July 8, 2024

The Four Pillars of Change

The Four Pillars of Change

The biggest challenge we face in our lives is to be able to make those internal changes from the disabling beliefs in our lives to letting them go and replacing them with empowering beliefs.
Thus enters Kyle Gillette. Kyle has done major research and...

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The biggest challenge we face in our lives is to be able to make those internal changes from the disabling beliefs in our lives to letting them go and replacing them with empowering beliefs.
Thus enters Kyle Gillette. Kyle has done major research and has developed the concept of the four pillars of change that, when followed will absolutely give us the ability to become who we really are and live a life that is meaningful and meant to be lived.
https://gillettesolutions.com

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This program is designed to provide general information with regards

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to the subject matters covered. This information is given with

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the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station

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are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,

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legal counseling, professional service, or any advice.

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You should seek the services.

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Of competent professionals before applying or trying any suggested ideas.

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At the end of the day, it's not about what

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you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what

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you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up,

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who you've made better. It's about what you've given back.

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Thanzel Washington, Welcome to Inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is

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to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you to.

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Do the same.

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Kyle Gillette, Welcome to the show. How are you.

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I'm great, Thanks for having me.

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Doctor doug Hey, it's great to have you on this show.

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I'm really excited to talk about some of the things

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that you've been you know, obviously promoting and particularly in

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your book and so forth. So what I'd love for

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you to do is to kind of tell the audience

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who you are And how on earth did you get

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to this point in your life where you developed this

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whole system of blue leadership as well as other things.

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Yeah. Sure, So what's interesting is you're in Thailand and

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my dad sells oranges to people in Thailand. For sure,

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they expert on California all the way out to Thailand.

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And so I grew up on an orange farm in

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the Central Valley of California, did that life until I

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was eighteen, went off to college and decided that ag

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business was not for me, and ended up choosing a

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different major altogether and went to the exercise science route.

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Ended up wrapping that thing up, and I had gone

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on a mission's trip to India with Gosh, there's a

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church of I don't know how many people, but there's

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twenty people on the trip and great experience there. We

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did our thing, and we came back and I was

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wrapping up my senior year of college and I was

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in short afraid to become an adult because college was

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a lot of fun, had a lot of fun with friends.

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I did a ton of sports, spent a lot of

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time on the beach playing volleyball, surfing. I did okay

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in school, but it was just a fantastic experience, and

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I wasn't ready to go Let's go professional and do

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the whole professional life. And I remember talking to my

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parents on the phone and said, Mom, Dad, I don't

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know what I'm gonna do with myself. I'm a little

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bit lost, Like, you'll figure it out. Maybe you should

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pursue personal training or whatever. They weren't too worried about it,

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but I was terrified, so I would say. Two weeks later,

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I got a phone call from John, one of the

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guys on the trip, and he said, Hey, Kyle, there's

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this opportunity at this men's mentoring program I think you'd

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be a perfect fit for. And I'm sitting at my

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desk in the apartment I was in and thinking to myself, Yeah,

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I need to be mentored. I need to live in

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the program and have the opportunity to be mentored. But

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he was talking about me leading these guys, so I'm going, uh, okay,

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let me learn some more about it. So I go

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to the job to the interview, and I remember pulling

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onto the property and you drive down this long driveway

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onto this twenty twenty acre ranch. It was an old

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dairy farm, not active anymore, and you pull out of

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the property over this creek on this bridge, and then

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there's these chain link fence with a bunch of dogs

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barking at you, but they're happy dogs because it's a

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doggy daycare. You pull up a little further and there's

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this old farmhouse built at eighteen eighty six, wrap around porch,

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American flag, green grass, just beautiful setting. And I'm like,

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what am I getting myself into? I pull up, walk

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up the sidewalk to the front door, knock on it,

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and Jack the President opens it. Long story short, I

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interviewed for an hour and a half. I feel like

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the couch and someone is pushing me down into the

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couch and saying, you belong here, you stay here. So

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they asked me do I want to do this? And

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I said yes, I didn't know what I was getting into. Well,

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ten years later, I finally leave the program and I'm

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married and I have a couple kids, and I'm moving

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up to the Pacific Northwest. But in that window, I

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was mentored for ten years. I mentored others for ten years,

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and I learned business, and I learned at resorts, and

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I learned nonprofits, and I learned all that world and

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then came up here and dabbled a little bit more

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in the nonprofit world and a little bit in the

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corporate world, and then open my own business. So that's

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a little bit of a short version, but that's a

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lot of the history to get to where I am.

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Well, And I know you have a huge focus on

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business and helping business leaders and so forth, and we're

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gonna I have always learned. In fact, I remember when

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I was doing some business consulting, I would tell my clients,

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you know, what we're going to learn here applies to

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your personal life. There's such a correlation here, and so yeah, today,

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i'd love to chat a lot more about some of

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the things that you're doing, things that you use, the

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techniques that you use, and how they can be applied

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to an individual who's listening today in their life. And

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I know there's a lot of things that you talk about.

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I had a chance to go through your book and

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read a little bit of it, and I found that fascinating.

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So first of all, your book, what's the name of

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your book right now?

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Leadership a four part framework for today's leader.

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Okay, great, and quite frankly, as I say, as I

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was reading and it's like, Wow, this is so applicable

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to personal life as well as leaders. So one of

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the things you talk about is the four components have

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change and why is it important to change? So what

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are your thoughts about that? And why talk about what changes?

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And how do we do that?

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Yeah, So do you want me to talk about the

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four pillars in my book or four components of change?

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Well, we can talk about all all of that, I know.

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Also you talk about NLP or non coach, Maybe let's

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start there because that kind of opens up, that kind

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of opens up the foundation of what we're really talking about.

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Because NLP neuro linguistic programming is something to help people

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to do what.

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Yeah, you take NLP is the taking on of the

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habits of people that have got it figured out. It's

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kind of the short version of what NLP is, and

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they've got it figured out through the language that they use,

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the language that they say to others or they say

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to themselves, and that language then programs the way that

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you see the world and it adjusts the way you

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see the world, which then means you change your habits,

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you change your mindsets, and then you change your results.

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So NLP is taking the most effective use of language

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in the lives of other people that were studied, primarily

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psychologists that were studied by Bandler and Griddler are the

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two primary people of an LP using those effective methods

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and then teaching people how to use it in their

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everyday lives and businesses.

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Well, and there's a process too as a coach. If

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you're an NLP coach and you are working with someone,

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what are you trying to do for them? And why

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would someone come to you and say, all right, you

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know what, I need some help. Here's my situation, and

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you're going, okay, and LP is going to work for you,

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and I'm going to take you through some processes.

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Yeah, let me give you two stories. So the first

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story is something that happened today. Actually, well, there's kind

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of three, but the story that happened today is in NLP,

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there's some kind of interesting things you can do because

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you can reprogram the brain with the language that you

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use and the visuals that you use and your approach things.

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And one of my clients has an allergy to eggs,

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and she really loves eggs, but she got some sort

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of a vaccine flu vaccine many years ago and since

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that time, she then couldn't eat eggs anymore, gave a

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terrible stomach ache and worse as well. And so's so

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I'm telling her about this is something I can do

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because I helped my daughter get rid of her allergies,

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I helped a client get rid of his allergy to

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palm oil, and there's other things that I've helped my

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clients with in regards to those things. So I told her,

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she's like, let's try it. And so one of the

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crazy things about NLP is is you're taking a disassociated

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look at yourself. So you're looking at your problem, your situation,

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and you're separating yourself from it. So an analogy of

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this would be journaling. When you journal, you're looking at

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your situation and you're separating yourself from it and writing

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about it. Well, I'm doing that in real time with

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someone as I guide them through the process. So I

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guided her through the process, and she's going to test

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those eggs tonight to see what happens, and she's going

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to be free of it. Is what's going to be

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the coolest part of it, because her brain has let

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go of that thought that she is allergic to eggs now.

