Oct. 2, 2024

Heal Your Marriage

Heal Your Marriage

How often do we find ourselves blaming the other person for a breakdown of your relationship?
New insight! You can change it by discovering yourself.
Tammy Cox is my guest on the show and has lived the journey and achieved that desired result of...

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How often do we find ourselves blaming the other person for a breakdown of your relationship?
New insight! You can change it by discovering yourself.
Tammy Cox is my guest on the show and has lived the journey and achieved that desired result of repairing her marriage by doing just that.
And she if offering a complimentary discussion with you.
https://reclaimurmarriage.com

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WEBVTT

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This program is designed to provide general information with regards

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to the subject matters covered. This information is given with

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the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station

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are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,

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legal counseling, professional service, or any advice.

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You should seek the services.

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Of competent professionals before applying or trying any suggested ideas.

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At the end of the day, it's not about what

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you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what

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you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up,

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who you've made better. It's about what you've given back.

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Denzel Washington, welcome to Inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is

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to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you

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to do the same.

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Tammy, Welcome to the show.

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Ah, so happy to be here. Doctor Doug.

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Well, it was great to have you on this show.

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This this is going to be fascinating. Of course, we've

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had some conversation before we started this, so that's been

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fascinating and I'm looking forward to this. What I'd love

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for you to do is share with the audience who

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you are and what is your journey that brought you

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to this point of doing what you're doing.

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Okay, So I am Tammy Cox. I help women save

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their marriage from divorce, whether or not their husbands are

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on board, by healing the wounds caused by childhood trauma.

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And my story is I grew up in a home

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with tons of trauma. I grew up with my dad

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was you know, abusive, controlling. A lot of the religious trauma.

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You know how I told you I come from a

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very religious background, but it was religion with tons of control,

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like you can't do this, put us in a bubble,

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you know. And fast forward when I was eleven, my

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father ended up dying of AIDS and I all of

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a sudden was privy to a whole mysterious side I

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had no idea about. So basically I spent my teen

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years very very angry, very very I was filled with rage,

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really at with unforgiveness like you name it. So by

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the time I was nineteen, I was on a downward

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spiral and it was one of the first times I

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was severely depressed and suicidal. And I made a decision

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at nineteen and then again, you know, when I had

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another severe depression. When I was twenty nine ish, I

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made a decision that I was either going to take

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my life or I was going to heal. And so

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when I was nineteen was the start of my journey.

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But then I ended up going like this, you know

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how we go on our journey, up down, up down

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up doown? Well, when I became a wife and when

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I became a mom, all my triggers started going off.

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All that stuff that I thought was way in the past,

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that was in my childhood is started rising up within me.

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And so I didn't know what to do with myself.

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I went through all the books. I went through religion, prayer, therapy,

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like you name it, retreats, I did it, and nothing

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worked until I really started doing the trauma work. And

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that was that was when I started digging into my trauma.

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And once I did that, I completely transformed. Oh, by

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the way, my marriage was terrible, like terrible. So once

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I healed and transformed, my marriage transformed, my family unit transformed.

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And that's when I was like this is like, this

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is it, this is what I've been searching for, and

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so obviously I want to help myself. Like so I

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help women who are in the same position that I

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was in, where all their traumas are coming up. They

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have no idea what's going on. They've tried all the

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things and nothing has worked. And they think it's their husband,

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but it's not. It's them. It's him too, but it's them.

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And yeah, so that's who I serve and that's what

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I love to do well.

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And you know, it's fascinating as you talk about different

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causes for those limiting beliefs and how do they affect now.

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And we're going to talk about women because that's your

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main focus, but obviously this is totally relevant them into

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It's just that they don't have quite the right brain

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to get in and really do the work as hard

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as women do. But how how do you find well,

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first of all, I want to go back, and this

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is a very delicate subject, is the suicide. But I

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would like for you to share with the audience how

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what was it that allowed you to move away from

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that process and move into a different mindset in a

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different life. I just lost I just lost a nephew

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to suicide and and it's it is so difficult to understand.

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And you know, here in Utah where I'm at a

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huge suicide rate, and it's like, how do we help

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these young people or you know, twenty year old or

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whatever you want to call them. How do we help

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them to recognize if they're in that depressed type of state,

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how can they break away from that rather than just

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thinking that everything is hopeless.

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Well, they first have to understand that you are not

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just this. You're not just a body. One day you're

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going to shed this body and you will never not

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be you. Right, So you have to give them this understanding.

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And I believe that probably that's happening in Utah because

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it's so religious and we're moving away from religion because

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religion has added a bunch of shame. Right, that's what

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I grew up with, so much shame. You're not this thing.

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Look this list of rules. You're not adding up to

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this list of rules. What are you doing? And so

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it's like these shame tapes that are going off in

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our head when you talk about the limiting beliefs, it's

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all the shame that's like, you're not this right. And

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so we got to teach like religion is missing some

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major major holes within our divinity as human beings. We

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are not just a body and if we see ourself

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as a body, then it's like, oh, I better take

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myself out of this.

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You know.

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Like one thing that I really work on with my

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clients is their thought patterns, and the Bible talks about this.

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In fact, I use a lot of the Bible. I'm

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in no way anti religion. I just think religion needs

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to open up to the fuller part of what it

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could be, which is really dealing with that spiritual aspect

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of us. So for me to go to that place

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where I'm like, no, I'm going to heal myself, I

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had to know that I wasn't just this meat suit.

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I had to know that I was spirit as well.

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And so in changing the way I thought, I changed

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myself entirely. So if you understand how your thoughts work,

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your thoughts are creating your whole life experience because it

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goes Identity creates the beliefs. Beliefs create the thoughts, Thoughts

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create the emotions, and the emotions create the circumstances of

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our life. So we got to go back to the identity.

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Who are you? Who are you? And if all you

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can give me is this name of your meat suit,

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We're missing a huge component of who and what you.

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Are well, and yeah, and you know where you have

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a religious background. I have a religious background in Christianity,

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and as I told you earlier, I'm you know, I

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also love Buddhism and have really studied that a bit.

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But you know what I find, and I think you've

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hit it on the spot, is so many people do

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not understand that there's a divinity within us. And as

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you say, if all we're doing is focusing on our body,

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that's that's a nightmare. Whereas if we understand, you know,

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I think one of the things that has fascinated me

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so much as I've looked at this whole process is that,

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you know, when Christ said I am that I am,

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And as I've looked at a lot of the scriptures

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and so forth, I'm sure you do. What fascinates me

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is that somehow that has all come around to you

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need to do this, You need to do that, as

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you were saying, and then that guilt, that shame all

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comes honest, rather than the focus on becoming yeah, and

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becoming complete and who who we knowing myself right, yeah,

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knowing thyself and becoming complete. You know that scripture that

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says be there for perfect doesn't mean perfect, it means complete.

