Nov. 11, 2024
Hold Space to Heal
There are many thoughts on the approaches to let go of those things that are causing us stress. And many times those things are coming from the subconscious mind.
Dominiece Clifton has very systematically developed somatic approaches that she has...
There are many thoughts on the approaches to let go of those things that are causing us stress. And many times those things are coming from the subconscious mind.
Dominiece Clifton has very systematically developed somatic approaches that she has found very successful for herself and others to move forward to rediscover their innate goodness and power and to find peace and joy in their lives.
https://domrclifton.com
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This program is designed to provide general information with regards
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to the subject matters covered. This information is given with
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the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station
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are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,
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legal counseling, professional service, or any advice. You should seek
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the services of competent professionals before applying or trying any
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suggested ideas.
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At the end of the day, it's not about what
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you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what
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you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up,
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who you've made better. It's about what you've given back.
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Denzel Washington, welcome to Inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is
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to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you
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to do the same.
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Dominie, thank you for being on the show.
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Hi, doctor Doug, thank you so much for having me today.
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I'm happy to be here.
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I'm excited. This is going to be an interesting topic,
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and I know you focus on some very specific things,
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but what I love for you to do is share
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with the audience your journey that brought you to this
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point in time, where you've written a book and where
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you're doing what you're doing.
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So my journey really starts with my childhood. I was
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born to a teen mom and I've never met my
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biological father, and so I was born into a very
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traumatic situation. I had a very traumatic conception story, and
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for so long I had a lot of shame and
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a lot of guilt around, you know, being a team mom,
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never knowing my dad so much so that I hit
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it for a long time. People very close to me,
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friends and some family knew, but you know, close friends,
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things of that nature. They didn't really fully know my
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story up until just a few years ago. It was
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something that I never really talked about just because of
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the amount of shame and guilt that I held and
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growing up. Honestly, my mom and I didn't talk about
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it much either. It was the big elephant in the
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room that I think, you know, we both just had
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a really hard time having conversation about. I didn't learn
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until my thirtieth the year that I turned thirty, when
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I really like sat her down and demanded some answers,
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that she had still had a lot of her own
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unresolved trauma from the situation, and that was partly mostly
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why she never talked about it. And so it was
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just in the last like five or six years that
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I started doing the work to really uncover and understand
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how I got here, why I had held so much
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guilt and shame and unworthiness about not having my dad
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and being born to a team mom and being able
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to heal and work through that thing. I just got
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to a point in my life where for so long
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I had been numb.
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I had existed that way.
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I had swallowed a lot of emotions in the midst
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of trying to block out some things, and so you know,
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I numb the good and the bad in the midst
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of trying to just forget certain things. And so for
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a long time I was just on autopilot and existing
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and just really existing, not feeling happy, not feeling joyful,
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not really feeling like I was fulfilled or had purpose.
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And I got tired of living that way. I got
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tired of the autopilot. I got tired of working, waking
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up every day and going to work and feeling unfulfilled
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and just kind of feeling like I was just blowing
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in the wind. And so I started doing the work
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that a lot of times we don't want to do
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because it's hard. You got to go back and you know,
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find answers and deal with things that you closed the
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box on for decades. And so it's just in the
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last seven years that I've been really committed to my
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own healing journey, and I found that the more that
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I did my own work, the more that I wanted
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to help other people, and that I was being guided
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to help other people. I never saw myself being in
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the wellness industry. Sometimes I laugh when people ask me, well,
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what did you major in college? I was a fashion
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merchandising major. And so I've completely veered off from where
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I originally started and what I thought my life would be.
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And so I'm here today.
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You know, I started an organization called Move and Still,
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and I'm sure we'll talk about that. Moving Still provides,
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you know, stress management and wellness services, and everything that
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I do is really all about connection, community and change
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and helping people to do their guiding people to do
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their own healing work. And I've just found my way
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here today because of my own story and just having
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I would say, having the courage to begin to go
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back in to release the things that were holding me back.
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So that's a bit about me and who I am
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and how I got here.
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Great, Hey, thank you, that's a great, great story. You
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know what comes to my mind, and it's really a question,
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And I don't know if you've really looked at this,
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but I suspect you have. What is it about us
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as children that we create a perception for ourselves that
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brings about that guilt, that shame when we had nothing
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to do with what's going on. Have you looked at
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that to see why on earth you developed that guilt
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and shame?
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You know, I haven't done a ton of research about why,
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but I will say that I'm a parent and I'm
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raising a four in seven year old, so I can
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shed some light just based on what I'm observing as
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a parent. I think it's children. I've had to do
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a lot of forgiving of my own mom because I
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think I held such a i don't know, like an
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unrealistic expectation of what my mom, who my mom should
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have been to me. And then I realized once I
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became a mother that, wow, like I was holding her
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to a standard that was really hard and she's not perfect,
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she is human. She had me at sixteen, she was
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doing her best. But to answer your question, I have
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two girls, four and seven, and I see now the
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way that I can say something or I can do
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something and it can be completely misinterpreted. And so I
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think it's children, Like our brains aren't fully developed into
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twenty five and so we're trying to do our best
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to process and understand the world. Someone can say something
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to a child and it can be completely misinterpreted. So
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I think for me as a child, I just kind
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of was trying to make sense of what my life
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was and as a result of that and not having
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conversations and not having a lot of answers, I just
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bottle that down. It came a lot of guilt and shame,
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but I think that was just the way that I
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was able to interpret the situation. I think had my
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mom been more open to having conversation, it might have helped.
