July 24, 2024

Life Without A Tie

Life Without A Tie

Time for a new adventure. How often do we find ourselves at a point where we really want a change in our lives from the existing circumstances. Ray Martin is someone who has been able to do that and shares the 6 rules of happiness that he discovered...

iHeartRadio podcast player iconSpotify podcast player iconAmazon Music podcast player iconAudible podcast player iconPandora podcast player iconApple Podcasts podcast player iconSpreaker podcast player iconPodchaser podcast player iconAudacy podcast player iconDeezer podcast player iconTuneIn podcast player iconRSS Feed podcast player iconPodcast Addict podcast player iconCastro podcast player iconCastamatic podcast player iconCastbox podcast player iconFountain podcast player iconJioSaavn podcast player iconPlayerFM podcast player iconOvercast podcast player iconGoodpods podcast player iconPocketCasts podcast player iconPodverse podcast player iconPodurama podcast player iconPodimo podcast player iconPodyssey podcast player iconYouTube podcast player iconYoutube Music podcast player icon
iHeartRadio podcast player iconSpotify podcast player iconAmazon Music podcast player iconAudible podcast player iconPandora podcast player iconApple Podcasts podcast player iconSpreaker podcast player iconPodchaser podcast player iconAudacy podcast player iconDeezer podcast player iconTuneIn podcast player iconRSS Feed podcast player iconPodcast Addict podcast player iconCastro podcast player iconCastamatic podcast player iconCastbox podcast player iconFountain podcast player iconJioSaavn podcast player iconPlayerFM podcast player iconOvercast podcast player iconGoodpods podcast player iconPocketCasts podcast player iconPodverse podcast player iconPodurama podcast player iconPodimo podcast player iconPodyssey podcast player iconYouTube podcast player iconYoutube Music podcast player icon
Time for a new adventure. How often do we find ourselves at a point where we really want a change in our lives from the existing circumstances. Ray Martin is someone who has been able to do that and shares the 6 rules of happiness that he discovered on his new path. www.lifewithoutatie.com

Inspire Vision Podcast is broadcast on K4HD Radio (www.k4hd.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com).

Inspire Vision Podcast TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).

Inspire Vision Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
WEBVTT

1
00:00:01.120 --> 00:00:04.719
This program is designed to provide general information with regards

2
00:00:04.759 --> 00:00:07.719
to the subject matters covered. This information is given with

3
00:00:07.759 --> 00:00:12.119
the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station

4
00:00:12.359 --> 00:00:17.519
are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,

5
00:00:17.920 --> 00:00:22.839
legal counseling, professional service, or any advice. You should seek

6
00:00:22.879 --> 00:00:26.960
the services of competent professionals before applying or trying any

7
00:00:27.079 --> 00:00:29.559
suggested ideas.

8
00:00:29.120 --> 00:00:33.240
At the end of the day, it's not about what

9
00:00:33.320 --> 00:00:36.600
you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what

10
00:00:36.640 --> 00:00:40.159
you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up,

11
00:00:40.520 --> 00:00:43.799
who you've made better. It's about what you've given back.

12
00:00:44.359 --> 00:00:48.840
Denzel Washington, welcome to Inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is

13
00:00:48.880 --> 00:00:51.759
to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you.

14
00:00:51.640 --> 00:00:55.840
To do the same. Ray, welcome to the show.

15
00:00:56.520 --> 00:00:59.359
Thank you very much for inviting you all today.

16
00:00:59.399 --> 00:01:01.799
I really have you on now. Let the Fox know

17
00:01:01.840 --> 00:01:03.960
where you're at. Well.

18
00:01:04.200 --> 00:01:08.680
I live currently in the UK in a place called Glastonbury,

19
00:01:08.760 --> 00:01:11.519
which is famous around the world for the music festival

20
00:01:11.560 --> 00:01:14.280
that happens once a year. But I think that's its

21
00:01:14.280 --> 00:01:16.840
major claim to fame at least, But it's a lovely little.

22
00:01:16.599 --> 00:01:18.040
Town, wonderful.

23
00:01:18.079 --> 00:01:21.079
And you know what fascinated me is I was getting

24
00:01:21.079 --> 00:01:23.319
to know a little bit more about you. You talk

25
00:01:23.400 --> 00:01:27.879
about aka the Daily Explorer, and I know you have

26
00:01:27.959 --> 00:01:31.280
an amazing story and I'd love for you to share

27
00:01:31.640 --> 00:01:36.000
your story those aha moments, maybe you know, the key

28
00:01:36.040 --> 00:01:39.480
moments that changed your direction, but ultimately what brought you

29
00:01:39.560 --> 00:01:40.359
to this point.

30
00:01:41.120 --> 00:01:44.079
Yeah, it's a great question. I'll give you the short

31
00:01:44.159 --> 00:01:46.400
version of. If there's anything you particularly want me to

32
00:01:46.519 --> 00:01:47.799
talk more about, you can let me.

33
00:01:47.760 --> 00:01:49.280
Know, Okay. Yeah.

34
00:01:50.519 --> 00:01:55.359
In two thousand and three, two thousand and four, I

35
00:01:55.439 --> 00:01:58.400
was a businessman living in London. I set up a

36
00:01:58.439 --> 00:02:01.840
company sort of in the deca previously, and my business

37
00:02:01.879 --> 00:02:03.519
partner was the woman I was married to, so we

38
00:02:03.519 --> 00:02:07.120
were a husband and wife management team. And to all

39
00:02:07.159 --> 00:02:11.000
of my family and friends, you know, i'd been successful

40
00:02:11.080 --> 00:02:14.639
in their terms, I'd sort of you know, done materially

41
00:02:14.840 --> 00:02:19.639
very well, achieved success with the business. I'd even been

42
00:02:20.159 --> 00:02:23.280
crowned Business Leader of the Year by the Daily Telegraph

43
00:02:23.280 --> 00:02:26.639
in England, so I had a professional recognition and so

44
00:02:27.159 --> 00:02:30.000
to the outside world, I think I looked on paper

45
00:02:30.000 --> 00:02:33.840
at least to be an image of success, but behind

46
00:02:33.879 --> 00:02:38.520
that facade. I wasn't happy or and things weren't working,

47
00:02:38.560 --> 00:02:43.159
and my marriage was breaking up. And one day my

48
00:02:44.439 --> 00:02:46.800
ex wife now came back from a meeting said I'm

49
00:02:46.840 --> 00:02:49.080
leaving you and I'm leaving the company. And it was

50
00:02:49.159 --> 00:02:52.400
very sudden, quite shocking. And at the same time, my

51
00:02:52.479 --> 00:02:55.479
father got very ill and he passed away. And so

52
00:02:55.560 --> 00:02:58.280
within three or four months, the life that I knew

53
00:02:58.319 --> 00:03:01.520
as normal had just completely you've operated. It was like

54
00:03:01.599 --> 00:03:05.400
standing in a bomb crater, you know, surrounded by destruction

55
00:03:05.599 --> 00:03:09.759
on all sides. And as a result of that, you know,

56
00:03:09.800 --> 00:03:14.159
I was really broken, to be really honestly dug and

57
00:03:14.960 --> 00:03:17.879
friends of mine suggested to me, I should take a sabbatical,

58
00:03:17.960 --> 00:03:20.000
you know, just go away for a few months and

59
00:03:20.280 --> 00:03:23.240
have a reset and reflect on everything that had happened

60
00:03:23.240 --> 00:03:26.039
and sort of make sense of it and restart. So

61
00:03:26.319 --> 00:03:28.400
I thought that was a great idea, and I decided

62
00:03:28.439 --> 00:03:32.400
to minimalize my life. I sold my house in London

63
00:03:32.400 --> 00:03:35.479
and thought, I'll buy a smaller place when I get

64
00:03:35.479 --> 00:03:38.599
back from my sabbatical, I'll be gone for six months.

65
00:03:38.639 --> 00:03:42.120
It won't be very long anyway, to cut a very

66
00:03:42.159 --> 00:03:44.680
long story short. After six months, I wasn't quite ready

67
00:03:44.719 --> 00:03:48.680
to come back, because in the last week of that sabbatical,

68
00:03:48.759 --> 00:03:52.159
I did a passner met such silent meditation retreat in

69
00:03:52.199 --> 00:03:56.919
a Buddhist monastery, ten days of silent meditation, and that

70
00:03:57.120 --> 00:04:01.759
just like completely reconfigured my brain and had a big

71
00:04:01.840 --> 00:04:05.919
reset around that, and I thought, Oh, whatever this is

72
00:04:05.919 --> 00:04:08.240
I've discovered, I love it. I want to explore it more.

73
00:04:08.719 --> 00:04:12.280
That I'd never thought about meditation or mindfulness or any

74
00:04:12.319 --> 00:04:15.439
of those things which are now so common in our language.

75
00:04:16.240 --> 00:04:18.839
And so I thought, I want to stay a bit

76
00:04:18.879 --> 00:04:21.600
longer and start to develop my practice around those things

77
00:04:21.639 --> 00:04:24.680
before I go back. So I stayed a bit longer

78
00:04:24.720 --> 00:04:28.839
in a place called chang Mai in Thailand, and there

79
00:04:28.879 --> 00:04:31.279
I made quite a few friends and saw things that

80
00:04:31.360 --> 00:04:34.040
touched my heart, like an elephant sanctuary that was providing

81
00:04:34.040 --> 00:04:37.600
a home for rescued elephants. And I went off to

82
00:04:37.639 --> 00:04:41.360
the Himalayas and organized a picnic for some kids at

83
00:04:41.360 --> 00:04:44.720
an orphanage in Nepal, and that really touched me, and

84
00:04:45.319 --> 00:04:49.040
I started to think I wanted to do something to

85
00:04:49.079 --> 00:04:52.759
support those local projects somehow with fundraising, I didn't know

86
00:04:52.839 --> 00:04:57.040
what to do, and so I met a guy in

87
00:04:57.120 --> 00:04:59.360
my travel was who was a marathon runner, and he

88
00:05:00.120 --> 00:05:02.120
talked about it, and as he spoke about it, gave

89
00:05:02.160 --> 00:05:04.839
me tingles, and I thought I was nearly fifty, and

90
00:05:04.879 --> 00:05:06.560
I said, do you think I could run a marathon

91
00:05:07.199 --> 00:05:09.759
to raise money for these projects? And I could start

92
00:05:09.759 --> 00:05:13.040
a fundraising organization? He said, yeah, I think so. He said,

93
00:05:13.040 --> 00:05:14.639
I'll tell you what you know, if you stay in

94
00:05:14.720 --> 00:05:16.920
chang My for six months, I'll train you how to

95
00:05:16.959 --> 00:05:19.319
run a marathon. And I said, okay, it's a deal.