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And what does that mean? In my mind? It means

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that we start to understand how we've been so affected

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by DNA, history, memory, by childhood, by religion, by all

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of those things, and being able to understand that what's

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important is for us to become.

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Yes, yeah, I mean, I'm I'm reminded of Like what

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Jesus spoke about more than anything else was the Kingdom

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of Heaven. And if you ask most people who follow

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any religion that is based in the Bible, they can't

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even tell you what the Kingdom of Heaven is. And

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it is the most important part of who and what

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we are. It's like it is us. It is that

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heavenly state that we can tap into at any point

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in time. Right, But if we're so caught up in

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that ego side to our mind, it's about knowing thyself,

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meaning knowing the parts that are really you and the

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pretended you, which is the ego, which is all those

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beliefs that are constantly going zu zuzuzuzu in my mind, right,

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and this takes me to one thing I do for

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my clients that I think changes them more than anything else.

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It's identifying the major limiting beliefs. We call them commands

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life commands in my line of work, but it's identifying

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the life commands that are really running the show and

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my two or I'm unlovable and I'm not important. And

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once I found them, I saw all the different places

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in my life that I made those true for myself.

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Well, and it was let's talk about that for a minute,

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because you know you're unlovable that type of thing. What

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did you see happening in your life that were the

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results of that which you didn't realize until you know

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you figured it out. But what were you what experiences

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were you having in your marriage and all of those

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type of things that when you finally look back, you

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realize it had to do with those lemonade plus I'm

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not lovable.

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Yeah, I remember telling my husband when we're not good.

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Sometimes I still do this, by the way, but I'll

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be like, I'll do you even love me like just

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he hates when I do it, but I'll still do

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it from time to time. But I did it all

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the time when we were in a really unhaled place

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and he couldn't stand it. But I really didn't feel

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like he loved me, and what I didn't realize was

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I was not letting him love me because I did

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not believe I was lovable. When you tell someone who

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believes so strongly that they are unlovable, it just bounces

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right off. In fact, it made me not trust people

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that told me that they loved me. So it wasn't

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until I went back. So we do this process to

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neutralize the trauma, and we basically go back to the

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traumatic events, and we do it in the first five

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years because that's where your entire personality was developed. So

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we go back to the earliest memories. And so for me,

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these commands came up in every one of my traumatic events.

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And just know that a traumatic event doesn't have to

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be an accident. It doesn't have to be this huge thing.

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It could be something so simple. But in every traumatic event,

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I had both those commands that were always highlighted. And

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so what happens is when we're in this high state

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of negative, we create this belief and it gets stamped

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onto our subconscious mind and it basically stays there forevermore so,

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we need to figure we need to figure out those

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ones that are very specific to us in order to

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override them with the truth. So for me it was

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it was when like my dad would spank us, but

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they were very abusive rituals that he would use, and

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so those were major traumas for me. But then I

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had small ones, like I had this one around my

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own safety and it was just basically my dad getting

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an IV and my little tiny mind came up with

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this belief that I'm not safe or my future's not safe.

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Just from that event. It wasn't anything significant, and we

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have those with everything. We have them around money, we

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have beliefs around male's females. So for me, my dad

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being abusive, my commands around men were men are scary

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and men hurt me. Could you imagine the kind of

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men I attracted with those beliefs. Yes, yes, So it's

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so important for us to find those beliefs because then

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we could say, Okay, this is not something I want

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to keep true for myself.

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Well, and you know, it's so interesting you to talk

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about that those beliefs and if you get into meditation

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and quantum physics and all of that type of thing,

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and the reality is those limiting beliefs shed forth a

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frequency that literally and you know, I try to explain

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to people when you have a magnet where boom they

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come together, what happens is that we literally attract the

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very thing that we're trying to avoid because we are

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still living within that frequency.

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Yep, yep we are. And that's how that's how fear works.

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That's why people who are fearful, they're constantly attracting fear

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to them. People who are victims constantly attracting victim circumstances.

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Haven't you noticed they got a new victims story for

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you every day? And so yeah, it's like we are

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everything that we attract in our life, just like our

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meeting today, doctor Doug. All of it is frequency. We're

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attracting everything. So instead of judging it when you attract

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someone into your life, like with ladies, I also have

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friends who are former coaches, and I'd love one place

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I'd really love to go next is with attracting your

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perfect mate because it's the same system I work on now.

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And so they'll call me and I'll be like, when

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you when you meet someone and they have these qualities,

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don't judge it. All you need to say is okay,

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I'm I'm seeing that I'm still attracting this pattern. Let

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me go through and really work on my beliefs around

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on who men are, who I am, what life is like,

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the beliefs that I'm really holding, because they're always going

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to be reflected back to you and your experience. So

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don't judge it. Just look at it, take take a

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little investigation a microscope, and just start like really zooming

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in and being like, Okay, what is going on in

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my consciousness that I'm attracting this well?

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And you know, it's interesting because you talk about the

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trauma that you went through, and there's a huge percentage

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of individuals that go through that type of trauma and

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so we cannot minimize that at all. But what I

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find really fascinating is, and you brought it up that

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you said, well, they were these little things. So it

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also has to do with perception and as children, you know,

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I think they're so you know, there's probably people that

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are listening and said, hey, I had a great childhood.

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You know, I had a wonderful childhood, So what's the deal.

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And yet we have to understand that as children, we

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have a perception that is not necessarily reality. So a

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parent can say something to us and that perception is saying, oh,

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you're saying I'm not good enough, but in fact that's

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not what they meant. But that's what you got. Yeah.

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And then there's epigenetics to Doug.

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Oh yeah, and that's what gets scary. You know. I

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think about that a lot because I think about you know,

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free will agency, all of that. People talk about that,

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but the reality is how much do we have when

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we have those DNA memories from past generations that are

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still within us that from time to time because of epigenetics,

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will come up and it won't even be our memory,

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it will be an ancestors memory, and yet we're experiencing it.

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I tested this one. So I had a father that

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was really scary, right, doesn't my mom had a father

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that was very scary. My second daughter, I only tested

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this in one of my children, but she has the

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same Her dad is docile, sweet, mellow, like nothing like

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my dad, right, But she has the same beliefs about men,

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which I work on with her, which is men hurt

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me and men are scary. And so, because I really

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wanted to know, not all my daughters have that. I

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have three daughters, they don't all have the same beliefs,

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but they are pulling from our lineage. But the beautiful

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part about epigenetics, if you've really done your research, we

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can turn off all the markers with our healing. When

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we go in. We healed generations back as far as

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generations forward. So it's a very powerful thing. It's the

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one thing I say, it's the greatest gift you can

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give this world is to heal yourself, because you you

305
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will heal your lineage.

