Life Changing Anger Cure

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This program is designed to provide general
information with regards to the subject matters covered.

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This information is given with the understanding
that neither the hosts, guests,

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sponsors, or station are engaged in
rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,

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legal counseling, professional service, or
any advice. You should seek the

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services of competent professionals before applying or
trying any suggested ideas. At the end

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of the day, it's not about
what you have or even what you've accomplished.

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It's about what you've done with those
accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted

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up, who you've made better.
It's about what you've given back. Denzel

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Washington, welcome to Inspire Vision.
Our sole purpose is to elevate the lives

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of others and to inspire you to
do the same. Doctor Orman, how

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are you doing. I'm fine,
Doctor Doug, thanks for having me on

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your show. Hey, it's great
to have you on this show. This

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is going to be really interesting because
I've talked to a few people about how

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those emotions really create a response of
anger and frustration and so forth. So

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I think this is going to be
really a great conversation. But I'd like

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for you to share with the audience
your background and how did you end up

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getting to the point where you got
involved in this area and wrote your book.

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Yeah. So, I am an
internal medicine doctor. I have been

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so for fifty years, practiced for
twenty three years in a medical practice,

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and then spent fifteen years as a
corporate medical director. So I've been in

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the medical field, and then for
forty of those fifty years, I've also

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had a side interest in psychology and
helping people eliminate anger and stress, which

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has been an area of expertise of
mine. So and I got into both

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those areas because I had a lot
of anger and stress myself as a young

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man, as a younger physician going
through medical school, medical training, and

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my first few years of practice.
I used to get angry all the time.

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I used to get angry at my
patience if they didn't follow my advice.

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You know, I'd get angry at
the drop of a dime. I

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don't know if you ever saw John
McEnroe play tennis in his heyday. Yeah,

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and I took up tennis in my
late twenties, and I was literally

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not tennis wise, but anger wise. I was literally like John McEnroe in

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the tennis court, smashing my racket, yelling at myself if I have missed

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a shot, and annoying the people
playing, you know, on either side

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of me, and I just couldn't
control it, you know, and it

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was it was really it felt horrible. You know. I was successful professionally,

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but personally I didn't feel successful because
I had a lot of anxiety,

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a lot of anger. My relationships
all failed one after another, and I

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couldn't fix any of those things.
And I was used to fixing things,

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you know, if there was a
problem, I figured out a way to

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solve it. So that drove me
to go into personal development work because I

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tried all the standard anger management,
stress manage and stuff didn't help that much.

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Every day I'd still wake up be
the same angry guy. And so

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I got into personal development work,
and eventually I cobbled together a bunch of

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stuff from different people that I had
studied with, and I hit on something

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that finally enabled me to get my
hands on the controls of my anger and

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to be able to turn it off
in ways that I never even imagined were

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possible. Because I really didn't understand
anger as a human emotion. Despite all

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my training and even dabbling in psychology
and all that stuff, I still had

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big blind spots as to what was
really going on. And once I figured

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out what was going on, then
I was easily able. Not easily,

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but it took a little while,
but I was eventually able to get rid

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of most of my anger. And
then I started teaching people how to do

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the same thing because I knew it
was so important as a doctor, you

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know, I knew the anger was
so very important for people's health and well

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being. So I needed to share
these insights that I had. Well,

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us talk about that for a minute, because when we talk about stress,

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we talk about anger. What what
happens to the body system and what does

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that create that can cause all sorts
of physical ailments. Yeah, well,

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you know, for me, anger
is a subset of stress. In other

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words, stress is like this the
big umbrella term, right, And there's

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lots of different stressful problems we can
have in life, and anger is one

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of Anxiety is another one. You
know, financial problems, you know,

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family relationship problems, all those are
kind of under the umbrella stress. But

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all of them can stir up our
physiology, can cause abnormal hormones to be

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secreted, cortisolid, beinephrine, all
these things. It can raise your blood

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pressure, can't affect your immune system, can do all kinds of things that

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leito heart attacks and strokes and autoimmune
diseases and stuff that we still don't understand.

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We only have touched the tip of
the iceberg, you know, as

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to what stress can do and what
anger can do physiologically and health wise.

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But there's so there's a lot of
stuff that in the health arena that it

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has negative consequences, not to mention, you know, its effect on marriages,

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relationships, relationship with their kids,
and just all kinds of things,

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you know, your career decision making, getting addicted to substances, having accidents.

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There's so many different, you know, downstream negative consequences of having a

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lot of anger and stress that it's
a big health problem and most physicians are

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really aware of it, and all
the health professionals are aware of it.

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It's just that the solutions haven't been
all that great until now. And you

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know you mentioned court is all is
that one of the major major factors in

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health that is affected when the court
is all level is raised during the anger

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and the stress and so forth,
and then it just kind of stays up

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there because we never learned how to
get rid of that. And what are

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what are some of the very specific
effects of high cortisol in an individual system.

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It's called the stress hormone. I'm
not sure we understand all of its

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many implications, but it can.
It raises blood pressure. It actually affects

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the brain as far as our ability
to think and reason, and and it

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has you know, it has affects
all throughout the body and almost every organ

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system of the body. So it's
one of the hormones that has multiple effects,

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some of which are positive. But
when the levels go high, then

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it can cause difficulties. It can
raise your blood sugar, it can aggravate

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diabetes. You know, there's a
whole bunch of things that it can do

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that are not you know, do
not promote our health, but actually detract

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from our health. Well, And
the reason I asked that is because I

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know that oftentimes as the audience is
listening, there's those you know, and

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I've done this not with anger,
but with other things, and I hear

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something, I go, yeah,
yeah, well last, and you know,

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and so we talk about anger,
and I'm sure, some of the

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people out there saying, ah,
no, no, I don't have anger,

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I don't have stress, and yet
they're experiencing some physical ailments. And

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I think it's important for people to
understand that their health literally is affected by

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these emotions, by these situations.
So you ended up writing a book.

