Learn to Thrive With Your Life

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This program is designed to provide general
information with regards to the subject matters covered.

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This information is given with the understanding
that neither the hosts, guests,

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sponsors, or station are engaged in
rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,

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legal counseling, professional service, or
any advice. You should seek the

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services of competent professionals before applying or
trying any suggested ideas. At the end

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of the day, it's not about
what you have or even what you've accomplished.

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It's about what you've done with those
accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted

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up, who you've made better.
It's about what you've given back. Denzel

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Washington, welcome to inspire vision.
Our sole purpose is to elevate the lives

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of others and to inspire you to
do the same. Brad and Seyway,

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how are you doing it? Hi, Doctor Doug. It's great to be

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here with you. Hey, it's
great to have you on the show.

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I really appreciate it. Now you're
heading out in California, right just north

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of San Francisco. Okay, great, So share with the audience who you

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are and how did you get to
the point that you're at and what motivated

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you to write your book, which
is called Thriving. I feel very,

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very fortunate with the life I've lived. One of the things I learned in

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high school was to be excellent.
I became an excellent student. I've carried

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that through and everything I've done in
my life. I went to Stanford Business

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School and from after receiving my MBA, I went to the caverns of Wall

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Street. I spent a dozen years
with major firms and realized along the way

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that I really wanted to have my
own firm. And it took a while

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to do that because it had to
be focused, it had to have a

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clear set of principles, and I
did that three decades ago. I have

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a fantastic wife forty three years now
and two marvelous kids, and I've served

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on a lot of boards over the
years. I've been a Scout master,

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a Little League coach, and I'd
like to say I'm an roll up my

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sleeves environmentalist doing conservation work as well. Okay, and what motivated you to

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write your book? Well, the
original concept was that it was going to

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be a legacy project for family and
close friends. But as I got more

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into it and I got feedback from
some readers and a content editor who were

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saying, this is a big book
and it really should be out to a

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lot of people. I changed.
I switched gears, and I said,

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well, I want to make a
published book. I wanted to me have

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it be really high quality, and
off I went. The process started four

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years ago. The book was published
last fall, and it's getting amazing reception.

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So are there are there any incidents
in your life that really gave you

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that aha moment to write the book
and to go into that direction, Because

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certainly the book is not necessarily about
if I can understand it correctly, it's

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not necessarily about your success as a
businessman. But at the same time you

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probably use those stories to help do
that. But what what is the motivation

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behind that book to really try to
help people in their relationships and those type

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of things. Well, over the
many years, in all the different blocks

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that I've walked around, whether it's
in the in the service world of beyond

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boards or having clients where I was
their most trusted advisor, being a littlely

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coached or a scoutmaster, I saw
people and just very very fine people stuck

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in some cases, stuck, maybe
confused, and I realized that there were

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a lot of things I had learned
along the way, and I wanted to

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share some of my observations. So
there's a lot of tips, some techniques

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and approaches to living life. I
like to say that Hamlet, you know,

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Shakespeare's Hamlet, said the big question
is to be or not to be?

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And I say, a much bigger
question is how to be and how

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not to be? And that's really
what my book is about, Okay and

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thriving. So that's that's the term
to how can we really be and become?

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So in your concept of success,
what is that? What does that

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mean to be successful in our lives? Well, I pushed back as hard

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as I possibly can around what I
think our society thinks of the success,

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which is really very narrowly focused around
financial things. Yeah, it's important,

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of course to do well and to
be comfortable, but after that the focus

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needs to really be internal. What
is going to drive you forward, what's

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going to give you purpose, what's
going to give you energy. Life is

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not about longevity, it's about vitality. So I think there are a lot

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of elements to this that are important
to embrace. They include things like being

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grateful and being helpful to others.
I like to say that love in a

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narrow romantic way is great if you
have it, but a bigger way of

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holding love is to have love as
a way of being, which is being

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kind and respectful and being generous and
listening hard to somebody, being interested in

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somebody else. Well, and at
this point in time, we see what's

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going on right now among campuses on
the US side as totally opposite of what

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you were just saying, what's going
on and why on earth in your opinion

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are we having all of this type
of animosity and anger and those type of

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things going on? And you know, I suppose people are trying to say,

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well, you know, we're going
to be successful at accomplishing this,

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and so on and so forth.
But what's the deal. What do you

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find is going on at least in
your opinion as to why that's happening,

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and how does that fit into being
able to learn how to really be,

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how to become, how to achieve
a true success in our lives. Well,

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I think thriving is really all about
making choices. And when you hold

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on to the steering wheel and you're
driving your own vehicle, you decide how

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fast to go and when to stop, and when to turn right and left,

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and you include being positive. Being
positive adds eight to nine years to

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your life. That what you can
then start stop doing is paying attention to

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cynicism and really a lot of negative
stuff. We're living in a world is

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full of cynicism. There's a lot
of fear and anger out there as well,

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which is being fanned. There's a
lot of flames blowing around that,

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and as you say, a lot
of that's on college campuses as well.

