Take Control of Your Body and Mind and Thrive

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At the end of the day,
it's not about what you have or even

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what you've accomplished. It's about what
you've done with those accomplishments. It's about

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who you've lifted up, who you've
made better, It's about what you've given

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back Thanzel Washington, Welcome to Inspire
Vision. Our sole purpose is to elevate

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the lives of others and to inspire
you to do the same. Martin,

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Welcome to the show. Well a
doctor, Doug, thank you so much

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for having me. I'm excited to
be with you. Well, I'm really

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pleased, really pleased to have you. This just sounds like a really interesting

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concept that you've developed. So,
you know, I always ask this at

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the first of my podcasts, this
question what brought you to the point Number

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one that you wrote this book,
but number two that you got to the

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point where you felt like you could
and the things that you're focused on,

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because there's not to be some aha
moment or something that happened that you to

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move in this direction. Right,
absolutely, and thank you for that's a

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great question. Thank you so much. So i'd have to go back to

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two thousand and eight and tell a
little bit of my backstory so that it

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explains how I got to this point, to the white book and do what

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I did. And in two thousand
and eight, my wife and I were

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working on a project for five years
to build a multimillion dollar health club and

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tennis center in New Jersey by the
Jersey Shore. And it took us five

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years because anybody that's a businessman knows
you never know what's going to catch you

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in the middle. You know,
you go, you find the land,

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then you have to negotiate for the
land, then you have to find an

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architect and engineers, and then you
know, before that, even I started

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with a feasibility study, it doesn't
make sense to do this and all that.

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And then you have to go to
the town and say, okay,

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look what we're looking to do here, and now this looks good. This

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change this, changed that. And
then they go, oh, by the

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way, you need to do civil
engineering. See the what the parking is

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going to be in your place,
you have enough, what the traffic impact

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will be and all that. So
each one of these added time to the

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project. And the whole time I'm
funding it, I have investors and borrowing

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money to the tune of over three
and a half million dollars, right,

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and if it was in the summer
of two thousand and six or two thousand

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and seven, anytime in those two
couple of years before, and then going

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to the bank was the easiest thing
because they were lending money like it was

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giving out a glass of water.
And that was during the you know,

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the real estate boom where everybody was
able to refinance their house and then go

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back six months later and refinance again
because they kept on moving that. You

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know, the subprime loans were just
such that they're like, yeah, we're

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lending for anything on anybody, for
whatever. So I did that and that

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was part of what I did to
raise the money. But here we are,

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it's the summer of two thousand and
eight. I go back to the

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bank. I'm like, okay,
we've gotten all the approvals from the state

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and the city. We're ready to
go. Go. Yeah, we're not

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lending right now, Like what are
you talking about the last two years?

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You know, three years, whatever
it was. You couldn't wait for me

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to get the approvals, and here
you're telling me you're not lending anymore.

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You know, well things have changed. We're not lending as quickly as we

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were. Before. Little did I
know the storm that was on the on

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the horizon. A month later,
Bernie made off the subprime loans. Everything

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that the financial world crashes at like
a heart, like a house of cards.

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And where am I. I'm the
joker card on the bottom of this

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crash deck of cards. And I'm
not laughing because I've lost everything, absolutely

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everything. Many business people will tell
you you've got to be a risk,

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You've got to take risks, and
they should be as calculated and as you

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can be. And I felt like
I was taking calculated, educated risks,

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not knowing what was going on in
the background with all these you know,

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the financial end, and just like
that, I lost everything. I stopped

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paying my mortgage, stopped paying my
car payments. A few months later,

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my son tells me, Dad,
look outside, they were towing away my

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BMW. Never had that happen to
me before. That was a new thing.

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And I run up to the car. I'm like, please stop.

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They like nope, I haven't paid. I go, well, can I

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take the things out of the car? No? Sorry, and they drive

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away. And about a year later
the house was foreclosed on. However,

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because I lived in New Jersey,
there was so many foreclosures that it took

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them years before they finally acted on
the foreclosure, so the house was lived

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in for a bunch of years later. You know, as this was going

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on, so you can imagine,
doctor Doug, that I went into a

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major depression, you know, and
I you know, and you know,

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I could barely get out of bed
in the morning. I didn't know how

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I was paying bills. I barely
got a a that end job paying me

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next to nothing, and my wife
went to work for the first time in

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her life. And this is how
I was for about a year. And

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during that time, I went on
medication, I was going to therapy,

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I was going to coaching, and
I realized after about a year that this

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depression was situational depression and it wasn't
physiological. So I stopped taking that medication

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and I decided, Okay, now
I got to figure out what am I

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going to really do for the rest
of my life. I don't want to

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be in these dead end jobs that
are gonna take me nowhere, and I

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need to figure something out. But
by this time, I'm in my late

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forties, approaching fifty years old,
and you know, this is still in

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the wake of everything that happened.
So hiring wasn't that easy, getting jobs

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wasn't that easy? And starting something
without with no money was you know,

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basically for the most part out of
the question starting a real business like I

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had done most of my life.
So once I started to come out of

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the shadow that I was under for
this year, said Okay, what do

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I want to do? And I
thought about it, and I realized most

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of my life I was involved in
community events. I was a community leader

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in so many of our organizations.
And as a leader, people would come

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in and say, Mark, and
I can't do what you're doing, and

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I'd say, but I don't want
you to do what I'm doing. I

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want you to give me your talents, give me what you're good at.

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Well, I don't know what I'm
good at. And I would talk to

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them about it and help them find
what their potential was. I realized that

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I was coaching them, so I
realized, oh, that might be something

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interesting. Let me look into coaching. And I went down the road to

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look into all these different coaching programs
and I found a great one that happened

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to be The headquarters was about five
miles away from my home. They have

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locations where they do the coaching training
all over the world, and their headquarters

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was located in New Jersey, five
miles away from where I was. So

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I went in there and I spoke
to the head of the financial department,

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the CFO. I said, listen, I really like to come to your

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coaching program, but I can't afford
it, and I know that if I

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go to get financing, I won't
get it because my credit is screwed up.

