Dec. 16, 2024

Life Mastery - Living Life by Design, not by Default

Life Mastery - Living Life by Design, not by Default

Imposter Syndrome. Something that we all experience to some degree in our lives where we feel unworthy to be successful in business or life, or where we are living the life society has told us to live.
Mark Collins has written about this and helped...

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Imposter Syndrome. Something that we all experience to some degree in our lives where we feel unworthy to be successful in business or life, or where we are living the life society has told us to live.
Mark Collins has written about this and helped many to overcome and live a life of genuineness and joy.
https://freedom-for-life.net

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This program is designed to provide general information with regards

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to the subject matters covered. This information is given with

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the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station

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are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,

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legal counseling, professional service, or any advice.

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You should seek the services.

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Of competent professionals before applying or trying any suggested ideas.

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At the end of the day, it's not about what

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you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what

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you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up,

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who you've made better. It's about what you've given back.

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Thanzel Washington, Welcome to Inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is

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to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you

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to do the same.

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Mark Collins, Welcome to the show.

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Thanks so much, doctor Doug. I'm excited to have the

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conversation with you.

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Hey, and I appreciate it. Like like you and I

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were talking before we started the recording. You know, I'm

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it's nine pm here and at six am there, so

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we both kind of changed our time schedule to make

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sure this could happen. So I do appreciate you coming

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on so early. You know, we're going to talk about

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some really interesting things, and what I'd love for you

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to do is kind of share with the audience how

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you got to this purpose of doing what you're doing

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at this point in time and helping other people.

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Yeah, I appreciate the question. You know, I think for

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any of us, and I don't want to make the assumption,

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but in many cases, our journey to help other people

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comes from our own journey to help ourselves. And for me,

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it was doing that. It was trying to figure out

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how I can, as I say, with the people that

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I work with, unleash my hero and hiding the person

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that I believe I could be that wasn't necessarily showing up,

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whether it was pure failure or imposter sind them or whatever,

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dealing with the things that were kind of standing in

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the way that were limiting me, limiting beliefs and thought processes.

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And so for me, it really came from that place

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of trying to figure out how do I unleash that man,

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then with confidence, with assurance, with the abilities to actually

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show up fully completely without fear of failure, coming along

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for the ride. So that was my start in my

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journey and then from there doctor Doug, as you probably

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are doing as well. Anytime you find something amazing in

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your life, you want to share it with everybody you know.

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So for me, it was really trying to figure out

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how do I create a way for people to actually

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walk in that journey as well to take the shortcuts

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to the long path that I was walking on to

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get to the place of what I call freedom.

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So how long have you been doing this.

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As an official kind of fully encapsulated process, Probably ten

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twelve years wow. Worked with over five hundred people. And

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this you know, of course the Court's Life Mastery in

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my book Life Mastery, Living Life by Designer are the

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resources I use to help people in that journey.

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And what were you doing before that.

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Living life? I was a business owner. My wife and

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I had a business that we sold, you know, working

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in the corporate sphere as well, just kind of doing

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the normal things of life. Just trying to kind of

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successful way towards freedom is what I tell people, right,

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But come to find out, you can't do that. Success

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is a great thing in being able to accomplish things

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in your life, but you don't necessarily leave those insecurities,

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those worries, those negative thought processes behind when you get there.

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And it isn't interesting how you know, and I have

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the same experience how we go through life and we

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have certain things that we're going to do. We feel

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like we're going to be successful in that, and we are,

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and then all of a sudden, at some point in time,

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something happens that causes us to kind of make a

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change in direction, and all of a sudden, like what

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you're doing now is really making a difference in people's lives.

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Was there an aha moment for you or was it

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just kind of a gradual thing that you ultimately made

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that change.

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That's a great question, doctor Doug. I think I think

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it's actually a little bit of both. There's a journey,

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of course, in trying to grab personal development of books.

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You know, I think I've read everything that was out

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there because I really wanted to find those resources, and

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a lot of them they just brought They were habit

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modification or habit adaption versus transformation. And so I'd find

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myself trying to do these things, these tasks and issues,

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you know, trying to create you know, the mantras that

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I was supposed to and you know, and block out

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the negative mindsets and those things. And I was kind of,

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you know, like that hamster in that hamster wheel, just

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continually doing great and then something happened, doing wonderful. Then

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something happened and things fell apart. But if you want

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to just talk about a NAHA moment for me, just

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to be totally honest, there was a time our youngest

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daughter is twenty six, and two years before she was born,

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my wife and I were expecting twins and unfortunately they

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passed away at five and a half months, and it

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was really for me, it was at ANAHA moment. It

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was a pivotal moment of walking through the grief of

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my daughters and finding that these that I was doing,

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the habit modifications, didn't change me. They didn't change the hurt,

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the pain, the grief, the issues. I was trying to

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mask the insecurities and the issues and trying to beat

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them up with you know, those positive thoughts in those

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mantras that you use, those affirmations that you try and use.

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But I wasn't changing. I was in any different And

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so it was kind of an interesting circumstance where in

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their loss there was some things I had to walk

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through grief in all of the things that you do

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in that process. But in that place, I was finally

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tired of just doing the same old thing of doing

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a modification, and in that place tried to be better.

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And so I wanted to just show up as me,

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and in that place started to unpack what it looked

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like to walk in transformation, not necessarily maintain habits to

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try and stop the negative thoughts.

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Yeah, and it's interesting how as we experience those type

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of traumas in our lives, and I think everybody does theirs.

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I mean, that's part of why we're here and what

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we experience. And yet there are those that allow them

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to push them into a victim mentality. And there are

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those such as yourself, who had that experience and it

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actually took you and moved you in an entirely different

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direction that has become a very positive direction for you.

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And I love that, you know. And I know one

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of the things you had mentioned just the word, and

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we're going to talk about it a little bit, is

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the impost syndrome. And you know, I think there's a

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lot of definitions. As I looked at the definition, I

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thought Wow, that's not the definition I've used before, and

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I actually have been writing some things and I came

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in with an imposter syndrome from a different perspective, but

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from your perspective for the audience, because we're going to

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talk about this a lot. What is an impostor syndrome?

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You're an impostor, yeah, imposter syndrome.

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Yeah, that's a great question. You know, for the people

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that I work with in myself and my own life

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are really the basic version is this, you feel unqualified

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for the role that you're in, whatever that is, if

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you're in the boardroom trying to you know, talk to

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somebody at a sea level, or you're an entrepreneur trying

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to succeed or even start a business, or even in

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relationship where you feel like you're not doing well in

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your marriage and you're feeling like you're you know, basically,

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it comes down to a value statement. The people that

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I work with, it really it's not about the role

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or the position or the thing that you're striving for.

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It's what the challenge says about you. And so for

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all of the people that we work with, imposter sent

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them really is a value statement that basically says this,

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I'm not good enough to succeed here. I'm not good

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enough to be in this role or this position, or

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have this title or whatever the thing is.

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And yet they're pretending, in other words, they are living

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that role, and yet consciously, subconsciously, they're saying to themselves,

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I'm really not able to do that, you know. And

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I think that's so I could the other one that

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I look at, and I think I got into this

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when I was doing more behavioral work with people and

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using some personality profiling and talked about the fact that

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you know, we really, in my opinion, and we have

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three different types of personalities. We've got that innate personality

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who we really were born to be. It's our spirit

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who we are. Then we have that social personality, which

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is the personality of having to be what the environment,

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what the family, what the religion, what society tells us

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we need to be. And then ultimately there's a conscious

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one where we are achieving some things correctly. But to me,

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that social personality is the imposter syndrome, where we're literally

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living a life that we believe we have to live

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when it's not really who we are. We're just meeting

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the expectations of everybody else. Yeah.

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No, that's a great point. And I think in that

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is this you, the one who's already Natee, but this

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hope of that I can be that person. And I

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think there's this kind of duality of struggle in the

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person that I am trying to portray that I wish

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I am, but I've got these negative thought patterns that

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are sabotaging what I'm doing. And I love what you

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say about that innate one, because that's actually the goal

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of what we're doing. We talk about identity and life mastery,

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and it is living from who you're created to be,

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not where your life has told you. And in that

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place there's I think the social and the in eight

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we could unpack that a little bit as well, where

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the social is really what my life has told me.

