Nov. 11, 2024

Resilience

Resilience

Separation or divorce and be a heartbreak that can be difficult to get over.
According to our guest, Sara Webb it is even more difficult in the LGBTQ community because the heartbreak is different.
Sara teaches pocket-sized techniques her clients can...

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Separation or divorce and be a heartbreak that can be difficult to get over.
According to our guest, Sara Webb it is even more difficult in the LGBTQ community because the heartbreak is different.
Sara teaches pocket-sized techniques her clients can use anywhere to process stress and improve daily happiness, so they can bring the best versions of themselves to their own lives.
Resilience is the key to revive innate personal power. And meditation is one of the keys.
https://www.sarawebbsays.com

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This program is designed to provide general information with regards

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to the subject matters covered. This information is given with

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the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station

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are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,

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legal counseling, professional service, or any advice. You should seek

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the services of competent professionals before applying or trying any

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suggested ideas.

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At the end of the day, it's not about what

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you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what

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you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up,

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who you've made better. It's about what you've given back.

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Denzel Washington, welcome to Inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is

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to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you

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to do the same.

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Dominie, thank you for being on the show.

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Hi, doctor Doug, thank you so much for having me today.

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I'm happy to be here.

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I'm excited. This is going to be an interesting topic,

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and I know you focus on some very specific things,

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but what I love for you to do is share

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with the audience your journey that brought you to this

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point in time, where you've written a book and where

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you're doing what you're doing.

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So my journey really starts with my childhood. I was

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born to a teen mom and I've never met my

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biological father, and so I was born into a very

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traumatic situation. I had a very traumatic conception story, and

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for so long I had a lot of shame and

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a lot of guilt around, you know, being a team mom,

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never knowing my dad so much so that I hit

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it for a long time. People very close to me,

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friends and some family knew, but you know, close friends,

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things of that nature. They didn't really fully know my

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story up until just a few years ago. It was

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something that I never really talked about just because of

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the amount of shame and guilt that I held and

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growing up. Honestly, my mom and I didn't talk about

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it much either. It was the big elephant in the

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room that I think, you know, we both just had

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a really hard time having conversation about. I didn't learn

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until my thirtieth the year that I turned thirty, when

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I really like sat her down and demanded some answers,

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that she had still had a lot of her own

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unresolved trauma from the situation, and that was partly mostly

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why she never talked about it. And so it was

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just in the last like five or six years that

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I started doing the work to really uncover and understand

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how I got here, why I had held so much

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guilt and shame and unworthiness about not having my dad

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and being born to a team mom and being able

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to heal and work through that thing. I just got

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to a point in my life where for so long

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I had been numb.

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I had existed that way.

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I had swallowed a lot of emotions in the midst

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of trying to block out some things, and so you know,

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I numb the good and the bad in the midst

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of trying to just forget certain things. And so for

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a long time I was just on autopilot and existing

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and just really existing, not feeling happy, not feeling joyful,

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not really feeling like I was fulfilled or had purpose.

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And I got tired of living that way. I got

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tired of the autopilot. I got tired of working, waking

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up every day and going to work and feeling unfulfilled

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and just kind of feeling like I was just blowing

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in the wind. And so I started doing the work

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that a lot of times we don't want to do

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because it's hard. You got to go back and you know,

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find answers and deal with things that you closed the

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box on for decades. And so it's just in the

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last seven years that I've been really committed to my

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own healing journey, and I found that the more that

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I did my own work, the more that I wanted

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to help other people, and that I was being guided

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to help other people. I never saw myself being in

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the wellness industry. Sometimes I laugh when people ask me, well,

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what did you major in college? I was a fashion

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merchandising major. And so I've completely veered off from where

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I originally started and what I thought my life would be.

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And so I'm here today.

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You know, I started an organization called Move and Still,

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and I'm sure we'll talk about that. Moving Still provides,

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you know, stress management and wellness services, and everything that

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I do is really all about connection, community and change

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and helping people to do their guiding people to do

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their own healing work. And I've just found my way

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here today because of my own story and just having

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I would say, having the courage to begin to go

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back in to release the things that were holding me back.

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So that's a bit about me and who I am

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and how I got here.

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Great, Hey, thank you, that's a great, great story. You

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know what comes to my mind, and it's really a question,

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And I don't know if you've really looked at this,

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but I suspect you have. What is it about us

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as children that we create a perception for ourselves that

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brings about that guilt, that shame when we had nothing

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to do with what's going on. Have you looked at

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that to see why on earth you developed that guilt

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and shame?

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You know, I haven't done a ton of research about why,

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but I will say that I'm a parent and I'm

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raising a four in seven year old, so I can

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shed some light just based on what I'm observing as

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a parent. I think it's children. I've had to do

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a lot of forgiving of my own mom because I

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think I held such a i don't know, like an

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unrealistic expectation of what my mom, who my mom should

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have been to me. And then I realized once I

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became a mother that, wow, like I was holding her

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to a standard that was really hard and she's not perfect,

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she is human. She had me at sixteen, she was

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doing her best. But to answer your question, I have

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two girls, four and seven, and I see now the

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way that I can say something or I can do

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something and it can be completely misinterpreted. And so I

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think it's children, Like our brains aren't fully developed into

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twenty five and so we're trying to do our best

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to process and understand the world. Someone can say something

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to a child and it can be completely misinterpreted. So

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I think for me as a child, I just kind

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of was trying to make sense of what my life

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was and as a result of that and not having

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conversations and not having a lot of answers, I just

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bottle that down. It came a lot of guilt and shame,

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but I think that was just the way that I

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was able to interpret the situation. I think had my

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mom been more open to having conversation, it might have helped.

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With some of the feelings that I was feeling.

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And so for me as a parent now, I really

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try to in the midst of recently like separating and

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divorcing from my partner and like that being a major

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life change, I try to have conversations with my children

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because otherwise what happens is that kids try to make

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sense of the world on their own and oftentimes it's

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not reality, but it's the way that their little brains

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interpret and try to make sense of things.

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Well, And as you have conversations, do you find that

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oftentimes you pick up on the fact that they have

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created a different perception of what you actually intended to

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be or to say yes, and you're able, how do

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you overcome that? How do you help them to change

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that perception when you recognize that they've developed that.

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So I have found that really just explaining it, which

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can be hard, right, you're trying to explain life and

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adult concepts to children. I have a foreign seven year old,

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and sometimes when they say things, it's like, wow, that's

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that's really not how things are, but that's how you

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perceive it. Just to give you an example, when my

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husband when my ex husband and I separated and we

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were going through the divorce process, it was of course

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like a major life transition for all of us, our

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family co parenting and splitting that way, my youngest daughter,

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who I think at the time we were having this conversation,

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she was about three, so she was a little bit younger.

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She's almost five now, but I remember her saying.

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That you don't love me anymore because you don't love

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Daddy anymore. And so I had to explain, well, I'm

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always going to love you, and it's not that I

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don't love Daddy anymore. Mommy and Daddy have just decided

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that we aren't going to be together, but I will

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always loved you.

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Know, he's your dad. We were together for a long time.

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So I had to explain to her that just.

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Because two people aren't together, that doesn't mean that I

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don't love that person anymore, and it also doesn't change

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the love I have for you. The last thing I'll

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add here is that I've noticed that my children oftentimes

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there's this like limited understanding of what love is, and

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they think, well, if you love my sister, then you

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can't love me, and it's just like that's not the

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way life works. And so for me, it's been a

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lot of just trying to explain things to them in

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a way that is easy for them to understand with

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their you know, very limited minds right now. But children

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are also very resilient and are able to figure things out,

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and so I think conversation just in general is really

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helpful for not internalizing some of the emotions that you

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often see that as adults were trying to, you know,

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unlearn and release in parents.

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I hope you're listening to this because that's some of

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the best sage advice that I think any parent can have,

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is that communication and that conversation that they can have

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with their kids. So you mentioned move and Still. Can

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you explain what that is?

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Yeah, So the name is literally, I would say, the

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premise of the business right movement and stillness, and so

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move and Still.

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I started in twenty twenty two.

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It was shortly after stepping away from online coaching, so

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I started coaching in the middle. Like in the height

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of COVID, I had gone through a ninety day process

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of focusing every day on my mind, my body, and

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my spirit. I started that in March of twenty twenty two,

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and after that ninety day period, the idea for the

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idea for that ninety day challenge came to me during

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a meditation. And it was at a point where I

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was unemployed, not as a result directly of COVID, but

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I had walked away from my job thinking that I

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was just going to take a slightly longer maternity leave

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after having my daughter in September, and then COVID happened

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in March, and so it wasn't a great time to

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be entering the workforce, and so I found myself unemployed,

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not really having a plan. I was having difficulties in

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my marriage, and to say like my life was feeling

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like it was in shambles is a bit of an understatement.