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What's the name of your book.
The most recent book that I wrote is

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called Doctor Orman's Life Changing Anger Cure. And what I do in that book

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is I have a coaching program that
I take people through. It's a ten

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session a coaching program I can do
over zoom, ten one hour sessions,

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and it literally can take people who've
been angry all their lives and nothing's helped

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them, and they've gone to therapy
and they've gone to anger management, they're

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still angry, And in ten one
hour sessions, I can show them a

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whole new way of understanding anger and
dealing with it, so that the end

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of those ten sessions, they have
a lot more control over their anger than

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they ever had before. Many of
them stop getting angry at things that used

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to trigger them all the time.
They just have a completely new understanding of

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this very common human emotion which we've
been struggling with for thousands of years,

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but they have a new way to
understand it that actually gives them control instead

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of their anger being in control of
them most of the time. So I

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put everything that I teach in that
program into that book so that people literally

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can get the book and don't have
to go through the program. The only

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thing I could do in the book
is coach people individually on an anger situation,

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the personal situation they might have.
I'm angry at my sister because she

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did this, this and that,
or I'm angry at my spouse because every

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time this happens. Those kinds of
unique situations I couldn't directly, you know,

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coach them on, but I gave
them a lot, give a lot

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of examples how you can apply the
principles in the book to any anger situation,

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specific situation you have. So the
whole blueprint is there, all the

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tools are there, the insights.
You can literally take that book and change

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your life with regard to anger so
that you have much less of it and

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you have a little much less of
the negative consequences from it. Okay,

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So what came to my mind immediately
was the saying, since you know we're

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both doctors physician heal thyself. Yeah, And you know what, think about

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it. How many times when you
had any if you have had any serious

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situations or even reasonably serious situations,
have you healed yourself versus going to another

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specialist to get some help. Well, that's where this all came from.

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It came forty years ago. Like
I said, I had a lot of

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anger in my twenties and thirties and
went through personal development and I figured out,

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you know, what I was missing, what I wasn't understanding about anger,

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And it surprised the hell out of
me that I was able to turn

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everything around. Because if you'd ask
me back then, did I ever see

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a possibility that I would stop being
an angry person or that I have much

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less anger than a and I've had
a of those last couple decades, I

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would say, No, that's just
who I am, that's my personality.

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I don't think it's ever going to
change. And that's only because I didn't

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really understand the process of how anger
gets generated inside all of us. And

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and so once I figured that out
and and applied it to myself, literally,

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I healed myself first. And once
I saw it, once I saw

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that it worked, I said,
Wow, I got to get this out

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into the world. I mean,
this is really an important health problem that

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people need to know. There's there's
some answers for now that can really make

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a difference. And that's when I
started writing and teaching and doing workshops and

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and speaking that and I've been doing
that for forty years on anger and stress,

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to just share what I learned with
people that helped me with my anxiety,

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with my relationship issues, with my
anger issues, all the stuff that

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I figured out how to finally,
you know, conquer that I knocking my

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head against the wall all those years. Yea. And as we're saying now,

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I mean, I just you know, I opened up the news just

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a while ago, the anger that
is existing on the campuses, the anti

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Semitism, and you know, and
that's just one area of anger that we

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see. Why is there so much
of this unnecessary anger and hatred and violence

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in the world. What's going on? In your basic opinion, In my

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opinion, with what I've learned worldwide, there's a basic misunderstanding of where anger

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comes from. We don't really understand
why we're feeling angry. We think we

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understand we look at the situations outside
of us that bother us, that trigger

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us to get angry, but we
don't really understand how the anger gets generated

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in our body. From that,
we think it's like a direct cause effect

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one causes too, because we see
the things we don't like, we feel

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the anger media, it looks like
it's a direct one to two cause effect

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relationship. So that's the model that
common sense wise we have about where our

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anger comes from. And what I
discovered forty years ago, to my surprise,

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is that anger is generated by it's
a four step process. It's not

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a two step process. There's there's
three causes them and then the anger.

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But two of the three causes are
invisible there there because they're inside of us.

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So there's the thing in the outside
world. There's what the Israelis are

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doing, what the Palestinians doing,
whatever it is, and what the government

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is. So it's the event,
well number one of the event, the

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event whatever, you know, what
our spouse said, what our busy,

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all that stuff, and then and
then we feel the anger. But there's

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two steps in the middle that are
inside our bodies and their brains, and

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we don't understand that. And we
and we're so we're missing two of the

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three critical puzzle pieces to understand where
our anger is actually coming from. And

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that's why people can't control their anger
or can't do anything about their anger,

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because they're totally in the dark and
they've really been badly educated and badly informed.

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You talk about misinformation, you know, everybody talks about misinformation politically,

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but there's a tremendous amount of misinformation
in psychology, in health fields, you

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know, where people just don't understand
the reality of why things happen and our

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emotions is one of the biggest areas
where there's a lack of emotional intelligence.

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Even the emotional intelligence movement lacks intelligence
in terms of why emotions occur. I've

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seen very little, good, solid, helpful information from the emotional intelli intelligence

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crowd. There's a lot of talk
about, well, if you handle your

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emotions well, you do better in
life, which is true, but they

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don't tell you, well, how
if I'm a person that doesn't handle my

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emotions, well, how do I
get to be a person that does?

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They're not very good at that.
Okay, well, that's what I like

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to teach people. How to do
we go from being not so good to

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be fantastic at handling your emotions,
and I love that. You know,

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it's interesting how and I'm sure you
observe this in the area of medicine that

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you were involved in, that so
often there are common misnomers about a particular

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issue, a particular health issue.
And yet some people you know, for

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instance, in my dental practice,
and I share this a lot that I

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actually studied with President Kennedy's personal physician
on treating head and neck pain. And

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it was fascinating because in dentistry they
call it TMJ. And you may have

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heard that terminology, right, So
people would walk into my office and go,

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doctor, I have TMJ, and
I'm looking at him. I'm going,

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well, wait a minute, now, you have two TMJs. You've

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got one on the right and one
on the left. What's your problem,

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what's the system? You know,
what's the symptom that you're experiencing. And

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so then they talk about headaches or
whatever that happens to be. And it's

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only then that I can get into
saying, Okay, let's discover whether it's

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a neurological issue, whether it's a
muscle issue, or whether it's a skeletal

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muscle issue, whatever it is,
and then get in and help them with

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that. And so often do you
see that happen? Did you see that

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happening a lot in internal medicine where
you would see that same kind of thing

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going on. So I find it
fascinating that you talk about the fact,

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and you're right. So many people
that talk about emotional intelligence and all of

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that type of stuff just get on
this bandwagon and they don't get to the

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real causation, the root cause.
So number one, what is what is

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one of those root causes that are
totally unknown to us subconsciously? What we

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don't understand about ourselves as human beings
is we don't really see the events that

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happen in the world accurate as they
actually are. Everything we perceive comes through

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filters. Our brain. Sheilters all
the data that's coming in. So there's

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just so much data coming in.
And this goes back to prehistoric times.

