Mobilize Those Emotions to Spring Forward as a Hero in Your Own Life

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This program is designed to provide general
information with regards to the subject matters covered.

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This information is given with the understanding
that neither the host, guests,

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sponsors, or station are engaged in
rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,

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legal counseling, professional service, or
any advice. You should seek the

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services of competent professionals before applying or
trying any suggested ideas. You know,

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mental health, suicide, These are
issues that are hitting us all of the

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time. And I've been very fortunate
to me a lady that is really taking

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this to heart. She's experienced it
in her own family, and she's doing

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some amazing things. She's actually started
a nonprofit called the Hope Hero Foundation.

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She's developed workbooks for parents and for
teachers to work with children. Just an

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amazing thing that she's doing, and
she has tremendous insights into what's actually going

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on with our kids and how do
we help them to have healthier lives and

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definitely how do we help prevent suicide. Please join us. I think you'll

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have a great time. At the
end of the day, it's not about

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what you have or even what you've
accomplished, It's about what you've done with

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those accomplishments. It's about who you've
lifted up, who you've made better,

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It's about what you've given back.
Denzel Washington, Welcome to Inspire Vision.

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Our sole purpose is to elevate the
lives of others and to inspire you to

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do the same. Alicia, how
are you doing. I'm doing a great.

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How are you doing, Doug Hey, I'm doing great. It's so

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great to have you on the show. There's so much stuff that we can

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talk about here today, which I
think it's going to be fantastic. I'm

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excited to be here. Yeah.
So tell the audience a little bit about

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the story. How did you become
involved. Well, let's get your history

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first, because you have a unique
history, and you can tie in how

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you got involved in the mental health
issues. Yeah. So in two thousand

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and eight, I started teaching.
I taught middle school, mainly seventh and

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ninth grade English, and I did
that for fourteen years. So just this

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is my very first year not being
in the classroom. I left the classroom

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last year at the end of last
year. So tying into the mental health

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things, it goes back before I
became a teacher, I was always curious

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with psychology. My degree is in
psychology. I ended up teaching English.

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But what I loved is that I
was able to do Romeo and Juliet and

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where two teenagers take their lives.
We brought in the mental health, communication

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and relationships as well as mythology with
the heroes, journey of overcoming things,

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building resilience and strength with any trials
that you have. And I loved those

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aspects of it. But really where
I got involved with the mental health more

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and suicide prevention is when my seven
year old son, and he may have

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been between seven and eight years old, that he wanted to take his life.

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We knew he struggled, We knew
he had some anger issues, he

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had some outbursts, would get very
upset with things, would run away from

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home, tell us how much he
hates us, holes in the walls,

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all of these things. And that
wasn't how we raised him, right there

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was We loved on him. There
were so many things that we did for

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our son, but it there came
a point where one day I was sitting

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with him in the kitchen and he
pulled out a knife and said he was

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going to kill himself. And I
don't exactly remember what I did in those

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moments. Somehow I was able to
handle it calmly, and I just sent

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him back up to his room,
and then I called my mom, who

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is a counselor. She did a
lot of crisis counseling. She did that

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in the schools and was on teams
for suicide prevention with that. Now,

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that was my first kind of running
experiencing things myself with my son. And

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that changes you and changes your perspective
on parenting, on life, on what

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you're doing, and how you're going
to move forward from that. Well,

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and you know what's interesting is I've
been doing a little bit of research and

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you know, here you are,
quote and I believe you are a normal

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family, okay, and all of
a sudden you're experiencing this. And the

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research that I did, I thought, you know what, I want to

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find out because we're having so many
problems in suicide with what we would suggest

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are really normal families, their health
and families, parents want to be good

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and so on and so forth.
And the studies showed that the two major

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issues that they found, okay,
because there are a lot of others,

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but the ones that they found had
to do with communication and expectations. And

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when I read that, I approached
my daughter, you know, and said,

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okay, sweet, did you get
a lot of expectations? I mean,

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you know, I tried to be
a good dad, But is that

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what happened? She says, well, yeah, yeah, we got we

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got some expectations. And what I
realized was that each individual has their own

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perception. So when we say things, when we do things that we think

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are just really going to help that
child to grow and be the best they

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can, oftentimes we don't realize that
their perception is something entirely different. Yeah.

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Yeah, well, and I love
that that research actually backs up what

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we ended up doing moving forward was
really building that communication and that connection with

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our son. And what I would
tell any family, and I will recommend

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this work for from here on out, is the five love Languages of children,

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Because lots of times we're trying as
parents to help our kids feel love,

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to feel seeing, to feel valued
and understood. But if we're not

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speaking to them in a language,
in words, in communication that they understand

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and they perceive what we're trying to
do as love, then it's not we're

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missing the mark. And so really
understanding how your child is loved and doing

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that talking to them about those expectations. Let me kind of go through a

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little bit about where that boy is
now. Okay, yeah, yes,

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because this has a great story.
So I ended up coming home from the

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classroom to to honestly save my son's
life. So I came home. What

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we did is the Five Love Languages
of Children. Gary Chapman's work incredible.

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Both my husband and I were one
on board with this, and his was

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physical touch. So we made sure
that every single night that we tickled that

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boy's back. Now there was a
lot of pushback with this, all right,

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that we tucked him in nature,
he had hugs, made sure he

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you know, had the backscratches,
the tickles with that. When I'm driving

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him to school, have my arm
over on his you know, on his

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shoulder, rub his head, different
things. It took I would say,

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almost two years honestly before I thought
is this working? Is this even working?

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And where we are now with it
is that? Absolutely yes. I

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think so many Chinese parents want things
to happen overnight. That's not the reality.