96
00:05:20.120 --> 00:05:23.319
So I did that and raised fifteen thousand dollars and

97
00:05:23.879 --> 00:05:26.319
ran the New York Marathon in two thousand and nine,

98
00:05:28.040 --> 00:05:30.800
and I've run four more since then. Anyway, this a

99
00:05:30.879 --> 00:05:34.480
baticle wasn't six months. It turned into fourteen years that

100
00:05:34.519 --> 00:05:38.000
I lived out of my backpack, and I returned in

101
00:05:38.040 --> 00:05:39.959
twenty nineteen to the UK.

102
00:05:40.920 --> 00:05:44.800
Oh my goodness, I can't even imagine. I have to

103
00:05:44.839 --> 00:05:45.120
tell you.

104
00:05:45.160 --> 00:05:49.399
As I've traveled, you know, back and forth around Asia,

105
00:05:50.000 --> 00:05:53.639
it fascinates me to see so many young people that

106
00:05:53.680 --> 00:05:56.160
are just you know, they're just living out of their backpack,

107
00:05:56.319 --> 00:05:59.360
and I'm going, how on earth do you do that?

108
00:05:59.360 --> 00:06:01.639
I'm saying, there with two or three suitcases, you know,

109
00:06:02.319 --> 00:06:05.680
making sure I've got everything I need. Uh that and

110
00:06:05.839 --> 00:06:08.639
particularly at the age. What age were you at when

111
00:06:08.680 --> 00:06:09.439
that was going on?

112
00:06:10.000 --> 00:06:12.120
Well, I left, When I left the UK, I was

113
00:06:12.199 --> 00:06:15.040
forty five. I think I was then, okay, packer that

114
00:06:15.120 --> 00:06:17.519
I knew, you know, in Asia most of the people

115
00:06:17.519 --> 00:06:21.360
are half my age, all that, you know, I mean, yeah.

116
00:06:21.199 --> 00:06:24.160
Yeah, that's fascinating. So anyway, go on. I didn't mean

117
00:06:24.160 --> 00:06:24.759
to interrupt you.

118
00:06:24.839 --> 00:06:27.040
No, that's okay, that's okay. I mean, so that's that's

119
00:06:27.120 --> 00:06:30.079
kind of the short version of the story. But below

120
00:06:30.680 --> 00:06:32.839
the surface line of the story, you know, all those

121
00:06:32.879 --> 00:06:38.639
things really changed my thinking so deeply. My thoughts about ownership,

122
00:06:38.680 --> 00:06:43.759
about status, about purpose, mission, all of these things were

123
00:06:43.800 --> 00:06:46.800
really shifting a lot. And I I knew I didn't

124
00:06:46.839 --> 00:06:48.800
want to return to the kind of life I had.

125
00:06:48.839 --> 00:06:51.680
I absolutely knew that. Whilst I was a competent CEO

126
00:06:51.800 --> 00:06:54.040
and I was good at that role and I could

127
00:06:54.079 --> 00:06:57.040
earn money doing it, I knew that I didn't want

128
00:06:57.120 --> 00:06:59.240
to do something different. I wanted to work one on

129
00:06:59.240 --> 00:07:02.480
one coaching people and do much more of that kind

130
00:07:02.560 --> 00:07:06.519
of interacted one on one work. And I kind of

131
00:07:06.600 --> 00:07:08.759
sort of sense that was where I read my heart

132
00:07:08.879 --> 00:07:14.279
lied with you and so, and so my journey became

133
00:07:14.319 --> 00:07:17.040
about really following what I knew as my now know

134
00:07:17.160 --> 00:07:20.000
as my true path. And I got inspired by a

135
00:07:20.040 --> 00:07:22.279
book by a lady called Bronnie Ware. I don't know

136
00:07:22.279 --> 00:07:24.000
if you've heard of her book called The Top Five

137
00:07:24.040 --> 00:07:25.000
Regrets of the Dying.

138
00:07:26.120 --> 00:07:27.319
I haven't heard it now.

139
00:07:27.720 --> 00:07:31.120
It's quite a well read book around the world. And

140
00:07:31.800 --> 00:07:34.120
she works in a hospice as a nurse, and so

141
00:07:34.839 --> 00:07:37.079
she has conversations with people in the last days of

142
00:07:37.120 --> 00:07:40.079
their life pretty much exclusively. That's all she does. So

143
00:07:40.160 --> 00:07:42.519
she spoke to well over one thousand people who and

144
00:07:42.560 --> 00:07:44.759
asked them the same question, what do you most regret

145
00:07:45.240 --> 00:07:47.879
about your life? And they all said the same thing.

146
00:07:47.879 --> 00:07:51.000
They all said, I wished I'd live my life true

147
00:07:51.040 --> 00:07:53.839
to myself and not the life that others expected of me.

148
00:07:55.120 --> 00:07:59.879
And I thought, wow, wow, I want to be living

149
00:08:00.240 --> 00:08:03.680
from that place, not the place I was living from before.

150
00:08:04.480 --> 00:08:08.199
And so that changed everything. Ever since then I've lived.

151
00:08:08.680 --> 00:08:11.920
I still live a very minimal life. I still own

152
00:08:12.199 --> 00:08:14.480
one bag of clothes with twenty two kilos in it,

153
00:08:14.560 --> 00:08:20.160
a laptop, very minimal things. I have had to acquire

154
00:08:20.519 --> 00:08:23.120
a place to live in the UK because I was

155
00:08:23.120 --> 00:08:25.680
homeless when I came back, So that's pretty much the

156
00:08:25.720 --> 00:08:30.560
only thing I own is a small house. But I

157
00:08:30.639 --> 00:08:33.080
you know, I'm very minimalist now compared to how I

158
00:08:33.200 --> 00:08:33.679
was before.

159
00:08:34.559 --> 00:08:37.120
Well, and you know, it's fascinating to me two things

160
00:08:37.200 --> 00:08:39.679
you said number one, and I like it. You know,

161
00:08:39.720 --> 00:08:45.840
we tend to live our life as impostors, and by

162
00:08:45.879 --> 00:08:48.840
that it's like, as you say, we're living a life

163
00:08:48.840 --> 00:08:53.360
that other people expect of us, and it's such a challenge.

164
00:08:53.399 --> 00:08:56.279
I know that as I've done some behavioral analyses for

165
00:08:56.360 --> 00:09:00.080
people and talking about the different types of lives that

166
00:09:00.120 --> 00:09:03.720
we have, one which is, you know, are really who

167
00:09:03.759 --> 00:09:07.320
we really are, our true self versus our social self

168
00:09:07.360 --> 00:09:10.399
of who we need to be based on that, it's

169
00:09:10.440 --> 00:09:13.759
fascinating to me how many people get stuck in that

170
00:09:14.000 --> 00:09:17.440
expectation life and really don't know how to become their

171
00:09:17.440 --> 00:09:18.120
true selves.

172
00:09:19.000 --> 00:09:22.480
Yeah, it's so easily done because the conditioning of society

173
00:09:22.559 --> 00:09:27.519
is so powerful. It's so surreptitious and unseen and powerful.

174
00:09:28.080 --> 00:09:30.879
You know, we're basically trained from a very early age

175
00:09:30.879 --> 00:09:35.159
to be consumers, to fit into a system of governance,

176
00:09:35.440 --> 00:09:39.799
to be compliant, to not really question authority too much,

177
00:09:40.919 --> 00:09:43.840
and to follow the rules and behave and get rewarded.

178
00:09:44.399 --> 00:09:44.600
Cool.

179
00:09:44.720 --> 00:09:49.879
Yeah, well, I'm fascinated by your silent meditation, and by that,

180
00:09:49.960 --> 00:09:53.720
I'm assuming that means that it's only breathing meditation. You're

181
00:09:53.759 --> 00:09:56.240
not listening to music, you're not listening to anything else.

182
00:09:56.679 --> 00:10:01.200
And I can't even imagine how you do that.

183
00:10:01.720 --> 00:10:01.879
Now.

184
00:10:02.200 --> 00:10:04.799
I laugh, because when I was heading to Thailand last

185
00:10:04.960 --> 00:10:07.799
you know, last fall, Yes, my one of my sons says, Dad,

186
00:10:07.840 --> 00:10:10.679
you really should go to a monastery and just be

187
00:10:10.799 --> 00:10:13.320
there for a couple of weeks and do that. And

188
00:10:13.840 --> 00:10:16.519
I didn't do that, but I started meditating every day

189
00:10:17.000 --> 00:10:19.480
and I was talking to him one day and it's like,

190
00:10:19.519 --> 00:10:21.399
you know what, I didn't go. I didn't go to

191
00:10:21.440 --> 00:10:24.679
the monastery. But bottom line is I feel like I've

192
00:10:25.039 --> 00:10:28.120
done the same thing just in this culture.