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And you know, I don't know that people understand that

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I've got a great well I think a great story

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about that. But you know, I come from a family

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of six children, right, and five boys and then one girl.

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My dad literally growing up was had a belt taken

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to him often by his father and so and and

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I know that that probably went on for generations in

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the past. And I watched now that I'm adult, and

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I look back, my dad and my mom never spanked us.

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Now here you have five boys that are going to

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drive you crazy. They never spanked us at all. And

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because of that, in my family now and my extended

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family with my brothers and my sister, guess what, no

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one gets spanked. There's not that physical abuse anymore. And

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so I think what you said is so important that

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we can change the future generations just by consciously realizing

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like my dad did, that I'm going to change this pattern.

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And by doing that now it's going to be inherited

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by future generations that that's not going to happen anymore. Yeah,

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so beautiful, right, So what do you do with women

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who are struggling? How do you go back and help

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them to discover that early childhood or even that epigenetic memory.

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Well, first of all, we identify the emotion. So we

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have all these trapped emotions in our body, right, the

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good ones we want to keep there, there does the

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stuff we want to keep. But there's some stuff in

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you we need to get rid of. So our job

333
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is to really pull out the negative emotions that are

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trapped in there. And so we'll just start by I'll

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start by asking him questions. What's so we all use

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the example of the husband, because he's like the reason.

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He is the closest mirror, the strongest mirror to her

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where it's like, right, so what's going on in your marriage?

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How are you feeling from him? So if she doesn't

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feel loved by him, I'll say Okay, tap into that emotion, right,

341
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feel it fully in your body. It's always trapped somewhere.

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And I'll say, first impression, where's that? Where's that located

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in your body? She her eyes are closed, she feels it,

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she puts her hands on it. What color is it?

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Because the two things, the two languages we first learned

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when we come into this world is emotion and color,

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and so much of our stuff we can identify that way.

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So then I'll say pull up, because I use very

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much use the subconscious, right, So you say, pull up

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the first image of the time you've felt this emotion.

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And sometimes if she's not in if you know, because

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most of us were not in tune with our subconscious

353
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at all, but it's always the first voice. You're almost

354
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always going to try and talk yourself out of it,

355
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you're almost always going to argue with it, but it

356
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will be the first thing that pops up. So then

357
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we go through that event. We basically neutralize the event.

358
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So we go through the event over and over again

359
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until there's no more emotion left. And sometimes I'll see

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them take a deep breath in. They'll take like a

361
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deep sigh or a deep breath and then you kind

362
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of just see it pass out of the body.

363
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Well, and you're using a process that is similar to NLP,

364
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your linguistic programming.

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Is that basically some forms some forms of NLP, because

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it's not in all forms it's in there's hints of

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it in E, M, d R. It's kind of a

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similar process. There's some in NLP, but there's many different

369
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processes that kind of to do a similar thing.

370
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Yes, yes, absolutely, And I think the key is to

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be able to go in and help them to, as

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you say, take the influence of an off or reframe

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it in a way that they look at it from

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an entirely different perspective. But how do you help them

375
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to literally remove it? Or is it that? And then

376
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you talked about ego, you talked about consciousness. How is

377
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it that people can literally either let it go or

378
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at least minimize it enough and be aware enough that

379
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when that starts to creep up again they start to

380
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see behavior reflecting that again. How do they get to

381
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the point where that's not happening anymore.

382
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They have to be so sick of the pain. I'll

383
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be honest with you. Some people just they haven't experienced

384
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enough pain where they're just like, I'm not going to

385
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torture myself anymore. Like every time you go back to

386
00:23:58.759 --> 00:24:02.960
an event or remember it the same, you never remember

387
00:24:03.000 --> 00:24:06.279
it the same. Why Because it's not a reality. It's

388
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something you created in your mind. That's why two people

389
00:24:10.240 --> 00:24:12.359
can go to an event and it's like, no, this happened, No,

390
00:24:12.440 --> 00:24:14.519
this happened, No, this happened, No this. They all have

391
00:24:14.559 --> 00:24:18.480
different accounts because, like you said earlier, it is their perception.

392
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It's through the eyes of their beliefs that they're perceiving

393
00:24:22.319 --> 00:24:25.680
the event. So once you change the beliefs, you can

394
00:24:25.720 --> 00:24:27.920
go back to an event. So I like to go

395
00:24:28.079 --> 00:24:31.400
back to my events, and I like to remember them

396
00:24:31.720 --> 00:24:34.480
in a different way, like you said, in a positive way.

397
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I don't want to demonize my dad. My dad did

398
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the best he could. He was just living his programming, right.

399
00:24:42.759 --> 00:24:45.160
I don't want to demonize myself. I don't want to

400
00:24:45.160 --> 00:24:47.680
demonize someone else. I don't want to demonize life. So

401
00:24:48.079 --> 00:24:51.400
for me, I create the story that I want to create.

402
00:24:53.279 --> 00:24:55.480
That's what I do. I go back and I create

403
00:24:55.519 --> 00:24:58.200
the story I want to create, and I basically set

404
00:24:58.400 --> 00:25:03.240
fire to the one that I distortingly created. As a little,

405
00:25:03.279 --> 00:25:08.039
tiny girl who right just had a different set of beliefs.

406
00:25:08.079 --> 00:25:11.680
I'm not that person anymore. So I create from the

407
00:25:11.720 --> 00:25:15.279
standpoint of what I want to experience well.

408
00:25:15.319 --> 00:25:18.960
And so you talked about your own marriage and the

409
00:25:19.000 --> 00:25:22.880
fact that it was not good, and you say that

410
00:25:22.960 --> 00:25:27.240
you really focus on helping women to improve those marriages,

411
00:25:27.559 --> 00:25:31.079
with or without the help of their husband. So what

412
00:25:31.359 --> 00:25:34.640
was your experience and how did you see a change

413
00:25:34.680 --> 00:25:37.839
take place? Because a marriage is two people, it's not

414
00:25:38.000 --> 00:25:40.480
just one. But how did you get to the point

415
00:25:40.480 --> 00:25:42.960
where because of what you did and what you were

416
00:25:43.000 --> 00:25:45.799
working on, that you started to see a change in

417
00:25:45.839 --> 00:25:48.480
that relationship and in your husband.

418
00:25:49.000 --> 00:25:51.599
Yeah, I started to practice a different version of them.

419
00:25:52.119 --> 00:25:54.839
I started to practice the version of them that I wanted,

420
00:25:56.160 --> 00:26:01.000
and he transformed. And it started with one little practice.