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I'm either trying to overcome or I'm actually affirming through

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my decisions, my actions, and my goals. But there's that

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innate one, that part of who you were created to be,

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that's apart from what your past was and the struggles

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and challenges and experiences you've walked through. And so the

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challenge for us, at least in our program and where

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we have strategies and tools is starting to unpack that

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person that you were created to be and starting to

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silence the social you, the person you think you have

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to be to measure up well.

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And you know, it's so fascinating. As I said, I'm

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kind of doing a little bit of writing right now,

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and I'm writing a little bit about this, about how,

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you know, we really need to be aware of all

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of this type of thing that we're going to talk about.

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And as I was going through that, I thought, you

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know what, there's one thing that I'm missing here, and

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that is helping people to understand that innate goodness and

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light that exists within each one of us. And I

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think now, as I read your bio, I think you

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have a little bit of background. You're involved a little

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bit in Christianity, right, yeah, absolutely, okay, And you know

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it's interesting that so often people have this whole mentality

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and have been taught that you know, you were born bad,

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you have inherited this badness within you, and yet the

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reality is, if we really look at it carefully, is

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that literally that light exists within each one of us,

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that goodness exists within each one of us, and so

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often we don't really understand that. And how important do

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you feel that is? Is you work with people, how

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important is it for them to get to the point

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where as they're starting to look at all that negativity

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and the negative triggers and all those things that have

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been going on in their life, that they can get

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past that for a minute and realize the innate goodness

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that lies within them.

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Now, I think that's really good, because that's actually that's

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the that's the first core battle is understanding that you're

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more than your past, You're more than your issues, your struggles,

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your challenges, and understanding that there is an innate value

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in who you are. And so for us, I mean,

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if you want to pack unpack it. With Christianity, it's

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one of the major themes of my life is trying

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to enlighten people that while we have challenges in Christianity,

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we call it sin right, your sin, your struggles, your

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issues that you're walking through, and it doesn't mean any

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of those are good or you're minimizing them both. There's

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this truth that if if there is a God, and

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I believe there is, and if he did create and

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I believe he has, then a good God doesn't create

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a bad thing. And so this this you know, well,

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there's they call it in Christianity to send nature at

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the core of who you are, who you were created

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to be. Isn't a person who sins, isn't a person

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who's bad, isn't a person who's less than but somebody

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who has innate, unique, specific value and impact in the world.

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So that's the that's the biggest challenge, but also the

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most wonderful breakthrough is when people start to understand, all, well,

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there's there is more for me, and you know, kind

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of like with me, doctor Doug. To be totally honest,

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it was the thing that drove me through all of

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those circumstances and personal development and walking through grief and

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then creating what I can believe is in a complete

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transformational strategy with life mastering. There was this innate understanding

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that there is more for me than where I was

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at and refusing to give up on that and believing

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that there was hope for me to show up as

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that person was really what drove me. And it's the

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fire that I want to lighten front inside of every

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person to say, hey, you're not wrong, you just have

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maybe the wrong strategies among thought processes, the wrong tools

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that you're using to really be able to see that

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innate person show up.

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And you know, I think all of us experiences. I

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even this morning and I was meditating and thought, you

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know what, I need to call one of my brothers

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and talk about, you know what, what is the purpose?

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You know, why am I here? A type of thing?

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And I think that we all go through that at

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some point in times to some degree where we sit

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back and think, why am I here? What is my purpose?

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And you know, you talk about it as unleashing your identity,

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but you know, if if we really believe and I

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believe it's true that we were created with a purpose here, yeah,

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how do you get to that truth? How do you

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get to that understanding of what your purpose is so

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that then you can start to move in that direction?

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What's been your experience?

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I love that question because it's it's as you already know,

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it's pretty common that everybody wants to know. You know,

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I feel like I have some value, some impact that

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I'm supposed to have. What is it? And the thing

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that I do with the people I work with is

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first start and unpacked what you do from who you

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are and for us I want to tell people is

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you're either living from who you're created to be or

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what your world has told you. And when the world

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has told me a certain thing, you're not good enough,

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or you're not good until you succeed, or you won't

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be valuable to you do this, your purpose becomes the

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thing I do, and I'm not good and I'm not

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valued and I don't have worth until I get that

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thing that I'm supposed to have. And so what I

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unpack is you apart from your things. There's a chapter

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in my book, the book Life Master, You're living life

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by design, not by default, and the title gives away

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the whole chapter, and it says your characters you're calling.

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And so what we unpack there is understanding identity. Who

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you're created to be is the crux, the foundation of

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everything that you do. Many times we look for our

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title and our role and our position and power and

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those things that we do to define who we are.

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And what I tell the people I work with is

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who you are creates your activities, your accomplishments, the things

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you do. Your accomplishments don't create you. And so in

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that place, when you start to look at purpose. What

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we try and do is unpack character because it's not

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your skill set, it's not your accomplishments, it's not your

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dollar signs behind your name, it's not the things that

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you do or even the titles you have. It's who

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you are that makes the difference. Certainly, there's skill sets,

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and there's ideas, and there's education that we do, and

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all those things have value, but they don't overcome the

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fact of who you are. If I don't show up

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as who I am, but I try and pretend who

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I am through my titles, then I won't really become

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in the authentic person that I'm created to be, and

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so my purpose won't be revealed. And what I find,

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doctor Doug, with the people I work with, is the

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more I start to unpack who I am, the more

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I understand that my identity is apart from my accomplishments.

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I accomplish those things because of who I am, not

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to prove who I am when I walk in that place.

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Now all of a sudden, when I'm in that business,

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or have that job, or in that role in my

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community or within my civicer religious organization, now, all of

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a sudden, because I know who I am, I know

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the impact I'm supposed to have, and one leads to

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the next until you start to find out I have

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this track record of investing and impacting those things around me,

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and you start to see that your purposes you lived out,

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not a title that you attain well.

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And you know, it's really fascinating as you talk about that,

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because how many of us and I think we all

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experienced this at some point in time where we look

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at what we society tell us is success and you know,

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I want I want to drive that portia in my case,

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or I want to I want to do this, I

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want to have that, you know, I want to have

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the nice house, so on and so forth. And Eckhart

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talks about this as far as then he applies it

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as the ego that as we as we desire these things,

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and then Buddha, which you know, I'm in Thailand now,

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so I've enjoyed learning a little bit about that. You know,

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he talks about those desires causes innate suffering, and you know,

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and for him, the point was get to the point

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where you're no longer experiencing the suffering. And the only

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way to do that, as you say, is to get

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to the point where those things are not important. And

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I love what you're saying about the fact that becoming

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being you know, I've talked about this before and I'm

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not going to use the example right now, but talk

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about the fact that do you do what you do

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so that you can become what you want to become?

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Or do you do what you do because you already

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have become? And I think it's a little bit on

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both sides, but I think you hit its really on

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the head. Your activities, what you're doing is based on

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who you are.

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Yeah, absolutely, and so what I what I received when

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I accomplish those positions in a portion is a great car.

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I love Lamborghini's as well. It's not that position possessions

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are innately wrong. It's that when I use them as

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a substitute or an identity marker, then all of a

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sudden it becomes an empty vessel meaning this. I know people,

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you know, we've had people who are multi millionaires in

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our program have amazing success at all sorts of levels.

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The challenge is when I'm using what I have as

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an identifying of who I am, the success lasts, and

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the enjoy and the fun and the excitement lasts for

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about ten minutes and then you have to do it again.

