Aug. 11, 2026

Your Greatest Pain Can Become Your Greatest Power, with Tori Jenae

Your Greatest Pain Can Become Your Greatest Power, with Tori Jenae
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Dr. Doug sits down with transformational life strategist Tori Jenae for an unhurried conversation about healing and remembering who we really are. Born into addiction and loss, Tori shares how she transformed her deepest wounds into purpose. Together they explore the "not enough" wound, why healing isn't about fixing but reclaiming, and the quiet power of the pause, a gentle reminder that no matter what has happened, you can return home to yourself. www.torijenae.com

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This program is designed to provide general information with regards

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to the subject matters covered. This information is given with

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the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station

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are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,

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legal counseling, professional service, or any advice. You should seek

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the services of competent professionals before applying or trying any

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suggested ideas.

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I have spent years in conversation with people who are

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successful by every measure and still quietly restless, not broken,

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not lost, just aware somewhere underneath the noise that there

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is a version of their life that feels more honest,

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more grounded, more genuinely theirs. This podcast exists for those people,

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for the ones who are done performing and ready to

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go deeper. My name is doctor Doug. Welcome to Inspire Vision.

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I'm glad you were here. Toy, welcome to the show.

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Thank you so much for having me, Doctor doud.

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Oh, I'm excited. I'm excited. You've got such an incredible background,

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and I think it's going to be really a fascinating conversation.

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So sure with the audience your background, Yeah.

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I'm a transformational life strategist and I know it doesn't

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make much sense, but it's because I work with people

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holistically across their entire life, mind, body, soul. Really. So

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I do have three degrees in psychology dual master's degrees,

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and I've studied everything from Western medicine to or you know,

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western functional medicine. I'm super interested in natural pathic how

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do we heal the body, how do we heal the

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gut all the way to the mind. So I really

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look at everything holistically. But I've studied with gurus and

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the betas for about twenty years. I've studied psychology for

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twenty six now, and I've looked at almost every spiritual

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audy on the planet because I'm really looking at the

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deepest questions in life life, which is what makes us happy, healthy,

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and wealthy.

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Well, and you know, I'm really curious because you've really

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gotten into it, you know, as far as Western medicine

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and psychology goes, but you've also gone into the Eastern

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aspect to it.

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And I'd love to hear what your experience has been

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and your thoughts about the difference between the two.

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And yeah, yeah, I know that's such a good question.

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And how I kind of got started in the Eastern

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because lot of people were curious about that. I actually

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moved to Japan when I was nineteen years old and

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I was introduced to Buddhism, and I really thought like, wow,

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this is fascinating. I'm learning how to not only like

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understand my mind, but more control it, become the observer

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of it, work with it. And so I feel like

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ancient wisdom really helps gives us the tools of the how,

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and modern science.

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And psychology gets us kind of the why.

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So it's like, let's say I understand why I have

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these triggers and these reactions, and I know it's my

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attachment style, and I've got all this great information from

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the Western psychology that we can go the years of

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therapy and not really be able to stop that trigger

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in our physical body. We don't observe our mind, we

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don't understand why, you know, the nervous system dysregulation, Like

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you know your partner says something, you snap and you

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don't know why, and you're like, oh, I don't want

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to do that anymore, but I can't stop. And so

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I love that, like I can explain it from a

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Western perspective and give you the practices from an Eastern perspective,

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because I just really think we get so stuck in

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the why and the ancient sciences from like the Beta

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to ir Beta to Buddhism.

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Everything I've looked at, like the Nyamas.

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And the Niamas, the eight limbs of Yoga, the Eightfold Path,

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like these are the things that tell us how to

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be and they are not religions, and they just give

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us tools. And now that we have the science to

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show that meditation, breath work, all these things, you know,

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help call the nervous system, and that's what helps give

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us our control in our lives back.

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That's that is amazing. And I have found that, you know,

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obviously being here in Thailand, Buddhism is extremely big here,

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but as I've also had a chance to visit with

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other people, and you know, with your experience with Hinduism,

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Vedic and so forth, it is fascinating because I think

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Buddhism really is came down from Hinduism, didn't it.

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Yeah, there have a lot of debate over that.

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They're both very old, they're both they have very similar

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philosophies and also very different. I think the primary difference

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I've found between the Vedic philosophy, and the Buddhist philosophy

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is the Buddhism we look more at like want nothing,

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kind of like the root of all suffering is desire.

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And so that was very much that humility was inborn

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into me. And so I actually studied Kabbala in the

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last couple of years, which they talk about expanding your desire,

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that the universe actually wants to give you everything. So

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it's so interesting to look at these different philosophies and

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kind of I believe it's like desire for the ego.

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So let's say, you know, I live in Los Angeles.

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Someone wants to be famous because they think it's going

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to finally make them worthy and make them happy and

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make them healthy. We know that's not true because you know,

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as Jim Carey famously said, I wish everyone would get

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rich and famous to see it won't solve all their problems.

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So you know, we get these things.

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But yeah, like that East versus West, they are they're

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very they're very similar, but they definitely have their their differences.

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But I think the primary thing that I love about

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both Vedic and Buddhist teachings is it's practice. It's actually

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like the opening of the Vedas, this five thousand year

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old book says, now we learn to manage the mind. Essentially,

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it does it more eloquently, but it says like, now

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we stop the cessations of the mind, and it's.

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Like to get that power into your hands. Is you know,

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it definitely changed my life, like lots of.

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Meditation, lots of prayer, lots of mantra, just learning how

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to ground everything I learned psychologically into my daily practices.

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Well, and you know, it's just you talk about that

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because I know a lot of times and it's been

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my own personal experience. There's so much talk therapy, but

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I think the key that you really hit on and

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I want I hope people will listen that they are

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listening to this right now. Talk therapy works to a point,

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but it doesn't get to the root cause. And I

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love how you talk about the fact that with Buddhism,

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you know, it's really talking about the ego. How do

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we how do we get rid of the ego that's

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not serving us. I think it's important to have a

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healthy ego, but to have one that is not serving

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us because we want this and we want that and

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oftentimes that And I want you to comment on this

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oftentimes that's reflective of something much more subconsciously internal. And

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talk a little bit about that. Since we're talking about ego,

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Why why why do people, at least in your experience,

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so oftentimes experience this ego that they want to prove

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themselves to be better, that on and on.

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Yeah, I think all humans that I wouldn't have a

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job if we didn't have it. We all have a

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core wound, which is I call it the not enough wound,

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and in some way we feel like we're not enough,

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and we all got a different message. I would say

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it was a different outfit. So we're the told we're

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not smart enough, we're not pretty enough, we're not tall enough,

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we're too short. Even were there's some way which we're

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not being successful enough, we're not We're just we live,

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especially in the Western world, in this culture of access

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and not you know, I feel like that wounded part

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of ourselves really turns into the ego. So I can

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share it from my own story, you know, growing up,

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and we'll get into more of that. But like you know,

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being born to drug addicted parents and not having money

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and all these really difficult things that happened. It's like

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I my mind attached, my ego attached to when I

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have money and I'm successful, then.

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Everything we've better.

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That's like the only problem in the world, and if

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I can solve that problem, then it will make everything better.

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And then I got to my thirties and I had

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the six figure job.

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The car, the house, the husband, like you name it.

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I had every box I was supposed to and I

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wasn't really happy because I wasn't actually living my purpose.

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I wasn't connected myself, my wounded part of myself, the

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person who was just the part of me that was

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so worried I was never going to have enough that

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I was going to struggle financially in my whole life.

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You know, all those things were actually creating for me.

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And that's what I see in almost every person. I mean,

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I live in la where their excess is the is

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the norm. And there are some people who are so

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happy and so generous and so giving because they are

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gaining that wealth from joy, from purpose, from and then

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you know, even giving it away in some ways right

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to share it. But when we're gaining it for the

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self alone, just just because we think it's you know,

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that much money in the bank is going to be enough.

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That partner is.

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Going to make us feel better that when I get

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that body, when I get that surgery, when I take

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these JLP ones, I'm going to be better.

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We will search the whole world looking to fill the

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hole in our heart and only we can do that.