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So I'm aware of what's going on, but I don't drink from the fire

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hose of that stuff because it doesn't
help me. It actually makes me unhappy.

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I think there's antidotes to that.
I think civil discourse is something that

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can learn, we can practice.
There's ways to go from debate, which

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is about being making somebody right and
you're you know we're wrong and you're right,

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to more of a dialogue and trying
to explore what do we have in

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common. These are really important techniques
and behaviors to try to emulate. And

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I'm hoping actually to take my book
onto the college campuses as a course because

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I think there's a lot of elements
to this, in building relationships, in

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living a valuable, fulfilling life that
you know young people or even people and

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continuing ed could appreciate holding on too
well. And how much how much do

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you feel like the subconscious imprints that
we have received in our lives, and

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we all have gotten them from various
sources and environmental but how much do you

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think that that is affecting our ability
to really thrive in life and to experience,

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in my opinion at least that joy, that happiness, that piece that

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life is good. They're headwinds,
There's absolutely no question about it. Their

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headwinds. The media is the kind
of common culture we have. Even some

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of the fun, fun things movies
in Hollywood and so on, some of

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the music that's out there that's fairly
popular, are not necessarily very conducive to

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getting on to reaching your potential,
to really looking at yourself. That the

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beginning of thriving is about knowing yourself. And that's not something everybody's willing to

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do. And it's not a one
and done proposition either. You got to

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keep going back. The world changes, you change, and so you've got

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to keep looking at those issues.
Who am I what's important to me?

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What kind of person do I want
want to be? I like talking about

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zig Zigler. Zig Zigler one of
the great motivational speakers. He passed away

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a dozen years ago, and he
said, Yeah, you want to be

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the kind of person where if somebody
said something bad about you, no one

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would believe it. That's a fantastic
way to live life. Nobody would believe

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that you were anything but a good
person, an honorable person, a kind

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person. It's important. Well,
and I know that you have an undergraduate

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degree in psychology, which is which
is fascinating because you know you go in

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all these different directions. So how
much of that has motivated you to go

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into this direction? Because you're really
talking about and to some degree you know

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human behavior, psychology, those type
of things. How how did you get

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motivated in that direction? Well?
I have a degree in mathematics and psychology,

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and both of them have supported me
very very well throughout my investment banking

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career, doing very complex transactions for
corporations. And the psychology plays in because

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my starting place has always been to
understand my client's objectives. If we complete

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a transaction that misses those objectives,
it may be checking the boxes in terms

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of the financial outcome, but it
doesn't do what they need to do for

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them personally or for their employees.
It can be not a good situation.

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And so I've been up close and
personal with that issue for many, many

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decades, and I hold it near
and dear to my heart. You know,

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I want to do the best job
I possibly can. This is back

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to this excellence thing. So I
you know, I listen hard, I

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ask really tough questions, and if
we don't have answers yet, that's okay.

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We'll keep talking about it. And
you know, I build a trusted

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relationship with people. They feel comfortable. I'm willing to be vulnerable so I

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can tell a story or two about
how I didn't know everything, and that

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wasn't easy for me to do in
the early part of my career. Is

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getting a lot easier now, and
it allows them to open up and talk

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about what they're concerned about and the
worries they have a lot of privately held

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companies, being the CEO is a
very lonely proposition. And when I come

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along and we're talking about maybe the
most critical transaction of their business lives,

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Wow, I get a lot of
their attention. All that, and you

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know, you talk about a lonely
existence in business as a CEO, but

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how many do you think of us
are experiencing in our lives a lonely existence

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without the business part. Well,
I don't have a really good grasp of

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that. Frankly. I'm trying to
inspire and encourage people to build relationships.

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There's an architecture to doing that,
and you can make a relationship deeper and

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more enduring by doing certain things,
and you can also hurt a relationship in

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lots of ways. So I'm out
there talking about it. There's a lot

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of that in my book. So
building relationships is an antidote for being lonely.

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But at the same time, I
think it's really important to spend some

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time by yourself, maybe taking a
walk, being in nature. You know,

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I consider myself to be a fairly
spiritual person because when I'm out in

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nature, I feel full of wonder, I'm in awe, and I feel

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a lot of humility. Those are
all really really good things to have,

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man, and I can bring it
back to me, back back into you

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know, the relationships, back into
the work I do with freshness, with

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a vigor, Well, and you
talk about building relationships, how you can

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build good relationships or you can actually
ruin relationships. And you said that there's

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some specific test, you know,
steps that you mentioned in your book.

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Could you share that with the audience. What are those steps for people to

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really build good relationships in their lives? Well, I talk about it in

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the book. Is a ladder A
ladder where you meet somebody and you're friendly,

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it's very casual, but then you
see them the next time. Maybe

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they're a neighbor, maybe they're part
of some group you belong to, maybe

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it's a religious institution, and you
remember their name. It's really important.