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I said, but if I'll make
you a deal. Let's come up

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with a number that I can pay
you every month, and I'll pay you

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every month. He said, you
got a deal, but I'll make you.

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But one part of the deal is
you don't get your certification until you

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pay off the debt. I said, that's fair. It's only you know.

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That's the way it should be.
And I started took He believed in

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me, and I appreciate that.
So now it's about two or three months

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before the coach training was going to
start, and it's my twenty fourth wedding

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anniversary and Doug, doctor, Doug, you know what my wife gave me

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for an anniversary present. I can't
even imagine. She said, I want

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a divorce. Oh wow. So
I was like, why does everything keep

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happening to me? I feel like
I'm getting banged down. Every time I

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get up, I get knocked down
again. And I really thought I might.

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You could imagine my emotions were all
over the place, even though I

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knew it was coming, but I
never really thought it would actually happen.

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I figured I can save it someway. But it was the truth and uh

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but and the old me probably at
that moment, I had to decide,

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am I going to still go forward
with this coaching? What am I going

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to do? How am I going
to go forward? And I said,

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you know what, I think this
is God telling me that you got to

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do this, and really, looking
back now, I think it was.

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And he said he was saying to
me, oh, you want to go

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for coaching, Well, why don't
you figure yourself out as you go through

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this so that you can help yourself
and then help others. So it was

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about two weeks before coach training and
they sent us an email with a bunch

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of books to read. They said, read a couple of these books to

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get prepared to come, and one
of them was The Four Agreements by Doctor

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by Don Miguel Luise. You know
that book. Oh yes, In fact,

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I've read the fifth Agreement too,
Yeah, MeToo. And when I

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read this second agreement, which is
don't take anything personally, I felt like

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he was telling me a secret that
the whole world had been telling me up

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until that point, but I wasn't
ready to hear it until then. So

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it's that basic. The master will
appear when the student is ready, and

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I was ready. I was down, I was every I was like okay.

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And I realized that I was always
taking things personally, and going through

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coach training, I started to unravel
the things that were holding me back,

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and one of them was is that
I was a people pleaser. Now,

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most people will tell you I'm not
a people pleaser. I just like to

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make everybody happy. But when you
go deeper, they realize that really what

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they are doing is they're putting everybody
else first in them last. And that's

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who I was. And with that
came some other things that I took things

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personally that I already figured out that
I was a control freak, that I

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needed to have the recognition when I
was doing a good job because I was

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a people please I was like Marian, you're doing great, fantastic, And

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when all those things weren't falling into
the place, I would lose it.

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I would you know, I would
have I would freak out, I would

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lose my temper to the point that
I was like a I would react to

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everything like a nuclear reactor and I'd
leave all out, all over the place.

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And I realized, thank God that
I think that God put me in

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a position to go through coach training
while I was going through my divorce because

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I was at the lowest point in
my life and I had to figure out

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how to get out of here,
and going through coaching made me understand who

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I was up until that point and
who I wanted to be going forward.

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Wow. And you know what,
you know what gets so interesting when you

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talk about that is, you know, we talk about our emotions and how

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they literally can control our lives.
And oftentimes we look at what we're experiencing

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in our life and we think,
you know, it's that person's folder,

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that person's falder, you know,
God's not watching over me or whatever,

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and we never realize that our experiences
are completely based on our emotions, which

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creates our perception of life. And
as we react rather than have control over

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our behavior and our actions, it
just continues to create the same issues.

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So, and I agree with you. Being able to do that introspective work

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makes such a difference. And it's
amazing how for each of us that some

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point in life comes along where we
finally get that awareness that says, you

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know what, I've got to dig
deeper and figured this thing out. Yeah,

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yeah, it's true. And you
know, I say it all the

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time. At your lowest points is
when you're most introspective, because you're looking

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and say why am I here?
And it's about what do you do about

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that? When you're at that point. One of the things I learned through

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going through coaching is that instead of
saying why does everything keep happening to me?

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Because as you just mentioned, that's
a way of blaming others for what's

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going on in my life. That's
a way of me passing the bok and

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not taking any responsibility. Now,
instead of saying things happen to me,

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I say things happened through me because
it's up to me as to the end

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result. Well, you know,
how how interesting is it to, as

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you say, take responsibility but also
to recognize that when things are going well,

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you can take credit for that.
But when things are not going well,

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you can easily blame everybody else to
take credit for that too. And

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go, okay, you know what, I am creating this situation? Why

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right? Right? And you know, I think that becomes that becomes the

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definition of mindfulness and uh, you
know consciousness. I think so. So

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then the book, at what point
in time did you decide to write the

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book and go ahead and let the
audience know the name of the book.

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Sure, So the book is called
Warrior to Warrior And for all those people

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out there, I'm from Brooklyn,
Warrior with it all to warrior with an

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A, just so you know,
my Brooklyn accent will easily screw that up.

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So yeah, so Worry to Warrior
is actually my second book. So

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a few years after I graduated coaching
te coach training, I had become a

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divorce recovery coach because I recognize how
much coaching it helped me get through coach

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through my divorce. So I'm like, well, that makes sense for me

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to do that. And I came
up with the system and all that,

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and I used the word recover as
an acronym in there to do that.

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And then one day somebody said to
me, Martin, you should write a

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book about your life. I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'm not writing

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a book about my life. And
then a week later somebody sent me an

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email. You know how you get
on those email lists, Yeah, and

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one of them was, come see
about learning about how to write a book

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at a weekend. All right,
let me look into that. And I

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met with the woman who runs the
program, and she's a fantastic woman.

