Life Mastery - Living Life by Design, not by Default

0:01 This program is designed to provide general information with regards to the subject matters covered. This information is given with the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial, legal counseling, professional service, or any advice. You should seek the services. Of competent professionals before applying or trying any suggested ideas. At the end of the day, it's not about what you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up, who you've made better. It's about what you've given back.

0:44 Thanzel Washington, Welcome to Inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you to do the same. Mark Collins, Welcome to the show. Thanks so much, doctor Doug. I'm excited to have the conversation with you. Hey, and I appreciate it. Like like you and I were talking before we started the recording. You know, I'm it's nine pm here and at six am there, so we both kind of changed our time schedule to make sure this could happen. So I do appreciate you coming on so early. You know, we're going to talk about some really interesting things, and what I'd love for you to do is kind of share with the audience how you got to this purpose of doing what you're doing at this point in time and helping other people.

1:30 Yeah, I appreciate the question. You know, I think for any of us, and I don't want to make the assumption, but in many cases, our journey to help other people comes from our own journey to help ourselves. And for me, it was doing that. It was trying to figure out how I can, as I say, with the people that I work with, unleash my hero and hiding the person that I believe I could be that wasn't necessarily showing up, whether it was pure failure or imposter sind them or whatever, dealing with the things that were kind of standing in the way that were limiting me, limiting beliefs and thought processes. And so for me, it really came from that place of trying to figure out how do I unleash that man, then with confidence, with assurance, with the abilities to actually show up fully completely without fear of failure, coming along for the ride. So that was my start in my journey and then from there doctor Doug, as you probably are doing as well. Anytime you find something amazing in your life, you want to share it with everybody you know.

2:21 So for me, it was really trying to figure out how do I create a way for people to actually walk in that journey as well to take the shortcuts to the long path that I was walking on to get to the place of what I call freedom. So how long have you been doing this. As an official kind of fully encapsulated process, Probably ten twelve years wow. Worked with over five hundred people. And this you know, of course the Court's Life Mastery in my book Life Mastery, Living Life by Designer are the resources I use to help people in that journey. And what were you doing before that. Living life? I was a business owner. My wife and I had a business that we sold, you know, working in the corporate sphere as well, just kind of doing the normal things of life. Just trying to kind of successful way towards freedom is what I tell people, right, But come to find out, you can't do that. Success is a great thing in being able to accomplish things in your life, but you don't necessarily leave those insecurities, those worries, those negative thought processes behind when you get there.

3:22 And it isn't interesting how you know, and I have the same experience how we go through life and we have certain things that we're going to do. We feel like we're going to be successful in that, and we are, and then all of a sudden, at some point in time, something happens that causes us to kind of make a change in direction, and all of a sudden, like what you're doing now is really making a difference in people's lives. Was there an aha moment for you or was it just kind of a gradual thing that you ultimately made that change. That's a great question, doctor Doug. I think I think it's actually a little bit of both. There's a journey, of course, in trying to grab personal development of books.

4:04 You know, I think I've read everything that was out there because I really wanted to find those resources, and a lot of them they just brought They were habit modification or habit adaption versus transformation. And so I'd find myself trying to do these things, these tasks and issues, you know, trying to create you know, the mantras that I was supposed to and you know, and block out the negative mindsets and those things. And I was kind of, you know, like that hamster in that hamster wheel, just continually doing great and then something happened, doing wonderful. Then something happened and things fell apart. But if you want to just talk about a NAHA moment for me, just to be totally honest, there was a time our youngest daughter is twenty six, and two years before she was born, my wife and I were expecting twins and unfortunately they passed away at five and a half months, and it was really for me, it was at ANAHA moment. It was a pivotal moment of walking through the grief of my daughters and finding that these that I was doing, the habit modifications, didn't change me. They didn't change the hurt, the pain, the grief, the issues. I was trying to mask the insecurities and the issues and trying to beat them up with you know, those positive thoughts in those mantras that you use, those affirmations that you try and use.

5:16 But I wasn't changing. I was in any different And so it was kind of an interesting circumstance where in their loss there was some things I had to walk through grief in all of the things that you do in that process. But in that place, I was finally tired of just doing the same old thing of doing a modification, and in that place tried to be better. And so I wanted to just show up as me, and in that place started to unpack what it looked like to walk in transformation, not necessarily maintain habits to try and stop the negative thoughts. Yeah, and it's interesting how as we experience those type of traumas in our lives, and I think everybody does theirs. I mean, that's part of why we're here and what we experience. And yet there are those that allow them to push them into a victim mentality. And there are those such as yourself, who had that experience and it actually took you and moved you in an entirely different direction that has become a very positive direction for you.