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Yeah, and you mentioned your story. I'd love for you

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to share your story because I think that there will

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be people listening that will be able to identify with

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what you went through and the fact that not only

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do you go through it, but you have been able

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to overcome that. I think is so key for people

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to have that type of hope. So could you share

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your story? Yeah?

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No, I love to share my story because I never

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really knew it was that unique until I got got

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into the world. So as I said, like today, you know,

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I run a practice, I do what I love. I

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actually live in Beverly Hills, California, and that was a

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very different picture from where I was born. So I

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was actually conceived in a Heroin rehab facility.

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My mom had just gotten clean.

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Thank God for me, and my dad was already married

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with children and he left and he actually was a

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Vietnam War veteran, so he had a lot of PTSD,

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so in some ways I was lucky not to be

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raised with him solely, and so my mom struggled with

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fiction until almost two years before she passed. And so

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there was a lot of trauma and instability, ranging from

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you know, the to some abuse. Definitely like a lot

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of insecurity around resources being met. And I basically took

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care of myself from a very young age.

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I helped take care of my little brother.

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When he was around and I left at seventeen years

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old on my own with no parental support, basically emancipated myself,

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put myself through college. I never took out a single loan.

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I worked full time, sometimes two jobs to get it done.

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I paid cash for my degrees because I didn't even

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know how to take out loans or do any of that,

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and I didn't have any credit, so it was kind

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of it was kind of a scary mess, but I

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love to share that because I made a radical choice

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to be very different. I'm the first person in four

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generations to not have an addiction. So when I was eighteen,

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I decided I was never going to drink, I was

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never going to do drugs, and I didn't and my

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family slowly passed away one by one overdoses like I've got.

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My mom died of druggon out all related.

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My older sister passed away, and then my grandma who

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helped raise me, passed away. So even as adult, I

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had just all this massive trauma. My my marriage fell apart.

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So I love to share that as like, I know

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so many people go on these podcasts and they have

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the degrees and all these kinds of things, but like

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I share from a place of like I have literally

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been through hell, Like I have lived through things that

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will crack your soul open, and so I really want

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to share that, like your greatest pain can become your

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greatest power if you know how to transmute it.

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Now, does it? Is it fun?

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No?

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It's horrible.

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I've grew, you know, I've literally I'm the oldest living

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member in my family, so I've grieved almost everyone.

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It's just my younger my two younger.

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Siblings now, and I'm like kind of the sole mom

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left in person to take care of everybody. And I've

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had to take care of myself since I was probably eight, financially, mentally, emotionally,

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every which way, but safety, security, normalcy was never known

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to me, so I always kind of joked that I

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was raised by wolves and I had to figure everything out.

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Sow that is. That's an amazing story. And you know,

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one thing you mentioned there's so many things that are

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affected by those core rounds. And you know, you talked about,

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you know, doing what you needed to do at seventeen

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and moving forward, but you even talked about the trauma

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of your marriage and so forth. What what have you

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found is the relationship between our experiences in life, particularly

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in those relationships, and how do those core rounds literally

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affect that? So as you were going through the challenges

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and obviously there's so many reasons why marriages don't work,

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but yeah, you know there's a you know anyway, but

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what what was your experience and was part of the

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core wounds both on both parts or was it you know,

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other things.

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Yeah, I think those core wounds show up in our

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relationships and actually meant to There's a type of therapy

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called nmago therapy, and I think it's one of the

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best I've seen. It's not a well known one, but

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essentially it's like we are wounded in relationship and we

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are healed in relationships. So we are often wounded in

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our childhood relationships, particularly with our parents, and that's not

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even that and I love to share it. This is like,

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it doesn't mean it was that bad either, Like you

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could have just had a critical parent, like a critical

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mom and a dad who worked too much so you

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felt he was absent in your life.

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That can do its own level of damage.

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And my clients ninety nine forer some of them say

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I have no trauma, and then I talk to them,

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I'm like, okay, well we all have some kind of trauma.

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So I love to redefine that trauma is anything that

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changes how.

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We see ourselves or how we see life.

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So my core wounds were definitely lack of trust, being

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overly independent, not knowing however, lie on people also, and

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then on the flip side, a little bit codependent because

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I had addicts for parents, so then I would overtake

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care of people and wonder why they wouldn't listen to

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me and control everything.

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So a lot of the things I see that are

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like kind of in everybody's.

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Lives, especially high performers, is control, perfectionism, overworking, overgiving, overdoing,

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not taking care of themselves, and these are all responses

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from actually our wounded self. But if we can start

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to see them and start understanding what happened to us,

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how do we start to work through that? We take

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that into our love relationship and ideally we start to

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heal those wounds. So let's say, hypothetically I did have

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a critical mother and an absent father, and now I've

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got both of those things to my partner. Well, if

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I can actually heal that wound and recognize it still

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that every time they tell me something, even if it's

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not being even if they're not actually criticizing me, that's

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how I hear it. I can start healing that lens

295
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with insight within myself, I can start to you know,

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basically in all of our relationships, we have the opportunity

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to heal those triggers are trying to teach you what

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still is tender inside of you and what needs to

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be strengthened so that you can actually be the best

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version of yourself.

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Well, and I think you hit on a key point

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in that person, because, as you say, as a child,

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you know, a parent can say something to us with

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the best of intents and with love and all of that,

305
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and for whatever reason, our perception may be just the opposite.

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And then as you talk about, you know, getting into

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more intimate relationships and marriage and so forth, oftentimes that

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individual will say something to us or communicate to us,

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and we our perception is and based I think our

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perception is based somewhat on those core rounds, and therefore

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we interpret what is being said when in fact and

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an actuality that was not the intent.

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Yes, and of course, you know, we all make mistakes

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and we're all human. We still don't say the right thing.

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But I've definitely found that, like I like to I

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always tell my clients it's like we have a colored.

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Glasses on, and that's just kind of how we see everything.

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And so if my core wound is like I'm not

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smart enough, or I'm not I don't do enough, or

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you know, and then my partner says something that's anywhere

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in that field, that's how it lands for me.

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And that's and that's how I overreact.

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And so it's like trying to teach people to say

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like ouch, that kind of hurt or I remember the

325
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first after been meditating for a while. Luckily my ex

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husband and I we did part amicably. We just got

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married really young. I think I was twenty three when

328
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I was I met him, So I was with him

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from twenty three to forty three, and so we had

330
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a long run and we don't hate each other. We're

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still definitely good with each other, and we both have

332
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other part like we'll both have boyfriends and girlfriends.

333
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Now and we're moved on.

334
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But I did do my very best to go through

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that divorce process as high and noble as I could.

336
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Every time he went lower got angry, I stopped.

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And that was a big thing I learned in marriage,

338
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was like, Okay, when I'm triggered and I'm upset and

339
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I'm at this point, that is when I do not talk.

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That is when I say, like, I'll come back to

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you when it's like you know, it was like all

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that practice of monitoring myself, learning how to calm myself down,

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learning how to notice in my body even like, oh,

344
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I'm sugared, I'm going to say something like bad here

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because I'm mad.

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I can't believe you just said that to me.

347
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And that is really what helps helps heal our relationships

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at the deepest level.

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Well, and you know, you bring up something and every

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you know, as you're talking. I'm just my mind is

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going on and about stuff that just happens to be

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who I am. But what comes to my mind is

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is we're talking about relationships. You know, we talk about

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the core wounds and how that can affect our perception.

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What I have seen is there's some other elements that

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get into that. Number one is and this gets a

357
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little bit off that. There's then the emotional level, the

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emotional level that we are at, are you know, our

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emotional emotional quotient and some people, as you say, you

360
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know your dad PTSD, I guarantee you and I know

361
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that that put him down very lower than normal on

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that emotional scale that you would want to look at.

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And then secondarily, you know, as you talk about communication,

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I look at the stay. You know. I'm certified in

365
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behavioral analysis, and one of the things I have found

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is that in communication, if we do not understand number one,

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how we communicate based on that personality style, and number

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two how those around us communicate, and also understand that

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sometimes the positive to the positive aspect of our communication

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can become negative if we take it too far, and

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particularly for the other person. Have you gotten into that

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at all? Yeah?

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No, I think EQ.