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You know, there's just so much
data coming in that the brain can't process

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it all. So it had to
kind of chunk it down, simplify it,

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you know, make it into some
you know, you had to make

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quick decisions Do I run, do
I stay? Is this dangerous as it

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non and the brain just had to
chunk things down enough so that we could

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make decisions and stay alive. Okay, but we've inherited that that that mechanism

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where the brain doesn't just perceive things
accurately. It leaves out a lot of

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stuff, and it reduces stuff and
simplifies stuff like cause effect relationships, for

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example, and the brain wants to
simplify that to you know, one causes

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too, and in real life there
can be a whole bunch of causes involved

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simultaneously, but our brains can't capture
it all very easily unless we stop and

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really deeply think about it. But
anyhow, so we're programmed, automatically programmed

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who see things not as they really
are, but in distorted sort of ways

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based on the different filters we have, and as we go through life those

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filters, we each develop our own
set of filters because based on our life

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experience. But some are cultural,
some are social, they get ingrained in

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us and anger. Actually, most
emotions come from different sets of filters that

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we view life through, and if
you believe that what you're seeing is true

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through those filters, then you get
the appropriate emotions. So there are three

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filters primary filters that cause anger.
In other words, there's three ways you

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have to be looking at things in
order to feel angry, and you have

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to believe each of those three things
is true, and if you do,

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then you get angry. Okay,
And they're not very different, they're not.

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You don't have to be a psychiatrist. You and I, as doctors

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and dentists, we can even understand. Yes, it's very simple, very

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simple. The three filters are First, you have to see something as somebody

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doing something bad or wrong they shouldn't
have done. So you know, we

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don't get angry if we think somebody
is doing something wonderful or terrific or fantastic.

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Okay, So immediately we have to
see it as bad and wrong.

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We have to see some hurt or
harm or negative impact coming from that bad

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and wrong behavior. Okay. And
the third thing is we have to see

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that person who's doing or thing could
be your computer that you're angry at.

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It's doing a bad and wrong thing, it's not working properly, whatever.

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We have to see that entity that's
doing the bad and wrong thing as being

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pretty much unilaterally or one hundred percent
responsible or to blame. So we have

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these very narrow blinders of blame where
that's all we focus on is what that

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person did or didn't do, and
that's the story that we tell ourselves.

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Somebody did something bad wrong, somebody
was hurt or harmed, somebody was to

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blame, and then we get angry. Okay, And I want to stop

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you there for a minute, because, as you brought up in the first

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place, that's totally based on their
perception, is it not, And their

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perceptions and their perception is total,
well almost totally based on those subconscious imprints

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that have been placed, as you
said, by society, by school,

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by teachers, by religion, by
all those type of things that may not

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be in fact quote true, yeah, or they're partially true, but they

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leave out a lot of stuff.
And if yes, there's a lot of

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holes and gaps in the understanding of
reality. And if you have those missing

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pieces, you might not react,
you know, emotionally, as intensely as

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you did, or even at all
in the same way you literally when you

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fill in those missing gaps. And
that's what our brain does. Our brain

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creates the gaps, but our brain
also sells it to us as the whole

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truth. So it's really like the
media. Our brains just like the media.

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They give you a spin, a
spun version of whatever it is they

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want you to believe, okay,
and they don't tell you what they're leaving

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out. They sell you what the
narrative as the whole truth and nothing but

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the truth. And we're used,
our brains are used to buying partial narratives

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as being complete narratives, and so
we're accepting a distorted, incomplete view as

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being the whole view. And that
is why we get so emotional by the

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way. People in the media know
how to provoke human emotions. That's their

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business, and they do it in
exactly this way. They give us.

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They give us distorted viewpoints of what
happened, knowing full well that it's going

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to trigger us to feel angry because
we're gonna blame We're gonna see somebody doing

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something bad wrong, We're gonna see
the hurting arm, and we're gonna blame

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that person. They know that's how
you create anger in human beings, and

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their business model depends on being good
at doing that, and our brains do

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the same thing. One of the
things I say is that our brains create

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more fake news every day than all
the media outlets you know in the world.

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You know, we're just constantly generating
fake news and believing it, you

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know, because we think it's they
think it's true. And a lot of

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times if we stopped and examined it
and ask some simple questions, you know,

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we say, oh, well,
I guess I was missing this,

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or I guess I didn't see that, or I guess this was left out

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of the picture. And our whole
emotional state will change once we see the

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world differently and see how things happened. Well, and you talk about that

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fake news, but you talk about
how our brain creates that. I smile

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because I get on TikTok once in
a while, because I do some short

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reels on TikTok, and and literally
I have I have seen some statements that

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I know, as I go in
and verify it one way or the other,

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there are absolutely one hundred percent untrue. There's no question about it.

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And yet people who listen to that
and listen to that, all of a

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sudden it becomes true for them.
Yes, yes, that's how it works.

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And then they get angry, and
they get angry, yeah, and

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they don't you week as an outside
observer, we can see they got angry

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because they bought into an untruth that
uh, and it fell true to them.

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Okay, And we can see what's
happening, but they can't because they're

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in the middle of it and it
looks and feels true to them. Well,

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And as we talk about the world's
situation right now, and I've seen

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this a lot in even smaller situations, but you have certain people that really

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get angry, all right, for
whatever reason, and then they are able

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to instill anger and others to the
point that you get a crowd anger.

