May 5, 2026

Pause: The Power of Stillness, Compassion, and Choice

Pause: The Power of Stillness, Compassion, and Choice
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Dalida Turkovic shares her journey from chaos and survival mode to mindfulness through Tai Chi. We explore mind body alignment, trauma, the victim mindset, self compassion with boundaries, and why solitude is healing. Her closing message is simple and brave: pause. Do not fear silence. www.beijingmindfulnessacademy.com

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WEBVTT

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This program is designed to provide general information with regards

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to the subject matters covered. This information is given with

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the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station

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are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,

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legal counseling, professional service, or any advice. You should seek

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the services of competent professionals before applying or trying any

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suggested ideas.

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At the end of the day, it's not about what

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you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what

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you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up,

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who you've made better. It's about what you've given back.

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Denzel Washington, welcome to Inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is

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to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you

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to do the same.

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The Lado welcome to the show.

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Thank you so much.

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I'm looking forward to this, you know.

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It's I've been fascinated by the people that have reached out,

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that we've been able to connect with.

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From all over the world. And where are you at

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right now?

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I am in Serbia, well little country in the Balkans

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where a lot of things happen, and it's lovely to

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connect with you.

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Right, that's wonderful.

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So at this point in time, you own an academy

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that teaches people how to help other people from a

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transformational standpoint. What brought you to this point? What is

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there a story behind what you're doing now that you

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can share with the audience.

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Well, you know, like I'm like, do we have only

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forty five minutes just for this?

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Keep it fairly short?

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Yes, So you know, like there are many faces. Then

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we present ourselves and then there can be this professional

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line of how I got here, and it can be

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like a career building and the exact steps, and then

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there's a personal.

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Story, and I'd appreciate the personal story.

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Yes, yes, So I'm back in Serbia. It's actually I

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never lived in the country called Serbia. I left Yugoslavia

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when I graduated from university. I studied Chinese language and literature,

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and I went to China and kind of like the

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journey unfolds there. It's not that I had a job.

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I went with minimal funds. I don't know if I had.

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Sometimes the number comes that I had one hundred and

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fifty dollars, sometimes three hundred dollars, but definitely not a

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lot of money, and a lot of people came to help,

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and there were some people that needed help themselves as well,

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and I met those carred people and got scarred as well.

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It was about drug addiction and feeling lost and so on,

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and even myself, you know, there was a lot of

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socializing going through alcohol and everything. So I really, like Pinocchio,

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ended up in a place of now, forget everything that

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my father taught me and just go and release the

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anger about the war. So there was worrying Ugoslavia at

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that time, and I earned weigh basically, so I had

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a bit of chaos, chaotic six years of feeling lost

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in that anger and different path that really took me

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away from my dream life. And when I turned I

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was spenty three at that time, and then when I

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was about to turn twenty nine, I thought something is wrong.

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I actually I had these big dreams of who I

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was going to give when I'm thirty, you know, and

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I thought, I'm going to be a millionaire. I'm going

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to go and think of my retirement. And there it was.

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I was didjaying part time. I was working in a

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consulting company also freelancing. Beautiful job. That's actually what set

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the tone for my coaching. We were doing team building

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with different multinational companies, but that was sporadic outdoor education

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as well, and that very all hit me that something

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was I was not really following my dream and that

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my actions were completely different from my the way how

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I perceived life would go. And just around the time,

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there was also bumping off Belgrade and that hit me

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really really hard. It was daily thinking like will my

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family survived if I was it was just Internet was

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just happening, and would be people on Yahoo Messenger at

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the time, and then they would say, oh, you got

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to go, got to go to shelter, the bomb being here,

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the planes are coming, and then that those moments of

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silence of not knowing what was going to happen. So

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the amount of stress and this still coming going into

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what was my reality?

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What was I.

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Experiencing a lot of successful people around me, a lot

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of talks about building China, hopes for future, while on

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the other side, at the same time, I'm hearing these

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survival mode reflection from people that I really cared about.

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And then I thought how I was wasting life knowing

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that I had all of those things present and a

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lot of opportunities. I thought I have to change something,

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and the change that happened was really about me starting

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to practice taichi and internal martial arts. So my life

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completely fleep from one reality, from long nights, alcohol drugs,

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sleeping at four or five am and waking up at

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ten and being hangover. And now, so we are talking

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about nineteen ninety nine. Sometime October, I'm going early in

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the morning at six o'clock, I'm going to the park

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to practice taichi, and I see people drunk lying on

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the side of the street, and I'm just looking at

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them and thinking I could have been that person.

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So when you practice taichi, it always is curious to me,

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you know, when we think about taichi and we see

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the videos people in the parks and they're moving along

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and so forth. But there's a whole philosophy that I

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think a lot of peopleeople miss. When you were studying taichi,

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were you studying the philosophy?

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Also, you can't study one without the other? Oh, okay, no, Slowly,

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it's all connected. It's not a physical movement, and it's

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really cultivation of mind, body, and the spirit tags along

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with it, at least in the way the methodology to

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China teaches it. I had a chance to connect. I mean,

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I just went to a park and I'm like, I'm

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looking for a teacher. How does one find the teacher? Right?