421
00:26:01.039 --> 00:26:03.599
I just started journaling what are the things I like

422
00:26:03.640 --> 00:26:06.200
about them? And when it first started there, it was

423
00:26:06.200 --> 00:26:10.799
a very short list because I hadn't been practicing that, right,

424
00:26:11.759 --> 00:26:15.279
short list. With that list started to grow when it

425
00:26:15.319 --> 00:26:19.440
became my daily practice, it started to get more detailed,

426
00:26:19.519 --> 00:26:21.680
and then it started to bring in emotion. And you

427
00:26:21.720 --> 00:26:25.559
know when emotion starts, it you embody the emotion. I

428
00:26:25.599 --> 00:26:29.240
started to practice the version of him that I met

429
00:26:29.279 --> 00:26:33.279
and fell in love with, and I practiced it and

430
00:26:33.359 --> 00:26:37.440
practiced it and practiced it until I saw it. So

431
00:26:37.839 --> 00:26:40.359
you know when Jesus talks about you're not going to

432
00:26:40.440 --> 00:26:45.319
be able to see something until you perceive something. Right,

433
00:26:45.480 --> 00:26:49.079
It's been muddled with all the different translations, but basically

434
00:26:50.319 --> 00:26:55.599
you don't pray with this energy of like, I know

435
00:26:55.720 --> 00:26:58.839
I don't deserve this thing, but please God, please give

436
00:26:58.920 --> 00:27:02.240
me this thing that is not prayer. Prayer was saying,

437
00:27:02.440 --> 00:27:05.200
thank you for that thing I already have, thank you,

438
00:27:05.519 --> 00:27:08.160
I already have it. It's mine, thank you, thank you.

439
00:27:08.440 --> 00:27:11.400
It is the embodiment. It's the knowing. It goes far

440
00:27:11.440 --> 00:27:15.359
beyond even belief. It's knowing it's yours. You know what

441
00:27:15.400 --> 00:27:18.240
I'm saying. And so I knew it was my when

442
00:27:18.240 --> 00:27:21.079
I started to understand how the mind worked, when I

443
00:27:21.079 --> 00:27:26.119
started to understand my own power. I then said, I've

444
00:27:26.119 --> 00:27:29.000
been practicing him the shit way. Ooh, sorry, if I

445
00:27:29.000 --> 00:27:32.880
had to, I've been practicing him the negative way. Why

446
00:27:32.960 --> 00:27:35.480
don't I try the positive way and see what happens?

447
00:27:36.079 --> 00:27:38.799
And when I did it, when I saw the momentum

448
00:27:38.839 --> 00:27:41.960
grow on that meaning my list started growing, and then

449
00:27:42.000 --> 00:27:44.759
he started getting nicer to me, and then he started

450
00:27:44.799 --> 00:27:47.680
doing things where I'm like, you do that in my

451
00:27:47.839 --> 00:27:51.799
dream and my you know, and my imagination for like

452
00:27:52.720 --> 00:27:55.200
a week, and then all of a sudden, he finally

453
00:27:55.240 --> 00:27:57.839
does it, and I just started playing with it. I

454
00:27:57.880 --> 00:28:00.799
started playing with my reality in that sort of a way.

455
00:28:01.200 --> 00:28:03.400
And when I saw how powerful I was, I was like,

456
00:28:04.559 --> 00:28:07.960
no one can convince me that I'm not powerful. No

457
00:28:08.000 --> 00:28:10.680
one can convince me that my mind can't create whatever

458
00:28:10.720 --> 00:28:13.079
it wants, because that's what I did.

459
00:28:15.200 --> 00:28:17.559
And what responsibility did your husband have.

460
00:28:19.440 --> 00:28:23.559
Nothing. I looked at him and I said, Babe, I

461
00:28:23.640 --> 00:28:26.759
realize I've had this all wrong. I thought you were

462
00:28:26.799 --> 00:28:30.400
my source to happiness. I thought you were the one

463
00:28:30.400 --> 00:28:32.920
that needed to make me happy, and I had it backwards.

464
00:28:32.960 --> 00:28:35.079
I realized that I needed to make me happy, that

465
00:28:35.079 --> 00:28:37.759
that was my job, that it was my job to

466
00:28:37.799 --> 00:28:41.839
do within me, and you're just a bonus. So you're

467
00:28:41.839 --> 00:28:46.480
forever off the hook for making me happy. And when

468
00:28:46.480 --> 00:28:52.519
I did that, and sometimes I have to remind myself

469
00:28:52.559 --> 00:28:57.440
that I do that because responsible. I'm not saying I'm

470
00:28:57.440 --> 00:28:59.839
not saying that some of those old patterns don't come up.

471
00:29:00.039 --> 00:29:02.559
What I am saying is that it was a realization,

472
00:29:02.599 --> 00:29:07.599
it was a switch within me that I had made

473
00:29:07.680 --> 00:29:11.799
him my source and that was backwards that I had

474
00:29:11.839 --> 00:29:14.000
to be the source of everything that I wanted, so

475
00:29:14.119 --> 00:29:20.920
I be who I want to be and he he

476
00:29:20.960 --> 00:29:23.839
gets to level up because of it, like lucky him,

477
00:29:24.400 --> 00:29:25.640
well and lucky guy.

478
00:29:26.359 --> 00:29:29.559
You know, you talk about that. But as you know,

479
00:29:29.880 --> 00:29:32.559
especially with those limiting beliefs, and we were talking a

480
00:29:32.559 --> 00:29:35.440
little bit about that, that we keep attracting, that people

481
00:29:35.519 --> 00:29:38.319
keep attracting the same thing over and over again, particularly

482
00:29:38.359 --> 00:29:43.599
they've been abused. What do you recommend and have you

483
00:29:43.640 --> 00:29:47.640
ever dealt with women who are in quote a codependent

484
00:29:48.599 --> 00:29:54.400
maybe abusive relationship And do you see if someone is

485
00:29:54.480 --> 00:30:00.480
abusive because of whatever reason their own epigenetics, you find

486
00:30:00.640 --> 00:30:04.319
that that also is solved or do you find sometimes

487
00:30:04.359 --> 00:30:07.720
you just have to say, all right, let's work on you,

488
00:30:07.920 --> 00:30:10.000
and at some point in time you may need to

489
00:30:10.039 --> 00:30:10.559
walk away.

