March 19, 2026

From Outward Success to Inner Fulfillment: A Conversation with Ben Robins

From Outward Success to Inner Fulfillment: A Conversation with Ben Robins
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Dr. Doug and coach Ben Robins explore why outward success often feels empty and how to realign life around what truly matters. They discuss ego, subconscious stories, executive burnout, retirement drift, boundaries, giving back, and finding peace, joy, and freedom in everyday life.

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WEBVTT

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This program is designed to provide general information with regards

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to the subject matters covered. This information is given with

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the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station

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are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,

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legal counseling, professional service, or any advice.

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You should seek the services.

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Of competent professionals before applying or trying any suggested ideas.

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At the end of the day, it's not about what

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you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what

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you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up,

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who you've made better. It's about what you've given back.

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Denzel Washington, welcome to inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is

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to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you

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to do the same.

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Ben welcome, Thanks for having me.

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Donnie Strikes and be here.

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Hey, I'm looking forward to it. Let the audience know

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where you are right now. I know you're a world traveler, so.

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Yeah, like you, I'm out of my home country. I'm

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currently in Sri Lanka for the next couple of months.

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Oh that's fantastic. You know what I find is really

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interesting is you know, as I've read some things about

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you and what you're doing, I find it really fascinating

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that you were very much into business, and I know

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you still work very much with people in business. But

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what is your story that brought you to the point

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of moving into this direction where you're really now helping people,

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mentoring people, coaching people in their business as well as

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their lives.

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Yeah for me, Yeah, thanks Doug, It's it's been a

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wild ride, really, I think for me, as you said,

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my background is very much in business. I spent many

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years or over a decade climbing now what you would say,

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corporate lab building up the business with someone else, which

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culminated in the kind of last step me leading me

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for kind of a global consultancy, fast growing consultancy, double

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digit millions under management, all of these sorts of things

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that have the trappings of.

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Success right.

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And to everyone on the outside, it looked fantastic, living

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in the best part of town, doing all of the

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things that you would want to be doing at my

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sort of age, But it just didn't feel like my

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version of success. It felt like someone else's, whether that

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was my parents or my mentors or societies, and so

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it felt quite hollow, and that led me to realize

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that there's plenty of other people that have led the

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same live as me, that have led the traditional path,

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succeeding in every metric that you can imagine, but it

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wasn't for them, or it isn't for them, And so

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I help now people redefine their version of winning, whether

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that means applying the great success that they've had in

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their career and helping them reinvigorate marriages, or reconnect with

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their kids, or maybe get back into health and live

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a ten.

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Out of ten life on their terms.

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But for them and for me, it's really about understanding

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what they want now and how they can go about

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getting it.

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So did you make a major change? Did you move

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away from all you were doing and doing this now

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as a new whole environment.

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Yes, it was quite a drastic one for me. I

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make it very clear that nobody else needs.

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To follow in my footstep, but yes it was.

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It was a case of saying, okay, this was a

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fantastic chapter in my life. It taught me a tremendous

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amount and I'm incredibly Brett grateful for having the opportunity

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to do it.

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But when I took a step back.

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It was actually one of my colleagues that asked me

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what was it about work that you really enjoy? And

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I answered, well, it's about the team. The team that

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I have, I want them to go on and become

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vps and fulfill.

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The life that they want. And it made me think, actually.

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Okay, well if I do this with twenty twenty five

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people at the moment, could I not do this continually

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with more people?

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If I had a coaching practice in this sort And

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so that's what I've begun to do, and that's what

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I'm doing right.

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Now, is coaching people that have achieved great outward success

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try and live that inward success that they've really been

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looking for and also extend that to different areas of

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their life as well.

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Well.

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And as you say, you know, making that major change

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can be really tough. Yeah, I went through that, believe me.

