knew. And I thought, oh, this sounds
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like fun. Let's try it. And it was truly an
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honor to be able to step on this skull. Now,
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the skull is a tortoises shell. I don't want to
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lose your listeners to.
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Not a human, not a human skull, Not a human skull.
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It's a tortoise shell, a big giant tortoises shell. And