Nov. 25, 2024

Personal Transformation Blueprint

Personal Transformation Blueprint

Welcome to Dan Storey. Dan has some incredible insights into how we can achieve goals by learning how to make better decisions.
Everything that we do comes down to a moment of choice and decisions. We can look at the past and be happy for the good...

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Welcome to Dan Storey. Dan has some incredible insights into how we can achieve goals by learning how to make better decisions.
Everything that we do comes down to a moment of choice and decisions. We can look at the past and be happy for the good decisions and possibly regret the bad decisions and the consequences that result that those choices.
But the past is past and we are here in present time. We can change the outcome of our lives.
Listen and learn.
http://www.danstorey.com

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WEBVTT

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This program is designed to provide general information with regards

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to the subject matters covered. This information is given with

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the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station

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are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,

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legal counseling, professional service, or any advice.

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You should seek the services.

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Of competent professionals before applying or trying any suggested ideas.

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At the end of the day, it's not about what

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you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what

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you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up,

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who you've made better. It's about what you've given back.

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Thanzel Washington, Welcome to Inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is

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to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you

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to do the same.

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Dan, welcome to the show. Thank you for having me.

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It's a pleasure and on different sides of the planet,

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but I love how technology makes it possible.

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Toy, Oh, you know, it's wonderful. It's amazing to me

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that you know here. I thought you might be in

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the UK. Now you're in New York and as you say,

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you've been traveling all over so it's great that we

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can do this.

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Yeah, I'm was getting smaller.

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I would love for you to share with the audience

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kind of who.

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You are and the story behind what helped you to

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reach this point in your life and what you're doing

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and why you're doing what you're doing to help other people.

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Beautiful. Okay, So let me see if I can give

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you a good answer to that. Because I'm forty five

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years old and who I am I think still is

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evolving and I'm starting to grow into myself a little bit.

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If you look at the kind of professional side of me,

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then I'm a speaker and trainer. I speak a lot

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on the ideas of sales and psychology. I'm a behavioral scientist,

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and effectively I teach salespeople how to help people make

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good decisions and typically good decision and are aligned with

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purchasing decisions around sales. So that's kind of the corporate space.

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I apply those same psychological principles to my own life.

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I'm a bodybuilder, a natural bodybuilder, and I'm kind of

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preparing for ant of the competition which I have in

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four weeks, which is the world title. So I'm kind

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of currently in that kind of headspace to really challenge

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myself and push myself outside of my comfort zone. And

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then if you ask family who I am, I'm Dan.

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I'm like the hyper competitive one that likes winning all

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the board games. It probably it's a little bit too

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much cake. When I come to visit typically has a

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good word to say, but because sometimes get a little

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bit cranky. How else when people talk about following those

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kind of things. So yeah, so that's kind of me.

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And I'm a dad and I have an amazing daughter.

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We're like I say, We're currently based in New York Coast.

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School is literally within earshot, so if the microphone isn't

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controlled too much, then you can probably hear a screaming

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running around in playground. And that's basically how I spend

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my time. In any other part of me, which I'm

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still trying to grow into, which is the interesting piece

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and we'll probably talk about this today, is this idea

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of being an author. So I've written two books over

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a period of ten years. I was a period of

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ten years in between when I started to realize that

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I can actually do this stuff, and I just write

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on my third one. But there's that aspect of me

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is still growing, It's still one that I don't haven't

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fully grown into. So if you asked me in a

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year who I am, it'll probably be slightly more focused

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on the authoring and the writing. But for right now,

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I'm kind of this hodgepodge of talk about sales, do

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some bodybuilding. I'm slightly different color. You may be able

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to see on the video slightly orange eer orangeer is

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that the word will go with it from the fake

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town from last week's competition. But yeah, I just enjoy life.

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I like to live at both ends of the spectrum

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as much as I possibly can and not rule anything out.

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So I'm as comfortable listening to hip hop, nineties hip

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hop and RMBA. I am going to a theater and

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we went to see The Lion King on Broadway. The

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night is my mum's birthday present, So you know, I

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think we can all have lots of different experiences. I'm

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comfortable with that.

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Okay, so major bodybuilder and you're in a competition.

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I think that's cool.

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I keep struggling to try to do that better, but

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we're not going to talk.

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About that today.

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So what was there an aha moment that you've had

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or was it just a gradual to where you you know,

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started writing your books obviously to reach out to other people.

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What what caused you to decide that you really wanted to

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do what you're doing in helping people besides the business

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part and really helping people. Now the latest book is

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your latest book, the Personal Transformation blue Book Blueprint.

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Yeah, that's right. Yeah, so that was a documentation of

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kind of how my mental journey for the bodybuilding. Yeah. Okay,

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there's slice a lot of difference.

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All right, So what was that aha moment or was

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it just edle that you kind of decided that I, right,

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I want to really help the community. I want to

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help other people.

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So I've been in I guess the personal development self

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help space for a very long time. That's how it started.

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In this whole training journey. A friend of mine gave

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me a CD you guys know Anthony Roberts, the Personal

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Power CDs from back in the day, and I was

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at the time, I was training athletes, I was working

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in sport in personal training. He said, hey, listen to this,

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I think it will help, and it really did. Like

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I found it extremely interesting, so much so that I

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went and studied neural linguistic programming and did my master

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practition all those kind of things, and then that led

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to a business kind of engagement and they said, how

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can you go and teach this to some people over here?

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And I said, okay, sure, and that kind of started

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my sales training career. So I started teaching neural linguistic

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programming to business people and salespeople across Europe and UK

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and eventually all over the world. In that time, I

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wrote goals. You've probably written goals right and occasionally and

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there's a little scraps of paper on the notebooks that

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you write there. And there were certain goals that always

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came up right. And one of them was sub teen

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percent body fat because you know you've got to have

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abs and all those kind of things, and you know,

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kind of get programmed. Never hit that goal. Never up

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until recently we were talking about that. Another one was

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write a goal goal setting book. I wanted to write

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a book on goal setting. It's tons of the night.

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There never happened, Never happened. Had like every year I'd

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write these same goals down. For some reason, it never happened.

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I wrote other goals, some of those you know, we're

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able to happen, but these two were always out of reach.

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I don't know why. And then so coming back to

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your question, was there a moment. There was a moment

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and it was buying three years ago and we were

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on the beach I don't know. You know England, there's

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an amazing beach called Western super Mare. They have to

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add the super I don't know why, but it's not

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that super but as great as a year you grow

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up near the Bristol coast and we were there. We

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were there with the family and it was a sunny day.

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And I remember this because we had the daughter's like

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first one and the first experiences at the beach. He's

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running around in the sound, maybe a couple of years old.

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Family there and it's a decent day. So take the

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shirt off, enjoy the sun, running around the shorts. It

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get splashed, but yeah, it's far fun of being the beach. Heay,

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end of the day. Get the photos and I see

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this one particular photo of me just standing there with

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no shirt on, and something different hit me. Yeah. I

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don't know if you've ever looked at a picture of yourself,

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You see yourself in the mirror and it's just you, right,

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it's you, but this one. I don't know why, but

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I saw something different and I saw somebody who said

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a load of good stuff but never really followed through it.

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It's weird. I don't know why. But it was like

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very average, Like it's an average body, average relationship, average career,

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just average everything. And I looked at it and I

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was like, my average, Like is that what I am?

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If I settled to be average? I talked about all

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these kind of go out and do these things and

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challenge yourself and push yourself. But there was this weird

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disconnect that had and all I saw was someone who

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had loads of excuses for reasons for not doing things.

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I can't put it any more than that. Just this

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one photo triggered this idea that I just make excuses

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and I never challenged myself and I've never really seen

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anything through as far as I possibly could. And that

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was kind of a kick in the butt, you know that.

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It was kind of a moment of like oh okay,

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And so I had a choice. I was like, okay, well,

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are you gonna just stay average or are you going

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to go and do something about it? And that was

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that's kind of if you say, was there a moment.

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It was one single photograph that triggered it all off.

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Wow wow, Yeah, and it's amazing. I'm really curious because

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I noticed in your bio and you've talked about the

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fact that you have that master's degree and behavior but

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it's behavioral decision and I've not heard of that particular one.

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For I know that the behavioral sciences, but the behavioral

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decision what what is that? Why is that distinguished?

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You know? I guess there's probably two answers. That one

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is the marketing answer, which is the university probably had

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to put some spin on it to make it sound

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a little bit more interesting than others. But for me,

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the reason I like that is there's there's behavioral science,

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so we can look at things like nuds. You know,

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you can you control people and can you encourage them

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to do things by creating environments where they make choices

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that make sets of better choices. You know. So us

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having this conversation with a friend of mine, you other there,

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he's very libertarianism. He's like freedom for everyone, everyone make

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the same choices. I'm like, that's great, But they still

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put warnings on domestic cleaners not to drink them right,

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So we have to control people. People aren't People aren't done,

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but they don't always make great decisions. So there's this

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idea of paternal libertarianism, which is, you have freedom of choice,

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but we're going to guide you if you don't know it. So,

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for example, if you install a computer program, none of

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us a computer programmers. So we also hit the default

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option because we trust that that is the best option

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for us.