6:19 And I love that, you know. And I know one of the things you had mentioned just the word, and we're going to talk about it a little bit, is the impost syndrome. And you know, I think there's a lot of definitions. As I looked at the definition, I thought Wow, that's not the definition I've used before, and I actually have been writing some things and I came in with an imposter syndrome from a different perspective, but from your perspective for the audience, because we're going to talk about this a lot. What is an impostor syndrome? You're an impostor, yeah, imposter syndrome. Yeah, that's a great question. You know, for the people that I work with in myself and my own life are really the basic version is this, you feel unqualified for the role that you're in, whatever that is, if you're in the boardroom trying to you know, talk to somebody at a sea level, or you're an entrepreneur trying to succeed or even start a business, or even in relationship where you feel like you're not doing well in your marriage and you're feeling like you're you know, basically, it comes down to a value statement. The people that I work with, it really it's not about the role or the position or the thing that you're striving for.

7:25 It's what the challenge says about you. And so for all of the people that we work with, imposter sent them really is a value statement that basically says this, I'm not good enough to succeed here. I'm not good enough to be in this role or this position, or have this title or whatever the thing is. And yet they're pretending, in other words, they are living that role, and yet consciously, subconsciously, they're saying to themselves, I'm really not able to do that, you know. And I think that's so I could the other one that I look at, and I think I got into this when I was doing more behavioral work with people and using some personality profiling and talked about the fact that you know, we really, in my opinion, and we have three different types of personalities. We've got that innate personality who we really were born to be. It's our spirit who we are. Then we have that social personality, which is the personality of having to be what the environment, what the family, what the religion, what society tells us we need to be. And then ultimately there's a conscious one where we are achieving some things correctly. But to me, that social personality is the imposter syndrome, where we're literally living a life that we believe we have to live when it's not really who we are. We're just meeting the expectations of everybody else. Yeah.

8:49 No, that's a great point. And I think in that is this you, the one who's already Natee, but this hope of that I can be that person. And I think there's this kind of duality of struggle in the person that I am trying to portray that I wish I am, but I've got these negative thought patterns that are sabotaging what I'm doing. And I love what you say about that innate one, because that's actually the goal of what we're doing. We talk about identity and life mastery, and it is living from who you're created to be, not where your life has told you. And in that place there's I think the social and the in eight we could unpack that a little bit as well, where the social is really what my life has told me. I'm either trying to overcome or I'm actually affirming through my decisions, my actions, and my goals. But there's that innate one, that part of who you were created to be, that's apart from what your past was and the struggles and challenges and experiences you've walked through. And so the challenge for us, at least in our program and where we have strategies and tools is starting to unpack that person that you were created to be and starting to silence the social you, the person you think you have to be to measure up well.

9:54 And you know, it's so fascinating. As I said, I'm kind of doing a little bit of writing right now, and I'm writing a little bit about this, about how, you know, we really need to be aware of all of this type of thing that we're going to talk about. And as I was going through that, I thought, you know what, there's one thing that I'm missing here, and that is helping people to understand that innate goodness and light that exists within each one of us. And I think now, as I read your bio, I think you have a little bit of background. You're involved a little bit in Christianity, right, yeah, absolutely, okay, And you know it's interesting that so often people have this whole mentality and have been taught that you know, you were born bad, you have inherited this badness within you, and yet the reality is, if we really look at it carefully, is that literally that light exists within each one of us, that goodness exists within each one of us, and so often we don't really understand that. And how important do you feel that is? Is you work with people, how important is it for them to get to the point where as they're starting to look at all that negativity and the negative triggers and all those things that have been going on in their life, that they can get past that for a minute and realize the innate goodness that lies within them.

11:25 Now, I think that's really good, because that's actually that's the that's the first core battle is understanding that you're more than your past, You're more than your issues, your struggles, your challenges, and understanding that there is an innate value in who you are. And so for us, I mean, if you want to pack unpack it. With Christianity, it's one of the major themes of my life is trying to enlighten people that while we have challenges in Christianity, we call it sin right, your sin, your struggles, your issues that you're walking through, and it doesn't mean any of those are good or you're minimizing them both. There's this truth that if if there is a God, and I believe there is, and if he did create and I believe he has, then a good God doesn't create a bad thing. And so this this you know, well, there's they call it in Christianity to send nature at the core of who you are, who you were created to be. Isn't a person who sins, isn't a person who's bad, isn't a person who's less than but somebody who has innate, unique, specific value and impact in the world.