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So that was the first thing. And I was looking

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and looking and then saw a woman who was leading

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a group of hundred people and she was a referee

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for competitive taichi. So she actually introduced me into competitive

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taichi and after eight months I was competing. I want

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some medals as well. And it was a lot about

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the structure and the physical. When I asked her, for example,

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why are we practicing and she said, well, we are

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practicing so that our mind and body can be aligned fully.

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And she said, and if you can manage to be

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aligned with your mind and your body for ten seconds,

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that means that you're a master.

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You know when you say that, something comes to my

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mind from just a previous podcast that I did the

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other day, and we were talking about people as they

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age and they kind of get to that point where

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they start to feel the victim of aging, and yet

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as you talk about the mind and the body becoming one,

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and we had talked about how important it is to

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just accept who you are at any given moment in time,

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and if you can do that, it makes such a

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difference in your mindset, in your attitude and so forth.

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Could you elaborate a little bit on that when you

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talk about the mind and the body becoming one.

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Well, to be honest, it really didn't speak to me

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in the way how I was taught through manal internal

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martial arts. Because I explored later Chigung and seeing me

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and Barbados the Chinese practices. It was only that I

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understood what they were talking about. And we are talking

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now about maybe fifteen years after my practice tarted. Yes,

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that I came to mindfulness and a lot of things

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then settled and I understood what they were actually talking

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about what is the final goal? But the methodology was

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not really there, and that's what they were saying. It

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takes ten years to become monster if you're lucky, I mean,

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it takes a lifetime, you know.

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But so.

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What it means that mind and body are together is

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that so there's this capacity for the mind to gain

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awareness of the inner experience, physical experience. So I can

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be aware right now, well, you know, like I have

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a bit of tightness about my left eyebrow, eyebrow or

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like I just misspelled eyebrow and I said eyebrow. So

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there's a bit of shame comes in. And then I'm noticing, oh,

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you know, like my shoulders are a little bit tight,

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so and I can relax, and my practice is enabling

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me to have a real time experience what's happening in

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my body. So my mind can be aware of that,

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and then our body can be aware of our mind

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as well. Right, sometimes I can feel agitation. So I

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mentioned a couple of things tightness in my shoulders, but

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also mentioned a bit of shame, the mistake, right, And

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so that is the interpretation of the mind and that

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direction between the mind and the body when we find

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stillness and grounding in that, when we find an element

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of trust, that that attention provides a lot of nourishment

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for our mind and the body in a way we

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can actually have capacity to hold the pain with same

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awareness and not be taken over by it. And that's

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I mean when we say aging, right, where there's pain,

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this body starts giving up. And so that's one element.

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Another one is our motorics are not the same as well, right,

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Like I'm a little bit clumsy, and it's like I

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have now taken care of my parents as well here,

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So it's really having insight about that. But so we

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don't connect mind and a body to prevent things from happening.

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We don't magically forget that we are aging. But there

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is some grounding and confidence that goes comes from acceptance,

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and it's like, oh, this is what aging brings.

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So we talk about aging, let's talk about other things

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and how mindfulness helps. Because as you know, I'm sure

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with people you've worked with, there's a lot of people

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that have experienced some type of trauma in their lives,

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some very serious, others their perception of trauma. Someone else

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would look at it and go, no's no way, But

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it doesn't matter because their perception is some type of trauma,

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some type of suffering that they're experiencing. How does how

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does the mindset and that awareness move into that so

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that as those things come up, you're able to, as

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you say, be aware of them, but not let them

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control your emotions or your mind to the point where

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you are now a victim of that versus you're really

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in control. Something comes up, Okay, I get it, and

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you move it to the side or wherever it goes,

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but you're able to continue on consciously with that mindset

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of being one with yourself.

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Well, one thing is maybe I can share that it's

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not really being in control, because that would go against mindulements.

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It's actually we are learning how to control and still

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be grounded. So being grounded doesn't mean being in control.

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It's a little bit like when the wind is blowing

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and the tree is there and it's shaken by the wind.

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The tree is not controlling the wind, it's just keeping

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its roots right there, right, and that there's a lot

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of benefit from the tree actually being shaken by the

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by the weed, the roots get stronger, and maybe there's

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polinization and you know, the seats kind of lego and

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so on. So I think our perception that we can

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control anything and in life is actually the problem. This

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is where people have expectations I'm going to be able

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to be in control. It's like, no, we're not in control,

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but we can be able to just like you know,

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like water or the tree, to kind of like swing

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with it and not completely lose ourselves.

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Well, yes, and I probably shouldn't used that word. I

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think it means something different to me than it does

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to you. But maybe a better description is conscious awareness.

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How we can be consciously aware of ourselves, of our

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mindset and all that, so that we are literally moving

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in a very positive direction and not being the victim

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of any of those subconscious thoughts, emotions, and so forth

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that get triggered all the time.