193
00:10:28.879 --> 00:10:31.559
Yeah, it doesn't matter whether you do it at home

194
00:10:31.759 --> 00:10:35.120
or in a monastery. The main thing is is that we,

195
00:10:36.039 --> 00:10:41.240
most of us, really take any time to quieten our thinking,

196
00:10:42.559 --> 00:10:44.639
the voice in our own head that talks to us

197
00:10:44.720 --> 00:10:48.000
NonStop about everything, that comments on everything, that judges everything,

198
00:10:48.720 --> 00:10:53.080
that has beliefs about everything. You know, that's good, that's bad,

199
00:10:53.120 --> 00:10:55.919
that's right, that's wrong, that's high, that's low, that's black,

200
00:10:55.960 --> 00:10:59.919
that's white. You know that that all our thinking minds

201
00:11:00.080 --> 00:11:03.279
do that. And so the purpose of meditation is really

202
00:11:03.679 --> 00:11:07.639
to find a place of stillness, a quietness. You can't

203
00:11:07.679 --> 00:11:11.440
stop the mind from making those kind of sounds, but

204
00:11:11.480 --> 00:11:14.960
you can tune out. You can train where you direct

205
00:11:15.000 --> 00:11:18.919
your awareness and attention towards other things. What you can

206
00:11:19.000 --> 00:11:23.240
see here, smell, taste, and touch the senses and to

207
00:11:24.039 --> 00:11:26.360
what I would call the voice of your inner wisdom,

208
00:11:26.440 --> 00:11:31.159
your intuition, your gut feeling, your wisest part of yourself,

209
00:11:31.159 --> 00:11:35.200
which that voice is not audible while we've got the

210
00:11:35.240 --> 00:11:37.759
noise of our thinking going on because it overrides it.

211
00:11:38.600 --> 00:11:41.759
And so the whole practice is to train yourself to

212
00:11:41.799 --> 00:11:43.639
be quiet enough to hear that voice.

213
00:11:43.840 --> 00:11:45.840
Well. And when you went there, was that the first

214
00:11:45.840 --> 00:11:47.039
time you've ever meditated?

215
00:11:47.320 --> 00:11:49.279
First time? Yeah, that was in two thousand and six.

216
00:11:50.000 --> 00:11:52.320
So I would love for you to share because I'm

217
00:11:52.360 --> 00:11:56.240
just really curious about this. What was your experience. I mean,

218
00:11:56.399 --> 00:11:58.279
you started off and I don't know how long you

219
00:11:58.399 --> 00:12:00.879
meditated each day, but you know, as you went through

220
00:12:00.879 --> 00:12:04.480
that process, at what point, at what point in time

221
00:12:04.519 --> 00:12:08.600
did you actually started experiencing something different other than just

222
00:12:08.679 --> 00:12:10.919
the frustration of I've got to keep my eyes closed

223
00:12:10.960 --> 00:12:12.480
and so on and so forth.

224
00:12:12.879 --> 00:12:14.759
Well, it was I've got to be really honest. It

225
00:12:14.919 --> 00:12:18.360
was quite challenging for me because I'd never been silent

226
00:12:18.399 --> 00:12:20.960
for more than ten minutes. I mean, no, I did,

227
00:12:21.240 --> 00:12:25.600
but luckily at the International Dama Center near Suratani where

228
00:12:25.639 --> 00:12:28.399
I did my first pastner. I've done a couple more since,

229
00:12:28.720 --> 00:12:33.120
but that first one. They were really fantastic because all

230
00:12:33.159 --> 00:12:36.279
the participants for foreigners, and they do it for the foreigners,

231
00:12:36.320 --> 00:12:40.320
you know, mainly, so they're aware that no one's got this,

232
00:12:40.639 --> 00:12:43.320
you know, physical stamina for this sort of thing. So

233
00:12:43.360 --> 00:12:47.679
they break up the day into nothing more than about

234
00:12:47.799 --> 00:12:51.360
ninety minutes to two hour sessions at the most, and

235
00:12:51.440 --> 00:12:54.960
so the most you're ever sitting cross legged for would

236
00:12:55.000 --> 00:12:58.600
be ninety minutes for two hours. They'd break up the

237
00:12:58.679 --> 00:13:02.440
day with some walking meditations, because you can do silent

238
00:13:02.519 --> 00:13:06.639
walking meditation as well as a sitting. There's a little

239
00:13:06.639 --> 00:13:08.759
bit of chanting during the day, and they also have

240
00:13:09.000 --> 00:13:12.639
one hour in the day in their program where they

241
00:13:12.679 --> 00:13:15.919
have a dharma talk where a monk will actually speak

242
00:13:15.960 --> 00:13:19.519
out to educate you about some of the Buddhist teachings

243
00:13:19.519 --> 00:13:22.919
and principles. That was incredibly useful to me because it

244
00:13:23.000 --> 00:13:27.240
started to open my mind and thinking to why we

245
00:13:27.320 --> 00:13:29.440
super so much while we have so much anxiety and

246
00:13:29.480 --> 00:13:32.320
stress in our society and the root of that is.

247
00:13:32.960 --> 00:13:35.639
And I'd never really seen it so clearly before, before

248
00:13:35.679 --> 00:13:38.519
I had this teaching from the monks about what they

249
00:13:38.559 --> 00:13:42.840
call the cycle of craving. Now that leads to anxiety

250
00:13:42.960 --> 00:13:46.840
and endless wanting and grasping and clinging to things that

251
00:13:46.879 --> 00:13:47.360
we don't have.

252
00:13:48.799 --> 00:13:51.200
Well, and two things come to my mind, And I'm

253
00:13:51.240 --> 00:13:53.919
really curious about this as you as you listen, I've

254
00:13:53.919 --> 00:13:55.639
tried to listen to the monks, but none of them

255
00:13:55.679 --> 00:13:58.279
speak English, so yeah, it doesn't help me at all.

256
00:13:58.480 --> 00:14:00.000
I would assume he spoke English.

257
00:14:00.519 --> 00:14:00.960
Yeah there was.

258
00:14:01.080 --> 00:14:03.559
There were a couple of really Goodlish speakers. There were.

259
00:14:04.320 --> 00:14:07.440
But but you know, one of the things I find

260
00:14:07.720 --> 00:14:11.679
is there's so much conflict going on right now religiously,

261
00:14:12.360 --> 00:14:14.960
and and it's just not the major conflict that we

262
00:14:15.000 --> 00:14:18.279
see over in the Middle East, but but even here

263
00:14:18.440 --> 00:14:21.879
in the United States, you've got this group against that group,

264
00:14:21.919 --> 00:14:25.279
and so on and so forth. When you listen to

265
00:14:25.399 --> 00:14:31.039
him speak, did he ever come across as we are

266
00:14:31.159 --> 00:14:34.440
right and they are wrong type of attitude.

267
00:14:35.679 --> 00:14:41.279
Never, because the teaching is is focused always on what

268
00:14:41.360 --> 00:14:44.639
goes on inside you, in your you know, within your

269
00:14:44.720 --> 00:14:48.519
inner world. It's all about your inner world, how you think,

270
00:14:48.600 --> 00:14:53.200
how you feel, how you how you hold reality inside

271
00:14:53.320 --> 00:14:57.240
your own mind. It's never about what's outside well.

272
00:14:57.320 --> 00:14:59.919
And and to me, that's what that's what really attracted

273
00:15:00.080 --> 00:15:03.360
me to that whole culture was the fact that there

274
00:15:03.679 --> 00:15:06.399
didn't seem to be adjustment. In fact, I remember as

275
00:15:06.440 --> 00:15:08.759
I was traveling to what area and I can't remember

276
00:15:08.759 --> 00:15:10.960
which city it was, and I'd love to go to

277
00:15:11.000 --> 00:15:13.519
take pictures of the temples and so forth. And when

278
00:15:13.519 --> 00:15:15.960
I went there, there was this other small temple right

279
00:15:16.000 --> 00:15:18.120
next to all these bigger temples, and I'm going, what

280
00:15:18.600 --> 00:15:21.519
is that And they go, well, that's an islam temple.

281
00:15:21.559 --> 00:15:26.639
That's a Muslim temple, and I'm thinking wow. And they

282
00:15:26.799 --> 00:15:30.240
built that for the people in the community because they

283
00:15:30.279 --> 00:15:33.399
knew there were enough people that would want their own

284
00:15:33.399 --> 00:15:38.000
temple that way. And I thought, how fascinating that there's

285
00:15:38.080 --> 00:15:42.000
this whole culture of being able to accept people for

286
00:15:42.080 --> 00:15:45.080
who they are, the religious beliefs, whatever that happens to

287
00:15:45.120 --> 00:15:48.320
be and not have all of this conflict that seems

288
00:15:48.320 --> 00:15:48.720
to go on.

289
00:15:49.480 --> 00:15:54.240
M Yeah, it's amazing, absolutely amazing. Yeah, I so know.

290
00:15:54.360 --> 00:15:57.919
It was the answer to a question. They don't. The

291
00:15:58.000 --> 00:16:03.399
whole reason and that mindfulness has become so all pervasive

292
00:16:03.480 --> 00:16:07.000
now is because it gives you a chance to know

293
00:16:07.120 --> 00:16:09.519
where you are at any given moment in terms of

294
00:16:09.559 --> 00:16:14.360
what you're feeling and thinking, and observe yourself without judgment,

295
00:16:15.000 --> 00:16:17.519
because that's the critical part of being mindful, This the

296
00:16:17.559 --> 00:16:19.159
non judgmental part of it.

297
00:16:19.360 --> 00:16:22.279
Well, exactly, and how long did it take We're going

298
00:16:22.320 --> 00:16:25.759
back to your meditation experience. How long did it take you,

299
00:16:25.919 --> 00:16:29.440
how many days, how many weeks, whatever, to the point

300
00:16:29.480 --> 00:16:35.120
where you actually started to experience that inner sense of

301
00:16:35.200 --> 00:16:38.000
peace and got rid of all those external faces that

302
00:16:38.080 --> 00:16:40.639
keep coming through your mind and really able to do

303
00:16:40.679 --> 00:16:43.159
that silent meditation in a way that you started to

304
00:16:43.200 --> 00:16:44.320
gain that inner wisdom.