12:20 So that's the that's the biggest challenge, but also the most wonderful breakthrough is when people start to understand, all, well, there's there is more for me, and you know, kind of like with me, doctor Doug. To be totally honest, it was the thing that drove me through all of those circumstances and personal development and walking through grief and then creating what I can believe is in a complete transformational strategy with life mastering. There was this innate understanding that there is more for me than where I was at and refusing to give up on that and believing that there was hope for me to show up as that person was really what drove me. And it's the fire that I want to lighten front inside of every person to say, hey, you're not wrong, you just have maybe the wrong strategies among thought processes, the wrong tools that you're using to really be able to see that innate person show up.

13:08 And you know, I think all of us experiences. I even this morning and I was meditating and thought, you know what, I need to call one of my brothers and talk about, you know what, what is the purpose? You know, why am I here? A type of thing? And I think that we all go through that at some point in times to some degree where we sit back and think, why am I here? What is my purpose? And you know, you talk about it as unleashing your identity, but you know, if if we really believe and I believe it's true that we were created with a purpose here, yeah, how do you get to that truth? How do you get to that understanding of what your purpose is so that then you can start to move in that direction?

13:52 What's been your experience? I love that question because it's it's as you already know, it's pretty common that everybody wants to know. You know, I feel like I have some value, some impact that I'm supposed to have. What is it? And the thing that I do with the people I work with is first start and unpacked what you do from who you are and for us I want to tell people is you're either living from who you're created to be or what your world has told you. And when the world has told me a certain thing, you're not good enough, or you're not good until you succeed, or you won't be valuable to you do this, your purpose becomes the thing I do, and I'm not good and I'm not valued and I don't have worth until I get that thing that I'm supposed to have. And so what I unpack is you apart from your things. There's a chapter in my book, the book Life Master, You're living life by design, not by default, and the title gives away the whole chapter, and it says your characters you're calling.

14:43 And so what we unpack there is understanding identity. Who you're created to be is the crux, the foundation of everything that you do. Many times we look for our title and our role and our position and power and those things that we do to define who we are. And what I tell the people I work with is who you are creates your activities, your accomplishments, the things you do. Your accomplishments don't create you. And so in that place, when you start to look at purpose. What we try and do is unpack character because it's not your skill set, it's not your accomplishments, it's not your dollar signs behind your name, it's not the things that you do or even the titles you have. It's who you are that makes the difference. Certainly, there's skill sets, and there's ideas, and there's education that we do, and all those things have value, but they don't overcome the fact of who you are. If I don't show up as who I am, but I try and pretend who I am through my titles, then I won't really become in the authentic person that I'm created to be, and so my purpose won't be revealed. And what I find, doctor Doug, with the people I work with, is the more I start to unpack who I am, the more I understand that my identity is apart from my accomplishments.

15:48 I accomplish those things because of who I am, not to prove who I am when I walk in that place. Now all of a sudden, when I'm in that business, or have that job, or in that role in my community or within my civicer religious organization, now, all of a sudden, because I know who I am, I know the impact I'm supposed to have, and one leads to the next until you start to find out I have this track record of investing and impacting those things around me, and you start to see that your purposes you lived out, not a title that you attain well. And you know, it's really fascinating as you talk about that, because how many of us and I think we all experienced this at some point in time where we look at what we society tell us is success and you know, I want I want to drive that portia in my case, or I want to I want to do this, I want to have that, you know, I want to have the nice house, so on and so forth. And Eckhart talks about this as far as then he applies it as the ego that as we as we desire these things, and then Buddha, which you know, I'm in Thailand now, so I've enjoyed learning a little bit about that. You know, he talks about those desires causes innate suffering, and you know, and for him, the point was get to the point where you're no longer experiencing the suffering. And the only way to do that, as you say, is to get to the point where those things are not important. And I love what you're saying about the fact that becoming being you know, I've talked about this before and I'm not going to use the example right now, but talk

17:18 about the fact that do you do what you do so that you can become what you want to become? Or do you do what you do because you already have become? And I think it's a little bit on both sides, but I think you hit its really on the head. Your activities, what you're doing is based on who you are. Yeah, absolutely, and so what I what I received when I accomplish those positions in a portion is a great car. I love Lamborghini's as well. It's not that position possessions are innately wrong. It's that when I use them as a substitute or an identity marker, then all of a sudden it becomes an empty vessel meaning this. I know people, you know, we've had people who are multi millionaires in our program have amazing success at all sorts of levels.