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So I just did the only thing that I knew

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how to do at that time, and oftentimes today it's

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the only thing I know how to do.

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I got still. I couldn't figure it out.

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You know, I'm overthinker, and I I tried to figure

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it out on my own and nothing was working. There

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weren't any answers coming to me. So I got still,

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and in the midst of that stillness, I heard this

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whisper say, focus every day for the next ninety days

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on your mind, your body, and your spirit. And I

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did that, and at the end of that ninety days,

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Doctor Doug, I was.

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A completely different person.

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Physically, I'd lost maybe about fifteen pounds or so, but

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the biggest transformation was how I felt spiritually and emotionally.

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I felt like I was alive and awake for the

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first time. And for me, it was like Wow, I

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had no idea that I was existing in this kind

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of state of numbness. And even at that point I

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had already been doing personal development work and growth work,

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but this was like a new heightened level of awareness

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and awakening. And so I started coaching shortly after that

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time because I wanted everyone to feel what I had

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been feeling. I quickly burned out in the coaching industry.

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I quickly also was realizing that clients were coming to

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me for health and wellness and nutrition. Women, very educated women,

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very you know, successful women, but they were all very

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stressed out. Again, this was the middle of COVID. They

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were balancing full time roles with school and families and

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all of these things. And it no longer was about

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a meal plan or you know, what you needed to

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eat or how you needed to work out. It was

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looking at their stress levels and really trying to understand

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their bodies better and understanding that when we are stressed right,

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we hold on to weight, and our bodies do all

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these things that are counterproductive oftentimes to some of our

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health and wellness goals. And so the more that I learned,

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it was kind of like a rabbit hole. The more

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that I learned about stress and trauma burnout, the more

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that I realized that I wanted to pivot in my

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work and really begin to teach and educate people about

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stress management and emotional regulation.

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And nervous system regulation.

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And so that's really where the inspiration for movement still

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came from. And so I pivoted away from just working

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with women and coaching and now I work more so

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with organizations offering group wellness sessions and offering wellness education

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around stres management and the nervous system because a lot

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of the things that we're seeing in our communities, whether

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you look at health or violence and crime and.

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Just you know, the challenges that we're facing.

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At the root of so many of those things is

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really unresolved stress and trauma that's just manifesting in all

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of these different ways.

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Well, and that is so true, And what we're seeing

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now today, as you say, is just amazing, and I'm

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not sure any of us really understand what's going on

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other than to say, as you say, there's such a

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link between that stress, between that subconscious stuff that creates this.

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So you talk about a sole care trilogy to really

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find harmony in your life. And obviously we're now talking

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to companies today, we're talking to individuals. What is that

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Sole Care trilogy and could you explain what that is?

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Absolutely so I alluded to this when I talked about

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that ninety day challenge that I did back in twenty twenty. Again,

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that whisper came to me during meditation told me to

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focus on all three of these aspects.

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I didn't mention to you that in addition.

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To just you know, living most of my life and

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just kind of existing that for about twenty five years,

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I struggle with my weight, and so I started. If

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you look at pictures of me as a child, from

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one to seven, I was a healthy weight, and then

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eight years old, there was a drastic change in my

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weight and I gained a lot of weight in what

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was seeming like an overnight weight gain process. And I

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struggled with being overweight as a child well into my

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teenage and young adult years, and also into adulthood for

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most of my life. I think I went on my

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first diet in middle school. For most of my life

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my weight plateaued up and down. So I would, you know,

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do some sort of binge diet or some you know,

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some sort of whatever the most recent diet trend was

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at that time. I try that thing, you know, I

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might lose a few pounds, but I would always gain

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the weight back. And for anyone listening who has ever

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struggled with weight loss or just any other you know,

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sort of way to cope, when you feel like you

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can't get a hold of something, it leaves you feeling

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really helpless.

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And that's how I felt.

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It was just like if I could figure this thing out,

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like I can do anything, because for so long it

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was a thing that I couldn't figure out. And that

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what I realized in that ninety day process was that

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every time in the past when I had approached my

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weight loss journey, I was just focusing.

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On the body.

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So when you think about the mind, the body, and

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the soul or the spirit, right, I was just focusing

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on the body. I was neglecting my mind, I was

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neglecting my spirit, and I would lose weight, but it

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would always come back. It wasn't until I really started

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focusing on my whole self, so all the parts of

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us were not just you know, this this meat set.

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There's other aspects of us.

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It wasn't until I started focusing on all of those

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aspects of myself that I was able to heal, to

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begin to release the things energetically that I was hanging

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on to that were impacting me physically. And I realized

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that so many of us we are approaching life a

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bit narrow minded. So maybe we're just focused on the

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or maybe we're just focused on the mind, but not

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the body, and we neglect our bodies. Magic happens when

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you really focus on nurturing or nourishing all three of

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those parts of yourself. And so, just to give you

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an example of what that looks like, right, like, what does.

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That mean in practicality?

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Focusing on the body is whatever moving your body, taking

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care of your body, being mindful of the things that

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you eat. It's doing things that make your body feel

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good because your body is the vessel to your soul,

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your spiritual being, and so the goal is to optimize

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that body so that it does the best that it

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can while you have this human experience. Most of us, right,

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we get the body piece. You can touch the body,

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that's the easy piece.

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But we also have a.

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Mind, and there's mental health, there's our emotional health. What

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are we doing for our minds. I'm curious as to

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folks listening to this, like, when was the last time

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you did something to nourish your mind? And so when

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I think about nourishing the mind, it's listening to things

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that make you feel good, being mindful about what you're

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taking in, right social media, what type of content you're

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taking in, who's around you and what they're saying, and

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how that's influencing you. So listening to podcasts, listening to

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motivational videos on YouTube, like whatever feels good for you,

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maybe reading a book that's nourishment for the mind. And

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then the last part of that is the soul or

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the spirit. They're different, but you can interchange them, and

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that becomes a question of what are you doing to

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nourish the soul? And so that's meditation, that's prayer, that's

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maybe getting out in nature and really connecting with the

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essence of who you are. And again, we do really

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good with categorizing those things, but there aren't a ton

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of folks who really focus on all three. And so

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I'm trying to spread awareness and knowledge about the life

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changing effects of really focusing on all the parts of ourselves.

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And that's what I call the Soul Care Trilogy excuse

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me trilogy.

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Well, that's right, and you really focus on the somatic

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aspects of helping people to really heal. Can you explain

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to the audience what sematic means?

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Yes, So, somatic is a Greek word for body. So

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somatic practices are literally just body centered practices or body

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centered approaches to healing. And when I talked about being

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a coach and starting to understand stress and burnout, I

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started learning that our bodies actually hold our stress and trauma.

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We oftentimes approach our problems or our issues or our

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past with the mind. So we'll go to talk therapy

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or cognitive therapy and we'll talk to our therapists verbally

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and we'll express all of the things that happen. And

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that's helpful for processing and making sense of those things,

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but that doesn't do anything for releasing those feelings, emotions,

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those energetic holds. I would say that our bodies hold.

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So there's this really wonderful book. You've probably heard of it,

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The Body keeps the score. I like to say, the

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body holds the truth. So we can move on from

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something and you know, forget about it. It could have

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happened twenty years ago. We're not really thinking about it,

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but we're still holding the memories of those experiences in

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our bodies. And so a part of my work as

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the founder of move and Still is really talking to

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people about how much our bodies hold and how when

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we go and we don't address those things, there's unresolved

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stress and unresolved trauma that starts to manifest in other ways.

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And so you might have an illness that you can't

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figure out. You know, I've gone to a ton of

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doctors and no one can figure out what's going on.

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That could be unresolved stress and trauma, or maybe you're

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acting out in another way or coping in a way

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that isn't healthy, and you can't understand what's going on there,

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and it's your body responding to this experience or these experiences.

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That happen to you that you haven't worked through.

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And so while I think that talk therapy is extremely beneficial,

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I've gone through therapy for many years in the past,

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I also think it's important for me people to know

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that it's a both and it's doing the therapeutic work,

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the cognitive work, but also moving the body, releasing the

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body and just holding space.

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For the body to do what it needs to do.