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Of course, that's the practice, it's really the practice to

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understand first the mind is going to go through the doubt,

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you know, like why should I be like I'd rather

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escape and not really going too feeling or feeling pain

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or being aware of all of that because it brings

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this comfort and victim is just one of the ways

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of protecting our system. You know, there are different subhat

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attaching strategies, right being full in control is one, being

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you know, like perfection is another one. And these are

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defense systems that we have developed in childhood for whatever reason.

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So now this conscious awareness can help us to in

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a way detached from automatic response to life pressures. See

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that these urges come up, it's like, oh, there's victim

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wants to step up and save me, and then making

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a conscious choice and saying, well there's another way I

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can choose another way, not a victim victim. My child

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created the victim as a way of escaping from whatever

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was happening in my family, in my education, because kids

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are shamed or not. I mean, at least generations, our generations,

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you know, like and I would assume that you're rather

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closer than than this that generation are closer to the

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that generation. Now, I don't know if this is making

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any sense. Maybe Victor Franco said, between stimulus and response,

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there is a space between. That space is lies of

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freedom to choose our response. And that's what this conscious

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awareness is. It's not only about holding something, you know,

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like if you're holding a hot coal, you're going to

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throw it. You're not going to burn your hand. If

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it's burning too much, you're going to stop. But to

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make that choice consciously, it's like, oh, I'm dropping the

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call versus reactivity or the victim mentality comes in. It's

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a lot of that here where I am and I

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have it as well. It took me a life change

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just to be able to monitor when the victim comes in,

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you know, and the victim was like, oh, here I

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am is the war that happened and without you know,

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any support here and ah, look at the kind of

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like people that I met and now the mess that

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I'm in, and on the top of everything, I'm gay

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as well, and like nobody likes me, and many many

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reasons for that victim to really be present, and then

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it's like, wow, this is hard. And then the practice

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brings a compassionate element. At least that's one element that

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not many people mention. The compassion is really big part

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of it. When we can warm up to our experience,

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be soft and gentle rather than critical. Because if I critical,

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I'm critical of my victim or cut it off, It's

275
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going to be removed for a little bit, but then

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it's going to come so strong when I least expect it.

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Well, let's talk about compassion, because I think people people

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look at compassion and understand it differently. It's been fascinating

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to me as I've moved over to Thailand and the

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different culture that I'm experiencing here and recognizing that words

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mean entirely different things to different people and different cultures.

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So when you talk about compassion, and particularly compassion for others,

283
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but compassion for ourselves, elaborate on.

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That a bit.

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There may be I will just give brief sentences and

286
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then I'll give you a space to ask maybe a question. Again,

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I can just go off on the tangent here, so

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there may be true wisdoms. Well, I'll share three short sentences.

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One meditation without compassion only strengthens the ego. Compassion without

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self compassion only strengthens the ego. It's not compassion. And

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compassion might be perceived as something soft and weak, but

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it has two sides, and compassion without strong boundaries is

293
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also really not compassion. It is not sustainable.

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What is your definition of compassion? You've said, well, it's

295
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not what it is, but what's your definition?

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So my definition would be it's a It's a state

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of presence when we are able to perceive the world

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in such with and breath in a way that many

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elements can give us the sign of what is really

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going on at any given moment, and compassionate presence with

301
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self compassion is really about the capacity to hold ourselves

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with understanding or what is going on in the internal

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world and compassion. Then it speels over into compassion, which

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is really about this deep understanding of what others are

305
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going through or they're theres are and what their difficulties are.

306
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And then being compelled to act based.

307
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On that well, and you know it fascinates me.

308
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I love theology, and you know what comes to my

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mind is that one main thing that said in the

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New Testament love God and love others as yourself. And

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you know, I'm just not quoting specifically, but as you

312
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talk about compassion, what what came to my mind as

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you were talking about it is the fact that true

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compassion is really true love for ourselves and for others

315
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as we really experience that. And you mentioned meditation, and

316
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you know brought that in as far as without compassion,

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meditation is no good. But I want to talk about

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that too, because as we start talking about developing compassion,

319
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developing all of these aspects of mindset and so forth,

320
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I think one of the most important things that has

321
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come to my mind is again, be still. And that's

322
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not easy. But how do you what are your thoughts

323
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about the importance of being still and what difference does

324
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that make in one's life when they can learn how

325
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to be still.

326
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Well, first, the moment we become still, our mind is

327
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going to be agitated. So that's completely against everything the

328
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mind feels comfortable with. Some people, not many would find

329
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themselves in this sense of oh, this is it. I've

330
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been longing for this. But many, many practitioners are going

331
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to actually find a lot of pain, physical, mental, emotional,

332
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just from being still. When we are still, we can notice, right,

333
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So when we distruct ourselves with all of these things

334
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outside of us, it means that we don't have the

335
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capacity to be still and hold what is present. And

336
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so compassionate presence means that were somewhere in our practice

337
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discovered how to develop relationship with pain. In putism, it's

338
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a suffering, right, okay, So it's basically that we cannot

339
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avoid sufferings, pain or difficulties, whichever world is right for anyone.