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And if you have to ask for
their name, and again that's okay.

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It's easy to just say, oh, by the way, my name is

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Rand. Please remind me. I've
I apologize, I've forgotten your name.

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Doug. Well, of course I
wouldn't say Doug at that point. But

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then, but but you know,
then it then it begins building a little

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bit of a bridge. Then then
you ask them some questions, Uh,

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you know, how long have you
lived here? Tell me what you do

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when you're not here, What's what's
of interest to you? You've always lived

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here? You just bit by bit. They're simple questions, they're easy,

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they're not very scary. It's kind
of like your favorite color. You know,

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people usually willing to say, my
favorite color is green or blue or

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whatever it is. It's okay.
But you build on that, and then

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you might get to the point of
saying, well, let's do something together.

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You want to take a walk,
or you want to have a cup

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of coffee, spend a little bit
more time than just that two minutes,

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three minutes in a in a sort
of casual passing each other by briefly.

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Now you get into deeper and deeper
conversations. You share more about yourself what's

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important to you, and you ask
questions and you listen hard, and before

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you know it, if you're on
that path, some people will say,

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hey, you know, nah,
thanks, I've got all the friends I

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need, or whatever you said is
just you know, fine for you,

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but it's not of interest to me. That's fine, that's just terrific,

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that's okay. But other people will
be attracted to you. And if you're

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again, if you're positive, you're
cheerful, and you're appreciative, you become

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attractive. So people say, well, I want I do want to have

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that cup of coffe of you?
Yes, I do want to take that

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little walk with you. That'd be
fine. Sure. So how much of

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this, as you're observing this,
and I know you talk you talk a

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bit about how to strengthen your emotional
health, how much of our emotions really

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affect our experience in life? Based
on your experience, and how do we

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deal with that? Because there's so
many people that I've interviewed who have worked

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through some horrific emotions and been able
to reach a point now where they're doing

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some real good in the community.
But at the same time, I've observed,

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and I'm sure you have too,
that there are others who have allowed

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those emotions, those imprints, all
those things that have happened in childhood and

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so on so forth, to literally
sabotage their experience in life and they're not

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thriving. They find themselves as victims. In fact, they kind of fit

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into that whole victim mentality, which
obviously is not on an emotional quotient standpoint,

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is not where they want to be. So how do you find people

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can really develop their emotional strength and
really reach a point in time they're able

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to let go of all of that
junk and stop the self sabotaging that's going

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on. Well, you've just highlighted
so many critical ingredients to what emotional health

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is all about. And let me
just go back and spend a minute with

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several of these one stopping self sabotaging. You know, this is not something

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that I have ever had to deal
with, but I see a lot of

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other people do, and I continue
to be a little surprised by it.

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Self sabotaging is you're not even willing
to get into the game. You're not

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going to apply for the job.
You're not going to put your hand up

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and volunteer. You're not going to
follow up when somebody says, oh,

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that'd be nice to you know,
exchange emails or whatever, and you say,

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no, I'm not going to do
that. I don't really think the

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person's interested in me. Well,
there's so little risk to try, and

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if the answer is no, we
don't need to. You know, you're

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not a good candidate for our training
program. You know, they really were

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being just you know, superficial with
you, and they're not going to fall

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up. You'll find that out soon
enough. But maybe there's some nugget of

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goodies there, so stop self sadtizing. Shooting yourself in the foot. It's

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the next worst thing to shooting yourself
in the head. So that's one thing.

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A second thing is learning to forgive. And you talked about childhood and

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some of these things. A lot
of the forgiveness that I hear people talking

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about goes way back, way back, something that happened when they were kids.

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I talk about in the book the
ACE Test the Adverse Childhood Experiences.

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It's a very simple test. You
answer ten questions pretty much yes or no.

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Did any of these things happen before
you were aged eighteen? I scored

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a three. And what's amazing to
me about this is if you score four

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or more, there's an eighty percent
chance that you will have lifelong mental or

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physical problems. So it's an important
thing. We're getting better at early intervention

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with that. The other thing's interesting
about the ACE test being in all these

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adverse childhood experiences is that we don't
understand this yet. Is there some people

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turned into dandelions? They can grow
in the cracks of the sidewalk there's no

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water. I'm a dandeliont my sister. I think isn't fortant a little papa

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win and she's blown over. Did
we grow up in the same household,

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Yes we did, but we're very
different. We have a different experience of

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life and a different experience growing up
and with our parents. So the whole

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issue of forgiving, you have to
forget other people. You have to just

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work it. It's not just snap
your fingers necessarily, but you've got to

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get the point otherwise it's heavy rocks
you're carrying around with you and they can

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burden you for a long time,
and you have to forgive yourself. Take

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a look, be honest, what
mistakes have you made? Maybe they were

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intentional, maybe they were unintentional.
You got to say to yourself, hey,

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what role did I play in that? And own up to it and

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then apologize, make restitution as best
you can. But then at the end

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of the day, whichever kind of
thing happened, you learn from your mistakes

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and you let you let you move
on, so it's not in the way

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of you moving forward in life.
And then the third thing is you've mentioned

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this also Dot Doug is letting go. I think a lot of my business

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success had to do with me being
in control. I laid out the program.

