An Unimportant Girl

0:01 This program is designed to provide general information with regards to the subject matters covered. This information is given with the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial, legal counseling, professional service, or any advice. You should seek the services of competent professionals before applying or trying any suggested ideas. At the end of the day, it's not about what you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up, who you've made better. It's about what you've given back. Denzel Washington, welcome to inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you to do the same. Vivian Tonabel, how are you doing today? I'm doing just great. Thank you for having me.

1:00 Well, it's wonderful to have you on the show. It sounds like you have a wonderful story. I would love for you to share with the audience a little bit about your background and how you came to this point in your life and the reason that you're coming on podcasts and wanting to share your story. Yeah, I had definitely many strikes against me. I was born at the height of World War Two in Berlin, the epicenter of Nazi Germany, so it was pretty I had a very tough beginning. I was deemed stateless because I'm an illegitimate child, and therefore I was not given nationality, and so that was the first strike. I belonged to an no country.

1:52 And then the aftermath was very tough. You know, cold and hunger was a constant. It was a struggle, especially for a single mom with two young daughters to make ends meet. So my mother she worked in the black market, striking deals just to get food on the table. So it was one great, big struggle. And then at age six, I entered school and wanted to do so well, but I had a rude awakening in a sense that I could not follow the concepts of the teacher. And so by the end of that school year, I was condemned dumb to my mother by my teacher. So that was a second strike, and that resulted in low self esteem. And then we immigrated. The story also of immigration, you know, many German immigrants went to Canada or the United states to seek a better life, and so did we at when I was thirteen, and I it was very hard there too, the beginning. We had to overcome many hurdles, but I somehow managed to build a new life for myself, just walking that long path to self discovery and self fulfillment and go ahead. Yeah.

3:23 And then at the age twenty I met my husband, also another German immigrant, and he had believed in me, and he encouraged me to learn and grow, and so I developed and we had a life of success. But you know, success never is there's always a challenge. It is life changes. So at the age of seventy, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and that's when I became deeply spiritual. Studied the wisdom of the great minds, the philosophers, the great thinkers, and they helped me make sense of the world and showed me the way. And so I studied their wisdom for many years. And at age seventy six, I published my first book, and that was my life story. It was called from Rubble to Champagne, Rising from the Ashes of War tone Berlin through Life of Grace, beauty and Gratitude. So I and this book was quite successful. It was turned into a documentary film which is out now on Amazon Prime. It's a full length documentary about my life. And after that, I published my second book, which was called A Lessons Learned about Life and love, living with intention and

4:56 the wisdom of great minds. And now I turned eighty. Up in cancer free for ten years and I turned eighty and I feel like life is becoming more and more fascinating as I age. And I wrote my third book which was just released, The Art of Aging, The Beauty, Richness and Possibilities Wonderful. And in your buier you talk about the fact that you really got to the point of committing suicide and then a miraculous intervention came about that helped you to preserve your life. Could you share it with the audience a little bit about that. Yes, yes, I went to night school, you know, after first I had gone through sexual abuse at my first job, which was at the age of fourteen, where I had to leave because of that. Then I worked at a five Intentions to a Woolworth behind the lunch counter, and I actually enjoyed it because I was I always like to please and serve and do some you know, made sandwiches with care at heart.

6:05 And but I did realize, you know, in order to improve my station in life, I would have to learn more. So I entered night school, and I learned how to type and stenography. And so I landed this job at Volkswagen Sales and Service, that iconic car dealership, you know. And there I worked up in the accounting department. It was one big room with many desks, and the people I worked with were more than twice my age. There was no camaraderie, no connection, and aspired into deep depression at the age of seventeen. And this is I had already purchased a small used car, and I had rented the duplex. And I heard somewhere when you close the garage door, start the motor, carbon monoxide would render you unconscious and you drift to your ultimate end. That's exactly what I did.

7:04 I closed the marsh door, started the motor. I don't know how long I had the motor going, must not have been long. And a little girl, all of a sudden appeared in front of me. She must have been around six six years old or so. She asked me, what are you doing? And I immediately shut off the motor opened the glass door and I told her weekly I'm going to wash my car, and she skipped off blisfully unaware that she just saved my life. So that was a miraculous intervention. And I thought later on where did she come from? She must have come through a side door that I was not aware of. It was not meant to be. So I clung to a glimmer of hope and went back to my life. What else could I do at seventeen? You do?