340
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They're present. We are going to get sleepy when we

341
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can't sleep, We will be hungry when we can't eat.

342
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These are some simple ones, right like that is also

343
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difficulty in life, and then the scale can go up.

344
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And as you mentioned trauma before and so on. So

345
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our relational presence when these situations come up, when when

346
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suffering or difficulties are present, this is the training of compassion.

347
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So one voice can be in a critic, Oh, you fool,

348
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why did you allow yourself to get into such a mess?

349
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Or like you should have eaten before you left home,

350
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or like today I went to bank, commap to ATM

351
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and the car. He took my card and I didn't

352
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have the phone, and you know, can you imagine being

353
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a critic how I wanted to go at me? It's like,

354
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how could you lead a house without the phone? Call

355
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the service to give you the card back? But then

356
00:24:40.359 --> 00:24:42.759
I said, and I was like, wow, this is a

357
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difficult moment. And then a guy was passing by. I said, hey,

358
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do you have time? I need help? Can you call?

359
00:24:48.799 --> 00:24:51.079
And he called and the moment he called, the card

360
00:24:51.200 --> 00:24:54.519
came out and thank you. You know, it was a

361
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very nice moment of connection. And he was so full

362
00:24:57.599 --> 00:25:02.000
of reassurance. He's like real sorting out, you know.

363
00:25:03.519 --> 00:25:06.799
Yeah, And you talk about suffering, and I look at

364
00:25:06.839 --> 00:25:10.920
you know, I've studied Buddhism a lot, and I find

365
00:25:10.960 --> 00:25:15.480
it's fascinating how now he taught that there's you know,

366
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four different levels of suffering. Of course the last two

367
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you're not suffering. But also then he talks about the

368
00:25:23.000 --> 00:25:27.319
eful path of how you overcome this, and I find

369
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it fascinating as I look at that and then look

370
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at Hinduism. I haven't been able to quite find the

371
00:25:33.200 --> 00:25:36.839
same philosophical aspects to that. I'm sure it's there, but

372
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I haven't been able to find it. You get into Christianity,

373
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and of course everyone kind of a temperts it one way, well,

374
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you know, he's paid for my sins and so forth,

375
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that they still suffer, whereas if they were to look

376
00:25:50.720 --> 00:25:53.799
at it as though, you know, I've suffered for everything,

377
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so just take my hand, and as you're suffering, take

378
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my hand and I'll help you through it. So I

379
00:25:59.480 --> 00:26:03.559
think that it's interesting that we can either become the

380
00:26:03.640 --> 00:26:05.599
victim and then we've used that word a lot today.

381
00:26:05.839 --> 00:26:07.279
We can become the victim of.

382
00:26:07.240 --> 00:26:10.839
Suffering, or we can recognize that, you know what, that's

383
00:26:10.920 --> 00:26:14.279
part of life. What am I going to learn and

384
00:26:14.799 --> 00:26:18.039
what can I be grateful for that is going to

385
00:26:18.079 --> 00:26:21.680
affect me in a positive way or others in the future.

386
00:26:23.039 --> 00:26:28.119
It's true, you know, like it's different, different cultures, different philosophies,

387
00:26:29.279 --> 00:26:33.920
they do have essentially very similar messages. I mean, you know,

388
00:26:34.079 --> 00:26:38.519
Christianity and Hinduism and Buddhism. Perhaps it's like the terrain

389
00:26:38.720 --> 00:26:42.160
is different, so like you're in Thailand. I live in

390
00:26:42.200 --> 00:26:44.799
Thailand for a year. You know, like it's right now,

391
00:26:44.799 --> 00:26:51.640
it's beautiful weather. Probably it's like wet and humid, then

392
00:26:53.680 --> 00:26:57.799
humid and hot, and I suffer the lot. Nobody could

393
00:26:57.880 --> 00:27:01.160
understand why it was so difficult for me to live

394
00:27:01.200 --> 00:27:05.799
in Thailand when everything is so beautiful, right, So this

395
00:27:06.279 --> 00:27:12.079
environment where those teachings have been created is really important. Also,

396
00:27:12.559 --> 00:27:16.400
the cultures are very collective in the East and in

397
00:27:16.480 --> 00:27:20.720
the West it is very individualistic culture, right. So there's

398
00:27:20.839 --> 00:27:26.279
one person taking suffering for everyone and kind of like

399
00:27:26.680 --> 00:27:30.119
just release that and there's something for the psyche. I

400
00:27:30.119 --> 00:27:33.000
guess it is important for that message to be accepted.

401
00:27:33.920 --> 00:27:36.759
But ultimately all of them are saying there is suffering

402
00:27:36.880 --> 00:27:40.480
and there's a lot of hard stuff happening in the world.

403
00:27:40.559 --> 00:27:44.400
There's these demons in Hinduism. It's all these demons that

404
00:27:44.720 --> 00:27:48.640
come and we constantly need to fight against demons taking over.