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And so and yet for how successful have you being

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able to help people make that change and still maintain

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where they're at in their professions and their work whatever

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that happens to be versus scenes many of them decide

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that you know what, this really isn't for me. I

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need to make a change. What have you found. Is

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the percentage one way or the other.

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I would say the vast majority, eighty ninety percent stay

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in what they're doing right. I think often people come

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to me because they think that they would like to

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make a drastic change.

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Like I have done, but they don't know exactly how

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to do it.

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But very often what that signals is they haven't been

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incredibly intentional about their life. And so they tell me

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very often that their wife is their number one priority,

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or their family or whatever it might be, but they're

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not living in accordance to that. So once we get

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very clear on what is important to them and that

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they're not living in that way, then it's about repositioning

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their lives so that it does make a lot more sense,

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so that they can reposition work in a sense that

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makes sense. Might be cutting out meaningless meetings or repositioning

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the way that they sharp at work, or things like that.

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But yeah, the vast.

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Majority of people live their version of a ten out

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of ten life by retaining the career that they've built,

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and in many ways do far better in their career

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because they position themselves as better experts and can lead

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more clearly in all of those sorts of things than

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they came to and then yes, it's a very small

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percentage that then say, Okay, I've done all of these things,

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I still want to leave, and then we look at

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what that is and how they can build a career

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outside of what they're existingly doing.

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Okay, so as you work with quote executives, how applicable

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is the information we're going to talk about today, How

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applicable is it to that medium worker that's just trying to,

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you know, support his family and yet he's not really

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finding that happiness. Does it apply all the way up

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and down? Or what are your thoughts on that? Yeah?

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I think honestly, if you were to distill what I

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do down to one word, it would be intentionality, right,

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being very very intentional about the life.

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That you live.

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I actually tell my clients quite often that the weirder

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your life looks to everybody else, probably the truer of

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that life is to you. And so, yes, it doesn't

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matter at what stage in your career you're at.

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As long as you are defining your life around what

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is important to you and you're sticking true to that,

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then you can make it. Yeah, you can make it

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your version of your best life. You can make it

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your version of winning.

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It's just obviously with executives, I have that extra Okay,

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I've been there, I've done that.

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I can articulate the journey and.

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The pain that you're going through in a slightly different way,

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and so that's where I tend to focus my energies.

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But yes, of course it applies to everyone.

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So you made a couple of comments someone, I'm going

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to really focus on Number one. Here, they are working,

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whatever profession they're in, they're working and they're being successful,

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but they're not really happy as you're at least finding

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that satisfaction as you talked about. And yet oftentimes we're

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told that. I mean, I grew up in a family

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where the five boys were told by my dad, you

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are going to be successful, you are going to be professionals,

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on and on and on, and so that's where we went,

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and I think so many people have been brought up

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you know that, you know, get your education, be successful.

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If you don't get an education, just get yourself a

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good job. And then you hit the other point where

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they're doing that and they're not really finding that satisfaction

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in that piece. But then you mentioned that here's somebody

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else that says, yeah, the most important thing to me

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is my family, my children, all of this, when in

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reality they're not really living that. Yes, So how do

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you help people? I kind of call it the imposter syndrome.

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I know there's a different definition from that, but I

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kind of call it, like, you know what, we're not

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living our true life, we're living someone else's someone. We're

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living what someone else told us we need to do.

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And even as you say, we need to be close

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to our family, we need to do this, we need

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to love our wives or our spouses or our partners,

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whatever that is. And yet, as you said, they're not

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really doing it. So how do we get past this

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is what you should do and help someone to reach

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a point of becoming who you truly are, being true

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to your personal individual values that are innate within you.

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Yeah, look, and I completely get it, Doug, Like, obviously

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that's what I did as well. I lived society's version

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of success, the shoulds that we go through. And yeah, look, obviously,

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being in Schlanka, I see the importance of education as well.

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You very often in the West, in North America and England,

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whatever we say our education isn't so important anymore. Everybody

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just goes out and starts our business and things like that.