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Her name is Donna Kozik, and
we connected right away, and I said,

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look, I'm not writing my life. I'm I'm just not doing it.

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But I do have experiences of myself
and some of my clients that I

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think would do a good job.
She goes, so, then write about

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that, right about the seven steps
to recover from the emotional step for emotional

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roller coaster that you went on,
and how you don't have that roller coaster

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anymore. It's like, okay,
great, And I wrote that book,

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and then you know, I continued
coaching, but I was never really making

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any money on it. And one
day I looked in the mirror. I

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was in another dead end job,
and I was like, the heaviest ever

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was And I said, you gotta
stop saying, you know, I'm eating

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wrong and it's okay, I'm not
exercising, and it's okay, I'm doing

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all these things and it's okay.
You know I was. I had changed

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from I can't exercise, I can't
eat right to I choose not to At

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least I was doing that. But
now it's start for me to choose to

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do the right things. And I
started to eat better. At A friend

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of mine was on Facebook, a
friend that I went to coaching school with,

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and he said he put out a
post. He said, look,

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guys, I lost a lot of
weight doing a twenty five minute video at

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home. I'm like, oh,
I think I can do that. I

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don't have to buy a gym membership
and figure out how to get there and

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still go to work and all that. So I woke up a half hour

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forty five minutes earlier every morning,
and I exercised, took my shower,

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and went to work, you know. And he said to me one important

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thing, he said, and Martin, I'm going to coach you through this.

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Even though then I thought like I
can't afford even though I'm a coach,

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I couldn't afford to be coached.
And now I realized I can't afford

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not to be coached, because I
need that coaching, that mindset in my

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mind in my life to keep me
going forward. But so I said,

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okay, great, I'm gonna do
it for free, beautiful, And in

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nine months, I lost sixty five
pounds and I was a new person.

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I started to like myself again.
I started to love myself. I built

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a lot of self confidence. I
was eating right, I was reading the

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right things, and I was doing
things. Now, I gotta tell you,

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doctor Doug, I'm ADHD, okay, which I found at in my

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fifties. That's what I was.
I was wondering what it was. But

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anyway, could you imagine an ADHD
guy meditating? Oh believe me. I

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have a few friends that are heavy
ADHD. No. So here I am.

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Somebody tells me you should meditate,
and here's an app so that you

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can do guided meditation. I'm like, okay. I'd sit there for the

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ten minute guided medization and my mind
would be all over the place. When

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is this going to be over all? That would go through my head.

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But one of these times I had
this download of information that I was loving

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my life and everything that was going
on in it, and I wanted to

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show other people how to do that
because now I was also started to date

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again, and I was happy to
be dating because I realized that before,

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when I was getting divorced, that
I was afraid to date because I thought

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nobody would love me. And I
realized that was because I didn't love myself,

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so why would anybody love me?
Right? So here I am.

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And after that ten minutes of meditating, I wrote for two hours, and

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out of that came a an acronym
for life, live incredibly full every day

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Lafi, live incredibly full every day, and for me, it means living

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a happy life and living a life
of meaning. You could be happy with

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no meaning. Meaning is selfless,
selfish, self love, self care.

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But meaning is selfless. You know
what are you doing for others? So

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if you have both of them,
you get it. You're living incredibly full.

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And I was doing that by coaching, I was being I was having

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meaning, I was loving my life. My children and I were were beginning

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to build back our relationship after the
divorce, and my ex wife and I

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now have to say these days we
have a great relationship. But it took

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us some time. She's married again, and I'm married again, so it's

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all good. And I put together
this whole life concept and came up with

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all these things, and I started
coaching people around it. So I mentioned

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I got married again, and then
twenty twenty happens, right, And what

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happened in twenty twenty The world shuts
down like it never did before with COVID,

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And I'm going out every single day. I'm putting a mask on,

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I'm putting gloves on. And you
know, of course, the kids are

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now her kids. I'm living with
my new wife. Her kids are younger

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than my kids. So I'm living
with my new wife and her kids,

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and they're all living in the house
now, and she or working or doing

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school from the house. And she's
working from the house. And I was

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always working from the house because I'm
a coach. I can coach from anywhere.

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I've been using zoom before twenty twenty, and one day I said to

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her about two months said, I
said, let's go to Manhattan. Let's

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go to the city. Let's spend
the Sunday in the city. Okay,

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great, We pile into the car
and we go. And if you know

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anything about New York City, driving
down any of the blocks can take you

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a long time. Well, this
day I drove straight down Fifth Avenue without

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missing a traffic light, and I'm
looking around that. I turned to my

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wife, I said, where is
everybody? What is everybody so worried about?

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You can still go outside, You
could put on your gloves, even

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masks, even gloves, whatever,
stay six feet apart. What are they

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so worried about? And hit me
that the last ten twelve years before that,

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going through the two thousand and eight
crisis, go at financial crisis,

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going through my divorce, and then
going through my weight journey and finding somebody

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had prepared me for anything. And
I wasn't going to be worried about anything

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ever again because I would figure it
out and my emotions. I was now

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in control of my emotions instead of
before my emotions controlling me. So I

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got onto Facebook and I said,
guys, I get it. I know

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why you're worried. I've been there. Let me show you how to go

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from being a warrior to a warrior. I had some fun with the words,

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and that's what became now me saying
okay, I'm down here in twenty

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twenty, let me put together a
coaching program that I can put online,

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and as I'm doing it, I
go I could turn this coaching program into

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a book and into a card deck, which I made as well. So

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I have a book Gold Worry the
Warrior, a card deck Cold Worry the

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Warrior, and a course. Okay, and so let's define because as I

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was chatting with you before we got
online, you know, you think about

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the word warrior and it brings up
particularly politically now, it brings up all

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sorts of thoughts and emotions, battles
and everything else. So why did you

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choose the name warrior? Right?
That's a great question, Doug. And

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I picked it because to me,
when a warrior is someone who goes through

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adversity and comes out the other side
stronger. And to me, going through

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a divorce, going through whatever life
hits you with and getting coming out stronger

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and saying I can beat whatever comes
makes you a warrior. Now it's not

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the traditional warrior as you're thinking,
but I changed. I just thoughted,

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you know, it sounded good warrior
to warrior, so I would go with

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it and flow with it. That's
great. Well, you know, and

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as you talk about some of these
cons that you wrote in the book.

