Life Changing Anger Cure

0:01 This program is designed to provide general information with regards to the subject matters covered. This information is given with the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial, legal counseling, professional service, or any advice. You should seek the services of competent professionals before applying or trying any suggested ideas. At the end of the day, it's not about what you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up, who you've made better. It's about what you've given back. Denzel Washington, welcome to Inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you to do the same. Doctor Orman, how are you doing. I'm fine, Doctor Doug, thanks for having me on your show. Hey, it's great to have you on this show. This is going to be really interesting because I've talked to a few people about how those emotions really create a response of anger and frustration and so forth. So I think this is going to be really a great conversation. But I'd like for you to share with the audience your background and how did you end up getting to the point where you got involved in this area and wrote your book.

1:23 Yeah. So, I am an internal medicine doctor. I have been so for fifty years, practiced for twenty three years in a medical practice, and then spent fifteen years as a corporate medical director. So I've been in the medical field, and then for forty of those fifty years, I've also had a side interest in psychology and helping people eliminate anger and stress, which has been an area of expertise of mine. So and I got into both those areas because I had a lot of anger and stress myself as a young man, as a younger physician going through medical school, medical training, and my first few years of practice. I used to get angry all the time.

2:04 I used to get angry at my patience if they didn't follow my advice. You know, I'd get angry at the drop of a dime. I don't know if you ever saw John McEnroe play tennis in his heyday. Yeah, and I took up tennis in my late twenties, and I was literally not tennis wise, but anger wise. I was literally like John McEnroe in the tennis court, smashing my racket, yelling at myself if I have missed a shot, and annoying the people playing, you know, on either side of me, and I just couldn't control it, you know, and it was it was really it felt horrible. You know. I was successful professionally, but personally I didn't feel successful because I had a lot of anxiety, a lot of anger. My relationships all failed one after another, and I couldn't fix any of those things. And I was used to fixing things, you know, if there was a problem, I figured out a way to solve it. So that drove me to go into personal development work because I tried all the standard anger management, stress manage and stuff didn't help that much.

3:01 Every day I'd still wake up be the same angry guy. And so I got into personal development work, and eventually I cobbled together a bunch of stuff from different people that I had studied with, and I hit on something that finally enabled me to get my hands on the controls of my anger and to be able to turn it off in ways that I never even imagined were possible. Because I really didn't understand anger as a human emotion. Despite all my training and even dabbling in psychology and all that stuff, I still had big blind spots as to what was really going on. And once I figured out what was going on, then I was easily able. Not easily, but it took a little while, but I was eventually able to get rid of most of my anger. And then I started teaching people how to do the same thing because I knew it was so important as a doctor, you know, I knew the anger was so very important for people's health and well being. So I needed to share these insights that I had. Well, us talk about that for a minute, because when we talk about stress, we talk about anger. What what happens to the body system and what does that create that can cause all sorts of physical ailments. Yeah, well, you know, for me, anger is a subset of stress. In other words, stress is like this the big umbrella term, right, And there's lots of different stressful problems we can have in life, and anger is one of Anxiety is another one. You know, financial problems, you know, family relationship problems, all those are kind of under the umbrella stress. But all of them can stir up our physiology, can cause abnormal hormones to be

4:36 secreted, cortisolid, beinephrine, all these things. It can raise your blood pressure, can't affect your immune system, can do all kinds of things that leito heart attacks and strokes and autoimmune diseases and stuff that we still don't understand. We only have touched the tip of the iceberg, you know, as to what stress can do and what anger can do physiologically and health wise. But there's so there's a lot of stuff that in the health arena that it has negative consequences, not to mention, you know, its effect on marriages, relationships, relationship with their kids, and just all kinds of things, you know, your career decision making, getting addicted to substances, having accidents.