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If something happens overnight, it's the
realistic thing is that it may disappear

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again overnight. So we work on
building those relationships, those connections, that

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communication with it. This boy is
now graduating from high school this week and

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he is going to be a football
kicker out in California. He's moving out

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of state. So right, going
from this boy who wanted to take his

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life to this boy who is now
going to go live and pursue his dream

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because we believe in him. He
knows he's loved, and he now believes

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in himself that he can overcome those
challenges, those negative thoughts, those negative

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beliefs, And it came from us
believing in him and him building what's called

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self efficacy, which is the belief
in himself that he can achieve and that

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he can do what he puts his
mind to, you know. And I

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think what's interesting is you talk about
the fact that it really takes time.

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It can't happen overnight. And I
think that's so true because you know what

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you did, which to me is
just fascinating, is you went in rather

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than saying, all right, we
need to medicate the kid and so on

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and so forth, you went in
to find the cause of what was going

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on. And the five love languages
is you know, I've not really heard

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of the one for children, but
I think that's great, and there are

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so many other tools out there to
help us to really understand who our children

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are, what are they thinking,
why are they thinking the way that they

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think, or why are they talking
the way that they talk, And to

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be able to understand that and to
be able to help them with that is

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just amazing. Well, thank you, and it's you know, I had

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the background in psychology. I was
raised by parents who really communicated with us,

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who encouraged us to find the solutions
to problems instead of covering up things.

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We did need to get the medical
help as well, so we did

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see a psychiatrist. He was on
some medication with things. I don't believe

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that medication is the cure, all
right. It may help to cover something

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or to give you that little bit
of a bridge or a band aid with

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something until you figure out how to
how to transform and help understanding that root

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cause. So yes, like there's
a time and a need for everything,

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and with what you do with personality, that definitely plays into a lot of

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how you're able to work with kids
in different situations. And I think I

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think that's important for the audience to
understand right now that we're talking about a

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very not small, an important part
of a pie. But it's just one

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slice of a pie, because there
are so many other reasons why, in

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issues why that need to be addressed. For instance, I just discovered a

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while ago that concussions can literally change
the brain chemistry and can lead to suicidal

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thoughts or to suicide. And now
there are people out there that have the

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ability to work with that and to
change back those brain situations after their concussion

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to where they get to be healthy
again. From that perspective, yes,

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well, And the interesting thing is
is this boy of ours who's going off

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to play college. He played soccer
and he wanted he convinced me to let

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him play football, all right,
but and he wanted to be a linebacker.

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And I had said no, no, no, like you're going to

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get a concussion. And sure enough, that first season he got a severe

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concussion and he missed a month and
a half of school. And then again

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about less than a year later,
playing soccer, he received another severe concussion

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and missed another month of school.
And so our compromise to him was,

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but you can be the kicker,
and it's taken that time. But we've

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really seen the effects of concussions on
the brain and the connection and really rebuilding

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that. And I myself, I
was a college athlete playing soccer. I

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had a severe concussion in college,
and then back in twenty sixteen, I

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had a severe one where I actually
missed two and a half months of teaching

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to understand that, yes, the
concussions thege challenge, and they they really

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impact your mental health and your ability
to kind of figure things out. But

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it's I think that's one of those
things that has helped me as well,

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to uncover some of this mental health
work that we've been doing well. And

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I think, you know, we
just don't realize. I mean, for

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me, I've had two nephews different
different fathers, but two nephews that have

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committed suicide in the past, and
I think this touches so many lives that

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don't even expect it. Now,
about you, you had some other family

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members that were struggling to didn't you, Yes, I did so. In

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twenty sixteen, my sister in law
overdosed and she was she was a second

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mom to my kids. We joked
that we had joint custody with our kids,

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going back and forth over the weekend. We knew she was struggling,

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we just didn't know how bad.
We didn't see the signs of really how

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bad the struggle was until after.
That was a huge, huge moment in

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my life. When you're shattered like
that, you reanalyze, you rethink and

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figure out what is the meaning of
life, what is my purpose here?

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And how am I going to impact
people from this point on? Because you

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will never be that person you were
before that tragedy, before that trauma.

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A lot of people choose to let
situations affect them two different ways. One

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is that they stay victim to that
situation, to that circumstance, and they

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blame that situation on who they are
now and who they get to be in

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the future. I didn't want that
to define me in that way. I

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wanted my loss, my tragedy,
to turn into a way that I could

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empower and help other kids and other
families. And so after losing her,

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that's really when I shifted the strategies
I used in the classroom that I made

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the mental health needs of those kids
first above all academic needs. How did

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you do that? How did you
do that? How did I do that?

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I focused on the connection the very
first thing. So every single day,

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every single kid, I gave them
a high five as they entered the

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door, or fist bumps and whether
some of the kids would like duck and

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try and get out of the way
to avoid me. But do you know

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what, they looked me in the
eye and they smiled because every time they

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came in, I knew that I
made a positive impact on their life.

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Before I had to maybe correct them
on their essay on whatever it is that

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we're working on. We built that
relationship of trust that I loved them.

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I saw them because a high five
and I think it is it might be

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mel Robbins who does like the high
five effects, but a high five symbolizes

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that you're awesome. I see you, good job, right, So if

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they're getting a good job, I'm
so proud that you're here. Before they

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even walk in the doors, I've
shifted the entire frequency and the feeling in

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the classroom before we've even talked about
curriculum. Wow, and did you find

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you you know, I mean,
in today's politics and everything else, did

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you find you got a little bit
of pushback from either parents or administrators on

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that? No? Other teachers,
Yes, who weren't doing or who didn't

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feel that they could do it.
And one of the things I would tell

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to teachers now in the classroom,
because so many teachers stand at the door

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with their arms crossed right. When
you're crossed off, that body language means

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you're not welcome. Okay, I'm
closed off. I'm not I'm not willing

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to build that relationship. But when
you built that connection in that relationship,

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first, those kids are on your
team and they know I'm on their team.