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Our bodies are really smart and naturally they're able to

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heal themselves from many many things. But it's about giving

401
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yourself the space, like slowing down long enough for that

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process to happen. And the reality is that many of

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us are moving too fast and we don't often hold

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space just for pauses or stillness right for that process

405
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to happen. And so that's really what we talk about

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when we talk about somatic practices.

407
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And what are some of those practices that you have

408
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found are effective. You know, it's one thing to go

409
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through life and not be aware. You're talking about the

410
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fact that at some point in time, hopefully we all realize,

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you know what, this is not what I want. Whether

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it has to do with white health experiences, whatever that is.

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But what are the somatic approaches that you take that

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you have seen effective in helping people to start once

415
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they're aware and willing to do the work to start

416
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to release those It's not that they ever go away,

417
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but it's one thing to hold on to it is

418
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another thing to release it. And what approaches do you

419
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use and suggest?

420
00:20:08.720 --> 00:20:12.599
Yeah, so one of my favorite that is something that

421
00:20:12.640 --> 00:20:16.440
I use very frequently in my life is breathwork as

422
00:20:16.440 --> 00:20:19.599
a practice or deep breathing as a practice. Breath Work

423
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is an ancient practice that has gained more popularity here

424
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in the US over the last maybe five or ten years,

425
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but it's an ancient practice that dates back thousands of

426
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years to Eastern cultures, and breathwork heals you on a

427
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cellular level. When we breathe, when we allow ourselves to

428
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breathe in that way, we're able to get so many benefits.

429
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We're able to regulate our nervous system.

430
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So oftentimes again we're operating in a heightened stress response state,

431
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and that's how we're existing, and that causes so many

432
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issues for us. When you take deep breaths, you trigger

433
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the parasympathetic nervous system, the part of the nervous system

434
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that is our rest and restore or rest and digest

435
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the part of the body.

436
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And so so breathwork does that.

437
00:21:01.559 --> 00:21:04.240
When you exhale out and you focus on a very long,

438
00:21:04.400 --> 00:21:08.720
slow exhale, the exhale is actually what triggers the parasympathetic

439
00:21:08.759 --> 00:21:09.359
nervous system.

440
00:21:09.400 --> 00:21:11.440
So breathwork is one of my personal favorites.

441
00:21:11.480 --> 00:21:14.799
It's something that I use oftentimes in my work these days.

442
00:21:14.839 --> 00:21:17.119
I like to combine it with sound healing. You can

443
00:21:17.119 --> 00:21:19.440
see I have a bowl behind me here. There's a

444
00:21:19.480 --> 00:21:24.279
really beautiful I would say, like process that happens with

445
00:21:24.440 --> 00:21:28.240
breath and sound together that I've found. Physical movement of

446
00:21:28.279 --> 00:21:32.319
any kind is also somatic or would fall under somatic practices,

447
00:21:32.759 --> 00:21:34.759
and so I usually like to tell people to find

448
00:21:34.799 --> 00:21:37.759
what works for you. I love working out at the gym,

449
00:21:37.799 --> 00:21:40.200
but that's not everyone's preference, or you know, that's not

450
00:21:40.279 --> 00:21:41.559
everyone's jam, as I say.

451
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And so if you're someone who likes.

452
00:21:43.000 --> 00:21:46.240
To dance, maybe take a zomba class, or go for

453
00:21:46.279 --> 00:21:48.680
a walk, or go for a jog, or go swimming.

454
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Any sort of physical movement that gets the body moving

455
00:21:52.480 --> 00:21:55.000
is actually helpful and beneficial because when we move, we

456
00:21:55.079 --> 00:21:58.279
release those endorphins that those feel good hormones, but our

457
00:21:58.319 --> 00:22:00.880
bodies are also able to relate acts and begin to

458
00:22:01.000 --> 00:22:02.880
release a lot of the stress and trauma that.

459
00:22:02.799 --> 00:22:03.559
We're holding onto.

460
00:22:05.279 --> 00:22:08.039
Again, like under the umbrella a physical movement, there's a

461
00:22:08.039 --> 00:22:11.000
ton of movement practices that will fall under that, and

462
00:22:11.039 --> 00:22:14.279
then of course meditation kind of falls under both. It

463
00:22:14.440 --> 00:22:17.279
almost falls under like the category of nourishment for the mind,

464
00:22:17.279 --> 00:22:19.400
but it can also be really beneficial to calming the

465
00:22:19.440 --> 00:22:22.359
body as well, because the mind and body are connected,

466
00:22:22.400 --> 00:22:25.759
and so when we meditate, there is oftentimes a shift

467
00:22:25.799 --> 00:22:28.279
in our bodies because we're calming the mind down, which

468
00:22:28.319 --> 00:22:31.319
calms the body down. So that one, you know, it

469
00:22:31.559 --> 00:22:34.200
falls for me under the umbrella of a somatic practice,

470
00:22:34.240 --> 00:22:36.359
although it, like I said, has benefit for the mind

471
00:22:36.400 --> 00:22:36.799
as well.

472
00:22:37.480 --> 00:22:40.039
Well. And as you talk about breath work, and I

473
00:22:40.079 --> 00:22:43.640
hear so many people talking about breath work, okay, and

474
00:22:43.960 --> 00:22:47.799
particularly those that are Buddhists. I happen to go back

475
00:22:47.799 --> 00:22:50.400
and forth from Thailand, and so you know, you see

476
00:22:50.400 --> 00:22:53.119
the monks during the breathwork. What is a breath work

477
00:22:53.200 --> 00:22:55.839
that you have found to be effective? And is that

478
00:22:56.119 --> 00:22:59.160
part of meditation or is that separate from meditation?

479
00:23:00.119 --> 00:23:03.559
Yeah, so I view the two as separate, though I

480
00:23:03.599 --> 00:23:05.400
think they go well together.

481
00:23:06.359 --> 00:23:08.119
Breathwork is literally deep breathing.

482
00:23:08.160 --> 00:23:11.519
Now, I know that there are folks out there who

483
00:23:11.640 --> 00:23:14.240
and I'm a breathwork practitioner, but I don't like follow

484
00:23:14.279 --> 00:23:16.759
all the popular folks in the breathwork industry, so I

485
00:23:16.799 --> 00:23:19.960
couldn't name most of them. But I know there's like holotropic,

486
00:23:20.000 --> 00:23:22.319
like there's all of these special types of breathwork or

487
00:23:22.319 --> 00:23:26.000
these ways that you can breathe. Whenever I teach breathwork,

488
00:23:26.039 --> 00:23:28.480
I start with just the most simple practice, and so

489
00:23:28.599 --> 00:23:30.680
one of my favorites is just what I call the

490
00:23:31.480 --> 00:23:34.519
what you can call the straw breath, and that's taking

491
00:23:34.519 --> 00:23:37.000
a big breath into the belly, filling the belly, filling

492
00:23:37.039 --> 00:23:40.480
the diaphragm, filling the lungs, filling the chest, and then

493
00:23:40.559 --> 00:23:43.039
slowly breathing out as if you're releasing from.

494
00:23:42.880 --> 00:23:44.759
A straw, like a very thin straw.

495
00:23:44.880 --> 00:23:47.799
And again, the focus is on the exhale being very

496
00:23:47.839 --> 00:23:51.559
long and exaggerated, because that is what's triggering the para

497
00:23:51.559 --> 00:23:54.279
sympathetic nervous system and helping you to relax and restore.

498
00:23:54.839 --> 00:23:57.720
So I don't think that there's a particular type that

499
00:23:57.799 --> 00:23:58.440
you have to do.

500
00:23:58.519 --> 00:24:00.720
There's a ton of breathwork patterns that I could, you know,

501
00:24:00.839 --> 00:24:03.920
talk to you about. I kind of dive around depending

502
00:24:03.920 --> 00:24:06.440
on the client and what their needs are. Some patterns

503
00:24:06.440 --> 00:24:08.640
are going to be more activating for the nervous system,

504
00:24:08.720 --> 00:24:11.519
so they'll heat things up, where some are going to

505
00:24:11.559 --> 00:24:12.960
be more grounding and relaxing.

506
00:24:13.440 --> 00:24:14.359
I think for people.

507
00:24:14.559 --> 00:24:18.079
The biggest thing though, is that because so many folks

508
00:24:18.160 --> 00:24:22.240
are living in a stress stress response space or a

509
00:24:22.279 --> 00:24:27.839
sympathetic state of or sympathetic dominant state, focus less on, like.

510
00:24:27.839 --> 00:24:29.799
Is there a particular type of breath work.