405
00:27:49.880 --> 00:27:54.359
Buddha came at the time of Hinduism, right, and he

406
00:27:54.559 --> 00:27:58.759
came from a palace, from riches and realizing that all

407
00:27:58.880 --> 00:28:04.319
that money doesn't do anything, right, So so it's any

408
00:28:05.119 --> 00:28:09.359
but he went to famous teachers who already had a

409
00:28:09.359 --> 00:28:12.960
lot of students. He went to kings directly. Those were

410
00:28:13.000 --> 00:28:16.440
his students at the very beginning. He didn't need to

411
00:28:16.519 --> 00:28:19.640
explain to them how if he was saying to them like,

412
00:28:19.839 --> 00:28:22.839
just stay the road and let's go and back. It

413
00:28:22.960 --> 00:28:26.480
was the practice. It was necessary practice for them because

414
00:28:26.519 --> 00:28:31.440
they had everything. Yeah, So within that there was something

415
00:28:31.519 --> 00:28:35.319
important on how they could understand suffering. In the West,

416
00:28:35.359 --> 00:28:40.720
it's Jesus who was carpenter and then went and you know,

417
00:28:40.880 --> 00:28:43.880
suffered in his own way and stood up to the

418
00:28:44.480 --> 00:28:45.200
to the bullies.

419
00:28:46.279 --> 00:28:46.480
You know.

420
00:28:46.559 --> 00:28:50.720
Instead, it's not like it's it's love. It's not what

421
00:28:50.759 --> 00:28:54.279
you're talking about, and so on. So they have different

422
00:28:54.359 --> 00:28:57.599
message messages I think based on the context. And we

423
00:28:57.640 --> 00:29:00.759
were trying to pretend as if it's to take it

424
00:29:00.799 --> 00:29:03.480
into the modern life, as if it's the whole truth.

425
00:29:03.960 --> 00:29:06.440
The one thing I like about the Buddhism, it's like

426
00:29:06.960 --> 00:29:10.599
the same when you meet Buddha on your path, kill him.

427
00:29:10.920 --> 00:29:16.720
There's no Buddha. I mean, there's no glorifying. I mean

428
00:29:16.759 --> 00:29:22.359
it took I don't know, two hundred and fifty years

429
00:29:22.440 --> 00:29:25.799
I think before they started writing first teachings of Buddha

430
00:29:26.680 --> 00:29:30.480
to make records right, So how much was diluted by

431
00:29:30.519 --> 00:29:34.559
that time because he was like, no teachings exactly.

432
00:29:35.559 --> 00:29:40.079
Yeah, and now there's at least what five different sects

433
00:29:40.160 --> 00:29:45.480
of Buddhism. Actually, yes, that gets to be fascinating too.

434
00:29:45.599 --> 00:29:47.880
But I think, you know, getting back to what we

435
00:29:47.960 --> 00:29:51.759
were talking about, as far as suffering goes regardless of

436
00:29:52.680 --> 00:29:55.480
what your culture is and what your poliefs are and

437
00:29:55.559 --> 00:29:59.960
so forth, my sense is that yes, we all saw.

438
00:30:00.880 --> 00:30:05.079
The important thing is how do you approach that from

439
00:30:05.279 --> 00:30:11.440
a inner, mindful, conscious way so that rather than becoming

440
00:30:11.519 --> 00:30:15.720
a victim of that, you recognize that that's just life

441
00:30:16.200 --> 00:30:19.319
and you move forward in a positive way. Because as

442
00:30:19.359 --> 00:30:22.880
you do that, suddenly the suffering kind of minimizes what

443
00:30:23.000 --> 00:30:23.519
your thoughts.

444
00:30:24.559 --> 00:30:27.440
Well, you know, like I approach these practices a lot

445
00:30:27.480 --> 00:30:34.599
from the secular perspective. There's a lot of psychology behind

446
00:30:34.759 --> 00:30:38.440
that and research and why it's working and all of that.

447
00:30:40.559 --> 00:30:44.279
So what is important to know is that we have

448
00:30:44.440 --> 00:30:49.400
illusion that we will not suffer. We have and I

449
00:30:49.480 --> 00:30:52.039
found myself quite a few times in that space like

450
00:30:52.119 --> 00:30:55.160
oh wow, look I just came to the place where

451
00:30:55.400 --> 00:30:58.920
ed life is great, I have everything, and then a

452
00:30:58.960 --> 00:31:01.160
bit of time passes and it's like, oh my god,

453
00:31:01.839 --> 00:31:04.759
I lost everything. Is like, what do I do? Now,

454
00:31:05.200 --> 00:31:10.359
so we forget, we forget that in the moments when

455
00:31:10.400 --> 00:31:15.960
we are feeling good about ourselves that there's no permanence. Right,

456
00:31:16.240 --> 00:31:21.160
So there's something about accepting impermanence of life and everything

457
00:31:21.200 --> 00:31:26.640
that is happening and not being taken by it into

458
00:31:26.680 --> 00:31:30.039
a dark side, so not being cynical about it, not

459
00:31:30.119 --> 00:31:35.160
being you know, realistic or passimi stick. So these are

460
00:31:35.200 --> 00:31:38.960
some again like let me not notice beauties of life,

461
00:31:39.359 --> 00:31:42.519
so I'll just kind of like see the dark side.