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And the administrators wanted other teachers to
do what I was doing. Were

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there any specific results that really they
could say that, wow, this is

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really working. Yes, So my
last six years of teaching and five years

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we did testing because you know,
we had the pandemic year where nobody did

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testing. Those last six years that
we did testing, my students scored the

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highest in the dish strict on end
of level tests at two different schools,

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two different schools. So what are
the statistics here? Because you know what's

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interesting is you have found a solution, okay as a teacher to be able

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to help in that, and yet
we're seeing still a lot of suicides and

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as you say, there's a lot
of teachers that don't want to move into

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that direction. But we really have
a crisis here in mental health here in

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Utah. Can you share some of
the stats on that if you have them.

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Yes, So, suicide is the
number one cause of death for ages

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ten, aged ten to twenty four
here in Utah. On average, there

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are eleven to thirteen deaths a day
by suicide in Utah. We're this year,

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we're ranked fourteen, which a lot
of people are celebrating, saying,

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do you know what, We're not
in the top ten anymore, which I

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agree is great. But I actually
dove into the numbers a little bit and

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really the shifts in how many died
by suicide from last year. I believe

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it's like eight, so eight fewer
deaths. Other states are struggling more than

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we are right now. We're still
struggling at about the same rate. It's

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just others are struggling more than we
are well with suicide. And yet one

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of the studies, and you probably
have an updated study on this, but

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the last study that I looked at, Utah ranks number one in mental health

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issues in the US. Is that
have you found the same thing? Yes,

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we are right up there at the
top with mental health issues as well

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as with opioid usage and depression anxiety
medications. So that right there, with

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those statistics tells us that we need
to make a change. We cannot contin

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hinue to do what we've always been
doing. The world changed. It opened

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our eyes that hey, the band
aids we've been putting on are not working.

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We're in crisis. And if we
want to shift this, we've got

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to do something different. And so
let's focus on Utah for a minute.

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But I want to make this more
universal. And I think that as we

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talk and as the folks are listening
and understanding that, you know, whatever

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we're talking about Utah and some of
these issues, it's universal and there are

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universal issues that are going on with
that. So here's my question for you,

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and you may or may not have
an answer to this. Why why

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do we see such a high rate
of mental health issues in Utah. There's

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a few different reasons, all right, and one of which is the altitude.

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Okay, we see it across the
Western board that the altitude does have

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something to do with the mental health. Okay, I don't know all of

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those things with it, but I
do believe it goes back to the communication

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and the expectations that you talked about
before. So if we can shift the

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way in which we communicate and understand
the expectations of where we're really at,

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what we are wanting our kids to
do and achieve, and loving no matter

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whether they hit those marks or not, we are going to change things.

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A lot of kids, when they
would talk to me and come up to

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me, they would say, I'm
afraid to talk to my parents. They

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won't understand. They tell me to
get over it. They get mad at

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me for saying I'm struggling. We
are raising kids in a different generation,

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a different age than how we grew
up. These kids are exposed to the

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cell phones. Okay, this is
another thing that comes in. They're exposed

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to information that is coming in through
their brains quicker than they have the cognitive

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ability to process it and what it
means. They're not sure what's right,

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what's wrong, what's real, what
to believe with any of it? And

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then not having the communication and safe
crucial conversations is another book that I talk

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about quite a bit. But having
that safety to communicate without judgment is a

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big thing too well, And you
bring up you know, the fact that

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they're afraid to talk to their parents. Let's give parents kudos for doing the

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best that they can, but let's
also understand, and I think this becomes

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a real issue. Most of us
are not aware of what's really going on

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with their children. And as you
say, the only way for that to

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happen is to become aware of what
their values are. How do they want

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to be communicated with? You know, from what you're telling me, they're

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feeling criticized from their parents. Therefore
they don't want to go talk to them.

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How can we help parents to literally
understand that, you know what,

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the way that you're communicating is not
the way that your child wants to be

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communicated with. Well, and I
will go back to the love languages.

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That is a great starting place.
I do have my book Become the Hero

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of your Own Story. It gives
positive, positive statements, quotes, and

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conversation starters that are not so direct. You know, if you know your

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child is struggling, you do need
to be direct and asks that ask them

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have you thought about taking your life? You need to ask those questions that

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A lot of the myths are that
if you ask it, that means that

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they're going to do it. Okay, if they've been thinking about doing it,

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it's already been on their mind anyway, you are not going to plant

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that seed in their head. And
so really building that communication little by little.

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One of the things that I talk
to my clients, my group clients,

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my personal clients with is doing what
I call a walk and talk.

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Okay, So this is so that
when you're in conversation. Lots of times

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it's hard to just look at someone, especially when it's a difficult thing that

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you're going to talk about, or
you have concerns or worries. So when

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you're walking by someone, you're out
there, you're moving your body, you're

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resetting those neural pathways, and you
have the ability to be breathing without it

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feeling so intense of a conversation,
so you get that movement along with it.

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That is where I would start with
some of those things. I have

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tools. There are so many other
tools to build the communication. Hey,

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and again, it's going to take
time. It's not a one and done.

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Let's do this big thing for my
kids so they know that they're loved

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and seen. It's got to be
a day to day interaction. It might

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be sending a text message to your
child, leaving a sticky note, making

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sure that you are letting them know
that you love them every single day,

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not for doing X, Y and
Z, but for being for existing,

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for just being part of your family. Because lots of times the kids are

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feeling that it's an expectation or they
have to do something in order to receive

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love, a conditional love. And
what we've got to shift it with our

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parenting is that it's unconditional. So
how do you help the parents to do

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that? Because you know, I
think, I mean, is it worth

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while for parents number one to become
aware that you know what okay, you

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know whatever we think we're doing.
And this is even for all of us,

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you know what we think we were
doing? Is it necessarily the perception

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of what our children were experiencing?
And how often are parents brave enough,

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particularly if they're really involved in a
situation. So for how braver parents to

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be able to go to their child
and say, am I creating expectations for

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you that are really you're finding difficult? I think that's the big thing is

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we've got to be brave, to
be vulnerable to let our kids know that

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we don't know it all. I
haven't lived to day with you yet.