18:05 The challenge is when I'm using what I have as an identifying of who I am, the success lasts, and the enjoy and the fun and the excitement lasts for about ten minutes and then you have to do it again. And so that's where it burnout happens. And that's where people kind of you know, take negative outcomes in their life and they stop doing things that really have an impact because they found in them an emptiness because it didn't substitute for this feeling of worth. But when I come from this place of worthiness, when I come from this place of identity who I'm created to be, now, all of a sudden, the outcome is the possession, the position, the title I'm not chasing, the title I'm releasing who I am. Like I talked about the tell of one of our chapters, unleashing your ear on hiding, when that hero shows up, when the person I'm the innate person, like you'd said, shows up, and all of a sudden, those outcomes are those accomplishments and things. There's a difference between the two. To one is a great satisfaction and joy and fulfillment. The other one is a momentary success that I have to replicate to just become good enough.

19:06 Well exactly. And you know you've titled it life mastery. What concept that you have for life mastery and while you name your book that, how do you define that idea and how's it different from all these other personal development methods that we talk about and that I've talked about on my show for years. Yeah, that's a great question. I think life mastery for me as a Christian, it comes from a biblical perspective. In the first chapter of the Bible Genesis, there's this time when the Word says that God, God, Jesus, in the Holy Spirit, we're together, and he says, let us make man outer image and our likeness and let them have dominion overall creation says the birds are there, the fish of the sea, and it goes on after that, well, that we're dominion to dominate. There's a sub synonym for itant, it's to master or to have mastery, and so for us, it's returning to your original mandate of having mastery over creation, it says in the Word of God. But the interesting thing that I find out with the people I work with in my own life as well, I can't master my world around me if I can't master myself. And so for us it's never an outward journey, but an inward focus of saying, okay, well, how do I master myself.

20:16 How do I live up to the created value day and eate value of who I am and in that place being able to have the life that I've desired, not having burnout, not having success at last a moment, not having income and all these things, but having parts of my life that are a disaster, but having the fulfilling, complete, amazing life the impact you're supposed to have. I tell people, there's an impact in the world that has your name on it. And in that place when you show upas who you are, when you live from that place of maximum value and life mastery, then that impact is exactly what the world needs. That thing, that that passion that's on the inside that you know, those places where you're you're so fulfilled, you just start focused and you lose trek of time and you don't eat meals because you know this is exactly who I'm created to be. That's what the focus is for us. And how's life mastery different? Well, at least in my own experience, when I walked through a lot of personal development programs, many of them were habit modification instead of transformation. They brought change, and so you know, you deal with fear by the right mantras, the right affirmations, and those tools, you know, those things that you do, those exercises that you walk through, and those never really worked for me because in many cases they were either habit modification. And the challenge with that is the habit I used to get there, is that habit I used I have to maintain to stay there.

21:34 And in that place, there's no sense of freedom, there's no sense of transformation. It's just me working the program long enough so that I keep those things away that are stopping me from the success I want. And at the end of the day, that leads to what I consider the worst possibility, which is exhaustion, not transformation. And the other challenge was with many of the programs that I was involved in. While they brought change and had value, the challenge was there was this under and that you have this idealized version of the person you're created to be. Many times it was the person who's the author or the program developer or whoever it is. And so really it came down to, well, if you want to be awesome like me, do the things that I'm doing, and eventually you'll have the things that I have. And again, for me, there was this understanding that while I'm not you, and so while I strive to imitate you so I can be like you when I get to the end of it, really all I'm doing is earning second place, because there's an original and then there's the copies and that place there's no fulfillment. There's just again habits that I use to try and keep fear and failure away and try and get success to overcome it. So where does life master come in. While we start with that thing that you talked about. I love the word that you used innate for us. We call it identity who you were created to being what your life has told you are. And so we use some tools and strategies to unpack that help you to kind of have some revelation of the person you're created to be, separated from your experiences, separated from your accomplishments. And in that place, it's not an idealized version of somebody else. It's saying, Okay,

23:06 so if this is who you're created to be, what's the life that you're created for. What's the maximum level of life? We call it the life mastery life? What does that person look like? So in that place you're not striving for somebody else's version of success. You're saying, what's the thing that brings fulfillment to me in every area of my life? Well, and you talk about affirmations, and as you talked about, you know, with a little bit of a negative connotation to that, And yet what I have found is, in fact, when I was going through some courses with personal development, one of the things we talked about is affirmations. If you use an affirmation that you really in your mind don't believe there's not going to be any effect. If you use an affirmation and worded in a way that there's actually that faith and belief that that's going to happen, that can make a difference in somebody's life. So what are your thoughts? What are your thoughts about that? Well, let me get back to another question then we'll get back to that. I just want to make a comment on that. As people are really seeking to understand who they are, their purpose, how important is it to really identify what their values are and how do they do that?