490
00:30:11.480 --> 00:30:18.680
Exactly. Excuse me a few things. When I take on

491
00:30:18.720 --> 00:30:22.640
a client. First of all, if I see a lot

492
00:30:22.680 --> 00:30:27.400
of abuse, I'm like not playing this like you, she

493
00:30:27.640 --> 00:30:30.599
has to have a strong desire to change, Like I'm

494
00:30:30.640 --> 00:30:32.799
not saying I won't take her but she has to

495
00:30:32.839 --> 00:30:37.559
be like ready to go. That's number one. Number two

496
00:30:37.960 --> 00:30:42.480
is when one changes, both changes. We're if you think

497
00:30:42.519 --> 00:30:46.119
about the couple as a little universe, right, all your relationships,

498
00:30:46.519 --> 00:30:50.559
it's this non there's so many non physical aspects of

499
00:30:50.599 --> 00:30:52.759
that relationship. That's why you can look. I can look

500
00:30:52.759 --> 00:30:54.839
at my husband come in that door, and I know

501
00:30:54.920 --> 00:30:57.920
what kind of mood he's in. I just feel him

502
00:30:57.960 --> 00:31:01.799
like that. There's a universe in every relationship you were

503
00:31:01.880 --> 00:31:06.799
connected to that person. I have practiced this so long

504
00:31:06.880 --> 00:31:10.160
that I could look at someone in the same room

505
00:31:10.160 --> 00:31:13.400
and I know their personality because I can just read it.

506
00:31:13.559 --> 00:31:13.720
Right.

507
00:31:15.559 --> 00:31:21.519
We're all energetic. So when my universe changes, his has

508
00:31:21.559 --> 00:31:22.119
to change.

509
00:31:22.559 --> 00:31:22.839
Now.

510
00:31:24.000 --> 00:31:25.920
It doesn't mean that he's not going to resist it,

511
00:31:26.000 --> 00:31:28.960
and by resisting, he might not even be able to stand.

512
00:31:29.000 --> 00:31:30.519
In fact, this is what we went through when I

513
00:31:30.559 --> 00:31:33.160
went through my change. There were months where we were

514
00:31:33.200 --> 00:31:37.079
just not okay because he was wigging out. He's like,

515
00:31:37.200 --> 00:31:39.559
this is not our practice, this is what we do.

516
00:31:39.640 --> 00:31:41.920
We fight. Why aren't you arguing with me? He had

517
00:31:41.960 --> 00:31:45.039
no one to argue with. Doug, who wasn't going to

518
00:31:45.200 --> 00:31:47.640
argue with I wasn't even there. I wasn't the same

519
00:31:47.720 --> 00:31:51.799
person I will, that's right, And so here I be.

520
00:31:52.599 --> 00:31:54.559
And he was wigging out because he's like, what does

521
00:31:54.599 --> 00:31:55.359
this mean for us?

522
00:31:55.440 --> 00:31:56.240
Is this the ed like?

523
00:31:57.039 --> 00:32:00.119
And I'm like, this is just who I'd be, right,

524
00:32:00.160 --> 00:32:04.559
And so when one person is is the change the

525
00:32:04.640 --> 00:32:06.839
other person has to if they're going to be in

526
00:32:06.839 --> 00:32:10.400
their presence Now, sometimes they just can't. They're just so

527
00:32:10.880 --> 00:32:13.480
sometimes because a lot of the women that I attract

528
00:32:13.480 --> 00:32:16.519
our high supporters, and there has been our high controllers.

529
00:32:17.440 --> 00:32:20.599
What we're working on is to balance those energies because

530
00:32:20.799 --> 00:32:22.920
my goal is to get them equal. If I can't

531
00:32:22.920 --> 00:32:25.640
get them equal, it's not healthy. And sometimes she wants

532
00:32:25.680 --> 00:32:28.519
to stay down here in victim and which keeps him

533
00:32:28.599 --> 00:32:33.559
up here in the controlling, narcissistic behavior. And if she

534
00:32:33.599 --> 00:32:35.960
doesn't want to rise up, it ain't gonna work. And

535
00:32:36.000 --> 00:32:38.880
I tell her that because I'm the controller in my relationship,

536
00:32:38.960 --> 00:32:41.079
so I'm the one who's going to hold the space

537
00:32:41.119 --> 00:32:43.240
for her. But I'm like, sweetheart, we got to get

538
00:32:43.279 --> 00:32:45.799
you up here. If we can't get you up here, sweetheart,

539
00:32:46.000 --> 00:32:48.799
this ain't going to be saved. So I am not

540
00:32:48.920 --> 00:32:52.359
attached to her saving the relationship because if she rises

541
00:32:52.359 --> 00:32:56.880
as much as she can and he falls off. Like,

542
00:32:56.960 --> 00:32:59.960
I'm not attached to the marriage being saved. I'm attached

543
00:33:00.400 --> 00:33:04.400
to her being healed and in whatever that looks like

544
00:33:04.480 --> 00:33:07.680
in her life. I'm committed to that. So but my

545
00:33:08.599 --> 00:33:10.880
goal is to get her taking up all her space

546
00:33:10.920 --> 00:33:13.920
because then he will come down to meet her. We

547
00:33:14.039 --> 00:33:16.839
just got to get that balance going. Does that answer

548
00:33:16.880 --> 00:33:17.319
your question?

549
00:33:17.559 --> 00:33:21.000
Well? It does, And I think there has to be

550
00:33:21.079 --> 00:33:24.279
some point in time where he's also willing to do

551
00:33:24.359 --> 00:33:27.640
a little of that introspective work. Isn't that true? Or

552
00:33:28.400 --> 00:33:28.960
I mean my.

553
00:33:31.599 --> 00:33:34.960
Husband he is. He will do it on his own.

554
00:33:35.079 --> 00:33:36.759
Don't get me wrong. He's come a long way and

555
00:33:36.759 --> 00:33:40.880
done it on his own. Yes, But I really think

556
00:33:40.920 --> 00:33:45.200
this is an energetics thing because the narcissist is that way,

557
00:33:45.359 --> 00:33:50.240
because the narcissist and I will put myself in that

558
00:33:50.319 --> 00:33:53.240
category because of my husband and I. He's more of

559
00:33:53.240 --> 00:33:56.119
the supporter and I'm more of the controller. When the

560
00:33:56.200 --> 00:33:59.119
narcissist is loved in, that little kid in them is

561
00:33:59.240 --> 00:34:03.319
like okay, come here, it's okay, I got you. When

562
00:34:03.319 --> 00:34:11.159
they have that support, the narcissistic tendencies, the controlling tendencies

563
00:34:11.719 --> 00:34:17.119
soften so when she becomes that say, basically the supporter

564
00:34:17.920 --> 00:34:21.960
and the controller or the narcissist. They've just got the

565
00:34:22.000 --> 00:34:26.639
opposite triggers from their trauma, and when her traumas are soothed,

566
00:34:27.000 --> 00:34:29.519
she can then be in a soft spot to soothe

567
00:34:29.559 --> 00:34:33.440
his when they're going off. So I really do believe

568
00:34:36.239 --> 00:34:41.000
that he will be massively impacted by her work. I

569
00:34:41.039 --> 00:34:44.079
saw it within my family, Doug. I did the work.