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And so that's where it burnout happens. And that's where

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people kind of you know, take negative outcomes in their

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life and they stop doing things that really have an

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impact because they found in them an emptiness because it

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didn't substitute for this feeling of worth. But when I

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come from this place of worthiness, when I come from

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this place of identity who I'm created to be, now,

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all of a sudden, the outcome is the possession, the position,

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the title I'm not chasing, the title I'm releasing who

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I am. Like I talked about the tell of one

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of our chapters, unleashing your ear on hiding, when that

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hero shows up, when the person I'm the innate person,

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like you'd said, shows up, and all of a sudden,

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those outcomes are those accomplishments and things. There's a difference

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between the two. To one is a great satisfaction and

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joy and fulfillment. The other one is a momentary success

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that I have to replicate to just become good enough.

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Well exactly. And you know you've titled it life mastery.

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What concept that you have for life mastery and while

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you name your book that, how do you define that

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idea and how's it different from all these other personal

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development methods that we talk about and that I've talked

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about on my show for years.

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Yeah, that's a great question. I think life mastery for

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me as a Christian, it comes from a biblical perspective.

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In the first chapter of the Bible Genesis, there's this

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time when the Word says that God, God, Jesus, in

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the Holy Spirit, we're together, and he says, let us

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make man outer image and our likeness and let them

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have dominion overall creation says the birds are there, the

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fish of the sea, and it goes on after that, well,

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that we're dominion to dominate. There's a sub synonym for itant,

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it's to master or to have mastery, and so for us,

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it's returning to your original mandate of having mastery over creation,

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it says in the Word of God. But the interesting

403
00:20:03.960 --> 00:20:05.960
thing that I find out with the people I work

404
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with in my own life as well, I can't master

405
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my world around me if I can't master myself. And

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so for us it's never an outward journey, but an

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inward focus of saying, okay, well, how do I master myself.

408
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How do I live up to the created value day

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and eate value of who I am and in that

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place being able to have the life that I've desired,

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not having burnout, not having success at last a moment,

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not having income and all these things, but having parts

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of my life that are a disaster, but having the fulfilling, complete,

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amazing life the impact you're supposed to have. I tell people,

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there's an impact in the world that has your name

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on it. And in that place when you show upas

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who you are, when you live from that place of

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maximum value and life mastery, then that impact is exactly

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what the world needs. That thing, that that passion that's

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on the inside that you know, those places where you're

421
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you're so fulfilled, you just start focused and you lose

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trek of time and you don't eat meals because you

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know this is exactly who I'm created to be. That's

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what the focus is for us. And how's life mastery different? Well,

425
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at least in my own experience, when I walked through

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a lot of personal development programs, many of them were

427
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habit modification instead of transformation. They brought change, and so

428
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you know, you deal with fear by the right mantras,

429
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the right affirmations, and those tools, you know, those things

430
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that you do, those exercises that you walk through, and

431
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those never really worked for me because in many cases

432
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they were either habit modification. And the challenge with that

433
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is the habit I used to get there, is that

434
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habit I used I have to maintain to stay there.

435
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And in that place, there's no sense of freedom, there's

436
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no sense of transformation. It's just me working the program

437
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long enough so that I keep those things away that

438
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are stopping me from the success I want. And at

439
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the end of the day, that leads to what I

440
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consider the worst possibility, which is exhaustion, not transformation. And

441
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the other challenge was with many of the programs that

442
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I was involved in. While they brought change and had value,

443
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the challenge was there was this under and that you

444
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have this idealized version of the person you're created to be.

445
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Many times it was the person who's the author or

446
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the program developer or whoever it is. And so really

447
00:22:09.400 --> 00:22:11.359
it came down to, well, if you want to be

448
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awesome like me, do the things that I'm doing, and

449
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eventually you'll have the things that I have. And again,

450
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for me, there was this understanding that while I'm not you,

451
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and so while I strive to imitate you so I

452
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can be like you when I get to the end

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of it, really all I'm doing is earning second place,

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because there's an original and then there's the copies and

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that place there's no fulfillment. There's just again habits that

456
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I use to try and keep fear and failure away

457
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and try and get success to overcome it. So where

458
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does life master come in. While we start with that

459
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thing that you talked about. I love the word that

460
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you used innate for us. We call it identity who

461
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you were created to being what your life has told

462
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you are. And so we use some tools and strategies

463
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to unpack that help you to kind of have some

464
00:22:53.920 --> 00:22:57.480
revelation of the person you're created to be, separated from

465
00:22:57.480 --> 00:23:01.400
your experiences, separated from your accomplishments. And in that place,

466
00:23:02.279 --> 00:23:05.599
it's not an idealized version of somebody else. It's saying, Okay,

467
00:23:06.039 --> 00:23:08.359
so if this is who you're created to be, what's

468
00:23:08.400 --> 00:23:10.880
the life that you're created for. What's the maximum level

469
00:23:10.880 --> 00:23:13.200
of life? We call it the life mastery life? What

470
00:23:13.240 --> 00:23:16.240
does that person look like? So in that place you're

471
00:23:16.240 --> 00:23:19.480
not striving for somebody else's version of success. You're saying,

472
00:23:19.519 --> 00:23:23.119
what's the thing that brings fulfillment to me in every

473
00:23:23.160 --> 00:23:24.039
area of my life?

474
00:23:24.880 --> 00:23:28.519
Well, and you talk about affirmations, and as you talked about,

475
00:23:29.000 --> 00:23:32.359
you know, with a little bit of a negative connotation

476
00:23:32.960 --> 00:23:37.599
to that, And yet what I have found is, in fact,

477
00:23:37.720 --> 00:23:40.559
when I was going through some courses with personal development,

478
00:23:41.039 --> 00:23:44.640
one of the things we talked about is affirmations. If

479
00:23:45.160 --> 00:23:47.960
you use an affirmation that you really in your mind

480
00:23:47.960 --> 00:23:50.799
don't believe there's not going to be any effect. If

481
00:23:50.880 --> 00:23:53.559
you use an affirmation and worded in a way that

482
00:23:53.640 --> 00:23:57.039
there's actually that faith and belief that that's going to happen,

483
00:23:57.880 --> 00:24:01.880
that can make a difference in somebody's life. So what

484
00:24:01.920 --> 00:24:04.200
are your thoughts? What are your thoughts about that? Well,

485
00:24:04.240 --> 00:24:05.880
let me get back to another question then we'll get

486
00:24:05.920 --> 00:24:07.720
back to that. I just want to make a comment

487
00:24:07.759 --> 00:24:11.319
on that. As people are really seeking to understand who

488
00:24:11.359 --> 00:24:15.200
they are, their purpose, how important is it to really

489
00:24:15.319 --> 00:24:20.079
identify what their values are and how do they do that?

490
00:24:20.240 --> 00:24:22.960
Because again, as you know and I know, we are

491
00:24:23.039 --> 00:24:27.720
so inundated with society and environment and all of that

492
00:24:27.839 --> 00:24:30.200
to tell us what our values should be, and that's

493
00:24:30.200 --> 00:24:33.400
where you get into the imposter syndrome again. But how

494
00:24:33.440 --> 00:24:37.319
do we discover what our true values are? What is

495
00:24:37.359 --> 00:24:40.759
the methodology that you teach your clients on how they

496
00:24:40.759 --> 00:24:43.359
can discover what their values are so that as they

497
00:24:43.359 --> 00:24:47.640
start moving forward, it's in alignment with their genuine and

498
00:24:47.640 --> 00:24:48.440
true values.

499
00:24:49.680 --> 00:24:52.079
Yeah. I think that's a great question, doctor Doug. I

500
00:24:52.079 --> 00:24:54.319
think for us, it's really starting to unpack first and

501
00:24:54.319 --> 00:24:57.839
foremost identity who you are. Is starting to understand the

502
00:24:57.880 --> 00:25:00.519
things that you are separating you from your activity, separating

503
00:25:00.519 --> 00:25:04.880
you from your accomplishments, which is absolutely counterculture to what

504
00:25:05.160 --> 00:25:09.200
most advertising and all sorts of programming shows. Right. It's

505
00:25:09.359 --> 00:25:12.279
in fact, if you took everything apart that had some

506
00:25:12.319 --> 00:25:15.039
sort of value system that said that when you have this,

507
00:25:15.160 --> 00:25:19.799
you'll be this, whether it's successful, happy, excited, accomplished, whatever.