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Is it?

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I don't know, but only you, say, five percent of

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people ever update the basic setting. So we have to

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trust that some of the choices that have been made

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for us are good, and then the rest of the

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choices are ours to make, right, or we at least

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think there are ours to make, and yet we make

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some howless, we make some absolutely terrible decisions. And for me,

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the reason to study this is twofold. Right. So first

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of all, I teach salespeople to influence people's decisions, I

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should probably understand how people make decisions. But then the

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second part is, hey, Dan, look back across your life.

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You made some terrible, terrible decisions. What were you doing, like,

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what were you doing? What was going on in your head?

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And on the other side of that then is how

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can I make fewer terrible decisions moving forward? But everything

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that we do comes down to a moment of choice,

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right our choice of what to do, what to have

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for breakfast, what to spend doing during our day? How

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do you know what clothes do we wear? All of

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these things are choices and they influence us moving forwards.

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We can't do anything about today, all of those decisions

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have been made that bring us up to today. But

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for tomorrow, and if we want to change, and again

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coming back to that photo, if I want to change

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who that person is I see in the picture. Can't

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change the history, but I can change what I do

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from today moving forwards. But it's got to be conscious.

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If I just go with my automatic programming, if I

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go with the status quo, then tomorrow I'm going to

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wake up and it's going to be the same met

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And if I'm happy with the same me, then great.

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But if I want to evolve, I want to change

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on something different, then I need to make different decisions.

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And so that that's kind of the thing. I guess

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it's really understanding why do we make decisions? And how

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can we make better ones? Okay?

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And how do you find the correlation because I find

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this very interesting. You know, you work with bodybuilders, and

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you know, as we as we look in general at

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all of the activities to go on with football and

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baseball and all all those activities bodybuilding and so forth,

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you know, you see that and I know that based

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on a lot of interviews that I've done, that the body,

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using the body to move and to do all those

247
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things really can help in a sense of being able

248
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to make some changes in our lives and understand what's

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going on. At the same time, you read some of

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these incredible stories that are just a nightmare where you

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know here they are, and yet they're not making good choices.

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What have you found when you're working with people in business,

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for instance, where you know in NLP. Obviously for the

254
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folks that don't know what that is, I think it

255
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can be used in a couple of ways. One, if

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you're in sales and in business, NP is really amazing

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on how you can help people to make decisions, all right,

258
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and then I'll not go any further than that. But

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NP also if you get more into the personal aspect,

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is you're able to help people understand why they are

261
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making the decisions that they're making, and if those decisions

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are negative or not really helping the individual, then using

263
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some and LP processes, you're able to help remove, identify,

264
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and then remove some of those subconscious belief systems that

265
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are literally causing the decisions to be made. What are

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your thoughts on that?

267
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So so many things in there, and just for people

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who are listening. So NP is this idea of new

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linguistic programming. It's come up with. It was designed way

270
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way back by two people. One of them was a

271
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computer programmer and one of them was a linguist. And

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this idea of can we use language in the same

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way that we can program computers and effectively understand the

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coding and the way we code processes and up bring

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So just for understanding, that's all it is. It's a

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pattern of language or language patterns that we can use

277
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and then you can obviously build different programmings. So like

278
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you said, we can change people's limiting beliefs or understand

279
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programs by using this kind of common phrasing or language.

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And so I'm also an appy. I used to be

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a sports person. I used to play American football as

282
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a brick that's not very common, but I've kind of

283
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played sport. My current challenge is bodybuilding. I tried trying

284
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to run out iron round for once. That was not

285
00:14:19.759 --> 00:14:22.120
a good choice. But yeah, you make life choices and

286
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sometimes you learn from them don't repeat the pattern. So

287
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I think the question was what was the question is

288
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what if I find and it's like the crossover I

289
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guess between sport and business and how we can use

290
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all these things. And I think there's there's a few things,

291
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and it's really the first step is always awareness, right,

292
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first step is always awareness is look at the situations

293
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and try and understand the situations that we're in. And

294
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the biggest, the biggest thing I think in in kind

295
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of understanding situations is that we we actually don't make decisions.

296
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We don't we go with default or what I have

297
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to deal with a lot in sales is status quill

298
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so state quo biass quo. Bias says, it's really hard

299
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to get going Newton's first law of motions, like a

300
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object arrest tends to stay at rest like that that

301
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that kind of idea is that unless something comes in

302
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and kicks us in the butt or as a force

303
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applied or something that we're not going to do anything.

304
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We're just going to stay the same. And this is

305
00:15:20.440 --> 00:15:23.200
what this is, ironically, this is what I call the

306
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trap of average, is that most people are in a

307
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situation where average is okay, and we don't have this

308
00:15:29.759 --> 00:15:34.039
burning need to change. We're not you know, life isn't failing.

309
00:15:34.159 --> 00:15:36.639
We're not down and out, we don't have all these problems.

310
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We see all these kind of rag to riches stories.

311
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We're like, oh, our life isn't that bad, so we're okay.

312
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But we're also not happy enough to be able to celebrate.

313
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So we're in this kind of weird, no motivation zone

314
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that never kicks us in the butt unless something happens right,

315
00:15:51.399 --> 00:15:54.559
and we wait for these life events like a diagnosis

316
00:15:54.679 --> 00:15:56.919
or you know, somebody telling us something that we had

317
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no idea, or something completely comes out, were fired or

318
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something like that. We wait for these things to happen

319
00:16:02.480 --> 00:16:05.679
to nudge us out of the status quo bias salespeople

320
00:16:05.840 --> 00:16:07.679
is the entire job of sales. But my job is

321
00:16:07.679 --> 00:16:10.159
to call you and nudge you out of your status quo.

322
00:16:10.399 --> 00:16:13.320
Like everything was good until the salesperson arrived. Now I

323
00:16:13.360 --> 00:16:16.559
have a problem, thanks Salespeperuse why people don't like salespeople

324
00:16:16.559 --> 00:16:18.960
because they just introduce if they're good, they introduce problems

325
00:16:19.000 --> 00:16:21.960
that I now have to fix enough problems, Thank you

326
00:16:22.039 --> 00:16:24.360
very much, salesperson. But that's the hardest thing, right, So

327
00:16:25.120 --> 00:16:29.840
most problems are typically caused by status quad because we

328
00:16:29.879 --> 00:16:33.440
don't take proactive action, like, for example, how did you

329
00:16:33.559 --> 00:16:36.120
do you have? If it's late? I've got my coffee, right,

330
00:16:36.159 --> 00:16:40.279
so here's my coffee? And on New York mug, how

331
00:16:40.279 --> 00:16:42.600
do I take my coffee? How do I take my coffee?

332
00:16:42.840 --> 00:16:44.799
I probably have that the same way as I always do,

333
00:16:45.279 --> 00:16:47.919
you know. And for years that was a lot of

334
00:16:47.960 --> 00:16:52.000
milk and a lot of sugar and syrup. And then

335
00:16:52.159 --> 00:16:54.720
one day something happened to ruin that. And do you

336
00:16:54.720 --> 00:17:01.679
know what happened? Starbucks put calories on the menu. Thank you, Starbucks.

337
00:17:01.720 --> 00:17:04.119
You absolutely ruined it. Because I went in and think, coffee, Hey,

338
00:17:04.200 --> 00:17:06.559
is coffey? What's the worst that can happen? Apparently five

339
00:17:06.640 --> 00:17:08.880
hundred calories is the worst that can happen. That was

340
00:17:08.920 --> 00:17:12.759
like my kind of grande latter caramel frappucino with extra

341
00:17:12.799 --> 00:17:14.480
shot of all of these things. And now suddenly I'm

342
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like giving some new information, which says it's probably not

343
00:17:16.839 --> 00:17:20.279
a good idea. And so this is what's the challenge

344
00:17:20.319 --> 00:17:22.440
with states caused we never get out of it. So

345
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the first thing for anybody to look at is to

346
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evaluate where they are. And if it's like, I mean

347
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a lot of people, hey, my job, home, my career,

348
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I've got a conversation. In a little while, I was like, oh,

349
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I've got these opportunities, Like what should I do? I

350
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was like, okay, well, look at the states called where

351
00:17:36.440 --> 00:17:38.279
are you? And how did you get there? And is

352
00:17:38.279 --> 00:17:40.920
there a pan that you keep running through to get

353
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into this situation where you feel stuck or annoyed or frustrated,

354
00:17:44.759 --> 00:17:47.039
And look at the decisions that lead you to this point?

355
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Are you doing something every day that kind of creates

356
00:17:49.440 --> 00:17:53.200
this this treadmill effort? So that's that's the kind of

357
00:17:53.240 --> 00:17:54.920
the first thing. The second thing I say, Okay, well

358
00:17:55.799 --> 00:17:57.440
what do I need to change? Do I need to

359
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make a different decision? Do I need to change my behavior?