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So that do you do you find that that is

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an experience that she had in childhood? Is it? And

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we get real deep here, but is it potentially a

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DNA memory from past ancestors? What? What is it? And

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as you as you say you've helped some other people

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with allergies, when you get back to that area of

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you know, looking at what what is the primary reason

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that that even occurred, what do you usually find?

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Yeah, so if we go into kind of a deeper

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layer of this when it comes to work I do

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with my clients. One of the another story is a

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gentleman by the name of a first name Andrew, and

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he he came to me and he had one of

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those fidget spinners and he's just spinning it the whole

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time that we're talking, right, we're doing his his stuff,

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and he's just spinning this fidget spinner and he's got

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add self admitted. I don't know if it's self I

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don't know if it's self diagnosed or actually diagnosed, but

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he is just all over the place. And the thing

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about the NLP is you do get to the root.

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And so there's a very specific process that I go

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through with my clients where I'm asking them if you

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knew where this issue arised, whatever the issue is, whatever

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the emotion is, or whatever the limiting belief is, if

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you knew what it was, and do you have a

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picture of that, Do you have an understanding where the

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root cause was? They get an idea of where that

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root cause is, and then, because you can't have emotions

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in the future, help them to get before that experience

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and behind it, Because any emotions that I have are

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only for now. If I'm thinking about something in the future,

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I'm anxious about it, that emotion is still happening now.

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And if I'm angry about something that happened in the past,

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that thing happened in the past. But my emotion can

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only be now. And so if I get my client

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to see their experience that root cause of that experience,

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maybe it was a trauma, somebody said something or did

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something that was difficult for them and it really kind

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of tweaked them and created this anger or the sadness

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or some sort of limiting belief. If you can see

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that disassociated watching yourself experience that like a movie, then

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your brain sees it in front of you in your future.

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And since you can't have emotions in the future your brain,

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let's go of it, and let's go of the emotions

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and keeps the learning experience from it. And so I

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do this Go ahead, Yeah.

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Yeah, I was going to say. And oftentimes you reframe

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that experience or do you do that where you help

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them to reframe it from a third party aspect and

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realize that, you know, what I've been believing here is

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not really reality. What is reality is that this is

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what really happened, and that was not me it was

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For instance, I had a client that I did this

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with and we went back and we found out that

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it was his teacher as he was in early grade

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school that was in some respects emotionally abusing him. And

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when that changed, it made all the difference. So do

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you find that that's the case?

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Yep, that's what happens. And most of the time they

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figure that out without too much guidance with me. From me,

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I usually help them to kind of get before the

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experience and then often you'll get that smile, or you'll

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get a laugh, or you'll get the shoulder relax or whatever.

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There's some sort of a physical change in the person

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that you can see and you know that they've learned

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the lesson, that they've let go of the emotions of

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lemning belief tied to it. They've learned the lesson, and

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then from there we're able to press forward with that

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specific emotion or learning belief through all the other experiences

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that also have that emotion or learning belief tied to it,

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And by the time you get to today, they've let

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go of all the past stuff, but they've learned everything

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from it. So I had this thought that I wasn't

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worthy of the mission that I've been given in life.

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That was my hang up. That was a huge hang

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up for me when I was going through this process

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and when I finally got this release where generations ago,

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I saw two men fighting over a horse. Don't know

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what the heck that is. I wasn't alive, but that's

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what my mind brought to me. And whether it was

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symbolic or real didn't matter to me. But for me,

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it was this realization about it was about anger, and

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I was able to select. Actually, I think it might

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have been about guilt, but regardless, I was able to

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let go of that guilt and it freed me to

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let go of the present tense, the present time, guilt,

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and so lots of my clients have gone through that

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type of experience where they see some sort of a

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past event in their life or some metaphorical past event,

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and letting go of that experience and all the emotions

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tied to it frees them from it today, and then

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change can occur at that point. Real change that sticks

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then occurs at that point.

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So what happened with Andrew.

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Yeah, so Andrew had to deal with some family stuff

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with that. So he dealt with the family stuff in

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his past and let go of the emotions tied to it,

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and then he pressed forward into dealing with how that

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was impacting him all the way up to today. Let

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go of those emotions, limiting beliefs, learned the lessons, and

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then we put it into his future, which just means basically,

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if you're going to experience something that would normally make

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you mad or normally make you sad or anxious, how

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do you now predict you're going to experience that? And

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he was able to realize that there was really kind

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of some silliness into the way that he thought he

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was going to perceive it. Okay, great, that's just imagination.

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So let's fast forward two months later and we're having

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a conversation on a hike at five in the morning

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and he's telling me that, dude, my anxiety's gone. I'm calm,

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I'm at peace. When I have conversations with people have

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to interrupt them all the time, I can just wait.

283
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I can just wait for what they have to say.

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He's a real estate agent, they likes to talk, and

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like kind of has to prove himself a lot. And

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so he's telling me this on the hike and he's

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just at this way different state of mind because he

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the lessons he learned allowed him to just relax and

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he doesn't have to prove himself near as much anymore.

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And that changed his fidgeting, and that changed his anxiety,

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which allowed him to really let go of a lot

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of things. And now he and his girlfriend are working

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more effectively together in their business and he's kind of

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in the back burner now instead of having to be

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in the front and always getting attention. So it's really cool,

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he just told me, and I'm like, yeah, kind of

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to be expected, but it's really neat.

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When you get to hear it and see it in

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someone well, and you know the reason I wanted to

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talk about. This is that I find that you know,

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as you know, as you've been on a bunch of podcasts,

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you know, there are a lot of things you can

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talk about about self help and you know, really trying

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to work through a lot of these type of things.

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But I personally have found the NLP if you can

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find a good practitioner that can really help you, it

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is a miraculous thing that can be done to really

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help you. So as the audience is listening and if

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they're experiencing some of these you know, challenges, you know,

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if they could find someone such as yourself and we'll

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talk about how they could reach you. You know, an

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NLP practitioner that really knows what they're doing. It's a way,

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it's a practical way to help them to start to

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do that internalization and release some of those things that

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are going on.

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Yeah, I agree. I was working with this guy today

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and I was helping him with migraines, and so we

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were working through some conversation about it, and I helped

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them create a picture of what his migraine looks like.

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And so he created a picture of the color of

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the sound, the feel whatever, And then I said Okay,

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go ahead and hand it to me, said, give it

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to me so I can get rid of it. I

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can throw it out right. I was just kind of

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experimenting with him to see what was going to be

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most effective to help them let go of this thing.

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And he said, I'm getting a little emotional right now,

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and you know, I noted that in my brain, and

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we continued the process and we finished up. And that

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remains to be seen, right we have to see how

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that plays out for him. But it made me really

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that we hold onto stuff so tightly. That's so bad

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for us. And when you create a picture of what

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it is in your mind's eye of what it looks

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like to have a migraine, or what it looks like

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to be angry at someone, or what it looks like

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to be have a bad habit or whatever mindset's going on,

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that you don't want anymore when you create that image

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and then someone asks you, can you hand that to me?

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Can you let that go? Is essentially what I was

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telling him, And he really couldn't in that right in

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that moment, he really couldn't. It was so tied to

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who he is and his identity that it was difficult

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for him to let it go. And I think that

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it's because it's all intertwined in our wiring, for lack

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of a better term, in our neurology. And until we

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kind of give ourselves permission to let it go, it's

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very difficult to let go of these bad mindsets and

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these bad habits. And then if you don't let them go,

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which is the you know you asked me about change,

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that's the release part. And until you release it, that

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first step of change, we're going to be kind of

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bouncing back and forth. We're going to be yo yoing

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like you do. Like some people do when they diet,

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you know, they lose the weight and they go back

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field habits, they gain it back, they lose the weight,

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back and forth. So we have to let go and

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then you can begin to get free and change your habits.