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I know that I know that there's
you know, the addition to that is

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seven steps to uncover the warrior within
and live incredibly full every day. So

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let's talk about let's talk about some
of the things you talk about in the

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book. What are some of those
quote secrets that you learned that you share

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with people, as far as how
do you how do you move forward in

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your life without anxiety? You know, it's interesting, as I mentioned to

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you, I'm in Thailand right now. I'll be heading back to the US

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soon. But as I'm here and
as I've been curious about the culture and

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Buddhism and all of that type of
things, it's fascinating to me that as

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I've been listening to you speak,
I'm thinking, Wow, I was just

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reading this morning a little bit about
you know, how there are certain things

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that we all suffer. How do
we learn to recognize that we're suffering that

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awareness, and then how do we
learn to start to dominate that? And

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and so when you started, you
know, when I saw you're talking about

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how do we get to a point
without that anxiety? I'd love for you

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to share with the audience some of
those thoughts. How what's the power of

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a cycle of a's okay, cycle
of as? So for me, the

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cycle of as takes the law of
attraction to another level. Okay, so

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everybody out there thinks the law of
attraction is you think of something and it

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attracts to you, right that it
has an attraction. But here's the problem.

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If you just think on that level, when it doesn't work, you're

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like, oh, the law of
attraction doesn't work. Well of course,

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because there's more to it. That's
the foundation. So I took the word,

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the three words that all started with
the letter A, and created the

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cycle of ase. And why is
it a cycle because once you're in it,

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it's kind of like a perpetual motion. So the first day is ask

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ask the universe for what you want, as God, ask whoever it is,

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for what you want. It could
be as simple as I've just come

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up with an idea in my head. Maybe I'll do this. That's an

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ask. You're asking yourself this is
a great idea, let me flesh it

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out. Then that leads to the
second a act. It's okay to have

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to ask, But if you're just
gonna sit around and wait for it to

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happen. It doesn't happen that way. You've got to act. You've got

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to do the steps to get what
you want right, put a plan together,

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make this, make the make make
the decisions, and do the work

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to get there. And that's where
the third A comes in. And the

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third aay is attitude. Right,
you have to have an attitude that you're

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not attached emotionally to the outcome,
because when you do, you're giving off

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that of that emotion, that that
vibe of lack. Oh, I have

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to have this. If I don't
have it, world is going to follow

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out fall apart around me. Instead, you should have an attitude of I

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don't care what happens. Of course
I want it to work out, but

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I might hit bumps in the road
of detours. And you know what,

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I look at it as people say, Oh, I ask God for things

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all the time, and he never
answers because if he did answer, he

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said no, because that's not where
you're supposed to be going. And by

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you getting these these roadblocks, it's
the way of saying, it's the universe's

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way of saying, you need to
make a course correction so that you can

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get what you want to what's supposed
to be happening for you. So if

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you have that attitude of when things
come up, it's just by way of

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having to figure out how to get
around them or change direction, instead of

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getting down on yourself, getting down
on the process that gets you through it.

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So it's ask act and attitude.
Well, and it's interesting, you

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know, I think about this a
lot because you know, as we talk

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about faith, or as we talk
about all of those type of things,

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and as you say, you know, here I'm praying, I'm praying,

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I'm praying, and I'm not getting
it, and then they start to lose

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faith. But in my mind is
I've contemplated this very deeply, is that

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we have to be prepared mentally,
consciously, spiritually, whatever that happens to

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be. We need to be prepared
to receive what we're asking for. And

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so many times we've never done the
work, that internal work that you've been

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talking about to bring ourselves to the
point that we're really truly ready to receive

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it. And I think sometimes you
know, you say, well, you

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know, God say no. You
know, maybe sometimes he's say no,

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but the reality is we're saying no. It's also true that we are saying

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no, and until you know,
when our prayers aren't being answered quote,

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it may be time to look at
who am I and why am I stopping

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this from happening? And as you
said, what do I need to what

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do I need to do? And
I even lack a better word, what

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do I need to become? So
yeah, naturally will flow back and instead

385
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of looking for all the problems out
there, when the problems come up,

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I don't call them problems. They
call them challenges. And then it is

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an opportunity. Yes, how do
you take the challenge and turn it into

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an opportunity or a lesson or exactly
we were too. We will all brainwashed

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it to thinking that failure is a
bad thing, and it does have some

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negative too, But you could also
say failure is another step in the learning

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process. Just like Edison said,
when somebody asked them, you know you

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failed a thousand times making a light
bulb, he said, no, I

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learned a thousand ways how not to
make a light bulb. Well, and

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I think that's so important for people
to understand because so often we're so affected

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by our emotions when we quote fail
And yet you know, part of that

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mindset as part of that consciousness is
to be able to look at those quote

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failures and as you say, recognize
that. You know what if I look

398
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at that from a different perspective and
allow it to teach me something? Because

399
00:28:23.799 --> 00:28:29.759
literally I created the failure, So
what do I need to learn in order

400
00:28:29.839 --> 00:28:33.359
to change that? All of a
sudden we begin that path of growth and