360
00:18:01.079 --> 00:18:04.319
And if I do, then what is that transition? What

361
00:18:04.359 --> 00:18:06.759
does that gap look like? Right? Where does that go?

362
00:18:07.480 --> 00:18:09.200
And typically, if we're going to do something, then we

363
00:18:09.240 --> 00:18:12.400
need to change. We're going to do something sustainable, We

364
00:18:12.440 --> 00:18:14.400
need to change our identity, right, We need to think

365
00:18:14.400 --> 00:18:17.599
of ourselves as a different person and then behave in

366
00:18:17.640 --> 00:18:21.079
accordance with that. We can tie our shoelaces differently or

367
00:18:21.079 --> 00:18:23.160
we do something very superficial, but that isn't going to

368
00:18:23.200 --> 00:18:26.640
create lasting change. So anytime you want to create lasting change,

369
00:18:26.640 --> 00:18:29.799
it's an identity thing. So for me, like I said earlier,

370
00:18:30.039 --> 00:18:32.079
everyone want to be an author. I have to think

371
00:18:32.119 --> 00:18:34.960
of myself as an author and that I have to

372
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act as an author. But there's a gap, and that

373
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gap is imposter syndrome. And that gap is that little

374
00:18:43.519 --> 00:18:46.119
voice that says, yeah, but Dan, you're not an author,

375
00:18:46.440 --> 00:18:48.480
like you know, you're not healthy, you're a terrible writer.

376
00:18:48.599 --> 00:18:50.880
And I can even hear my English teacher's voice from

377
00:18:50.920 --> 00:18:53.559
back in the day. It's like that. And so we

378
00:18:53.599 --> 00:18:55.880
have to overcome that. And a lot of people can't

379
00:18:55.920 --> 00:18:59.279
overcome that, that imposter syndrome, or we doubt ourselves, or

380
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we kind of do it a little bit and then

381
00:19:00.920 --> 00:19:03.079
we're like, don't hope people don't see us, and we

382
00:19:03.160 --> 00:19:05.880
kind of diet it back. So that's that's the big

383
00:19:05.960 --> 00:19:06.960
challenge of coming.

384
00:19:07.440 --> 00:19:09.880
Yeah, and you know, as you were, as you were

385
00:19:09.920 --> 00:19:12.480
studying the behavioral sciences.

386
00:19:13.519 --> 00:19:14.359
Did you get.

387
00:19:14.119 --> 00:19:18.279
Involved or have you got involved in any of the

388
00:19:18.319 --> 00:19:23.240
analyzes that help people to understand their personality and their

389
00:19:23.279 --> 00:19:25.960
profiling and so forth. And you know what I find

390
00:19:26.000 --> 00:19:27.880
really interesting and I want to get into something that

391
00:19:27.920 --> 00:19:31.920
you talk about a little bit, and and that is

392
00:19:32.000 --> 00:19:33.240
this imposter syndrome.

393
00:19:33.559 --> 00:19:33.920
Okay.

394
00:19:34.039 --> 00:19:38.000
And as I've used that profiling the way that I

395
00:19:38.079 --> 00:19:40.920
happen to use it on an individual basis, I really

396
00:19:40.960 --> 00:19:44.839
look at how you know we are who we are.

397
00:19:45.119 --> 00:19:47.960
I mean, there is that innate individual that oftentimes we

398
00:19:48.039 --> 00:19:52.480
have no clue who we are. Then there's that social

399
00:19:53.559 --> 00:19:56.119
who we need to be personality, and I think that

400
00:19:56.160 --> 00:20:00.279
becomes the definition of the impostor syndrome. We are who

401
00:20:00.319 --> 00:20:02.559
we think we need to be. We are who the

402
00:20:02.640 --> 00:20:05.920
society tells us we have to be, who religion, whose school,

403
00:20:06.319 --> 00:20:09.319
who everything tells us we need to be, and then

404
00:20:09.839 --> 00:20:13.000
ultimately we are who we really truly.

405
00:20:13.200 --> 00:20:13.880
Choose to be.

406
00:20:14.759 --> 00:20:20.440
And how many people do you find are literally living

407
00:20:20.440 --> 00:20:25.799
in that imposture syndrome and don't actually even realize that

408
00:20:25.880 --> 00:20:26.640
they're doing that.

409
00:20:28.920 --> 00:20:31.480
If you look at the research for imposter syndrome itself,

410
00:20:31.559 --> 00:20:34.920
about seventy percent of people have imposter syndrome. I would

411
00:20:35.039 --> 00:20:37.000
love to be one of those thirty percent that just

412
00:20:37.039 --> 00:20:41.400
goes around this unbelievable self confidence or naivety in my

413
00:20:41.440 --> 00:20:46.319
own lack of ability. But it's about seventy percent, and

414
00:20:46.400 --> 00:20:49.200
it is contextual, right, It is contextual that you know,

415
00:20:49.359 --> 00:20:52.720
sometimes I feel very confident in an area. Sometimes I

416
00:20:52.759 --> 00:20:55.519
feel out of confidence, and you know, so sometimes I'm

417
00:20:55.559 --> 00:20:58.680
really good things. Sometimes I'll follow through. But typically at

418
00:20:58.759 --> 00:21:01.960
least seventy percent of people with experience imposts syndrome from

419
00:21:02.039 --> 00:21:07.079
time soon that's a stung thing. Well, the court of

420
00:21:07.160 --> 00:21:07.880
questions is.

421
00:21:08.240 --> 00:21:11.440
Well, well, let's go a little bit further. You know

422
00:21:12.160 --> 00:21:15.640
when when people you know you you make the comment

423
00:21:15.720 --> 00:21:17.559
and I love it, and we're all in this you

424
00:21:17.559 --> 00:21:20.440
know situation where you're you're still trying to figure out

425
00:21:20.440 --> 00:21:22.519
who you are. And you know that's why I love

426
00:21:22.559 --> 00:21:23.079
that question.

427
00:21:23.119 --> 00:21:23.799
You know who are you?

428
00:21:25.240 --> 00:21:26.920
But you know who am I?

429
00:21:27.319 --> 00:21:27.759
Who?

430
00:21:28.400 --> 00:21:30.880
When we ask that question of ourselves, who am I?

431
00:21:31.680 --> 00:21:36.960
And then we start to watch our behavior. I have

432
00:21:37.079 --> 00:21:40.079
a saying and it's it's somewhat religious. So for those

433
00:21:40.079 --> 00:21:43.480
of you that are not religious, I apologize, but you know,

434
00:21:43.799 --> 00:21:47.559
from a Christianity standpoint, I every once in a while

435
00:21:47.599 --> 00:21:49.680
when someone really gets into you need to do this,

436
00:21:49.799 --> 00:21:51.680
you need to do that, this is how you need.

437
00:21:51.559 --> 00:21:51.839
To do it.

438
00:21:51.839 --> 00:21:54.240
And you know, I'll just say, okay, have a question

439
00:21:54.359 --> 00:21:58.680
for you. For those of you that understand who Christ is,

440
00:22:00.119 --> 00:22:05.759
did he do what he did to become Christ? Or

441
00:22:05.799 --> 00:22:09.960
did he do what he did because he was Christ?

442
00:22:10.720 --> 00:22:13.279
And then I bring that into you know, as we

443
00:22:13.319 --> 00:22:16.279
look at our behaviors, we look at our actions. Are

444
00:22:16.279 --> 00:22:20.319
we doing that because we hope to become something? Or

445
00:22:20.359 --> 00:22:24.519
do we do that because we already are and therefore

446
00:22:24.839 --> 00:22:27.480
we do And if we notice then that you know,

447
00:22:27.519 --> 00:22:29.559
we want to change that a bit. As you talk

448
00:22:29.640 --> 00:22:32.079
about then what that really means is we need to

449
00:22:32.119 --> 00:22:35.359
figure out how do we change that internal and make

450
00:22:35.480 --> 00:22:39.880
person to become so that it becomes a natural fluid

451
00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:40.960
go to result.

452
00:22:41.640 --> 00:22:43.880
So let's take let's take that example. And as Silaious

453
00:22:43.920 --> 00:22:46.680
and I grew up as in your Christian family, in

454
00:22:46.720 --> 00:22:50.400
my family Silver church, I'm still yet to decide, and

455
00:22:50.440 --> 00:22:52.720
I don't necessarily believe in labels, but let's say there

456
00:22:52.759 --> 00:22:54.920
is definitely something out there and we'll call it something

457
00:22:54.920 --> 00:22:58.079
different to avoid fighting in each other. But let's take

458
00:22:58.119 --> 00:23:01.440
this example right is it comes down to a moment.