24:20 Because again, as you know and I know, we are so inundated with society and environment and all of that to tell us what our values should be, and that's where you get into the imposter syndrome again. But how do we discover what our true values are? What is the methodology that you teach your clients on how they can discover what their values are so that as they start moving forward, it's in alignment with their genuine and true values. Yeah. I think that's a great question, doctor Doug. I think for us, it's really starting to unpack first and foremost identity who you are. Is starting to understand the things that you are separating you from your activity, separating you from your accomplishments, which is absolutely counterculture to what most advertising and all sorts of programming shows. Right. It's in fact, if you took everything apart that had some sort of value system that said that when you have this, you'll be this, whether it's successful, happy, excited, accomplished, whatever.

25:19 If you took all of those instet of aside, I don't think there would be any media in general, because those are those hot button things that cause people to want to grab items. But the challenge with that is everybody I know, and specifically people I've worked with who've used that model of success will bring value. Success will bring fulfillment. Success will bring peace. They don't find it at the end of that rainbow. At the end of that rainbow is just the need to do it again. And so for us, it really comes down to identity, and it comes down to understanding who you are, a character of who you are, and it's this place of celebrating who you are is one of the tools that we use as a celebration. List what you love you and so as.

26:01 You went through this, as you went through this process, how did you figure out who you were? What was the methodology that you went through? Yeah? Absolutely. I think for many of us, innately we understand parts of who we are, but their mass behind the lies that we believed. And so for us, the first step is an im statement who are you? Apart from your things? And so I have everybody I work with create an I am statement. If you're a person of faith like I am, that starts with a conversation with God and with simple sentence of God, who did you create me to be? And you start to write those things down and again, it's not my accomplishment, it's not my roles, it's not my trophies, it's who I am. Innately, as a person at your character of who yours that value right, It's the things that bring passion, It's the things that bring joy, It's the things that bring empathy and care and love. It's that part of you. And then secondarily is the celebrationalist. What do you love about you?

26:53 The challenge with many of the high achievers that I work with is they first see their failures before they see their successes. And there's something in that and being able to reconcile those things and get better at your job, your role, your entrepreneurship journey. But the challenge is we also see that in ourselves that we're not good enough until we're perfect. And so for us, it's really kind of unpacking some of that and saying that you have innate value worth and worthy of being celebrated now. And so it's not really a value system of things that we achieve, but it's an unpacking of who we are and in that place, your values will align with that. And if I can unpack that thing a little bit about affirmations, I love what you said there, and there is a difference. So in life master we use affirmations and so we differentiate the two. There's the generic affirmations of I'm rich, I'm wealthy, I'm a mat of piece, I have joy, I have love, and all of these things that are generic, and those are ones that never really stick because, as you said, they don't really align to anything. But with us, those affirmations have a through line to identity affirmations, with the understanding that this is who I am, and so for me, it's a person of strength and worth. It's a person of value who's all in and passionate about the things he does, who's compassionate with those he cares about, who he's measured and blessed in all the things that he does. So those affirmations are tied to an identity, so they are able to be a true statement, not a fantasy. And so yeah, there's a difference between affirmations that are generic in nature,

28:24 and you try and save them over and over again to bludgeon your thoughts into alignment or ones that are attached and aligned with who you are created to be. And then that place they have the place of you know, as you probably already understand, because of the work you do creating those neuroplastic structures that bring empowering thoughts and results. Yes, And so if you were if you were to take okay, so okay, I'm going to be a client if yours all right? And I am a mess, just a total mess. What is a methodology that you're going to take me through in order to take me? You know, and we've already talked about helping me to understand myself with who I really am and values and so forth.

29:05 But from there, what's the methodology that you're going to take me on. What's the journey that you're going to take me on to help me to get to the point where I'm actually literally able to get to where I am. I've truly become and therefore my actions, everything I'm doing is a result of who I am, not who I. Want to be. That's a great question, and I'll do this, I apologize, but I'll do this super generically because there's a lot that we could unpack. So it definitely will start with identity, right. There's an im statement, there's a celebrational list, there's an accomplishment list, and so it brings a bit of an encapsulation of Okay, well this is who I am, but it also is the fuel for your affirmation. So it starts with identity for sure, who you are. The second is the transformational strategy. And much of this I'm sure is very familiar with you. It's mastering your thoughts, words, and actions. It's mastering your thoughts because there's nothing you do in your life, there's nothing you attain, there's nothing you stop from attaining that isn't first a thought in your head of believing you can do it and then walking towards it, or believing you can't and stopping yourself from trying.