570
00:34:44.360 --> 00:34:47.320
I healed myself, but I saw my husband change, and

571
00:34:47.360 --> 00:34:50.199
I saw all three of my daughters change because of

572
00:34:50.280 --> 00:34:53.760
my work. My girls didn't do it. He does it

573
00:34:53.880 --> 00:34:56.159
a little bit, you know, he's into it now, but

574
00:34:56.360 --> 00:34:58.840
he didn't do it initially. And I watched all of

575
00:34:58.880 --> 00:35:04.159
them change simply by me changing. So I think that

576
00:35:04.199 --> 00:35:07.199
it's the whole topic of you know, when we when

577
00:35:07.320 --> 00:35:11.320
one heals, we have this ripple effect on the entire world.

578
00:35:12.119 --> 00:35:13.280
Well do you believe that?

579
00:35:13.639 --> 00:35:15.639
Yeah? And as you talk about that, I know one

580
00:35:15.679 --> 00:35:18.079
thing that comes to my mind, and you've talked about

581
00:35:18.119 --> 00:35:22.679
this is forgiveness. And you know, it's one thing to say,

582
00:35:22.719 --> 00:35:26.639
all right, this is what he did, all right, and

583
00:35:26.679 --> 00:35:30.519
it's really difficult to forgive him. And yet at the

584
00:35:30.559 --> 00:35:32.840
same time, as you're saying, but no, it's just hen

585
00:35:33.000 --> 00:35:35.440
you know, pull up a mirror, because it's really all

586
00:35:35.480 --> 00:35:38.400
about you, it's nothing about him type of thing. How

587
00:35:38.440 --> 00:35:44.079
does an individual really learn and understand forgiveness because it

588
00:35:44.159 --> 00:35:46.519
doesn't that make a big difference in a relationship.

589
00:35:47.119 --> 00:35:51.360
Forgiveness is everything. It is the biggest topic we we

590
00:35:51.480 --> 00:35:55.840
probably talk about in my program. It is letting go

591
00:35:55.960 --> 00:35:58.880
of the negative past. Is all forgiveness is. Some people

592
00:35:58.920 --> 00:36:02.039
think it's much bigger than that. It is just letting

593
00:36:02.159 --> 00:36:05.760
go of the negative past. It's so simple. If I

594
00:36:05.760 --> 00:36:09.320
bring in the version of my husband from all the

595
00:36:09.400 --> 00:36:12.280
years we've been together, and I bring it all and say, hey,

596
00:36:12.519 --> 00:36:15.679
this is all the things I stored up about you.

597
00:36:15.679 --> 00:36:19.920
You got a lot of you know, shit to heal. Yeah,

598
00:36:19.960 --> 00:36:24.480
I know, I was writing for that word again, these

599
00:36:24.519 --> 00:36:26.400
are all the things you have to atone for. Here

600
00:36:26.440 --> 00:36:30.199
you go. If I do that on a daily basis,

601
00:36:30.599 --> 00:36:34.199
how am I supposed to have that dreamy, amazing relationship

602
00:36:34.320 --> 00:36:35.280
that I want?

603
00:36:36.000 --> 00:36:36.079
Like?

604
00:36:36.400 --> 00:36:38.880
No, And would I want him to do that to me?

605
00:36:39.719 --> 00:36:39.920
No?

606
00:36:40.800 --> 00:36:44.400
It's like it keeps it Unforgiveness keeps us in the

607
00:36:44.400 --> 00:36:48.679
toxic past, all the toxic, all the dirt, all the

608
00:36:48.760 --> 00:36:51.360
crap in the past. You're bringing now into the future

609
00:36:51.440 --> 00:36:54.920
because you refuse to forgive. Forgiveness is a gift to us.

610
00:36:55.320 --> 00:36:59.199
It is such a gift, and you will know that

611
00:36:59.280 --> 00:37:02.480
like people, you know, the most bitter people, they just

612
00:37:02.679 --> 00:37:06.679
refuse to forgive and they are just stuck as victims.

613
00:37:06.800 --> 00:37:10.840
It keeps you a victim. So yeah, like the way

614
00:37:10.880 --> 00:37:14.480
that I, you know, healed my marriage was by taking

615
00:37:15.719 --> 00:37:18.840
absolute one hundred percent responsibility.

616
00:37:20.000 --> 00:37:21.400
How do you forgive yourself?

617
00:37:22.039 --> 00:37:24.840
That's the key. You just make the choice to do.

618
00:37:24.840 --> 00:37:28.880
It, okay, and you just learn to forgive yourself.

619
00:37:29.000 --> 00:37:32.519
You just do it. Is like you don't try, you

620
00:37:32.559 --> 00:37:36.039
don't say, you just freaking do it. You say, I'm

621
00:37:36.079 --> 00:37:39.920
forgiving because I know it's for my best interest and

622
00:37:40.000 --> 00:37:41.960
for the best interests of the world. And I also

623
00:37:42.079 --> 00:37:44.960
know that unforgiveness is not serving me in any way,

624
00:37:44.960 --> 00:37:47.320
shape or form. You have to get to that place

625
00:37:47.400 --> 00:37:51.000
to know that that unforgiveness is not serving you well.

626
00:37:51.039 --> 00:37:53.960
And how do people I mean, I see this a

627
00:37:54.000 --> 00:37:58.199
lot where they struggle in their lives because they really

628
00:37:59.119 --> 00:38:04.480
can't forgive them selves. And it's amazing. I don't know,

629
00:38:04.639 --> 00:38:07.480
And maybe it has to do with they've been you know,

630
00:38:07.519 --> 00:38:09.000
as you say, you were brought up in a very

631
00:38:09.039 --> 00:38:14.320
religious home, as was I, and yet sometimes that that

632
00:38:14.519 --> 00:38:16.559
religion of that you need to do this, you need

633
00:38:16.599 --> 00:38:19.159
to do that gets to the point where that guilt

634
00:38:19.159 --> 00:38:23.400
and shame becomes so strong that it's very difficult for

635
00:38:23.480 --> 00:38:24.760
them to forgive themselves.

636
00:38:25.880 --> 00:38:29.760
It was very difficult for me. I'm not real lie it, yeah,

637
00:38:29.840 --> 00:38:32.559
because I believed that I was a horrible person. I

638
00:38:32.599 --> 00:38:33.480
hated myself.

639
00:38:35.480 --> 00:38:37.440
How did you do it?

640
00:38:37.760 --> 00:38:41.440
I made a decision. I just decided. So when you

641
00:38:41.480 --> 00:38:43.760
make a decision, un forgiveness is like this. Some people

642
00:38:43.800 --> 00:38:46.480
be like, well I thought I forgave. It's like, but

643
00:38:46.599 --> 00:38:49.400
every time that a negative memory comes up, what are

644
00:38:49.400 --> 00:38:52.000
you doing with the thought? Are you grabbing hold of it?