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Yes, well, they're they're just
creating the they're just fortifying and reinforcing the

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filters that somebody did something ban and
wrong. So they tell you all the

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band wrong things that they did.
They tell you, they point out all

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the hurt and harm and damage that's
done by their bed and wrong behavior.

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Okay, And they tell you that
these people are one hundred percent responsible to

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blame. Nothing else was involved.
It was just them. And they know

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that that's just like the media.
They know that if they keep giving you

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that narrative, it's going to create
anger in you, because that's how we

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generate anger as human beings. But
nobody's ever told us or taught us that

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that's how anger gets generated. I
went through seven years of medical education,

319
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never a whiff of any of this
stuff. I have a lot of psychology

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study on my own, never really
encountered this kind of understanding and had to

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hit on it upon it on my
own. Fortunately, and then once you

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see what the reality, once you
see how your anger is being generated inside

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of you, you can do something
about it. I'll give you one.

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I'll give you an example. My
wife and I are about to celebrate our

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fortieth wedding anniversary, which, by
the way, would never have happened had

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I not figured this anger stuff out, because one of my relationships until my

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mid thirties crashed and burned, you
know, spectacularly because of my anger issues.

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But anyhow so, by the time
we got married, I had gotten

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rid of most of my anger.
My wife didn't have a lot of anger,

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so constantly, we never had a
lot of anger in our relationship.

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We didn't get in the fights,
we didn't get in the knockdown, drag

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out arguments, we didn't have any
of that stuff. But early on in

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our relationship there was this one weird
situation where we would start to fight with

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each other, and it was so
unusual for us that it stuck out like

335
00:24:07.200 --> 00:24:10.839
a sore thumb. I mean,
if you're arguing all the time, you

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wouldn't notice it, but we weren't. So the one time we started arguing,

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it was like, what is this? And it turned out it was

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only on car trips if we went
on a car trip somewhere, and even

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00:24:21.319 --> 00:24:25.039
more interesting, it never happened on
the drive to our destination. We never

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got into arguments when we were at
the place we at our destination. It

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only happened driving home. Oh well, and usually I was driving. I

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would be driving and we're driving home, and then somewhere along the way,

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my wife would say, Oh,
there's something over here. I'd really like

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to go see. It's only like
an hour off of our path. I'd

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really like to go see it.
And I would go like, no,

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we're not doing that. She would
go like, what do you mean We're

347
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not doing that? And I would
say, no, we're not doing that,

348
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you know to me? So I
saw her wanting to deviate from the

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straight path home as being a bad
and wrong thing that she was doing.

350
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Okay, because in my family,
when we went on car trips and when

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we left we drove directly home.
We didn't we stopped for gas for food,

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but we never would deviate. Her
family was completely different. They would

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always go off path and do these
side trips and everything. So when she

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asked for that, to me,
it was like a wrongdoing, you know,

355
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and I would have a tone in
my voice. I would be upset

356
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and angry, and she would perceive
that, and then she would wonder,

357
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why am I You know, she
didn't deserve that, and she would get

358
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angry at me. And then so
once I went back and I said,

359
00:25:32.240 --> 00:25:33.640
okay, let me see what's having
Okay, I'm angry. Let me look

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at the first filter. Am I
thinking she's doing something bad and wrong?

361
00:25:37.279 --> 00:25:41.160
Yes, I'm thinking she's doing something
bad wrong. Now I asked the important

362
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question, is she really doing something
bad and wrong? In truth? And

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a minute I asked that question,
I said, well, not really.

364
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I mean she's I mean, she's
just doing something, wants to do something

365
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differently the way I think it should
be done. But if I asked myself,

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is it really wrong? No,
it's not really wrong. It's just

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she has her preference. I have
my preference. When either one's right or

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wrong. And once I saw that
that, I kind of automatically, my

369
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filter, my brain automatically judged her
as being wrong for asking to go off

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course, and I saw it wasn't
wrong, it was just her preference.

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Minute I saw that, I said, Okay, this is a stupid thing

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for me to get angry about.
You know, she's not wrong, It's

373
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just she has her preference I of
mine. It's a marriage, you know,

374
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we support each other, we try
to make each other happy. So

375
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from that point on, my whole
view of that situation changed. So every

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time she wanted to deviate from where
we were going, I would say,

377
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sure, honey, if you want
to go there, let's go do it.

378
00:26:41.200 --> 00:26:45.000
Because my view of the situation had
expanded and changed, became more truthful,

379
00:26:45.680 --> 00:26:52.119
and I no longer saw her as
committing a wrongdoing that was somehow negatively

380
00:26:52.160 --> 00:26:56.559
impacting me. I saw it as
well, it's just a difference of preference,

381
00:26:56.720 --> 00:27:02.720
and fundamentally so I eliminated completely.
For the rest of our thirty eight

382
00:27:03.279 --> 00:27:06.559
and a half years, whatever it
was, we never have that argument anymore

383
00:27:06.640 --> 00:27:11.599
because I never look at the situation
the same way anymore. I've completely eliminated

384
00:27:11.640 --> 00:27:14.440
that anger episode, which was one
of only, you know, one of

385
00:27:14.480 --> 00:27:18.240
the few ones that we had.
And that's what's possible for all of our

386
00:27:18.279 --> 00:27:23.480
anger. If you can see beyond
that initial knee jerk perception where you see

387
00:27:23.480 --> 00:27:29.079
somebody's doing something wrong and hurting and
harming and being responsible, there's lots more

388
00:27:29.119 --> 00:27:33.400
stuff that gets left out from those
three narratives. If you can fill in

389
00:27:33.400 --> 00:27:36.799
some of the gaps, the anger
will diminish and sometimes completely go away.