5:26 There's so many different, you know, downstream negative consequences of having a lot of anger and stress that it's a big health problem and most physicians are really aware of it, and all the health professionals are aware of it. It's just that the solutions haven't been all that great until now. And you know you mentioned court is all is that one of the major major factors in health that is affected when the court is all level is raised during the anger and the stress and so forth, and then it just kind of stays up there because we never learned how to get rid of that. And what are what are some of the very specific effects of high cortisol in an individual system. It's called the stress hormone. I'm not sure we understand all of its many implications, but it can. It raises blood pressure. It actually affects the brain as far as our ability to think and reason, and and it has you know, it has affects all throughout the body and almost every organ system of the body. So it's one of the hormones that has multiple effects, some of which are positive. But when the levels go high, then it can cause difficulties. It can raise your blood sugar, it can aggravate diabetes. You know, there's a whole bunch of things that it can do that are not you know, do not promote our health, but actually detract from our health. Well, And the reason I asked that is because I know that oftentimes as the audience is listening, there's those you know, and I've done this not with anger, but with other things, and I hear

6:58 something, I go, yeah, yeah, well last, and you know, and so we talk about anger, and I'm sure, some of the people out there saying, ah, no, no, I don't have anger, I don't have stress, and yet they're experiencing some physical ailments. And I think it's important for people to understand that their health literally is affected by these emotions, by these situations. So you ended up writing a book. What's the name of your book. The most recent book that I wrote is called Doctor Orman's Life Changing Anger Cure. And what I do in that book is I have a coaching program that I take people through. It's a ten session a coaching program I can do over zoom, ten one hour sessions, and it literally can take people who've been angry all their lives and nothing's helped them, and they've gone to therapy and they've gone to anger management, they're still angry, And in ten one hour sessions, I can show them a whole new way of understanding anger and dealing with it, so that the end of those ten sessions, they have a lot more control over their anger than they ever had before. Many of them stop getting angry at things that used to trigger them all the time. They just have a completely new understanding of this very common human emotion which we've been struggling with for thousands of years, but they have a new way to understand it that actually gives them control instead of their anger being in control of them most of the time. So I put everything that I teach in that program into that book so that people literally can get the book and don't have to go through the program. The only thing I could do in the book is coach people individually on an anger situation,

8:33 the personal situation they might have. I'm angry at my sister because she did this, this and that, or I'm angry at my spouse because every time this happens. Those kinds of unique situations I couldn't directly, you know, coach them on, but I gave them a lot, give a lot of examples how you can apply the principles in the book to any anger situation, specific situation you have. So the whole blueprint is there, all the tools are there, the insights. You can literally take that book and change your life with regard to anger so that you have much less of it and you have a little much less of the negative consequences from it. Okay, So what came to my mind immediately was the saying, since you know we're both doctors physician heal thyself. Yeah, And you know what, think about it. How many times when you had any if you have had any serious situations or even reasonably serious situations, have you healed yourself versus going to another specialist to get some help. Well, that's where this all came from.

9:35 It came forty years ago. Like I said, I had a lot of anger in my twenties and thirties and went through personal development and I figured out, you know, what I was missing, what I wasn't understanding about anger, And it surprised the hell out of me that I was able to turn everything around. Because if you'd ask me back then, did I ever see a possibility that I would stop being an angry person or that I have much less anger than a and I've had a of those last couple decades, I would say, No, that's just who I am, that's my personality. I don't think it's ever going to change. And that's only because I didn't really understand the process of how anger gets generated inside all of us. And and so once I figured that out and and applied it to myself, literally, I healed myself first. And once I saw it, once I saw that it worked, I said, Wow, I got to get this out into the world. I mean, this is really an important health problem that people need to know. There's there's some answers for now that can really make a difference. And that's when I started writing and teaching and doing workshops and and speaking that and I've been doing that for forty years on anger and stress, to just share what I learned with people that helped me with my anxiety, with my relationship issues, with my anger issues, all the stuff that I figured out how to finally, you know, conquer that I knocking my head against the wall all those years. Yea. And as we're saying now, I mean, I just you know, I opened up the news just a while ago, the anger that is existing on the campuses, the anti

11:07 Semitism, and you know, and that's just one area of anger that we see. Why is there so much of this unnecessary anger and hatred and violence in the world. What's going on? In your basic opinion, In my opinion, with what I've learned worldwide, there's a basic misunderstanding of where anger comes from. We don't really understand why we're feeling angry. We think we understand we look at the situations outside of us that bother us, that trigger us to get angry, but we don't really understand how the anger gets generated in our body. From that, we think it's like a direct cause effect one causes too, because we see the things we don't like, we feel the anger media, it looks like it's a direct one to two cause effect relationship. So that's the model that common sense wise we have about where our anger comes from. And what I discovered forty years ago, to my surprise, is that anger is generated by it's a four step process. It's not a two step process. There's there's three causes them and then the anger.