30:09 Okay, so we're talking mindfulness here, really mastering exactly how do you do that? Do you use meditation, do you use yoga, what do you How do you help people to really get to the point where they can master that and get that mindfulness where they've become masters over that? Yeah? Absolutely. And so there's a couple of things that you and I both understand. One is that you can only have one thought at a time, and the other is that you have the full ability to master your thoughts, meaning that my thoughts aren't arbitrary things that just happen and I try and bludging them into alignment, but they're things that I can reload. If you'd call it that in the computer language, so that you have positive thought patterns, positive thoughts before they happen. And so for us it is affirmations. It starts with understanding, Okay, well what am I telling myself? If what I say about myself isn't align with what I'm created to be, then it's lying to me. And then that is a choice of choosing the thoughts that I entertain, those that I continue to affirm and meditate on, versus those that I just allowed to happen. Life by design, not by default the title of the book, and so we use affirmations to master your thoughts. We use it with meditations. The recommendation is that you start your day, you're injurr day, and somewhere in between you do the same. And it's creating an affirmation that aligns with through your CREATI to be. It starts with your im statements, your celebrational lists, and your affirmation list and using that as a continue ability to affirm who you are. Use it as a meditation, and

31:40 in that place you start to see that person show up. Well, and you talk about meditation and you know, as I've interviewed so many different people, there are so many different types of meditation. Now, have you found for you and your clients that there's a simple approach to meditation that seems to work? And if so, what is that approach for you? And then yeah, absolutely, I think there's a repetitiveness in doing it first and foremost, and for us, meditation really comes down to what are you saying to you repeatedly? So it's not just an affirmation, but the thing that we talk about is that hero and hiding what does that hero look like? And being able to visualize. Visualization comes in as well, saying okay, what does this person look like? So before I'm walking into a stressful situation at my job or work or relationship, okay, well what is the hero you look like? Lived out? And as you start to understand that, you start to live it out.

32:39 But it's really using it, using the affirmations, using the consistency and doing them and starting to moll over, Okay, what do I look like? Lived out? And start to elevate your understanding of who you are and the life that you're created for. And do you find that that's what you're calling meditation or is there actually breath work? Is there? You know, whether listening to music or not to help them with that. Is there a point time where they're going to spend twenty to thirty minutes and literally meditate with the idea that part of that meditation includes the affirmations that are going to help them to become what's your methodology on that. No, that's a great question as well. So we talked about the identity, We talked about the transformational strategies. I don't know that we'll have time to unpack the four pillars of life, mastery, identity, experience, meaning, and emotions, but that breath work one is definitely a part of it.

33:34 And really that's more of a for us. It is in engaging so that your emotional well being is associated within meaning this. You know, we have these emotions, whether it's anxiety, anger, worry, stress, fere and so for us, part of the breathwork that we use is really kind of a I guess you would call it replacement in using a breath exercise to speak through an affirmation and the affirmation is right, I release anger, I receive piece, I release anger, I received piece. Whatever the challenges that you're doing, and so you kind of attack them from the emotional level of using reinforcement of their empowering emotions and decreasing the ability and they focus on your disempowering ones.

34:15 So there's definitely breathwork involved, but there's a specificity to it, and not breathwork as breathwork alone or breath work can alignment with and the result that we're looking for. Well, and you know, you talk about the four pillars, and yeah, we have a little bit of time, so briefly talk about those four pillars and then based on what time we have, we might get into it a little more depth. Yeah. Absolutely, So the four pillars that we talk about, all of life happens in under these four pillars of identity, experience, meaning, and emotion. And so what I tell the folks that I work with is you're either living from identity or you're living from experience. You're past and forming your present, creating your future. And so in that place again, you either living from who you're created to be. Your life has told you. If you're not aligned with your identity, then you're living from your experience. And what the problem is with experiences, it's not the experience itself. There's good and there's bad. There's wonderful experiences, and there's you know, amazingly tragic experiences. You know, I've spoken about one of them earlier in my life that was tragic. Losing your children is never a great thing, and so we don't tell people that, you know, just transform it to it a good experience, act like it is something that's wonderful.