401
00:28:33.839 --> 00:28:38.920
awareness that is so important to create
a better life for ourselves. Exactly exactly,

402
00:28:38.960 --> 00:28:41.799
I agree with you, And you
know one of the things is understanding

403
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how your emotions are affecting you and
building that emotional strength. And that's something

404
00:28:49.720 --> 00:28:52.920
that I had to learn. I
had to learn the hard way because I

405
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started to realize that the things that
I thought were my default tendencies that could

406
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never change, change if I believe
that I could change them. So I

407
00:29:03.160 --> 00:29:07.960
had to no longer become that nuclear
reactor and learn how to become a responder,

408
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somebody who responds to things instead of
react. So another thing that I

409
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did, and it's in my book, is I took the word life and

410
00:29:17.640 --> 00:29:21.720
made a sec another acronym. I
have a bunch of life acronyms. I

411
00:29:22.920 --> 00:29:26.079
like the word and it reads so
much to me. So I took it

412
00:29:26.119 --> 00:29:30.519
and I said, I call it
the War is Life code method to build

413
00:29:30.559 --> 00:29:37.000
your emotional strength and rule your actions
instead of your actions ruling you or your

414
00:29:37.000 --> 00:29:42.119
emotions ruling you. Right. So
the first l is listen to your inner

415
00:29:42.200 --> 00:29:48.720
voice and acknowledge your emotions. So
what does that mean. So you're angry,

416
00:29:48.559 --> 00:29:53.400
acknowledge that you're angry. It's okay
to say I'm angry, and you

417
00:29:53.440 --> 00:29:57.960
know what I do in my book
and on my cards as well as anybody

418
00:29:57.960 --> 00:30:00.960
that wants to go, they can
go to my website and get a worksheet

419
00:30:02.359 --> 00:30:07.559
that helps with this and a chart. And the chart across the top has

420
00:30:07.680 --> 00:30:14.519
different kinds of emotions happy, sad, angry, depress, and then underneath

421
00:30:14.599 --> 00:30:18.759
each one of them is a list
of feelings attached to those emotions, because

422
00:30:18.799 --> 00:30:23.599
I think there's a difference between emotions
and feelings. So the first one is

423
00:30:23.880 --> 00:30:30.440
elle listen to your voice and acknowledge
your emotions. The second one is I

424
00:30:30.599 --> 00:30:36.839
identify the feelings that are attached to
those emotions, Meaning you're angry, Well,

425
00:30:36.880 --> 00:30:40.960
what kind of angry are you?
Are you enraged or are you just

426
00:30:41.000 --> 00:30:45.880
a little ticked off? So it's
broken down into three categories. Strong medium

427
00:30:45.920 --> 00:30:51.319
in light right now, if you
use the worksheets or you think about this

428
00:30:51.359 --> 00:30:55.960
when this is going on. First
thing is your emotions start to subside.

429
00:30:56.480 --> 00:30:59.720
The feelings are still there, but
what do you do with them? And

430
00:30:59.720 --> 00:31:03.240
you say, start to name them, identify them. And then the next

431
00:31:03.279 --> 00:31:10.880
step is find out why. Ask
yourself questions, why am I feeling these

432
00:31:10.920 --> 00:31:15.920
emotions? Okay? And what can
I do about it? And then say

433
00:31:15.559 --> 00:31:21.440
cross examine yourself like you're on trial. Why am I feeling is it?

434
00:31:21.519 --> 00:31:23.640
Why is it hurting me? Is
that person hurting me? Why is that

435
00:31:23.640 --> 00:31:27.480
person helping me? Whatever it is? And write it all down. The

436
00:31:27.480 --> 00:31:33.200
more you write it down, it
helps to get through this emotional thing you're

437
00:31:33.240 --> 00:31:37.400
going through and figure out how to
go forward. And the last one is

438
00:31:37.480 --> 00:31:41.920
engage in change and take action right
go out there and do something about it.

439
00:31:42.319 --> 00:31:45.680
And you know, I can give
you a perfect example of my own

440
00:31:45.720 --> 00:31:49.559
life because you know what as a
coach, as an author, if you're

441
00:31:49.599 --> 00:31:53.640
not especially in these help books,
if you're not putting yourself into the book

442
00:31:55.079 --> 00:31:59.200
and you're just writing things of walk
talking to talk without walking the walk,

443
00:31:59.240 --> 00:32:02.279
why should anybody listened to me?
And they really feel that you know.

444
00:32:02.319 --> 00:32:07.000
That's what's interesting is you read different
books. It's interesting how you can really

445
00:32:07.079 --> 00:32:14.759
identify the author when it really feels
genuine versus someone that's just writing. Right.

446
00:32:14.799 --> 00:32:16.200
People have said, boy, you
get vulnerable in this book, you

447
00:32:16.240 --> 00:32:21.000
get raw. I'm like, yeah, because how why would anybody listen to

448
00:32:21.079 --> 00:32:23.680
me otherwise? So here's the story
of how I used life, that life

449
00:32:23.680 --> 00:32:28.880
acronym in my life. So a
few years after my divorce, my son

450
00:32:28.960 --> 00:32:31.200
was getting married. I was living
in New York. My ex was still

451
00:32:31.200 --> 00:32:36.720
living in our foreclosed house in New
Jersey that you lived in for seven or

452
00:32:36.759 --> 00:32:40.839
eight years before they finally a second
away, okay, And we were both

453
00:32:40.839 --> 00:32:45.680
struggling financially at the time. And
my son is getting married, and I'm

454
00:32:45.759 --> 00:32:51.640
Jewish. I come from an Orthodox
Jewish background, okay, a modern Orthodox

455
00:32:52.480 --> 00:32:57.480
and the such. And on Saturday
before we have a tradition in my community,

456
00:32:57.960 --> 00:33:02.079
on the Saturday before the wedding,
sometimes the boy will go up to

457
00:33:02.160 --> 00:33:07.480
the torah and the rabbis will you
give him special blessings and stuff like that,

458
00:33:07.519 --> 00:33:10.480
and then afterwards sometimes there's a lunch
for the family for the boy and

459
00:33:10.519 --> 00:33:15.000
the girl afterwards. So I thought
we had decided not to do it.