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I knew what was going on.
I hired lawyers, I you know,

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dealt with you know, the accountants. You know. I had a

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nice relationship with my clients, so
they said, well, what should we

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do next? All that stuff being
in control. I kind of ran my

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family that way too. But then
about a dozen years ago, as my

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kids were getting married and doing extremely
well in life, they were making choices

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that I would not have made for
them, I would not made for myself,

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but they were working out for them, and I said, well,

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they're not asking me, in my
opinion, well, nor should they necessarily

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have to. Sometimes they do,
sometimes they don't. So I began a

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process of learning to let go.
That's been one of the hardest things I

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had to do. And I like
doing this little exercise. If you want

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to do it with me, that'd
be great. Okay. So you hold

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your fist up and you're holding onto
something, and you see your knuckles,

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you see the white knuckles there,
and you're holding on. You're holding on

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tight. This might have been going
on for weeks or years or decad and

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you haven't been able to go.
Then you turn your fist over and you

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see the knuckles on the other side, same thing. You've not been able

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to go. But now you realize, wait a minute, I'm in charge,

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I am powerful. I can make
some choices. I'm going to decide

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right now to let go of that. You open your hand, you wiggle

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your fingers and your thumb, and
you let go that thing, and your

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hand rises because that weight is no
longer so burdensome. So I started doing

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this about a dozen years ago.
When I started doing it, I was

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doing it with some regularity. And
now I'm doing it I don't know every

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couple of months. But when I
find myself, you know, struggling around

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letting something go, I'm not in
control. I'm not in charge. Somebody's

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not asking my opinion or my opinion
doesn't matter. I do have the exercise,

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and it helps me. I laugh
at myself. Well, and that's

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that's just you know, a many
extraes. Have you ever gotten into meditation

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or have you observed people being able
to really learn to let go, to

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forgive, to go through that whole
process through some type of form of meditation

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or therapy or whatever that happens to
be. And actually, you know,

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your fist example really is a short
form of meditation and consciousness and mindfulness.

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Yes, yes, well I agree. I think the whole mindfulness world in

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whichever form that takes place, and
there are different forms. For me,

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I think it's primarily being outdoors of
nature and often by myself, and just

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slowing things down and watching some little
bug, some flower unfolding, and just

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I can almost steel my heart slowing
down and breathing and breathing and saying to

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myself, life's good when you do
that. Yeah, I think you're You're

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totally right. It's a really important
way of taking care of yourself. Rest

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rest. People don't get enough rest. I really advocate taking a day off.

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I don't care how busy you are. I've had a hugely busy,

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you know, set of things going
on in my life for decades. Take

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one day off a week, no
internet, no phone, yes, eat

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some yummy food, be with friends, listen to some music, no shopping

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man, yeah, and just get
away from your life that you've been running

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around in, which is not necessarily
where you want to be. You know.

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One of the things that I find
fascinating and I and I get criticized

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many times, you know, from
different people. I find that I just

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love to study. You know,
I have a creouriosity that I just can't

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stop. So, you know,
I'm sitting here in Thailand and all of

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a sudden, I'm studying Buddhism,
and you know, and I'm comparing it

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to all these other backgrounds that I
have, and so on and so forth.

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And you know, as you say, you know, you you move

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forward with certain degrees, but then
you continue to study and get curious about

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this and about that. What what
have you found? If anything? Is

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there a value to curiosity, to
really wanting to be a lifelong learner not

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only in new things, but also
being able to observe your life in general.

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It is so significant. I'm so
delighted you brought that up. Being

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curious makes life fun. For one
thing, you just see something, maybe

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you've seen it, well, you
didn't really see it. It's happened,

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it's come by you before, and
you really didn't really notice that. It's

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kind of like a new word been
there, but I wasn't paying attention.

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So but it could be brand new
as well. That's that's all. That's

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all part of it. But you
say to yourself, what's going on here?

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Why? How does that work?
How did that get to be?

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You know, what's the history of
this. Being curious is super suit makes

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life so much fun. It's like
ko goes on a vacation without discovering some

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new stuff. And it's also as
an added bonus, uh, fantastically valuable

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in terms of suspending judgment and in
dealing with conflict conflict resolution, because if

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you're curious, you're no longer engaged
in the fight. You're no longer saying

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I'm right and you're wrong. You're
saying I'm curious. Now why did you

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say that? I I didn't,
I don't haven't thought that way myself.

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But tell me more, I'm curious
about how you came to that point of

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view. So curiousity is huge.
Actually, there's been studies done that there

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are seven personal qualities that lead to
life satisfaction and achievement, and curiosity is

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one of those seven. That's how
important it is. Well, and as

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we get that way, then how
do we become curious about our own life

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and the mistakes that we've made and
what do we do about that? Maybe

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the starting point for that is some
self esteem, some self love, but

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you might have to overcome as some
mistakes you made and might have to sort

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of say, hey, I'm not
a perfect person. I'm getting better.