7:53 You don't understand that life is not static. It changes. And I want young people to know that whenever someone feels depressed or gets sucked into a hole as deep as I died, where you actually want to commit suicide, you have to cling to hope and believe that life changes even if we don't want it to. It is not static. It changes. Better is coming, you know? That is my message to young people. Yes, and I love that because so many times people live in the here and now, and particularly are young people, and the reality is as you said, and I think this is just wonderful that you share this message that here you are ready to commit suicide, and miraculous thing happens. You stop and now look at your life and what you've been able to accomplish. Life changes and that message to young people, I think is so important, and even to older people who are experiencing the same type of thing. Let's talk about your second book again. Would you let the audience know again, what was the name of that second book you wrote? That is called Lessons Learned about Life and Love, Living with intention and the wisdom of great minds. You can see I've become a student of life. You know. I had so many experiences that were harsh and I think they made their mark on me. And I've learned in that process and I want to share this with other people and let them

9:26 know things get better and to look for the good even in adverse situation and you will find it. Well, and let's talk about that. In your opinion, what does it mean to live with intention? Well, you have to be first of all, reinforce your belief in the preciousness of life. This is what I did, and set and set goals for your life. You know, live in the moment, but have a vision of where you want to go. That is what I would say. And purpose is so important. We need purpose in our life, you know it has to be you know, in work it's doing something significant, but in love, it's caring for someone. The purpose gives life meaning. And it's also the power of resilience, the power of resilience. Resilience, Yeah, you become resilient.

10:33 You become resilient when you go through tough times. We must not complain and say, oh, you know, be the victim. That would be wrong. Just ask yourself, what have I learned from this? You know, what, what have I learned from this? And also every challenge we face, it brings us to a higher level of awareness and appreciation. So there's something good and the challenges. Yeah, and you mentioned something interesting and that has to do with gratitude. And as you're talking about this, and you know, it's fascinating because we all go through different types of experiences in our lives. And as you experienced, there was a point in time where you were ready to commit suicide and then even after that you striggle a great deal. But hear what you're saying now is as you look at those experiences and then somehow find a way to express gratitude, discover what was positive about that experience? How did it change your life for the good and express gratitude.

11:43 That makes a huge difference in being able to continue to move forward and start to move past those experiences that could ultimately affect you negatively, but with gratitude, they affect you positively. Is that basically what you're saying. That's exactly what I say. I believe that gratitude is the cornerstone to building a life of happiness. You know, this significant insight. Really it makes me think, you know, and look at the brief span of time that is my life, our life. It's really a brief span of time when you when you look at the realm of things. I look at that brief span of time and then I am grateful for all I am and all that have experienced. Gratitude is so important. It leads to happiness absolutely. So you mentioned also that with that book you talk about the great minds that you've met.

12:50 Can you share a little bit about that, and you know, who are some of these people that you met, and what are some of the things that you learned from vision that you refer to as great minds. I think I think all I've learned is from the great minds. Really, that that all the wisdom that I have is from the great minds like Victor Franket, for instance, was one of the beautiful person who was in the concentration camp, you know where where he lost his wife. And I mean it was just terrible, and yet he had showed strengths and he always believed in purpose. You know, life has to have meaning, even if we even what his words were, even if you uh in in the adversity, you know, like we can deal with adversity as long as it has meaning.

13:48 You know, it has to have meaning. And so to find meaning in life is so very important. And also then then other like once Dwayne Dayer is a beautiful a man. He's passed away. Now. I've never met him, but read many of his books. And I remember the first book I read from him, that was I have always been a secret in the searcher. Really, I've always tried to understand more than the average young person. I was always a secret and a searcher. And I bought that book. It must have been, oh, let's say, about maybe forty years ago something like that. It was called pulling your Own Strings. How he mentions that, you know, we need to be we need to know that we can make it even if we are left behind we are alone. For instance, in every love song it says, oh, I will die if I lose you. We must not make us dependent. We need to be we need to believe that even if we lose it first, we still can go on, you know, because I'm right now with faced with another challenge.

15:07 My husband is greatly ill, and he is the love of my life, and to the thought of losing him is just it's just very, very hard. And yet I've come to that strength that I know I can go on, you know. And I think that's very important too. Oh that's wonderful, yes, And you know it's interesting. So often people don't really spend a lot of time reading and researching those types of things, and I think the key to a very healthy and happy life really is important to be able to have that curiosity to read others and read some of these people, as you say, who have been espoused as great minds, who have written wonderful books. Now, even with you, I mean, with your years of experience, you have written this book. And I would guess that if someone reads that book, they're going to gain insights into their life. It's going to make a difference and as you talk about doctor Frankel and when Dyer, these are great men that wrote, you know, some incredible books and the wisdom that they share is so important. And so I think for the audience, particularly those right now that may be struggling with some depression or anxiety or just feeling liking in life isn't really what I want it to be.