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I mean, all the research shows that EQ is actually

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more important than IQ. Someone with a high IQ can

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be less successful than the reverse. So someone with a

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very high IQ low EQ not very successful. Ironically, someone

378
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very high EQ low IQ more successful. So I always

379
00:19:02.720 --> 00:19:05.559
share that with people, like it's so important. So what

380
00:19:05.559 --> 00:19:10.880
do we mean by eq? 're talking about empathy, compassion, understanding,

381
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and that has to be developed also through your physical body.

382
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This is one part I know that you'll get.

383
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Is like until we start to ground things in our body,

384
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if we can't recognize them, our mind will always run

385
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away with us. So a lot of our reactions are

386
00:19:25.400 --> 00:19:28.079
actually like we've done a lot more research to look

387
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at how the body keeps the score.

388
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That's the famous book on trauma, right. So it's like

389
00:19:32.559 --> 00:19:33.279
sometimes your.

390
00:19:33.319 --> 00:19:35.440
Mind later four hours later will be like I can't

391
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believe I said or did that.

392
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But it's because you're certain part of your brain.

393
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You know, your frontal cortex went off and now you're

394
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in your reptail and brain and.

395
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You've just gone off.

396
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And so I definitely look at helping people develop their

397
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own EQ understand, you know, feel their own feelings, because

398
00:19:51.960 --> 00:19:54.319
a lot of people do not do that understand someone

399
00:19:54.359 --> 00:19:56.960
else's communication style and their own.

400
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And like even when I go and I.

401
00:19:58.240 --> 00:20:00.559
Still work with some companies, like I always do like

402
00:20:00.599 --> 00:20:03.759
basic communication styles like disc even just to give them

403
00:20:03.759 --> 00:20:06.160
an idea of like, oh, this person's a more dominant communicator,

404
00:20:06.200 --> 00:20:08.640
They're going to be more direct and that's not mean

405
00:20:08.759 --> 00:20:11.920
to you. You're an influencer and I so you would

406
00:20:11.920 --> 00:20:13.720
say like, oh, good morning, doctor Doug.

407
00:20:13.759 --> 00:20:15.640
How are you? Would you please do this for me?

408
00:20:16.240 --> 00:20:19.119
So we kind of do the same thing with our partners,

409
00:20:19.160 --> 00:20:20.400
like we have to, you know, it's like we have

410
00:20:20.440 --> 00:20:25.039
to understand love languages and communication style and and also

411
00:20:25.119 --> 00:20:27.079
like if you know their wounds, if you know that

412
00:20:27.160 --> 00:20:30.240
they're their co wound is like they're never doing enough,

413
00:20:30.359 --> 00:20:33.160
then you have you have an opportunity to say things

414
00:20:33.240 --> 00:20:35.880
in a different way, to not or to say like

415
00:20:35.960 --> 00:20:37.799
I know you might take it this way, but I'm

416
00:20:37.799 --> 00:20:40.480
not meaning it that way. And then I think you

417
00:20:40.519 --> 00:20:43.759
were also talking about underneath all that is how we listen.

418
00:20:44.440 --> 00:20:46.680
Because I used to think I was an amazing listener,

419
00:20:46.720 --> 00:20:48.720
but in graduate school I had to go to a

420
00:20:48.720 --> 00:20:51.720
class called the Art of Listening and it was an

421
00:20:51.880 --> 00:20:53.680
entire semester. I'm listening I was like, oh my god,

422
00:20:53.680 --> 00:20:55.720
this is so boring. I was such a good listener.

423
00:20:55.720 --> 00:21:00.200
I was a terrible listener. So even you know, like

424
00:21:00.440 --> 00:21:03.039
shoring up your skills, like the Gattmans have a lot

425
00:21:03.079 --> 00:21:05.839
of great books for relationships and communication and how to

426
00:21:05.920 --> 00:21:08.079
check in and how to frame your sentences, like the

427
00:21:08.119 --> 00:21:11.480
harsh startup, like you never do this. You always make

428
00:21:11.519 --> 00:21:13.519
me feel that way, always going to start a fight

429
00:21:13.559 --> 00:21:14.720
one hundred percent of the time.

430
00:21:15.160 --> 00:21:18.279
So how do we teach our young people before they

431
00:21:18.359 --> 00:21:22.519
ever even get into these relationships? Because I look at

432
00:21:22.559 --> 00:21:27.200
prevention versus yeah versus. All right, now we've got to

433
00:21:27.240 --> 00:21:29.960
deal with it. How do we help our young people

434
00:21:30.039 --> 00:21:32.200
today because we've got so much going on. I mean,

435
00:21:32.240 --> 00:21:35.079
you've got the social media that I guarantee is so

436
00:21:35.240 --> 00:21:40.400
low on that emotional scale that it is causing people

437
00:21:40.440 --> 00:21:44.079
to be stuck down in that anger, down in that frustration,

438
00:21:44.319 --> 00:21:47.319
down in all those areas. How do we help our

439
00:21:47.359 --> 00:21:52.039
young people to be able to recognize number one, what's

440
00:21:52.079 --> 00:21:55.039
going on? And number two, you know, you made an

441
00:21:55.079 --> 00:21:57.799
interesting decision when you were eighteen years old. You were

442
00:21:57.839 --> 00:22:00.160
not going to do drugs, and you were not and

443
00:22:00.200 --> 00:22:04.759
a drink, and that didn't have to be easy, I'm sure,

444
00:22:05.039 --> 00:22:07.640
But how do we help our young people to be

445
00:22:07.720 --> 00:22:10.160
able to have the courage and the strength to make

446
00:22:10.559 --> 00:22:13.119
those type of decisions that say, you know what, I'm

447
00:22:13.160 --> 00:22:17.039
not going to continue in this level of anger and

448
00:22:17.119 --> 00:22:21.240
frustration and all of that. What are your thoughts on that.

449
00:22:21.759 --> 00:22:24.559
I actually taught a program called I Am Me that

450
00:22:24.759 --> 00:22:27.039
out here in Los Angeles and it was really cool.

451
00:22:27.079 --> 00:22:28.440
We taught kids these skills.

452
00:22:28.480 --> 00:22:30.960
So we had one period a day starting about fifteen,

453
00:22:31.400 --> 00:22:34.279
and we talked about relationships and communication and self esteem

454
00:22:34.319 --> 00:22:35.960
and bullying and all these kinds of things.

455
00:22:36.160 --> 00:22:37.400
And I saw great results.

456
00:22:37.799 --> 00:22:40.480
But what can we do as a community as a

457
00:22:40.599 --> 00:22:44.759
whole parent's healthy modeling, like get your own relationship together,

458
00:22:44.960 --> 00:22:47.200
because we know from a lot of research out of

459
00:22:47.240 --> 00:22:50.519
Harvard kids see how their parents are treated by each other,

460
00:22:50.599 --> 00:22:52.559
and that is a huge part of our modeling.

461
00:22:52.599 --> 00:22:53.119
No matter what.

462
00:22:53.279 --> 00:22:55.599
Like, if you want to know if you're a woman

463
00:22:55.680 --> 00:22:57.480
dating a guy in your head, you know you're just

464
00:22:57.519 --> 00:23:00.920
like the general normative person, then ask him how he

465
00:23:00.920 --> 00:23:02.960
feels about his mom. You'll and how his dad treated

466
00:23:03.000 --> 00:23:05.559
his mom. You will know more about him in fifteen

467
00:23:05.599 --> 00:23:06.960
minutes than any other conversation.

468
00:23:07.039 --> 00:23:09.079
I promised because he has so so.

469
00:23:09.240 --> 00:23:11.519
Much of that maps out to what we think and

470
00:23:11.599 --> 00:23:14.799
what we believe. And I'm actually a little bit more

471
00:23:14.839 --> 00:23:18.920
worried about this generation with AI. So we already know

472
00:23:19.039 --> 00:23:21.680
that certain like gen Z didn't really develop a lot

473
00:23:21.680 --> 00:23:24.519
of the interpersonal stuff like where people stumble and they

474
00:23:24.599 --> 00:23:28.880
learn and they conversate and you know, we can agree.

475
00:23:28.559 --> 00:23:30.240
To disagree, Like, they don't have that.