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You know that quote about zig Ziegler. You know, twenty thirty years ago,

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there probably have been people who said, well, I have some bad

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things to say, and they're all
probably all true. Well, I think

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now moving along, working at being
a better person, and all the time

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that population is shrunk a lot.
I would like to believe nobody is saying

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something bad about me. So I
think this is a critical ingredient to living

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a good, fulfilling life. Well, and you know, there's so many

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books have been written about failure and
you know, all of those type of

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things. But when we talk about
curiosity, and I appreciate what you said

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about it, because when we really
think about going back and realizing that,

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you know, mistakes that we've made
or experiences that we've had that may have

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been in our control or maybe they
were not within our control, and yet

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curiosity allows us to go in and
really start to analyze, and then you

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can come from the perspective of either
victimhood or the perspective of what you know

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out of curiosity what value was there? And now what did I learn?

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What has this helped me in any
way create a different perspective of life,

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a different you know, affinity for
life. What are your thoughts on that

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and how does that work well?
I I again, this is one of

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these topics. I'm so glad you've
brought up. I think the sense of

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being a victim is. I don't
think I've yet to meet a person who

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felt like a victim where it was
doing much for them. I think,

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I think again, the antidote for
that sense of victim being a victim,

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I think it relates a lot to
being powerless. And so if you can

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say I'm responsible, Yes this happened, it wasn't in my control, but

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what is in my control is how
I feel about it and what I do

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next. That is in my control. That's a really huge thing. And

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you can also besides taking responsibility for
those things, you can also make some

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choices along the way as to you
know, how you want to show up

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again and again, you know,
being curious about yourself and feeling good about

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yourself, breathing in some self love
and being honest. I mean, I

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don't think there's anybody who's perfect.
I haven't met him. If you have,

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let me know. But that's not
the way life works. People Sometimes

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they bumble along and sometimes they do
good stuff and then they don't do something

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well for a while, they hurt
somebody, and then they move on.

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They mess up. That's just that's
the nature of things. Well, And

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you talk I think in your book
a little bit about transitions. Now you

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have had you have had the experience
of different transitions in your life. Okay,

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and we all have any depending on
age and so forth. But you've

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had those transitions, and from what
I can gather, you have been very

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much in control and have been a
cause in doing those transitions. I think

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there are many people who are faced
with transitions that are outside of their control.

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It just happens, or you know, in general, things change in

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life. And do you find that
people really struggle with that, and do

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you talk about that in the book, and how do people really manage some

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of those transitions in their life.
I definitely do talk about it, because

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life is full of beginnings and endings, and in the middle of those two

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are transitions. And what's around transitions
are a lot of emotions. There's fear

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you knew what was going on before, it may not have been great,

385
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and that's maybe why transition is coming
up something new. But you can hold

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that in an angry way about what
you're leaving behind, and you're leaving a

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company, and you're very upset with
your old boss, and you could also

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be very fearful about what's coming next. That These are powerful, very powerful

389
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emotions. So you've got to come
to terms what are you feeling? Take

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some time. I recommend, highly
recommend journaling what am I doing? You

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know, a lot of emotions are
not just clean one type of thing.

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There's multiple things going on, multiple
emotions all wrapped up in a gooey,

393
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messy thing. You got to take
the time to separate those out, figure

394
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out what's going on, how are
you feeling about it? So at some

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point, as you make progress with
this, you can go back to who

396
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you are. You know, what
do you stand for, what are your

397
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values? What is your purpose here? And that will then realign you,

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hopefully align you with what the next
step is and you create some options for

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yourself and then there's a lot of
planning, a lot of the implementation around

400
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the next step. If you're thoughtful
about this, you're looking inside, You're

401
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looking at yourself, not what somebody
else says you should do listen to that

402
00:34:20.440 --> 00:34:23.079
you know and that voice, talk
to yourself, not listen to yourself.

403
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Talk to yourself with some positive things
to say, and create some options.

404
00:34:30.840 --> 00:34:35.039
Analyze the options. What's going to
work best, what's going to work best

405
00:34:35.079 --> 00:34:37.679
for you, maybe for your family, and then you say, okay,

406
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everything is an experiment in life.
It may work out really well day one,

407
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and it may have to take some
tweaks to get to the place where

408
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it's really humming along those that's okay, that's okay, well, And you

409
00:34:53.639 --> 00:34:58.639
know, it's interesting as I came
out here to Thailand and have you know,

410
00:34:58.760 --> 00:35:02.199
shot to find some people who speaking
Glisha and so you don't looking at

411
00:35:02.239 --> 00:35:07.920
the xpat community and so forth.
It's been fascinating to meet different people and

412
00:35:07.960 --> 00:35:13.599
they've developed some great friends. And
obviously they're at that point of retirement or