359
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And so again step one is the release component of change.

360
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Well, and and you know that brings me to chapter

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three of your book, which I really loved, which as

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people start to recognize and actually go through a process

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like that, I think what happens is that they suddenly

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become aware that, all right, this is really what's happening

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subconsciously in my life and it's causing my perception of

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life and my behavior and all of those types of things.

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And then does that move them into what we would

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talk about as far as self awareness. Does it help

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them to get to the point where they're now becoming

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self aware?

371
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Yeah, I mean self awareness to me is simply hearing

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your inner voice, varing yourself and the way you talk

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to yourself. That's the very first part of it. And

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then you start to recognize the habits. Then you start

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to recognize your attitudes. There's a lot of things that

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come with that. I have five mindsets and five habits

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that are tied to it all. But that's the first component.

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And then once you're aware of all those things and

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how you perceive yourself, how you perceive others, you're aware

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of your emotions. You know, your emotional intelligence rises. But

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now you're at a new level of awareness. You're in

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a new level of who you can be. So then

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you got to tap into accountability, You got to tap

384
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into that next level of locking it in, essentially locking

385
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in that self awareness at that new level, because you

386
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never end, you never end the increase in self awareness,

387
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but you've got to lock in at least that new level,

388
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which is where before I wrote that book, or I

389
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should say it this way, after I wrote that book,

390
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I actually got into the LP stuff. And so now

391
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I know how to make that self awareness happen a

392
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lot quicker, lock in the accountability a lot quicker, so

393
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that people can keep that keep the change instead of

394
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you know, having to fight so hard to stay self

395
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aware and keep that new level of change. And that's

396
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been that's been a really cool shift in my understanding

397
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of how those four pillars can be much more quickly

398
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worked through and cycled through because of an LP.

399
00:20:23.920 --> 00:20:26.400
Well, and that's great, And so let's talk about those

400
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you said you had. You know, what is it? One, two, three,

401
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four five mindset? You've got the values, the humble, the patients,

402
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the trusting, the observant. Can you share with the audience

403
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what they are and explain a little bit about them?

404
00:20:40.920 --> 00:20:44.319
Sure? Yeah, So the values mindset is your filter, your

405
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filter for decision making. So you pick your values. You

406
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choose your values based based on kind of a deeper

407
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inner look at who you are and what's most important

408
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to you. And then those five to seven words, sometimes

409
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a few more, but five to seven words really determine

410
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the filter that you use for decision making, and then

411
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humility is accepting feedback. In short, is being able to

412
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see that you don't have it all figured out and

413
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that you know what, I need that feedback. I need

414
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to know where I stand within myself and how other

415
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people see me. Is kind of the simplest way to

416
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look at humility. Patience is pretty self explanatory, right, Being

417
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patient is very explanatory. But the way that I see

418
00:21:30.000 --> 00:21:32.839
it is it's not necessarily patience with others. It's patience

419
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with yourself because most people are really over controlling of

420
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themselves of situations, and I think this ties into anxiety

421
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and worry. Also, yes, we get so impatient with situations,

422
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We get so impatient with what's upcoming that you get

423
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the anxiety building and you get the worry building. And

424
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so if you can just be patient with yourself in circumstances,

425
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which I'm not, that is my worst one for sure,

426
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then but when you can get there, then it's a

427
00:22:07.599 --> 00:22:10.440
lot easier to be aware of what's going on. Because

428
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back to the you can't have emotions in the future.

429
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If I'm constantly thinking about the future or frustrated about

430
00:22:17.359 --> 00:22:20.480
my past, I'm not present, and so I lose my

431
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patience because I'm trying. I'm focusing on the wrong thing, right,

432
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so I lose my patience. And then the trusting mindset

433
00:22:26.759 --> 00:22:32.319
is it's trusting your intuition, trusting yourself, trusting your emotions,

434
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trusting the the insights that you're getting. But primarily it's

435
00:22:37.079 --> 00:22:41.039
about that intuition and going hmm, what is my gut

436
00:22:41.079 --> 00:22:43.960
telling me? Is what is my unconscious telling me? And

437
00:22:44.039 --> 00:22:48.519
running with that. And then finally, observant mindset is it's

438
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about observing yourself and how well do you know your

439
00:22:52.640 --> 00:22:55.440
own body language? How well do you know your own

440
00:22:55.480 --> 00:22:59.000
tone of voice? Do you recognize how quickly you're speaking,

441
00:23:00.279 --> 00:23:03.519
do you recognize your nervousness, eye contact, There's just a

442
00:23:03.519 --> 00:23:06.400
lot of things that are happening when you observe yourself.

443
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And then of course you can do the same as

444
00:23:08.519 --> 00:23:11.960
you observe other people. And I always recommend people check

445
00:23:12.000 --> 00:23:14.200
out DISK for a tool to help you be more

446
00:23:14.240 --> 00:23:16.480
observant of yourself and other people, just as a simple

447
00:23:16.920 --> 00:23:19.200
tool to give you a framework to use.

448
00:23:20.000 --> 00:23:23.359
Well. And yeah, and the disc you're talking about, the

449
00:23:23.400 --> 00:23:30.480
disk evaluation behavioral evaluation, right, yes, Yeah, And you know,

450
00:23:30.599 --> 00:23:33.279
and then to me, that is so amazing. It's such

451
00:23:33.359 --> 00:23:35.960
a good foundation, as you say, to be able to

452
00:23:36.000 --> 00:23:40.160
start to understand yourself and your values and if you

453
00:23:40.240 --> 00:23:42.720
do the real deep one where you really get into

454
00:23:42.759 --> 00:23:45.480
your values and what's motivating you and all those type

455
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of things and really starting to understand that, you can

456
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find yourself in those three different levels. You can be

457
00:23:51.319 --> 00:23:53.759
at that core personality, you can be what I refer

458
00:23:53.839 --> 00:23:56.519
to as the social or the mirror personality. How do

459
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I need to be in this situation? And then obviously

460
00:24:00.400 --> 00:24:02.799
you're conscious of how you're doing. So I love that.

461
00:24:02.880 --> 00:24:07.119
So you talked about awareness, you talked about accountability, and

462
00:24:07.200 --> 00:24:09.519
as someone who's going through that process, then what's the

463
00:24:09.559 --> 00:24:13.119
next step once they have learned to become accountable for

464
00:24:13.240 --> 00:24:15.119
those feelings and for those issues.

465
00:24:16.319 --> 00:24:20.559
Yeah, so I talk about let me talk about accountability

466
00:24:20.559 --> 00:24:22.519
for a second, because I love to go through the

467
00:24:22.519 --> 00:24:26.359
accountability pass and I'll do it quick because it's super

468
00:24:26.359 --> 00:24:29.599
applicable for individuals. It's helpful in business for sure, but

469
00:24:30.079 --> 00:24:35.720
this is really applicable for individuals in any phase of life,

470
00:24:35.920 --> 00:24:39.680
whether they're running a business or on a team or

471
00:24:39.680 --> 00:24:42.559
whatever it is. So I talk about it as the

472
00:24:42.559 --> 00:24:46.160
accountability pass in the book. PASS is the acronym that

473
00:24:46.200 --> 00:24:49.200
I use in the book, and it's something that I

474
00:24:49.279 --> 00:24:51.640
kind of discovered as I reverse engineered how I keep

475
00:24:51.640 --> 00:24:55.000
myself accountable and then I stumbled upon research that proved

476
00:24:55.000 --> 00:24:58.240
it to work, which is usually as a reverse order,

477
00:24:58.640 --> 00:25:01.599
but Michigan State proved it to work, so I'm like,

478
00:25:01.680 --> 00:25:06.880
I'm going with it. But anyway, the P and accountability

479
00:25:06.920 --> 00:25:10.240
pass is passive passive accountability. Long story short here is

480
00:25:10.279 --> 00:25:13.319
you're telling what other people what you want to accomplish,

481
00:25:13.440 --> 00:25:15.880
or who you want to be. You're telling as many

482
00:25:15.880 --> 00:25:19.160
people as possible about this thing that you want to

483
00:25:19.160 --> 00:25:21.920
accomplish or who you want to be, and that creates

484
00:25:22.440 --> 00:25:26.920
this accountability because some of those people follow up with you.