476
00:23:30.319 --> 00:23:32.720
They actually I just did a class with a bunch

477
00:23:32.720 --> 00:23:35.319
of gen zs and they feel like even giving each

478
00:23:35.359 --> 00:23:37.839
other like honest like hey you hurt my feelings is

479
00:23:37.839 --> 00:23:40.960
a form of conflict. So they don't actually know how

480
00:23:40.960 --> 00:23:42.839
to Yeah, They're like, oh, I'm afraid of conflict. I

481
00:23:42.839 --> 00:23:44.960
don't want to say that she hurt my feelings because

482
00:23:45.000 --> 00:23:46.039
it'll start a fight.

483
00:23:46.079 --> 00:23:47.559
I'm like, no, No, that's not conflict.

484
00:23:47.559 --> 00:23:50.039
Conflict's saying like I want to fight you, you're a

485
00:23:50.039 --> 00:23:53.519
bad person, saying like hey you hurt my feelings the

486
00:23:53.559 --> 00:23:56.200
other day. That's going to save your friendship. And now

487
00:23:56.240 --> 00:23:59.920
with the introduction of AI and it giving us these

488
00:24:00.039 --> 00:24:02.440
perfect scripts, I'm actually a little bit worried about people

489
00:24:02.480 --> 00:24:05.519
not actually learning it and saying like oh chat GPT,

490
00:24:05.680 --> 00:24:07.880
what do I say and they'll say it's the perfect thing,

491
00:24:07.920 --> 00:24:11.359
and like there's no we learn in the place of friction.

492
00:24:12.079 --> 00:24:14.880
That's where growth is. You know, pressure creates diamonds. And

493
00:24:14.920 --> 00:24:18.039
I've learned all this by you know, working with couples

494
00:24:18.079 --> 00:24:20.720
and working with business partners and being in my own

495
00:24:20.759 --> 00:24:23.279
relationships and having to fight through each of those things

496
00:24:23.279 --> 00:24:24.759
and like, Okay, that didn't work, and I not try

497
00:24:24.839 --> 00:24:27.559
something else. They're not getting that. And then we have

498
00:24:27.640 --> 00:24:30.200
the COVID era where everyone was like locked away. We've

499
00:24:30.200 --> 00:24:34.400
seen that effect with people not congregating and getting together

500
00:24:34.519 --> 00:24:37.160
and creating community and connection as much like one more

501
00:24:37.160 --> 00:24:39.839
isolated than we ever have been. So I'm just so

502
00:24:39.960 --> 00:24:43.920
worried that like our nervous system really needs connection, it

503
00:24:43.920 --> 00:24:46.240
needs touch, It needs another nervous system in front of

504
00:24:46.319 --> 00:24:47.759
us to actually heal and connect.

505
00:24:48.359 --> 00:24:50.319
Like we are hardwired for human connection.

506
00:24:50.480 --> 00:24:52.000
And I'm just afraid we're all going to be like,

507
00:24:52.240 --> 00:24:53.400
you know, on our phone saying what.

508
00:24:53.400 --> 00:24:55.559
Do I say? Chat tiput, she said this, what do

509
00:24:55.640 --> 00:24:57.559
I say? And you can do that.

510
00:24:57.759 --> 00:25:00.119
You can literally take a screenshot of your text and

511
00:25:00.160 --> 00:25:01.400
say what do I say to this person?

512
00:25:01.400 --> 00:25:02.880
And I will tell you the perfect response.

513
00:25:03.319 --> 00:25:07.599
Oh yeah, and you know it's you brought up something

514
00:25:07.640 --> 00:25:12.160
really interesting. You know, you hurt my feelings, and they

515
00:25:12.200 --> 00:25:16.799
take that as antagonism. But the real question and how

516
00:25:16.799 --> 00:25:19.480
do people get to the point where they have the

517
00:25:19.599 --> 00:25:24.000
mindfulness which then you get back into Buddhism and Eastern aspects.

518
00:25:24.039 --> 00:25:28.240
But the mindfulness and the clarity and the awareness where

519
00:25:28.880 --> 00:25:31.599
I could say to you rather than what you said

520
00:25:31.720 --> 00:25:34.319
just really hurt my feelings or you hurt my feelings,

521
00:25:34.960 --> 00:25:38.920
is you know what when you said that, something emotionally

522
00:25:38.960 --> 00:25:41.759
came up within me that I didn't realize was a

523
00:25:41.799 --> 00:25:44.720
trigger for me, and I wanted to share that with

524
00:25:44.759 --> 00:25:46.920
you so that as you saw my response, it had

525
00:25:46.960 --> 00:25:49.200
nothing to do with you, It had everything to do

526
00:25:49.279 --> 00:25:49.519
with me.

527
00:25:50.119 --> 00:25:52.599
And that's also another thing is like helping a lot

528
00:25:52.599 --> 00:25:54.519
of my clients that help them get clear on which

529
00:25:54.640 --> 00:25:57.559
is it is it actually about you or is it

530
00:25:57.559 --> 00:26:00.400
about them? And that's like the number one thing is

531
00:26:00.400 --> 00:26:02.440
like I always say, all your powers in the pause

532
00:26:03.000 --> 00:26:05.640
between what someone says and what the response is, what

533
00:26:05.680 --> 00:26:10.480
your response is, so stop and say like, okay, that hurt,

534
00:26:10.680 --> 00:26:13.200
if you can hold it for a second, why did

535
00:26:13.240 --> 00:26:16.200
it hurt? And if it was like you know a

536
00:26:16.240 --> 00:26:18.440
lot of an easy question I tell my clients ask

537
00:26:18.440 --> 00:26:21.279
themselves on the trigger is if they can pause. The

538
00:26:21.319 --> 00:26:22.799
first thing I would say is like learn to put

539
00:26:22.799 --> 00:26:24.799
it in the parking lot, learn to pause, learn to

540
00:26:24.839 --> 00:26:26.480
say like okay, I don't need to respond to this

541
00:26:26.559 --> 00:26:26.960
right now.

542
00:26:27.400 --> 00:26:29.640
And even sometimes I just have my clients say like ouh,

543
00:26:29.759 --> 00:26:31.279
you know, like I don't know about that.

544
00:26:31.359 --> 00:26:34.359
Like other persons, so they're not just like leaving.

545
00:26:34.119 --> 00:26:35.039
The other person hanging.

546
00:26:35.400 --> 00:26:38.079
But ultimately I like to people for if they can

547
00:26:38.279 --> 00:26:39.799
to sit with it for a second, say when did

548
00:26:39.799 --> 00:26:43.160
I first feel that? Yeah, because sometimes it's going to

549
00:26:43.440 --> 00:26:44.920
go back a little bit.

550
00:26:45.200 --> 00:26:47.720
You can in a whole NLP aspect of it.

551
00:26:48.000 --> 00:26:50.960
Yeah, And there's so many like tips, tricks and tools,

552
00:26:50.960 --> 00:26:55.759
but yeah, you it's like really ultimately sitting with yourself,

553
00:26:56.480 --> 00:27:00.799
being somewhat reflective, journal, meditate, take walk, I don't care,

554
00:27:00.960 --> 00:27:03.680
but be alone with your own thoughts with no content.

555
00:27:04.200 --> 00:27:06.920
Well, and you you had the talking point that you

556
00:27:07.000 --> 00:27:10.480
shared with me that really resonated with me so much,

557
00:27:10.680 --> 00:27:13.559
and you know, I just started a whole new project,

558
00:27:14.640 --> 00:27:18.400
doctor Doug reflects a quiet return, And the whole point

559
00:27:18.440 --> 00:27:22.079
of that was recognizing that within each one of us

560
00:27:22.559 --> 00:27:25.599
is that goodness within each one of us for those

561
00:27:25.680 --> 00:27:29.400
that can consider it this way, is that divinity, that light?

562
00:27:30.079 --> 00:27:33.640
And you talked about the fact that healing isn't about

563
00:27:33.720 --> 00:27:38.519
fixing yourself, but it's about reclaiming who you are. Could

564
00:27:38.559 --> 00:27:40.680
you share with the audience your thoughts on that, because

565
00:27:40.720 --> 00:27:43.680
I think that's so important. Yeah.