413
00:35:13.679 --> 00:35:16.039
close to retirement. They may be
still leaving and doing a little bit of

414
00:35:16.079 --> 00:35:21.519
work from time to time. But
one of the things I've observed for them

415
00:35:21.599 --> 00:35:25.760
and even for me as I'm out
here, is what do I do because

416
00:35:27.000 --> 00:35:30.360
you know, I'm no longer doing
this profession, I'm no longer doing that

417
00:35:30.440 --> 00:35:36.039
profession, which I had done after
the first profession and so forth. And

418
00:35:36.119 --> 00:35:39.920
yet what I say, a lot
happening is and not with everyone, but

419
00:35:40.000 --> 00:35:45.320
I see them having, you know, maybe a good day or maybe just

420
00:35:45.519 --> 00:35:49.920
relaxing and not doing much, and
then in the evening they're all going to

421
00:35:50.000 --> 00:35:58.480
the bars and literally drinking themselves silly. And I look at that, and

422
00:35:58.719 --> 00:36:02.800
you know, I think to degree
is cultural, but in other areas it's

423
00:36:02.880 --> 00:36:07.880
land. I struggle with this sometimes
is how do I what do I do?

424
00:36:07.519 --> 00:36:10.760
You know, I'm no longer doing
these other things, and you know,

425
00:36:10.800 --> 00:36:15.199
I'm quote retired. What do I
do? How do I age well

426
00:36:16.039 --> 00:36:23.079
in an environment that really does not
necessarily encourage me to do that? And

427
00:36:23.159 --> 00:36:28.880
I have to actually take personal responsibility
to do that. But how do we

428
00:36:28.920 --> 00:36:35.000
do that and being able to continue
to live that life of thriving even when

429
00:36:35.039 --> 00:36:40.440
we've gotten to the point where we're
retired. Yeah, well, I should

430
00:36:40.480 --> 00:36:45.480
say that thriving is the climate and
not the weather, So it's the average

431
00:36:45.480 --> 00:36:50.719
over time. Anybody can have a
bad day, So that want to lay

432
00:36:50.760 --> 00:36:55.039
that out. The second thing that's
really important is to make some choices about

433
00:36:55.079 --> 00:37:00.840
who you're spending time with and if
you're spending time with a whole lot of

434
00:37:00.840 --> 00:37:05.880
people who are retired and really have
no purpose and are kind of flat.

435
00:37:06.559 --> 00:37:08.559
There's a good chance you're going to
kind of fallow a suit before long.

436
00:37:09.079 --> 00:37:15.280
So it's important to surround yourself with
some people who are doing interesting things things

437
00:37:15.280 --> 00:37:21.000
are you're interested in yourself? Back
to the curiosity thing, And it's important

438
00:37:21.199 --> 00:37:23.679
again to know yourself. What what
kinds of things do you find interesting?

439
00:37:24.519 --> 00:37:28.880
Are you? Are you reading?
Are you learning something new? You know,

440
00:37:29.199 --> 00:37:32.760
moving off to Thailand is a fantastic
thing, bravo. You know so

441
00:37:32.920 --> 00:37:37.599
many things that are new, I'm
sure for you, and and and that's

442
00:37:37.760 --> 00:37:42.119
that's good. Now you mentioned the
ex pact community. I'm guessing that's because

443
00:37:42.119 --> 00:37:46.000
that's English, uh, And that's
understandable. But part of the ex pat

444
00:37:46.000 --> 00:37:53.880
community could also be people from Europe
or other parts of Asia or something.

445
00:37:54.280 --> 00:37:59.280
And that could they could they could
communicate well enough with you to make the

446
00:37:59.719 --> 00:38:02.440
time with them really good. One
of the things I say about aging well

447
00:38:02.480 --> 00:38:08.920
is to have friends of all ages. That's rare. Most folks have friends

448
00:38:09.000 --> 00:38:13.599
plus or minus their own age,
five years one one way or the other

449
00:38:13.639 --> 00:38:17.079
of their own age very common.
You have so many more things that are

450
00:38:17.119 --> 00:38:23.079
familiar music, you know, growing
up, the period of time you were

451
00:38:23.119 --> 00:38:27.199
growing up. All those things make
it easy. And a lot of people

452
00:38:27.199 --> 00:38:31.320
probably have friends from when they were
in school and it's all these decades later,

453
00:38:31.400 --> 00:38:36.480
but they made those friends then and
that's who their friends are now.