462
00:31:42.599 --> 00:31:45.640
So there's always been stuff happening that's not right, but

463
00:31:45.759 --> 00:31:52.279
our capacity to be present when when good, when pleasant

464
00:31:52.720 --> 00:31:56.920
things are happening, and knowing that that too shall pass,

465
00:31:57.279 --> 00:32:02.759
and just reminding but then savoring, nourishing, experiencing joy, right,

466
00:32:03.240 --> 00:32:07.039
and then when difficult moments come, also remind ourselves this

467
00:32:07.319 --> 00:32:10.759
social paths and know that even at that time we

468
00:32:10.799 --> 00:32:14.240
can still find the moment. So this is the teaching,

469
00:32:14.400 --> 00:32:18.319
and I think it's really hard teaching, especially when there's

470
00:32:18.400 --> 00:32:22.319
collective suffering and we see a lot of people suffering

471
00:32:22.359 --> 00:32:26.039
around us to find that momental things like oh, it's

472
00:32:26.200 --> 00:32:31.680
just this sunshine on my face, or like, there it is.

473
00:32:31.839 --> 00:32:34.720
I managed to connect with the guy by hating and

474
00:32:34.839 --> 00:32:37.960
he helped me. He doesn't know anything about me or

475
00:32:38.000 --> 00:32:41.319
I got my card back. Like I'm having my cat

476
00:32:41.400 --> 00:32:45.279
on my lap right now, and God knows what's going

477
00:32:45.319 --> 00:32:48.880
to happen, but I'll just stay here. And this is

478
00:32:49.559 --> 00:32:53.119
our The teaching is that we do have capacity to

479
00:32:53.400 --> 00:32:55.960
experience joy no matter what.

480
00:32:56.440 --> 00:32:59.720
Yes, And you know what's interesting to me. We talk

481
00:32:59.759 --> 00:33:05.119
about being still, we talk about we haven't but we

482
00:33:05.160 --> 00:33:10.400
can talk about solitude versus loneliness. And so many people

483
00:33:11.119 --> 00:33:15.880
experience quote loneliness, and I think kind of try to

484
00:33:15.920 --> 00:33:19.519
stay away from that, and yet that sense of solitude

485
00:33:20.119 --> 00:33:22.599
makes such a difference. I just got back from Pouquet

486
00:33:22.920 --> 00:33:26.000
for a week in Thailand. You know which you're aware of.

487
00:33:26.039 --> 00:33:28.759
It's on the beach. And in fact, the picture that

488
00:33:28.799 --> 00:33:31.160
I had behind me right now I took while I

489
00:33:31.319 --> 00:33:34.680
was on a cruise. And what I found was, I

490
00:33:34.759 --> 00:33:38.119
you know, as I we did a cruise, is I

491
00:33:38.720 --> 00:33:41.720
just laying in the pool and so forth. It was

492
00:33:41.880 --> 00:33:45.519
fascinating to me that as we were getting ready to

493
00:33:45.559 --> 00:33:49.039
go to the airport, and you've been in Thailand, you

494
00:33:49.279 --> 00:33:53.680
know how horrible the traffic is it and it drives

495
00:33:53.720 --> 00:33:54.680
me crazy.

496
00:33:55.240 --> 00:33:58.200
And we got in the cab. We started going.

497
00:33:58.640 --> 00:34:01.359
There was a lot of traffic and I stopped for

498
00:34:01.400 --> 00:34:05.240
a minute and I thought, I'm not getting frustrated. I'm

499
00:34:05.440 --> 00:34:11.119
literally just feeling peace. I'm not getting frustrated. Why And

500
00:34:11.159 --> 00:34:13.599
then I realized because I spent a week and it

501
00:34:13.639 --> 00:34:17.400
wasn't all just relaxing, but I literally spent a week

502
00:34:17.440 --> 00:34:21.880
in nature, in the water, in the pool, just relaxing

503
00:34:22.000 --> 00:34:26.400
for you know, a long time. And somehow that solitude,

504
00:34:27.039 --> 00:34:31.920
that being still made a huge difference in my attitude,

505
00:34:31.960 --> 00:34:35.400
at least for that day.

506
00:34:35.199 --> 00:34:36.719
What are your thoughts about that?

507
00:34:36.880 --> 00:34:37.039
Why?

508
00:34:37.159 --> 00:34:42.320
Why is solitude so important? And recognizing that solitude isn't loneliness,

509
00:34:43.000 --> 00:34:48.360
is that it's a conscious choice to be still with

510
00:34:48.519 --> 00:34:51.079
oneself and with the universe.

511
00:34:51.599 --> 00:34:54.800
Well, yes, I mean the power of nature right, the

512
00:34:54.920 --> 00:35:00.639
mentioned connecting with water and moving within the name nature.