566
00:27:43.759 --> 00:27:48.119
I mean, I feel like like, at the depth of anything, ninety.

567
00:27:47.799 --> 00:27:50.000
Seven percent of Americans believe in the soul, So I'll

568
00:27:50.079 --> 00:27:54.519
use that word. You know, at soul level, we were burned.

569
00:27:54.640 --> 00:27:57.200
We were all born perfect, whole and complete right, and

570
00:27:57.240 --> 00:27:59.079
our soul came in with lessons. I truly believe that

571
00:27:59.119 --> 00:28:02.160
for everything I've ever read, and those lessons are going

572
00:28:02.200 --> 00:28:04.359
to come through difficulty. But at the end of the day,

573
00:28:04.480 --> 00:28:06.759
like we're here to evolve, we are here to grow,

574
00:28:06.880 --> 00:28:10.799
and all we're ever really doing is actually shedding all

575
00:28:10.839 --> 00:28:14.839
of our protective mechanisms, all of our outdated survival strategies.

576
00:28:14.839 --> 00:28:15.400
What does that mean?

577
00:28:15.440 --> 00:28:18.720
My survival strategy was trust no one, do everything yourself.

578
00:28:19.079 --> 00:28:20.440
That didn't work so well to try to be in

579
00:28:20.440 --> 00:28:22.759
a relationship. So those were things I had to let

580
00:28:22.799 --> 00:28:25.519
go of because they're actually stopping me from truly connecting

581
00:28:25.559 --> 00:28:28.200
with people, and a lot of us don't see those

582
00:28:28.240 --> 00:28:31.039
things within ourselves. We think that, you know, there's a

583
00:28:31.079 --> 00:28:34.000
part of us that believes it's really helping us, and

584
00:28:34.039 --> 00:28:36.359
it's hard to see unless we get that feedback from

585
00:28:36.400 --> 00:28:39.160
another human that is actually hurting us.

586
00:28:39.720 --> 00:28:42.079
And so that's where we have to like really look

587
00:28:42.119 --> 00:28:42.480
at it.

588
00:28:42.880 --> 00:28:46.200
Yeah, I love the concept. I just thinking about this

589
00:28:46.920 --> 00:28:50.799
of peeling back that onion. And you know, when you

590
00:28:50.880 --> 00:28:53.880
actually have this large onion and you're starting to slowly

591
00:28:53.960 --> 00:28:58.079
peel back those layers, what's interesting is so often you

592
00:28:58.119 --> 00:29:03.160
start to cry. It's cogent to cry. But the reality

593
00:29:03.319 --> 00:29:07.200
is is we start to feel back those things that

594
00:29:07.279 --> 00:29:10.160
we will then start to feel those emotions once more,

595
00:29:10.759 --> 00:29:12.960
and that is okay.

596
00:29:13.319 --> 00:29:14.599
Yeah, we become free.

597
00:29:14.839 --> 00:29:18.000
I know my dad is like part is a lot

598
00:29:18.519 --> 00:29:21.599
Native American, and so I think my DNA I'm like

599
00:29:21.599 --> 00:29:24.559
thirty or forty. I think I'm thirty percent. But anyways,

600
00:29:24.599 --> 00:29:27.160
I've studied a lot with Native American culture as while

601
00:29:27.240 --> 00:29:29.440
just being so interested in that kind of spirituality, and

602
00:29:29.480 --> 00:29:32.200
they talk about the spiral path, and that spiral path

603
00:29:32.279 --> 00:29:36.039
goes inward, and so we keep taking one step closer

604
00:29:36.079 --> 00:29:38.119
to who we truly are and that's kind of how

605
00:29:38.119 --> 00:29:40.759
I see the life path, right. I built an entire

606
00:29:40.799 --> 00:29:43.240
life until I was thirty that wasn't aligned with what

607
00:29:43.319 --> 00:29:45.720
I really wanted at all. It's what I thought I

608
00:29:45.799 --> 00:29:48.519
was supposed to do and what would bring me happiness

609
00:29:48.519 --> 00:29:51.640
from everything I saw on TV, movies and Instagram, and

610
00:29:51.680 --> 00:29:54.640
it wasn't it. And so I had to get really

611
00:29:55.319 --> 00:29:59.680
clear about, Okay, what is freedom, happiness, joy? All these

612
00:29:59.680 --> 00:30:02.680
things mean to me, not what my parents said, not

613
00:30:02.799 --> 00:30:05.880
what not even sometimes we even react to what our

614
00:30:05.920 --> 00:30:08.400
parents built, you know, they were really structured and rigid.

615
00:30:08.440 --> 00:30:09.440
Then we become.

616
00:30:10.799 --> 00:30:12.559
Want to be like a free spirit who's always messy,

617
00:30:12.599 --> 00:30:14.559
and that doesn't serve us either. So it's like we

618
00:30:15.000 --> 00:30:17.079
do these things in response to a lot of the

619
00:30:17.079 --> 00:30:18.119
things that happened to us.

620
00:30:18.119 --> 00:30:20.319
And I always say, like kind of question everything.

621
00:30:20.880 --> 00:30:22.799
Your mind is like a garden and a lot of

622
00:30:22.839 --> 00:30:25.640
crap got planted there, and you've got to decide, like, Okay,

623
00:30:25.640 --> 00:30:26.880
I got roses everywhere, and.

624
00:30:26.880 --> 00:30:28.359
I also got weeds. What do I want?

625
00:30:28.680 --> 00:30:30.200
Don't want to plant new things, don't want to pull

626
00:30:30.240 --> 00:30:32.599
some of these things out because the roses might be

627
00:30:32.640 --> 00:30:34.960
the idealized version of what your life is supposed to

628
00:30:34.960 --> 00:30:37.160
look like and the weeds might be able the negative

629
00:30:37.160 --> 00:30:40.319
blose you have, and like their happiness lies somewhere in

630
00:30:40.319 --> 00:30:40.839
between the two.

631
00:30:41.359 --> 00:30:44.240
Well, and you know, for those that actually have gotten

632
00:30:44.240 --> 00:30:46.880
to that point of clarity in their lives, or at

633
00:30:46.960 --> 00:30:49.519
least they're starting to get that sense of it and

634
00:30:50.279 --> 00:30:54.160
they recognize those old emotional wounds in their lives. But

635
00:30:54.279 --> 00:30:57.279
here's the challenge, how do you deal with me? Because

636
00:30:57.279 --> 00:31:01.359
so many people resisted? And one of the things I

637
00:31:01.519 --> 00:31:03.720
keep saying, and I love the statement, you know that

638
00:31:03.759 --> 00:31:09.079
which we resist persist, So you know, they're they're they're

639
00:31:09.119 --> 00:31:13.160
resisting it, so it stays there and in other times

640
00:31:13.279 --> 00:31:16.960
they're they're looking at it and they just kind of

641
00:31:17.000 --> 00:31:21.319
stay stuck in it. And how do people learn and

642
00:31:21.400 --> 00:31:24.440
why is it so important? If it's the way, you

643
00:31:24.440 --> 00:31:28.400
would suggest that they learn to accept it, walk with

644
00:31:28.440 --> 00:31:31.759
it and understand it and not fight it. And what

645
00:31:32.000 --> 00:31:33.200
happens when they do that?

646
00:31:33.960 --> 00:31:35.720
Yeah? Well, one of my favorite quotes ever is if

647
00:31:36.319 --> 00:31:38.720
beating ourselves up worked, we'd all be rich then and

648
00:31:38.759 --> 00:31:41.200
happy because we're all really good at it and it

649
00:31:41.200 --> 00:31:43.440
doesn't produce results. So I think we can all agree

650
00:31:43.480 --> 00:31:46.279
on that, And then I think we're also really terrified

651
00:31:46.319 --> 00:31:48.720
to go into the dark places or the heavy emotions.