12:20 But two of the three causes are invisible there there because they're inside of us. So there's the thing in the outside world. There's what the Israelis are doing, what the Palestinians doing, whatever it is, and what the government is. So it's the event, well number one of the event, the event whatever, you know, what our spouse said, what our busy, all that stuff, and then and then we feel the anger. But there's two steps in the middle that are inside our bodies and their brains, and we don't understand that. And we and we're so we're missing two of the three critical puzzle pieces to understand where our anger is actually coming from. And that's why people can't control their anger or can't do anything about their anger, because they're totally in the dark and they've really been badly educated and badly informed.

13:03 You talk about misinformation, you know, everybody talks about misinformation politically, but there's a tremendous amount of misinformation in psychology, in health fields, you know, where people just don't understand the reality of why things happen and our emotions is one of the biggest areas where there's a lack of emotional intelligence. Even the emotional intelligence movement lacks intelligence in terms of why emotions occur. I've seen very little, good, solid, helpful information from the emotional intelli intelligence crowd. There's a lot of talk about, well, if you handle your emotions well, you do better in life, which is true, but they don't tell you, well, how if I'm a person that doesn't handle my emotions, well, how do I get to be a person that does?

13:48 They're not very good at that. Okay, well, that's what I like to teach people. How to do we go from being not so good to be fantastic at handling your emotions, and I love that. You know, it's interesting how and I'm sure you observe this in the area of medicine that you were involved in, that so often there are common misnomers about a particular issue, a particular health issue. And yet some people you know, for instance, in my dental practice, and I share this a lot that I actually studied with President Kennedy's personal physician on treating head and neck pain. And it was fascinating because in dentistry they call it TMJ. And you may have heard that terminology, right, So people would walk into my office and go, doctor, I have TMJ, and I'm looking at him. I'm going, well, wait a minute, now, you have two TMJs. You've got one on the right and one on the left. What's your problem, what's the system? You know, what's the symptom that you're experiencing. And so then they talk about headaches or whatever that happens to be. And it's only then that I can get into saying, Okay, let's discover whether it's a neurological issue, whether it's a muscle issue, or whether it's a skeletal muscle issue, whatever it is, and then get in and help them with that. And so often do you see that happen? Did you see that happening a lot in internal medicine where you would see that same kind of thing

15:18 going on. So I find it fascinating that you talk about the fact, and you're right. So many people that talk about emotional intelligence and all of that type of stuff just get on this bandwagon and they don't get to the real causation, the root cause. So number one, what is what is one of those root causes that are totally unknown to us subconsciously? What we don't understand about ourselves as human beings is we don't really see the events that happen in the world accurate as they actually are. Everything we perceive comes through filters. Our brain. Sheilters all the data that's coming in. So there's just so much data coming in. And this goes back to prehistoric times.

16:07 You know, there's just so much data coming in that the brain can't process it all. So it had to kind of chunk it down, simplify it, you know, make it into some you know, you had to make quick decisions Do I run, do I stay? Is this dangerous as it non and the brain just had to chunk things down enough so that we could make decisions and stay alive. Okay, but we've inherited that that that mechanism where the brain doesn't just perceive things accurately. It leaves out a lot of stuff, and it reduces stuff and simplifies stuff like cause effect relationships, for example, and the brain wants to simplify that to you know, one causes too, and in real life there can be a whole bunch of causes involved simultaneously, but our brains can't capture it all very easily unless we stop and really deeply think about it. But anyhow, so we're programmed, automatically programmed who see things not as they really are, but in distorted sort of ways based on the different filters we have, and as we go through life those filters, we each develop our own set of filters because based on our life experience. But some are cultural, some are social, they get ingrained in us and anger. Actually, most emotions come from different sets of filters that we view life through, and if you believe that what you're seeing is true through those filters, then you get the appropriate emotions. So there are three filters primary filters that cause anger. In other words, there's three ways you have to be looking at things in order to feel angry, and you have