390
00:27:37.279 --> 00:27:40.359
Okay, So you had mentioned too, Do that include both or is there

391
00:27:40.400 --> 00:27:44.640
another element here that is subconscious that
we're not even gonna aware of. There

392
00:27:44.640 --> 00:27:48.559
are two good thing okay, yes, So the first one is the first

393
00:27:48.599 --> 00:27:53.039
invisible, cause I remember said there's
three steps, and then the anger one

394
00:27:53.119 --> 00:27:56.519
it's not one step, and then
the anger it's one step, followed by

395
00:27:56.519 --> 00:28:00.359
two more. Those two are invisible, and then the anger, so it's

396
00:28:00.359 --> 00:28:03.960
a four step process. The first
one of those two steps is the filters.

397
00:28:03.559 --> 00:28:07.519
Okay. I just explained. Okay, And people should really take this

398
00:28:07.599 --> 00:28:11.519
and write them down on a post
it note on a sticky. Somebody did

399
00:28:11.559 --> 00:28:15.799
something bad wrong they shouldn't have done. Somebody was heard or harm negatively impacted,

400
00:28:17.319 --> 00:28:19.119
and the person who did the wrong
doing was one hundred percent responds fold

401
00:28:19.160 --> 00:28:23.559
or blame. Every time you are
angry about anything big anger, the kind

402
00:28:23.559 --> 00:28:29.400
of road rage, punching the hole
in the all down to I'm just annoyed,

403
00:28:29.440 --> 00:28:32.599
I'm irritated, I'm standing in line, things aren't moving as fast as

404
00:28:32.640 --> 00:28:37.599
I look. Any any range of
anger whatsoever always comes from those three filters.

405
00:28:37.039 --> 00:28:40.720
You're always looking at the situation from
those three. So it's the three

406
00:28:40.720 --> 00:28:45.559
filters. The second invisible cause is
our brains follow up on First, our

407
00:28:45.599 --> 00:28:49.759
brains joined the filtering, and then
our brains say to us, there's no

408
00:28:49.880 --> 00:28:56.440
filtering going on. You're perceiving what's
true. Our brain stamps it as true

409
00:28:56.880 --> 00:29:02.440
and sells it to us as true, and usually we buy it. Okay.

410
00:29:03.119 --> 00:29:07.880
So our brain is not letting us
question or or try to see past

411
00:29:08.119 --> 00:29:11.799
whatever the filters are telling us.
It's saying that we're true, and you

412
00:29:11.839 --> 00:29:15.599
want to know it's even worse.
That's how anger gets created. With those

413
00:29:15.599 --> 00:29:19.680
two extra steps. See through the
filters. Brain tells you what you're seeing

414
00:29:19.799 --> 00:29:22.960
is absolutely true. Don't question it, don't look for anything else. Okay.

415
00:29:22.960 --> 00:29:29.039
That generates the anger. Now look
what happens. The anger now makes

416
00:29:29.079 --> 00:29:32.960
us feel justified in what we're seeing. It makes us feel like we're right,

417
00:29:33.160 --> 00:29:38.319
which is like a double whamming,
and just encourages us to believe that

418
00:29:38.319 --> 00:29:42.200
we're true and we're justified and our
anger is righteous and we have every reason,

419
00:29:42.480 --> 00:29:45.720
every right to feel that way,
and everybody else should feel that way.

420
00:29:47.160 --> 00:29:52.559
And it's underneath it all are these
distorted perceptions that we don't even realize

421
00:29:53.160 --> 00:29:56.920
is what caught us up in the
anger. Well, the presence of mind

422
00:29:57.000 --> 00:30:03.480
to stop and go back. And
it's interesting that you know, we have

423
00:30:03.559 --> 00:30:07.200
to be right. It's an interesting
thing about the ego. You talk about

424
00:30:07.200 --> 00:30:11.000
the brain, We talk about the
ego. Yeah, people have to be

425
00:30:11.160 --> 00:30:14.599
right, and and that can be
such as you bring up, that could

426
00:30:14.640 --> 00:30:19.839
be such a dangerous attitude to have
something that we all have. But it

427
00:30:19.920 --> 00:30:25.559
evolved that way because it kept us
alive. Yes, because we had to

428
00:30:25.599 --> 00:30:30.039
make these quick decisions, these either
or right, wrong harm no harm,

429
00:30:30.359 --> 00:30:33.039
and we had whether we were right
or not. We had to believe we

430
00:30:33.039 --> 00:30:36.240
were right because we had to act
right. And it's better if you run,

431
00:30:36.440 --> 00:30:40.640
if you mistakenly think there's a saber
tooth tiger and it's just a bird

432
00:30:40.720 --> 00:30:45.880
rustling the branch near you and you
run. Okay, you're alive. You

433
00:30:45.920 --> 00:30:48.559
get to play again. But if
you make if you make a mistake the

434
00:30:48.599 --> 00:30:51.319
other way and you say, oh, I'm gonna poop pooh, it is

435
00:30:51.359 --> 00:30:52.680
no big deal. And then it
turns out to be a saber tooth tiger,

436
00:30:53.319 --> 00:31:00.079
you're You're gone. So this,
this needing to be right, had

437
00:31:00.119 --> 00:31:03.599
survival value, which is why we've
inherited it today. And so it has

438
00:31:03.720 --> 00:31:08.400
benefits, but also, like we're
talking about here, it has huge problems

439
00:31:08.400 --> 00:31:14.680
associated with it too. It causes
a lot of unnecessary suffering and angst and

440
00:31:14.759 --> 00:31:18.759
anxiety and anger and guilt and all
these other things because we think we're right

441
00:31:18.799 --> 00:31:22.920
about our perceptions, and a lot
of times we're not. Okay, so

442
00:31:22.640 --> 00:31:26.559
we go through that whole process,
we go through the filters. Our brain

443
00:31:26.599 --> 00:31:33.000
says, yeah, we're right.
What brings about the behavior that exhibits the

444
00:31:33.039 --> 00:31:37.440
anger, because sometimes sometimes there's no
outward behavior. A lot of times it's

445
00:31:37.480 --> 00:31:41.680
just that internal the cortisol reave arises
and on and so forth. But in

446
00:31:41.720 --> 00:31:45.480
most cases, as you said,
in most cases, people get angry,

447
00:31:45.680 --> 00:31:49.440
they shout, they yell, they
hit, they do whatever that happens to

448
00:31:49.480 --> 00:31:56.519
be what brings about that type of
activity from that anger that their brain has

449
00:31:56.559 --> 00:32:02.119
identified. It's the same thing,
can okay, So and each persons different.