511
00:24:29.640 --> 00:24:31.680
Practice that I need to be doing, and just focus

512
00:24:31.759 --> 00:24:35.160
on taking very deep, intentional breaths, because when we're stressed,

513
00:24:35.440 --> 00:24:38.319
we're breathing very shallow, we're breathing from the chest, and

514
00:24:38.359 --> 00:24:41.000
that just has so many harmful benefits to our body,

515
00:24:41.039 --> 00:24:43.759
like not taking in the proper amount of oxygen. And

516
00:24:43.799 --> 00:24:46.079
so I say, start with something very basic, like a

517
00:24:46.119 --> 00:24:48.880
straw breath or a box breath, you know that's breathing

518
00:24:48.920 --> 00:24:52.839
in for four, holding the breath for four, exhaling for four,

519
00:24:52.920 --> 00:24:55.839
and then holding the breath again. Start with something simple

520
00:24:55.880 --> 00:24:57.839
and then kind of build and work from there.

521
00:24:58.599 --> 00:25:00.480
Well, And it's interesting. I have an old a friend

522
00:25:00.519 --> 00:25:04.720
that is suffering from loss of memory and that type

523
00:25:04.759 --> 00:25:07.079
of thing, and he just told me the other day,

524
00:25:07.119 --> 00:25:09.400
and I had no idea this what's true. He told

525
00:25:09.440 --> 00:25:13.599
me the other day that breath work for him, when

526
00:25:13.640 --> 00:25:17.680
he does breath work every day multiple times, that literally

527
00:25:18.039 --> 00:25:21.400
subsides that loss of memory for him, which I find

528
00:25:21.559 --> 00:25:24.480
just fascinating. Yeah, so it kind of goes along with

529
00:25:24.519 --> 00:25:28.119
what you're saying. So you use you use a word

530
00:25:28.319 --> 00:25:31.880
called clear c L e A R. And I know

531
00:25:31.920 --> 00:25:35.599
it stands for something right explaining what that is.

532
00:25:36.440 --> 00:25:41.279
Yes, So a couple of months ago, I was I

533
00:25:41.319 --> 00:25:43.200
don't know if you've ever had this experience where you're

534
00:25:43.240 --> 00:25:46.000
getting a download, but you're getting that download over like

535
00:25:46.039 --> 00:25:47.759
it's not coming all at once. It was coming to

536
00:25:47.799 --> 00:25:49.720
me in small bits and pieces, and I was taking

537
00:25:49.759 --> 00:25:52.519
notes and as I get something else, I know.

538
00:25:52.440 --> 00:25:54.759
Add to it. And by the end of it, I

539
00:25:54.799 --> 00:25:57.759
had come up with a clear goals framework. So of course,

540
00:25:57.880 --> 00:25:58.400
like I.

541
00:25:58.319 --> 00:26:02.680
Am someone who's a very like type A I would say,

542
00:26:02.680 --> 00:26:06.720
like logistical person. I lean very much so on like

543
00:26:06.799 --> 00:26:09.079
things that can help me be organized and structured.

544
00:26:09.079 --> 00:26:10.319
And so I love goal setting.

545
00:26:10.440 --> 00:26:12.720
I love, you know, the twelve week year process, like

546
00:26:12.759 --> 00:26:15.720
anything where I can check in. I'm someone who avidly

547
00:26:15.920 --> 00:26:19.240
time blocks on a weekly basis, and so my brain

548
00:26:19.559 --> 00:26:20.680
functions that way.

549
00:26:21.000 --> 00:26:23.079
So I had been familiar with smart goals.

550
00:26:23.160 --> 00:26:25.960
I've dabbled and used them in the past, something that

551
00:26:26.000 --> 00:26:27.720
I would come back to. It's not something I've been

552
00:26:27.799 --> 00:26:31.799
using religiously, but this clear goals framework is a similar

553
00:26:31.880 --> 00:26:35.039
I would say, like process to smart goals, but it

554
00:26:35.079 --> 00:26:38.759
goes a little bit deeper. So clear as an acronym. See,

555
00:26:38.799 --> 00:26:41.279
the C stands for cause and so that's you know,

556
00:26:41.359 --> 00:26:44.079
when you think about goal setting, oftentimes we set goals,

557
00:26:44.160 --> 00:26:47.000
but they're very shallow goals, and oftentimes it can be

558
00:26:47.079 --> 00:26:50.160
hard to achieve and accomplish those goals because we haven't

559
00:26:50.200 --> 00:26:55.440
done enough putting the concrete, like I would say, structure

560
00:26:55.440 --> 00:26:57.279
in place for that goal to be successful. And so

561
00:26:57.279 --> 00:26:59.599
when you have a shallow goal or fuzzy target, you're

562
00:26:59.640 --> 00:27:02.880
often I'm going to miss. So the C is starting

563
00:27:02.880 --> 00:27:04.799
with your cause, and what that means is start with

564
00:27:04.839 --> 00:27:05.640
your why, like.

565
00:27:05.599 --> 00:27:07.720
Why is this goal important to you? Why are you

566
00:27:07.799 --> 00:27:10.440
doing this? How is it going to impact you once

567
00:27:10.480 --> 00:27:11.400
you complete this goal.

568
00:27:11.480 --> 00:27:15.279
Getting clear on the why increases your your chances of

569
00:27:15.799 --> 00:27:20.599
you know, achieving this goal. The L is uh level

570
00:27:20.680 --> 00:27:22.799
up and what that means is is this a goal

571
00:27:22.880 --> 00:27:24.039
that challenges you?

572
00:27:24.240 --> 00:27:26.119
Is this a goal that really stretches you?

573
00:27:26.160 --> 00:27:28.440
When you think about goal setting, sometimes we can set

574
00:27:28.480 --> 00:27:31.000
goals and they're easy to obtain. You want to set

575
00:27:31.000 --> 00:27:33.240
a goal that's obtainable, but you do want it to

576
00:27:33.559 --> 00:27:35.720
stretch you a little bit and be something that does

577
00:27:35.799 --> 00:27:38.319
cause you to level up. As we say, uh C

578
00:27:38.680 --> 00:27:41.720
L E. The E is your end game and so

579
00:27:41.839 --> 00:27:43.839
the end game is like, you know, looking at what

580
00:27:43.880 --> 00:27:46.920
are you trying to accomplish? Being more specific, so instead

581
00:27:46.960 --> 00:27:49.680
of saying I want to lose weight, how much weight

582
00:27:49.720 --> 00:27:50.599
do you want to lose?

583
00:27:50.680 --> 00:27:52.400
Like setting very uh you know.

584
00:27:52.599 --> 00:27:56.000
Uh, towards the end of the goal you get into measuring,

585
00:27:56.039 --> 00:27:57.799
but you want to be very clear on what your

586
00:27:57.880 --> 00:28:01.079
end goal is. And then the A is all about accountability.

587
00:28:01.400 --> 00:28:03.400
This one, for me, I have found makes a huge

588
00:28:03.440 --> 00:28:07.160
difference in goal setting. There's tons of tests that are

589
00:28:07.400 --> 00:28:09.559
that have been done in research studies that have been

590
00:28:09.559 --> 00:28:13.039
done that just show by having someone that you know,

591
00:28:13.200 --> 00:28:15.920
check in with frequently on your goal, it increases your

592
00:28:15.920 --> 00:28:19.000
odds of attaining your goal by somewhere between like forty

593
00:28:19.000 --> 00:28:19.799
and sixty percent.

594
00:28:20.279 --> 00:28:23.400
So that's a that's a pretty substantial.

595
00:28:22.839 --> 00:28:26.359
You know, uh measurement when you look at goal setting,

596
00:28:26.400 --> 00:28:28.480
by just having someone that you're checking in frequently, that

597
00:28:28.519 --> 00:28:31.519
accountability makes such a difference. So that might be an

598
00:28:31.519 --> 00:28:33.920
actual person, that might be some sort of you know,

599
00:28:34.000 --> 00:28:36.319
weekly system that you do with yourself or you check

600
00:28:36.319 --> 00:28:37.680
in at the end of the week and say, hey,

601
00:28:37.720 --> 00:28:39.400
this is what I did, and you have to have

602
00:28:39.440 --> 00:28:42.359
a stronger level of self accountability. But thinking about that

603
00:28:42.400 --> 00:28:45.039
accountability is it makes such a difference. And then the

604
00:28:45.119 --> 00:28:46.720
last piece is of course the results.

605
00:28:47.119 --> 00:28:48.000
And so that's.