645
00:38:52.039 --> 00:38:54.480
Are you taking it captive and saying, yeah, I'm not

646
00:38:54.559 --> 00:38:57.440
just believing, I'm not believing this shit anymore. Sorry, that's

647
00:38:57.440 --> 00:39:01.280
the third bomb I throw. You obviously have a problem.

648
00:39:01.840 --> 00:39:04.719
But you grab a hold of the memory. Because we

649
00:39:04.880 --> 00:39:07.960
think in pictures, right or subconscious mind thinks in pictures,

650
00:39:08.000 --> 00:39:12.559
It experiences in pictures, it creates through pictures. So the

651
00:39:12.599 --> 00:39:14.840
picture comes up, oh remember that time you did that?

652
00:39:15.840 --> 00:39:17.840
You grab a hold of it. You say, no, I

653
00:39:17.920 --> 00:39:22.920
forgave that. I choose to forgive myself. And you picture

654
00:39:22.960 --> 00:39:25.639
it in a trash can, picture throwing it in a toilet.

655
00:39:25.719 --> 00:39:28.199
You just literally pick it up and you throw it away,

656
00:39:28.199 --> 00:39:32.800
and you say, nope, you have to decide. Everything starts

657
00:39:32.840 --> 00:39:33.559
with the decision.

658
00:39:34.840 --> 00:39:37.679
Well, and you know, you have been so transparent about

659
00:39:37.840 --> 00:39:42.199
your own life, which I think is amazing. That's difficult sometimes.

660
00:39:42.599 --> 00:39:46.599
Any other any other quick stories about that come to

661
00:39:46.679 --> 00:39:49.119
your mind that you have permission to talk about that,

662
00:39:50.119 --> 00:39:54.519
Where you have seen someone transition from potentially a divorce

663
00:39:54.679 --> 00:39:56.519
to a very happy relationship.

664
00:39:58.719 --> 00:40:05.440
Yes, I've seen lots. Yeah, I've seen lots. I've seen

665
00:40:05.519 --> 00:40:11.199
people who've gone through infidelity who just could not get

666
00:40:11.280 --> 00:40:16.159
past the infidelity, and then you know, three five years later,

667
00:40:16.199 --> 00:40:19.239
they're the happiest that they ever been because that infidelity

668
00:40:19.280 --> 00:40:23.000
caused them to go back and really look at their

669
00:40:24.119 --> 00:40:26.280
You know what, I have a really good story.

670
00:40:26.599 --> 00:40:27.639
Okay, So.

671
00:40:30.239 --> 00:40:36.119
A beautiful woman like she had a really long relationship

672
00:40:36.800 --> 00:40:44.840
and he struggled with substance abuse, but she just held

673
00:40:44.880 --> 00:40:47.039
tight to him like she did not want to let go,

674
00:40:47.559 --> 00:40:50.119
and they went through I believe it was like twenty

675
00:40:50.239 --> 00:40:54.320
years of a relationship, just holding on to this belief.

676
00:40:54.360 --> 00:40:57.679
And then they finally get married and hit some real

677
00:40:57.719 --> 00:41:02.280
bad turbulence and they didn't have kids. They were a

678
00:41:02.320 --> 00:41:09.360
little bit older, and I started working with her. Their

679
00:41:10.000 --> 00:41:17.039
relationship transformed so fast. And then and then through her

680
00:41:17.840 --> 00:41:20.920
through our work together, she had realized that she had

681
00:41:20.920 --> 00:41:24.960
been so scared of having kids. She got pregnant right away.

682
00:41:25.199 --> 00:41:28.039
We had one session. She got pregnant, like I swear,

683
00:41:28.280 --> 00:41:32.440
within a week of the session, and they now have

684
00:41:32.519 --> 00:41:36.960
a new baby. They are so happy, like they are

685
00:41:37.119 --> 00:41:39.840
like she's just an all star because she did all

686
00:41:39.880 --> 00:41:43.760
of her homework. Just so beautiful. But I have lots

687
00:41:43.800 --> 00:41:47.199
of those stories. I have lots of those stories, and

688
00:41:47.280 --> 00:41:47.920
it can be done.

689
00:41:48.000 --> 00:41:50.400
And I think that's the key message for the audience

690
00:41:50.599 --> 00:41:55.159
is that if if you're willing to do it, and

691
00:41:55.440 --> 00:41:58.440
you're not in one of those situations where the other

692
00:41:58.480 --> 00:42:02.199
person's never going to change, then you literally can heal

693
00:42:02.280 --> 00:42:04.519
that relationship. Yeah.

694
00:42:04.920 --> 00:42:10.039
Oh, I believe that. I believe that anything's possible. Anything's possible.

695
00:42:10.639 --> 00:42:13.880
So as we come to a close, because this has

696
00:42:13.960 --> 00:42:17.800
gone by so fast, what would be a message that

697
00:42:17.880 --> 00:42:19.840
you'd like to share with the audience.

698
00:42:21.360 --> 00:42:26.760
Don't ever settle for who you are now, always reach

699
00:42:26.840 --> 00:42:31.000
for that next level of yourself because no, there's no

700
00:42:32.599 --> 00:42:35.039
limit to who you can be and what you can have.

701
00:42:35.800 --> 00:42:38.400
And I think that people have just been living within

702
00:42:38.440 --> 00:42:41.880
their limitations and they don't see the potential. You have

703
00:42:41.960 --> 00:42:44.840
the potential to grab a hold of whatever it is.

704
00:42:45.199 --> 00:42:51.280
No relationship is lost, no relationship is like trash. I

705
00:42:51.360 --> 00:42:55.719
believe that it is possible for you to heal any relationship,

706
00:42:55.880 --> 00:42:58.760
even if that relationship does not look the same moving

707
00:42:58.800 --> 00:43:01.760
forward and you guys stay together, but it means you

708
00:43:01.840 --> 00:43:06.039
have the ability to move forward and create that relationship

709
00:43:06.119 --> 00:43:08.360
that is what you really truly want.

710
00:43:09.480 --> 00:43:12.400
Oh, thank you. And the key is is you heal yourself.

711
00:43:12.519 --> 00:43:15.760
So if you have to move away from that relationship, now,

712
00:43:15.800 --> 00:43:19.800
you're going to attract a different relationship. Is that true?

713
00:43:20.159 --> 00:43:22.320
Yeah, And you're going to move away with love though

714
00:43:22.920 --> 00:43:24.280
you're going to send them away.