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Being in places like this, you realize that actually education

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is fundamentally important because it separates people. It gives you

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the opportunity to succeed and think differently than others. Right, So,

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I'm not here to bash the traditional path. I'm not

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here to necessarily say to move away from it if

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that makes sense for you. Right again, if you want

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to become a VP or a CEO of an organization

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or power to you, and I can help you get there,

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or we can talk about that, but it's making sure

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that it's you all right path, And you spoke about authenticity,

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and authenticity I think is very central. Right for me,

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It's about understanding what have you been your motivations to succeed.

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So it's not just that society has told you something.

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I think it's that you have some subconscious story that

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is propelling you forward, that is making you do those things.

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So for me, I picked up many and as many

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of my clients do as well, picked up subconscious scripts

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as a child, as a teenager that then force you

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to then live out a life in a certain way.

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For me, I'll be very transparent.

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It was around the feeling of not being good enough,

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perhaps something wrong with me, etc. That meant that to

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try and prove myself wrong, I was constantly trying to

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achieve trying to find that internal gratification externally. And so

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one thing that I quite often do with clients, maybe

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not right at the beginning, but it's uncovering those stories

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so that you can see, Okay, where am I doing

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the things creating the life from an energy that I

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really want it, or where am I running creating a

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life from fear where I'm trying to prove this story

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wrong all of the time.

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And then when you can finally put that tory down.

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At thirty forty fifty, whatever it is that the people

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that I'm talking to, then you can suddenly say, okay, okay,

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I have a bit of opportunity to breathe a little later,

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and I can reassess, actually, what is authenticity to me?

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How do I want to act, how do I want

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to show up in the world, and what is the

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mark I want to leave?

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And that's really a very important step for me.

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Well, as we talk about success, I think it's interesting

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how different people define success in different ways. But here

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you're talking about life success, How would you define that

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for me?

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For me, as I said, it's a little weirder that

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perhaps most people's right.

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I live in Sri Lanka.

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I've been here for the last nine six or nine months,

236
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and for me, it's about living on my own terms.

237
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So I live in a warm place. That's very important.

238
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I come from London, not so warm, not so sunny.

239
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I want to make sure that I can get out,

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go to the beach, go for a swim, spend time

241
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with my partner. She's obviously a fundamental part of my

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version of success.

243
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Make sure that I contribute to people's.

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Lives every day in the way that coaching enables me

245
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to do, speak to interesting people such as you, Doug,

246
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and then continue to build momentum in the business. Right that,

247
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for me at this version of my life is success.

248
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It's very simple. It's very different than it was in London,

249
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but that's really where I envisage my life continuing to

250
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be for quite a period of time.

251
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Do you find that there's a general definition for people

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as you work with executives, you work with other people,

253
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do you find that, as you said, you know, they're

254
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so busy in their work and that seems to be

255
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the thing they need to do. And we will go

256
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into mindset a little bit more in a while. But

257
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do you find that there's a definition for them of

258
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success that when it really becomes real, where they're really

259
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finding a sense of peace in their life and joy

260
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and love as well as still being successful in whatever

261
00:13:11.120 --> 00:13:13.720
profession they happen to be in. Do you find that

262
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there's a reasonable definition for people of what success genuinely

263
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means in our lives.

264
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I think there's an answer that people give me as

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the first answer that feels like the safe answer, that

266
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feels like they're socially approved answer.

267
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I don't like to stop there, right, I like to

268
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keep on asking and tell me more.

269
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And often the more depth we go into, the more

270
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I ask explain that what does that mean for you?

271
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The more we peel back the layers, and the more

272
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unique it appears for each individual person.

273
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Right.

274
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For some people it's going camping with their mates on

275
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the weekend. For some it's yeah, their family for summits,

276
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they want to go r V racing or.

277
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Whatever it might be. But yeah, I think that to

278
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live your true version of winning.