606
00:28:47.799 --> 00:28:50.759
Really going back to that end game. How am I

607
00:28:50.920 --> 00:28:53.839
measuring my results? So I've been specific about Okay, I

608
00:28:53.839 --> 00:28:56.119
want to lose weight, not just I want to lose weight,

609
00:28:56.200 --> 00:28:59.160
but I want to lose let's just say twenty pounds

610
00:28:59.200 --> 00:29:03.200
by the end of you know, August. Now, how am

611
00:29:03.200 --> 00:29:06.160
I measuring those results? So you know, am I looking

612
00:29:06.200 --> 00:29:08.559
at the scale? Am I looking at how I feel?

613
00:29:08.599 --> 00:29:10.640
Am I looking at the way that my clothes are fitting?

614
00:29:10.680 --> 00:29:14.839
So really thinking about measuring the results is the last

615
00:29:14.839 --> 00:29:17.000
part of the process. And when you go through this

616
00:29:17.039 --> 00:29:20.799
five step process that that's like part one. I walk

617
00:29:20.839 --> 00:29:23.559
you through that five step process. The next piece of

618
00:29:23.599 --> 00:29:29.000
this is then looking at seven different domains and how

619
00:29:29.079 --> 00:29:31.400
is this goal going to impact these domains? And so

620
00:29:31.480 --> 00:29:35.200
it's like financial, it's you know, it's family, it's relationships,

621
00:29:35.200 --> 00:29:39.559
it's communications. Once you go through this very thorough goal

622
00:29:39.640 --> 00:29:43.519
setting process, you have a pretty solid goal. You're clear on.

623
00:29:43.640 --> 00:29:46.079
You know why you want to attain or achieve this goal,

624
00:29:46.599 --> 00:29:49.079
you know what you're working on. You have a process

625
00:29:49.079 --> 00:29:50.920
for checking in on this goal. So it's not something

626
00:29:50.920 --> 00:29:53.240
that you set and forget, but because of accountability, you're

627
00:29:53.319 --> 00:29:56.720
checking in with someone or your system often. And so

628
00:29:56.880 --> 00:29:59.119
I've been doing this for myself and it's made it

629
00:29:59.160 --> 00:30:02.200
such a difference. Incorporating it into my business, working with

630
00:30:02.200 --> 00:30:04.640
my business partners, and it's made such difference. And so

631
00:30:05.119 --> 00:30:07.640
it's something that I've created that I started sharing.

632
00:30:07.359 --> 00:30:08.200
Out with the world.

633
00:30:08.400 --> 00:30:11.559
And I think that, like again i've used smart goals before,

634
00:30:11.640 --> 00:30:14.039
I think that they're great. I just think that for me,

635
00:30:14.200 --> 00:30:16.519
like this goals a little bit deeper into the goal

636
00:30:16.559 --> 00:30:19.799
setting process and helping you to really identify why is

637
00:30:19.839 --> 00:30:20.680
this goal important?

638
00:30:20.680 --> 00:30:23.480
Why is this meaningful? So that you actually are motivated

639
00:30:23.519 --> 00:30:26.000
to stick to achieving or attaining that goal.

640
00:30:26.839 --> 00:30:28.680
Well, and how does that work? You know, years ago

641
00:30:28.759 --> 00:30:32.039
you have the secret coming out and you have people

642
00:30:32.119 --> 00:30:37.359
doing their vision boards and affirmations and so forth. And

643
00:30:38.160 --> 00:30:40.240
it's interesting, as I've talked to some people that were

644
00:30:40.279 --> 00:30:43.920
part of that movement, they ultimately have said to me,

645
00:30:44.000 --> 00:30:47.680
you know what, it doesn't work quite that easy. And

646
00:30:48.200 --> 00:30:50.400
how do you relate that for all the people that

647
00:30:50.440 --> 00:30:53.480
are doing affirmations, that have those vision boards, all of

648
00:30:53.519 --> 00:31:00.279
those things, how does clear relate to actually achieving and

649
00:31:00.400 --> 00:31:03.319
experiencing those dreams and goals that you're looking for?

650
00:31:04.119 --> 00:31:06.200
Yeah, So I think the biggest thing that I've found

651
00:31:06.400 --> 00:31:09.319
is that it's the so going back to that accountability piece,

652
00:31:09.440 --> 00:31:12.559
it's that constantly checking in and being able to measure

653
00:31:12.640 --> 00:31:13.160
how am.

654
00:31:13.000 --> 00:31:14.039
I doing with this goal.

655
00:31:14.440 --> 00:31:17.319
So for me, what that looks like on a frequent

656
00:31:17.400 --> 00:31:20.319
basis is I'm someone who operates, oftentimes off of or

657
00:31:20.440 --> 00:31:23.279
not oftentimes I operate using the twelve week year structure.

658
00:31:23.759 --> 00:31:27.160
And so at the end of every week, well, thinking

659
00:31:27.160 --> 00:31:29.640
about the twelve week year structure, I've already identified the

660
00:31:29.640 --> 00:31:31.240
three goals that I want to focus on for this

661
00:31:31.359 --> 00:31:31.960
next quarter.

662
00:31:32.079 --> 00:31:34.400
Right, That's that's the premise of the twelve week year.

663
00:31:34.839 --> 00:31:37.200
So once I have my three goals, I take each

664
00:31:37.240 --> 00:31:40.160
goal and I walk it through that clear Goals framework.

665
00:31:40.200 --> 00:31:42.079
And so now I've gone through the process of well,

666
00:31:42.079 --> 00:31:43.440
why is this goal important to me?

667
00:31:43.640 --> 00:31:45.440
You know, what is the endgame here that I'm trying

668
00:31:45.480 --> 00:31:46.519
to achieve?

669
00:31:47.119 --> 00:31:49.519
How am I checking in with myself and holding myself

670
00:31:49.519 --> 00:31:52.519
accountable or if there's some external person, who is that

671
00:31:52.599 --> 00:31:55.039
person and what does that look like? And then the

672
00:31:55.079 --> 00:31:57.000
next part of that is on a weekly basis, like

673
00:31:57.039 --> 00:31:59.640
actually coming back and checking in on that goal. So

674
00:31:59.680 --> 00:32:02.559
for me, I've found that clear goals works really well

675
00:32:02.680 --> 00:32:05.799
with the twelve week year framework because every week you're

676
00:32:05.880 --> 00:32:06.559
checking in.

677
00:32:06.440 --> 00:32:08.079
And you're assessing how you've done.

678
00:32:08.359 --> 00:32:11.119
But manifestation is really all about setting goals and then

679
00:32:11.160 --> 00:32:13.400
taking action. Right, Like we come up with very like

680
00:32:13.440 --> 00:32:17.920
wool ways of thinking about it, and it's it's what

681
00:32:18.240 --> 00:32:18.880
does the Bible say?

682
00:32:18.920 --> 00:32:20.079
Faith without works is dead?

683
00:32:20.119 --> 00:32:21.960
And so it's like, yes, you can put something out

684
00:32:21.960 --> 00:32:24.200
into the universe that you desire, but you also there

685
00:32:24.200 --> 00:32:26.599
has to be movement, there has to be action. And

686
00:32:26.640 --> 00:32:29.119
for me, I have found that clear goals just make

687
00:32:29.200 --> 00:32:32.359
that action, makes that action part really really clear, right,

688
00:32:32.440 --> 00:32:35.039
It makes setting the goal really clear, It makes me

689
00:32:35.240 --> 00:32:37.400
understanding what I need to do on a weekly basis

690
00:32:37.440 --> 00:32:40.039
really clear. And because I'm checking in with that goal

691
00:32:40.119 --> 00:32:42.640
so frequently, it's not something that I'm forgetting about. It's

692
00:32:42.680 --> 00:32:45.000
always you know, every week I'm coming back to this.

693
00:32:45.079 --> 00:32:47.759
I'm measuring how I've done, or I'm measuring how I'm

694
00:32:47.759 --> 00:32:50.359
moving the needle, And so it makes the process of

695
00:32:50.400 --> 00:32:54.759
what some might say, you know, manifestation easier because I've

696
00:32:54.880 --> 00:32:57.240
set a goal, but now I'm taking action for this

697
00:32:57.279 --> 00:32:59.920
thing to happen and for the universe to meet me halfway,

698
00:33:00.079 --> 00:33:01.839
you will, Okay.