17:38 to believe each of those three things is true, and if you do, then you get angry. Okay, And they're not very different, they're not. You don't have to be a psychiatrist. You and I, as doctors and dentists, we can even understand. Yes, it's very simple, very simple. The three filters are First, you have to see something as somebody doing something bad or wrong they shouldn't have done. So you know, we don't get angry if we think somebody is doing something wonderful or terrific or fantastic. Okay, So immediately we have to see it as bad and wrong. We have to see some hurt or harm or negative impact coming from that bad and wrong behavior. Okay. And the third thing is we have to see that person who's doing or thing could be your computer that you're angry at.

18:22 It's doing a bad and wrong thing, it's not working properly, whatever. We have to see that entity that's doing the bad and wrong thing as being pretty much unilaterally or one hundred percent responsible or to blame. So we have these very narrow blinders of blame where that's all we focus on is what that person did or didn't do, and that's the story that we tell ourselves. Somebody did something bad wrong, somebody was hurt or harmed, somebody was to blame, and then we get angry. Okay, And I want to stop you there for a minute, because, as you brought up in the first place, that's totally based on their perception, is it not, And their perceptions and their perception is total, well almost totally based on those subconscious imprints that have been placed, as you said, by society, by school, by teachers, by religion, by all those type of things that may not be in fact quote true, yeah, or they're partially true, but they leave out a lot of stuff. And if yes, there's a lot of holes and gaps in the understanding of reality. And if you have those missing pieces, you might not react, you know, emotionally, as intensely as you did, or even at all in the same way you literally when you fill in those missing gaps. And that's what our brain does. Our brain creates the gaps, but our brain also sells it to us as the whole truth. So it's really like the media. Our brains just like the media.

19:48 They give you a spin, a spun version of whatever it is they want you to believe, okay, and they don't tell you what they're leaving out. They sell you what the narrative as the whole truth and nothing but the truth. And we're used, our brains are used to buying partial narratives as being complete narratives, and so we're accepting a distorted, incomplete view as being the whole view. And that is why we get so emotional by the way. People in the media know how to provoke human emotions. That's their business, and they do it in exactly this way. They give us. They give us distorted viewpoints of what happened, knowing full well that it's going to trigger us to feel angry because we're gonna blame We're gonna see somebody doing something bad wrong, We're gonna see the hurting arm, and we're gonna blame that person. They know that's how you create anger in human beings, and their business model depends on being good at doing that, and our brains do the same thing. One of the things I say is that our brains create more fake news every day than all the media outlets you know in the world.

20:49 You know, we're just constantly generating fake news and believing it, you know, because we think it's they think it's true. And a lot of times if we stopped and examined it and ask some simple questions, you know, we say, oh, well, I guess I was missing this, or I guess I didn't see that, or I guess this was left out of the picture. And our whole emotional state will change once we see the world differently and see how things happened. Well, and you talk about that fake news, but you talk about how our brain creates that. I smile because I get on TikTok once in a while, because I do some short reels on TikTok, and and literally I have I have seen some statements that I know, as I go in and verify it one way or the other, there are absolutely one hundred percent untrue. There's no question about it.

21:37 And yet people who listen to that and listen to that, all of a sudden it becomes true for them. Yes, yes, that's how it works. And then they get angry, and they get angry, yeah, and they don't you week as an outside observer, we can see they got angry because they bought into an untruth that uh, and it fell true to them. Okay, And we can see what's happening, but they can't because they're in the middle of it and it looks and feels true to them. Well, And as we talk about the world's situation right now, and I've seen this a lot in even smaller situations, but you have certain people that really get angry, all right, for whatever reason, and then they are able to instill anger and others to the point that you get a crowd anger.