305
00:16:45.120 --> 00:16:47.840
Yeah. Well, I'll give you an answer to that question.

306
00:16:49.480 --> 00:16:51.879
It was pretty much immedia. As soon as the retreat

307
00:16:51.919 --> 00:16:55.840
was over, I felt like if I'd had a round

308
00:16:55.919 --> 00:16:58.000
knob on the side of my head with the volume,

309
00:16:58.639 --> 00:17:00.360
it would like someone had turned it from a ten

310
00:17:00.399 --> 00:17:02.240
out of ten down to maybe a two out of

311
00:17:02.279 --> 00:17:04.680
ten during the ten days I was, so it was

312
00:17:04.720 --> 00:17:08.799
already silent, it was already much quieter when I left.

313
00:17:08.960 --> 00:17:12.319
And then I found that the more I continued my

314
00:17:12.359 --> 00:17:16.200
own practice of sitting meditation every day, the more quietness

315
00:17:16.279 --> 00:17:19.240
remained and the stillness remained. But then if I stopped

316
00:17:19.319 --> 00:17:21.519
practicing for a couple of days or didn't do it,

317
00:17:21.640 --> 00:17:24.039
and always would go up again, and then I need

318
00:17:24.079 --> 00:17:26.599
to do more to bring it back down and be

319
00:17:26.680 --> 00:17:28.680
still again. And so it's one of those things. It's

320
00:17:28.680 --> 00:17:31.119
a bit like physical fitness. You know, if you don't

321
00:17:31.599 --> 00:17:33.960
exercise regularly, you don't go to the gym, you start

322
00:17:34.000 --> 00:17:36.559
to put on way and get a bit out of breath.

323
00:17:36.599 --> 00:17:40.079
And it's kind of similar to me in my experience

324
00:17:40.119 --> 00:17:40.319
of it.

325
00:17:41.400 --> 00:17:41.720
Well.

326
00:17:41.759 --> 00:17:44.519
And you know, you talk about as minimalist lifestyle, and

327
00:17:45.319 --> 00:17:49.000
for me, I have found that fascinating. Obviously I'm not

328
00:17:49.079 --> 00:17:52.519
living a minimalist lifestyle at this point in time, but

329
00:17:52.680 --> 00:17:55.559
what I found was when I was over there, you know,

330
00:17:55.720 --> 00:17:59.319
you find a place to rent, it's very minimalist, there's

331
00:17:59.359 --> 00:18:02.880
no question about it. And as you watch people and

332
00:18:02.920 --> 00:18:05.640
where they live and so forth, it's also minimalist. And

333
00:18:05.680 --> 00:18:08.440
as I was coming back, I was telling my kids,

334
00:18:08.759 --> 00:18:11.720
you know what, I've got to really declutter. I've got

335
00:18:11.759 --> 00:18:13.839
to just get rid of all of this jug that's

336
00:18:13.880 --> 00:18:18.839
at the house. Yeah, what do you find the value

337
00:18:19.079 --> 00:18:22.599
of minimalist living is? And how do people get to

338
00:18:22.640 --> 00:18:27.720
the point where they start to value that type of concept?

339
00:18:27.960 --> 00:18:33.000
And did that come from your experience with Buddhism from

340
00:18:33.000 --> 00:18:36.000
a standpoint of getting rid of that ego and not

341
00:18:36.119 --> 00:18:38.880
wanting all of this stuff, or how did that come about?

342
00:18:40.400 --> 00:18:42.720
How it came about initially was that I lived in

343
00:18:42.759 --> 00:18:45.759
a pretty big property in London when I was married,

344
00:18:45.960 --> 00:18:51.160
had three flaws with all bedrooms awfully furnished, you know,

345
00:18:51.759 --> 00:18:54.480
And so when I got divorced and decided to sell

346
00:18:54.519 --> 00:18:58.640
the house and go away for sabbatical, I thought, what

347
00:18:58.680 --> 00:19:00.960
am I going to do with the stuff in the house.

348
00:19:01.119 --> 00:19:03.640
There's loads of it, you know. So the cost of

349
00:19:03.720 --> 00:19:07.759
storing that per year in a storage unit was high

350
00:19:07.839 --> 00:19:12.240
in London. And I spoke to as many people that

351
00:19:12.240 --> 00:19:14.640
I could find through my network who'd been expats, who'd

352
00:19:14.640 --> 00:19:17.440
lived abroad for four or five years, and ask them

353
00:19:17.480 --> 00:19:20.160
about how they felt about coming back to their stuff,

354
00:19:20.200 --> 00:19:23.759
And virtually everyone I spoke to with almost no exceptions,

355
00:19:23.759 --> 00:19:25.480
had said, do you know what we wish we'd just

356
00:19:25.519 --> 00:19:27.720
got rid of it from the start. We didn't want

357
00:19:27.799 --> 00:19:30.119
most of it when we got back wepent. We spent

358
00:19:30.240 --> 00:19:33.839
tens of thousands of dollars on storage every year. It

359
00:19:33.920 --> 00:19:37.160
was a waste of money. And so I thought, okay, okay,

360
00:19:37.279 --> 00:19:39.440
I'm just going to either sell or give away the

361
00:19:39.480 --> 00:19:42.839
stuff then, because if I need more stuff in the future,

362
00:19:42.839 --> 00:19:46.000
I can get by new stuff. And I don't know

363
00:19:46.000 --> 00:19:48.039
where I'm going to even be wanting to live, so

364
00:19:48.160 --> 00:19:49.720
why would I want to keep it. I might not

365
00:19:49.720 --> 00:19:53.119
even want to live in London anymore. So I decided

366
00:19:53.119 --> 00:19:57.359
to minimalize everything in the beginning before I sold the house,

367
00:19:57.440 --> 00:20:01.599
and so I had three or four months or in ebaying,

368
00:20:02.200 --> 00:20:04.559
circulating the pictures of all the things in the house

369
00:20:04.599 --> 00:20:07.039
to bread and saying as a yard say, oh do

370
00:20:07.079 --> 00:20:08.400
you want to come and get some of this? Do

371
00:20:08.400 --> 00:20:10.599
you want any of these items? You know they're all

372
00:20:10.680 --> 00:20:14.160
up there, all available, And eventually it got rid of

373
00:20:14.160 --> 00:20:16.480
everything and just left myself with the bagger, clothes and

374
00:20:16.480 --> 00:20:20.000
the laptop, and it was it was immensely satisfying. I've

375
00:20:20.000 --> 00:20:23.599
got to say, I've felt so light because I'd reached

376
00:20:23.640 --> 00:20:26.160
the age of forty five, and my whole life had

377
00:20:26.200 --> 00:20:29.160
been about accumulating all that stuff that I just got

378
00:20:29.240 --> 00:20:31.880
rid of, and so now I was having like a

379
00:20:32.160 --> 00:20:37.200
complete experience of restart from zero, but with the wisdom

380
00:20:37.200 --> 00:20:40.200
and experience of my life in the bank and some

381
00:20:40.359 --> 00:20:43.200
money as well as well as wisdom you had to

382
00:20:43.799 --> 00:20:44.880
live from for a while.

383
00:20:46.000 --> 00:20:49.720
Well, you know, you talk about restarting, and I think

384
00:20:49.759 --> 00:20:54.000
about that a lot. How many people go through their

385
00:20:54.039 --> 00:20:59.599
lives with that living the life of someone else's expectations. Yes,

386
00:20:59.640 --> 00:21:02.640
And at what point in time, how are people able

387
00:21:02.720 --> 00:21:06.640
to come to that level of awareness that they actually

388
00:21:06.680 --> 00:21:10.519
realize that's what's going on and then get the courage

389
00:21:10.599 --> 00:21:13.240
to say, you know what, I'm going to go on

390
00:21:13.319 --> 00:21:16.359
a new adventure. I'm going to reset my life and

391
00:21:16.519 --> 00:21:18.839
find an adventure that really is for me.

392
00:21:19.720 --> 00:21:22.799
Yeah. I mean it's a great question. I can't say

393
00:21:22.839 --> 00:21:25.119
I've got a great answer because I don't know how

394
00:21:25.160 --> 00:21:27.599
it works for everyone else, So I only know how

395
00:21:27.599 --> 00:21:31.599
it worked for me. But I would encourage people to really,

396
00:21:32.720 --> 00:21:36.200
you know, go within and trust that in a voice.

397
00:21:36.200 --> 00:21:37.920
I mean, that's one of the big lessons for me

398
00:21:38.920 --> 00:21:43.759
that happened in the shift from being materialistically comfortable, affluent

399
00:21:43.880 --> 00:21:50.960
consumer living in London to being a minimalist, light, nomadic traveler,

400
00:21:51.319 --> 00:21:55.519
you know, being less tied. I started to trust my

401
00:21:55.599 --> 00:22:00.319
intuition massively and not my logical mind anymore, because I

402
00:22:00.400 --> 00:22:02.960
sort of, after a year or two, kind of almost

403
00:22:03.000 --> 00:22:07.480
deprogrammed myself on consumption. I had no compel compulsion to

404
00:22:07.519 --> 00:22:11.599
buy souvenirs or clothes or anything that I didn't essentially

405
00:22:11.640 --> 00:22:14.039
need to carry with me to keep the weight of

406
00:22:14.079 --> 00:22:17.640
my pack down. So I became really just down to

407
00:22:17.680 --> 00:22:20.720
what do I really actually truly need a toothbrush, some

408
00:22:20.799 --> 00:22:24.279
clothes and whatever it was, and a laptop to work

409
00:22:24.359 --> 00:22:30.160
from oran and that habit now it deeply ingrained in me.