460
00:33:15.839 --> 00:33:19.559
My son comes home after the weekend
before the wedding, and he says,

461
00:33:19.640 --> 00:33:24.400
Dad, I'm so sorry. Mommy
made a lunch and invited my wife's,

462
00:33:24.400 --> 00:33:30.480
my bride's family and other people,
and you weren't there. Now, the

463
00:33:30.599 --> 00:33:35.240
old me would have freaked out on
my son and would have called up my

464
00:33:35.319 --> 00:33:38.720
wife, my ex wife, and
ripped her a new one. So I

465
00:33:38.759 --> 00:33:43.640
turned to my son and said,
Caesar, it's not on you. I

466
00:33:43.680 --> 00:33:45.559
appreciate it, Thank you for telling
me. Now I had to make a

467
00:33:45.599 --> 00:33:51.039
decision. So the first ones listen
to my inner voice and acknowledge my emotions.

468
00:33:51.519 --> 00:33:53.759
I was angry, and then I
went to number two. I was

469
00:33:54.000 --> 00:33:59.039
enraged, and then I said number
three, find out why why do I

470
00:33:59.079 --> 00:34:01.799
feel this way? She disrespected me, She showed the children that it's okay

471
00:34:01.799 --> 00:34:05.680
to disrespect me, and all these
other things. And I made a whole

472
00:34:05.680 --> 00:34:07.679
list of the things. And then
I said, okay, engage a change

473
00:34:07.679 --> 00:34:12.960
and take action. What was I
going to do about it? Here's where

474
00:34:13.000 --> 00:34:17.199
the metal hit the road, you
know, the rubber hit the road.

475
00:34:17.920 --> 00:34:21.960
The old me would have picked up
the phone and ripped her a new one.

476
00:34:22.000 --> 00:34:24.239
Two days before the wedding. Now, what would have that done?

477
00:34:24.960 --> 00:34:29.599
That would have made her mad and
put us shout, That would have made

478
00:34:29.599 --> 00:34:32.000
my son upset. My family would
have found that, oh there he goes

479
00:34:32.079 --> 00:34:37.559
again, her family the other side, and the wedding would have had a

480
00:34:37.760 --> 00:34:42.119
huge shadow over it. I'm like, who am I if? I said

481
00:34:42.159 --> 00:34:46.079
to myself, who am I?
Who's going to benefit from me doing this?

482
00:34:46.800 --> 00:34:51.920
Me and nobody else, and maybe
not even me. So I thought

483
00:34:51.960 --> 00:34:52.800
about it and I rested, Okay, how am I going to make the

484
00:34:52.880 --> 00:34:57.559
change? How am I going to
take action? And I decided I'm gonna

485
00:34:57.559 --> 00:35:02.360
wait until after the wedding to do
something. Now, most people think live

486
00:35:02.440 --> 00:35:07.719
coaches are all about teaching people how
not to get angry. No, it's

487
00:35:07.760 --> 00:35:10.440
how to understand your emotions and what
to do when the emotions come up.

488
00:35:12.199 --> 00:35:15.280
So I did exactly that, and
I waited until the wedding was on Wednesday.

489
00:35:15.679 --> 00:35:20.159
I waited till Friday, and I
called her up and I said,

490
00:35:20.159 --> 00:35:22.760
this is what you did, this
is the message you said. And I

491
00:35:22.800 --> 00:35:25.440
had a controlled anger. This is
the I didn't care if she heard a

492
00:35:25.440 --> 00:35:29.480
word. I said, it was
about me getting it off, and so

493
00:35:29.559 --> 00:35:32.079
on. I went on for about
ten minutes, and I ended the conversation

494
00:35:32.280 --> 00:35:38.760
doctor Doug by saying thank you for
divorcing me and a moment of closure for

495
00:35:38.840 --> 00:35:45.800
me. Yes, And you know
what, everything that you're talking about is

496
00:35:45.960 --> 00:35:51.840
really this concept of mindset and for
the audience to understand, and you know,

497
00:35:51.960 --> 00:35:54.159
we talk about this a lot on
a lot of different shows, but

498
00:35:54.280 --> 00:35:59.920
the concept of mindset, I think
it's important for people to understand that.

499
00:36:00.519 --> 00:36:07.639
You know, we are so affected
neurologically by the habits, the beliefs,

500
00:36:07.920 --> 00:36:12.880
everything that we have received is children
and so on and so forth. And

501
00:36:12.960 --> 00:36:15.679
part of the challenge, is you
explained so clearly that you've gone through,

502
00:36:16.400 --> 00:36:22.480
is to develop that mindset to as
those emotions arise, number one, you

503
00:36:22.559 --> 00:36:27.440
recognize them. Number two, you
place them wherever they need to be.