508
00:25:19.839 --> 00:25:21.759
If you took all of those instet of aside, I

509
00:25:21.799 --> 00:25:25.160
don't think there would be any media in general, because

510
00:25:25.200 --> 00:25:27.720
those are those hot button things that cause people to

511
00:25:27.759 --> 00:25:31.039
want to grab items. But the challenge with that is

512
00:25:31.759 --> 00:25:35.200
everybody I know, and specifically people I've worked with who've

513
00:25:35.279 --> 00:25:38.559
used that model of success will bring value. Success will

514
00:25:38.599 --> 00:25:42.920
bring fulfillment. Success will bring peace. They don't find it

515
00:25:42.960 --> 00:25:44.799
at the end of that rainbow. At the end of

516
00:25:44.799 --> 00:25:46.880
that rainbow is just the need to do it again.

517
00:25:47.799 --> 00:25:49.720
And so for us, it really comes down to identity,

518
00:25:50.079 --> 00:25:51.839
and it comes down to understanding who you are, a

519
00:25:51.920 --> 00:25:55.200
character of who you are, and it's this place of

520
00:25:55.240 --> 00:25:58.039
celebrating who you are is one of the tools that

521
00:25:58.079 --> 00:26:00.400
we use as a celebration. List what you love you

522
00:26:01.359 --> 00:26:01.920
and so as.

523
00:26:01.839 --> 00:26:04.400
You went through this, as you went through this process,

524
00:26:04.680 --> 00:26:08.720
how did you figure out who you were? What was

525
00:26:08.759 --> 00:26:11.400
the methodology that you went through? Yeah?

526
00:26:11.400 --> 00:26:14.799
Absolutely. I think for many of us, innately we understand

527
00:26:14.839 --> 00:26:17.000
parts of who we are, but their mass behind the

528
00:26:17.000 --> 00:26:18.839
lies that we believed. And so for us, the first

529
00:26:18.880 --> 00:26:22.200
step is an im statement who are you? Apart from

530
00:26:22.240 --> 00:26:24.400
your things? And so I have everybody I work with

531
00:26:24.759 --> 00:26:26.920
create an I am statement. If you're a person of

532
00:26:26.960 --> 00:26:29.039
faith like I am, that starts with a conversation with

533
00:26:29.119 --> 00:26:31.640
God and with simple sentence of God, who did you

534
00:26:31.680 --> 00:26:34.319
create me to be? And you start to write those

535
00:26:34.319 --> 00:26:36.440
things down and again, it's not my accomplishment, it's not

536
00:26:36.480 --> 00:26:39.279
my roles, it's not my trophies, it's who I am. Innately,

537
00:26:39.359 --> 00:26:41.960
as a person at your character of who yours that

538
00:26:42.160 --> 00:26:44.799
value right, It's the things that bring passion, It's the

539
00:26:44.799 --> 00:26:47.000
things that bring joy, It's the things that bring empathy

540
00:26:47.039 --> 00:26:50.079
and care and love. It's that part of you. And

541
00:26:50.119 --> 00:26:52.799
then secondarily is the celebrationalist. What do you love about you?

542
00:26:53.440 --> 00:26:55.880
The challenge with many of the high achievers that I

543
00:26:55.960 --> 00:26:58.880
work with is they first see their failures before they

544
00:26:58.880 --> 00:27:01.640
see their successes. And there's something in that and being

545
00:27:01.640 --> 00:27:05.400
able to reconcile those things and get better at your job,

546
00:27:05.519 --> 00:27:09.319
your role, your entrepreneurship journey. But the challenge is we

547
00:27:09.359 --> 00:27:11.400
also see that in ourselves that we're not good enough

548
00:27:11.440 --> 00:27:14.200
until we're perfect. And so for us, it's really kind

549
00:27:14.240 --> 00:27:16.039
of unpacking some of that and saying that you have

550
00:27:16.079 --> 00:27:21.160
innate value worth and worthy of being celebrated now. And

551
00:27:21.200 --> 00:27:23.039
so it's not really a value system of things that

552
00:27:23.079 --> 00:27:26.039
we achieve, but it's an unpacking of who we are

553
00:27:26.759 --> 00:27:29.000
and in that place, your values will align with that.

554
00:27:29.559 --> 00:27:31.720
And if I can unpack that thing a little bit

555
00:27:31.759 --> 00:27:36.440
about affirmations, I love what you said there, and there

556
00:27:36.480 --> 00:27:39.799
is a difference. So in life master we use affirmations

557
00:27:39.839 --> 00:27:44.160
and so we differentiate the two. There's the generic affirmations

558
00:27:44.200 --> 00:27:46.319
of I'm rich, I'm wealthy, I'm a mat of piece,

559
00:27:46.400 --> 00:27:48.400
I have joy, I have love, and all of these

560
00:27:48.400 --> 00:27:50.319
things that are generic, and those are ones that never

561
00:27:50.359 --> 00:27:52.799
really stick because, as you said, they don't really align

562
00:27:52.880 --> 00:27:56.240
to anything. But with us, those affirmations have a through

563
00:27:56.279 --> 00:27:59.839
line to identity affirmations, with the understanding that this is

564
00:28:00.000 --> 00:28:02.799
who I am, and so for me, it's a person

565
00:28:02.839 --> 00:28:05.400
of strength and worth. It's a person of value who's

566
00:28:05.799 --> 00:28:08.200
all in and passionate about the things he does, who's

567
00:28:08.200 --> 00:28:12.119
compassionate with those he cares about, who he's measured and

568
00:28:12.160 --> 00:28:14.559
blessed in all the things that he does. So those

569
00:28:14.599 --> 00:28:17.440
affirmations are tied to an identity, so they are able

570
00:28:17.480 --> 00:28:21.559
to be a true statement, not a fantasy. And so yeah,

571
00:28:21.599 --> 00:28:24.599
there's a difference between affirmations that are generic in nature,

572
00:28:24.680 --> 00:28:26.559
and you try and save them over and over again

573
00:28:26.599 --> 00:28:29.400
to bludgeon your thoughts into alignment or ones that are

574
00:28:29.440 --> 00:28:31.880
attached and aligned with who you are created to be.

575
00:28:31.920 --> 00:28:34.799
And then that place they have the place of you know,

576
00:28:34.839 --> 00:28:37.039
as you probably already understand, because of the work you

577
00:28:37.119 --> 00:28:42.200
do creating those neuroplastic structures that bring empowering thoughts and results.

578
00:28:42.960 --> 00:28:45.880
Yes, And so if you were if you were to

579
00:28:46.039 --> 00:28:48.279
take okay, so okay, I'm going to be a client

580
00:28:48.440 --> 00:28:51.960
if yours all right? And I am a mess, just

581
00:28:52.000 --> 00:28:56.000
a total mess. What is a methodology that you're going

582
00:28:56.039 --> 00:28:59.640
to take me through in order to take me? You know,

583
00:28:59.680 --> 00:29:03.079
and we've already talked about helping me to understand myself

584
00:29:03.119 --> 00:29:05.440
with who I really am and values and so forth.

585
00:29:05.799 --> 00:29:08.440
But from there, what's the methodology that you're going to

586
00:29:08.480 --> 00:29:10.960
take me on. What's the journey that you're going to

587
00:29:11.000 --> 00:29:13.319
take me on to help me to get to the

588
00:29:13.359 --> 00:29:16.839
point where I'm actually literally able to get to where

589
00:29:17.000 --> 00:29:22.480
I am. I've truly become and therefore my actions, everything

590
00:29:22.480 --> 00:29:25.240
I'm doing is a result of who I am, not

591
00:29:25.400 --> 00:29:25.759
who I.