410
00:22:30.279 --> 00:22:32.880
So I even though I lived back in the UK

411
00:22:32.960 --> 00:22:35.119
and I live on what looks like a more regular

412
00:22:35.160 --> 00:22:38.160
way of living, I still don't buy anything unless the

413
00:22:38.200 --> 00:22:40.640
item that I currently have for that purpose breaks or

414
00:22:40.680 --> 00:22:44.640
wears out. I just bought a new USB stick yesterday

415
00:22:44.640 --> 00:22:46.960
because the one I had broke, and that's it. That's

416
00:22:46.960 --> 00:22:47.759
one of the first.

417
00:22:47.559 --> 00:22:49.119
Things I bought. In months.

418
00:22:49.839 --> 00:22:52.240
I have been the same T shirts and clothes that

419
00:22:52.279 --> 00:22:56.720
I carried around in my pack so, oh, that.

420
00:22:57.759 --> 00:22:58.880
Is just fasciinating to me.

421
00:22:58.920 --> 00:23:01.680
And you know, as as you were being taught the dharma,

422
00:23:01.759 --> 00:23:03.720
as you know, as you were listening to that from

423
00:23:03.759 --> 00:23:07.640
the monk, did he get into this whole concept of

424
00:23:07.799 --> 00:23:13.359
suffering is cause because of our desires and and you know,

425
00:23:14.039 --> 00:23:16.480
I don't know that I've ever heard them refer to

426
00:23:16.519 --> 00:23:20.759
the ego. I read an interesting book by Ekartol talking

427
00:23:20.759 --> 00:23:23.319
about a New Earth where he talks about how that

428
00:23:23.440 --> 00:23:27.119
ego literally causes us to want this, to want that,

429
00:23:27.200 --> 00:23:31.319
to want this, to want that, to just appear more

430
00:23:31.359 --> 00:23:35.599
successful whatever that happens to be. Uh. I'd love for

431
00:23:35.680 --> 00:23:38.640
your thoughts on that as far as how do we

432
00:23:38.680 --> 00:23:40.920
get to the point where we realize that all of

433
00:23:40.960 --> 00:23:44.359
these things that we want in many respects and in

434
00:23:44.400 --> 00:23:48.079
most respects are just really an effect of that desire,

435
00:23:48.240 --> 00:23:51.039
that ego, and that there's a way to overcome that.

436
00:23:52.119 --> 00:23:55.359
Yeah, it's a really really good question. How I've come

437
00:23:55.400 --> 00:23:58.039
to understand it from all the teachings that I've been

438
00:23:59.000 --> 00:24:02.119
received from from a months over the years, is that

439
00:24:03.799 --> 00:24:08.039
we've all got a kind of a gap inside us.

440
00:24:08.160 --> 00:24:10.799
It's like it's like what Toller refers to as the

441
00:24:10.839 --> 00:24:14.240
pain body in his book. But basically, we're in pain

442
00:24:14.519 --> 00:24:18.319
because we feel our life is missing something, it's not complete.

443
00:24:18.400 --> 00:24:22.960
There's always something not quite right in our life. And

444
00:24:23.680 --> 00:24:27.880
because it's because it actually that that thing that's not

445
00:24:28.000 --> 00:24:31.200
right is within, is inside of us. It's it's it's

446
00:24:31.240 --> 00:24:33.640
coming through what the Buddhists would call ignorance. It's that

447
00:24:33.839 --> 00:24:37.160
just the failure to have the awareness and understanding of

448
00:24:37.160 --> 00:24:41.079
what's going on inside of our system. We think that

449
00:24:41.160 --> 00:24:45.720
we can fix that pain feeling by acquiring something or

450
00:24:45.759 --> 00:24:51.039
somebody or some something happening outside. Like we go, well,

451
00:24:51.039 --> 00:24:53.480
I'll be happy when I've gone shopping and bought some

452
00:24:53.519 --> 00:24:55.960
new clothes that will make me feel better. Or I'll

453
00:24:56.000 --> 00:24:58.319
be a much happier if I get a promotion at work,

454
00:24:58.440 --> 00:25:01.839
or I'll be happy when when the house is decorated

455
00:25:01.880 --> 00:25:06.240
and it looks nicer. Whatever it is, we somehow think

456
00:25:06.400 --> 00:25:09.160
if we do these things outside of ourselves, it will

457
00:25:09.200 --> 00:25:13.720
fix this emptiness inside ourselves. And so we do those

458
00:25:13.759 --> 00:25:17.440
things and then for a few minutes, it does temporarily

459
00:25:18.240 --> 00:25:21.039
address it. That's what they call the monks called it.

460
00:25:21.039 --> 00:25:25.079
You get some cessation of desire for a short period,

461
00:25:26.000 --> 00:25:30.680
But then what happens then is our mind then attributes

462
00:25:30.799 --> 00:25:33.920
our happiness to that thing that we've now consumed or had,

463
00:25:34.680 --> 00:25:38.359
and it says your mind starts saying, well, that's wearing off.

464
00:25:38.440 --> 00:25:40.599
Now what you're going to do when that wears off?

465
00:25:40.759 --> 00:25:43.880
Because the effect that's paring off, you better find something

466
00:25:43.880 --> 00:25:45.799
else to fill the gap that's going to be left

467
00:25:45.799 --> 00:25:48.839
when that thing wears off. And so your mind then

468
00:25:48.880 --> 00:25:51.680
starts focusing on the next thing that you need in

469
00:25:51.799 --> 00:25:54.440
order to build the gap. And that's the cycle, and

470
00:25:54.480 --> 00:25:58.559
it never ends, there's no ending to it. The ending

471
00:25:58.640 --> 00:26:02.720
is when you under a stand it that cycle from

472
00:26:02.759 --> 00:26:06.519
a deep place within yourself and except that that's what's

473
00:26:06.599 --> 00:26:10.759
running in your show, and you decide you don't want

474
00:26:10.759 --> 00:26:12.799
to live out of that cycle anymore. You want to

475
00:26:12.799 --> 00:26:16.240
live in a different way, from a different level of consciousness.

476
00:26:16.960 --> 00:26:20.759
And how as you talk about that deep you know, abyss,

477
00:26:20.799 --> 00:26:24.200
whatever it is within us that is causing that, Yeah,

478
00:26:24.559 --> 00:26:28.000
what has been your experience? Because I assume you've been

479
00:26:28.039 --> 00:26:31.960
able to actually minimize that and you know, I know

480
00:26:32.039 --> 00:26:35.759
it's an ongoing thing, but what were you able to

481
00:26:35.839 --> 00:26:39.599
do to minimize that to where that's not affecting you

482
00:26:39.759 --> 00:26:42.680
as heavily as perhaps it once was, or as it

483
00:26:42.680 --> 00:26:43.720
affects most of us.

484
00:26:44.920 --> 00:26:47.599
Yeah, for me, it's been a journey of a huge

485
00:26:47.640 --> 00:26:51.000
amount of non attachment, the practice of non attachment. Like

486
00:26:52.000 --> 00:26:55.440
I'd like this outcome to happen, but if it doesn't,

487
00:26:55.640 --> 00:27:00.279
I'll still be okay. You know, I'm okay. I'm always okay.

488
00:27:00.319 --> 00:27:03.519
This is an empowering belief. No matter what happens, I'll

489
00:27:03.519 --> 00:27:06.440
always be okay. If this happens, I'll be okay. If

490
00:27:06.440 --> 00:27:09.400
this happens, I'll be okay. So kind of having a

491
00:27:09.440 --> 00:27:14.640
non attachment perspective to what outcomes do come. So, for example,

492
00:27:14.680 --> 00:27:19.799
if I I'm trying to think of a recent example

493
00:27:19.839 --> 00:27:23.519
around that, you know, like I do some associate work

494
00:27:23.559 --> 00:27:26.759
for a company as a coach, and so if they

495
00:27:26.880 --> 00:27:30.440
win a contract and ask me if I'm available to

496
00:27:30.480 --> 00:27:32.400
do the work, I can say, yeah, I would be

497
00:27:32.400 --> 00:27:35.400
available on those dates. They may or may not choose me,

498
00:27:35.440 --> 00:27:37.759
they might choose someone else, and so I have to

499
00:27:37.799 --> 00:27:39.799
be okay if they do choose me or if they

500
00:27:39.799 --> 00:27:44.279
don't choose me. My happiness isn't dependent on them choosing

501
00:27:44.319 --> 00:27:47.039
me to be the person. And if it was, I'd

502
00:27:47.079 --> 00:27:50.759
be really in serious trouble because I'm basically appointing someone

503
00:27:50.799 --> 00:27:53.640
externally to me to run my happiness, you know, and

504
00:27:53.680 --> 00:27:54.880
that's not going to work.

505
00:27:55.880 --> 00:27:57.720
So how do you find your happiness?

506
00:27:58.640 --> 00:28:03.960
So happiness comes through literally non attachment and accepting of

507
00:28:04.319 --> 00:28:07.200
the way that life is flowing at any given moment. So,

508
00:28:07.680 --> 00:28:11.720
you know, I look at I take the view which is, ah,

509
00:28:12.160 --> 00:28:15.240
I didn't get that work. I accept that life is

510
00:28:15.279 --> 00:28:18.640
always guiding me to my highest potential, and I didn't

511
00:28:18.680 --> 00:28:22.480
get that work. So either something better is coming or

512
00:28:23.079 --> 00:28:25.599
life wants me to do something else which is more fulfilling.

513
00:28:27.640 --> 00:28:29.240
That's that's how I deal with it.

514
00:28:29.720 --> 00:28:32.759
And you talk about present time and what I have

515
00:28:32.839 --> 00:28:36.680
found as I've studied you know, the Buddhist culture is

516
00:28:37.039 --> 00:28:40.160
is he really talked about being in the present moment

517
00:28:40.759 --> 00:28:45.519
and forgetting about the past, which obviously causes most of

518
00:28:45.599 --> 00:28:49.799
us a lot of stress, either subconsciously or consciously. Don't

519
00:28:49.799 --> 00:28:53.039
worry about the future, although there has to be some

520
00:28:53.920 --> 00:28:59.039
element of proactivity about the future, but just live the present.