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With some of the feelings that I was feeling.
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And so for me as a parent now, I really
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try to in the midst of recently like separating and
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divorcing from my partner and like that being a major
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life change, I try to have conversations with my children
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because otherwise what happens is that kids try to make
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sense of the world on their own and oftentimes it's
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not reality, but it's the way that their little brains
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interpret and try to make sense of things.
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Well, And as you have conversations, do you find that
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oftentimes you pick up on the fact that they have
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created a different perception of what you actually intended to
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be or to say yes, and you're able, how do
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you overcome that? How do you help them to change
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that perception when you recognize that they've developed that.
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So I have found that really just explaining it, which
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can be hard, right, you're trying to explain life and
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adult concepts to children. I have a foreign seven year old,
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and sometimes when they say things, it's like, wow, that's
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that's really not how things are, but that's how you
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perceive it. Just to give you an example, when my
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husband when my ex husband and I separated and we
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were going through the divorce process, it was of course
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like a major life transition for all of us, our
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family co parenting and splitting that way, my youngest daughter,
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who I think at the time we were having this conversation,
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she was about three, so she was a little bit younger.
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She's almost five now, but I remember her saying.
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That you don't love me anymore because you don't love
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Daddy anymore. And so I had to explain, well, I'm
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always going to love you, and it's not that I
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don't love Daddy anymore. Mommy and Daddy have just decided
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that we aren't going to be together, but I will
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always loved you.
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Know, he's your dad. We were together for a long time.
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So I had to explain to her that just.
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Because two people aren't together, that doesn't mean that I
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don't love that person anymore, and it also doesn't change
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the love I have for you. The last thing I'll
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add here is that I've noticed that my children oftentimes
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there's this like limited understanding of what love is, and
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they think, well, if you love my sister, then you
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can't love me, and it's just like that's not the
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way life works. And so for me, it's been a
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lot of just trying to explain things to them in
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a way that is easy for them to understand with
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their you know, very limited minds right now. But children
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are also very resilient and are able to figure things out,
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and so I think conversation just in general is really
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helpful for not internalizing some of the emotions that you
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often see that as adults were trying to, you know,
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unlearn and release in parents.
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I hope you're listening to this because that's some of
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the best sage advice that I think any parent can have,
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is that communication and that conversation that they can have
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with their kids. So you mentioned move and Still. Can
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you explain what that is?
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Yeah, So the name is literally, I would say, the
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premise of the business right movement and stillness, and so
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move and Still.
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I started in twenty twenty two.
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It was shortly after stepping away from online coaching, so
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I started coaching in the middle. Like in the height
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of COVID, I had gone through a ninety day process
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of focusing every day on my mind, my body, and
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my spirit. I started that in March of twenty twenty two,
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and after that ninety day period, the idea for the
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idea for that ninety day challenge came to me during
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a meditation. And it was at a point where I
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was unemployed, not as a result directly of COVID, but
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I had walked away from my job thinking that I
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was just going to take a slightly longer maternity leave
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after having my daughter in September, and then COVID happened
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in March, and so it wasn't a great time to
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be entering the workforce, and so I found myself unemployed,
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not really having a plan. I was having difficulties in
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my marriage, and to say like my life was feeling
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like it was in shambles is a bit of an understatement.
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So I just did the only thing that I knew
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how to do at that time, and oftentimes today it's
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the only thing I know how to do.
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I got still. I couldn't figure it out.
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You know, I'm overthinker, and I I tried to figure
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it out on my own and nothing was working. There
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weren't any answers coming to me. So I got still,
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and in the midst of that stillness, I heard this
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whisper say, focus every day for the next ninety days
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on your mind, your body, and your spirit. And I
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did that, and at the end of that ninety days,
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Doctor Doug, I was.
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A completely different person.
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Physically, I'd lost maybe about fifteen pounds or so, but
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the biggest transformation was how I felt spiritually and emotionally.
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I felt like I was alive and awake for the
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first time. And for me, it was like Wow, I
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had no idea that I was existing in this kind
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of state of numbness. And even at that point I
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had already been doing personal development work and growth work,
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but this was like a new heightened level of awareness
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and awakening. And so I started coaching shortly after that
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time because I wanted everyone to feel what I had
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been feeling. I quickly burned out in the coaching industry.
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I quickly also was realizing that clients were coming to
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me for health and wellness and nutrition. Women, very educated women,
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very you know, successful women, but they were all very
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stressed out. Again, this was the middle of COVID. They
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were balancing full time roles with school and families and
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all of these things. And it no longer was about
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a meal plan or you know, what you needed to
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eat or how you needed to work out. It was
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