22:27 Yes, well, they're they're just creating the they're just fortifying and reinforcing the filters that somebody did something ban and wrong. So they tell you all the band wrong things that they did. They tell you, they point out all the hurt and harm and damage that's done by their bed and wrong behavior. Okay, And they tell you that these people are one hundred percent responsible to blame. Nothing else was involved. It was just them. And they know that that's just like the media. They know that if they keep giving you that narrative, it's going to create anger in you, because that's how we generate anger as human beings. But nobody's ever told us or taught us that that's how anger gets generated. I went through seven years of medical education, never a whiff of any of this stuff. I have a lot of psychology study on my own, never really encountered this kind of understanding and had to hit on it upon it on my own. Fortunately, and then once you see what the reality, once you see how your anger is being generated inside of you, you can do something about it. I'll give you one.

23:30 I'll give you an example. My wife and I are about to celebrate our fortieth wedding anniversary, which, by the way, would never have happened had I not figured this anger stuff out, because one of my relationships until my mid thirties crashed and burned, you know, spectacularly because of my anger issues. But anyhow so, by the time we got married, I had gotten rid of most of my anger. My wife didn't have a lot of anger, so constantly, we never had a lot of anger in our relationship. We didn't get in the fights, we didn't get in the knockdown, drag out arguments, we didn't have any of that stuff. But early on in our relationship there was this one weird situation where we would start to fight with each other, and it was so unusual for us that it stuck out like a sore thumb. I mean, if you're arguing all the time, you wouldn't notice it, but we weren't. So the one time we started arguing, it was like, what is this? And it turned out it was only on car trips if we went on a car trip somewhere, and even more interesting, it never happened on the drive to our destination. We never got into arguments when we were at the place we at our destination. It only happened driving home. Oh well, and usually I was driving. I would be driving and we're driving home, and then somewhere along the way, my wife would say, Oh, there's something over here. I'd really like to go see. It's only like an hour off of our path. I'd really like to go see it. And I would go like, no, we're not doing that. She would go like, what do you mean We're not doing that? And I would say, no, we're not doing that, you know to me? So I saw her wanting to deviate from the straight path home as being a bad and wrong thing that she was doing.

25:00 Okay, because in my family, when we went on car trips and when we left we drove directly home. We didn't we stopped for gas for food, but we never would deviate. Her family was completely different. They would always go off path and do these side trips and everything. So when she asked for that, to me, it was like a wrongdoing, you know, and I would have a tone in my voice. I would be upset and angry, and she would perceive that, and then she would wonder, why am I You know, she didn't deserve that, and she would get angry at me. And then so once I went back and I said, okay, let me see what's having Okay, I'm angry. Let me look at the first filter. Am I thinking she's doing something bad and wrong? Yes, I'm thinking she's doing something bad wrong. Now I asked the important question, is she really doing something bad and wrong? In truth? And a minute I asked that question, I said, well, not really.

25:51 I mean she's I mean, she's just doing something, wants to do something differently the way I think it should be done. But if I asked myself, is it really wrong? No, it's not really wrong. It's just she has her preference. I have my preference. When either one's right or wrong. And once I saw that that, I kind of automatically, my filter, my brain automatically judged her as being wrong for asking to go off course, and I saw it wasn't wrong, it was just her preference. Minute I saw that, I said, Okay, this is a stupid thing for me to get angry about. You know, she's not wrong, It's just she has her preference I of mine. It's a marriage, you know, we support each other, we try to make each other happy. So from that point on, my whole view of that situation changed. So every time she wanted to deviate from where we were going, I would say, sure, honey, if you want to go there, let's go do it.

26:41 Because my view of the situation had expanded and changed, became more truthful, and I no longer saw her as committing a wrongdoing that was somehow negatively impacting me. I saw it as well, it's just a difference of preference, and fundamentally so I eliminated completely. For the rest of our thirty eight and a half years, whatever it was, we never have that argument anymore because I never look at the situation the same way anymore. I've completely eliminated that anger episode, which was one of only, you know, one of the few ones that we had. And that's what's possible for all of our anger. If you can see beyond that initial knee jerk perception where you see somebody's doing something wrong and hurting and harming and being responsible, there's lots more stuff that gets left out from those three narratives. If you can fill in some of the gaps, the anger will diminish and sometimes completely go away.