652
00:31:49.039 --> 00:31:52.240
We think that if we suppress, repress, don't deal with,

653
00:31:52.359 --> 00:31:55.079
it'll be better. And I remember feeling that way too,

654
00:31:55.400 --> 00:31:58.160
like I knew there was deeper work to do. I've

655
00:31:58.200 --> 00:32:00.680
done like kind of the psychology part of it, therapeutic

656
00:32:00.720 --> 00:32:02.400
part of it. But I've been in yoga for I've

657
00:32:02.400 --> 00:32:04.200
been doing yoga from like twenty one, and I remember

658
00:32:04.240 --> 00:32:06.519
the guru said to me, do you want to meditate

659
00:32:06.559 --> 00:32:09.039
or do you want to be miserable? And I said,

660
00:32:09.599 --> 00:32:11.240
because you know, they're a little harsh in a good way,

661
00:32:11.480 --> 00:32:13.480
I said. And I remember thinking, like maybe I want

662
00:32:13.519 --> 00:32:15.160
to be miserable because I don't want to sit with myself.

663
00:32:15.200 --> 00:32:17.519
I don't really want all that stuff from my past

664
00:32:17.559 --> 00:32:18.119
to come up.

665
00:32:18.359 --> 00:32:20.759
Like I'm like a duck. I just keep swimming, and

666
00:32:20.799 --> 00:32:22.559
it's like I just keep trying to get it away

667
00:32:22.559 --> 00:32:25.440
from me. And you can't outrun your past.

668
00:32:25.559 --> 00:32:27.960
It's it's like a dumpster attached to your back and

669
00:32:28.000 --> 00:32:30.720
you're just dragging it with you. And I think we're

670
00:32:30.720 --> 00:32:32.480
afraid that if we open it, we're going to open

671
00:32:32.519 --> 00:32:35.759
Pandora's box. And I remember thinking that, like I was

672
00:32:35.799 --> 00:32:38.559
going to open this my past fully and it was

673
00:32:38.559 --> 00:32:40.400
going to explode and be all over me, and I

674
00:32:40.440 --> 00:32:42.680
was never going to, you know, be okay again.

675
00:32:43.319 --> 00:32:45.599
And I always liking it to.

676
00:32:46.640 --> 00:32:49.559
You're already carrying so much stuff with You're you're on

677
00:32:49.599 --> 00:32:51.960
a thousand mile journey with a hundred pound like a

678
00:32:52.000 --> 00:32:55.920
two hundred pound backpack, fifty kilo backpack, Like it's time

679
00:32:55.960 --> 00:32:58.720
to just start taking some of it out. And it's

680
00:32:58.759 --> 00:33:01.839
not easy, but each stack will get lighter and you

681
00:33:01.920 --> 00:33:03.960
will feel better. And that is the only way I've

682
00:33:03.960 --> 00:33:07.960
seen people's lives change. Now, how without so much force?

683
00:33:08.480 --> 00:33:11.559
Yeah? How do they do that? Is? How important would

684
00:33:11.680 --> 00:33:16.640
meditation be? And as those things come up? What is

685
00:33:16.720 --> 00:33:21.279
the mentality that they should have when those wounds come up?

686
00:33:21.720 --> 00:33:24.240
And how do they approach those in a way that

687
00:33:24.400 --> 00:33:28.200
rather than resisting them or finding them, they're able to

688
00:33:29.319 --> 00:33:32.039
I guess understand them. How do you help people to

689
00:33:32.119 --> 00:33:32.440
do that?

690
00:33:33.039 --> 00:33:34.880
Yeah? Well I always have people tell me their story.

691
00:33:34.920 --> 00:33:36.920
I do a trauma inventory just so I know like

692
00:33:36.960 --> 00:33:39.000
what they've actually been through, and then I kind of

693
00:33:39.039 --> 00:33:41.119
help them start understanding like what is it that I

694
00:33:41.119 --> 00:33:43.920
believe about life? And so great exercise to do for

695
00:33:43.960 --> 00:33:46.160
yourself is for the listeners is just take a piece

696
00:33:46.200 --> 00:33:48.880
of paper and right on the top of like I am,

697
00:33:49.119 --> 00:33:52.240
and start writing, like do it just completely a brain dump.

698
00:33:52.279 --> 00:33:54.480
See what comes up. You might write good things, might

699
00:33:54.519 --> 00:33:55.359
write negative things.

700
00:33:56.000 --> 00:33:58.839
Love is money is Like You're going to learn so

701
00:33:58.880 --> 00:34:00.240
much about like you're just going to start under sharing

702
00:34:00.400 --> 00:34:01.240
your beliefs.

703
00:34:01.759 --> 00:34:03.079
That's one part of it.

704
00:34:03.160 --> 00:34:06.400
Then I'm going to start going into a little bit

705
00:34:06.400 --> 00:34:10.000
more about like attachment wounds, Like you know, how am

706
00:34:10.000 --> 00:34:10.679
I insecure?

707
00:34:10.719 --> 00:34:11.400
Am I anxious?

708
00:34:11.440 --> 00:34:11.480
Like?

709
00:34:11.519 --> 00:34:13.440
How do I feel with other people? How do I

710
00:34:13.480 --> 00:34:16.119
show up? We're I always start with I guess the

711
00:34:16.440 --> 00:34:18.400
one thing I will say I do start with everyone

712
00:34:18.519 --> 00:34:21.119
is I ask them where are you struggling most in life?

713
00:34:21.159 --> 00:34:24.199
Because it all it shows up for every person uniquely.

714
00:34:24.599 --> 00:34:27.679
So sometimes we're struggling mentally and emotionally. Sometimes we're struggling physically,

715
00:34:27.800 --> 00:34:32.519
sometimes we're struggling spiritually. So start there and say, like, Okay,

716
00:34:32.639 --> 00:34:34.719
my body is really speaking to me these days.

717
00:34:34.719 --> 00:34:36.239
I've got a lot of arthritis, I've got a lot

718
00:34:36.280 --> 00:34:38.440
of pain. Let that be your entry point.

719
00:34:38.559 --> 00:34:40.840
Start thinking of, like what's one thing per day that

720
00:34:40.880 --> 00:34:43.280
you can do for yourself to take care of yourself,

721
00:34:43.519 --> 00:34:47.159
you know, like gut issues, all this all have cause

722
00:34:47.199 --> 00:34:49.880
and trauma too. By the way, there's a great study

723
00:34:49.880 --> 00:34:51.760
called the ACES Study as well. You can look up

724
00:34:51.760 --> 00:34:57.719
and it will really an adult like address childhood events

725
00:34:57.719 --> 00:35:00.440
from your childhood and how they affect your adult health.

726
00:35:00.719 --> 00:35:03.920
I think all humans should know their ACES score because

727
00:35:03.920 --> 00:35:06.119
it will explain to you. It's a free online ten

728
00:35:06.840 --> 00:35:09.440
like that's kind of a shorter version of what I

729
00:35:09.440 --> 00:35:12.480
give my clients, So it's just really getting to know

730
00:35:12.639 --> 00:35:15.760
the self. I also do some they called energy psychology

731
00:35:15.880 --> 00:35:18.199
EFT tapping is similar. That's a free thing you can

732
00:35:18.280 --> 00:35:21.159
learn online. But if there's anything I could tell people, yeah,

733
00:35:21.480 --> 00:35:23.400
you may not be a great meditator, No one is.

734
00:35:23.480 --> 00:35:25.400
It's a practice it with yourself. If you can't do

735
00:35:25.480 --> 00:35:29.679
that journal, listen to a guided meditation, take a walk

736
00:35:30.320 --> 00:35:32.800
by yourself without any distructions, you know, just you and

737
00:35:32.840 --> 00:35:33.239
your dog.

738
00:35:33.599 --> 00:35:36.320
Think about like how am I feeling? What do I need?

739
00:35:36.480 --> 00:35:38.760
Is another question you can ask yourself all day long

740
00:35:38.800 --> 00:35:41.440
and start learning. And I hungry, my Thursday, myttired. Most

741
00:35:41.440 --> 00:35:43.199
adults don't actually know well.