485
00:25:27.039 --> 00:25:29.079
If you tell thirty people, ten percent will follow up

486
00:25:29.079 --> 00:25:31.039
because most people don't care about you, let's be honest.

487
00:25:31.400 --> 00:25:35.079
So those ten percent, those three will ask you. You

488
00:25:35.119 --> 00:25:37.200
go to the gym, or you go to your workplace,

489
00:25:37.279 --> 00:25:38.960
or you talk to your spouse, and they'll say, hey,

490
00:25:39.119 --> 00:25:41.079
how's it going on achieving that weight loss goal, or

491
00:25:41.119 --> 00:25:43.240
how's it going on in opening that business or whatever

492
00:25:43.279 --> 00:25:46.519
the goal is, And that creates this little integrity check

493
00:25:47.000 --> 00:25:49.039
because you said you were going to do it, and

494
00:25:49.079 --> 00:25:51.119
now all of a sudden you've told a bunch of people,

495
00:25:51.440 --> 00:25:53.680
and a few people are following up with you. So

496
00:25:54.200 --> 00:25:56.279
if you want to stay in integrity, you better fricking

497
00:25:56.359 --> 00:25:59.799
do the thing right. So that's part of the kind

498
00:25:59.839 --> 00:26:03.160
of passed the passive part. The second component of the

499
00:26:03.240 --> 00:26:08.279
P is you create this goal that you want to accomplish,

500
00:26:08.319 --> 00:26:11.119
and you write it out as if you've already accomplished it.

501
00:26:11.920 --> 00:26:14.839
So you write it out in present tense. I weigh

502
00:26:14.920 --> 00:26:17.680
this much, or I've accomplished this specific thing, or I'm

503
00:26:17.720 --> 00:26:21.200
on vacation because I've made this much money and I'm

504
00:26:21.279 --> 00:26:24.440
just hanging out and enjoying myself or whatever it is. Right,

505
00:26:24.440 --> 00:26:27.720
I've met the woman of my dreams. And that's the

506
00:26:27.720 --> 00:26:31.279
passive accountability or your brain because your mind doesn't know

507
00:26:31.319 --> 00:26:34.759
the difference between what is reality here and now and

508
00:26:34.960 --> 00:26:39.160
a very well constructed reality in your imagination, and so

509
00:26:39.240 --> 00:26:43.240
it goes after that constructed reality. So that's passive accountability.

510
00:26:43.720 --> 00:26:47.039
Active accountability is of the three that fall up with you,

511
00:26:47.079 --> 00:26:51.400
of the thirty you told you say, Joe, can you

512
00:26:51.440 --> 00:26:54.519
help keep me accountable with these goals? I'm trying to accomplish,

513
00:26:54.599 --> 00:26:57.119
and I'll help you with yours too. We can meet

514
00:26:57.200 --> 00:26:59.480
on a weekly or bi weekly basis to talk about it.

515
00:27:00.039 --> 00:27:01.920
And that's something you can do on a fifteen minute

516
00:27:01.960 --> 00:27:06.720
phone call a zoom in person, and it has extreme power.

517
00:27:06.799 --> 00:27:09.359
This is how we did the men's mentoring program. Every

518
00:27:09.440 --> 00:27:12.759
week for one hour a week, we'd meet with the guys.

519
00:27:13.079 --> 00:27:14.759
We did other things with them, but that was the

520
00:27:14.839 --> 00:27:18.119
deepest change component. And I tell a long story in

521
00:27:18.160 --> 00:27:20.680
the book about this about some guy that was basically

522
00:27:20.920 --> 00:27:24.079
a mute that because I consistently met with them and

523
00:27:24.119 --> 00:27:26.359
I built that rapport and helped them stay accountable, he

524
00:27:26.440 --> 00:27:29.920
opened up and it changed huge things for him, and

525
00:27:30.319 --> 00:27:32.759
it changed my heart and life big time. So that's

526
00:27:32.759 --> 00:27:36.640
active accountability. The first S is structures, real simple, your

527
00:27:36.640 --> 00:27:42.279
to do list and your calendar of awareness and this

528
00:27:42.359 --> 00:27:43.640
new version of yourself.

529
00:27:43.960 --> 00:27:46.279
I'm going to stop you. You cut out there. Could

530
00:27:46.279 --> 00:27:47.559
you say that sentence again?

531
00:27:48.559 --> 00:27:53.240
Yeah? So the first S in past is structures, and

532
00:27:53.279 --> 00:27:56.279
that's your calendar and your to do list, and essentially,

533
00:27:56.319 --> 00:27:58.799
this is your plan for how you're going to stay

534
00:27:59.200 --> 00:28:01.240
at that level of new self awareness that you have.

535
00:28:01.319 --> 00:28:03.079
Are you going to stay accountable to that new level

536
00:28:03.240 --> 00:28:05.920
and also to accomplishing the goals now that you can

537
00:28:06.039 --> 00:28:08.480
because you're at this new level, because you've let goal

538
00:28:08.519 --> 00:28:11.400
of all that head trash that was in the way before,

539
00:28:11.920 --> 00:28:13.640
and you're aware of it when it comes in, so

540
00:28:13.680 --> 00:28:16.680
you can drop it real quick too, right. And lastly,

541
00:28:16.880 --> 00:28:21.799
the second s is self accountability. So, doctor Doug, have

542
00:28:21.920 --> 00:28:25.559
you jumped out of an airplane before? Or zipline or.

543
00:28:26.960 --> 00:28:29.400
No, that's something you'd have to work with me on

544
00:28:29.440 --> 00:28:29.960
a NLP.

545
00:28:30.599 --> 00:28:35.119
Okay, there's some fear there, so you know at some

546
00:28:35.400 --> 00:28:38.599
point when you're committing to something, when you've just let

547
00:28:38.640 --> 00:28:40.880
me say it this way, when you've decided to do something,

548
00:28:42.279 --> 00:28:44.480
if I'm in an airplane and I'm going to jump out,

549
00:28:44.559 --> 00:28:46.759
or if I'm on a zip line or a bungee cord, whatever,

550
00:28:48.000 --> 00:28:49.640
I've decided I'm going to do it.

551
00:28:49.680 --> 00:28:51.920
But I'm still let's go with the zipline. I'm still

552
00:28:52.000 --> 00:28:57.000
on the platform, right, I haven't started zipping down quote unquote.

553
00:28:57.480 --> 00:28:59.759
I'm still on the platform, so I can still quit.