592
00:29:25.720 --> 00:29:29.400
Want to be. That's a great question, and I'll do this,

593
00:29:29.480 --> 00:29:32.079
I apologize, but I'll do this super generically because there's

594
00:29:32.119 --> 00:29:34.920
a lot that we could unpack. So it definitely will

595
00:29:34.960 --> 00:29:37.319
start with identity, right. There's an im statement, there's a

596
00:29:37.319 --> 00:29:40.200
celebrational list, there's an accomplishment list, and so it brings

597
00:29:40.240 --> 00:29:42.200
a bit of an encapsulation of Okay, well this is

598
00:29:42.200 --> 00:29:44.400
who I am, but it also is the fuel for

599
00:29:44.440 --> 00:29:47.519
your affirmation. So it starts with identity for sure, who

600
00:29:47.599 --> 00:29:51.119
you are. The second is the transformational strategy. And much

601
00:29:51.160 --> 00:29:53.599
of this I'm sure is very familiar with you. It's

602
00:29:53.640 --> 00:29:57.640
mastering your thoughts, words, and actions. It's mastering your thoughts

603
00:29:57.680 --> 00:29:59.839
because there's nothing you do in your life, there's nothing

604
00:29:59.839 --> 00:30:02.880
you attain, there's nothing you stop from attaining that isn't

605
00:30:02.880 --> 00:30:04.799
first a thought in your head of believing you can

606
00:30:04.839 --> 00:30:07.160
do it and then walking towards it, or believing you

607
00:30:07.200 --> 00:30:09.000
can't and stopping yourself from trying.

608
00:30:09.640 --> 00:30:14.960
Okay, so we're talking mindfulness here, really mastering exactly how

609
00:30:15.000 --> 00:30:16.960
do you do that? Do you use meditation, do you

610
00:30:17.119 --> 00:30:20.599
use yoga, what do you How do you help people

611
00:30:21.160 --> 00:30:23.480
to really get to the point where they can master

612
00:30:23.599 --> 00:30:28.440
that and get that mindfulness where they've become masters over that?

613
00:30:29.720 --> 00:30:33.279
Yeah? Absolutely. And so there's a couple of things that

614
00:30:33.319 --> 00:30:35.160
you and I both understand. One is that you can

615
00:30:35.200 --> 00:30:37.519
only have one thought at a time, and the other

616
00:30:37.640 --> 00:30:40.720
is that you have the full ability to master your thoughts,

617
00:30:40.880 --> 00:30:43.839
meaning that my thoughts aren't arbitrary things that just happen

618
00:30:43.920 --> 00:30:46.319
and I try and bludging them into alignment, but they're

619
00:30:46.319 --> 00:30:48.559
things that I can reload. If you'd call it that

620
00:30:49.039 --> 00:30:53.480
in the computer language, so that you have positive thought patterns,

621
00:30:53.519 --> 00:30:55.720
positive thoughts before they happen. And so for us it

622
00:30:55.759 --> 00:30:59.000
is affirmations. It starts with understanding, Okay, well what am

623
00:30:59.000 --> 00:31:02.519
I telling myself? If what I say about myself isn't

624
00:31:02.519 --> 00:31:04.799
align with what I'm created to be, then it's lying

625
00:31:04.839 --> 00:31:07.799
to me. And then that is a choice of choosing

626
00:31:07.839 --> 00:31:10.640
the thoughts that I entertain, those that I continue to

627
00:31:10.680 --> 00:31:13.839
affirm and meditate on, versus those that I just allowed

628
00:31:13.880 --> 00:31:16.799
to happen. Life by design, not by default the title

629
00:31:16.839 --> 00:31:20.079
of the book, and so we use affirmations to master

630
00:31:20.200 --> 00:31:23.279
your thoughts. We use it with meditations. The recommendation is

631
00:31:23.319 --> 00:31:25.319
that you start your day, you're injurr day, and somewhere

632
00:31:25.359 --> 00:31:28.119
in between you do the same. And it's creating an

633
00:31:28.119 --> 00:31:30.759
affirmation that aligns with through your CREATI to be. It

634
00:31:30.759 --> 00:31:33.039
starts with your im statements, your celebrational lists, and your

635
00:31:33.079 --> 00:31:37.359
affirmation list and using that as a continue ability to

636
00:31:37.559 --> 00:31:40.480
affirm who you are. Use it as a meditation, and

637
00:31:40.519 --> 00:31:43.240
in that place you start to see that person show up.

638
00:31:43.920 --> 00:31:47.319
Well, and you talk about meditation and you know, as

639
00:31:47.359 --> 00:31:51.400
I've interviewed so many different people, there are so many

640
00:31:51.440 --> 00:31:56.200
different types of meditation. Now, have you found for you

641
00:31:56.279 --> 00:31:59.559
and your clients that there's a simple approach to meditation

642
00:32:00.240 --> 00:32:04.400
that seems to work? And if so, what is that

643
00:32:04.519 --> 00:32:05.319
approach for you?

644
00:32:06.480 --> 00:32:09.440
And then yeah, absolutely, I think there's a repetitiveness in

645
00:32:09.519 --> 00:32:12.240
doing it first and foremost, and for us, meditation really

646
00:32:12.279 --> 00:32:14.920
comes down to what are you saying to you repeatedly?

647
00:32:15.559 --> 00:32:18.039
So it's not just an affirmation, but the thing that

648
00:32:18.079 --> 00:32:20.599
we talk about is that hero and hiding what does

649
00:32:20.640 --> 00:32:25.279
that hero look like? And being able to visualize. Visualization

650
00:32:25.400 --> 00:32:27.880
comes in as well, saying okay, what does this person

651
00:32:27.920 --> 00:32:31.440
look like? So before I'm walking into a stressful situation

652
00:32:31.519 --> 00:32:34.359
at my job or work or relationship, okay, well what

653
00:32:34.440 --> 00:32:37.240
is the hero you look like? Lived out? And as

654
00:32:37.279 --> 00:32:39.440
you start to understand that, you start to live it out.

655
00:32:39.519 --> 00:32:42.680
But it's really using it, using the affirmations, using the

656
00:32:42.720 --> 00:32:46.279
consistency and doing them and starting to moll over, Okay,

657
00:32:46.480 --> 00:32:48.440
what do I look like? Lived out? And start to

658
00:32:48.519 --> 00:32:51.440
elevate your understanding of who you are and the life

659
00:32:51.440 --> 00:32:52.480
that you're created for.

660
00:32:53.440 --> 00:32:56.400
And do you find that that's what you're calling meditation

661
00:32:56.519 --> 00:32:59.599
or is there actually breath work? Is there? You know,

662
00:32:59.640 --> 00:33:02.440
whether listening to music or not to help them with that.

663
00:33:02.599 --> 00:33:04.359
Is there a point time where they're going to spend

664
00:33:04.359 --> 00:33:09.480
twenty to thirty minutes and literally meditate with the idea

665
00:33:09.599 --> 00:33:13.519
that part of that meditation includes the affirmations that are

666
00:33:13.559 --> 00:33:18.039
going to help them to become what's your methodology on that.

667
00:33:19.200 --> 00:33:22.200
No, that's a great question as well. So we talked

668
00:33:22.200 --> 00:33:27.200
about the identity, We talked about the transformational strategies. I

669
00:33:27.200 --> 00:33:28.920
don't know that we'll have time to unpack the four

670
00:33:28.920 --> 00:33:32.319
pillars of life, mastery, identity, experience, meaning, and emotions, but

671
00:33:32.359 --> 00:33:34.240
that breath work one is definitely a part of it.

672
00:33:34.880 --> 00:33:37.400
And really that's more of a for us. It is

673
00:33:37.559 --> 00:33:41.440
in engaging so that your emotional well being is associated

674
00:33:41.440 --> 00:33:44.119
within meaning this. You know, we have these emotions, whether

675
00:33:44.160 --> 00:33:47.599
it's anxiety, anger, worry, stress, fere and so for us,

676
00:33:47.640 --> 00:33:49.839
part of the breathwork that we use is really kind

677
00:33:49.839 --> 00:33:52.640
of a I guess you would call it replacement in

678
00:33:52.759 --> 00:33:57.119
using a breath exercise to speak through an affirmation and

679
00:33:57.160 --> 00:34:01.200
the affirmation is right, I release anger, I receive piece,

680
00:34:01.240 --> 00:34:03.480
I release anger, I received piece. Whatever the challenges that

681
00:34:03.480 --> 00:34:05.799
you're doing, and so you kind of attack them from

682
00:34:05.799 --> 00:34:10.360
the emotional level of using reinforcement of their empowering emotions

683
00:34:10.360 --> 00:34:15.239
and decreasing the ability and they focus on your disempowering ones.