450
00:32:02.519 --> 00:32:05.839
So it depends on the family you
grow up in, depends upon how

451
00:32:05.920 --> 00:32:08.799
anger was treated in your family and
your community and your peer groups whatever.

452
00:32:09.240 --> 00:32:13.720
Some people learn to not express anger, that it's dangerous, okay. Some

453
00:32:13.759 --> 00:32:17.119
people learn, you know, to
let it all out and and just release

454
00:32:17.160 --> 00:32:21.640
it. But the thing that you
have to realize the thing is that these

455
00:32:21.640 --> 00:32:24.559
are questions that come once the anger
is built up already, right, then

456
00:32:24.559 --> 00:32:27.279
there's a question, well, okay, what do I do with it?

457
00:32:27.319 --> 00:32:30.000
Now? Do I express it?
Don't I express it? If I do

458
00:32:30.119 --> 00:32:32.079
express it, how do I express
it? If I don't express it,

459
00:32:32.160 --> 00:32:35.880
what do I do to keep that
from bottling up inside of me and causing

460
00:32:35.920 --> 00:32:39.720
other problems? So these are all
things we've developed solutions for lots of time,

461
00:32:39.799 --> 00:32:45.319
individual solutions for and then those become
programmed as our patterned habits of behavior

462
00:32:45.359 --> 00:32:49.799
and responding to anger when it builds
up inside of us. What I'd like

463
00:32:49.880 --> 00:32:52.240
to do is, I like what
we're talking about here is showing people how

464
00:32:52.240 --> 00:32:54.880
to stop the anger for building up
inside of you, so you don't have

465
00:32:54.880 --> 00:33:01.119
to worry about that downstream. Those
good point man get there. Yeah,

466
00:33:01.200 --> 00:33:04.839
you don't have to worry about any
of that stuff. Get the red costs

467
00:33:04.880 --> 00:33:07.480
handled, and you don't have to
worry about the rest of it. That's

468
00:33:07.480 --> 00:33:10.079
interesting. So you shared, you
know, and I appreciate the transparency of

469
00:33:10.079 --> 00:33:14.400
you sharing your experience with your wife. What are some of the other examples

470
00:33:14.400 --> 00:33:19.799
you've had with clients that have really
been, you know, really interesting that

471
00:33:19.880 --> 00:33:22.079
you could share well? I had
years ago. I had a guy that

472
00:33:22.200 --> 00:33:25.599
came to me, a small business
owner, a lot of anger, a

473
00:33:25.640 --> 00:33:31.200
lot of stress, and he had
seen two prominent mental health professionals in our

474
00:33:31.240 --> 00:33:37.720
area. A stress management psychologist he
worked with for three months couldn't help him.

475
00:33:37.079 --> 00:33:39.920
Finally threw up his hands and said, you need to see a psychiatrist.

476
00:33:42.119 --> 00:33:44.880
Wasn't happy about that, but he
went to see the psychiatrist. After

477
00:33:44.920 --> 00:33:49.319
two sessions, a psychiatrist kicked him
out, said you don't really have what

478
00:33:49.359 --> 00:33:52.079
it takes to do well in psychotherapy. Go back to the psychologists you were

479
00:33:52.079 --> 00:33:55.039
working with. And then, finally, at a frustration, a friend referred

480
00:33:55.079 --> 00:34:00.359
him to me and I started working
with him, and in just five sessions

481
00:34:00.079 --> 00:34:02.839
he started to see improvement in his
anger and stress for the first time in

482
00:34:02.880 --> 00:34:06.960
his life. And he was a
guy who was totally written off by,

483
00:34:07.119 --> 00:34:12.199
you know, traditionally well trained,
very successful, prominent mental health professionals.

484
00:34:12.239 --> 00:34:15.039
They just didn't have this particular understanding
of stress and anger that I had.

485
00:34:15.760 --> 00:34:21.239
And I could help this guy like
immediately when he had been struggling for years

486
00:34:21.400 --> 00:34:24.840
and more recently with the help of
some professionals, they couldn't do anything for

487
00:34:24.920 --> 00:34:29.880
him. And it was all because
they had the traditional stress management sort of

488
00:34:29.880 --> 00:34:34.480
mindset and I didn't. And I
had a different way of understanding these human

489
00:34:34.519 --> 00:34:37.199
problems. And the guy was a
champ. I mean, he really turned

490
00:34:37.199 --> 00:34:42.559
his whole life around as far as
stress is concerned, and you know,

491
00:34:42.559 --> 00:34:46.199
he had a great success. Another
guy that was in his sixties been angry

492
00:34:46.239 --> 00:34:51.559
all of his life. Everybody in
his family was angry, and he was

493
00:34:51.599 --> 00:34:54.679
starting to have problems with his marriage
as a second marriage starting to have problems.

494
00:34:54.760 --> 00:34:59.480
He finally came to me because his
wife gave him an ultimatum, and

495
00:34:59.519 --> 00:35:02.840
he came to me and told me
about this history of whole life of anger

496
00:35:02.880 --> 00:35:07.239
and I said, no problem,
we can fix that, and so he

497
00:35:07.280 --> 00:35:09.800
went through my ten session program.
The guy was like a completely different human

498
00:35:09.800 --> 00:35:14.079
being. I mean he didn't even
get angry on the golf course anymore.

499
00:35:14.079 --> 00:35:15.320
Where he used to always, you
know, you know, yell and scream

500
00:35:15.360 --> 00:35:17.599
if he hit a bad shot or
something like that. He stopped doing that.