513
00:35:00.920 --> 00:35:05.599
Nature has that capacity to heal our nervous system if

514
00:35:05.639 --> 00:35:09.159
we just are present with it and we connect with

515
00:35:09.239 --> 00:35:13.320
the nature. So that's that's what really nature does really well.

516
00:35:13.840 --> 00:35:19.039
And when we go into that solitude, we can also

517
00:35:19.159 --> 00:35:23.920
say there's so much do you say, like it's now

518
00:35:23.960 --> 00:35:28.519
the word poisonous errows come in. But when we are

519
00:35:28.559 --> 00:35:31.400
in the in the city. When we are connected with

520
00:35:31.639 --> 00:35:37.119
all these modern life pressures, the gadgets and everything, there's

521
00:35:37.400 --> 00:35:43.400
constant board bombardment of the information, and the mind gets

522
00:35:43.519 --> 00:35:48.480
really agitated. And when mind gets agitated, the body gets agitated.

523
00:35:48.559 --> 00:35:51.559
So it's basically you mentioned stillness. So when the mind

524
00:35:51.639 --> 00:35:55.639
is agitated but our body is still, that's really hard,

525
00:35:55.760 --> 00:35:59.880
it's harmful. Right, But if we move the body and

526
00:36:00.119 --> 00:36:04.719
our mind is calm, that is fantastic. And it doesn't

527
00:36:04.760 --> 00:36:08.440
have to be either know gen or big practice and exercise.

528
00:36:08.519 --> 00:36:15.960
Doing that in nature and allowing ourselves to experience self. Right,

529
00:36:16.039 --> 00:36:20.440
who am I? How am I experiencing this moment? Tons

530
00:36:20.440 --> 00:36:23.119
of research has been done or what benefits that does

531
00:36:23.199 --> 00:36:27.199
to the brain? And your whole nervous system was reset

532
00:36:27.440 --> 00:36:31.039
so that when on the first kind of like entry

533
00:36:31.079 --> 00:36:36.119
point that something is triggering or something is giving high pressure,

534
00:36:37.239 --> 00:36:39.679
your nervous system was not reactive.

535
00:36:40.239 --> 00:36:45.280
Yes, And so how do you help clients learn how

536
00:36:45.320 --> 00:36:50.519
to develop that solitude and stillness? I mean, particularly in

537
00:36:50.559 --> 00:36:53.760
a busy world where they may have kids, they certainly

538
00:36:53.760 --> 00:36:56.320
have work, they've got neighbors, they've got all the stuff

539
00:36:56.440 --> 00:36:58.440
going on, they've got social media.

540
00:36:58.719 --> 00:36:59.599
And on and on.

541
00:37:01.239 --> 00:37:05.079
What do you do to teach someone how to develop

542
00:37:05.719 --> 00:37:07.039
solitude in their lives.

543
00:37:07.920 --> 00:37:10.119
Well, you know, I'm a coach and we are very

544
00:37:10.119 --> 00:37:14.360
careful not to mix coaching and teaching. I'm also a teacher, mindful,

545
00:37:14.400 --> 00:37:20.519
self compassion teacher, so I tend to do the work separately.

546
00:37:20.760 --> 00:37:24.599
So in coaching, being with a client that one hour

547
00:37:25.119 --> 00:37:30.119
when we meet is actually a solitude in presence. It's

548
00:37:30.239 --> 00:37:33.920
all about that person. It's almost like let me go

549
00:37:34.000 --> 00:37:38.559
into the deep dieve of really seeing what is in

550
00:37:38.599 --> 00:37:43.519
there that is to celebrate and what is bringing pain.

551
00:37:44.079 --> 00:37:50.159
So for busy executives, you know, it's just such a

552
00:37:50.159 --> 00:37:54.679
precious moment and not everyone is ready for that. A

553
00:37:54.679 --> 00:37:57.320
lot of people see coaching is let's move towards the

554
00:37:57.360 --> 00:38:02.440
goals and we achieve goals. Right, the context of me

555
00:38:02.559 --> 00:38:07.679
bringing mindfulness based coaching is so let's just stay with

556
00:38:07.800 --> 00:38:11.079
that a little bit and just notice what message is

557
00:38:11.079 --> 00:38:14.360
that providing. And when we go into the body as

558
00:38:14.400 --> 00:38:17.599
well to hear what is the need behind the physical

559
00:38:17.719 --> 00:38:22.800
response of whatever difficulty is coming up, such clear simple

560
00:38:22.880 --> 00:38:26.079
message is coming. It's like, oh I need rest or,

561
00:38:26.239 --> 00:38:30.840
I need to be acknowledged, or I need to celebrate,

562
00:38:31.400 --> 00:38:35.079
I need warmth. I need love right, and then we

563
00:38:35.159 --> 00:38:37.760
can move into coaching stuff and saying is like, okay,

564
00:38:37.840 --> 00:38:41.320
that need that is coming up now that this difficulty

565
00:38:41.960 --> 00:38:46.000
or difficult unpleasant emotion or difficult sensation in your body

566
00:38:46.639 --> 00:38:49.719
showed what are you going to do about that? And

567
00:38:49.920 --> 00:38:54.039
in that way they learn how to sit with what

568
00:38:54.199 --> 00:38:56.320
is what is happening.