554
00:29:00.759 --> 00:29:02.960
I can still say to the guy that took me

555
00:29:03.039 --> 00:29:05.480
up and say, hey, I'm too scared. I'm not going

556
00:29:05.559 --> 00:29:08.519
to do this. I've only decided I'm going to do it,

557
00:29:08.880 --> 00:29:11.039
but I haven't done the next component, which is commit

558
00:29:11.400 --> 00:29:14.319
And that's the commitment where you go and you step

559
00:29:14.359 --> 00:29:17.359
off the platform and you start zipping a thousand feet

560
00:29:18.000 --> 00:29:20.839
through the air above a tree canopy like my wife

561
00:29:20.839 --> 00:29:24.279
and I did in Costa Rica. Once I'm zipping down

562
00:29:24.279 --> 00:29:27.480
that line, I can't crawl back up. It's over. I

563
00:29:27.519 --> 00:29:31.240
am committed. And so whatever it takes for you as

564
00:29:31.240 --> 00:29:33.200
an individual, when you get to that new level of

565
00:29:33.200 --> 00:29:36.039
self awareness and you get to that new level of

566
00:29:36.119 --> 00:29:40.480
commitment and level of goals, what is that point of

567
00:29:40.480 --> 00:29:46.000
no return? That is the main and primary component, because

568
00:29:46.000 --> 00:29:48.920
that's the one that you one hundred percent control. Right,

569
00:29:48.960 --> 00:29:52.759
you do that and all of a sudden, I'm in.

570
00:29:52.920 --> 00:29:55.880
I'm locked in. It's over, like I'm going to do

571
00:29:55.960 --> 00:30:00.440
this thing. So that's your accountability, pass passive, active structure himself.

572
00:30:01.400 --> 00:30:04.759
Okay, great, and you know you talk You used a

573
00:30:04.759 --> 00:30:06.480
couple of words, and I want to talk about it

574
00:30:06.559 --> 00:30:09.920
just a little bit if you don't mind. You talked

575
00:30:09.960 --> 00:30:12.240
about what you need to do and who you need

576
00:30:12.240 --> 00:30:15.559
to be, and have you really looked at that from

577
00:30:15.559 --> 00:30:18.839
the perspective of how often people are so focused on

578
00:30:19.000 --> 00:30:24.319
the doing that they forget that the most important thing

579
00:30:24.680 --> 00:30:28.640
is to be. I always use the reference of Christ,

580
00:30:29.039 --> 00:30:31.200
and I get I get into trouble all the time

581
00:30:31.680 --> 00:30:34.680
with this question. Did he do what he did to

582
00:30:34.759 --> 00:30:39.079
become Christ? Or did he do what he did because

583
00:30:39.119 --> 00:30:42.799
he was Christ? And what I find is so often

584
00:30:42.839 --> 00:30:45.680
people so focused on the doing. In my personal opinion

585
00:30:45.920 --> 00:30:51.319
is that as we become, our doing just becomes a

586
00:30:51.400 --> 00:30:56.000
natural process that follows who we are. Could you tell

587
00:30:56.000 --> 00:30:57.119
me your thoughts on that.

588
00:30:57.440 --> 00:31:02.599
Yeah, one hundred percent. So when Jesus asked if he's God,

589
00:31:02.880 --> 00:31:06.799
basically he says that he is. He says, I Am,

590
00:31:06.839 --> 00:31:09.720
and that's those are the words that the Lord uses

591
00:31:09.759 --> 00:31:12.799
in the Old Testament to identify himself. He says that

592
00:31:12.880 --> 00:31:16.319
he is the I Am, and and I couldn't tell

593
00:31:16.319 --> 00:31:18.519
you what it is in that be Hebrew. I couldn't

594
00:31:18.519 --> 00:31:20.960
tell you those words in Hebrew, to be honest. But

595
00:31:21.759 --> 00:31:24.519
that's what God says in the Old Testament. And then

596
00:31:24.559 --> 00:31:27.279
Jesus says that in the New Testament. And then he

597
00:31:27.319 --> 00:31:29.160
also calls himself. He says, I am the way of

598
00:31:29.200 --> 00:31:31.640
the truth and the life. I am is also the

599
00:31:31.640 --> 00:31:34.599
way that we speak about ourselves, like you hear the

600
00:31:34.680 --> 00:31:38.240
language like I am a loser, or I am a winner,

601
00:31:38.799 --> 00:31:42.640
or I am a father, or whatever other language, I

602
00:31:42.680 --> 00:31:45.319
am a business hunt. You have all this I am stuff,

603
00:31:45.319 --> 00:31:48.720
and we're really hearkening back to the deeper identity that's

604
00:31:48.799 --> 00:31:52.200
rooted in us, that we were born with. And if

605
00:31:52.200 --> 00:31:55.000
you're not careful, you start putting the wrong identity on that.

606
00:31:56.119 --> 00:31:58.319
You know, you start putting I am an alcoholic, which

607
00:31:58.359 --> 00:32:01.279
I don't like that language for people, right, Or I'm

608
00:32:01.319 --> 00:32:04.720
a drug addict, or I'm whateverl stupid, I'm all these

609
00:32:04.759 --> 00:32:08.240
other things, and then you start to identify with that.

610
00:32:08.319 --> 00:32:10.160
So we got to be real careful about that IM

611
00:32:10.279 --> 00:32:15.359
language and make sure we're choosing wisely the language of IM. So,

612
00:32:17.400 --> 00:32:20.480
for me, with my clients, once they let go of

613
00:32:20.519 --> 00:32:23.039
all the head trash and we do that release work

614
00:32:23.119 --> 00:32:26.640
through NLP and something called mental and emotional release is

615
00:32:27.559 --> 00:32:30.319
one of the primary techniques I use. But after we

616
00:32:30.519 --> 00:32:33.640
let go of all that head trash, then I have

617
00:32:33.680 --> 00:32:37.960
them create a personal avatar that they create for who

618
00:32:38.000 --> 00:32:40.559
they're going to be five to twenty years from now,

619
00:32:41.000 --> 00:32:43.599
and it's who they're going to be first, not what

620
00:32:43.640 --> 00:32:45.599
they're going to be doing, but who they're going to be.

621
00:32:46.119 --> 00:32:49.200
And essentially it's a bunch of im statements and four

622
00:32:49.680 --> 00:32:53.599
components of life spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical. Who are

623
00:32:53.599 --> 00:32:56.079
you going to be in those four areas five to

624
00:32:56.160 --> 00:32:59.359
twenty years from now? You create that and they're all

625
00:32:59.359 --> 00:33:02.400
present tense forms because they're all I am statements, and

626
00:33:02.400 --> 00:33:05.240
then your brain, your unconscious mind, starts to pursue those

627
00:33:05.359 --> 00:33:09.200
I am statements and you're you're building this change into

628
00:33:09.240 --> 00:33:12.359
your life. You create the accountability around that. You make

629
00:33:12.400 --> 00:33:19.079
those decisions that have no point you can't you're that

630
00:33:19.599 --> 00:33:22.839
the as the I'm sorry where you can't return right there,

631
00:33:22.880 --> 00:33:26.119
it's over. You've committed. You get to those decisions where

632
00:33:26.119 --> 00:33:29.759
you just you're committed to it. And so that's how

633
00:33:29.799 --> 00:33:33.119
I approach the being part that I am part when

634
00:33:33.119 --> 00:33:35.559
I'm working with my clients and really for myself, and

635
00:33:35.960 --> 00:33:38.079
I'm trying with my kids. They're young, but I'm trying

636
00:33:38.119 --> 00:33:40.400
with my kids too well.

637
00:33:40.440 --> 00:33:42.640
And you know, as as you say, as you're doing

638
00:33:42.680 --> 00:33:45.000
that and as you're writing down I am this, I

639
00:33:45.039 --> 00:33:46.319
am that, I like that, I'm going to have to

640
00:33:46.359 --> 00:33:51.000
try that. What happens is then at least I would

641
00:33:51.079 --> 00:33:54.160
think that now it's like, okay, I am. And then

642
00:33:54.160 --> 00:33:57.680
when you start to see a conflict of who quote

643
00:33:58.079 --> 00:34:02.640
you are versus you how you are behaving at that

644
00:34:02.680 --> 00:34:06.440
point in time, here comes the doing because now you

645
00:34:06.480 --> 00:34:10.519
can do what needs to be done to modify yourself

646
00:34:10.599 --> 00:34:16.199
to back to where you are where I am yep.