684
00:34:15.280 --> 00:34:19.079
So there's definitely breathwork involved, but there's a specificity to it,

685
00:34:19.400 --> 00:34:21.920
and not breathwork as breathwork alone or breath work can

686
00:34:22.039 --> 00:34:25.199
alignment with and the result that we're looking for.

687
00:34:26.679 --> 00:34:29.119
Well, and you know, you talk about the four pillars,

688
00:34:29.239 --> 00:34:32.079
and yeah, we have a little bit of time, so

689
00:34:33.119 --> 00:34:36.480
briefly talk about those four pillars and then based on

690
00:34:36.519 --> 00:34:38.239
what time we have, we might get into it a

691
00:34:38.280 --> 00:34:39.079
little more depth.

692
00:34:39.719 --> 00:34:42.719
Yeah. Absolutely, So the four pillars that we talk about,

693
00:34:42.719 --> 00:34:46.920
all of life happens in under these four pillars of identity, experience, meaning,

694
00:34:46.960 --> 00:34:49.719
and emotion. And so what I tell the folks that

695
00:34:49.760 --> 00:34:51.800
I work with is you're either living from identity or

696
00:34:51.840 --> 00:34:55.039
you're living from experience. You're past and forming your present,

697
00:34:55.199 --> 00:34:58.599
creating your future. And so in that place again, you

698
00:34:58.679 --> 00:35:00.400
either living from who you're created to be. Your life

699
00:35:00.400 --> 00:35:03.800
has told you. If you're not aligned with your identity,

700
00:35:03.880 --> 00:35:06.239
then you're living from your experience. And what the problem

701
00:35:06.280 --> 00:35:09.480
is with experiences, it's not the experience itself. There's good

702
00:35:09.519 --> 00:35:12.480
and there's bad. There's wonderful experiences, and there's you know,

703
00:35:12.519 --> 00:35:15.840
amazingly tragic experiences. You know, I've spoken about one of

704
00:35:15.880 --> 00:35:18.480
them earlier in my life that was tragic. Losing your

705
00:35:18.559 --> 00:35:21.079
children is never a great thing, and so we don't

706
00:35:21.119 --> 00:35:23.480
tell people that, you know, just transform it to it

707
00:35:23.519 --> 00:35:26.400
a good experience, act like it is something that's wonderful.

708
00:35:26.639 --> 00:35:28.639
It's the meaning that you attach to it. What's the

709
00:35:28.719 --> 00:35:32.039
meaning of the experience. People can walk through horrible experiences

710
00:35:32.039 --> 00:35:34.079
and come out the other side, like you said, being

711
00:35:34.079 --> 00:35:37.400
empowered and unleashed and feel that they're able to move

712
00:35:37.440 --> 00:35:40.920
forward in a positive and empowering way. And those are

713
00:35:40.960 --> 00:35:43.400
people who are held back by it and live from

714
00:35:43.440 --> 00:35:45.719
that place for the rest of their lives. So it's

715
00:35:45.719 --> 00:35:47.639
not the experience you've walked through, because people have gone

716
00:35:47.639 --> 00:35:49.960
through horrible ones and done great People have gone through

717
00:35:49.960 --> 00:35:53.639
great ones and done badly. It's the meaning you give it. Yeah,

718
00:35:53.880 --> 00:35:56.039
And for the people we work with, it's not the

719
00:35:56.159 --> 00:35:59.320
meaning of the experience. Again, I don't change a bad

720
00:35:59.360 --> 00:36:01.400
experience to a god one just by changing the title.

721
00:36:02.239 --> 00:36:05.159
But it's the meaning that you give it. In regards

722
00:36:05.159 --> 00:36:08.320
to your identity, what does my experience say about me?

723
00:36:09.960 --> 00:36:11.519
You said, it earlier, and I thought that was really

724
00:36:11.559 --> 00:36:13.639
profound what you said. You talked about people having a

725
00:36:13.679 --> 00:36:16.760
victim mentality. See, that's an identity statement that we give

726
00:36:16.800 --> 00:36:19.519
to an experience. Two people can walk through the same

727
00:36:19.599 --> 00:36:22.440
experience that's badly. One saying I'm going to learn and

728
00:36:22.440 --> 00:36:24.960
grow from this and get better because I do, and

729
00:36:25.000 --> 00:36:27.559
another one's saying this has ruined me. It's going to

730
00:36:27.599 --> 00:36:29.360
change the rest of my life in a negative way.

731
00:36:29.840 --> 00:36:31.719
It's not the experience, and it's not the meaning of

732
00:36:31.760 --> 00:36:35.039
the experience. It's what the experience says about me. And

733
00:36:35.079 --> 00:36:37.559
so for us we talk about that. So if you're

734
00:36:37.559 --> 00:36:39.599
not living from identity, you're living for me experience and

735
00:36:39.639 --> 00:36:42.320
the meaning you give it is typically a disempowering meaning

736
00:36:42.360 --> 00:36:45.599
about yourself. Oh well I didn't have a success in

737
00:36:45.639 --> 00:36:47.719
that last business. It failed and we went bankrupt. Well,

738
00:36:47.760 --> 00:36:51.039
I guess I'm not meant for business success. That relationship

739
00:36:51.039 --> 00:36:52.880
didn't work out. Well, I guess I'm not meant for love.

740
00:36:52.920 --> 00:36:56.559
It's the identity statement you take from your experience. And

741
00:36:56.599 --> 00:36:58.639
then there's the emotion, which is the fourth pillar. And

742
00:36:58.639 --> 00:37:01.320
the interesting thing is many of the programs that I've

743
00:37:01.719 --> 00:37:05.760
studied and tried to implement Start with emotions, start with

744
00:37:05.840 --> 00:37:10.039
really emotion management, right, anger management or fear management. They're

745
00:37:10.079 --> 00:37:12.239
trying to overcome the emotion. And the thing I tell

746
00:37:12.239 --> 00:37:15.960
people is the opposite is actually true. The emotion is

747
00:37:16.000 --> 00:37:20.119
actually the only honest thing in the conversation. Because again,

748
00:37:20.360 --> 00:37:25.199
so my wife and I lost our daughters. Grief, worry,

749
00:37:25.239 --> 00:37:27.239
stress and all that. What's the meaning that you take

750
00:37:27.360 --> 00:37:29.599
from it? For us, it was something were able to

751
00:37:29.840 --> 00:37:33.320
unite in and walk through. And while we were able

752
00:37:33.360 --> 00:37:35.480
to deal with the grief, we were able to understand

753
00:37:35.480 --> 00:37:38.440
that because we've walked through this, we can empathize with

754
00:37:38.480 --> 00:37:40.559
other people and help them walk through it as well.

755
00:37:41.119 --> 00:37:44.320
An empowering meaning that we brought to it Because of that,

756
00:37:44.360 --> 00:37:46.960
the emotion was an honest one of grief and stress

757
00:37:47.000 --> 00:37:49.480
and sadness and all of those things. But in it

758
00:37:49.519 --> 00:37:54.320
was a place of release and peace and reconciliation to

759
00:37:54.360 --> 00:37:57.239
the event and walking through it. But a person who's

760
00:37:57.239 --> 00:37:59.679
walked through that, oh, I lost my whatever, I lost

761
00:37:59.719 --> 00:38:03.159
my I'm a failure in my life. What's the emotion

762
00:38:03.239 --> 00:38:06.159
that would come attached if I was a failure, if

763
00:38:06.199 --> 00:38:10.000
that things were horrible in my life? Stress, worry, anxiety, fear,

764
00:38:10.920 --> 00:38:13.559
so the emotion is the only honest thing in it.