279
00:13:56.759 --> 00:13:59.080
It has to be something that is unique to you

280
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and so therefore, well, yeah, there might be common themes

281
00:14:01.919 --> 00:14:05.600
around family and health and business and money and things

282
00:14:05.639 --> 00:14:08.639
like that, but it's the fuzzy bits on the edges

283
00:14:08.679 --> 00:14:11.000
that make your life interesting and make it feel really

284
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like yours.

285
00:14:12.000 --> 00:14:15.080
So it's really individual. If I hear what you're saying,

286
00:14:15.519 --> 00:14:19.639
it's really individual. But also it's just a sense of

287
00:14:20.080 --> 00:14:23.360
feeling that joy and that peace in your life, whether,

288
00:14:23.440 --> 00:14:25.240
as you say, whether you're doing it. I mean, I've

289
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got one son that runs five miles a day and

290
00:14:27.840 --> 00:14:30.679
just exercises and so on and so forth. There are

291
00:14:30.679 --> 00:14:34.200
others that do different things, but the reality is that

292
00:14:34.799 --> 00:14:38.600
the final the final item, is that they're feeling a

293
00:14:38.639 --> 00:14:43.960
sense of peace and happiness as well as potentially success

294
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in their lives.

295
00:14:45.039 --> 00:14:48.559
Yeah, for sure, for sure, it's I think peace and

296
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happiness and fulfillment, freedom.

297
00:14:51.840 --> 00:14:53.720
These are the things that people very often come to

298
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me and say that they want.

299
00:14:55.440 --> 00:14:55.600
Right.

300
00:14:55.679 --> 00:15:00.360
I think fulfillment again can be broken into like love, connection, joy,

301
00:15:01.240 --> 00:15:02.039
a liveness.

302
00:15:02.120 --> 00:15:02.279
Right.

303
00:15:02.320 --> 00:15:05.480
When people start to get these emotions into their lives,

304
00:15:06.120 --> 00:15:08.320
life starts to feel a lot more fun and you

305
00:15:08.399 --> 00:15:09.039
actually get.

306
00:15:08.919 --> 00:15:11.200
To play a lot more with it.

307
00:15:11.320 --> 00:15:14.759
Right, And very often for me, it's giving people permission

308
00:15:14.799 --> 00:15:17.000
in many ways to have a larger vision for their

309
00:15:17.039 --> 00:15:18.639
life and what it can mean. It doesn't have to

310
00:15:18.679 --> 00:15:23.720
always be as conservative as many people play it. And so, Okay,

311
00:15:23.759 --> 00:15:25.240
what is that thing that you did when you were

312
00:15:25.639 --> 00:15:27.639
ten or fifteen or whatever it might be that you

313
00:15:27.720 --> 00:15:30.360
really enjoyed that you've putten it in the closet because

314
00:15:30.639 --> 00:15:32.679
it didn't seem socially acceptable anymore.

315
00:15:33.000 --> 00:15:34.840
Maybe go and try that if that's something that you

316
00:15:34.879 --> 00:15:35.639
really love to do.

317
00:15:36.200 --> 00:15:38.279
I don't know what it is for anyone. I'm not

318
00:15:38.320 --> 00:15:41.679
here to prescribe anything. I'm here to interrogate and to

319
00:15:41.720 --> 00:15:45.000
ask questions and to draw out the insights from them.

320
00:15:45.480 --> 00:15:47.879
And that's why when people ask me, do I have

321
00:15:47.919 --> 00:15:50.120
a framework? Do I have a methodology?

322
00:15:50.440 --> 00:15:50.679
Yeah?

323
00:15:50.720 --> 00:15:53.279
Look, I draw from a number of different experiences that

324
00:15:53.320 --> 00:15:54.399
I've had in my life.

325
00:15:54.759 --> 00:15:56.440
But this work is completely bespoke.