742
00:35:43.239 --> 00:35:45.000
And you know, one of the things that comes up

743
00:35:45.079 --> 00:35:48.519
a lot, as I've done a lot of interviews is

744
00:35:48.559 --> 00:35:52.400
this concept of gratitude, and I'm not sure I totally

745
00:35:52.400 --> 00:35:55.320
agree with it. I'd love your opinion on this because

746
00:35:56.239 --> 00:35:59.119
as those things come up, as you look at that

747
00:35:59.320 --> 00:36:02.840
trauma you know, in our lives, early childhood or whenever,

748
00:36:03.599 --> 00:36:06.960
and oftentimes people talk about the fact, Well, if you

749
00:36:07.079 --> 00:36:11.159
can look at that and find some area where you

750
00:36:11.719 --> 00:36:16.159
recognize that, you can be grateful, you know, for whatever

751
00:36:16.679 --> 00:36:18.880
you know. For instance, if i had an experience in

752
00:36:19.000 --> 00:36:23.199
childhood and now I'm recognizing that because I've experienced it,

753
00:36:23.360 --> 00:36:26.599
understood it, let it be there, but not let it

754
00:36:26.639 --> 00:36:30.199
affect me anymore, I may be more inclined to talk

755
00:36:30.239 --> 00:36:33.639
about things or to try to help people in different ways,

756
00:36:33.719 --> 00:36:37.079
and so I could be grateful for that positive aspect

757
00:36:37.119 --> 00:36:41.119
of it, but definitely not be grateful for what actually happened.

758
00:36:41.599 --> 00:36:45.280
What are your thoughts about gratitude and how does that

759
00:36:45.559 --> 00:36:50.119
ultimately affect those core wounds and being able to ultimately

760
00:36:50.199 --> 00:36:54.119
not have them have the power over us that they have.

761
00:36:54.880 --> 00:36:58.400
Like, neuroscience has some good data on gratitude practices because

762
00:36:58.440 --> 00:37:00.920
we all have that what they call it negativity bias.

763
00:37:00.960 --> 00:37:03.599
So it helps the brain start focusing on what's positive

764
00:37:03.599 --> 00:37:05.480
in our lives. I think when we're in a really

765
00:37:05.599 --> 00:37:09.559
rough place, it's hard to be grateful. And I also

766
00:37:09.639 --> 00:37:11.840
find that people when they have a gratitude practice, they

767
00:37:11.840 --> 00:37:14.320
can get really generic. So every day it's like, oh,

768
00:37:14.320 --> 00:37:16.079
I'm grateful I have a house, I'm grateful of food,

769
00:37:16.079 --> 00:37:18.079
I'm grateful that I have my child. I mean, it's

770
00:37:18.119 --> 00:37:20.119
just like the same things. I don't think that's growing

771
00:37:20.119 --> 00:37:25.559
any new neurons, so I don't see a roat like easy.

772
00:37:25.599 --> 00:37:28.400
Gratitude practice is very like supportive.

773
00:37:28.960 --> 00:37:32.280
I will usually have clients do gratitude if I feel

774
00:37:32.320 --> 00:37:34.079
like it's beneficial to them.

775
00:37:34.480 --> 00:37:36.039
This is the gratitude practice, and I'll go into the

776
00:37:36.039 --> 00:37:37.000
trauma gratitude.

777
00:37:38.199 --> 00:37:40.920
There's four levels of gratitude, so it's like kind of

778
00:37:40.960 --> 00:37:44.159
like basic gratitude, and then we get to the fourth level,

779
00:37:44.159 --> 00:37:47.000
which is gratitude for what's happened negatively in our lives.

780
00:37:47.159 --> 00:37:49.400
We've got to kind of go through the other ones first.

781
00:37:49.880 --> 00:37:51.679
I also truly believe that we have to get through

782
00:37:51.920 --> 00:37:52.719
hell before we.

783
00:37:52.679 --> 00:37:55.400
Can get to heaven, meaning that I have to process

784
00:37:55.440 --> 00:37:55.880
that mentally.

785
00:37:55.920 --> 00:37:57.599
Emotionally, I have to greet it, I have to be

786
00:37:57.679 --> 00:37:59.360
angry about it, I have to be sad about it.

787
00:37:59.719 --> 00:38:02.679
Then I can start to say when I have very

788
00:38:02.719 --> 00:38:06.519
few negative emotions about my past, then I can look

789
00:38:06.559 --> 00:38:09.400
at it and start to say, Okay, what did I

790
00:38:09.519 --> 00:38:10.199
learn from this?

791
00:38:10.639 --> 00:38:13.000
It should have never happened to me, but it did.

792
00:38:13.519 --> 00:38:15.920
So what did I learn? And what can I use

793
00:38:16.199 --> 00:38:17.800
from that? What did it teach me? How did it?

794
00:38:17.880 --> 00:38:19.960
How is a lot of people can look back at

795
00:38:19.960 --> 00:38:21.880
the worst things that ever happened to them and in

796
00:38:21.960 --> 00:38:23.760
some way it made them better or it led them

797
00:38:23.800 --> 00:38:27.119
to something else. So when I do a daily gratitude practice,

798
00:38:27.199 --> 00:38:29.440
I want them to start focusing on what's something I'm

799
00:38:29.440 --> 00:38:31.760
proud of that I did today? Like it's a really

800
00:38:31.760 --> 00:38:34.239
hard on themselves, are really perfectionist, Like what are the

801
00:38:34.239 --> 00:38:36.920
three things you got done? Like I started a conversation

802
00:38:37.000 --> 00:38:39.559
with someone, I reached out to my mom even though

803
00:38:39.559 --> 00:38:42.079
we're fighting, You know anything, you're proud, Like I'm grateful

804
00:38:42.119 --> 00:38:44.840
I did these things. So it's very specific, it's very

805
00:38:46.119 --> 00:38:47.800
You really have to look at your day and focus.

806
00:38:47.840 --> 00:38:49.719
That's going to create a lot more neural networks.

807
00:38:49.760 --> 00:38:51.519
We also want to use our hands to write it

808
00:38:51.880 --> 00:38:53.880
because the brain in the hands, you know, we learned

809
00:38:53.920 --> 00:38:56.199
to write. There's a lot more neurons that can be done.

810
00:38:56.280 --> 00:38:57.800
I also what I call like a wind, So I

811
00:38:57.840 --> 00:38:59.480
call that kind of a win gratitude.

812
00:39:00.000 --> 00:39:01.559
What are some little wins I had today so I

813
00:39:01.559 --> 00:39:03.400
can actually see something good that I did.

814
00:39:03.880 --> 00:39:05.840
Especially if I'm being hard on myself all the time,

815
00:39:05.840 --> 00:39:09.159
I find out to be really effective. Then when I

816
00:39:09.199 --> 00:39:12.639
look at that gratitude for something that's like really difficult

817
00:39:12.719 --> 00:39:14.239
in my life, like I said, I want someone to

818
00:39:14.239 --> 00:39:18.599
get through the pain of it first, because otherwise what

819
00:39:18.599 --> 00:39:21.239
we're doing is we're doing kind of toxic positivity or

820
00:39:21.239 --> 00:39:24.079
we're bypassing the difficulty, and a lot of us really

821
00:39:24.079 --> 00:39:26.639
like kind of like I hate to use the word,

822
00:39:26.679 --> 00:39:29.800
but like spiritually people will do that. They're like, Oh,

823
00:39:29.880 --> 00:39:31.599
I had all this trauma, but it's made me such

824
00:39:31.599 --> 00:39:33.960
a light worker and I'm so amazing now and I

825
00:39:34.159 --> 00:39:35.679
channel Palladian people.

826
00:39:35.719 --> 00:39:39.280
It's like, no, did you feel all of that stuff?

827
00:39:39.480 --> 00:39:42.920
Because I did ten years of forgiveness work with my

828
00:39:43.000 --> 00:39:46.679
mom ten years because there was so much pain and

829
00:39:46.719 --> 00:39:48.800
trauma and difficulty, and I would go into that. I

830
00:39:48.840 --> 00:39:51.159
think forgiveness is an active process, not to let her

831
00:39:51.199 --> 00:39:53.320
off the hook at all, but to let me off

832
00:39:53.320 --> 00:39:56.039
the hook. Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. But

833
00:39:56.440 --> 00:39:58.119
I think, you know, I kind of journal about a

834
00:39:58.159 --> 00:40:00.800
process and say like, Mom, I forgive you foo. And

835
00:40:00.840 --> 00:40:04.239
then when I got through all of that, and I

836
00:40:04.239 --> 00:40:05.960
had a very severe case. So I'm not saying I

837
00:40:06.000 --> 00:40:07.480
don't want to want to freak out, like, oh my gosh,

838
00:40:07.519 --> 00:40:09.840
I not ten years to do my taky ten weeks,

839
00:40:10.360 --> 00:40:11.239
only ten months.