504
00:36:28.079 --> 00:36:31.679
But ultimately, what's happening, and
they've shown this scientifically, is you're changing

505
00:36:32.199 --> 00:36:38.880
the neural pathways in your brain to
the point where it becomes a natural thing

506
00:36:39.239 --> 00:36:43.079
for you to do. And it
takes a little bit of time. So

507
00:36:43.159 --> 00:36:49.280
I know that you talk about seven
secrets to an abundant mindset, and maybe

508
00:36:49.400 --> 00:36:52.519
for the next four to five minutes, could you talk a little bit about

509
00:36:52.519 --> 00:36:58.039
what those seven secrets are absolutely And
as I mentioned, I have a card

510
00:36:58.079 --> 00:37:02.840
deck and one of the card is
loundant warrior mindset within you set an abundant

511
00:37:02.840 --> 00:37:07.840
mindset. Okay, I mean I
know it by heart, but I'm gonna

512
00:37:07.920 --> 00:37:12.000
just look at it for So number
one is and I took the word warrior

513
00:37:12.519 --> 00:37:22.159
and that's seven letters and turned it
into another acronym. So the first W,

514
00:37:22.679 --> 00:37:29.679
the first war letter is w wisdom. Seek wisdom. Always look to

515
00:37:29.760 --> 00:37:36.280
be learning, because you never the
journey of learning never ends. So if

516
00:37:36.280 --> 00:37:40.679
you've got something going on, ask
questions, have the wisdom to say,

517
00:37:40.719 --> 00:37:45.079
I'm willing to expand my mindset,
expand what I learned, expand everything.

518
00:37:46.039 --> 00:37:52.039
The A stands for the cycle of
a's ask act an attitude. Ask the

519
00:37:52.119 --> 00:37:57.280
universe for what you want, act
towards getting it, and have an attitude

520
00:37:57.480 --> 00:38:00.360
of that. I don't have a
strong desire about what happened. Now.

521
00:38:00.360 --> 00:38:05.440
There's a bunch of rs in the
Warrior. So the first R is realization.

522
00:38:06.519 --> 00:38:09.840
Be content with everything that you have
right now. That doesn't mean you

523
00:38:09.840 --> 00:38:15.760
don't want more. That means be
happy where you are while going and pursuing

524
00:38:15.800 --> 00:38:19.840
other things. But don't let the
happiness. Uh, don't. Don't put

525
00:38:19.880 --> 00:38:22.480
the happiness to the side while you're
pursuing the other things. Say I'm happy

526
00:38:22.480 --> 00:38:25.079
where I am. That doesn't mean
I'm not gonna get up every morning and

527
00:38:25.199 --> 00:38:30.519
not want to do things. Be
happy, be content. The next one

528
00:38:30.559 --> 00:38:37.719
is recognize. Recognize to me as
gratitude, Be grateful for everything you have

529
00:38:37.840 --> 00:38:42.360
in your life. Wake up every
morning and write three things you're grateful for.

530
00:38:42.719 --> 00:38:45.239
And don't just write them in a
book. I have. Somebody just

531
00:38:45.239 --> 00:38:51.320
gave this one to me as a
gift, a Moleskin notebook, nice quality

532
00:38:51.360 --> 00:38:54.320
book. Mine is upstairs in my
bedroom. I write three things every morning

533
00:38:54.320 --> 00:38:59.440
that I'm grateful for. I also
write three things at night. But practice

534
00:38:59.519 --> 00:39:04.079
gratitude. Dude, As you start
to practice gratitude, if you do it

535
00:39:04.239 --> 00:39:09.039
consistently enough, the complaining will start
going away. Right. So that's the

536
00:39:09.039 --> 00:39:17.719
second R. I imagination. Just
be imaginative, think big woman. Vincent

537
00:39:17.760 --> 00:39:21.679
Peale said, shoot for the stars
and you'll hit the moon. That's a

538
00:39:21.719 --> 00:39:28.599
good thing, right. Next,
Oh, optimism, find the positive and

539
00:39:28.639 --> 00:39:32.280
everything. Wear the rose colored glasses. It's okay to wear the road colored

540
00:39:32.320 --> 00:39:37.039
glasses. I tell people, don't
wear the dark colored look. For the

541
00:39:37.079 --> 00:39:39.480
happiness, look for the good and
everything that goes on. And then the

542
00:39:39.559 --> 00:39:45.119
last one resilient, Be flexible,
have an open mind. Like I said

543
00:39:45.159 --> 00:39:49.639
before, get ready to make course
corrections when you need to. It's the

544
00:39:49.760 --> 00:39:52.039
universe's way of telling you we're trying
to guide you in the right way.

545
00:39:52.840 --> 00:39:55.920
Well, and I love the resilience
because you know what we're all gonna not.

546
00:39:57.519 --> 00:40:00.440
We're all gonna experience the situation as
we along that path that you know

547
00:40:00.679 --> 00:40:06.280
we blow it. But to be
resilient and say Okay, I blew it,

548
00:40:06.599 --> 00:40:09.559
put it to the side, and
continue on. I love those seven

549
00:40:09.639 --> 00:40:14.599
secrets. I love how you do
the whole acronyms and warrior and all of

550
00:40:14.639 --> 00:40:17.079
that. That's great. So let
me ask you, and you know you

551
00:40:17.519 --> 00:40:23.559
almost did this, but as we
as we come towards the clothes, what

552
00:40:23.599 --> 00:40:27.639
I love for you to do is
share with the audience. Just take a

553
00:40:27.719 --> 00:40:30.599
minute to think about this. What
would be the message that you'd like to

554
00:40:30.639 --> 00:40:39.679
share with the audience that would help
them to achieve this level of happiness and

555
00:40:40.000 --> 00:40:45.280
achievement in their lives that you've been
talking about. Well, I'm going to

556
00:40:45.280 --> 00:40:49.760
give you something that's kind of different
than what most people might say. So

557
00:40:49.880 --> 00:40:52.000
first thing is I want you to
start with that gratitude journal in the morning

558
00:40:52.480 --> 00:40:55.400
and have the mindset that I'm going
to live incredibly full every day. Whatever

559
00:40:55.440 --> 00:40:58.840
your mantra is going to be,
that's my I get up and I say

560
00:40:58.880 --> 00:41:00.360
that. But here's where we going
to tell you to do something different.