326
00:15:56.519 --> 00:15:59.200
It's completely designed around that the person sitting in front

327
00:15:59.279 --> 00:16:02.960
of me and drawing out their version of winning nobody else's.

328
00:16:03.399 --> 00:16:06.080
So here's a question that comes to my mind. You know,

329
00:16:06.120 --> 00:16:08.200
you're talking about people in the workforce and so on

330
00:16:08.240 --> 00:16:11.639
and so forth. You ever work with people who retire?

331
00:16:13.279 --> 00:16:17.559
Yes, of course, like what is the greatest definition of

332
00:16:17.600 --> 00:16:20.440
retirement I've come across, Right, I think it's naval ravakant,

333
00:16:20.519 --> 00:16:24.720
isn't it, doug Whether he says that you stop sacrificing.

334
00:16:25.320 --> 00:16:30.480
Today for tomorrow. Right. So, in many ways, quite a lot.

335
00:16:30.320 --> 00:16:32.759
Of clients retire because they realize that they need to

336
00:16:32.799 --> 00:16:34.039
live today or they want to.

337
00:16:34.000 --> 00:16:35.720
Live today in and of itself.

338
00:16:35.879 --> 00:16:38.799
Okay, Now, obviously we make considerations in terms of savings

339
00:16:38.840 --> 00:16:41.399
and pensions and things like that, but yeah, I.

340
00:16:41.320 --> 00:16:42.200
Think that's important.

341
00:16:42.200 --> 00:16:43.919
And then people do come to me and say that

342
00:16:43.960 --> 00:16:47.840
I've retired, I've lived my entire life with this is

343
00:16:47.879 --> 00:16:49.720
the end goal that I'm this is going to be

344
00:16:49.720 --> 00:16:53.639
where I reach freedom. And fuddily enough, the trick that

345
00:16:53.639 --> 00:16:55.639
we've all been played is very often that that's not

346
00:16:55.759 --> 00:16:58.919
the case where it arrives if you spent your entire

347
00:16:58.960 --> 00:17:02.799
life living as so and modality living in according to Okay,

348
00:17:02.840 --> 00:17:04.480
I need to climb the ladder, or I need to

349
00:17:04.519 --> 00:17:07.519
save money because I need to make sure that I'm

350
00:17:07.640 --> 00:17:09.839
safe or secure at this certain age.

351
00:17:10.160 --> 00:17:12.000
Oddly enough, when you retire and.

352
00:17:11.880 --> 00:17:14.759
You stop working, it doesn't necessarily feel the way that

353
00:17:14.799 --> 00:17:18.119
you thought it would. So again, it's about redefining what

354
00:17:18.119 --> 00:17:22.079
that means and how you can tap into that little

355
00:17:22.119 --> 00:17:25.079
bit by little bit, day by day to try and

356
00:17:25.319 --> 00:17:26.079
live more freely.

357
00:17:26.480 --> 00:17:28.440
And how did they do that? I don't know what

358
00:17:28.480 --> 00:17:33.839
you observe there among expats here in Thailand. I observe

359
00:17:34.039 --> 00:17:37.759
a lot of them have gone from that successful working

360
00:17:37.839 --> 00:17:41.079
and so on and so forth to where basically they

361
00:17:41.160 --> 00:17:43.319
just sit at home and watch some TV or in

362
00:17:43.359 --> 00:17:45.559
the evening of the bars and drink with their buddies

363
00:17:45.599 --> 00:17:50.119
and so forth. How do you help those that are

364
00:17:50.160 --> 00:17:53.880
retiring to find purpose once again in their lives, but

365
00:17:54.079 --> 00:17:56.200
different from their work.

366
00:17:56.559 --> 00:17:59.319
Well, it's again it's about getting It's exactly the same

367
00:17:59.359 --> 00:18:02.880
work anyway, stug. It's uncovering what is valuable to them.