35:26 It's the meaning that you attach to it. What's the meaning of the experience. People can walk through horrible experiences and come out the other side, like you said, being empowered and unleashed and feel that they're able to move forward in a positive and empowering way. And those are people who are held back by it and live from that place for the rest of their lives. So it's not the experience you've walked through, because people have gone through horrible ones and done great People have gone through great ones and done badly. It's the meaning you give it. Yeah, And for the people we work with, it's not the meaning of the experience. Again, I don't change a bad experience to a god one just by changing the title. But it's the meaning that you give it. In regards to your identity, what does my experience say about me?

36:09 You said, it earlier, and I thought that was really profound what you said. You talked about people having a victim mentality. See, that's an identity statement that we give to an experience. Two people can walk through the same experience that's badly. One saying I'm going to learn and grow from this and get better because I do, and another one's saying this has ruined me. It's going to change the rest of my life in a negative way. It's not the experience, and it's not the meaning of the experience. It's what the experience says about me. And so for us we talk about that. So if you're not living from identity, you're living for me experience and the meaning you give it is typically a disempowering meaning about yourself. Oh well I didn't have a success in that last business. It failed and we went bankrupt. Well, I guess I'm not meant for business success. That relationship didn't work out. Well, I guess I'm not meant for love.

36:52 It's the identity statement you take from your experience. And then there's the emotion, which is the fourth pillar. And the interesting thing is many of the programs that I've studied and tried to implement Start with emotions, start with really emotion management, right, anger management or fear management. They're trying to overcome the emotion. And the thing I tell people is the opposite is actually true. The emotion is actually the only honest thing in the conversation. Because again, so my wife and I lost our daughters. Grief, worry, stress and all that. What's the meaning that you take from it? For us, it was something were able to unite in and walk through. And while we were able to deal with the grief, we were able to understand that because we've walked through this, we can empathize with other people and help them walk through it as well.

37:41 An empowering meaning that we brought to it Because of that, the emotion was an honest one of grief and stress and sadness and all of those things. But in it was a place of release and peace and reconciliation to the event and walking through it. But a person who's walked through that, oh, I lost my whatever, I lost my I'm a failure in my life. What's the emotion that would come attached if I was a failure, if that things were horrible in my life? Stress, worry, anxiety, fear, so the emotion is the only honest thing in it. But if I change the meaning as an empowering meaning, if I align the meaning with my identity and not what the experience tells me I am, then the emotion that comes from it is empowering emotion. The emotion isn't the issue. The emotion is just aligning with the meaning that you've given it, and that meaning is an identity statement you've told yourself. When I change that and live from who I'm created to be, not what my life has told me, then the meanings are empowering ones and the emotions are positive ones.

38:39 Moving forward well, and you know, I love your concept of the use of the emotions, and I'm sure you're familiar with a couple of the emotional scales that are out there. I've actually studied too, very deeply, and what I find fascinating is for people to get to a point where they can really become aware, they can get that clarity in their mind that you know what, I am not living my purpose, I'm not really living my values. I'm not aligned with those. And one of the best ways that that can happen is to analyze your emotions in different circumstances, And you know the ones that I look at are you know, you've got you've got a level of just kind of equality of good and not so good. And below that level you've got the anger, you've got the frustration, you've got the victimhood, you've got all of that. Above that is the sense of peace, of love, of tranquility and all of those type of things.

39:38 So have you looked at that at all? And have you found that that helps to understand people when you start to observe what their emotions are and help them to understand that, Hey, if your emotion is below that line, then you've got some you've got some problems here that are causing you to live a life that you're telling me you're not happy with. Yeah. Absolutely, I think that's spot on. And the thing that I tell people is the emotions are a wonderful flag that is put up that lets you know something you need to address in somewhere you may need to examine yourself. Right, So, as you said, those deeper level emotions of anger, of warrior, of stress, of anxiety, are you know, they're not something to be attacked and managed. There's something to be understood.

40:23 But again with that unpacking of Okay, well, where is this coming from. They're not an end all and they're not a horrible thing in your life. There's something that gives you an indication that there's an opportunity in an area that you get to address well. And you've mentioned a lot of your clients or business people and some very successful millionaires as you say, and so on and so forth. But let's talk a little bit about just personal relationships, marriages, family relationships, friendships. What have you found are the challenges and that and how does the imposter syndrome affect that, and how does what your doing and the steps that you're teaching helps someone to change that whole movie.