699
00:33:01.559 --> 00:33:04.000
So I've been setting some goals all right over the

700
00:33:04.039 --> 00:33:06.759
next number of months, and I'll tell you the stress

701
00:33:06.759 --> 00:33:09.240
that I feel about worrying about am I going to

702
00:33:09.279 --> 00:33:11.000
achieve that? Is this going to happen? Is that going

703
00:33:11.039 --> 00:33:17.359
to happen? So? How do I deal with the stress? Yeah?

704
00:33:17.400 --> 00:33:17.640
I know.

705
00:33:17.839 --> 00:33:20.200
How do I deal with the stress that occurs while

706
00:33:20.240 --> 00:33:22.200
I'm trying to achieve all of these goals?

707
00:33:22.759 --> 00:33:25.119
I think that's such a beautiful question, doctor Doug, And

708
00:33:25.160 --> 00:33:26.839
I think that will go back to what we were

709
00:33:26.880 --> 00:33:31.400
talking about earlier with really the somatic practices and having

710
00:33:31.480 --> 00:33:35.480
practices that you can incorporate. Maybe I would say so

711
00:33:35.559 --> 00:33:39.400
for me, I believe in daily, daily practices. Now for

712
00:33:39.440 --> 00:33:43.079
some people maybe they're thinking that's too much. Start with

713
00:33:43.119 --> 00:33:45.039
where you can and then build up. But if you

714
00:33:45.039 --> 00:33:49.400
think about it, we incur or we go through stressful situations,

715
00:33:49.480 --> 00:33:53.200
We incurage stressors on a daily basis. Now the extent

716
00:33:53.240 --> 00:33:55.119
of those stressors might look different from.

717
00:33:55.039 --> 00:33:58.079
Day to day. So maybe today I'm just stuck in traffic.

718
00:33:58.240 --> 00:34:01.000
Maybe tomorrow it's my children and you know, doing something

719
00:34:01.000 --> 00:34:02.440
that causes me to be stressed out.

720
00:34:02.759 --> 00:34:05.440
Maybe the next day it's business and finances.

721
00:34:05.519 --> 00:34:09.480
You know, we're in a political situation for some folks

722
00:34:09.480 --> 00:34:12.239
that can be stressful. So we're dealing with lots of

723
00:34:12.280 --> 00:34:17.400
stress on a daily basis, and so the idea in

724
00:34:17.440 --> 00:34:20.559
the ideal world, we are doing something for ourselves every

725
00:34:20.559 --> 00:34:22.239
single day to help.

726
00:34:22.119 --> 00:34:24.079
To work through and release some of that stress.

727
00:34:24.119 --> 00:34:26.480
Now, that might look different from day to day based

728
00:34:26.480 --> 00:34:28.920
on your schedule. So maybe today all I have is

729
00:34:28.960 --> 00:34:31.119
ten minutes and I'll take some deep breaths or do

730
00:34:31.199 --> 00:34:33.960
some meditation and mindfulness, and that's my practice. That's the

731
00:34:34.000 --> 00:34:35.519
practice that nourishes.

732
00:34:35.079 --> 00:34:36.239
Me for the day.

733
00:34:36.719 --> 00:34:39.719
I heard you say that you like walking meditation, Like,

734
00:34:39.800 --> 00:34:42.000
maybe you can, you know, you squeeze that in. I

735
00:34:42.039 --> 00:34:46.599
always educate or always encourage clients to get creative about

736
00:34:46.599 --> 00:34:48.440
what that looks like. But see if you can find

737
00:34:48.599 --> 00:34:51.079
a few minutes in your day a pocket of pause,

738
00:34:51.119 --> 00:34:52.880
if you will in your day every day.

739
00:34:52.719 --> 00:34:55.119
For working through the stress.

740
00:34:55.360 --> 00:34:58.880
What oftentimes happens to answer your question is that when

741
00:34:59.000 --> 00:35:04.280
we don't practice focusing on somatic practices or things to

742
00:35:04.360 --> 00:35:07.000
release stress consistently, that stress builds up.

743
00:35:07.239 --> 00:35:08.559
So then it becomes.

744
00:35:08.199 --> 00:35:11.840
Really hard to focus to be productive to achieve our

745
00:35:11.880 --> 00:35:15.679
goals because we're dealing with an elevated stress level. And

746
00:35:15.760 --> 00:35:18.320
so my biggest thing is thinking about it as a

747
00:35:18.400 --> 00:35:22.199
proactive versus reactive process. Right, so instead of Okay, now

748
00:35:22.199 --> 00:35:24.079
I'm feeling really stressed, what do I need to do?

749
00:35:25.360 --> 00:35:27.960
How can I do five minutes every day of something

750
00:35:28.000 --> 00:35:30.800
that helps to just bring down the stress levels and

751
00:35:30.840 --> 00:35:33.039
that again makes it easier to be productive and to

752
00:35:33.079 --> 00:35:33.760
be focused.

753
00:35:34.639 --> 00:35:37.519
Cool, And you know, you talk a lot about the brain,

754
00:35:38.000 --> 00:35:43.280
the body, the soul. How do people because I believe that,

755
00:35:43.599 --> 00:35:46.119
you know, as we're making decisions and you talk about

756
00:35:46.199 --> 00:35:49.599
making decisions from the heart, it's really the intuition that

757
00:35:49.679 --> 00:35:54.239
type of thing. How do we get to the point

758
00:35:54.280 --> 00:35:56.920
and you mentioned mindfulness, how do we get to the

759
00:35:56.960 --> 00:36:02.760
point where we literally are experienced saying that inner piece,

760
00:36:02.880 --> 00:36:07.679
that inner divinity of the soul so often we just

761
00:36:07.920 --> 00:36:09.079
had no clue about it.

762
00:36:10.280 --> 00:36:13.519
I love this question so much, And what's coming to

763
00:36:13.559 --> 00:36:16.840
me as I was listening to you was that's where

764
00:36:16.880 --> 00:36:18.519
the stillness becomes so important.

765
00:36:18.559 --> 00:36:22.920
And so again, movement is about moving the body, doing.

766
00:36:22.679 --> 00:36:25.000
Things for the body to help to release the stress.

767
00:36:25.079 --> 00:36:30.320
Right, stillness is about pausing, finding time in your day

768
00:36:30.440 --> 00:36:35.079
to pause so that you can connect with yourself. We're

769
00:36:35.119 --> 00:36:37.079
such simple beings, and I think a lot of times

770
00:36:37.119 --> 00:36:38.400
we overcomplicate things.

771
00:36:38.400 --> 00:36:39.840
So it's like, well, what do I need to do?

772
00:36:40.159 --> 00:36:42.199
You can just sit, or you can just you.

773
00:36:42.119 --> 00:36:44.599
Know, go like you said, go go for a walk

774
00:36:44.639 --> 00:36:49.119
in nature without your phone distracting you and without scrolling

775
00:36:49.159 --> 00:36:53.039
social media. When we make time for stillness, whether we're

776
00:36:53.079 --> 00:36:56.079
trying to heal our bodies and release stress and trauma,

777
00:36:56.199 --> 00:36:58.840
or whether we're trying to you know, deepen our connection

778
00:36:58.920 --> 00:37:01.119
with our intuition or our you know, our higher self,

779
00:37:01.159 --> 00:37:05.119
our soul. When we just make the time, the process

780
00:37:05.199 --> 00:37:08.920
happens organically. The problem is that we're busy, we'removing. We

781
00:37:08.960 --> 00:37:12.440
don't often pause long enough for spirit or for you know,

782
00:37:12.519 --> 00:37:14.760
our ancestors, our guides to be able to get through and.

783
00:37:14.760 --> 00:37:15.679
Communicate to us.

784
00:37:15.960 --> 00:37:17.679
So it's not a ton of like what do I

785
00:37:17.760 --> 00:37:19.880
need to do as far as some sort of thing,

786
00:37:20.119 --> 00:37:22.639
you know, it's really just about how can I maybe

787
00:37:22.679 --> 00:37:26.039
find five or ten minutes to sit still, to take

788
00:37:26.119 --> 00:37:29.000
some deep breaths to clear my mind, because breath work

789
00:37:29.079 --> 00:37:32.119
is really helpful for clearing the mind. So that now

790
00:37:32.199 --> 00:37:35.960
that all the noise isn't there, things are quiet enough

791
00:37:35.960 --> 00:37:38.039
where I can hear from and connect with my soul.

792
00:37:38.519 --> 00:37:40.559
The last thing I'll say here is that we are

793
00:37:41.079 --> 00:37:44.480
all very used to operating from a very ego state.