27:37 Okay, So you had mentioned too, Do that include both or is there another element here that is subconscious that we're not even gonna aware of. There are two good thing okay, yes, So the first one is the first invisible, cause I remember said there's three steps, and then the anger one it's not one step, and then the anger it's one step, followed by two more. Those two are invisible, and then the anger, so it's a four step process. The first one of those two steps is the filters. Okay. I just explained. Okay, And people should really take this and write them down on a post it note on a sticky. Somebody did something bad wrong they shouldn't have done. Somebody was heard or harm negatively impacted, and the person who did the wrong doing was one hundred percent responds fold or blame. Every time you are angry about anything big anger, the kind of road rage, punching the hole in the all down to I'm just annoyed, I'm irritated, I'm standing in line, things aren't moving as fast as I look. Any any range of anger whatsoever always comes from those three filters.

28:37 You're always looking at the situation from those three. So it's the three filters. The second invisible cause is our brains follow up on First, our brains joined the filtering, and then our brains say to us, there's no filtering going on. You're perceiving what's true. Our brain stamps it as true and sells it to us as true, and usually we buy it. Okay. So our brain is not letting us question or or try to see past whatever the filters are telling us. It's saying that we're true, and you want to know it's even worse. That's how anger gets created. With those two extra steps. See through the filters. Brain tells you what you're seeing is absolutely true. Don't question it, don't look for anything else. Okay.

29:22 That generates the anger. Now look what happens. The anger now makes us feel justified in what we're seeing. It makes us feel like we're right, which is like a double whamming, and just encourages us to believe that we're true and we're justified and our anger is righteous and we have every reason, every right to feel that way, and everybody else should feel that way. And it's underneath it all are these distorted perceptions that we don't even realize is what caught us up in the anger. Well, the presence of mind to stop and go back. And it's interesting that you know, we have to be right. It's an interesting thing about the ego. You talk about the brain, We talk about the ego. Yeah, people have to be right, and and that can be such as you bring up, that could be such a dangerous attitude to have something that we all have. But it evolved that way because it kept us alive. Yes, because we had to make these quick decisions, these either or right, wrong harm no harm, and we had whether we were right or not. We had to believe we were right because we had to act right. And it's better if you run, if you mistakenly think there's a saber tooth tiger and it's just a bird rustling the branch near you and you run. Okay, you're alive. You get to play again. But if you make if you make a mistake the other way and you say, oh, I'm gonna poop pooh, it is no big deal. And then it turns out to be a saber tooth tiger,

30:53 you're You're gone. So this, this needing to be right, had survival value, which is why we've inherited it today. And so it has benefits, but also, like we're talking about here, it has huge problems associated with it too. It causes a lot of unnecessary suffering and angst and anxiety and anger and guilt and all these other things because we think we're right about our perceptions, and a lot of times we're not. Okay, so we go through that whole process, we go through the filters. Our brain says, yeah, we're right. What brings about the behavior that exhibits the anger, because sometimes sometimes there's no outward behavior. A lot of times it's just that internal the cortisol reave arises and on and so forth. But in most cases, as you said, in most cases, people get angry, they shout, they yell, they hit, they do whatever that happens to be what brings about that type of activity from that anger that their brain has identified. It's the same thing, can okay, So and each persons different.