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I don't know what's coming up to
date in your life and my life with

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things. I definitely think being open
with your kids, Okay, it doesn't

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mean that you're going to tell all
of everything. Being vulnerable. Vulnerability is

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letting them know that you've had things
happened too. All Right. It may

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not be the same thing. We
don't have those same situations happen, but

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we have all experienced some of those
same emotions. And I think that when

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when our children they experience that vulnerability
from us, doesn't that allow them ultimately

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to gain the confidence to be vulnerable
with us. It does because it feels

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safe. You want it to be
safe, instead of because a lot I

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see this with some parents, okay, where it's they want to let their

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kids think that they're perfect. They
know how to do this parenting thing and

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they have it all figured out,
so the kids come to them for all

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the answers and the solution. I
want to shift that a little bit,

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being on the team with your kid. If you mess up, you say

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something, Hey, I'm sorry for
how that worked out, how I said

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this. Can you forgive me what
I wish I would have done was this?

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Would that have worked better? Or
how do you think it would have

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worked better if I handled this differently? How do you think I should have

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handled this? What would have helped? You? Feel supported? And I

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use the words supported quite a bit. Instead of help, how can I

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help you? I use how can
I support you? Because at the end

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of the day, our kids need, we need to empower them that they're

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going to be able to work through
some of these situations on their own,

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because as a parent, we're not
always there with them. Most of the

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time, we're not there with them, like at school, when they're involved

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at sports, when they're out with
their friends on the evenings and on the

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weekends, we're not there. So
what we want to do is to be

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able to empower them to work through
the conversations and communications, find some creativity

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in solving those problems, and then
having the courage to ask for help when

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it's needed. A lot are not
willing to do that, and the same

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goes for the parents having that courage
to say, hey, I don't know

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exactly how to do this, and
guess what, it's okay for the parents

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listening, it is okay not to
know because We didn't prepare for all of

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these things. You know, we
didn't know all of this was going to

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happen or that our kids would be
exposed to so much of this. But

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what we can do is just acknowledge
and be aware of Kay, where am

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I at, where are my kids
at? And what do I want to

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happen if we keep going down this
direction? What is it going to look

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like? And is that what I
want my relationship with my child to be

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like? Well, and you know, it's really interes One thing that you

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said that really struck me was,
you know, we cannot live a day

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in their life, and that goes
back to this concept of perception. What

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they're perceiving in their lives. We
have no clue as parents unless we communicate

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with them. But one of the
other things that you said that really hit

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me too is a lot of times, if our children are starting to share

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their thoughts and feelings with us,
guess what, many times it goes against

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what we personally believe as our values
and so forth, And all of a

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sudden, here's this judgment that they're
going to immediately sense. How do we

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help parents to understand that? As
you're talking to your child, don't judge.

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I'm going to go back to Stephen
Covey where he says, seek first

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to understand, then to be understood. So I'm going to say that again,

358
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seek first to understand, then to
be understood. If we go in

359
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and we're looking at trying to tell
our kids how to do X, Y

360
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and Z, that makes them shut
down. And another thing that I wanted

361
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to bring into this, I can't
remember who I was talking with who told

362
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me this, but they asked,
maybe it was you, Doug, Maybe

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let's find out. But you said, are you wanting me to respond or

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are you wanting me to listen?
Was that you? That was me?

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And in fact, funny, I
was talking to my daughter and all that

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we were texting. We were not
talking, we were texting, and she

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I was saying something to her about
something that I'm wanted to do in my

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personal life, and oh boy,
I got a text back and I just

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text back said thanks for the judgment. Right. So we spoke last night

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and I said hey, and she
said, you know what when you said

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that, that really offended me.
And I'm going, well, bottom line

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is a text doesn't really share the
emotions and the thought process that you really

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have. That's why we're talking,
that's why we're communicating. But they learned

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a long time ago because my personality
is such that I can be fairly willing

375
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to offer my opinion whenever anything happens. And I learned over a period of

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time, through some self introspection and
some help from some coaches, that I

377
00:32:28.599 --> 00:32:31.680
had to get to that point where
I'm going, Hey, do you want

378
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me to listen or do you want
me to offer my opinion? And there

379
00:32:36.200 --> 00:32:38.400
have been times I was speaking to
a friend just the other day and I

380
00:32:38.440 --> 00:32:42.319
said that I thought, you know, i'd better say this, and the

381
00:32:42.440 --> 00:32:45.359
response was, I just want you
to listen. And I'm going, oh

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00:32:45.440 --> 00:32:49.880
wow, because I was so ready
to give my opinion. Yes. Well,

383
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and since we spoke, I mean, and we've only known each other,

384
00:32:52.400 --> 00:32:57.759
what less than a month, right, but we've had multiple conversations.

385
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And that's one of the things that
stuck out to me, and I think

386
00:33:00.440 --> 00:33:07.319
that is so important for parents and
even in any relationship that you have,

387
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whether it's parenting, whether it's with
your spouse, friends, any of those

388
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things, and even coworkers as well. Are you wanting me just to listen

389
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to listen and be here or are
you wanting me to listen to respond?