501
00:35:17.920 --> 00:35:21.800
His wife was just amazed at how
much he changed in a short period

502
00:35:21.800 --> 00:35:24.280
of time. I mean, the
things these changes are entirely if you have

503
00:35:24.480 --> 00:35:30.320
the right understanding and you have the
missing puzzle pieces, which most people don't

504
00:35:30.320 --> 00:35:34.079
have, even many people in the
anger field don't have them. Okay,

505
00:35:34.159 --> 00:35:37.519
yeah, you have the right pieces
and you have all the pieces of the

506
00:35:37.519 --> 00:35:40.440
puzzle, it's easy to figure out
solutions and help them well. And you

507
00:35:40.480 --> 00:35:44.519
know, one thing that comes to
my mind, and as I'm sure you're

508
00:35:44.519 --> 00:35:47.000
aware, I interview a lot of
different people about a lot of different things,

509
00:35:47.000 --> 00:35:52.000
and you're hitting on some very interesting
points. One of the first things

510
00:35:52.000 --> 00:35:58.639
you talk about is with those filters. And oftentimes those filters are really a

511
00:35:58.760 --> 00:36:04.559
result of our perception, which is
the result of the subconscious imprints that have

512
00:36:04.679 --> 00:36:08.519
been placed on us as children,
and obviously as we grow older, they

513
00:36:08.519 --> 00:36:14.559
still get there. So have you
found because I haven't heard you talk a

514
00:36:14.599 --> 00:36:17.239
lot about you know, what a
lot of people do is getting in and

515
00:36:17.280 --> 00:36:23.000
talking about those subconscious belief systems and
so forth, and somehow figuring out how

516
00:36:23.000 --> 00:36:28.599
to those out or let them go. What have you found in your experience

517
00:36:28.679 --> 00:36:34.440
with the methodology that you're using and
teaching people, which they're seeing incredible results

518
00:36:34.440 --> 00:36:38.480
with what happens to all that subconscious
stuff. I don't have to get involved

519
00:36:38.480 --> 00:36:42.320
with that. I assume it's there. I agree with you, it's there

520
00:36:42.400 --> 00:36:45.960
probably, but I don't need it
to relieve them of their anger. All

521
00:36:45.960 --> 00:36:51.280
they need to know is those three
filters and then they're same and all that's

522
00:36:51.400 --> 00:36:54.719
part of the unconscious programming that we
all get stuck with is somebody did something

523
00:36:54.719 --> 00:36:59.119
bad wrong, somebody was hurting harm, somebody was unilaterally ablame. We have

524
00:36:59.159 --> 00:37:02.880
those three prominent you know, conversations
going on all the time, and all

525
00:37:02.920 --> 00:37:07.559
people have to it doesn't matter where
they came from or how and that individual

526
00:37:07.599 --> 00:37:13.800
they got cemented so strongly that's what's
causing their anger. However they got there

527
00:37:14.519 --> 00:37:16.760
doesn't really matter in the sense.
So now this is what you're stuck with

528
00:37:16.880 --> 00:37:21.960
every time you get angry, these
three filters got activated. Now the question

529
00:37:22.079 --> 00:37:24.679
is what can I do about those
three filters? And that's where you need

530
00:37:24.719 --> 00:37:29.480
to step in and start questioning them
and start telling the truth. And it

531
00:37:29.519 --> 00:37:32.519
doesn't matter what your past history has
been or how they got there. There

532
00:37:32.519 --> 00:37:36.119
are problems for you right now in
the moment. Are they true or they

533
00:37:36.199 --> 00:37:38.199
not true? And you have to
figure that out each time, and you

534
00:37:38.199 --> 00:37:44.239
have to ask those questions each time, and that's really what relieves the anger.

535
00:37:44.320 --> 00:37:47.760
So you don't need to process all
the who's struck John? And how

536
00:37:47.800 --> 00:37:51.159
that's you know, who dropped you
on your head when you were three and

537
00:37:51.480 --> 00:37:55.079
all this kind of stuff, because
it still boils down to is it true

538
00:37:55.079 --> 00:37:59.000
that they did something bad wrong?
Is it true that negative you know,

539
00:37:59.320 --> 00:38:02.000
hurt and harmon occurred? Is true
that they were one hundred percent responsible?

540
00:38:02.000 --> 00:38:06.760
You don't I don't blame, or
where there are other causes involved? And

541
00:38:06.800 --> 00:38:09.400
those are the questions you need to
keep wrestling with, Okay, And so

542
00:38:09.880 --> 00:38:15.760
really this is focusing on anger because
obviously, but you know what, you

543
00:38:15.760 --> 00:38:19.679
can do the same process on any
other emotion because they all come from a

544
00:38:19.760 --> 00:38:23.400
small set of filters. If you
just know the filters that produce anxiety or

545
00:38:23.400 --> 00:38:28.719
that produce guilt, or that produce
frustration and produce sad it's the same process.

546
00:38:28.960 --> 00:38:32.400
They're distorted. The filters have distortions
in them, the distortion you're you're

547
00:38:32.519 --> 00:38:37.400
you're assuming that they're not distorted,
but they are. And it's your distortive

548
00:38:37.480 --> 00:38:40.239
views that are causing your emotion.
Now you got to figure out what's really

549
00:38:40.280 --> 00:38:44.719
true when you when you hit on
the truth, boom, the emotion goes

550
00:38:44.760 --> 00:38:47.920
away. Okay, so you really
you've really been mindful. You don't have

551
00:38:47.960 --> 00:38:52.320
to punch anything, you don't have
to run five miles, you don't have

552
00:38:52.360 --> 00:38:54.760
to do deep breathing. You just
tell you just get in touch with the

553
00:38:54.840 --> 00:39:00.719
truth about what really happened as opposed
to what your filters are you happen,

554
00:39:00.519 --> 00:39:06.599
and then the motion dissolves. Okay, and it really boils down to really

555
00:39:06.679 --> 00:39:13.119
being aware, conscious, mindful of
those things. And when that happens.

556
00:39:13.199 --> 00:39:16.039
I find this fascinating and that's why
I recommend it. I say you should

557
00:39:16.039 --> 00:39:21.000
write these down on an index card
because you won't see them. They're invisible.