647
00:34:16.360 --> 00:34:19.880
And that's the growth piece, right, because you've got the

648
00:34:19.880 --> 00:34:23.760
self awareness, the being. You have the being part, and

649
00:34:23.800 --> 00:34:26.920
then you have the accountability the doing the doing part,

650
00:34:27.440 --> 00:34:30.360
and then the growing is the having part because if

651
00:34:30.400 --> 00:34:33.480
you have the the I am part, which is self awareness,

652
00:34:33.519 --> 00:34:38.920
and you have the accountability part, you automatically grow because

653
00:34:38.920 --> 00:34:42.039
there's no other option. You're going to grow. And sometimes

654
00:34:42.039 --> 00:34:46.079
it's uncomfortable because it's a whole new version of yourself

655
00:34:46.119 --> 00:34:48.920
and it's scary, but you're going to grow, so growing

656
00:34:49.000 --> 00:34:52.119
is automatic. That's why it's the having because you don't

657
00:34:52.360 --> 00:34:54.639
it's not something you're working for. You're just receiving it

658
00:34:54.679 --> 00:34:57.800
because you've done this previous work. So now I'm receiving it.

659
00:34:57.840 --> 00:35:01.679
I'm having it. Uh oh, now I'm having it. So

660
00:35:01.719 --> 00:35:03.239
what do I need to do? I got to empower

661
00:35:03.320 --> 00:35:07.679
other people because I'm growing so much that I need

662
00:35:07.719 --> 00:35:10.320
to play that forward in other people's lives, and I

663
00:35:10.400 --> 00:35:12.159
might be growing my business a lot, I might be

664
00:35:12.199 --> 00:35:15.360
growing my family a lot, my community, whatever it is.

665
00:35:15.960 --> 00:35:18.960
So I got to rope in other people in the process.

666
00:35:19.639 --> 00:35:22.159
And ultimately, for me, that's the giving part, you know,

667
00:35:22.280 --> 00:35:25.320
be you do have and give. So I've doug the being,

668
00:35:25.360 --> 00:35:27.960
the doing, and the having. Now I get to do

669
00:35:28.039 --> 00:35:31.880
the giving. But what's beautiful is I empower so much

670
00:35:32.239 --> 00:35:36.360
that I my self awareness grows with that because as

671
00:35:36.400 --> 00:35:38.800
you empower more people, you have to become more self

672
00:35:38.800 --> 00:35:41.400
aware in order to do a really good job with them.

673
00:35:41.559 --> 00:35:45.320
So you loop back around to self awareness again, which

674
00:35:45.320 --> 00:35:48.199
then means you have to have more accountability and better accountability,

675
00:35:48.480 --> 00:35:50.599
which then means you grow, which then means you get

676
00:35:50.599 --> 00:35:53.039
to empower more. And then it cycles around in this wonderful,

677
00:35:53.039 --> 00:35:57.480
beautiful cycle of personal development and development of others, and

678
00:35:57.519 --> 00:36:00.239
it becomes pretty automatic at a certain point. Once get

679
00:36:00.280 --> 00:36:02.119
rid of all that head trash, you start to loop

680
00:36:02.119 --> 00:36:05.360
around pretty quick because you notice when you start to

681
00:36:05.360 --> 00:36:08.800
carry the head trash because it feels heavy because before

682
00:36:09.079 --> 00:36:12.840
you carried so much baggage or head trash. There's a

683
00:36:12.880 --> 00:36:14.760
thousand pounds of it. If you add twenty pounds too.

684
00:36:14.800 --> 00:36:17.320
You don't know the difference if I'm carrying a thousand

685
00:36:17.400 --> 00:36:19.599
pounds in a car and I add twenty pounds or

686
00:36:19.920 --> 00:36:22.800
in a truck. The truck doesn't notice a twenty pound difference,

687
00:36:22.840 --> 00:36:25.119
and neither do we when we add twenty pounds of baggage.

688
00:36:25.239 --> 00:36:27.559
But if you remove a thousand pounds and someone tries

689
00:36:27.599 --> 00:36:30.039
to dump twenty pounds on you, you feel it, and

690
00:36:30.079 --> 00:36:32.679
it's easy to say no to that trash. It's easy

691
00:36:32.719 --> 00:36:35.280
to say no to that baggage. And that's where I

692
00:36:35.280 --> 00:36:38.039
want my clients to get and that's where I want

693
00:36:38.039 --> 00:36:41.639
to get too, because it's way easier to not create

694
00:36:41.679 --> 00:36:45.480
those bad habits, create those bad mindsets. They're obvious at

695
00:36:45.480 --> 00:36:46.360
that point.

696
00:36:46.480 --> 00:36:49.679
Well, and I love it's just brilliant how you put

697
00:36:49.719 --> 00:36:55.559
that together with the awareness and the accountability, the growth,

698
00:36:55.599 --> 00:36:59.920
and then obviously giving back and empowering others. I think

699
00:37:00.079 --> 00:37:04.599
that is so fantastic. You know, there's another area, as

700
00:37:04.719 --> 00:37:08.039
I was reading some things that I want to talk

701
00:37:08.039 --> 00:37:11.119
about for a little bit of time, and that's because

702
00:37:11.159 --> 00:37:15.480
I find that so often people in their relationships have

703
00:37:15.679 --> 00:37:20.159
such a challenge because we really have not been taught

704
00:37:20.679 --> 00:37:25.719
how to communicate and oftentimes we're not even aware that

705
00:37:26.519 --> 00:37:28.960
you know there as you as you know there are

706
00:37:28.960 --> 00:37:32.840
three different types of communication and maybe even a fourth.

707
00:37:34.440 --> 00:37:36.719
Would you share with the audience as you talk about

708
00:37:36.760 --> 00:37:40.320
the Blue Shirt leaders, you know, what are the three

709
00:37:40.519 --> 00:37:47.199
v's of communication? And then talk about how the percentages

710
00:37:47.239 --> 00:37:49.480
are and then what is the fourth channel that has

711
00:37:49.519 --> 00:37:51.599
to be so important? Yeah?

712
00:37:51.800 --> 00:37:55.039
So I know I alliterated it, so I might not

713
00:37:55.079 --> 00:37:57.400
be able to do the literation part. But you've got

714
00:37:57.440 --> 00:38:03.320
the vocal, the visual, and the verbal right because I

715
00:38:03.360 --> 00:38:06.440
alliterated it to make it easy to remember. But I'm forgetting,

716
00:38:06.480 --> 00:38:07.159
can you okay?

717
00:38:07.320 --> 00:38:09.800
So you got the verbal, the vocal, the visual, and

718
00:38:09.960 --> 00:38:13.559
you need the percentages or you know the percent okay, okay.

719
00:38:13.360 --> 00:38:17.239
Yes, So when you break that down, the visual is

720
00:38:17.280 --> 00:38:20.679
your body language, and when it comes to the meaning

721
00:38:20.719 --> 00:38:24.800
of communication, fifty five percent of our communication is in

722
00:38:24.880 --> 00:38:27.199
the body. In the body language. So the way that

723
00:38:27.239 --> 00:38:30.320
I'm leaning my shoulders towards you, the way that my

724
00:38:32.559 --> 00:38:36.159
hands are moving, my body stance. You know, I'm in

725
00:38:36.159 --> 00:38:38.840
a pretty comfortable, relaxed stance. There's all kinds of things

726
00:38:38.840 --> 00:38:41.559
happening in my body language in years as well. That's

727
00:38:41.800 --> 00:38:44.679
most of our communication, it's more than half of our communication.