459
00:23:01.839 --> 00:23:04.480
Christ is there and he's like, I could get out

460
00:23:04.480 --> 00:23:06.759
of this, right, this is the he has some amazing,

461
00:23:06.839 --> 00:23:09.640
crazy superpower, a marble who could only dream of. But

462
00:23:09.680 --> 00:23:11.440
he's like, I could get out of this, Dad, I

463
00:23:11.480 --> 00:23:14.039
need a favor, get me out of this crazy situation,

464
00:23:14.119 --> 00:23:15.960
and right to put me off on his cross, hammer

465
00:23:16.039 --> 00:23:18.519
me into this thing with nails, get me out of here.

466
00:23:18.680 --> 00:23:23.200
There's definitely that option. There's definitely that option. And yeah,

467
00:23:23.279 --> 00:23:26.920
he chooses in that moment choice right to go through.

468
00:23:27.119 --> 00:23:30.359
He follows through with whatever path was said out. Okay,

469
00:23:30.559 --> 00:23:33.039
but this is this is what people forget that. That's

470
00:23:33.200 --> 00:23:37.720
that's one thing. Let's rewind. Let's rewind. Let's look at

471
00:23:37.799 --> 00:23:42.000
all of those moments in his entire life where he

472
00:23:42.079 --> 00:23:46.240
had to act as if that person, right, he had

473
00:23:46.279 --> 00:23:47.920
to act as if he was a son Christ, right,

474
00:23:47.920 --> 00:23:50.079
because he was like, hey, I'm the son of Christ.

475
00:23:50.119 --> 00:23:54.680
It's like come on man, Like everybody doubted him. Everybody

476
00:23:54.799 --> 00:23:56.559
was like there's no such thing as son Christ. Like

477
00:23:56.599 --> 00:23:58.240
we have this god over here, there's a different one.

478
00:23:58.240 --> 00:24:00.720
He's better than you. Look at these temples so much money,

479
00:24:00.799 --> 00:24:03.119
like how can you you can'try that you're poor. You

480
00:24:03.279 --> 00:24:05.079
just make a little kind of figurines on the side

481
00:24:05.119 --> 00:24:08.200
of the road like what you're not come on, And

482
00:24:08.240 --> 00:24:10.559
at any point and on that journey, he could have gone, yeah,

483
00:24:10.559 --> 00:24:15.200
you're right, I'm just a carpenter, like pretending, you know.

484
00:24:15.480 --> 00:24:18.519
So over time he had to reinforce his belief. He

485
00:24:18.519 --> 00:24:20.880
had to keep saying it, and there would have been

486
00:24:20.920 --> 00:24:23.200
times and you know, you hear about this. I think

487
00:24:23.200 --> 00:24:25.720
it was a temptation in the desert or something like that, right,

488
00:24:25.799 --> 00:24:27.480
forty days or whatever it is. And I think that's

489
00:24:27.480 --> 00:24:29.680
where Lend comes from, is he was tempted by the

490
00:24:29.680 --> 00:24:32.680
they will like for forty days to kind of renounce

491
00:24:32.720 --> 00:24:34.359
all of this idea, and he's like, now I'm sticking

492
00:24:34.359 --> 00:24:37.359
with it. I'm gonna stay with my story. Now just

493
00:24:37.440 --> 00:24:39.440
that's that's as far as I go into the Bible.

494
00:24:39.480 --> 00:24:41.960
So let's stay with that. But let's think about what people,

495
00:24:42.880 --> 00:24:45.680
what people and their challenges do. So let's say I

496
00:24:45.720 --> 00:24:48.799
set this goal my ambition, and I'll tell you, I'll

497
00:24:48.839 --> 00:24:51.640
tell you my bodybuilding story a little bit. Is I said, right,

498
00:24:51.640 --> 00:24:53.400
I'm going to do this bodybuilding challenge. I'm going to

499
00:24:53.440 --> 00:24:55.720
step on stage and I'm going to kind of, you know,

500
00:24:56.000 --> 00:24:58.480
fake tan myself up and do all these kind of things,

501
00:24:58.519 --> 00:25:01.440
and I'm going to say I'm theodybuilder. And I had

502
00:25:01.440 --> 00:25:03.839
to say I was a bodybuilder long before I stepped

503
00:25:03.839 --> 00:25:06.000
on stage. I think Muhammad Ali has his quote. He said,

504
00:25:06.039 --> 00:25:07.839
I told people I was the greatest long before I

505
00:25:07.839 --> 00:25:10.920
even stepped in the rank. Right, you have to declare

506
00:25:10.960 --> 00:25:15.200
something before it even happens. But up until that point,

507
00:25:15.279 --> 00:25:17.680
you have no reference, you have no proof, you have

508
00:25:17.720 --> 00:25:20.599
no concept, you have no understanding, you don't have the experience,

509
00:25:20.680 --> 00:25:22.960
you haven't got any reason to say that you're that thing.

510
00:25:23.680 --> 00:25:26.440
So I tell people that I'm a bodybuilder, but I've

511
00:25:26.480 --> 00:25:29.559
never experienced bodybuilding, and so in my head there's this moment, No, Dan,

512
00:25:29.640 --> 00:25:31.519
you're not a bodybuilder. You haven't done anything like well,

513
00:25:31.559 --> 00:25:33.359
you keep t having people your body boarder. But I

514
00:25:33.400 --> 00:25:35.559
had to say it. I had to say it because

515
00:25:35.759 --> 00:25:39.559
I had to act as if. And then the way

516
00:25:39.559 --> 00:25:42.599
to overcome that imposter syndrome is just to do it.

517
00:25:42.640 --> 00:25:45.759
Is to have discipline, to show up and to make

518
00:25:45.880 --> 00:25:48.960
choices every single day that allow you to eventually realize

519
00:25:49.000 --> 00:25:51.319
that goal. So I come back to mine, it was

520
00:25:51.759 --> 00:25:54.440
every single day or not every single day. But my

521
00:25:54.599 --> 00:25:57.720
training plan, I would go to the gym every day

522
00:25:57.720 --> 00:26:00.200
and I did this for fourteen months. Every day day

523
00:26:00.640 --> 00:26:02.559
I would weigh the exact amount of food that I

524
00:26:02.559 --> 00:26:05.880
would eat, like literally down to the ground. I'd like

525
00:26:05.920 --> 00:26:08.599
take little tweezers and take one oh out of a

526
00:26:09.599 --> 00:26:12.039
not quite but you know. But for fourteen months, I

527
00:26:12.079 --> 00:26:14.119
weighed every meal. Like I go to dinner with a

528
00:26:14.119 --> 00:26:16.119
family and I say that much, there's that much that

529
00:26:16.240 --> 00:26:19.039
and those kind of things, and nobody could see that.

530
00:26:19.200 --> 00:26:21.680
Nobody sees any of those aspects. And so there's there's

531
00:26:21.720 --> 00:26:25.519
public decisions and then there's private decisions, and that typically

532
00:26:25.519 --> 00:26:27.759
there's more things that go on behind the scenes before

533
00:26:27.799 --> 00:26:32.079
you ever get to that point. And for me, there

534
00:26:32.119 --> 00:26:35.799
was a crossover, like there's a moment in that journey

535
00:26:36.160 --> 00:26:38.960
where something happened that actually filled me with beliefs. I

536
00:26:38.960 --> 00:26:41.640
worked from imposter syndrome to yeah, I can do this.

537
00:26:42.319 --> 00:26:44.279
And it was one of those mornings I can't waken

538
00:26:44.359 --> 00:26:46.480
up and wipe the sleep out of my face. I

539
00:26:46.519 --> 00:26:48.359
trained in the morning before the family wake up right

540
00:26:48.480 --> 00:26:53.920
super early. I go downstairs, do whatever you do in

541
00:26:53.960 --> 00:26:56.240
the morning, and then kind of step on the scales

542
00:26:56.279 --> 00:26:58.759
and weigh yourself and you know, you take off the

543
00:26:58.759 --> 00:27:00.400
clothes because it makes you a little bit light and

544
00:27:00.559 --> 00:27:03.680
like stepping on scales. You're like, am I there? And

545
00:27:03.799 --> 00:27:06.079
as I did that, I looked up and I saw

546
00:27:06.119 --> 00:27:09.359
a face in the mirror that I didn't recognize and

547
00:27:09.720 --> 00:27:13.839
like some chairs and shoulders. I'm like, WHOA, what's that?

548
00:27:13.839 --> 00:27:18.319
That's what I want to look like and I can't

549
00:27:18.359 --> 00:27:21.519
I can't explain it. But it was this weirdness. It's like, oh,

550
00:27:21.559 --> 00:27:24.920
that's me by And from that point I was like,

551
00:27:25.319 --> 00:27:28.599
maybe I can do this, Maybe I am gonna be

552
00:27:28.720 --> 00:27:31.960
this thing. And that was that moment. And I don't know,

553
00:27:32.000 --> 00:27:34.440
I've had it in I've had it with writing, like

554
00:27:34.480 --> 00:27:35.960
I've had it with people like oh God, like you

555
00:27:36.279 --> 00:27:38.440
that's amazing, Like did you chat GPTs? Like no, I

556
00:27:38.440 --> 00:27:40.759
actually type these things out and it actually came more together.