32:02 So it depends on the family you grow up in, depends upon how anger was treated in your family and your community and your peer groups whatever. Some people learn to not express anger, that it's dangerous, okay. Some people learn, you know, to let it all out and and just release it. But the thing that you have to realize the thing is that these are questions that come once the anger is built up already, right, then there's a question, well, okay, what do I do with it? Now? Do I express it? Don't I express it? If I do express it, how do I express it? If I don't express it, what do I do to keep that from bottling up inside of me and causing other problems? So these are all things we've developed solutions for lots of time, individual solutions for and then those become programmed as our patterned habits of behavior and responding to anger when it builds up inside of us. What I'd like to do is, I like what we're talking about here is showing people how to stop the anger for building up inside of you, so you don't have to worry about that downstream. Those good point man get there. Yeah, you don't have to worry about any of that stuff. Get the red costs handled, and you don't have to worry about the rest of it. That's interesting. So you shared, you know, and I appreciate the transparency of you sharing your experience with your wife. What are some of the other examples you've had with clients that have really been, you know, really interesting that you could share well? I had years ago. I had a guy that came to me, a small business owner, a lot of anger, a lot of stress, and he had seen two prominent mental health professionals in our area. A stress management psychologist he worked with for three months couldn't help him.

33:37 Finally threw up his hands and said, you need to see a psychiatrist. Wasn't happy about that, but he went to see the psychiatrist. After two sessions, a psychiatrist kicked him out, said you don't really have what it takes to do well in psychotherapy. Go back to the psychologists you were working with. And then, finally, at a frustration, a friend referred him to me and I started working with him, and in just five sessions he started to see improvement in his anger and stress for the first time in his life. And he was a guy who was totally written off by, you know, traditionally well trained, very successful, prominent mental health professionals. They just didn't have this particular understanding of stress and anger that I had. And I could help this guy like immediately when he had been struggling for years and more recently with the help of some professionals, they couldn't do anything for him. And it was all because they had the traditional stress management sort of mindset and I didn't. And I had a different way of understanding these human problems. And the guy was a champ. I mean, he really turned his whole life around as far as stress is concerned, and you know, he had a great success. Another guy that was in his sixties been angry all of his life. Everybody in his family was angry, and he was starting to have problems with his marriage as a second marriage starting to have problems.

34:54 He finally came to me because his wife gave him an ultimatum, and he came to me and told me about this history of whole life of anger and I said, no problem, we can fix that, and so he went through my ten session program. The guy was like a completely different human being. I mean he didn't even get angry on the golf course anymore. Where he used to always, you know, you know, yell and scream if he hit a bad shot or something like that. He stopped doing that. His wife was just amazed at how much he changed in a short period of time. I mean, the things these changes are entirely if you have the right understanding and you have the missing puzzle pieces, which most people don't have, even many people in the anger field don't have them. Okay, yeah, you have the right pieces and you have all the pieces of the puzzle, it's easy to figure out solutions and help them well. And you know, one thing that comes to my mind, and as I'm sure you're aware, I interview a lot of different people about a lot of different things, and you're hitting on some very interesting points. One of the first things you talk about is with those filters. And oftentimes those filters are really a result of our perception, which is the result of the subconscious imprints that have been placed on us as children, and obviously as we grow older, they still get there. So have you found because I haven't heard you talk a lot about you know, what a lot of people do is getting in and talking about those subconscious belief systems and so forth, and somehow figuring out how to those out or let them go. What have you found in your experience

36:28 with the methodology that you're using and teaching people, which they're seeing incredible results with what happens to all that subconscious stuff. I don't have to get involved with that. I assume it's there. I agree with you, it's there probably, but I don't need it to relieve them of their anger. All they need to know is those three filters and then they're same and all that's part of the unconscious programming that we all get stuck with is somebody did something bad wrong, somebody was hurting harm, somebody was unilaterally ablame. We have those three prominent you know, conversations going on all the time, and all people have to it doesn't matter where they came from or how and that individual they got cemented so strongly that's what's causing their anger. However they got there doesn't really matter in the sense. So now this is what you're stuck with every time you get angry, these three filters got activated. Now the question is what can I do about those three filters? And that's where you need to step in and start questioning them and start telling the truth. And it doesn't matter what your past history has been or how they got there. There are problems for you right now in the moment. Are they true or they not true? And you have to figure that out each time, and you have to ask those questions each time, and that's really what relieves the anger.