728
00:38:45.119 --> 00:38:48.039
Then you get to the tone or the or the

729
00:38:48.199 --> 00:38:52.119
verbal and that's thirty eight percent. So this is this

730
00:38:52.199 --> 00:38:55.400
is the way that people say things, not what they're saying,

731
00:38:55.400 --> 00:38:58.679
but the way they say it. And this is where

732
00:38:58.719 --> 00:39:01.559
I think a lot of people get in trouble. They

733
00:39:01.559 --> 00:39:04.719
get in trouble with themselves the way they put tone

734
00:39:04.760 --> 00:39:07.840
of voice towards themselves. I'm such an idiot, you know.

735
00:39:08.079 --> 00:39:11.360
Or they get in trouble with other people and they

736
00:39:11.519 --> 00:39:13.920
snap at them with these real quick words. It doesn't

737
00:39:13.960 --> 00:39:16.840
even matter what the words are, because that's only seven

738
00:39:16.880 --> 00:39:19.559
percent of the communication. But because it's the quick snap

739
00:39:19.599 --> 00:39:22.559
and the tone that comes out of it, the kid

740
00:39:22.559 --> 00:39:24.320
picks it up. I'll tell you a quick story. So

741
00:39:25.199 --> 00:39:28.000
I was downstairs making breakfast. I usually make breakfast for

742
00:39:28.039 --> 00:39:31.559
my family. My kids were getting ready upstairs for school.

743
00:39:32.079 --> 00:39:35.480
I'm downstairs and I'm in a mood. Don't ask me why,

744
00:39:35.559 --> 00:39:39.800
but I'm it's it's PMS. Okay, it's piste off man stage. Okay, PMS. Right,

745
00:39:40.000 --> 00:39:42.960
men have it too. So I'm in my PMS and

746
00:39:43.719 --> 00:39:44.440
I'm grumpy.

747
00:39:44.519 --> 00:39:44.960
And my.

748
00:39:46.639 --> 00:39:50.280
Middle kiddo, yeah, my middle kiddo comes downstairs and she

749
00:39:50.360 --> 00:39:52.440
says something and I just snap at her. I just say,

750
00:39:52.440 --> 00:39:54.760
I don't know Haley, like something silly like that, just

751
00:39:55.159 --> 00:39:57.840
real short, that's all tone. I don't know Haley. And

752
00:39:57.880 --> 00:39:59.880
then she looks at me and gets kind of grumpy

753
00:39:59.880 --> 00:40:02.480
and mad at me. Well that happens, and then all

754
00:40:02.480 --> 00:40:06.000
of a sudden, down the stairs comes my youngest and

755
00:40:06.039 --> 00:40:09.880
as Haley's kind of snapping at me, Lydia, my youngest

756
00:40:10.519 --> 00:40:14.599
snaps at Haley because Haley snapping at me, and she

757
00:40:14.679 --> 00:40:17.079
picks up on the energy of that. And then as

758
00:40:17.159 --> 00:40:20.199
that's happening, here comes my oldest Antalie's down the stairs,

759
00:40:20.440 --> 00:40:23.559
walks into the room and then she's like instantly grumpy

760
00:40:23.599 --> 00:40:25.840
at me because of whatever the heck's going on in

761
00:40:25.880 --> 00:40:28.079
the kitchen and how she's like a little bit tardy

762
00:40:28.079 --> 00:40:30.239
to breakfast. And I haven't said a word at this

763
00:40:30.320 --> 00:40:33.880
point since I first got grumpy at Haley. And I

764
00:40:33.960 --> 00:40:36.039
realized in the middle of all this, this is like

765
00:40:36.159 --> 00:40:40.320
literally ten seconds of this disaster that I have created,

766
00:40:40.519 --> 00:40:43.880
I go, this is my fault. In my head, this

767
00:40:44.039 --> 00:40:46.800
is my fault. This is silly, And so I said

768
00:40:46.840 --> 00:40:49.960
something to I think it was to Haley, the first daughter,

769
00:40:50.679 --> 00:40:53.679
and I kind of made her giggle and then and

770
00:40:53.760 --> 00:40:57.199
then I think I like kind of playfully pushed her

771
00:40:57.280 --> 00:41:00.760
tickled lydia and then Analis relaxed at that point, and

772
00:41:00.760 --> 00:41:03.880
then I turned on some music and everything was fine.

773
00:41:04.119 --> 00:41:07.320
But I totally set the tone in a terrible way

774
00:41:07.400 --> 00:41:13.320
by one comment. One comment completely ruined the whole morning,

775
00:41:13.679 --> 00:41:17.360
at least for a minute or two. And so this

776
00:41:17.519 --> 00:41:21.079
is the one that's so easy to miss, but people

777
00:41:21.199 --> 00:41:23.320
catch it. People catch your body language too, but they

778
00:41:23.360 --> 00:41:26.679
catch the tone real fast. We're very in tune to tone,

779
00:41:26.960 --> 00:41:29.599
all right. And then onto the words. Words is the

780
00:41:29.599 --> 00:41:32.400
things that you say, obviously, and that's your seven percent,

781
00:41:32.920 --> 00:41:37.800
so it doesn't Those are very minimal in terms of

782
00:41:37.840 --> 00:41:42.480
the meaning of communication. The meaning in communication, so verbal

783
00:41:42.920 --> 00:41:44.760
vocal or visual.

784
00:41:46.199 --> 00:41:49.760
Vocal and verbal okay, And then there's a fourth one

785
00:41:49.800 --> 00:41:53.079
you say that most people really are not aware of.

786
00:41:54.199 --> 00:42:01.639
Yeah, yeah, So now we're talking about intuition, and what's intuition, Okay,

787
00:42:01.800 --> 00:42:06.159
what's intuition? Intuition is that gut feeling where you were

788
00:42:06.280 --> 00:42:09.079
I call it a thought that's not my own. And

789
00:42:09.159 --> 00:42:11.239
those were there were several of those today when I

790
00:42:11.239 --> 00:42:13.519
was working with my clients just for whatever reason today,

791
00:42:13.519 --> 00:42:17.239
there's a lot of intuition happening for me and I.

792
00:42:17.360 --> 00:42:19.199
In the book, if I remember correctly, in the book,

793
00:42:19.239 --> 00:42:22.440
I challenged people to figure out where it's coming from.

794
00:42:22.800 --> 00:42:24.679
You know, for some it might be coming from their gut,

795
00:42:24.760 --> 00:42:28.000
for others, it could be coming from some like their chest.

796
00:42:28.440 --> 00:42:30.559
Some people experience it in various places. For me, I

797
00:42:30.599 --> 00:42:33.079
actually experienced it outside of myself. I experienced it just

798
00:42:33.159 --> 00:42:34.840
kind of just a little bit above my head for

799
00:42:34.920 --> 00:42:37.039
lack of a better way to explain it. And it's like,

800
00:42:37.079 --> 00:42:39.840
it's this thought that comes to me that's not mine.

801
00:42:39.880 --> 00:42:42.719
I know it's not my thought, and so I just

802
00:42:42.840 --> 00:42:45.039
trust it. I've used it enough now that I just

803
00:42:45.079 --> 00:42:47.079
trust it and I run with it. And it's rarely

804
00:42:47.119 --> 00:42:52.239
a miss. And so honing in on your intuition where

805
00:42:52.480 --> 00:42:55.119
it's your gut instinct is another way to look at it.

806
00:42:55.760 --> 00:42:59.199
That's the fourth type of communication. That's you could call

807
00:42:59.239 --> 00:43:02.760
it spiritual feel want. It's outside of self in a way.

808
00:43:04.199 --> 00:43:05.360
So those are the four.

809
00:43:06.039 --> 00:43:10.440
Okay, so we've got that going. But then, and we're

810
00:43:10.440 --> 00:43:11.920
not going to have a lot of time on this,

811
00:43:12.360 --> 00:43:16.280
but just in general, when we start to communicate with someone.