390
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And those are going to be things
that will shift the entire relationship. And

391
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if you practice that over time,
that direction that you're wanting to go with

392
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that connection and communication is drastically going
to improve. You know. And as

393
00:33:42.599 --> 00:33:45.799
interesting as you mentioned, I love
personalities and I love the profile and behavioral

394
00:33:46.160 --> 00:33:52.039
analysis that I do. And one
of the interesting things is that I fall

395
00:33:52.200 --> 00:33:59.200
in that category of my greatest fear
is criticism. For others, the greatest

396
00:33:59.200 --> 00:34:04.039
fear is without family relationships. For
others, it's not being successful, or

397
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for others, not having friends.
So if we don't understand the personality of

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our children, we're never going to
understand how we can communicate. The other

399
00:34:14.400 --> 00:34:17.039
thing that struck me as you were
talking about how kids are on the phone

400
00:34:17.039 --> 00:34:22.159
and so on and so forth,
I started listening to TikTok because I had

401
00:34:22.199 --> 00:34:24.880
some friends that were trying to build
their business that way, and I thought,

402
00:34:24.920 --> 00:34:28.159
Okay, that'll be interesting. I
want to see if that works.

403
00:34:28.199 --> 00:34:31.199
I know everyone's going on to Instagram, but TikTok, Well, as I

404
00:34:31.239 --> 00:34:37.280
started watching it, it got to
be amusing because as I listened to people

405
00:34:37.480 --> 00:34:40.800
talk and this is my personality is
like, Okay, this is what you

406
00:34:40.800 --> 00:34:45.199
said, I'm going to go research
it. I can't tell you how many

407
00:34:45.320 --> 00:34:52.119
falsehoods are being perpetrated in social media, whether it's TikTok, whether it happens

408
00:34:52.119 --> 00:34:55.440
to be Instagram or Facebook. These
kids are getting information that they tend to

409
00:34:55.480 --> 00:35:01.239
believe when the reality is is that
it's not true. Yeah. Yeah,

410
00:35:01.280 --> 00:35:08.039
well, and that's where that misinformation
and then being funneled so much at I

411
00:35:08.079 --> 00:35:13.519
mean at a rapid rate that they
can't process it and they're not going to

412
00:35:13.639 --> 00:35:17.039
do what you did and go research
it to see if it actually is true

413
00:35:17.159 --> 00:35:20.920
or not. They're just going to
say, I heard this, it must

414
00:35:20.920 --> 00:35:23.719
be true. Right. Well,
yeah, yeah, it's amazing. I

415
00:35:23.800 --> 00:35:28.679
have another question for you, and
this is something that you've just kind of

416
00:35:29.239 --> 00:35:34.920
mentioned in passing the gap and current
mental health infrastructure. Can you share a

417
00:35:34.960 --> 00:35:39.719
little bit with what you mean by
that. Yes, So some are going

418
00:35:39.760 --> 00:35:44.599
to agree with me, some will
not, All right, but I've been

419
00:35:44.599 --> 00:35:50.480
doing I'm nationally certified in suicide prevention
and I've been doing work in that for

420
00:35:50.519 --> 00:35:55.920
the last seven years. Okay,
in schools outside of schools with different programs

421
00:35:55.960 --> 00:36:00.760
that I've been doing and coaching,
and what I've realized when I go to

422
00:36:00.800 --> 00:36:07.920
those events, you know the walks, the people who are there are those

423
00:36:07.960 --> 00:36:13.239
who have lost someone to suicide or
mental health like I have. They're already

424
00:36:13.400 --> 00:36:19.960
in the club that I'm in.
Hey, so those that are showing up

425
00:36:20.440 --> 00:36:23.800
have already been affected by it and
they're not sure what to do. Now.

426
00:36:23.920 --> 00:36:28.880
Where the gap is is I really
do not believe we have prevention.

427
00:36:29.719 --> 00:36:36.320
I believe we have crisis intervention,
meaning that once the crisis, once the

428
00:36:36.360 --> 00:36:38.559
red flag, we've got this.
Okay, well, now let's start to

429
00:36:38.599 --> 00:36:42.960
go to therapy. Let's get checked
in here, let's take the medication.

430
00:36:43.800 --> 00:36:50.119
We do not have proactive empowerment,
and that is what I'm working on creating

431
00:36:50.199 --> 00:36:58.159
where we proactively help these kids and
these families learn resilience tools, learn strategies

432
00:36:58.440 --> 00:37:04.559
for mindfulness, stand personalities, understand
love languages, learn how to communicate,

433
00:37:05.079 --> 00:37:10.519
learn how to have creative solutions to
problems and work through that. Being resilient.

434
00:37:10.559 --> 00:37:17.440
And this is this definition I just
took from doctor Taryn Marie, who

435
00:37:17.679 --> 00:37:22.800
is known for all of her work
in resiliency, but she says, being

436
00:37:22.880 --> 00:37:30.239
resilient is your ability to bounce forward, not backwards, Okay, not back.

437
00:37:30.559 --> 00:37:34.440
A lot of people say resilience is
your ability to bounce back, well,

438
00:37:34.760 --> 00:37:39.280
when you have been affected by a
death, by a trauma, by

439
00:37:39.400 --> 00:37:45.599
a move, and a trauma could
be micro or it could be macro.

440
00:37:45.920 --> 00:37:50.599
Right, these little or these big
traumas, but when those happen, you're

441
00:37:50.639 --> 00:37:54.400
not ever going to be that same
person that you were before this experience.

442
00:37:54.719 --> 00:38:00.159
Your paradigms, your perspectives have changed, and so too, as you're thinking.