557
00:27:41.799 --> 00:27:44.920
There were moments in everyone's career where something just clicks

558
00:27:45.279 --> 00:27:48.200
and it feels like it's working and all of that

559
00:27:48.279 --> 00:27:52.319
effort up until that point suddenly seems worth it. But

560
00:27:52.920 --> 00:27:56.240
up until that point, all of that effort seems to

561
00:27:56.279 --> 00:27:57.359
be going nowhere.

562
00:27:58.559 --> 00:28:02.440
But when you do it, yeah, as you became all

563
00:28:02.480 --> 00:28:05.720
of a sudden you were doing. And you know, I

564
00:28:05.759 --> 00:28:08.759
love the idea of setting goals, and I wonder sometimes,

565
00:28:08.839 --> 00:28:11.440
I know there's all of us talk about affirmations and

566
00:28:11.480 --> 00:28:15.400
so forth, But the reality is, isn't a goal really

567
00:28:15.440 --> 00:28:18.279
an affirmation if you do it the correct way? You know,

568
00:28:18.559 --> 00:28:22.359
I am a bodybuilder. I am a bodybuilder, and there

569
00:28:22.400 --> 00:28:26.279
has to be that belief that you literally have that capability,

570
00:28:26.319 --> 00:28:29.079
otherwise it never happens. But when you have that belief

571
00:28:29.119 --> 00:28:32.759
and then all of a sudden you become because your

572
00:28:32.799 --> 00:28:36.079
behavior is you're doing what you need to do to

573
00:28:36.200 --> 00:28:39.720
become that very thing that you have affirmed that you are,

574
00:28:40.480 --> 00:28:42.359
all of a sudden, there you are. And isn't that

575
00:28:42.519 --> 00:28:46.960
really the secret for anyone that wants to overcome whatever

576
00:28:47.119 --> 00:28:49.720
is going on in their lives and recognizing that, you

577
00:28:49.759 --> 00:28:52.079
know what, this is not what I want. I want

578
00:28:52.119 --> 00:28:54.319
something different than it takes a little bit of you know,

579
00:28:54.400 --> 00:28:57.119
self awareness and introspection to figure out what that is.

580
00:28:58.240 --> 00:29:01.279
Yes and no is the answer. And the reason I

581
00:29:01.359 --> 00:29:02.720
say that, and I come back to the point from

582
00:29:02.720 --> 00:29:06.759
earlier is who we are today is a result of

583
00:29:06.759 --> 00:29:09.680
all the decisions we've already made. We can't change the

584
00:29:09.720 --> 00:29:12.720
person's day, and I've been looking back and going that

585
00:29:12.799 --> 00:29:14.400
was a good decision, that was a bad half hard

586
00:29:14.400 --> 00:29:16.640
decisions of luck. All right, let's kind of go with that.

587
00:29:16.920 --> 00:29:20.200
So and we are a product of like you said, genetics,

588
00:29:20.279 --> 00:29:24.240
our environment, our social circle. So who I am today

589
00:29:24.680 --> 00:29:27.319
is a result of so many different aspects. But that

590
00:29:27.359 --> 00:29:31.039
doesn't have to be me tomorrow. And so if I'm

591
00:29:31.079 --> 00:29:32.799
in this point now where I'm like, Okay, well I

592
00:29:32.799 --> 00:29:35.799
want to do something different, I'd say I've realized that

593
00:29:35.839 --> 00:29:38.400
there's more for me to experience in life as like

594
00:29:38.599 --> 00:29:41.519
challenge myself, set a goal whatever that is, or I

595
00:29:41.519 --> 00:29:43.440
want to change direction or do something that's more in

596
00:29:43.440 --> 00:29:45.160
line with who I am as an individual, or like

597
00:29:45.200 --> 00:29:47.279
you say, not living someone else's life, but actually I

598
00:29:47.319 --> 00:29:48.880
want to do something that is more aligned with me.

599
00:29:49.920 --> 00:29:53.200
Then from this moment, I can start to act as

600
00:29:53.279 --> 00:29:57.079
if and I can start to be the person that

601
00:29:57.079 --> 00:29:59.920
that person is. And so that's where you're saying, right,

602
00:30:00.039 --> 00:30:04.160
I am this and you're going to have that gap.

603
00:30:04.160 --> 00:30:06.440
There's a disparaity right between the person who you want

604
00:30:06.440 --> 00:30:09.000
to be and the person that you are today and

605
00:30:09.119 --> 00:30:11.240
this person and by you know, this is where the

606
00:30:11.279 --> 00:30:14.319
kind of neurology comes in, is this person is well ingrained,

607
00:30:14.680 --> 00:30:18.599
Like for me to even change my coffee takes a lot,

608
00:30:19.480 --> 00:30:22.359
you know, It's like and that's a tiny little decision.

609
00:30:22.359 --> 00:30:25.000
It's just like that is ridiculous, Like just do something

610
00:30:25.039 --> 00:30:27.319
different when you coffee? Yeah, I know, but I'm attached.

611
00:30:27.359 --> 00:30:30.160
I like it like that. And when we get attached, right,

612
00:30:30.200 --> 00:30:32.799
we have this is called endownment bias. Like the things

613
00:30:32.799 --> 00:30:35.400
that we do we attach ourselves too, and we have

614
00:30:35.440 --> 00:30:37.799
our identity to it. So let go of that identity

615
00:30:38.400 --> 00:30:40.880
is scary for many people because that's certainty, that's comfort,

616
00:30:40.920 --> 00:30:43.359
that's who I am. We have people attached that, we

617
00:30:43.440 --> 00:30:46.720
have relationships to attach that we have meaning, we have memories,

618
00:30:46.759 --> 00:30:48.799
we have all these things. And so for me to

619
00:30:48.880 --> 00:30:53.480
change who I am says fundamentally, I'm not happy, which

620
00:30:53.480 --> 00:30:57.279
is tough. People don't want to say that. And this

621
00:30:57.359 --> 00:31:00.079
is this is this is the battle, because we're as

622
00:31:00.079 --> 00:31:02.240
soon as we do that, we can compare ourselves and say, ah,

623
00:31:02.359 --> 00:31:05.599
but at least we better than Bob. Bob bad Bob

624
00:31:05.640 --> 00:31:07.279
has it? Bob like, oh my god, do you know

625
00:31:07.319 --> 00:31:09.160
what happened to Bob's Like, our life isn't that bad?

626
00:31:09.200 --> 00:31:11.039
Take it easy. It's like okay, and then we take

627
00:31:11.039 --> 00:31:12.519
the pressure off, and now we're not going to change

628
00:31:13.000 --> 00:31:16.240
because we compare ourselves. And so the challenge is to say,

629
00:31:16.440 --> 00:31:19.079
I'm not happy, like I'm not where I am or

630
00:31:19.079 --> 00:31:22.039
where I want to be, but I'm still good like

631
00:31:22.119 --> 00:31:25.000
I can, i can feel grateful and I feel appreciation

632
00:31:25.200 --> 00:31:27.519
for all of the experiences that have come. And so

633
00:31:27.839 --> 00:31:30.400
we're not doing change out of a position of anger

634
00:31:31.000 --> 00:31:34.359
and frustration, because then we do something super crazy, but

635
00:31:34.839 --> 00:31:38.880
it's disparate kind of we fight everything and nothing at

636
00:31:38.880 --> 00:31:42.079
the same time. And so the idea is that we say, okay,

637
00:31:42.079 --> 00:31:44.319
well let's let's go here, let's go in disdirection. And

638
00:31:44.759 --> 00:31:50.160
what does that person have to do act, behave, think, eat, drink, sleep,

639
00:31:50.240 --> 00:31:54.240
all of those things in order to live like that person. No,

640
00:31:54.519 --> 00:31:58.039
we're not that person yet, except for the decisions that

641
00:31:58.079 --> 00:32:02.279
we make today. That's the and so then that's that's discipline.

642
00:32:02.440 --> 00:32:06.400
So showing up every day in the same way, it's sacrifice.

643
00:32:06.759 --> 00:32:09.640
And I don't mean goats and virgins as well. I

644
00:32:09.640 --> 00:32:11.720
want to talk about throwing things into volcanoes and hoping

645
00:32:11.759 --> 00:32:14.759
things get get better, but sacrifice like chess. So I'm

646
00:32:14.759 --> 00:32:17.920
going to sacrifice a porn so that I can get

647
00:32:18.000 --> 00:32:22.160
something else. So strategic sacrifice. We can't have everything. If

648
00:32:22.200 --> 00:32:24.920
we're going to change something, balance has to shift. A

649
00:32:25.000 --> 00:32:27.160
lot of people try and do this and maintain life balance.