812
00:43:17.159 --> 00:43:20.719
How important is it? Because you know, in fact, as

813
00:43:20.719 --> 00:43:23.559
we're sitting here talking and I caught myself thinking, all right,

814
00:43:23.599 --> 00:43:24.920
what am I going to say next? And I'm going

815
00:43:25.000 --> 00:43:27.239
wait to wait, wait a minute, I've got to really

816
00:43:27.320 --> 00:43:30.079
listen to Kyle and understand what he's saying, and then

817
00:43:30.199 --> 00:43:34.199
naturally a question will come. How often does that happen

818
00:43:34.280 --> 00:43:38.199
where we someone's communicating to us and we're really not

819
00:43:38.719 --> 00:43:41.239
understanding what they're trying to say.

820
00:43:41.920 --> 00:43:48.159
Sure, I believe the more times that the person that

821
00:43:48.320 --> 00:43:53.039
is speaking to you says, the more they have been

822
00:43:53.039 --> 00:43:56.360
interrupted in their life and not been able to not

823
00:43:56.480 --> 00:43:59.920
be given a chance to share the real thought and heart.

824
00:44:01.480 --> 00:44:03.760
UM to me is a way to tell someone else

825
00:44:03.800 --> 00:44:06.920
to shut up, I'm not done. And you hear it

826
00:44:07.280 --> 00:44:10.599
the ums and the uzz all the time from people,

827
00:44:11.039 --> 00:44:15.280
because so few people can actually finish a thought without

828
00:44:15.280 --> 00:44:19.239
getting interrupted. In ninety seconds, men interrupt women two point

829
00:44:19.280 --> 00:44:21.960
three times. In ninety seconds, women interrupt men two point

830
00:44:22.000 --> 00:44:25.920
one times, so every forty five seconds you're being interrupted.

831
00:44:26.719 --> 00:44:29.559
You can't finish a thought often in forty five seconds.

832
00:44:31.000 --> 00:44:35.000
So there's a book called Words Can Change Your Brain,

833
00:44:35.599 --> 00:44:40.880
and they challenge you to speak in thirty seconds or less.

834
00:44:40.880 --> 00:44:44.360
And I'm not doing that right now because I'm explaining

835
00:44:44.400 --> 00:44:47.079
things in more detail, right and so I'm not doing that.

836
00:44:47.320 --> 00:44:50.159
But this week and my wife and I really put

837
00:44:50.159 --> 00:44:52.360
it to the test. And there's another challenge in there

838
00:44:52.400 --> 00:44:55.000
that says, speak no more than one sentence at a time,

839
00:44:55.039 --> 00:44:57.639
and speak it slowly. So we sat on our lawn

840
00:44:58.159 --> 00:45:00.960
and our chairs in the sun and we just started

841
00:45:00.960 --> 00:45:04.239
talking one and it ended up being about two sentences

842
00:45:04.280 --> 00:45:08.000
at a time, two sentences. And even if the thoughts

843
00:45:08.079 --> 00:45:11.199
not complete, you shut up and you wait, and they

844
00:45:11.320 --> 00:45:14.119
know your thoughts not complete, and so they ask you

845
00:45:14.199 --> 00:45:16.079
a question to help you complete your not to help

846
00:45:16.079 --> 00:45:17.800
you complete your thought, but they ask you to just

847
00:45:17.840 --> 00:45:21.079
basically go on. And it was this beautiful experience. And

848
00:45:21.159 --> 00:45:24.039
we ended up having kind of a shallow conversation, a

849
00:45:24.039 --> 00:45:27.079
medium conversation, and a deep conversation in the midst of

850
00:45:27.119 --> 00:45:31.360
this fifteen minute experience. And we've, you know, we've had

851
00:45:31.360 --> 00:45:34.239
those types of conversations before, but not quite so intentionally.

852
00:45:35.320 --> 00:45:41.800
So what do you do to not interrupt? I could

853
00:45:41.840 --> 00:45:44.400
give you another acronym if you want, I have another.

854
00:45:44.159 --> 00:45:47.039
Acronym for you. I wish we could and so what

855
00:45:47.079 --> 00:45:50.119
I'm going to ask you to do is, yeah, we're

856
00:45:50.480 --> 00:45:54.639
at time. Unfortunately, I'm thinking we could go on for

857
00:45:54.679 --> 00:46:01.519
another hour. But number one, as you think about what

858
00:46:01.639 --> 00:46:03.679
is the message you'd like to share with the audience,

859
00:46:04.760 --> 00:46:05.519
what would that be.

860
00:46:07.159 --> 00:46:13.480
Yeah, I've been a bad example today because I've talked

861
00:46:13.559 --> 00:46:20.360
so much. But what I want to share is ask

862
00:46:21.199 --> 00:46:27.920
open ended questions and be willing to wait even up

863
00:46:27.960 --> 00:46:32.800
to thirty seconds for someone to respond. Give people that

864
00:46:32.960 --> 00:46:38.679
courtesy of asking them a curious, open question and waiting

865
00:46:38.719 --> 00:46:43.159
for them to think and respond, because you're serving them

866
00:46:43.239 --> 00:46:46.679
by helping them become more self aware, and you're empowering

867
00:46:46.719 --> 00:46:50.880
them because you're helping them to think. So that is

868
00:46:50.920 --> 00:46:53.239
what I would suggest people do if they really want

869
00:46:53.280 --> 00:46:55.880
to become more self aware themselves, empower other people, and

870
00:46:55.920 --> 00:46:58.559
really respect and honor the thoughts of someone else.

871
00:47:00.039 --> 00:47:02.280
I love it. I love it. Hey, Kyle, this has

872
00:47:02.320 --> 00:47:05.960
been an amazing conversation. I really appreciate it. How do

873
00:47:06.000 --> 00:47:07.880
people find you? How do they find your book?

874
00:47:08.400 --> 00:47:11.199
Sure? Yeah, go to Gillette Solutions. So my last name

875
00:47:11.239 --> 00:47:14.400
is Gilette Solutions dot com. And then the book is

876
00:47:14.519 --> 00:47:17.320
on Amazon and Barnes and Noble all those other places,

877
00:47:17.360 --> 00:47:20.079
but you can download it for free. I'm giving away

878
00:47:20.079 --> 00:47:23.199
the ebook for free on my website, so Gelette Solutions

879
00:47:23.199 --> 00:47:25.599
dot Com slash book or just click the book link

880
00:47:26.000 --> 00:47:28.079
and you can get a free reading of the book

881
00:47:28.079 --> 00:47:30.719
to learn about what I'm up to and what's in there.

882
00:47:31.159 --> 00:47:32.800
And then you'll get a series from me and some

883
00:47:32.880 --> 00:47:35.440
invites to have a free conversation with me and learn

884
00:47:35.440 --> 00:47:37.559
more about what's going on in my world and I'll

885
00:47:37.599 --> 00:47:38.920
learn more about what's going on in yours.

886
00:47:39.960 --> 00:47:42.519
Well, I have to tell you this has been amazing

887
00:47:42.639 --> 00:47:45.440
for me. I think the way that you have put

888
00:47:45.480 --> 00:47:48.840
things together and organized it in your four pillars and

889
00:47:49.320 --> 00:47:52.880
all of those type of things are so valuable and

890
00:47:53.519 --> 00:47:55.920
I really appreciate it. And obviously you are at the

891
00:47:55.920 --> 00:47:59.639
point of you are empowering other people, because you've certainly

892
00:47:59.679 --> 00:48:02.199
empower powered me today. So I thank you for that.

893
00:48:02.920 --> 00:48:06.320
Thank you you, beat and folks, thanks for listening. I

894
00:48:06.360 --> 00:48:08.400
hope you've really enjoyed this and I look forward to

895
00:48:08.400 --> 00:48:10.960
having you join us again soon. This is a doctor

896
00:48:11.039 --> 00:48:12.719
Duck saying no Mista