443
00:38:00.599 --> 00:38:07.320
So it's your ability to bounce forward
after experiencing an event that changes your

444
00:38:07.360 --> 00:38:13.039
life. And that's what we need
to focus on, because we are never

445
00:38:13.239 --> 00:38:20.039
going to be able to erase challenges
or race situations that are going to be

446
00:38:20.159 --> 00:38:27.239
happening. What we need to create
is kids who are resilient, who understand

447
00:38:27.320 --> 00:38:31.000
that they are capable of working through
these that they are capable of being their

448
00:38:31.000 --> 00:38:37.880
own hero, of becoming that hero
who gets called on these adventures, as

449
00:38:37.920 --> 00:38:39.840
these trials thinks, oh my gosh, I don't think I can do this,

450
00:38:40.320 --> 00:38:45.679
But somehow they pull in on those
mentorships, on those tools and say

451
00:38:45.920 --> 00:38:51.400
I've got this, I really can
do this, and they rise above that

452
00:38:51.559 --> 00:38:55.920
challenge braver, stronger, and with
more courage, knowing that the next time

453
00:38:55.960 --> 00:39:00.960
the obstacle comes their way or something
similar, maybe it's something different, but

454
00:39:01.039 --> 00:39:07.480
that they have the ability that self
efficacy to believe in themselves, that they

455
00:39:07.519 --> 00:39:13.599
can do the hard things that it
doesn't need to create them as a victim

456
00:39:14.000 --> 00:39:17.960
of their life. They get to
be that hero. Well, and let's

457
00:39:19.000 --> 00:39:22.519
clarify something because I think this is
really important for the people that are listening.

458
00:39:22.599 --> 00:39:25.159
Not everybody has children, Not everybody
has children that are going to commit

459
00:39:25.199 --> 00:39:30.039
suicide, but I would dare say
that in many respects, most of us

460
00:39:30.079 --> 00:39:35.800
have experienced emotional turmoil that our children
have experienced. And as we talked about

461
00:39:35.920 --> 00:39:39.239
mental health, we're not just talking
about prevention of suicide. We're talking about

462
00:39:39.280 --> 00:39:45.639
prevention of mental poor mental health.
And you know, I have two stories

463
00:39:45.679 --> 00:39:47.360
what you're interesting and I think I
shared one of them with you already.

464
00:39:47.639 --> 00:39:51.599
You know, when I had my
dental practice, people I had a very

465
00:39:52.239 --> 00:39:55.280
subspecialty that I enjoyed. People would
come in and say, oh, doctor,

466
00:39:55.280 --> 00:40:00.320
I have TMJ and I'm going,
well, let me clarify this.

467
00:40:00.440 --> 00:40:04.599
You actually have two You went on
the right side and went on the left

468
00:40:04.599 --> 00:40:07.480
side. It's your jaw right,
and I said, so tell me what

469
00:40:07.519 --> 00:40:12.199
your symptoms are. Now. The
other thing is that as I've gone through

470
00:40:12.239 --> 00:40:15.840
life, there's issues, so I'm
taking different medications for this and then and

471
00:40:15.880 --> 00:40:22.159
so forth. I found a doctor
who is totally outside the medical community.

472
00:40:22.559 --> 00:40:27.199
I'm sure he's not really accepted because
usually what doctors do, which they did

473
00:40:27.280 --> 00:40:30.159
for me, is give me meds. He is a nutritional physician and he

474
00:40:30.280 --> 00:40:32.840
is an MD, and all of
a sudden, he's saying, Doug,

475
00:40:32.920 --> 00:40:36.199
he says, let's look at your
blood tests. Okay, you know what,

476
00:40:36.360 --> 00:40:38.440
Let's try this, Let's try that, Let's try this. And he's

477
00:40:38.480 --> 00:40:44.440
just giving me all of these different
supplements and guess what, miracles happen.

478
00:40:45.079 --> 00:40:51.000
So I think that I think that
one of the challenges that we face is

479
00:40:51.079 --> 00:40:52.599
realizing that, you know, what
we need, As you have said,

480
00:40:52.719 --> 00:40:59.480
we need to get to the very
essence and the causation of what's going on

481
00:40:59.599 --> 00:41:02.840
here, and I think everything that
you're talking about is doing exactly that.

482
00:41:02.920 --> 00:41:07.239
Now. I want you to just
share some information on your Hohope Hero Foundation

483
00:41:07.280 --> 00:41:12.840
because I think that's really important.
How are you going to proactively change the

484
00:41:12.960 --> 00:41:17.400
education system to bring the families and
schools together. And what are some of

485
00:41:17.480 --> 00:41:22.559
the other things that the Hope Hero
Foundations. What is your mission? Yeah,

486
00:41:22.920 --> 00:41:27.480
thank you for that. So our
mission is to catch kids before they

487
00:41:27.519 --> 00:41:31.280
fall. We want to prepare them, proactively, prepare them to become heroes

488
00:41:31.280 --> 00:41:35.400
of their own stories. And I
love that you said. You know,

489
00:41:36.039 --> 00:41:38.920
not all kids are going to think
about suicide, all right, not all

490
00:41:38.960 --> 00:41:45.079
of them will. But right now, what is being out there is anxiety,

491
00:41:45.239 --> 00:41:49.440
depression, mental health, mental health, mental health. Right they're hearing

492
00:41:49.519 --> 00:41:54.760
these, they're not understanding how to
build strong and healthy mindsets for growth and

493
00:41:55.000 --> 00:42:04.199
overcoming these. And so what we're
doing is preventing them from ever getting to

494
00:42:05.039 --> 00:42:08.480
those thoughts of suicide, or if
they do have those thoughts, how do

495
00:42:08.519 --> 00:42:14.440
I work around those things? And
so with the foundation, so this just

496
00:42:14.519 --> 00:42:19.159
started this year, all right.
So we've got the Hope Hero Foundation and

497
00:42:19.199 --> 00:42:23.880
then I also and that's our nonprofit. And what we are doing with that

498
00:42:24.679 --> 00:42:29.440
is we have so with my book. I got my book right here,

499
00:42:29.480 --> 00:42:32.199
So it has some red converse on
it, all right, And so what

500
00:42:32.239 --> 00:42:38.840
we are doing with this is these
converse are a symbol of hope, of

501
00:42:39.039 --> 00:42:45.079
courage, of perseverance, that with
every step these kids take, they can

502
00:42:45.119 --> 00:42:52.239
be brave. Right. Red symbolizes
power, bravery, love, So with

503
00:42:52.360 --> 00:42:58.000
every step, every direction, they
are walking with their head up a little

504
00:42:58.079 --> 00:43:01.320
higher, knowing that someone else el
believes in them as well as finding that

505
00:43:01.400 --> 00:43:07.519
belief in themselves. So we donate
a pair of high top red commerce to

506
00:43:07.679 --> 00:43:14.159
a deserving team or tween throughout the
country. So every month we are doing

507
00:43:14.199 --> 00:43:22.519
that. We also have Heroeship scholarships
for my programs as well as helping those

508
00:43:22.679 --> 00:43:25.800
when we get into the schools for
the programs that we're going to be doing.