765
00:38:13.599 --> 00:38:16.000
But if I change the meaning as an empowering meaning,

766
00:38:16.039 --> 00:38:18.480
if I align the meaning with my identity and not

767
00:38:18.599 --> 00:38:21.480
what the experience tells me I am, then the emotion

768
00:38:21.599 --> 00:38:25.320
that comes from it is empowering emotion. The emotion isn't

769
00:38:25.320 --> 00:38:27.599
the issue. The emotion is just aligning with the meaning

770
00:38:27.599 --> 00:38:29.760
that you've given it, and that meaning is an identity

771
00:38:29.760 --> 00:38:32.960
statement you've told yourself. When I change that and live

772
00:38:33.000 --> 00:38:35.159
from who I'm created to be, not what my life

773
00:38:35.159 --> 00:38:38.000
has told me, then the meanings are empowering ones and

774
00:38:38.039 --> 00:38:39.679
the emotions are positive ones.

775
00:38:39.719 --> 00:38:43.480
Moving forward well, and you know, I love your concept

776
00:38:43.559 --> 00:38:47.360
of the use of the emotions, and I'm sure you're

777
00:38:47.400 --> 00:38:49.880
familiar with a couple of the emotional scales that are

778
00:38:49.920 --> 00:38:53.920
out there. I've actually studied too, very deeply, and what

779
00:38:54.039 --> 00:38:56.840
I find fascinating is for people to get to a

780
00:38:56.920 --> 00:39:01.280
point where they can really become aware, they can get

781
00:39:01.280 --> 00:39:03.360
that clarity in their mind that you know what, I

782
00:39:03.400 --> 00:39:06.760
am not living my purpose, I'm not really living my values.

783
00:39:06.880 --> 00:39:09.639
I'm not aligned with those. And one of the best

784
00:39:09.639 --> 00:39:14.000
ways that that can happen is to analyze your emotions

785
00:39:14.039 --> 00:39:17.239
in different circumstances, And you know the ones that I

786
00:39:17.280 --> 00:39:19.880
look at are you know, you've got you've got a

787
00:39:19.960 --> 00:39:23.320
level of just kind of equality of good and not

788
00:39:23.360 --> 00:39:26.679
so good. And below that level you've got the anger,

789
00:39:26.719 --> 00:39:29.559
you've got the frustration, you've got the victimhood, you've got

790
00:39:29.639 --> 00:39:33.679
all of that. Above that is the sense of peace,

791
00:39:33.960 --> 00:39:38.280
of love, of tranquility and all of those type of things.

792
00:39:38.360 --> 00:39:40.920
So have you looked at that at all? And have

793
00:39:41.000 --> 00:39:43.599
you found that that helps to understand people when you

794
00:39:43.679 --> 00:39:47.239
start to observe what their emotions are and help them

795
00:39:47.280 --> 00:39:50.760
to understand that, Hey, if your emotion is below that line,

796
00:39:51.360 --> 00:39:54.519
then you've got some you've got some problems here that

797
00:39:54.719 --> 00:39:57.719
are causing you to live a life that you're telling

798
00:39:57.760 --> 00:40:00.000
me you're not happy with. Yeah.

799
00:40:00.039 --> 00:40:02.480
Absolutely, I think that's spot on. And the thing that

800
00:40:02.519 --> 00:40:05.159
I tell people is the emotions are a wonderful flag

801
00:40:06.199 --> 00:40:08.440
that is put up that lets you know something you

802
00:40:08.480 --> 00:40:12.519
need to address in somewhere you may need to examine yourself. Right, So,

803
00:40:12.960 --> 00:40:15.800
as you said, those deeper level emotions of anger, of warrior,

804
00:40:15.840 --> 00:40:19.320
of stress, of anxiety, are you know, they're not something

805
00:40:19.320 --> 00:40:22.760
to be attacked and managed. There's something to be understood.

806
00:40:23.599 --> 00:40:25.880
But again with that unpacking of Okay, well, where is

807
00:40:25.920 --> 00:40:28.599
this coming from. They're not an end all and they're

808
00:40:28.599 --> 00:40:31.000
not a horrible thing in your life. There's something that

809
00:40:31.039 --> 00:40:34.079
gives you an indication that there's an opportunity in an

810
00:40:34.159 --> 00:40:36.480
area that you get to address well.

811
00:40:36.519 --> 00:40:39.239
And you've mentioned a lot of your clients or business

812
00:40:39.239 --> 00:40:42.239
people and some very successful millionaires as you say, and

813
00:40:42.280 --> 00:40:45.320
so on and so forth. But let's talk a little

814
00:40:45.320 --> 00:40:51.559
bit about just personal relationships, marriages, family relationships, friendships. What

815
00:40:51.719 --> 00:40:55.800
have you found are the challenges and that and how

816
00:40:55.800 --> 00:40:59.519
does the imposter syndrome affect that, and how does what

817
00:40:59.639 --> 00:41:02.880
your doing and the steps that you're teaching helps someone

818
00:41:02.920 --> 00:41:05.639
to change that whole movie.

819
00:41:06.760 --> 00:41:08.880
Yeah, that's a great question. You know, it reminds me

820
00:41:08.960 --> 00:41:11.800
of one of our clients, a young man who was

821
00:41:12.599 --> 00:41:13.880
you know, he was in the business fair and he

822
00:41:13.960 --> 00:41:16.239
was doing well there and he didn't feel like he

823
00:41:16.280 --> 00:41:18.760
had any challenges, but his challenge was the guy who

824
00:41:18.760 --> 00:41:21.239
showed up at home. A lot of times we think

825
00:41:21.280 --> 00:41:23.880
that we can compartmentalize our emotions and you know, stress

826
00:41:23.880 --> 00:41:26.039
and the worry and the issues of work never bleed

827
00:41:26.079 --> 00:41:29.119
over into our home life and vice versa. In his case,

828
00:41:29.159 --> 00:41:33.079
it was not necessarily a business issue, but a relational one. Again,

829
00:41:33.199 --> 00:41:35.079
living from who you're created to be or which a

830
00:41:35.119 --> 00:41:38.239
life has told you. His life had some challenging family

831
00:41:38.360 --> 00:41:42.639
experiences and circumstances in his childhood and young adulthood that really,

832
00:41:42.679 --> 00:41:45.679
you know, wounded and hurt him in many ways because

833
00:41:45.719 --> 00:41:49.039
of those relational dysfunctions, and because of that, the men

834
00:41:49.039 --> 00:41:50.960
that showed up at home, you know, as the husband,

835
00:41:50.960 --> 00:41:53.760
as a father, with somebody who was guarded, with somebody

836
00:41:53.800 --> 00:41:56.280
who was stoic, with somebody who was reserved in a

837
00:41:56.320 --> 00:41:58.800
place of not letting the family and not letting his

838
00:41:58.840 --> 00:42:02.280
wife really know where he's at. And so in business,

839
00:42:02.280 --> 00:42:04.360
of course it makes sense that you know, working with

840
00:42:04.440 --> 00:42:08.199
these tools and strategies helps, but the challenges that people

841
00:42:08.239 --> 00:42:11.880
don't understand is it also affects relationships, which is why

842
00:42:11.920 --> 00:42:14.400
you find people of great success at business who can

843
00:42:14.440 --> 00:42:16.920
be a disaster in their relationships. You wonder, well, how

844
00:42:16.920 --> 00:42:20.719
does this correlate? Well, because success was the determination of identity,

845
00:42:20.719 --> 00:42:23.519
it was an outworking of it. So for him it

846
00:42:23.599 --> 00:42:27.480
was really understanding and unpacking Okay, you know, emotions, right,

847
00:42:27.559 --> 00:42:30.800
identity experience meaning and emotions the meaning he took from

848
00:42:30.920 --> 00:42:34.159
family dysfunctions gave him the feeling of you know, I

849
00:42:34.199 --> 00:42:36.559
need to be guarded, I can't trust anybody. I need

850
00:42:36.599 --> 00:42:38.440
to build these walls and all of these things. Well,

851
00:42:38.719 --> 00:42:42.760
those things are amazingly counterproductive in marriage and in parenting

852
00:42:43.239 --> 00:42:45.079
when you're not able to show up in care and

853
00:42:45.119 --> 00:42:49.079
have compassion and be vulnerable and honest and authentic with

854
00:42:49.119 --> 00:42:52.199
the people that want to be that. So for him

855
00:42:52.239 --> 00:42:54.840
it was really unpacking some of that, and not in

856
00:42:54.880 --> 00:42:57.159
the business area, although it helped him in relationships there

857
00:42:57.199 --> 00:43:00.199
as well, But it was really primarily his knee to

858
00:43:00.239 --> 00:43:02.760
have a family that he was not just there for

859
00:43:03.039 --> 00:43:06.400
as a provider, but therefore as a resource, as somebody

860
00:43:06.400 --> 00:43:09.199
who can be counted on, somebody who can bring compassion

861
00:43:09.280 --> 00:43:11.599
and karen love into the relationship the things he wanted

862
00:43:11.599 --> 00:43:14.239
to do. But he didn't realize he was living from

863
00:43:14.280 --> 00:43:16.159
what his life had told him. He was being guarded

864
00:43:16.159 --> 00:43:18.679
against what used to happen, and in that place, he

865
00:43:18.760 --> 00:43:21.400
wasn't showing up authentically as the man he wanted to be.