41:06 Yeah, that's a great question. You know, it reminds me of one of our clients, a young man who was you know, he was in the business fair and he was doing well there and he didn't feel like he had any challenges, but his challenge was the guy who showed up at home. A lot of times we think that we can compartmentalize our emotions and you know, stress and the worry and the issues of work never bleed over into our home life and vice versa. In his case, it was not necessarily a business issue, but a relational one. Again, living from who you're created to be or which a life has told you. His life had some challenging family experiences and circumstances in his childhood and young adulthood that really, you know, wounded and hurt him in many ways because of those relational dysfunctions, and because of that, the men that showed up at home, you know, as the husband, as a father, with somebody who was guarded, with somebody who was stoic, with somebody who was reserved in a place of not letting the family and not letting his wife really know where he's at. And so in business, of course it makes sense that you know, working with these tools and strategies helps, but the challenges that people don't understand is it also affects relationships, which is why you find people of great success at business who can be a disaster in their relationships. You wonder, well, how does this correlate? Well, because success was the determination of identity, it was an outworking of it. So for him it was really understanding and unpacking Okay, you know, emotions, right, identity experience meaning and emotions the meaning he took from family dysfunctions gave him the feeling of you know, I need to be guarded, I can't trust anybody. I need to build these walls and all of these things. Well,

42:38 those things are amazingly counterproductive in marriage and in parenting when you're not able to show up in care and have compassion and be vulnerable and honest and authentic with the people that want to be that. So for him it was really unpacking some of that, and not in the business area, although it helped him in relationships there as well, But it was really primarily his knee to have a family that he was not just there for as a provider, but therefore as a resource, as somebody who can be counted on, somebody who can bring compassion and karen love into the relationship the things he wanted to do. But he didn't realize he was living from what his life had told him. He was being guarded against what used to happen, and in that place, he wasn't showing up authentically as the man he wanted to be.

43:21 But on the other side of it, when you're mastering your thoughts, words and actions, when those are telling you that you know you can come in and be vulnerable. What I find really to be totally honest, doctor Doug, is when I understand who I'm created to be, and I know that that's not just good enough, but that's exactly who I'm supposed to be. I'm not looking for somebody else to make up the difference. And so I give my spouse permission to be who she is because I'm authentically showing up as who I am. And in that place, even in those places where there's negative interactions that can be like ooh, that really hurt because it made you feel like you weren't as good as you didn't do as well as you maybe failed supposedly, you could start to show up as who you are. And in that place, in the breath work, in the work of transformational strategies, they have permission to be who they are, and even if they are dealing out of a dysfunction in their life, it doesn't affect who I believe I am, and so I still show up authentically and give them permission to do the same.

44:18 And did it make a difference in his life and in his relationship as you worked with him. Yeah, a huge difference. As I tell people, if I don't know who I am. My wife has to make up the difference. And in that place it can be exhausting of having to walk in eggshells or make sure everything's perfect, or don't say anything that might be construed as something negative. But in that place of him walking in as the person he was created to be, understanding that his past experience, while they were bad, we never tell people to ignore your experiences, act like they didn't happen, but we invite them to not let those experiences tell them who they are anymore. As he walked in that he was able to really show up as the man he was believed he could be, and in the person that is Life wanted him to be a man who was available and vulnerable and honest with her.

45:04 Oh that's great. So how do people find you? How do people find your book? Yeah, you can reach out on my website, which is that freedom dash four Dashlife dot net Freedom dash four Dashlife dot Net. I have an electronic version of my book there where you can get that. And the book, what I call is the shortcut version of life. Mastery gives you quick nuggets and tools and things and strategies you can lift today. But the full fledged courses out of my website as well. Oh that's fantastic. Well, so as we close, is there a message that you'd like to share with the audience kind of as your final thoughts. Yeah, the one thing I would wish and and I hope for everybody is the same thing that the one thing I did right in looking at personal development and not finding the transformation, so I created Life Mastery. There was this one thing that kept me going in it was a belief in myself and a refusal to give up.

45:57 If you refuse to give up on you, if you bet on yourself one more time, the transformational strategies that you're looking for are there. They're just one decision away. It's the decision doctor Doug or myself can't make. But if you make that decision, I've am pretty assured that you're going to find the transformational strategies for the life that you're created for. And that strategy that works for them. And I think and thank you for that, because I think it's so important. Everybody's going to identify with a different type of strategy. And so as they continue, as you say, don't give up, keep looking until you find the one that really resonates with you so Mark, I so appreciate you being on the show today. This has been fantastic and I love what you're doing.

46:39 Thank you so much, Doctor, it's been great conversation. Well, I appreciate it, and folks, I hope you've enjoyed this. Look forward to having you join us again soon. This is doctor Doug saying namastay.