840
00:40:11.239 --> 00:40:11.639
I don't know.

841
00:40:12.360 --> 00:40:14.119
So for me, I had a very severe case. My

842
00:40:14.159 --> 00:40:16.800
mom was my greatest teacher on the planet. And then

843
00:40:16.840 --> 00:40:19.079
when I think of her, I don't think of all

844
00:40:19.119 --> 00:40:22.599
the horrible things I think of, like the same scenario,

845
00:40:22.599 --> 00:40:25.519
like we're talking about perception, Like I'll tell you a

846
00:40:25.559 --> 00:40:28.159
crazy story because it's true. But there was a time

847
00:40:28.199 --> 00:40:30.960
that my older sister Linda was being beat up by

848
00:40:30.960 --> 00:40:33.800
the sky and my mom got a gun, like twenty

849
00:40:33.840 --> 00:40:36.079
two handled pearl hand. I'll never forget it. She had

850
00:40:36.079 --> 00:40:38.800
it between her legs. We rolled up to his house

851
00:40:39.360 --> 00:40:42.039
and she jumped out of that car and like was like,

852
00:40:42.079 --> 00:40:44.440
if you ever touch my daughter again, I like, I.

853
00:40:44.400 --> 00:40:45.000
Will end you.

854
00:40:45.360 --> 00:40:49.119
Like she was very very clear and draft and strong,

855
00:40:49.440 --> 00:40:51.440
and when I was a kid, obviously this could crap

856
00:40:51.480 --> 00:40:52.519
out of me. And I was like Oh my god,

857
00:40:52.559 --> 00:40:54.599
my mom was a terrifying person on the planet, you

858
00:40:54.639 --> 00:40:56.480
know what I mean, Because it's like it was just

859
00:40:56.519 --> 00:40:58.079
like I think I was like eight years old, nine

860
00:40:58.119 --> 00:41:00.360
years old, But now I look at that and I'm like, wow,

861
00:41:00.440 --> 00:41:02.840
I molm would have done anything to protect it. Literally,

862
00:41:02.840 --> 00:41:05.000
I mean like that's like, that's amazing, Like the whole

863
00:41:05.480 --> 00:41:08.000
gutsy that was. She was a tiny like one hundred

864
00:41:08.039 --> 00:41:11.639
and ten pound five five women and she rolled up

865
00:41:11.639 --> 00:41:14.519
on that person like she did was like the biggest

866
00:41:14.559 --> 00:41:15.519
man on the planet.

867
00:41:15.800 --> 00:41:17.960
Well, and you know, I think you've hit on so

868
00:41:18.039 --> 00:41:20.840
many points. And we even get back to Buddhism again,

869
00:41:21.400 --> 00:41:25.679
it's not that we're not going to suffer, that we

870
00:41:25.760 --> 00:41:30.000
get to the point when whatever occurs that would cause

871
00:41:30.079 --> 00:41:34.840
others to suffer, we have gotten the mindset and the

872
00:41:34.880 --> 00:41:39.119
ability to look at that situation and not allow it

873
00:41:39.159 --> 00:41:43.159
to affect us so deeply. So we're getting real close

874
00:41:43.199 --> 00:41:46.880
to the clothes here. So we could go we could

875
00:41:46.960 --> 00:41:51.679
go on for quite a lot, I think, but as

876
00:41:51.719 --> 00:41:55.320
we close, two things I want you to be able

877
00:41:55.320 --> 00:41:57.719
to do. Number One, share with the audience how they

878
00:41:57.719 --> 00:42:00.719
can find you. Okay, and you're sir RESI. And then

879
00:42:00.800 --> 00:42:04.760
number two. Sure kind of the final thought that you'd

880
00:42:04.800 --> 00:42:07.239
like to share with the audience, Yeah, for sure.

881
00:42:07.360 --> 00:42:10.760
Well, first, you can find on a website Torrijena dot

882
00:42:10.760 --> 00:42:12.119
com t O R I.

883
00:42:12.039 --> 00:42:13.119
J E n A E.

884
00:42:13.880 --> 00:42:17.639
And I do have this free workbook on there with

885
00:42:17.920 --> 00:42:20.079
the set like psychological wounds, So we kind of talked

886
00:42:20.079 --> 00:42:21.800
a lot about them, like you have kind of an

887
00:42:21.840 --> 00:42:24.920
easy how to find them. It's like very clear, like

888
00:42:24.960 --> 00:42:26.760
the abandoned wound, such shows up in your life.

889
00:42:26.760 --> 00:42:28.239
These are the things you say, the things you think

890
00:42:28.320 --> 00:42:30.719
that shows up your relationship, easypasy.

891
00:42:31.519 --> 00:42:33.400
So I've kind of distilled a lot of that worked

892
00:42:33.400 --> 00:42:37.199
down also on Instagram at Tory dot Jana and you

893
00:42:37.199 --> 00:42:40.320
can always DM me there and just say hi or follows.

894
00:42:40.400 --> 00:42:42.440
I don't do a ton of posting except my podcast

895
00:42:42.480 --> 00:42:46.840
because that's only content I love to post. But I

896
00:42:46.840 --> 00:42:49.400
think my final thought or what I love to share

897
00:42:49.440 --> 00:42:53.880
with people is that no matter what has happened to you.

898
00:42:53.000 --> 00:42:55.360
You can heal. It's not going to be easy, but

899
00:42:55.440 --> 00:42:58.280
you can choose a different path. Everything that has happened

900
00:42:58.360 --> 00:43:00.000
to us can serve some perse.

901
00:43:00.079 --> 00:43:02.559
This doesn't mean it was fair, doesn't mean it should

902
00:43:02.599 --> 00:43:05.960
have happened, but it definitely can be transformed, and it

903
00:43:06.000 --> 00:43:08.000
has to be transformed on a few levels, my body

904
00:43:08.039 --> 00:43:12.280
and soul. But I am a living testament to that

905
00:43:12.280 --> 00:43:14.679
that everything that happened to me made me who I am,

906
00:43:15.159 --> 00:43:19.519
has helped me serve thousands of people this the last decade.

907
00:43:20.559 --> 00:43:24.719
Thank you and thank you for everything you've shared today.

908
00:43:24.840 --> 00:43:29.079
I think that it's so important and what you're doing

909
00:43:29.559 --> 00:43:32.440
and how you're helping people to overcome all of these

910
00:43:32.480 --> 00:43:36.159
tremendous wounds I think is so valuable. And I always say,

911
00:43:36.199 --> 00:43:38.800
you know what, we try to fix thousands and the

912
00:43:38.880 --> 00:43:41.440
hundreds of thousands, but the reality is if we can

913
00:43:41.559 --> 00:43:45.079
just help the one, that will make an incredible difference.

914
00:43:45.079 --> 00:43:46.719
So Tory, thank you so much.

915
00:43:47.320 --> 00:43:48.760
Yes, thank you so much for having me. It was

916
00:43:48.800 --> 00:43:49.960
an amazing conversation.

917
00:43:50.119 --> 00:43:52.519
Well, I appreciate it, and folks, thanks for listening. I

918
00:43:52.559 --> 00:43:54.719
hope you've gotten some good out of this. And this

919
00:43:54.840 --> 00:44:02.320
is doctor Doug from Thailand saying every conversation on this

920
00:44:02.360 --> 00:44:06.079
podcast eventually comes back to that same question, not how

921
00:44:06.119 --> 00:44:09.880
do I get more? But is this actually who I am?

922
00:44:10.559 --> 00:44:13.559
If something you heard today moved you just a little

923
00:44:13.559 --> 00:44:19.280
closer to an honest answer, that is enough I'm doctor Doug.

924
00:44:19.679 --> 00:44:22.280
This is Inspire Vision Until next time.