368
00:18:03.319 --> 00:18:05.319
So one of the most common things is I don't

369
00:18:05.319 --> 00:18:08.119
want to necessarily go and earn money, but I want

370
00:18:08.119 --> 00:18:09.079
to go and get fulfillment.

371
00:18:09.160 --> 00:18:12.880
I want to get give back. Okay. So it's again

372
00:18:12.920 --> 00:18:14.079
it's looking at their values.

373
00:18:14.119 --> 00:18:16.759
It's looking at understanding where they've come from, what their

374
00:18:16.799 --> 00:18:18.920
experiences are, what they would.

375
00:18:18.759 --> 00:18:22.119
Enjoy doing, and just finding small ways that they can

376
00:18:22.160 --> 00:18:25.400
do that. It might be going and volunteering in.

377
00:18:25.319 --> 00:18:28.279
A old people's home once a week, it might be

378
00:18:29.720 --> 00:18:33.519
starting a walking club in their local community. It can

379
00:18:33.559 --> 00:18:36.519
be any number of things. But it's about then building

380
00:18:36.559 --> 00:18:38.640
in those small things. And this is why I think

381
00:18:38.839 --> 00:18:41.519
it's so important that we define what success is before

382
00:18:41.559 --> 00:18:44.400
we get to that stage, because.

383
00:18:44.720 --> 00:18:47.000
Very often we think, Okay, we're gonna have eight hours free,

384
00:18:47.000 --> 00:18:48.200
I can do whatever I want.

385
00:18:48.599 --> 00:18:50.799
But if you haven't been living your life that you

386
00:18:50.880 --> 00:18:54.119
want before that, you then just have another eight hours

387
00:18:54.119 --> 00:18:56.119
where you can watch Netflix and chill.

388
00:18:55.880 --> 00:18:56.960
And not do anything.

389
00:18:57.319 --> 00:18:59.039
As you say, go and hang out with your mates

390
00:18:59.079 --> 00:19:01.839
at the pub or whatever it might be, rather than

391
00:19:01.920 --> 00:19:03.119
living it intentionally.

392
00:19:03.799 --> 00:19:05.920
So yeah, for sure we can do it.

393
00:19:05.920 --> 00:19:07.680
It's a little bit more tricky because then you've got

394
00:19:07.680 --> 00:19:09.839
to say, Okay, these habits that I haven't done for

395
00:19:10.000 --> 00:19:11.920
thirty forty fifty years, perhaps by.

396
00:19:11.759 --> 00:19:14.240
This point can I start adding these in? Can I

397
00:19:14.240 --> 00:19:17.799
go sailing? Can I maybe go knitting whatever it might be? Right?

398
00:19:17.839 --> 00:19:21.000
Can Can I go and play golf with mates? It's

399
00:19:21.039 --> 00:19:23.039
all about the connection and that the things that they

400
00:19:23.119 --> 00:19:24.880
want to add into their lives. Again, the work's not

401
00:19:24.920 --> 00:19:27.759
so different, but it just has different a different view,

402
00:19:27.759 --> 00:19:28.559
a different look on it.

403
00:19:28.880 --> 00:19:31.480
Well, and you mentioned something that I think is so important.

404
00:19:31.519 --> 00:19:33.839
I want you to expand on a little bit talking

405
00:19:33.880 --> 00:19:38.079
about giving back. And you know, so often we do

406
00:19:38.119 --> 00:19:40.720
everything that makes us feel happy and so on and

407
00:19:40.720 --> 00:19:43.559
so forth. But what do you find when someone is

408
00:19:43.640 --> 00:19:47.559
able to develop that sense of giving back and making

409
00:19:47.599 --> 00:19:50.599
a difference. And as you say, it can be very simple.

410
00:19:51.200 --> 00:19:55.839
But what happens when someone's able to start eliminating that

411
00:19:55.960 --> 00:19:59.799
total me, me me and start giving back in some way?