650
00:32:27.160 --> 00:32:28.839
It's like it's not gonna happen. You're gonna have to

651
00:32:29.240 --> 00:32:32.799
change something somewhere. And so for me, I sacrifice some food,

652
00:32:33.279 --> 00:32:37.079
Like I can't eat candy chocolate ice cream. I have

653
00:32:37.119 --> 00:32:39.759
a four year old daughter who wants to eat candy

654
00:32:39.799 --> 00:32:43.720
chocolate ice cream. So I'm looking, ah so, but that's

655
00:32:43.720 --> 00:32:46.799
a sacrifice, right, I sacrifice, but it's only for a moment,

656
00:32:46.920 --> 00:32:48.680
a window, and then I can go and do some

657
00:32:48.720 --> 00:32:50.440
of these things and we have fun in different ways

658
00:32:50.480 --> 00:32:53.839
just don't involve food. But I can't have my cake

659
00:32:53.839 --> 00:32:56.920
and eat it. I literally I have to sacrifice. I

660
00:32:56.960 --> 00:32:59.960
have to wake up earlier than most people because that's

661
00:33:00.119 --> 00:33:02.079
the time when my family life allows me to do

662
00:33:02.119 --> 00:33:06.200
these things. So I can't change and keep things the

663
00:33:06.200 --> 00:33:08.920
same at the same time, but I can adopt new

664
00:33:08.920 --> 00:33:12.519
habits and I can change my routines. And You've made

665
00:33:12.799 --> 00:33:14.839
a really interesting point earlier, which is about the people.

666
00:33:15.079 --> 00:33:19.720
So there's a model that's called the theory of plan behavior,

667
00:33:20.759 --> 00:33:23.920
and it's this behavioral change model, and it effectively factors

668
00:33:23.920 --> 00:33:26.359
in three things. That says, if you want to change

669
00:33:26.359 --> 00:33:30.039
your behavior, there are three factors. And those three factors

670
00:33:30.079 --> 00:33:33.079
don't change behavior, they change the intention to have a behavior.

671
00:33:33.559 --> 00:33:36.000
It's crazy, right. So if I want to stop smoking

672
00:33:36.480 --> 00:33:38.079
back in the day, I don't know sort of thing.

673
00:33:38.119 --> 00:33:40.079
But if I want to stop smoking, I have to

674
00:33:40.119 --> 00:33:42.680
have an intention to stop smoking before I stop smoking.

675
00:33:43.359 --> 00:33:46.079
And my intention to stop smoking will be based around

676
00:33:46.119 --> 00:33:49.160
three things. It will be based around my attitudes towards

677
00:33:49.160 --> 00:33:52.200
the behavior. If I still think of smoking as a

678
00:33:52.240 --> 00:33:55.119
social thing, as an engagement, as a relaxation. If I

679
00:33:55.200 --> 00:33:57.359
think that way, my attitude towards the behavior is that

680
00:33:57.559 --> 00:33:59.680
I'm not even going to have an intention to change.

681
00:34:00.000 --> 00:34:02.799
I've got to rewire, I've got to reprogram my thought process.

682
00:34:03.440 --> 00:34:07.680
The second one is what they call societal norms or

683
00:34:07.680 --> 00:34:10.480
like social norms, which is your peer group. So if

684
00:34:10.519 --> 00:34:13.079
I'm surrounded by people who smoke all the time, do

685
00:34:13.119 --> 00:34:16.239
you think I'm going to change my behavior now because

686
00:34:16.239 --> 00:34:18.360
all the people around me are going to do these things?

687
00:34:18.679 --> 00:34:20.800
You know, we hear this thing that you're the average

688
00:34:20.840 --> 00:34:22.960
of the five people you spend most of your time with. Well, yeah,

689
00:34:23.079 --> 00:34:25.559
like that's going to happen. And then there's this one,

690
00:34:25.559 --> 00:34:28.360
which is self belief or self efficacy, which is can

691
00:34:28.400 --> 00:34:31.519
I believe? Do I believe that I can do this?

692
00:34:32.039 --> 00:34:33.760
Do I believe that I can do this? And this

693
00:34:33.800 --> 00:34:36.199
is where a lot of psychology work and kind of

694
00:34:36.199 --> 00:34:39.880
neur linguistic and coaching and stuff really be done is

695
00:34:39.920 --> 00:34:42.559
in this belief pattern. And actually belief has two aspects.

696
00:34:42.599 --> 00:34:45.159
Number one, it impacts the intention but also has a

697
00:34:45.159 --> 00:34:47.960
major impact on taking intention to behavior. Maybe you look

698
00:34:47.960 --> 00:34:50.639
at the models. So this is where self perception and

699
00:34:50.679 --> 00:34:53.760
self efficacy, self belief, all of those things really play apart.

700
00:34:54.039 --> 00:34:56.000
And so if you want to change your behavior, like

701
00:34:56.079 --> 00:34:58.199
this is this thing. So you have to change your attitudes,

702
00:34:58.559 --> 00:35:01.519
which we can do, we can start to differently, we

703
00:35:01.599 --> 00:35:04.320
have to change the people. This is the tough one.

704
00:35:04.360 --> 00:35:07.320
We have to that's a tough one, not necessarily, but

705
00:35:07.440 --> 00:35:09.599
be intentional about who we spend time with. So if

706
00:35:09.639 --> 00:35:11.880
I want to be an athlete, we're going to go

707
00:35:11.920 --> 00:35:13.519
and hang around with people that are fitter than me

708
00:35:13.760 --> 00:35:15.880
or who are going to challenge me to think about

709
00:35:15.920 --> 00:35:18.679
how I do things. Yeah, which is why you know,

710
00:35:18.960 --> 00:35:21.440
I don't necessarily believe in them, but things like weight

711
00:35:21.480 --> 00:35:24.360
watchers groups, is you're surrounding yourself by people who have

712
00:35:24.400 --> 00:35:27.199
a common goal. You're going to stay focused on that goal,

713
00:35:27.199 --> 00:35:29.280
and you're going to act as if not just necessarily

714
00:35:29.280 --> 00:35:30.639
because you want to do it, but also not to

715
00:35:30.719 --> 00:35:33.920
let other people down. So finding a society or a

716
00:35:33.920 --> 00:35:37.519
group or a network or peers that are doing something similar.

717
00:35:37.559 --> 00:35:40.000
So I'm trying to find writers at them knows any

718
00:35:40.039 --> 00:35:41.920
writers in New York? Then you're love to hang out.

719
00:35:43.199 --> 00:35:45.239
But then the other one is this this idea of

720
00:35:45.360 --> 00:35:47.599
self belief, and that is there's a few ways we

721
00:35:47.639 --> 00:35:49.440
can do it. But one of them is just break

722
00:35:49.480 --> 00:35:51.840
your goals down into lots of little pieces that allow

723
00:35:51.880 --> 00:35:55.159
you to feel success on a regular basis. So can

724
00:35:55.199 --> 00:35:58.599
I feel successful today as an author? Yeah? I think

725
00:35:58.639 --> 00:36:00.800
I can. If I can write five hundred words or

726
00:36:00.840 --> 00:36:04.440
a thousand words, I can call myself today an author

727
00:36:04.599 --> 00:36:07.039
like I can comfortably say that I do I have

728
00:36:07.079 --> 00:36:09.079
to sacrifice things? Do I have to give stuff up

729
00:36:09.119 --> 00:36:12.599
to find time to write five hundred words? Maybe I'm

730
00:36:12.639 --> 00:36:14.719
not gonna be able to have my same routine, same things,

731
00:36:14.760 --> 00:36:17.679
So I have to consciously step out of six quo,

732
00:36:18.559 --> 00:36:22.159
do something consciously differently, but then I feel good. And

733
00:36:22.199 --> 00:36:24.280
this is where there's a lot of talk about habits, right,

734
00:36:24.320 --> 00:36:26.760
habits are super important. So if I do something every day,

735
00:36:27.239 --> 00:36:30.639
I'm consistent, then I don't know what the timeline's going

736
00:36:30.679 --> 00:36:32.199
to be like when the next book comes out, I

737
00:36:32.199 --> 00:36:34.760
don't know when that's going to be, but I'll be

738
00:36:34.800 --> 00:36:37.320
an author in that all that time, I'll be an author.

739
00:36:37.559 --> 00:36:39.239
And this is where coming back to your point is

740
00:36:39.360 --> 00:36:43.719
I am because I act that way I wasn't and

741
00:36:43.760 --> 00:36:46.519
I'm okay with that. I've made my peace and except

742
00:36:46.599 --> 00:36:50.719
that that actually has given me very strong foundations to

743
00:36:50.800 --> 00:36:51.920
do what I'm going to do next.