794
00:37:44.559 --> 00:37:46.800
And the ego is that very loud voice in our

795
00:37:46.840 --> 00:37:50.159
heads that you know, it's all those mix of emotions,

796
00:37:50.159 --> 00:37:52.440
but oftentimes it's the fear, and it's the young worthiness,

797
00:37:52.480 --> 00:37:53.679
and it's all of these the.

798
00:37:53.679 --> 00:37:56.960
Self doubt, and that voice is very loud.

799
00:37:57.239 --> 00:37:59.840
I have found that for so many of us we

800
00:38:00.079 --> 00:38:02.159
miss the guidance of our soul, or what you might

801
00:38:02.199 --> 00:38:05.239
call the intuition, because it's almost like a quiet whisper.

802
00:38:05.559 --> 00:38:09.000
And if your day to day is your schedule's packed,

803
00:38:09.000 --> 00:38:12.239
there's no time to be still. You're constantly moving, there's

804
00:38:12.280 --> 00:38:14.880
always thoughts in your head, You're always thinking about tomorrow

805
00:38:15.039 --> 00:38:18.559
or yesterday. There's no time for that intuitive voice to

806
00:38:18.599 --> 00:38:21.039
come through because there's so much happening. And so again,

807
00:38:21.559 --> 00:38:23.880
mind and body are connected. When we slow the mind,

808
00:38:24.079 --> 00:38:26.599
when we slow the body down. When we take those

809
00:38:26.639 --> 00:38:29.400
deep breaths to calm the nervous system, the mind calms down,

810
00:38:29.440 --> 00:38:31.280
the body calms down, and now you could have a

811
00:38:31.320 --> 00:38:34.400
deeper connection with your intuition or your soul.

812
00:38:34.880 --> 00:38:38.320
And oftentimes it's a battle, isn't it, between the soul

813
00:38:38.480 --> 00:38:42.039
and the ego? And you know, it's fascinating. I know

814
00:38:42.079 --> 00:38:44.880
that cart totally wrote the book that I read at least,

815
00:38:44.960 --> 00:38:48.800
The New Earth, and he talks about ego and Buddha

816
00:38:48.920 --> 00:38:53.119
talks about suffering, and he talks about how the whole

817
00:38:53.159 --> 00:38:55.719
point of life is to get to the point where

818
00:38:55.719 --> 00:38:58.719
we are not experiencing that suffering. But it goes to

819
00:38:58.760 --> 00:39:01.199
the ego, doesn't it, Because it's the ego that wants this,

820
00:39:01.320 --> 00:39:04.119
that wants that, It wants us to be important in

821
00:39:04.159 --> 00:39:06.880
life among our neighbors, among our family, among our friends.

822
00:39:07.400 --> 00:39:11.079
How do you help people to minimize the ego and

823
00:39:11.199 --> 00:39:12.280
emphasize the soul.

824
00:39:12.920 --> 00:39:17.320
Yeah, so I'm human, right, and so it's a.

825
00:39:19.519 --> 00:39:21.480
Journey that we're all working through together.

826
00:39:21.679 --> 00:39:24.000
Because there are days where I'm like, man, I got this,

827
00:39:24.079 --> 00:39:25.800
and then there are days where I feel like my

828
00:39:25.920 --> 00:39:28.440
ego comes in and there's so much self doubt just

829
00:39:28.440 --> 00:39:30.840
because the vision is so big right that I'm trying

830
00:39:30.880 --> 00:39:32.760
to manifest and.

831
00:39:32.719 --> 00:39:34.280
Create that I get overwhelmed and I'm like, I have

832
00:39:34.320 --> 00:39:35.320
no idea if I can do this.

833
00:39:35.719 --> 00:39:39.880
But I would say that again going back to and

834
00:39:40.079 --> 00:39:42.400
I continue to say this because it's been so true

835
00:39:42.440 --> 00:39:45.880
in my life, going back to the basics. So going

836
00:39:45.960 --> 00:39:50.400
back to you know, holding space for meditation, holding space

837
00:39:50.440 --> 00:39:53.360
for breath work, really being consistent about those sorts of

838
00:39:53.440 --> 00:39:58.239
mindfulness practices are what really helped the ego. So meditation

839
00:39:58.400 --> 00:40:02.360
is really about becoming familiar with yourself. Doctor Joe Despenza

840
00:40:02.400 --> 00:40:04.320
describes it that way, and I remember hearing that for

841
00:40:04.400 --> 00:40:06.559
the first time and it really resonated me with me

842
00:40:06.599 --> 00:40:09.039
and so I've taken that and held on to that.

843
00:40:09.519 --> 00:40:13.000
So meditation again is about the coming familiar with self

844
00:40:13.039 --> 00:40:16.000
and what that means is when we are when we

845
00:40:16.199 --> 00:40:20.960
are asleep or on autopilot, the ego is driving the car,

846
00:40:21.159 --> 00:40:23.719
so it's making all the decisions. Again, we're kind of,

847
00:40:23.760 --> 00:40:26.800
you know, functioning out of habit and we're just going

848
00:40:26.800 --> 00:40:29.440
through life using and doing the habits that we've been

849
00:40:29.440 --> 00:40:32.039
doing for years for decades. Whether that's you know, how

850
00:40:32.079 --> 00:40:34.480
we respond and are the way that we're reactive to

851
00:40:34.559 --> 00:40:37.280
things or the choices that we make. And you know,

852
00:40:37.599 --> 00:40:39.559
going back to struggling with my weight, for so long,

853
00:40:39.639 --> 00:40:41.559
I was just in a habit of overeating because that's

854
00:40:41.599 --> 00:40:43.119
how I knew to cope with my emotions.

855
00:40:43.400 --> 00:40:46.360
There was no level of awareness about my actions.

856
00:40:46.400 --> 00:40:48.760
It was just like I get stressed and then now

857
00:40:48.800 --> 00:40:51.159
I'm triggered, and this is the way that I respond.

858
00:40:51.639 --> 00:40:54.400
What I have found is that through meditation and mindfulness,

859
00:40:54.400 --> 00:40:56.800
it almost like puts I would say, like a buffer

860
00:40:56.880 --> 00:40:59.679
between the thought and the action. So for me and

861
00:40:59.719 --> 00:41:01.840
for a lot of other people, that's like I no

862
00:41:01.920 --> 00:41:04.519
longer just have the thought and think I have to respond.

863
00:41:04.599 --> 00:41:06.719
I have the thought, and then I take a second

864
00:41:06.960 --> 00:41:08.960
to just observe the thought, and then I get to

865
00:41:08.960 --> 00:41:12.239
make a decision about responding from a higher mind or

866
00:41:12.280 --> 00:41:15.519
a higher self versus just the habit or the reactive.

867
00:41:15.039 --> 00:41:16.679
Place that I'm used to responding from.

868
00:41:16.880 --> 00:41:20.559
Now again, it's a process where some days we get

869
00:41:20.559 --> 00:41:22.679
it right and we do a really good job, and

870
00:41:22.800 --> 00:41:25.519
some days we don't, and then you try again. Just

871
00:41:25.519 --> 00:41:27.679
to real life example for me, like when you think

872
00:41:27.719 --> 00:41:30.320
about like what's a goal or something that you're working on,

873
00:41:30.639 --> 00:41:33.000
I have two young children and right now it's just me,

874
00:41:33.159 --> 00:41:36.679
and so you know, I'm not a single mother in

875
00:41:36.679 --> 00:41:38.480
the sense that they don't have their father, but when

876
00:41:38.480 --> 00:41:40.159
they're with me, I'm a single mom and it's just

877
00:41:40.239 --> 00:41:43.039
me and my girls. And so there are days where

878
00:41:43.079 --> 00:41:44.920
I don't get a break, and I might be trying to,

879
00:41:45.079 --> 00:41:47.199
you know, balance life and business and all the things,

880
00:41:47.199 --> 00:41:48.559
and then I also have to be a mom and

881
00:41:48.599 --> 00:41:51.800
sometimes that can be a lot. And so I will say, Okay,

882
00:41:51.800 --> 00:41:54.239
I want to show up today and be peaceful and calm,

883
00:41:54.280 --> 00:41:57.920
and then something happens right and things go left, and

884
00:41:57.960 --> 00:42:00.440
that goal, that plan gets thrown complt the out of

885
00:42:00.480 --> 00:42:03.519
the window. But on the really good days, mindfulness has

886
00:42:03.559 --> 00:42:07.480
helped me to get to a space where something happens,

887
00:42:07.519 --> 00:42:10.280
stressor or trigger happens and I have just a split

888
00:42:10.320 --> 00:42:12.440
second to be like I can yell or like, you know,

889
00:42:12.480 --> 00:42:14.480
I'm gonna yell and respond to this, or I'm going

890
00:42:14.559 --> 00:42:16.840
to just take a deep breath. And it's in taking

891
00:42:16.880 --> 00:42:19.199
that deep breath that I can just catch myself before

892
00:42:19.239 --> 00:42:21.280
I respond to react in a way that doesn't feel

893
00:42:21.280 --> 00:42:23.360
good and go through all the emotions that come with that.