509
00:43:27.239 --> 00:43:30.559
And do you want me to talk
about kind of my ideas and what

510
00:43:30.679 --> 00:43:34.639
I'm working out? Absolutely? Absolutely. We got about five minutes left,

511
00:43:34.639 --> 00:43:37.519
so take your time, Okay,
Well, don't take your time, take

512
00:43:37.559 --> 00:43:42.639
five minutes. Take five minutes,
right, I will do that. So

513
00:43:42.840 --> 00:43:50.440
here's the gap that I've seen as
an educator as a parent with the school

514
00:43:50.440 --> 00:43:54.519
systems and and things. Sometimes it's
very divisive, all right, And especially

515
00:43:54.960 --> 00:44:00.559
in the last couple of years.
You've got the teachers and you've got parents,

516
00:44:00.639 --> 00:44:04.119
and the kids are in the middle
of this, okay, And so

517
00:44:04.559 --> 00:44:08.679
sometimes you have the parents truly supporting
the teachers, sometimes you don't. Sometimes

518
00:44:08.719 --> 00:44:13.719
you have the parents blaming the teachers. Sometimes you have the teachers blaming the

519
00:44:13.760 --> 00:44:16.599
parents. I want to get rid
of this, okay, so that we

520
00:44:16.639 --> 00:44:22.280
are a trifecta working together where we
are on the team of our kids,

521
00:44:22.320 --> 00:44:28.119
because at the end of the day, they are who is important. They

522
00:44:28.360 --> 00:44:32.440
are what we are building on for
the future. So what I've done is

523
00:44:32.519 --> 00:44:38.639
I've broken down my book and I've
created some workbooks for it. For the

524
00:44:38.679 --> 00:44:44.440
Hero's journey, all right, so
calls to adventure, challenges, trials,

525
00:44:44.559 --> 00:44:52.360
overcoming those things, finding the internal
guidance to rise above situation. What we

526
00:44:52.400 --> 00:45:00.400
are doing is we are breaking that
down and we are doing custom curriculum grade

527
00:45:00.480 --> 00:45:07.280
level her school, her district based
off of the surveys done by parents,

528
00:45:07.800 --> 00:45:14.519
teachers, and the students of those
grades. So we'll have Hero's Journey material

529
00:45:14.639 --> 00:45:16.920
in it. And then if parents
say, do you know what I need

530
00:45:17.000 --> 00:45:22.719
a little bit more on? Maybe
it is personality, maybe it is breathwork,

531
00:45:23.239 --> 00:45:28.880
maybe it's setting goals some of those
things. A lot that's been coming

532
00:45:28.960 --> 00:45:32.280
up is finding friendships, Okay,
how to build those friendships, how to

533
00:45:32.360 --> 00:45:38.320
have trust with my friends with parents, and so what this will do is

534
00:45:38.679 --> 00:45:44.079
we will work together with the schools
and the parents. There will be a

535
00:45:44.079 --> 00:45:47.960
committee where they will go through and
say, yes, this is what my

536
00:45:49.199 --> 00:45:52.519
sixth graders need, or this is
what my ninth graders need right now,

537
00:45:53.119 --> 00:46:00.800
or this is what the tenth graders
need. And so we are building a

538
00:46:00.800 --> 00:46:08.360
a curriculum that is specifically for those
kids that year to empower them to work

539
00:46:08.480 --> 00:46:14.360
through the challenges that are right now. Okay, and that is a separate

540
00:46:14.360 --> 00:46:20.320
curriculum from math and English and all
of those different types of things. But

541
00:46:20.400 --> 00:46:23.960
this is an additional curriculum that you
would add correct. Yes, So some

542
00:46:24.000 --> 00:46:30.079
of the schools that we're working with, they have advisory classes, okay,

543
00:46:30.400 --> 00:46:36.280
so where they specifically already have a
homeroom teacher where they would take maybe ten

544
00:46:36.400 --> 00:46:40.480
fifteen minutes a couple times a week
to do that. And the cool thing

545
00:46:40.760 --> 00:46:46.840
with teachers doing it that way,
there's been studies saying that in microdoses of

546
00:46:46.960 --> 00:46:53.480
things, you actually internalize those you
can process it and be able to integrate

547
00:46:53.599 --> 00:47:00.199
it into your life. So it's
taking these things processing it so being aware,

548
00:47:00.639 --> 00:47:06.400
right, so we will have a
quote so self awareness of how this

549
00:47:06.480 --> 00:47:12.239
is impacting your life, then it
brings in the empathy of how do you

550
00:47:12.280 --> 00:47:16.039
see this showing up for your friends
or your peers. Now, the cool

551
00:47:16.079 --> 00:47:22.320
thing is is that there will be
a teacher workbook where I've had experience creating

552
00:47:22.360 --> 00:47:25.880
teacher curriculum how to do these lesson
plants. There will be supplemental materials.