569
00:38:57.400 --> 00:39:00.159
And also find find a way in which they can

570
00:39:00.280 --> 00:39:03.800
experience solitude in some way, whether it's to close the

571
00:39:03.840 --> 00:39:08.519
door and just be quiet, or whatever that happens to be,

572
00:39:08.800 --> 00:39:13.000
do the meditation, whatever that happens to be. So as

573
00:39:13.039 --> 00:39:15.239
we knew the close now you know, we've talked about

574
00:39:15.280 --> 00:39:17.719
a lot of things. But is there is there some

575
00:39:17.840 --> 00:39:21.440
specific message that comes to mind that you'd like to

576
00:39:21.480 --> 00:39:24.639
share with the audience. Is kind of a short message.

577
00:39:24.920 --> 00:39:30.599
I think this is a message pause, don't be afraid

578
00:39:30.679 --> 00:39:35.119
of silence with you know, be a bombarded with messages

579
00:39:35.639 --> 00:39:39.360
with quick fix. Here is the wisdom to do this?

580
00:39:39.679 --> 00:39:44.239
Do this? How about allowed to sit in silence and

581
00:39:44.320 --> 00:39:45.280
not do anything?

582
00:39:45.920 --> 00:39:46.360
All right?

583
00:39:46.840 --> 00:39:50.960
That's great? So how do people find you? And is

584
00:39:51.000 --> 00:39:54.159
your main focus? You're not are you coaching people or

585
00:39:54.159 --> 00:39:56.199
are you strictly teaching coaches?

586
00:39:56.400 --> 00:39:57.440
How to coach people.

587
00:39:58.719 --> 00:40:03.480
I do both. I'm a coach and there's at times

588
00:40:03.519 --> 00:40:07.280
my clients would want to learn how to coach, but

589
00:40:07.519 --> 00:40:13.119
mostly I teach mindful self compassion and mindfulness practices. And

590
00:40:13.199 --> 00:40:16.079
then from that people are really interested how to be

591
00:40:16.760 --> 00:40:22.360
certified in bringing both skills mindfulness and coaching. I do

592
00:40:22.400 --> 00:40:23.920
that through BMC Academy.

593
00:40:24.199 --> 00:40:27.800
So how do people find you if they're looking for help?

594
00:40:28.480 --> 00:40:34.599
Yes, so you can reach me through the website, my

595
00:40:34.760 --> 00:40:39.239
personal website where I kind of like play with some

596
00:40:39.440 --> 00:40:43.039
insights poetry blogs and so only there's a calendar there,

597
00:40:43.199 --> 00:40:46.400
so it's the leader to codey with the C in

598
00:40:46.480 --> 00:40:52.039
the end dot com contact and also through my website

599
00:40:52.639 --> 00:40:57.519
BMC academy dot com or it's Beijing Mindfulness Academy dot

600
00:40:57.559 --> 00:41:01.760
com name of the website. Both will work and I

601
00:41:01.840 --> 00:41:05.519
love to meet with people in person. Is just to

602
00:41:05.639 --> 00:41:10.199
immediately schedule the time with me whenever the time slot

603
00:41:10.280 --> 00:41:13.719
is open, and I would love to have a conversation chemistrycall.

604
00:41:14.039 --> 00:41:14.599
We called.

605
00:41:15.039 --> 00:41:19.800
Yeah, So give me your personal website again slowly so

606
00:41:19.840 --> 00:41:21.559
that people can understand what it is.

607
00:41:22.559 --> 00:41:29.760
So it's my name or name Www. Dalidavic. It's C

608
00:41:30.159 --> 00:41:33.119
at the end. Now age dot com.

609
00:41:33.400 --> 00:41:37.760
Okay, excellent, excellent, Well, thank you so much, Toda. This

610
00:41:37.880 --> 00:41:39.000
has been fantastic.

611
00:41:39.880 --> 00:41:42.079
I'm really I didn't even know that you're in Thailand.

612
00:41:42.199 --> 00:41:46.320
I lived in Puquet for a year. There you go.

613
00:41:47.199 --> 00:41:50.079
Yeah, I decided I wouldn't want to live there. It

614
00:41:50.159 --> 00:41:51.760
is way too busy.

615
00:41:52.519 --> 00:41:55.840
Absolutely, I understand that's why I left as well.

616
00:41:56.119 --> 00:41:59.400
Yeah, but anyway, thanks so much. Your insights have been

617
00:41:59.519 --> 00:42:04.440
wonderful in folks, I hope you've enjoyed it. I hope

618
00:42:04.440 --> 00:42:07.280
you'll join us again soon. And if you're looking for

619
00:42:07.360 --> 00:42:09.880
some help, reach out to her personal website. I think

620
00:42:09.880 --> 00:42:11.920
that would be a great value. So anyway, there's a

621
00:42:11.960 --> 00:42:15.920
doctor Doug saying no mistay.

622
00:42:16.079 --> 00:42:23.559
Thank you,