521
00:28:59.119 --> 00:29:01.799
What has been your experience and what did you learn

522
00:29:02.359 --> 00:29:04.000
as you went through that process.

523
00:29:05.400 --> 00:29:08.200
Wow, that's a great question. That is definitely one of

524
00:29:08.240 --> 00:29:12.880
the things that I've benefited from being able to integrate

525
00:29:12.920 --> 00:29:17.039
into my own system because when I was a businessman,

526
00:29:17.839 --> 00:29:22.079
I was so driven by my goals. We're going to

527
00:29:22.119 --> 00:29:24.960
achieve this so I can get to this point in

528
00:29:25.079 --> 00:29:30.119
future and be happy for this financial accomplishment, right, And

529
00:29:30.160 --> 00:29:32.599
so what I was doing was I was so driven.

530
00:29:32.759 --> 00:29:34.640
I mean not in a good way, but I was

531
00:29:34.720 --> 00:29:36.880
kind of pushing all the rest of my life out

532
00:29:36.920 --> 00:29:40.240
to the sides to be focus on the forward momentum

533
00:29:40.279 --> 00:29:44.319
towards this achievement and just really ignoring eighty percent of

534
00:29:44.359 --> 00:29:48.119
my life pushing it to the sides, So missing birthdays,

535
00:29:48.119 --> 00:29:51.799
missing events, not paying attention to key relationships my partner

536
00:29:51.839 --> 00:29:55.119
and my friends, and missing the things that you really

537
00:29:55.160 --> 00:29:58.279
can't buy with money and that are the real source

538
00:29:58.319 --> 00:30:02.680
of connection and the fulfillment and happiness in order to

539
00:30:02.720 --> 00:30:07.519
achieve something material, which I'm with delusional thinking as the

540
00:30:07.519 --> 00:30:10.880
police call, you actually believe that is what's going to

541
00:30:10.880 --> 00:30:13.680
deliver your happiness, But of course it's completely the opposite.

542
00:30:15.680 --> 00:30:18.200
And so I realized that. So without with the new

543
00:30:18.279 --> 00:30:22.359
understanding that I've managed to integrate, I'm now able to

544
00:30:22.799 --> 00:30:26.160
know what's truly valuable. So now I you know, I

545
00:30:26.200 --> 00:30:28.960
want to spend time with my friends, with my family,

546
00:30:29.039 --> 00:30:31.720
with my partner, and I don't want to do some

547
00:30:31.839 --> 00:30:33.799
of the things or be driven in the same way

548
00:30:33.799 --> 00:30:37.359
that I would have been ten fifteen years ago. And

549
00:30:37.400 --> 00:30:39.839
it's nothing's changed on the surface, because I still like

550
00:30:40.759 --> 00:30:43.279
spending money, I still like doing certain things, I like

551
00:30:43.319 --> 00:30:45.759
eating in nice places, et cetera. That those things are

552
00:30:45.839 --> 00:30:49.359
the same, but now I'm just so less attached to

553
00:30:49.400 --> 00:30:53.200
those things. As as a way of deriding being happy.

554
00:30:53.440 --> 00:30:56.119
Now I'm just happy if I go to bed at

555
00:30:56.200 --> 00:30:59.680
night thinking, did I show up in my best self

556
00:30:59.720 --> 00:31:05.359
today with my friends and family? Was I loving, caring, kind, compassion?

557
00:31:05.680 --> 00:31:10.160
Was I was I you know, of service to my community?

558
00:31:10.319 --> 00:31:12.599
And if I can say yes to those things, I

559
00:31:12.920 --> 00:31:17.240
feel deeply happy. It's not about what I own or

560
00:31:17.279 --> 00:31:20.480
how much I've spent or what I've consumed well.

561
00:31:20.519 --> 00:31:24.960
And it's interesting that you can approach purchasing things moving

562
00:31:25.039 --> 00:31:29.680
forward with a different mindset, with that mindset that I

563
00:31:29.680 --> 00:31:33.400
don't need it, but this will make my life more enjoyable.

564
00:31:33.759 --> 00:31:36.839
I'll have more fun today. But if you don't get it,

565
00:31:36.839 --> 00:31:39.519
it just doesn't make that much difference. Now you've written

566
00:31:39.559 --> 00:31:41.960
a book, You've written a book, let the audience know

567
00:31:42.039 --> 00:31:44.640
what your book is, and I know that you have

568
00:31:44.839 --> 00:31:48.000
six rules that you've written in your book about happiness.

569
00:31:48.160 --> 00:31:49.480
I love for you to share those.

570
00:31:49.839 --> 00:31:52.880
Yeah, I will, I will. I must say before I

571
00:31:53.240 --> 00:31:56.160
speak about the book makes me laugh because when I

572
00:31:56.240 --> 00:31:58.079
left in two thousand and five, I was just a

573
00:31:58.160 --> 00:32:02.720
broken guy, you know, try to heal himself from some catastrophe.

574
00:32:02.920 --> 00:32:05.880
I had no interest or intention of writing a book

575
00:32:05.880 --> 00:32:09.519
about the journey. I wasn't an author particularly, But as

576
00:32:09.559 --> 00:32:11.519
I met people, you know, in the monastery and on

577
00:32:11.640 --> 00:32:14.000
my travels and as a fundraiser, and everyone asked me

578
00:32:14.039 --> 00:32:16.599
why I'm doing everything, and I told them the story

579
00:32:16.599 --> 00:32:20.119
of what had happened and more stories about these different things.

580
00:32:20.440 --> 00:32:23.599
They all said to me afterwards, Ray, you know what,

581
00:32:23.759 --> 00:32:25.519
if you ever write a book about that, I'd really

582
00:32:25.519 --> 00:32:27.880
definitely want to read it. Could could you email me

583
00:32:27.920 --> 00:32:28.200
if you.

584
00:32:28.160 --> 00:32:29.920
Do, or something like that.

585
00:32:30.079 --> 00:32:32.039
And I got to about I kept saying, now, I'm

586
00:32:32.079 --> 00:32:33.400
never going to do that. I'm never going to do that.

587
00:32:33.440 --> 00:32:35.400
But I got to about fifty people who had asked

588
00:32:35.400 --> 00:32:38.480
me over three or four years, and then it became

589
00:32:38.480 --> 00:32:42.519
one hundred after five years, and I thought, gosh, I

590
00:32:42.559 --> 00:32:45.279
don't know the universe wants me to write a book. Obviously,

591
00:32:45.319 --> 00:32:48.519
I keep getting asked over and over and so eventually

592
00:32:49.000 --> 00:32:53.000
decided I would write the stories down and put them

593
00:32:53.039 --> 00:32:55.680
into a book. And that's how Life Without a Tie

594
00:32:55.720 --> 00:32:58.079
became born. This is the book.

595
00:32:58.720 --> 00:33:02.640
Okay, out a tie, and the tire is tie.

596
00:33:03.359 --> 00:33:05.279
Yes, it was life without a tie because at the

597
00:33:05.319 --> 00:33:07.799
time I left, I was a tie wearing.

598
00:33:09.200 --> 00:33:09.400
Suit.

599
00:33:09.519 --> 00:33:14.319
But it was also it seemed occurred to me through

600
00:33:14.359 --> 00:33:18.000
this journey that there are four ties that keep all

601
00:33:18.039 --> 00:33:20.680
of us living the life that others expect from us.

602
00:33:21.160 --> 00:33:26.119
And the ties that sort of tie us to society's structure,

603
00:33:26.160 --> 00:33:29.799
which is the tie to our partner or spouse, the

604
00:33:29.880 --> 00:33:33.920
tie to our career, the tie to our home, our

605
00:33:33.960 --> 00:33:38.039
physical home, and the tie to our friends and families.

606
00:33:39.640 --> 00:33:42.279
And those four ties, for me riple were like the

607
00:33:42.319 --> 00:33:45.160
four corners of a tent being pegged to the ground.

608
00:33:46.240 --> 00:33:49.000
And I think if you just people will tell you

609
00:33:49.039 --> 00:33:51.119
if just one of those ties gets removed, like you

610
00:33:51.200 --> 00:33:53.440
break up a relationship where you have a divorce, even

611
00:33:53.480 --> 00:33:56.880
if the other three remain, your life becomes slightly unstable

612
00:33:56.920 --> 00:33:58.960
for a while. If it's two. At the same time,

613
00:33:59.000 --> 00:34:03.440
it's now quite stable free out for It's like almost

614
00:34:03.519 --> 00:34:06.359
keeling over. What happened to me was all four of

615
00:34:06.400 --> 00:34:09.280
those ties got cut in one instance in the sense,

616
00:34:09.880 --> 00:34:12.800
and so I was sort of literally drifting into a

617
00:34:12.920 --> 00:34:15.519
completely new existence, which I had no idea what that

618
00:34:15.559 --> 00:34:18.880
would look like. And so I was really wanting to

619
00:34:19.079 --> 00:34:23.119
really describe the transition from being in a tiede life

620
00:34:23.119 --> 00:34:25.599
to an untied life. Now, my life's a bit more

621
00:34:25.639 --> 00:34:28.000
tied again. I've got a house now, and one or

622
00:34:28.000 --> 00:34:30.800
two things like that. But I went to the other

623
00:34:30.880 --> 00:34:33.840
extreme to see what life being untied would feel like,

624
00:34:33.920 --> 00:34:36.599
would like sound like. And I've so got a direct

625
00:34:36.639 --> 00:34:40.119
experience of that too. And so in the book I wrote,

626
00:34:40.199 --> 00:34:42.519
you know, I wrote as many examples as I could have,

627
00:34:43.000 --> 00:34:46.440
what i'd learned, what wisdom I'd gained, and some of

628
00:34:46.480 --> 00:34:49.719
the things that really struck me that come with that

629
00:34:49.840 --> 00:34:53.079
kind of experience of going through transitions like that.