553
00:47:27.079 --> 00:47:30.159
O, hey, this should be
ten minutes. Here's some other ideas on

554
00:47:30.440 --> 00:47:36.119
how to have some conversations with this
then, so the kids will have their

555
00:47:36.119 --> 00:47:42.199
own The teachers and the parents are
going to have their own workbook that goes

556
00:47:42.239 --> 00:47:45.039
directly with this of how to support
the kids at home. There will be

557
00:47:45.079 --> 00:47:51.920
conversation starters of hey, let's have
a conversation about this this week, let's

558
00:47:51.960 --> 00:47:54.159
do this adventure challenge is what I
call them. You know, all of

559
00:47:54.239 --> 00:48:01.239
Hero's journey type language with it and
becoming your own row. And it will

560
00:48:01.280 --> 00:48:08.199
allow those parents to have the built
in conversations and know that at school it

561
00:48:08.320 --> 00:48:15.239
is being supported. So you have
the trifecta at schools and at homes where

562
00:48:15.280 --> 00:48:20.199
we are working together to be on
the team for our kids who are a

563
00:48:20.320 --> 00:48:23.639
future. Oh and I really love
that, you know. And the thing

564
00:48:23.639 --> 00:48:27.719
that comes to my mind is you
were talking about all of that is the

565
00:48:27.760 --> 00:48:32.360
word courage you know, for people
to actually number one awareness, but then

566
00:48:32.480 --> 00:48:38.320
secondarily are they courageous enough to move
forward and do the things that you're talking

567
00:48:38.360 --> 00:48:43.840
about. So as we as we're
finishing up, what I would love for

568
00:48:43.880 --> 00:48:46.679
you to do is take the next
sixty seconds. Okay, I'm going to

569
00:48:46.760 --> 00:48:50.840
give you a minute, think about
this. The next sixty seconds, I

570
00:48:50.920 --> 00:48:57.119
want you to share what is the
message that you want the audience to understand

571
00:48:57.119 --> 00:49:00.760
that you want parents to understand,
because that sixty seconds will be just a

572
00:49:00.840 --> 00:49:08.480
short reel that we put somewhere.
Oh. I think my biggest thing is

573
00:49:09.239 --> 00:49:15.480
I want parents to know that they
are doing amazing. That we live in

574
00:49:15.519 --> 00:49:22.719
a time that is a challenge.
I want these kids to know that you

575
00:49:22.760 --> 00:49:28.639
are so capable. You are so
capable, and if you just had that

576
00:49:28.800 --> 00:49:35.000
belief in yourself to know that you
can rise above these challenges, you will

577
00:49:35.079 --> 00:49:38.039
rise above those. It's that little
bit of belief, that little bit of

578
00:49:38.079 --> 00:49:45.400
hope that helps you get to that
next step. Take one step today,

579
00:49:45.639 --> 00:49:51.400
take one brave, courageous step,
and who you want to be, ask

580
00:49:51.480 --> 00:49:57.239
for the help that you need.
Learn discover who you want to be,

581
00:49:57.400 --> 00:50:01.840
who you want to become and trust
that you truly are capable of being the

582
00:50:01.840 --> 00:50:07.880
hero of your own story. And
I truly believe that when we come together

583
00:50:07.079 --> 00:50:14.280
as a community, we will empower
our kids with resilience and bravery that no

584
00:50:14.360 --> 00:50:20.159
matter what comes into their lives,
they will be able to overcome those challenges

585
00:50:20.559 --> 00:50:25.679
with grace, with determination, and
belief in themselves that they can do hard

586
00:50:25.719 --> 00:50:30.039
things. Wonderful, wonderful. Well, Alicia, thank you so much.

587
00:50:30.159 --> 00:50:36.159
This has just been an amazing,
amazing discussion and interview. I really appreciate

588
00:50:36.199 --> 00:50:39.960
it, and more importantly, and
you know this, I appreciate what you're

589
00:50:40.000 --> 00:50:44.960
doing. You know, it's one
thing to have a little bit of concern

590
00:50:45.000 --> 00:50:46.800
and sit back and say, oh, I'm concerned about this. It's another

591
00:50:46.840 --> 00:50:52.039
thing to say that concern is going
to move me to action and I'm going

592
00:50:52.159 --> 00:50:54.679
to do, based on my talents
and my abilities, the best I can

593
00:50:54.679 --> 00:51:00.039
do to help people. And obviously
you have those talents and abilities. So

594
00:51:00.199 --> 00:51:02.480
thank you so much for being on
the show. Well, thank you,

595
00:51:02.559 --> 00:51:07.039
Doug. I appreciate being here and
I love all that you're doing. And

596
00:51:07.119 --> 00:51:13.239
it really it does take that bravery
and that courage to step out and to

597
00:51:13.400 --> 00:51:17.559
take the action. Being aware is
one thing, but you have to act.

598
00:51:17.639 --> 00:51:22.280
And I think it's Leonardo da Vinci
who says, like knowing is not

599
00:51:22.519 --> 00:51:29.840
enough, we must do exactly.
And folks, thanks for listening today.

600
00:51:29.840 --> 00:51:31.360
I hope this has made a difference
for you. And if you have any

601
00:51:31.400 --> 00:51:36.039
questions or actually would like to get
ahold of Alicia, Alicia, how do

602
00:51:36.079 --> 00:51:39.800
they reach you? So? You
can find me on Instagram at the Hope

603
00:51:39.800 --> 00:51:45.880
Hero or at Rise with Elicia.
The Hope hero dot com is our website,

604
00:51:45.960 --> 00:51:51.719
so you can check that out and
really just find me on social or

605
00:51:51.800 --> 00:51:54.320
on the website and I would love
to connect and chat with you support you

606
00:51:54.360 --> 00:51:59.360
in any way that I can perfect. Thanks so much, and folks,

607
00:51:59.360 --> 00:52:02.039
thanks for listening. I hope you'll
join us again soon. Take care all

608
00:52:02.159 --> 00:52:05.320
right, bye Doug bye now.