37:44 So you don't need to process all the who's struck John? And how that's you know, who dropped you on your head when you were three and all this kind of stuff, because it still boils down to is it true that they did something bad wrong? Is it true that negative you know, hurt and harmon occurred? Is true that they were one hundred percent responsible? You don't I don't blame, or where there are other causes involved? And those are the questions you need to keep wrestling with, Okay, And so really this is focusing on anger because obviously, but you know what, you can do the same process on any other emotion because they all come from a small set of filters. If you just know the filters that produce anxiety or that produce guilt, or that produce frustration and produce sad it's the same process.

38:28 They're distorted. The filters have distortions in them, the distortion you're you're you're assuming that they're not distorted, but they are. And it's your distortive views that are causing your emotion. Now you got to figure out what's really true when you when you hit on the truth, boom, the emotion goes away. Okay, so you really you've really been mindful. You don't have to punch anything, you don't have to run five miles, you don't have to do deep breathing. You just tell you just get in touch with the truth about what really happened as opposed to what your filters are you happen, and then the motion dissolves. Okay, and it really boils down to really being aware, conscious, mindful of those things. And when that happens.

39:13 I find this fascinating and that's why I recommend it. I say you should write these down on an index card because you won't see them. They're invisible. But you can now have a prompt. You know, every time you get angry, you can pull out the index card, not in the middle of when you're angry, but I mean when you're thinking about it later on. In this card. Okay, these are the three filters that got triggered, that caused my anger in that situation, and you can practice remembering it. It's like training wheels. You could practice remembering remembering. After a while, you don't need the card anymore, you know. Okay, I got angry. Now I know I got angry. You know that's great. So as we close up today, if there was one message that you could share with the audience that you'd like to share with them that could have an effect on them, what would that be? Yeah? I think the main thing is not to get trapped in the myth that once an angry person, always an angry person. It's not true. We stay angry not because it's part of our personality or because we're we're always going to be that way. It's because we're lacking the two of the three critical puzzle pieces. And if we understood those well and knew what to do with those that information, we could get rid of our anger. Even if we've been like the sixty six year old guy that I mentioned angry all his life eventually very quickly went to the other side, stopped being angry. It's possible for all of us to do that if we just have the right perspective, which is what I talk about in my book, and I give people the whole nine yards of how you

40:43 can, how you do it, how you understand it, where it all comes from, what you can do with those knowledge of the three filters and everything. It's literally anyone can get that book and read it and release themselves a lot of the anger. And this could be angry that you've been holding onto for years, rudgers and chronic resentments from past failed relationships, or how your parents treated you, or you know how your ancestors were treated. All that stuff can be released if you if you're able to get in touch with the distortions that your filters are creating. Okay, So let's talk about the book again, Doctor Ormond's Life Changing Anger Cure. And where did they find it? It's on Amazon right now. They can just look under Life Changing Anger Cure. They'll find it, Okay. And how do they find you?

41:30 They can I have a website dot ormond dot com. And also there's a free download that I have available for people called the best Anger Elimination method you can find, and for that you go to the Anger Solution dot org and you can download that and then'll get you on my email list so they can be in touch with me that way. But it's a pdf they'll get that talks a lot about anger, about my ten session program, and also a little bit about at the end a little bit about the book and how they can get hold that perfect. Thanks. Thanks for being on the show. Mort I think this is a fascinating area. And what fascinates me is you know, here, here are so many people, and you are one of those specific ones that had this entirely different career, but ultimately you have moved into an entirely different area where you're helping people in a different way than you were as an internal medicine physician. Yeah, and I think that's great.

42:25 I still feel like this is me being a physician. Yes, oh no, no question about that. I just find it fascinating how in our lives, as we get older, we find that there are other areas we go into that we are still able to make a difference in other people's lives, just in a different way, yes, yes, yeah, anyway, folks, Still I feel blessed that I, now that I'm no longer practicing medicine and patching people up with I still have the opportunity to impact their lives, improve their health and their well being. And it's still great that I can continue to live out that mission. Yeah. Absolutely. Hey, well, folks, thanks for listening. I hope you'll take this to heart. Get ahold of that book, and if you're experiencing the anger, here's a solution to get rid of that. But even more importantly, get rid of that and start to be even healthier. So is doctor Doug saying, have a great week.