630
00:34:53.840 --> 00:34:56.079
Well, and you know, you talk about Tyson as you

631
00:34:56.119 --> 00:34:58.440
say you're back in now with you know you've got

632
00:34:58.480 --> 00:35:00.920
your house. I assume you've got a relation and so

633
00:35:00.960 --> 00:35:05.519
on and so forth. And yet there's some advantages just

634
00:35:05.559 --> 00:35:08.760
to move away from that for a bit. So here's

635
00:35:08.800 --> 00:35:13.360
my question, because I think ties are necessary you know,

636
00:35:13.639 --> 00:35:17.039
and how do you get to the point where you

637
00:35:17.119 --> 00:35:20.840
approach those ties in a way that you still are

638
00:35:20.880 --> 00:35:25.440
not living someone else's life, that you're really experiencing your life,

639
00:35:25.599 --> 00:35:30.400
your joy, your happiness, your piece, and still experiencing some

640
00:35:30.480 --> 00:35:34.519
of those ties. How do you mindfully and mentally approach

641
00:35:34.599 --> 00:35:36.960
that in the right way based on your experience?

642
00:35:37.519 --> 00:35:40.360
Yeah, yeah, it's a great question. How it occurs to

643
00:35:40.400 --> 00:35:44.320
me that you do that is you apply some kind

644
00:35:44.360 --> 00:35:47.800
of rules to your life, and so, like the first

645
00:35:47.880 --> 00:35:49.760
rule in the six Rules of Happiness that I wrote

646
00:35:49.760 --> 00:35:54.280
in the book would be build a strong foundation or

647
00:35:54.440 --> 00:35:56.800
core within yourself so that what that would look like

648
00:35:56.840 --> 00:36:02.760
would be you spend time reflecting deeply and using your

649
00:36:03.079 --> 00:36:08.480
imagination and visualization to consider what is my vision for

650
00:36:08.559 --> 00:36:10.559
my life? Where am I actually trying to get to

651
00:36:11.599 --> 00:36:14.320
is What are my values? What are the things that

652
00:36:14.360 --> 00:36:16.840
are most important to me that if I don't feel

653
00:36:16.920 --> 00:36:20.840
every day, I'm not going to feel good about being aligned?

654
00:36:21.480 --> 00:36:24.159
What is my purpose for being here? Why do I

655
00:36:24.199 --> 00:36:27.079
do what I do? Why do I do? Why do

656
00:36:27.159 --> 00:36:29.039
I want to do? X?

657
00:36:29.760 --> 00:36:29.840
So?

658
00:36:30.079 --> 00:36:33.760
Values? Vision? Purpose? When am I in my element? This

659
00:36:33.880 --> 00:36:36.840
is a lovely term that Sir Ken Robinson a teacher

660
00:36:37.519 --> 00:36:40.400
came up with is an amazing man died about a

661
00:36:40.400 --> 00:36:43.400
couple of years ago, and he said, when you've got

662
00:36:43.440 --> 00:36:47.599
your strengths, what you're really naturally good at, and your passions,

663
00:36:47.639 --> 00:36:51.199
what you really care about, and where those two intersect,

664
00:36:51.559 --> 00:36:54.519
you are spending time in your element. You're doing what

665
00:36:54.559 --> 00:36:57.320
you're brilliant at and what you really care about. You said,

666
00:36:58.840 --> 00:37:00.840
people who are in that zone, and let's say, I

667
00:37:00.840 --> 00:37:03.519
don't even ever feel like i have a job. It's

668
00:37:03.559 --> 00:37:07.320
not work, even though I've made my job. I just

669
00:37:07.400 --> 00:37:09.360
love it. You know that they're really in their element,

670
00:37:09.519 --> 00:37:11.719
you know, of course, So how do you get to

671
00:37:11.719 --> 00:37:14.079
spend more time in your element.

672
00:37:14.119 --> 00:37:17.400
Whatever that is? And that's step number one, that's Stubb

673
00:37:17.519 --> 00:37:18.079
number two.

674
00:37:18.719 --> 00:37:22.679
Step number two would be to look at the extent

675
00:37:22.719 --> 00:37:25.960
to which you take full ownership for everything that happens

676
00:37:25.960 --> 00:37:29.679
in your life. Because one of the ways in which

677
00:37:29.840 --> 00:37:33.559
people leak away their power, if you want to put

678
00:37:33.559 --> 00:37:36.159
it in a better phrase, I can't think of one,

679
00:37:36.159 --> 00:37:37.719
but one of the ways that people leak away their

680
00:37:37.719 --> 00:37:44.159
power is through blaming others for what's happened, through waiting, hoping,

681
00:37:44.920 --> 00:37:49.000
making excuses that they can't do certain things, being at

682
00:37:49.000 --> 00:37:52.679
the effect of their limiting beliefs about things. So they're

683
00:37:52.719 --> 00:37:55.440
not taking one hundred percent ownership for what they do,

684
00:37:55.519 --> 00:37:59.920
what they choose, what they want, what they need. They're

685
00:38:00.519 --> 00:38:03.800
they're allowing life to do things to them.

686
00:38:04.239 --> 00:38:10.599
Yes, okay, number three, Wow, okay, So number three I'm

687
00:38:10.599 --> 00:38:12.519
going to have you go through all sex real quick.

688
00:38:12.679 --> 00:38:14.880
Yeah, okay, okay, So number three I'm just going to

689
00:38:14.920 --> 00:38:16.519
make sure I've got them in the right order. From

690
00:38:16.559 --> 00:38:24.159
the book. Number three would be to do with having

691
00:38:25.559 --> 00:38:28.400
becoming your own observer, is what I call it. And

692
00:38:28.440 --> 00:38:31.440
so this is the power, the power that is unique

693
00:38:31.440 --> 00:38:34.239
to human beings because no animals have this ability as

694
00:38:34.239 --> 00:38:38.039
far as I understand, human beings have this amazing ability

695
00:38:38.199 --> 00:38:44.079
through through consciousness to step out of oneself and be

696
00:38:44.280 --> 00:38:47.559
the observer of oneself. Like you and I. We can go, Oh,

697
00:38:47.599 --> 00:38:50.199
do you know what, Doug, I noticed, I'm having a

698
00:38:50.280 --> 00:38:54.440
thought about the weather outside. I noticed that I'm thinking

699
00:38:54.480 --> 00:38:55.159
about the weather.

700
00:38:55.760 --> 00:38:55.920
Yea.

701
00:38:56.400 --> 00:38:59.119
Now that's not me just telling you what the weather is,

702
00:38:59.159 --> 00:39:02.559
because that would me being in the thought. I'm actually

703
00:39:02.559 --> 00:39:06.840
stepping outside to a helicopter view and watching myself thinking

704
00:39:06.880 --> 00:39:11.239
about it. Yes, And what that does is it creates

705
00:39:11.239 --> 00:39:15.519
a separation from what we consider to be us, which

706
00:39:15.559 --> 00:39:19.079
is not really us. We are not the thoughts that

707
00:39:19.119 --> 00:39:23.239
we have. We are the consciousness that is aware of

708
00:39:23.320 --> 00:39:26.920
and noticing those thoughts. We're not the thoughts themselves. And

709
00:39:26.920 --> 00:39:29.719
this is a this is a kind of thinking that's

710
00:39:29.760 --> 00:39:34.440
not made clear when we are very small. We're conditioned

711
00:39:34.440 --> 00:39:37.880
to believe that we are a certain way, we think

712
00:39:37.920 --> 00:39:40.800
a certain way, and that is who we are. It's

713
00:39:40.880 --> 00:39:44.000
one of the most delusional thoughts that we hold as humans,

714
00:39:44.559 --> 00:39:47.320
because that takes away all the power that you have

715
00:39:47.400 --> 00:39:51.320
to choose different thoughts and to hang out with thoughts

716
00:39:51.320 --> 00:39:54.039
that are much more useful and productive in your life

717
00:39:54.079 --> 00:39:55.320
than the ones you do hang out.

718
00:39:55.880 --> 00:39:59.320
And I love that concept of stepping outside yourself and observing.

719
00:39:59.519 --> 00:40:01.400
All right, but that was number what three?

720
00:40:01.639 --> 00:40:02.440
That was number three?

721
00:40:02.519 --> 00:40:02.719
Yeah?

722
00:40:02.880 --> 00:40:08.639
Yeah, And so number four is what I call creating powerful,

723
00:40:08.760 --> 00:40:13.719
purposeful and sustainable relationships, you know. So what I mean

724
00:40:13.760 --> 00:40:17.119
by this is I look back at my life and

725
00:40:17.199 --> 00:40:19.159
all the things that have happened and all the luck

726
00:40:19.280 --> 00:40:22.159
that I've enjoyed where someone's come to me to offer

727
00:40:22.199 --> 00:40:25.320
me something I need without seemingly having a plan, And

728
00:40:25.320 --> 00:40:29.360
I call it luck. Serentipity, but then it's happening because

729
00:40:29.400 --> 00:40:34.800
I've invested in creating really deep connections in all the

730
00:40:34.840 --> 00:40:38.639
relationships I've had. Like a great example was when I

731
00:40:38.719 --> 00:40:40.920
left England in two thousand and five to go on

732
00:40:40.960 --> 00:40:44.760
this journey. I had to sell the company and hoose

733
00:40:44.840 --> 00:40:49.519
the business now, and I had a very young lady

734
00:40:49.559 --> 00:40:51.960
working in my team in her mid twenties who was

735
00:40:52.000 --> 00:40:53.719
going to be I could tell was going to be

736
00:40:53.719 --> 00:40:58.079
a future star, an amazingly bright and intelligent, capable woman,

737
00:40:58.800 --> 00:41:02.000
but young in and beginning her career. But I knew

738
00:41:02.000 --> 00:41:03.920
the right thing. She never asked me to do this,

739
00:41:04.039 --> 00:41:07.639
and I have a value around integrity, and I knew

740
00:41:07.679 --> 00:41:10.440
the right thing for her was to find her a

741
00:41:10.519 --> 00:41:13.639
really good job to move to before I went off

742
00:41:13.679 --> 00:41:15.440
on my travels. I just knew it was the right thing.