16:34 Being able to make the choice to actually find some of those books and start to read some of those uplifting books that will give them ideas and philosophies that can help them to literally change their life. I think that is qu is such a Yeah, that's what you did, and I think it works. It really it works because they also polls, you know, poetry instills values, gets us values and the wisdom of the great minds they show us the way. If it's not enough to just read about it apply their wisdom, you know, just to read about it and knowing is not enough. We need to apply it our in our own life experiences. And that's what I do. And believe me, it works, It works, and I believe it. I mean, I think you are you are a prime example of how that's working. I mean, as I think about your story. Here you were growing up in Germany with a single mom, and then going to Canada and still struggling and almost committing suicide, and then all of a sudden, as you move forward in your life, here you are now almost eighty, you say, and you're eighty years old, You've written three books, You've had a wonderful marriage, and have been involved in a very successful business

18:10 with your husband. What a story of how someone can take a life of struggle and literally make a choice, and there are consequences to every choice, the consequences for you to make the choice to not commit suicide and to move forward with your life has created this amazing life for you of being an author and having a wonderful relationship and experiencing happiness, and also being in the mental state at this point in time where as you're struggling and recognizing that you're going to ultimately lose that love of your life, you still can move forward and experience happiness and gratitude in your life. To me, that is just a wonderful example. Really, when you have that feeling, and I do have that feeling, I see my days evolving really well every day, and I believe that there's a great power also in not allowing any unloving thoughts to emanate from your mind. You know, just just think loving thoughts. I think love is so powerful, and what I mean especially unconditional love, loving without an object, you know, no expectations, no judgment, and no moralizing.

19:42 That is a beautiful kind of love. And it is also often misunderstood or dilutes many people because they see love only as a sentiment and affection. But what it really is experiencing the harmon means of life. Yes, yes, that is so true, beautiful thing. And so if you can have that, and if you if you get angry and you have had hostility or a difference within you, you know that will affect you, That infects that, that infects your body and your mind, and it will not bring anything good into your life. Loving thoughts is what you want to want to play, the right thoughts, and they should be loving thoughts. I believe in that very strongly well, and I love that. And when you combine loving thoughts and kindness and gratitude in your lives, and then a curiosity to experience more and understand what other people have experienced, that can give you wisdom and as you say, if one is willing to actually apply that wisdom in their own life, it can really make a difference in their life and all the difference. And I also want to stress stress the importance of being positive.

21:07 You know, be positive when things are not going well, surely you know, don't just see what's not going well. Look for that tiny crumb of good. That's what I always do, even even when things are in adversity. You will find a little tiny crumb of good and build on that and pretty soon your pile of good will go. That is and being optimistic, you know, it's so important positivity and optimism that cheers you on in everything we do in life. And that is so true. One wonderful example and the story of your life that you're willing to share with people. And I guarantee you that as people read your books and listen to this podcast another podcast that you're doing, you're going to touch someone and it's going to make a difference in their life for not only that moment, but for the future.

22:10 And I want to just commend you for being willing to share your experiences. It's not easy to be that vulnerable to be telling you that you just said it. When I wrote my first book, My Life Story, I just put it all on paper, and I said to myself, you know, this is even though I moved around in higher circles and i live a life of luxury, but I've never forgotten where I came from. And it was so important for me to always stay grounded, you know, to stay grounded no matter how successful you become, and give back, you know, give back, and that's what I'm doing with my books. And also I wanted to mention you know, my life's story is actually on film. There's a documentary film that was made of this first book, and it is now available on Amazon Prime where you can see my whole life story as I talk and and go through that whole life. It's quite interesting. And and again the name of the film on Amazon Prime as well, it's it's not like the book. It's it's it's it's my life story, which was called from Robert to Champagne. But the film is called an Unimportant Girl. Okay, so the film is called an Unimportant Girl. I'm you know, I'm going to get on Amazon Prime and watch that because I think that's so essential. I

23:45 think it was it I hope it develops empathy because there's a lot of there's a lot of humanity depicted in the film, you know, So I I think it's good for young people as well. And it's historical, you know, it's a lot about the history how Bilin was divided and then we were closed off and we had no food and the Americans launched a year long yearlift in nineteen forty eight and dropped surprise on our city. You know, all those things, it's all depicted in the film. Well, and that's wonderful. So Vivian, thank you so much for being on the show. The insights that you have shared, and the willingness to be vulnerable and to share.

24:33 Also the name of this movie that we can watch, I think is just amazing. So I appreciate so much that you've been on the show and thank you for having me. And it was a privilege to be in conversation with you. Yes, and folks, I hope you'll listen to the show and recognize that life changes, and if you're experiencing some negativity right now, recognize that life can change. And it's just really important to develop that gratitude, to develop that curiosity and to develop the ability to make those changes as you seek other people to give you better ideas about how you can live your life. So thanks for being on the show, and folks, thanks for listening. Look forward to having you join us again soon