454
00:38:36.840 --> 00:38:40.039
Well, I say, okay,
I understand that I'm not naive about this

455
00:38:40.079 --> 00:38:44.000
stuff. But if you have friends
of all ages, somebody who's half your

456
00:38:44.039 --> 00:38:49.440
age or somebody who's ten or twenty
years older, what's that doing for You

457
00:38:49.480 --> 00:38:53.679
got to learn some new language,
you know, different vocabulary, different ways

458
00:38:53.719 --> 00:39:00.679
of talking about things. You know, it's the way they see the world

459
00:39:00.960 --> 00:39:05.639
is going to show up in different
ways, and that's interesting and it keeps

460
00:39:05.679 --> 00:39:10.119
you fresh if you're asking questions and
you're interested in them, And that's the

461
00:39:10.159 --> 00:39:15.599
whole crux of this Friends of all
ages. Yes, and fortunately I head

462
00:39:15.599 --> 00:39:19.719
back to the US at the end
of the month, so it's going to

463
00:39:19.800 --> 00:39:24.119
be and as so it's summer there
and winter here. But what I find

464
00:39:24.199 --> 00:39:29.480
interesting, as you say, is
and I love that concept is having friends

465
00:39:29.960 --> 00:39:35.199
of various ages because it really keeps
you alert, it keeps you thinking,

466
00:39:35.800 --> 00:39:39.159
and you know, I mean,
I have four kids, and so you

467
00:39:39.199 --> 00:39:44.039
know they are my friends as well
as children as you have also. But

468
00:39:44.159 --> 00:39:51.480
it's interesting to get into those conversations
with them and really listening and realizing that,

469
00:39:51.559 --> 00:39:54.920
wow, their modality of thinking,
the way that they're approaching things.

470
00:39:54.920 --> 00:39:58.679
As you said with your kids,
you just you know they're doing things you

471
00:39:58.719 --> 00:40:02.440
would never do yourself. And yet
you know that that really does keep that

472
00:40:02.519 --> 00:40:10.199
curiosity and that keeps that whole awareness
alive. I want to add another part

473
00:40:10.199 --> 00:40:14.719
of this I think is really important
is it's sort of your self attitude.

474
00:40:14.760 --> 00:40:19.679
You mentioned people who are retired,
and this is this is a cultural concept.

475
00:40:19.840 --> 00:40:23.719
You know. I remember my dad's
turning one hundred and two next Sunday,

476
00:40:24.280 --> 00:40:30.920
and he worked until he was ninety. He loved his work, He

477
00:40:30.000 --> 00:40:35.679
got so much positive feedback, he
was helping so many people. He never

478
00:40:35.760 --> 00:40:38.400
wanted to stop. He finally had
to because he couldn't see very well and

479
00:40:38.440 --> 00:40:45.519
he couldn't hear very well. So
this, but this concept of being old

480
00:40:45.239 --> 00:40:51.119
retirement for a lot of people is
just basically falling off a cliff. And

481
00:40:51.400 --> 00:40:53.880
one of the things that people have
said they love about my book is that

482
00:40:53.960 --> 00:41:01.519
the appendix has a paragraph on seventy
five books I've read that really impacted me,

483
00:41:02.199 --> 00:41:07.719
and one of those books is Younger
next Year. It's a fantastic book.

484
00:41:07.760 --> 00:41:14.960
I really recommend it to your listeners. Uh it's it's two two people

485
00:41:15.119 --> 00:41:22.480
come together, a doctor, an
internist and a fellow who was a retired

486
00:41:22.960 --> 00:41:27.519
lawyer but who's very active. In
one chapter is by the lawyer. The

487
00:41:27.519 --> 00:41:32.239
next chapters and the sort of medicine, the physiology of aging, and basically

488
00:41:32.360 --> 00:41:37.320
premises, no, you do not
have to be older next year. There

489
00:41:37.320 --> 00:41:42.199
are things you can do. And
part of it's a mindset of saying no,

490
00:41:42.199 --> 00:41:45.679
no, no, no. Having
friends who are a lot younger helps

491
00:41:45.719 --> 00:41:50.079
you. You're not going to show
up as the old guy. No,

492
00:41:50.239 --> 00:41:52.000
I don't want to be that guy. I want to I want to be

493
00:41:52.039 --> 00:41:58.960
coming with something interesting to say,
maybe maybe a joke. Well, and

494
00:41:59.360 --> 00:42:04.639
my dad worked he was eighty six, so you know that was amazing too,

495
00:42:04.719 --> 00:42:07.840
so you're right. It just there's
that motivation to say, you know

496
00:42:07.920 --> 00:42:14.320
what, I'm not going to let
go just because I'm aging, and I

497
00:42:14.320 --> 00:42:20.320
think that becomes key. So as
we close, and this is a tough

498
00:42:20.320 --> 00:42:22.400
thing to do, I know,
but I'd love for you to just you

499
00:42:22.440 --> 00:42:28.639
know, share a thought that you
have that you'd like to share with the

500
00:42:28.679 --> 00:42:32.559
audience to just kind of sum up
what you really are trying to get across

501
00:42:32.599 --> 00:42:37.880
and the message that you're trying to
get across to the audience. I think

502
00:42:37.920 --> 00:42:44.559
the central message in the work I'm
doing now and in my book is about

503
00:42:44.559 --> 00:42:49.599
the power, the enormous power we
have to make choices which will get us