743
00:41:15.599 --> 00:41:17.760
She'd been really loyal to me and really helped me.

744
00:41:18.159 --> 00:41:19.239
So I went to her and I said, if I

745
00:41:19.280 --> 00:41:21.880
could help you get another position somewhere else in a

746
00:41:21.920 --> 00:41:24.599
similar company, would you be would you want that, you know,

747
00:41:24.679 --> 00:41:27.000
because I'm really happy to try it, And she said, yeah,

748
00:41:27.000 --> 00:41:29.199
that would be great. So I went to one of

749
00:41:29.199 --> 00:41:32.039
our rivals, a competitor, and I knew the owners. We

750
00:41:32.039 --> 00:41:34.519
were sort of friends, even though we were rivals, and

751
00:41:34.559 --> 00:41:37.559
I told them about this lady and said, she's been

752
00:41:37.559 --> 00:41:40.719
our highest performing person. She's brilliant, so I think she's

753
00:41:40.719 --> 00:41:42.960
got a really bright future, you know. And if you

754
00:41:42.960 --> 00:41:44.960
don't mind me saying I think you'd be crazy not

755
00:41:45.039 --> 00:41:47.320
to hire her, you won't regret it, I promise you.

756
00:41:47.840 --> 00:41:51.320
And so they did. They hired her, and it worked

757
00:41:51.320 --> 00:41:55.039
out brilliantly. They were absolutely thrilled. Obviously, my friend who

758
00:41:55.119 --> 00:41:57.360
got the job was thrilled, but they were also thrilled

759
00:41:57.360 --> 00:42:00.239
with all the value she bought. And she was for

760
00:42:00.280 --> 00:42:02.960
ten years and grew into a woman and became very

761
00:42:03.239 --> 00:42:06.320
astute as a businesswoman and everything. And then I lost

762
00:42:06.360 --> 00:42:09.239
touch with her because I was away for a long time.

763
00:42:09.280 --> 00:42:11.920
But after thirteen years of being away, I had a

764
00:42:11.960 --> 00:42:17.119
reason to call her, and I said to her, you know,

765
00:42:17.239 --> 00:42:19.159
I'm just calling just to see how you're doing. Because

766
00:42:19.159 --> 00:42:22.760
she'd got marriage, she had two kids. Now she now

767
00:42:22.840 --> 00:42:26.199
was in an early forties, a grown woman, and she

768
00:42:26.239 --> 00:42:27.840
told me all about her life and I listened, and

769
00:42:27.880 --> 00:42:30.320
I was sort of deeply happy it worked out there.

770
00:42:31.079 --> 00:42:33.920
And there's a at the end of that conversation. I said, oh,

771
00:42:33.960 --> 00:42:35.400
I forgot to ask you. I said, what are you

772
00:42:35.440 --> 00:42:38.639
doing for work professionally? She said, oh, I've been working

773
00:42:38.679 --> 00:42:40.960
with this company for the last ten years, but it's

774
00:42:41.039 --> 00:42:43.800
now been sold to a much bigger organization and so

775
00:42:43.840 --> 00:42:48.760
I don't want to be involved without any further And

776
00:42:48.840 --> 00:42:52.079
so me and the other lady who founded the company,

777
00:42:52.119 --> 00:42:54.719
we're thinking of building a new business. You know, this

778
00:42:54.760 --> 00:42:57.400
is she described the idea. She told me what it

779
00:42:57.400 --> 00:42:59.960
would do. It was to serve emerging leaders and give

780
00:43:00.079 --> 00:43:03.239
them some coaching support and skills that they would need.

781
00:43:04.400 --> 00:43:06.159
And she described it to me and I just had

782
00:43:06.159 --> 00:43:09.480
this strong resonance throughout my body. She was talking. And

783
00:43:09.760 --> 00:43:11.920
at this time I was living in Poland, in Warsaw,

784
00:43:11.960 --> 00:43:15.000
in Poland, and I knew I could easily fly back

785
00:43:15.039 --> 00:43:17.599
to London and be engaged with that kind of work

786
00:43:17.639 --> 00:43:19.880
if I needed to. I wanted to, So I said

787
00:43:19.920 --> 00:43:22.119
to her, you know, I'd love to be a coach

788
00:43:22.199 --> 00:43:25.199
on the team, if you're putting a team together. And

789
00:43:25.199 --> 00:43:27.159
she said, oh, that would be interesting because I was

790
00:43:27.360 --> 00:43:29.559
you were my boss for ten years and now i'd

791
00:43:29.559 --> 00:43:32.239
be your boss. How would that feel? I said, honestly,

792
00:43:32.280 --> 00:43:34.159
I have no pride about that. I will be fine

793
00:43:34.159 --> 00:43:37.239
with that and she said, okay, I'll bear it in mind.

794
00:43:37.239 --> 00:43:39.400
And then when they launched the company, they called me

795
00:43:39.440 --> 00:43:42.039
and said you're on the team. We want you in

796
00:43:42.079 --> 00:43:45.119
this first cohort in London. And I've been working with

797
00:43:45.159 --> 00:43:47.679
Emma's and associate ever since and I'm now, you know,

798
00:43:48.119 --> 00:43:50.559
an integral part of the team. And I love my

799
00:43:50.719 --> 00:43:53.360
work with that company and they loved having me on

800
00:43:53.400 --> 00:43:55.639
the team. And so it's been that's pure. That's the

801
00:43:55.679 --> 00:43:56.880
sort of stuff I'm talking about.

802
00:43:57.559 --> 00:44:01.440
Well, and then that's wonderful and the other ones.

803
00:44:01.519 --> 00:44:03.599
I want the audience to get your book to find

804
00:44:03.599 --> 00:44:07.679
out what they are, because obviously we're running out of time.

805
00:44:09.079 --> 00:44:12.760
I talk forever, Doug, because yeah, they're all six are

806
00:44:12.800 --> 00:44:14.960
in the book. They're all described in the in the

807
00:44:15.000 --> 00:44:17.119
back in the final chapter of the book, the six.

808
00:44:17.519 --> 00:44:18.760
Yeah, life without a Tire.

809
00:44:18.920 --> 00:44:21.679
So so as you as you think about what your

810
00:44:21.719 --> 00:44:24.679
experience has been and if there was something you could

811
00:44:24.760 --> 00:44:27.719
say to the people that are listening today that might

812
00:44:27.719 --> 00:44:30.679
make a difference in their lives, what would that be.

813
00:44:32.280 --> 00:44:37.679
The one thing I would definitely say is spend time

814
00:44:38.199 --> 00:44:42.639
considering what your path looks like, what your vision of

815
00:44:42.719 --> 00:44:43.679
life looks.

816
00:44:43.440 --> 00:44:43.760
Like for you.

817
00:44:44.119 --> 00:44:46.360
It doesn't need to be the same as anyone else's.

818
00:44:46.840 --> 00:44:49.199
In fact, the more original it is, perhaps even the

819
00:44:49.239 --> 00:44:52.480
more feeling it could be. But that would be my

820
00:44:52.599 --> 00:44:57.360
encouragement because if you can identify that and tap into

821
00:44:57.400 --> 00:44:59.599
what that is, looks like and feels like, and then

822
00:44:59.639 --> 00:45:03.079
start taking the little step by step by step towards

823
00:45:03.119 --> 00:45:09.199
that vision, life just reconfigures itself in a way that

824
00:45:09.280 --> 00:45:12.480
I can never explain, but it will start to bring

825
00:45:12.519 --> 00:45:14.920
to you the people, places and things that you need

826
00:45:15.840 --> 00:45:16.920
to have that manipest.

827
00:45:17.559 --> 00:45:18.880
Oh, and I love that, you know.

828
00:45:19.639 --> 00:45:22.960
I talk about adventure and I talk, you know, to

829
00:45:23.039 --> 00:45:25.760
my kids and to other people saying, you know, life

830
00:45:25.880 --> 00:45:28.760
is an adventure, and it is when you find yourself

831
00:45:29.639 --> 00:45:34.800
not enjoying life, it's time for a new adventure, and particularly,

832
00:45:34.840 --> 00:45:37.000
as you say, one where you really start to do

833
00:45:37.039 --> 00:45:40.960
that introspective work, the meditation, all of those types of things,

834
00:45:41.000 --> 00:45:45.039
because I don't think people understand the reality of what

835
00:45:45.239 --> 00:45:48.000
is inside of them, the goodness that exists there, the

836
00:45:48.119 --> 00:45:51.719
intelligence that exists there, and if they can just tap

837
00:45:51.760 --> 00:45:56.320
into it, they will gain inspiration and guidance from inside.

838
00:45:56.559 --> 00:46:00.440
That is going to make an entirely difference effect in

839
00:46:00.440 --> 00:46:00.960
their lives.

840
00:46:01.159 --> 00:46:04.519
Yeah, exactly, exactly. You've got it. You've nailed it well.

841
00:46:04.760 --> 00:46:07.039
Ray, Hey, thanks so much for being on the show.

842
00:46:07.079 --> 00:46:08.760
I really appreciated that.

843
00:46:08.800 --> 00:46:11.400
This has been great folks. Thanks for listening. I hope

844
00:46:11.440 --> 00:46:13.920
you enjoyed it. Get a hold of that book. I

845
00:46:13.960 --> 00:46:17.559
think you'll find it worthwhile. And your website, what's your website?

846
00:46:18.119 --> 00:46:20.119
Life without a Tie dot com?

847
00:46:20.519 --> 00:46:24.119
Okay, life without a tie dot com. So, folks, thanks,

848
00:46:24.159 --> 00:46:26.320
have a great week. This is a doctor Doug saying,

849
00:46:26.599 --> 00:46:29.719
Noma stay Thanks