894
00:42:23.719 --> 00:42:26.239
So I hope that answers your question. I've found that.

895
00:42:26.480 --> 00:42:28.960
Meditation just gives you a bit of a buffer to

896
00:42:29.039 --> 00:42:31.760
become aware of the thoughts and not just automatically respond

897
00:42:31.800 --> 00:42:33.519
to the thoughts and the you know, the habits that

898
00:42:33.559 --> 00:42:36.000
we oftentimes respond frous So.

899
00:42:36.079 --> 00:42:39.119
True, so true. So you've written a book, Hold Space

900
00:42:39.199 --> 00:42:42.320
to Heal. Can you share very quickly with the audience

901
00:42:43.000 --> 00:42:45.480
what's that about? Or does it include everything we've been

902
00:42:45.519 --> 00:42:46.079
talking about.

903
00:42:46.119 --> 00:42:49.119
Yeah, I think our conversation has done a really great

904
00:42:49.199 --> 00:42:51.280
job of summing up a lot of the book. So

905
00:42:51.360 --> 00:42:53.599
the book is called Hold Space to Heal, and it

906
00:42:53.639 --> 00:42:57.400
offers seven somatic practices that again, so talking about what

907
00:42:57.440 --> 00:43:01.519
we talked about today that you can use to release, reconnect,

908
00:43:01.639 --> 00:43:05.559
and remember. And what I mean by release, reconnect and remember.

909
00:43:05.800 --> 00:43:08.159
I have found that healing is a process, right like

910
00:43:09.360 --> 00:43:12.199
evolving into your highest self is a process. So the

911
00:43:12.239 --> 00:43:15.480
first step is the releasing process. So we talked about

912
00:43:15.639 --> 00:43:18.079
at the top of the episode. That's the process of

913
00:43:18.159 --> 00:43:20.239
being willing to go back to look at all the

914
00:43:20.280 --> 00:43:22.880
things that happen to you, to explore those things, and

915
00:43:22.920 --> 00:43:24.920
then to make a decision that this no longer has

916
00:43:24.960 --> 00:43:26.960
to be, This no longer has to be my story.

917
00:43:27.000 --> 00:43:28.480
I don't have to be stuck in this and I

918
00:43:28.480 --> 00:43:30.880
can release this. The next part of.

919
00:43:30.880 --> 00:43:33.840
The process is the reconnection process, and we've also talked

920
00:43:33.840 --> 00:43:37.239
about that. That is reconnection with source or however you

921
00:43:37.280 --> 00:43:40.599
define your higher power. There's something higher out here that is,

922
00:43:40.679 --> 00:43:45.440
you know, generating the energy you know, for the planet

923
00:43:45.440 --> 00:43:47.760
and us having this human experience, so however you want

924
00:43:47.800 --> 00:43:48.400
to title that.

925
00:43:48.639 --> 00:43:50.920
But there's also reconnection with our bodies.

926
00:43:51.039 --> 00:43:54.800
Oftentimes, when we've experienced trauma, we disconnect from our bodies

927
00:43:54.960 --> 00:43:57.519
and you have to reconnect with the body. You have

928
00:43:57.599 --> 00:44:00.280
to you know, get to know the body as who

929
00:44:00.320 --> 00:44:03.079
you are today. And then that last part of reconnection

930
00:44:03.159 --> 00:44:05.559
I think we've also talked about is really reconnecting with

931
00:44:05.599 --> 00:44:08.400
the intuition, right, so you start to reconnect with all

932
00:44:08.400 --> 00:44:11.559
these aspects of yourself. And then the third part of

933
00:44:11.599 --> 00:44:14.280
the process is the remembering. And what I mean by

934
00:44:14.280 --> 00:44:17.079
that is that's really an ongoing process, the remembering. So

935
00:44:17.400 --> 00:44:20.480
you're doing that, I'm doing that. It's remembering our power.

936
00:44:20.880 --> 00:44:24.079
I think that you know, as spiritual beings having this

937
00:44:24.159 --> 00:44:25.440
human existence, we.

938
00:44:25.320 --> 00:44:28.239
Are born and we forget really at the core who

939
00:44:28.239 --> 00:44:28.639
we are.

940
00:44:29.239 --> 00:44:31.599
And then life is about helping us to remember so

941
00:44:31.639 --> 00:44:33.920
we can go through these obstacles and choose to see

942
00:44:33.960 --> 00:44:36.440
them as a part of our soul's journey to remembering

943
00:44:37.159 --> 00:44:39.880
our mission or a journey and what we said yes

944
00:44:39.920 --> 00:44:42.800
to before we came here. And that's ongoing, right like that.

945
00:44:43.039 --> 00:44:45.039
That's not like an end day. It's not you reach

946
00:44:45.079 --> 00:44:46.519
a certain level and now I'm done.

947
00:44:46.519 --> 00:44:47.039
I remember.

948
00:44:47.159 --> 00:44:48.480
That's a constant process.

949
00:44:48.519 --> 00:44:51.719
But when you allow yourself to remember your power, to

950
00:44:51.760 --> 00:44:55.000
remember your purpose, to remember your soul's unique blueprint, I

951
00:44:55.000 --> 00:44:57.920
think that's when we are the most aligned to who

952
00:44:57.920 --> 00:45:00.559
we desire to be before we came here. And that's

953
00:45:00.599 --> 00:45:02.760
when we can show up in the way in a world,

954
00:45:02.800 --> 00:45:05.400
in the world that makes impact and helps others to

955
00:45:05.440 --> 00:45:06.800
go through that same process.

956
00:45:07.599 --> 00:45:10.480
True, all right, So as we come do a close,

957
00:45:11.159 --> 00:45:13.760
what would be a short message that you'd like to

958
00:45:13.800 --> 00:45:14.800
share with the audience.

959
00:45:17.239 --> 00:45:21.800
I believe that we all have the ability to really

960
00:45:21.880 --> 00:45:24.320
take charge of our healing journey. I think we give

961
00:45:24.440 --> 00:45:27.079
so much of our power away to external sources. So

962
00:45:27.079 --> 00:45:29.840
whether that's a therapist or a doctor, I think that

963
00:45:29.960 --> 00:45:32.880
professionals are helpful for us, but I think that so

964
00:45:33.039 --> 00:45:35.280
many of us are missing the mark on really doing

965
00:45:35.280 --> 00:45:38.360
the work for ourselves by holding space to heal, as

966
00:45:38.360 --> 00:45:40.840
we talked about today, and so I just want to

967
00:45:41.000 --> 00:45:44.440
encourage people to take their power back. You can work

968
00:45:44.599 --> 00:45:47.639
with a professional, whether it's a doctor or a therapist

969
00:45:47.719 --> 00:45:51.159
in your healing journey, but be empowered to know that

970
00:45:51.239 --> 00:45:54.599
you have so much of an ability to heal yourself

971
00:45:54.679 --> 00:45:58.400
by moving the body, by getting still and holding space

972
00:45:58.480 --> 00:46:01.360
for those you know, unres emotions to come up and

973
00:46:01.400 --> 00:46:03.960
to be released. So I just want to remind people

974
00:46:04.000 --> 00:46:06.760
of the power that we have and to help people

975
00:46:07.559 --> 00:46:10.440
to hopefully have people feel empowered to really start taking

976
00:46:10.480 --> 00:46:12.480
their power back by doing some of that work themselves.

977
00:46:12.960 --> 00:46:16.199
Oh wonderful, Thank you well, Dominie's. This has been incredible.

978
00:46:16.599 --> 00:46:17.840
I wish we had more time.

979
00:46:18.880 --> 00:46:21.440
Thank you for having me, doctor Doug. I've enjoyed this conversation.

980
00:46:21.800 --> 00:46:24.840
I really appreciate it, and folks, thanks for listening. I

981
00:46:24.880 --> 00:46:27.360
hope you really enjoyed this and look forward to having

982
00:46:27.360 --> 00:46:30.400
you join us again soon. There's doctor Duck saying no

983
00:46:30.559 --> 00:46:30.960
mistay