744
00:36:52.280 --> 00:36:54.880
Well, and you you really describe something in my mind

745
00:36:54.920 --> 00:36:57.519
at least that that is talked about a lot, and

746
00:36:57.639 --> 00:37:00.239
I'm not sure how well understood it is. And that's

747
00:37:00.280 --> 00:37:05.599
this concept of mindset. And you talk about mindset mental toughness,

748
00:37:06.119 --> 00:37:09.320
but to me, that's what you're describing is that I'm

749
00:37:09.320 --> 00:37:12.320
going to develop the mindset that I'm not going to

750
00:37:12.360 --> 00:37:14.400
have the ice cream, which yeah, is a tough one,

751
00:37:14.599 --> 00:37:16.239
but I'm not going to have the ice cream. I'm

752
00:37:16.280 --> 00:37:18.559
not going to do that but I am going to

753
00:37:18.599 --> 00:37:20.599
do this. I am going to do that. And as

754
00:37:20.639 --> 00:37:24.360
you say, I love the concept of, you know, writing

755
00:37:24.400 --> 00:37:27.639
the goal and then breaking it down into little steps.

756
00:37:27.679 --> 00:37:30.000
So many people, I think, write a goal and then

757
00:37:30.519 --> 00:37:33.840
they try to achieve that goal without ever breaking it

758
00:37:33.880 --> 00:37:36.440
down into little steps. I know when I was doing

759
00:37:36.480 --> 00:37:39.239
a little bit of consulting with small businesses, it's like,

760
00:37:39.280 --> 00:37:40.920
all right, this is what I want to accomplish.

761
00:37:41.239 --> 00:37:41.400
You know.

762
00:37:41.480 --> 00:37:44.320
Okay, let's go back now. If this is what you

763
00:37:44.360 --> 00:37:47.400
want to accomplish, what would be the step right before

764
00:37:47.440 --> 00:37:50.920
that accomplishment occurred? Well, blah blah blah. Okay, what would

765
00:37:50.960 --> 00:37:53.199
have had to happen right before then? And all of

766
00:37:53.239 --> 00:37:56.039
a sudden, you're going backwards to the point where you

767
00:37:56.079 --> 00:37:58.559
get to the true All right, here's where you start,

768
00:37:59.199 --> 00:38:01.599
and now you all that step little by a little.

769
00:38:01.599 --> 00:38:05.480
And as you say, gratitude makes such a difference. When

770
00:38:05.480 --> 00:38:08.079
we can start to be grateful for those little whims

771
00:38:08.679 --> 00:38:11.239
and for those little things that happen in our lives,

772
00:38:11.840 --> 00:38:15.079
it makes such a difference versus beating ourselves up because

773
00:38:15.119 --> 00:38:17.800
we didn't accomplish what we thought we should accomplish.

774
00:38:18.559 --> 00:38:21.239
Yeah. Well, the thing with golfs This is where I

775
00:38:21.280 --> 00:38:23.119
love them and find them for a certain time. Is

776
00:38:23.360 --> 00:38:25.840
they always have to be timed. Smart goals, right, just

777
00:38:25.880 --> 00:38:29.639
a specific miserble, time bound. And let's say your consulting thing,

778
00:38:29.800 --> 00:38:32.320
I want a ten million dollar exit, Like, that's that's

779
00:38:32.360 --> 00:38:34.559
my thing. We haven't sold one product yet, Bob, you know,

780
00:38:34.599 --> 00:38:36.199
I was always Bob, I don't know what, Dave. Let's

781
00:38:36.239 --> 00:38:38.920
do it. We have sold one product yet, Dave, And

782
00:38:38.960 --> 00:38:40.480
you want a ten million exit. I think that's a

783
00:38:40.519 --> 00:38:42.599
worthwhile thing. But let's break that down. What do we

784
00:38:42.599 --> 00:38:44.800
need to have to have a ten million million evaluation?

785
00:38:45.199 --> 00:38:46.679
How do we do that? Let's get the client, so

786
00:38:46.679 --> 00:38:48.760
then how do we get client number one? But when

787
00:38:48.880 --> 00:38:52.880
it gets client number one, it's like, oh, we're on

788
00:38:52.920 --> 00:38:55.599
the board. Let's go because then one needs to do

789
00:38:55.639 --> 00:38:58.519
and it's so it's the idea of breaking things down.

790
00:38:58.639 --> 00:39:02.840
But yeah, the mental toughness is the idea that we've

791
00:39:02.840 --> 00:39:05.199
got to show up. We've just got to show up.

792
00:39:05.280 --> 00:39:08.000
That's for me. That's half the battle, Like it probably

793
00:39:08.039 --> 00:39:10.840
is more than half the battle, is you know, is

794
00:39:11.239 --> 00:39:14.519
the quote is the success is ninety nine percent perspiration,

795
00:39:14.599 --> 00:39:18.239
one percent inspiration. Something along those lieses great ideas coming

796
00:39:18.239 --> 00:39:20.280
along all the time, but it's are you willing to

797
00:39:20.320 --> 00:39:22.280
work at it? So I could have said I'm going

798
00:39:22.360 --> 00:39:24.719
to be a bodybuilder, but another you know, did two

799
00:39:24.800 --> 00:39:27.199
or three workouts a week and maybe changed from like

800
00:39:27.239 --> 00:39:29.760
you know, milk to skim milk or something like that,

801
00:39:29.760 --> 00:39:31.800
that that's not going to happen. I'm going to go crazy.

802
00:39:31.840 --> 00:39:33.800
I'm going to go And you know, there's this idea

803
00:39:33.880 --> 00:39:36.800
of passion to obsession which a lot of people don't like.

804
00:39:37.320 --> 00:39:40.480
Is it takes obsession to get to the point where

805
00:39:40.960 --> 00:39:43.320
like you're going to be massively successful. Most people look

806
00:39:43.360 --> 00:39:45.079
at it and go, Dan, isn't that a bit weird?

807
00:39:45.199 --> 00:39:47.599
Even my mom right, my mom's over for the birthday

808
00:39:47.639 --> 00:39:51.440
this weekend. She's like, you're gonna have arrest sometime, right, Like,

809
00:39:51.719 --> 00:39:53.960
you know, you can't just push yourself like this all

810
00:39:54.000 --> 00:39:59.840
the time. Why not? Why? Why not? Like you can't

811
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.039
you don't want to, but why can't? I? Like, the

812
00:40:02.960 --> 00:40:05.679
human body is capable of doing some amazing things. And

813
00:40:05.679 --> 00:40:07.880
I've got five weeks till four and a bit weeks

814
00:40:07.960 --> 00:40:11.239
or whatever it is to should check that to get ready,

815
00:40:11.480 --> 00:40:13.639
Like I can rest in four and a half, can

816
00:40:13.679 --> 00:40:16.639
rest the day after the competition. In fact, that ice

817
00:40:16.719 --> 00:40:19.719
cream you're talking about it, I'm preparing it now for

818
00:40:19.880 --> 00:40:23.119
that four weeks one day. I know what I'm going

819
00:40:23.199 --> 00:40:24.639
to eat and where I'm going to eat it, and

820
00:40:24.639 --> 00:40:26.599
i know who I'm going to be with is there.

821
00:40:26.880 --> 00:40:30.079
But for this phase of my life, this goal is

822
00:40:30.119 --> 00:40:34.280
important to me. Nah, I'm okay to sacrifice that. And

823
00:40:34.320 --> 00:40:36.480
this is where kind of the goals come in. So

824
00:40:36.719 --> 00:40:39.199
it's is know what you want, but don't set a

825
00:40:39.199 --> 00:40:42.360
timeline like not always sometimes to put the pressure on.

826
00:40:42.679 --> 00:40:45.239
But for something like a business exit, there's too many

827
00:40:45.280 --> 00:40:49.159
external factors. Just show up today, show up today, do

828
00:40:49.320 --> 00:40:53.159
the thing. Like you're tired. I know we're all tired, right,

829
00:40:53.400 --> 00:40:55.880
there's distractions, You've got a million things that you could

830
00:40:55.880 --> 00:40:58.000
be doing. Don't go and do the thing. It's easy.

831
00:40:58.119 --> 00:41:00.960
Do the thing that you need to do, like face

832
00:41:01.079 --> 00:41:04.559
your challenges, do all these things. And it's that's the mentality.

833
00:41:04.599 --> 00:41:07.880
And this is where athletes, like if come back to

834
00:41:07.920 --> 00:41:10.360
the sport thing, this is where athletes know it. They

835
00:41:10.440 --> 00:41:12.679
know if I trained in the gym today and I

836
00:41:12.800 --> 00:41:15.039
put my heart, soul and I do everything and I

837
00:41:15.079 --> 00:41:18.119
bleed an arm, then tomorrow when I step on the

838
00:41:18.119 --> 00:41:20.239
field and maybe after a couple days rest, I'm going

839
00:41:20.320 --> 00:41:22.320
to be able to do some amazing things. And so

840
00:41:22.760 --> 00:41:25.079
this is this idea, is I invest my time and

841
00:41:25.360 --> 00:41:27.119
invest in the things that I know are going to

842
00:41:27.239 --> 00:41:31.119
lead to the goal, even though in those moments it

843
00:41:31.159 --> 00:41:33.519
doesn't feel like I'm getting anywhere. So if you're a

844
00:41:33.559 --> 00:41:37.840
business owner, prospect, make the cold calls, nothing is going

845
00:41:37.920 --> 00:41:40.880
to happen. Nothing is going to happen for making one

846
00:41:40.920 --> 00:41:44.440
cold call, sending one email. But in six months time,

847
00:41:44.480 --> 00:41:46.159
someone's going to send you a message, Hey are you

848
00:41:46.199 --> 00:41:49.360
still doing that thing? Because I need some help now. Oh.