866
00:43:21.880 --> 00:43:24.719
But on the other side of it, when you're mastering

867
00:43:24.719 --> 00:43:27.639
your thoughts, words and actions, when those are telling you

868
00:43:27.679 --> 00:43:30.400
that you know you can come in and be vulnerable.

869
00:43:30.800 --> 00:43:33.280
What I find really to be totally honest, doctor Doug,

870
00:43:33.360 --> 00:43:36.079
is when I understand who I'm created to be, and

871
00:43:36.119 --> 00:43:37.760
I know that that's not just good enough, but that's

872
00:43:37.800 --> 00:43:40.480
exactly who I'm supposed to be. I'm not looking for

873
00:43:40.519 --> 00:43:43.239
somebody else to make up the difference. And so I

874
00:43:43.280 --> 00:43:45.679
give my spouse permission to be who she is because

875
00:43:45.719 --> 00:43:48.320
I'm authentically showing up as who I am. And in

876
00:43:48.360 --> 00:43:51.159
that place, even in those places where there's negative interactions

877
00:43:51.159 --> 00:43:53.320
that can be like ooh, that really hurt because it

878
00:43:53.360 --> 00:43:55.280
made you feel like you weren't as good as you

879
00:43:55.960 --> 00:43:59.360
didn't do as well as you maybe failed supposedly, you

880
00:43:59.400 --> 00:44:01.199
could start to show up as who you are. And

881
00:44:01.239 --> 00:44:04.400
in that place, in the breath work, in the work

882
00:44:04.440 --> 00:44:08.719
of transformational strategies, they have permission to be who they are,

883
00:44:08.719 --> 00:44:10.840
and even if they are dealing out of a dysfunction

884
00:44:10.920 --> 00:44:13.880
in their life, it doesn't affect who I believe I am,

885
00:44:13.920 --> 00:44:16.039
and so I still show up authentically and give them

886
00:44:16.039 --> 00:44:17.559
permission to do the same.

887
00:44:18.000 --> 00:44:20.480
And did it make a difference in his life and

888
00:44:20.519 --> 00:44:23.079
in his relationship as you worked with him.

889
00:44:23.119 --> 00:44:27.800
Yeah, a huge difference. As I tell people, if I

890
00:44:27.880 --> 00:44:29.440
don't know who I am. My wife has to make

891
00:44:29.480 --> 00:44:31.559
up the difference. And in that place it can be

892
00:44:31.599 --> 00:44:34.440
exhausting of having to walk in eggshells or make sure

893
00:44:34.480 --> 00:44:38.079
everything's perfect, or don't say anything that might be construed

894
00:44:38.119 --> 00:44:40.840
as something negative. But in that place of him walking

895
00:44:40.880 --> 00:44:42.800
in as the person he was created to be, understanding

896
00:44:42.840 --> 00:44:45.760
that his past experience, while they were bad, we never

897
00:44:45.800 --> 00:44:48.440
tell people to ignore your experiences, act like they didn't happen,

898
00:44:49.039 --> 00:44:51.440
but we invite them to not let those experiences tell

899
00:44:51.480 --> 00:44:53.760
them who they are anymore. As he walked in that

900
00:44:54.320 --> 00:44:56.079
he was able to really show up as the man

901
00:44:56.199 --> 00:44:59.559
he was believed he could be, and in the person

902
00:44:59.599 --> 00:45:02.039
that is Life wanted him to be a man who

903
00:45:02.079 --> 00:45:04.119
was available and vulnerable and honest with her.

904
00:45:04.800 --> 00:45:08.239
Oh that's great. So how do people find you? How

905
00:45:08.239 --> 00:45:09.480
do people find your book?

906
00:45:10.480 --> 00:45:12.880
Yeah, you can reach out on my website, which is

907
00:45:12.880 --> 00:45:16.559
that freedom dash four Dashlife dot net Freedom dash four

908
00:45:16.679 --> 00:45:19.400
Dashlife dot Net. I have an electronic version of my

909
00:45:19.440 --> 00:45:22.000
book there where you can get that. And the book,

910
00:45:22.079 --> 00:45:25.599
what I call is the shortcut version of life. Mastery

911
00:45:25.679 --> 00:45:28.039
gives you quick nuggets and tools and things and strategies

912
00:45:28.119 --> 00:45:30.400
you can lift today. But the full fledged courses out

913
00:45:30.400 --> 00:45:31.480
of my website as well.

914
00:45:32.079 --> 00:45:36.480
Oh that's fantastic. Well, so as we close, is there

915
00:45:36.519 --> 00:45:38.800
a message that you'd like to share with the audience

916
00:45:38.920 --> 00:45:40.239
kind of as your final thoughts.

917
00:45:41.519 --> 00:45:43.559
Yeah, the one thing I would wish and and I

918
00:45:43.599 --> 00:45:46.079
hope for everybody is the same thing that the one

919
00:45:46.079 --> 00:45:48.719
thing I did right in looking at personal development and

920
00:45:49.119 --> 00:45:52.480
not finding the transformation, so I created Life Mastery. There

921
00:45:52.519 --> 00:45:54.159
was this one thing that kept me going in it

922
00:45:54.199 --> 00:45:56.639
was a belief in myself and a refusal to give up.

923
00:45:57.320 --> 00:45:59.159
If you refuse to give up on you, if you

924
00:45:59.239 --> 00:46:02.760
bet on yourself one more time, the transformational strategies that

925
00:46:02.800 --> 00:46:05.480
you're looking for are there. They're just one decision away.

926
00:46:05.519 --> 00:46:08.199
It's the decision doctor Doug or myself can't make. But

927
00:46:08.320 --> 00:46:11.559
if you make that decision, I've am pretty assured that

928
00:46:11.599 --> 00:46:13.960
you're going to find the transformational strategies for the life

929
00:46:13.960 --> 00:46:14.840
that you're created for.

930
00:46:15.719 --> 00:46:18.280
And that strategy that works for them. And I think

931
00:46:19.039 --> 00:46:21.320
and thank you for that, because I think it's so important.

932
00:46:21.880 --> 00:46:24.920
Everybody's going to identify with a different type of strategy.

933
00:46:25.559 --> 00:46:28.519
And so as they continue, as you say, don't give up,

934
00:46:28.599 --> 00:46:31.760
keep looking until you find the one that really resonates

935
00:46:31.800 --> 00:46:35.280
with you so Mark, I so appreciate you being on

936
00:46:35.280 --> 00:46:37.800
the show today. This has been fantastic and I love

937
00:46:37.920 --> 00:46:38.639
what you're doing.

938
00:46:39.719 --> 00:46:41.920
Thank you so much, Doctor, it's been great conversation.

939
00:46:42.440 --> 00:46:45.400
Well, I appreciate it, and folks, I hope you've enjoyed this.

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Look forward to having you join us again soon. This

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is doctor Doug saying namastay.