715
00:43:24.000 --> 00:43:27.920
With love, yes, because you're right. I mean, I can't

716
00:43:27.960 --> 00:43:30.320
tell you how many times I've heard people talk about, Oh,

717
00:43:30.360 --> 00:43:32.480
what a bad relate and they go on and on

718
00:43:32.760 --> 00:43:37.480
and on about that partner, that ex husband or ex

719
00:43:37.519 --> 00:43:41.480
wife and they've never really let it go. Yeah, and

720
00:43:41.559 --> 00:43:43.159
so they keep attracting the same thing.

721
00:43:43.760 --> 00:43:49.800
Yep, I've had terrible I've had terrible relationships, but now

722
00:43:49.840 --> 00:43:52.440
I see them through a different perspective. I think all

723
00:43:52.480 --> 00:43:58.079
my traumas has has served me so well, like I

724
00:43:58.119 --> 00:44:01.320
would never regret any of it is been the greatest

725
00:44:01.360 --> 00:44:03.280
gift to my life well.

726
00:44:03.320 --> 00:44:05.320
And I think you've hit on the key is as

727
00:44:05.360 --> 00:44:08.920
you look back at all of those quote failed relationships,

728
00:44:09.400 --> 00:44:11.639
if you approach it from the standpoint of what did

729
00:44:11.679 --> 00:44:14.880
I learn and what did I learn about myself? And

730
00:44:14.920 --> 00:44:17.280
what did I learn about my choices and so forth,

731
00:44:18.880 --> 00:44:20.599
as you look at that, all of a sudden, it

732
00:44:20.639 --> 00:44:24.920
becomes a learning and you don't have that upsetness and

733
00:44:24.960 --> 00:44:30.760
that anger that so often people experience. So how do

734
00:44:30.840 --> 00:44:33.800
people find you? I mean, how do people find you?

735
00:44:34.440 --> 00:44:34.800
How do they?

736
00:44:34.880 --> 00:44:39.320
I mean, I'm on all the platforms I own. I'd

737
00:44:39.320 --> 00:44:44.199
say Instagram and Facebook are probably my biggest communities. But

738
00:44:44.239 --> 00:44:46.599
I could also give you a link to I have

739
00:44:46.639 --> 00:44:50.599
a little mini course that's on my link tree, which

740
00:44:50.639 --> 00:44:52.800
is usually my free gift I give at a at

741
00:44:52.840 --> 00:44:57.239
a podcast. It's basically a mini course how to heal

742
00:44:57.239 --> 00:45:01.000
your marriage. You know, it's it's it's not very long,

743
00:45:01.039 --> 00:45:04.159
so people like that. It's nice and short, but it

744
00:45:04.199 --> 00:45:07.000
will also give you the ability to reach out to me.

745
00:45:08.119 --> 00:45:11.679
If you find yourself in a relationship where you know,

746
00:45:12.119 --> 00:45:13.679
you don't know if you want to heal it, you

747
00:45:13.679 --> 00:45:16.480
don't want to know, if you want to leave, I say,

748
00:45:16.519 --> 00:45:20.280
at least give it a conversation with me before you

749
00:45:20.320 --> 00:45:23.400
call it quits, because remember, you're taking yourself wherever you go.

750
00:45:23.679 --> 00:45:26.199
So, okay, what's the link? What is that link?

751
00:45:27.840 --> 00:45:28.639
I will give it to you.

752
00:45:29.400 --> 00:45:30.239
I don't know it.

753
00:45:31.079 --> 00:45:32.639
I don't know by heart doctor.

754
00:45:32.920 --> 00:45:35.079
Okay, if you can email that to me, I'll put

755
00:45:35.119 --> 00:45:37.840
that into the description. And I know you have your

756
00:45:37.960 --> 00:45:42.119
reclaim your you aremarriage dot com. But that's not the

757
00:45:42.639 --> 00:45:43.519
that's not the link.

758
00:45:43.880 --> 00:45:46.119
It would be on that link. I think I am

759
00:45:46.119 --> 00:45:50.480
not a tech ye girl. I am so tech dummy

760
00:45:50.519 --> 00:45:52.320
that I think it's on there.

761
00:45:54.239 --> 00:45:57.079
Okay, now that's a limiting belief. You've got to work

762
00:45:57.119 --> 00:45:57.400
on that.

763
00:45:58.760 --> 00:46:02.239
You found it. You've found one of my core limiting beliefs.

764
00:46:03.039 --> 00:46:07.280
Yep, kah, thanks so much. This has been great. I

765
00:46:07.360 --> 00:46:11.639
really appreciate it, and I really appreciate your transparency because

766
00:46:12.400 --> 00:46:16.159
when people hear that all of a sudden, it allows

767
00:46:16.199 --> 00:46:19.079
them to realize, you know what, if she can do it,

768
00:46:20.079 --> 00:46:21.320
I can do it. Yeah.

769
00:46:22.639 --> 00:46:27.079
It releases the shame too, Doug. Shame is like all

770
00:46:27.119 --> 00:46:29.960
the secrets, you know. That's what I learned in my family.

771
00:46:29.960 --> 00:46:31.639
It was all the secrets I didn't know my dad

772
00:46:31.639 --> 00:46:34.400
had aides. It was one of those secrets we don't tell.

773
00:46:35.000 --> 00:46:37.360
And secrets keep us in the dark, and they keep

774
00:46:37.480 --> 00:46:39.920
they keep us in shame. And so I just let

775
00:46:39.960 --> 00:46:44.119
it all hang out. And I think that everyone, if

776
00:46:44.159 --> 00:46:47.039
everyone got to be more in that place where they

777
00:46:47.119 --> 00:46:51.800
just refuse to see themselves as you know, shameful. It's like,

778
00:46:52.119 --> 00:46:55.599
embrace all of you. Embrace every single aspect of who

779
00:46:55.639 --> 00:46:59.400
you are and what you've lived, because that is beautiful.

780
00:46:59.400 --> 00:47:01.360
That's what you can here to do. You didn't come

781
00:47:01.360 --> 00:47:03.559
here to get it all right, and you know, walk

782
00:47:03.599 --> 00:47:05.719
in a straight line and do everything that you know

783
00:47:05.800 --> 00:47:09.079
you're supposed to do. You came here to expand and

784
00:47:09.159 --> 00:47:13.519
grow and become more and make a lot of mistakes.

785
00:47:13.559 --> 00:47:17.000
Mistakes. Amen, Well, damn me. Thanks so much. This has

786
00:47:17.039 --> 00:47:23.079
been great. Thanks for listening. I hope you really enjoyed

787
00:47:23.119 --> 00:47:24.760
this and we look forward to having you join us

788
00:47:24.800 --> 00:47:28.079
again soon. This is doctor Dex saying no mistake,