504
00:42:49.639 --> 00:42:52.199
on the road to thriving. These
are choices of how we spend our time,

505
00:42:52.840 --> 00:42:57.199
who we spend our time with,
and even our emotions. That might

506
00:42:57.239 --> 00:43:00.920
surprise people, but we have choices
about our emotions and especially how we hold

507
00:43:00.960 --> 00:43:06.039
on to them. I love it. I love it. How do people

508
00:43:06.039 --> 00:43:09.320
find your book? Thank you?
Well, you can go it's it's of

509
00:43:09.360 --> 00:43:15.519
course at Amazon, but it's also
at all the independence stores. I will

510
00:43:15.519 --> 00:43:19.000
be doing an audiobook this summer.
I'm excited about that. But it's in

511
00:43:19.800 --> 00:43:25.039
ebook, paperback, and hardcover.
Uh. And you can also go to

512
00:43:25.079 --> 00:43:30.920
my website, my book website rand
saylik dot com, R A N D

513
00:43:30.440 --> 00:43:35.239
S E l I G dot com. You can order the book there.

514
00:43:35.280 --> 00:43:39.400
You can learn more about me,
more about what the book is about,

515
00:43:39.559 --> 00:43:45.039
some amazing testimonials, A list of
podcasts all add years when it comes out,

516
00:43:46.039 --> 00:43:50.119
and yeah, it's great. It's
great. So you can go either

517
00:43:50.119 --> 00:43:53.159
way. And you can also find
me on LinkedIn. Well. And the

518
00:43:53.159 --> 00:43:57.280
book that you were talking about,
what was the name of that book again

519
00:43:57.320 --> 00:44:02.800
that you said was among the lists
that you had Younger next Year, Younger

520
00:44:02.840 --> 00:44:07.760
next Year. Okay, and you
know you talk about audible IOSM. You

521
00:44:07.760 --> 00:44:12.440
know you're going to do that.
It's great. I wonder how many people

522
00:44:12.639 --> 00:44:15.199
really think about the fact that as
they're driving to work, and particularly those

523
00:44:15.199 --> 00:44:20.119
that are community commuting in a large
city, you know, for an hour

524
00:44:20.239 --> 00:44:23.039
or so, and they're just listening
to music, they're listening to news and

525
00:44:23.039 --> 00:44:30.960
so forth, how how much can
be gained by listening to books. I

526
00:44:30.639 --> 00:44:36.559
try to walk, you know,
each morning and for an hour or so.

527
00:44:36.760 --> 00:44:39.639
And what I find is, if
I've got my AirPods in and I

528
00:44:39.679 --> 00:44:45.440
am listening to a book, I'm
learning, I'm doing something very effectively.

529
00:44:45.119 --> 00:44:49.719
And I think, you know,
you have brought up such an interesting thing

530
00:44:49.719 --> 00:44:54.480
about how important it is to be
curious, to read, to continue to

531
00:44:54.519 --> 00:45:01.760
discover things about different areas. I
like what you're saying, doctor Doug,

532
00:45:01.840 --> 00:45:06.920
and but I also want to say
that, and somebody asked me this at

533
00:45:06.960 --> 00:45:09.039
one of my book talks recently.
He said, well, when I go

534
00:45:09.159 --> 00:45:14.119
for a walk, I'm always got
my earbuds in and I'm listening to a

535
00:45:14.159 --> 00:45:19.320
podcast or a you know, a
book, And is that okay? And

536
00:45:19.360 --> 00:45:22.039
I said, yeah, yeah,
learning, being interested is of course a

537
00:45:22.079 --> 00:45:28.119
fantastic thing. But occasionally take the
earbuds out. Just slow down, listen

538
00:45:28.159 --> 00:45:34.400
to yourself, just enjoy things,
you know, be with yourself, embrace

539
00:45:34.519 --> 00:45:38.039
that, and then take a look
at that little something going on. Just

540
00:45:38.239 --> 00:45:43.679
stop and look at that. That
amazing it's world we live in. It's

541
00:45:44.400 --> 00:45:51.920
so many fascinating nature. Mother Nature
has done this amazing thing. Just absorb

542
00:45:51.960 --> 00:45:58.559
it. Stop, yes, just
stop and enjoy the environment. I totally

543
00:45:58.599 --> 00:46:01.480
agree with you, Ram, Thanks
so much for being on the show.

544
00:46:02.039 --> 00:46:06.880
I really appreciate this is fascinating,
and folks, I hope that you will

545
00:46:07.480 --> 00:46:10.559
really look at this and if you
find this interesting, get that book and

546
00:46:12.280 --> 00:46:16.440
really see if you can discover some
things about yourself and find a way to

547
00:46:16.559 --> 00:46:22.840
really thrive in your life in a
much different way than perhaps you've been experiencing.

548
00:46:22.880 --> 00:46:25.880
This is doctor Doug saying thank you
so much for listening. Hope you'll

549
00:46:27.480 --> 00:46:28.480
join us again soon.