849
00:41:49.599 --> 00:41:51.960
So this is where momentum comes in. So all of

850
00:41:51.960 --> 00:41:56.000
those things like I have cut my calories by two

851
00:41:56.039 --> 00:41:58.400
three hundred to day, nothing is going to happen on scale.

852
00:41:59.159 --> 00:42:01.480
Nothing I walk down the steps and said of taking

853
00:42:01.480 --> 00:42:05.559
me outovates and nothing is happening today. But in six months,

854
00:42:05.840 --> 00:42:08.119
all of those activities at up and I'm like, hope,

855
00:42:08.239 --> 00:42:11.039
how did I get here? How did I get well?

856
00:42:11.079 --> 00:42:14.639
And isn't it interesting you take that focus and then

857
00:42:14.760 --> 00:42:17.639
imagine you take exactly what you're talking about from a

858
00:42:17.679 --> 00:42:20.519
business perspective, and all of us and achieving goals or

859
00:42:20.559 --> 00:42:23.559
whether it's you know, weightlifting or whatever that happens to

860
00:42:23.599 --> 00:42:28.320
be bodybuilding. And now let's put that very same methodology

861
00:42:28.960 --> 00:42:35.119
into personal development and overcoming that life that you don't

862
00:42:35.159 --> 00:42:39.039
want to have. You're not happy, you know, I talk

863
00:42:39.119 --> 00:42:41.199
to people about, you know, look at what you are

864
00:42:41.280 --> 00:42:43.760
right now? Is this what you want? And if it's not,

865
00:42:44.480 --> 00:42:47.199
how do you change? And as you say, you know

866
00:42:47.840 --> 00:42:51.079
where for you it's diet and exercise and training and

867
00:42:51.159 --> 00:42:54.119
all of that. It's the very same thing for people

868
00:42:54.440 --> 00:42:59.400
who need to then diet away from certain behaviors and

869
00:42:59.440 --> 00:43:01.800
they need to start to make those changes. And if

870
00:43:01.800 --> 00:43:04.800
they spend the same effort that you make, and you're

871
00:43:04.840 --> 00:43:08.199
talking about here, all of a sudden, they're going to

872
00:43:08.280 --> 00:43:12.760
experience an entirely different life. And as you say, it

873
00:43:12.800 --> 00:43:14.960
has to go step by step, and it may take months,

874
00:43:15.000 --> 00:43:17.239
it may take a few years, whatever that happens to be.

875
00:43:17.679 --> 00:43:20.159
But as long as that goal is still in your

876
00:43:20.199 --> 00:43:24.400
mind and you have that mindset and that mental toughness

877
00:43:24.440 --> 00:43:28.280
to accomplish it, there you are. So as we close,

878
00:43:28.320 --> 00:43:30.679
and I always hate the fact that time just goes

879
00:43:30.719 --> 00:43:34.320
by so fast, But if you could share just a

880
00:43:34.360 --> 00:43:38.480
brief message with the folks, what would that be.

881
00:43:40.880 --> 00:43:43.000
I think the message would be this it We all

882
00:43:43.000 --> 00:43:45.639
get stuck from time to time. We get stuck in

883
00:43:46.239 --> 00:43:51.000
patterns of decision of circle, feeling like we're on the treadmill.

884
00:43:51.599 --> 00:43:56.679
It's not awful, right, We're programmed. Our psychology, the decision science, genetics,

885
00:43:56.719 --> 00:43:59.559
all of these things are programmed to keep us in place.

886
00:44:00.000 --> 00:44:03.039
It's not your fault, but it is your responsibility. Like,

887
00:44:03.119 --> 00:44:05.960
if you want to change your life, if you really

888
00:44:06.039 --> 00:44:07.679
want to have something that you know, you kind of

889
00:44:07.679 --> 00:44:10.679
look back and you're super proud of, then it's not

890
00:44:10.719 --> 00:44:12.800
going to happen by default. You've got to go and

891
00:44:12.840 --> 00:44:15.280
do something. You've got to get outside that comfort zone.

892
00:44:15.320 --> 00:44:17.000
And there's kind of three elements. There's number one is

893
00:44:17.079 --> 00:44:19.639
raise your expectations. Think more of yourself. You are capable

894
00:44:19.639 --> 00:44:22.599
of more even though you date yourself. The second one

895
00:44:22.639 --> 00:44:24.599
is as soon as you set a goal, you're going

896
00:44:24.679 --> 00:44:27.360
to date yourself even more because you haven't been that

897
00:44:27.360 --> 00:44:29.480
person up until now. But that doesn't mean you can't

898
00:44:29.519 --> 00:44:32.679
be that person today and every day moving forwards. And

899
00:44:32.719 --> 00:44:35.599
then the third part is you've got to work. I

900
00:44:35.679 --> 00:44:38.119
know sorry about that. This is the disappointment is that

901
00:44:38.280 --> 00:44:40.239
we can't have our cake and eat it. We can't

902
00:44:40.280 --> 00:44:43.960
have work life balance, not during the come up. All right,

903
00:44:44.000 --> 00:44:46.920
we have to sacrifice, but be smart, give something up

904
00:44:46.920 --> 00:44:50.039
to get something. And if you have that mentality over

905
00:44:50.079 --> 00:44:52.079
a period of time, and you keep showing up and

906
00:44:52.119 --> 00:44:54.360
you're disciplined and you're consistent and you put in the work,

907
00:44:55.679 --> 00:44:57.400
you're going to be somewhere and there's going to be

908
00:44:57.440 --> 00:44:59.599
a lot closer to the person you're pride of than

909
00:44:59.639 --> 00:45:00.360
where you started.

910
00:45:00.960 --> 00:45:02.679
I love it, Dan, Thanks so much so. This has

911
00:45:02.719 --> 00:45:06.480
been a wonderful conversation. I really appreciate your insights. This

912
00:45:06.519 --> 00:45:08.320
is great. Thank you for being on the show.

913
00:45:08.840 --> 00:45:10.440
Thank you. It's taking me a while to get here,

914
00:45:10.480 --> 00:45:13.039
but I hope the journey of me trying to figure

915
00:45:13.039 --> 00:45:14.400
stuff acts help some people today.

916
00:45:14.760 --> 00:45:16.679
How can people find your books and how can they

917
00:45:16.679 --> 00:45:17.079
find you?

918
00:45:18.079 --> 00:45:20.960
So people can find me on danstory dot com. That's

919
00:45:21.000 --> 00:45:23.400
the website, and my books are all on Amazon. So

920
00:45:23.440 --> 00:45:24.960
if you look for Dan Story or look for the

921
00:45:25.000 --> 00:45:28.519
Personal Transformation Blueprint, you'll find that. I also have a podcast,

922
00:45:28.519 --> 00:45:30.679
which is the Personal Transformation Podcast, where I get to

923
00:45:30.679 --> 00:45:33.440
have these conversations with other people who when I look

924
00:45:33.480 --> 00:45:37.159
at those three aspects of changing expectation, dealing with imposter syndrome,

925
00:45:37.199 --> 00:45:39.599
and sacrifice and putting the work in. I want to

926
00:45:39.639 --> 00:45:42.480
explore those a little bit more as well. And then,

927
00:45:42.519 --> 00:45:44.760
just as a little teaser for listeners, the next book

928
00:45:44.800 --> 00:45:47.440
is going to be literally Unstuck. It's about how do

929
00:45:47.480 --> 00:45:50.559
we how do we understand our psychology, you know, wiring,

930
00:45:51.280 --> 00:45:53.159
so that like I said, it's not our fault, but

931
00:45:53.239 --> 00:45:55.679
it is our responsibility. So that's coming out soon and

932
00:45:55.719 --> 00:45:58.320
that again will be my journey as an author to

933
00:45:58.400 --> 00:45:59.960
bring that out. Wonderful.

934
00:46:00.440 --> 00:46:03.079
Thanks so much, Dan, I really appreciate it, and folks,

935
00:46:03.079 --> 00:46:05.159
thanks for listening. I hope this has made a difference

936
00:46:05.199 --> 00:46:07.480
for you and we look forward to having you join

937
00:46:07.559 --> 00:46:08.280
us again soon.

938
00:46:08.559 --> 00:46:11.000
This is doctor Doug saying, no Mista