561
00:41:01.039 --> 00:41:04.440
When you're out in the streets,
when you're out in the public, when

562
00:41:04.440 --> 00:41:07.519
you're going to the supermarket, when
you're going anywhere, make somebody laugh.

563
00:41:09.559 --> 00:41:15.760
And when you do, here's where
it changes. Thank them for helping you

564
00:41:16.079 --> 00:41:21.840
to fill your quota to make someone
laugh every day. Right, So let's

565
00:41:21.840 --> 00:41:25.800
say you're on the supermarket line and
you say something funny and the cashier laughs,

566
00:41:27.079 --> 00:41:30.679
and you just keep going. You've
had no effect on anybody. But

567
00:41:30.760 --> 00:41:34.480
if you make her laugh or him
laugh, and then say thank you for

568
00:41:34.519 --> 00:41:37.840
filling my quota, they're like what, I go, Yeah, it's my

569
00:41:37.920 --> 00:41:40.400
job to make somebody laugh every day. Now you've made a connection with them,

570
00:41:40.599 --> 00:41:44.920
and then tell them pass it on, pay it forward to someone else.

571
00:41:45.400 --> 00:41:49.159
Oh, I love that. I
love that, And you know it

572
00:41:49.199 --> 00:41:54.239
is so important. I remember a
discussion I had recently about how important it

573
00:41:54.280 --> 00:42:00.480
is to be able to look at
an individual. In fact, it was

574
00:42:00.519 --> 00:42:06.000
talking about the five love languages,
but modified it a bit and talked about

575
00:42:06.039 --> 00:42:09.960
the fact that how can you number
one identify one an individual that you may

576
00:42:10.000 --> 00:42:15.079
not even know what's their love language, and then speak to them in a

577
00:42:15.119 --> 00:42:20.679
way, whether it's service or whether
it's kindness or whatever that happens to be

578
00:42:21.440 --> 00:42:24.559
to help them to have a better
day. And I love what you're talking

579
00:42:24.599 --> 00:42:30.760
about here, because the reality is
is that our life is meant to touch

580
00:42:30.840 --> 00:42:37.800
the lives of others. And I
really believe that's that's one of the mangles

581
00:42:37.840 --> 00:42:43.800
in our life is to achieve that
level of mindfulness of goodness to be able

582
00:42:43.840 --> 00:42:46.159
to then touch the lives of others. And that takes a little bit of

583
00:42:46.159 --> 00:42:50.360
work. It takes some work.
And I got to tell you, I

584
00:42:50.360 --> 00:42:52.559
wish I could say that I'm like
that all the time, but there were

585
00:42:52.599 --> 00:43:00.760
times that I have my trips and
falls and I guess myself out of it

586
00:43:00.800 --> 00:43:09.280
as quickly as possible. I love
that. I love that. So let

587
00:43:09.360 --> 00:43:14.159
me ask you a question. How
can people number one find your book and

588
00:43:14.239 --> 00:43:17.800
number two find you? So I
made it very simple, because you know,

589
00:43:19.400 --> 00:43:22.280
luckily I get to go on podcasts
like Your Doctor, Doctor Doug.

590
00:43:22.039 --> 00:43:28.079
I made a website and I called
it connect with Martin dot Com. Right,

591
00:43:28.440 --> 00:43:30.000
you go to connect with Martin dot
com. Right towards the top,

592
00:43:30.039 --> 00:43:34.559
you'll see a link to take you
to Amazon to buy the book. Right,

593
00:43:34.599 --> 00:43:37.880
so you got that, Then there's
another link if you're interested in buying

594
00:43:37.880 --> 00:43:40.880
my cards. You can buy my
cards and also on the side of freebies

595
00:43:42.440 --> 00:43:49.039
like the like the Cycle of A's
as well as the Life the four Steps

596
00:43:49.039 --> 00:43:53.079
of the Life to control your emotional
you know, uh, build your emotional

597
00:43:53.079 --> 00:43:55.880
strength as well as there's a link
on there if you want to have a

598
00:43:55.880 --> 00:43:59.519
conversation with me for half an hour
and just see, you know, if

599
00:43:59.559 --> 00:44:00.719
we can act, if there's anything
I can help you with in the moment.

600
00:44:00.760 --> 00:44:05.800
It's not a sales goal. It's
just me having you know, somebody

601
00:44:05.880 --> 00:44:07.199
might have a bad day and they
just need to reach out to someone else

602
00:44:07.239 --> 00:44:13.159
who could give them a first perspective. Oh, I love it. I

603
00:44:13.239 --> 00:44:16.360
love it, No simple connected with
Mari dot com. What can I say?

604
00:44:16.760 --> 00:44:22.239
Yeah, Warrior to Warrior, Oh
my goodness, that is just I

605
00:44:22.320 --> 00:44:25.119
love it and I look forward to
learning more about it. So thank you,

606
00:44:25.159 --> 00:44:29.000
so Martin, thank you so much
for being on the show. This

607
00:44:29.320 --> 00:44:32.559
has just been a really fun conversation. I really appreciate it. Thank you.

608
00:44:32.559 --> 00:44:36.239
I've enjoyed it. Thank you so
much. You're beat and folks,

609
00:44:36.280 --> 00:44:39.320
thanks for listening. Hope you enjoyed
it, and please reach out to Martin.

610
00:44:39.639 --> 00:44:44.559
I think there's some value here in
things that he can share with you,

611
00:44:44.599 --> 00:44:47.360
whether it's his book or some of
these other things he's mentioned that might

612
00:44:47.440 --> 00:44:52.519
make a difference in your life and
hence make a difference in other people's lives.

613
00:44:52.559 --> 00:44:54.480
So thanks for joining us, have
a great week, look forward to

614
00:44:54.480 --> 00:45:04.840
having you join us against sin.
The plant returned to campment for there