558
00:39:21.320 --> 00:39:22.920
But you can now have a prompt. You know, every time you

559
00:39:22.920 --> 00:39:25.960
get angry, you can pull out
the index card, not in the middle

560
00:39:25.960 --> 00:39:29.440
of when you're angry, but I
mean when you're thinking about it later on.

561
00:39:30.639 --> 00:39:32.360
In this card. Okay, these
are the three filters that got triggered,

562
00:39:32.400 --> 00:39:37.280
that caused my anger in that situation, and you can practice remembering it.

563
00:39:37.280 --> 00:39:39.920
It's like training wheels. You could
practice remembering remembering. After a while,

564
00:39:39.960 --> 00:39:43.360
you don't need the card anymore,
you know. Okay, I got

565
00:39:43.360 --> 00:39:49.320
angry. Now I know I got
angry. You know that's great. So

566
00:39:49.880 --> 00:39:52.840
as we close up today, if
there was one message that you could share

567
00:39:52.840 --> 00:39:59.000
with the audience that you'd like to
share with them that could have an effect

568
00:39:59.000 --> 00:40:01.199
on them, what would that be? Yeah? I think the main thing

569
00:40:01.360 --> 00:40:07.239
is not to get trapped in the
myth that once an angry person, always

570
00:40:07.239 --> 00:40:14.119
an angry person. It's not true. We stay angry not because it's part

571
00:40:14.159 --> 00:40:16.480
of our personality or because we're we're
always going to be that way. It's

572
00:40:16.519 --> 00:40:22.079
because we're lacking the two of the
three critical puzzle pieces. And if we

573
00:40:22.320 --> 00:40:27.039
understood those well and knew what to
do with those that information, we could

574
00:40:27.039 --> 00:40:29.760
get rid of our anger. Even
if we've been like the sixty six year

575
00:40:29.760 --> 00:40:34.400
old guy that I mentioned angry all
his life eventually very quickly went to the

576
00:40:34.440 --> 00:40:37.559
other side, stopped being angry.
It's possible for all of us to do

577
00:40:37.599 --> 00:40:39.559
that if we just have the right
perspective, which is what I talk about

578
00:40:39.559 --> 00:40:43.599
in my book, and I give
people the whole nine yards of how you

579
00:40:43.599 --> 00:40:45.840
can, how you do it,
how you understand it, where it all

580
00:40:45.880 --> 00:40:49.559
comes from, what you can do
with those knowledge of the three filters and

581
00:40:49.639 --> 00:40:53.320
everything. It's literally anyone can get
that book and read it and release themselves

582
00:40:53.440 --> 00:40:55.920
a lot of the anger. And
this could be angry that you've been holding

583
00:40:55.960 --> 00:41:01.679
onto for years, rudgers and chronic
resentments from past failed relationships, or how

584
00:41:01.719 --> 00:41:07.559
your parents treated you, or you
know how your ancestors were treated. All

585
00:41:07.599 --> 00:41:12.599
that stuff can be released if you
if you're able to get in touch with

586
00:41:12.639 --> 00:41:15.239
the distortions that your filters are creating. Okay, So let's talk about the

587
00:41:15.239 --> 00:41:20.800
book again, Doctor Ormond's Life Changing
Anger Cure. And where did they find

588
00:41:20.800 --> 00:41:23.559
it? It's on Amazon right now. They can just look under Life Changing

589
00:41:23.559 --> 00:41:28.719
Anger Cure. They'll find it,
Okay. And how do they find you?

590
00:41:30.079 --> 00:41:35.440
They can I have a website dot
ormond dot com. And also there's

591
00:41:35.480 --> 00:41:39.599
a free download that I have available
for people called the best Anger Elimination method

592
00:41:39.719 --> 00:41:45.800
you can find, and for that
you go to the Anger Solution dot org

593
00:41:45.679 --> 00:41:49.400
and you can download that and then'll
get you on my email list so they

594
00:41:49.400 --> 00:41:52.679
can be in touch with me that
way. But it's a pdf they'll get

595
00:41:52.679 --> 00:41:54.840
that talks a lot about anger,
about my ten session program, and also

596
00:41:54.880 --> 00:41:58.079
a little bit about at the end
a little bit about the book and how

597
00:41:58.079 --> 00:42:02.000
they can get hold that perfect.
Thanks. Thanks for being on the show.

598
00:42:02.000 --> 00:42:07.239
Mort I think this is a fascinating
area. And what fascinates me is

599
00:42:07.320 --> 00:42:09.760
you know, here, here are
so many people, and you are one

600
00:42:09.800 --> 00:42:15.679
of those specific ones that had this
entirely different career, but ultimately you have

601
00:42:15.760 --> 00:42:21.920
moved into an entirely different area where
you're helping people in a different way than

602
00:42:21.920 --> 00:42:25.440
you were as an internal medicine physician. Yeah, and I think that's great.

603
00:42:25.480 --> 00:42:29.840
I still feel like this is me
being a physician. Yes, oh

604
00:42:29.920 --> 00:42:34.679
no, no question about that.
I just find it fascinating how in our

605
00:42:34.719 --> 00:42:37.360
lives, as we get older,
we find that there are other areas we

606
00:42:37.400 --> 00:42:42.639
go into that we are still able
to make a difference in other people's lives,

607
00:42:42.719 --> 00:42:45.760
just in a different way, yes, yes, yeah, anyway,

608
00:42:45.800 --> 00:42:49.679
folks, Still I feel blessed that
I, now that I'm no longer practicing

609
00:42:49.760 --> 00:42:53.599
medicine and patching people up with I
still have the opportunity to impact their lives,

610
00:42:53.639 --> 00:42:57.320
improve their health and their well being. And it's still great that I

611
00:42:57.320 --> 00:43:00.840
can continue to live out that mission. Yeah. Absolutely. Hey, well,

612
00:43:00.840 --> 00:43:04.519
folks, thanks for listening. I
hope you'll take this to heart.

613
00:43:04.639 --> 00:43:07.960
Get ahold of that book, and
if you're experiencing the anger, here's a

614
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solution to get rid of that.
But even more importantly, get rid of

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that and start to be even healthier. So is doctor Doug saying, have

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a great week.