412
00:20:00.119 --> 00:20:00.839
What happens?

413
00:20:01.400 --> 00:20:03.519
Yes, I read it in some book once and I

414
00:20:03.519 --> 00:20:05.880
can't remember exactly where to attribute it, so forgive me.

415
00:20:06.000 --> 00:20:08.279
But there was a distinction that they made between the

416
00:20:08.279 --> 00:20:09.200
West and the East.

417
00:20:09.559 --> 00:20:10.480
In the West, when.

418
00:20:10.359 --> 00:20:12.559
We're feeling down, we think about how to spend money

419
00:20:12.599 --> 00:20:15.599
on ourselves, how to give ourselves self care, how to

420
00:20:15.640 --> 00:20:18.000
do these sorts of things. In the East, what they're

421
00:20:18.039 --> 00:20:21.000
taught is it's about giving back to others.

422
00:20:21.039 --> 00:20:24.839
How can you contribute to others? And what they found.

423
00:20:24.559 --> 00:20:26.720
In this study was that the people that gave back

424
00:20:26.759 --> 00:20:31.680
to others showed signs of being more subjectively happy, more fulfilled,

425
00:20:32.119 --> 00:20:34.960
more connected to their community, whereas when we put it

426
00:20:35.000 --> 00:20:39.359
on ourselves in the West, that was very different. And

427
00:20:39.400 --> 00:20:41.200
so I think that that's very very true for the

428
00:20:41.200 --> 00:20:44.240
people that I work with. Yes, for sure, it's important

429
00:20:44.279 --> 00:20:47.200
to put your own oxygen mask on first, because then

430
00:20:47.240 --> 00:20:47.640
you cut.

431
00:20:47.759 --> 00:20:49.680
If you don't do that, you can't help others.

432
00:20:50.240 --> 00:20:52.839
But in the service of others, by connecting with others,

433
00:20:53.079 --> 00:20:55.039
it gives you so much more back than you can

434
00:20:55.079 --> 00:20:56.720
anticipate it doing well.

435
00:20:56.759 --> 00:20:59.000
And you know, you talk about the myth of more

436
00:20:59.480 --> 00:21:04.160
and for me coming here to Thailand and recognizing that,

437
00:21:04.319 --> 00:21:08.279
holy cow, here are these people and they appear to

438
00:21:08.319 --> 00:21:11.720
be happy. I mean, obviously they had their own issues,

439
00:21:12.480 --> 00:21:18.200
but they're living on meager amounts of income, and yet

440
00:21:18.759 --> 00:21:24.200
you see them, they smile, they're happy. What is your

441
00:21:24.279 --> 00:21:27.039
concept or what are your thoughts about the myth of more?

442
00:21:27.240 --> 00:21:30.880
And as you say, particularly in the West, how do

443
00:21:30.920 --> 00:21:34.759
we find ourselves caught up in more to the point

444
00:21:34.960 --> 00:21:38.119
that we that becomes our main focus and we lose

445
00:21:38.240 --> 00:21:40.079
sight of what's really important.

446
00:21:40.599 --> 00:21:43.119
Yes, again, I think even the myth of more comes

447
00:21:43.160 --> 00:21:46.200
back to these subconscious stories that you've carried with you, right,

448
00:21:46.599 --> 00:21:48.359
whether that's around safety or.

449
00:21:48.319 --> 00:21:49.039
Not being enough.

450
00:21:49.440 --> 00:21:52.240
If we're trying to fulfill these stories that we're living

451
00:21:52.240 --> 00:21:55.799
with that we haven't yet identified, then that along with

452
00:21:55.880 --> 00:21:59.680
the societal pressures and keeping up with the Joneses and

453
00:21:59.720 --> 00:22:02.839
what we see on Instagram or whatever makes us want

454
00:22:02.880 --> 00:22:05.400
to kind of do more, get a nicer house, get

455
00:22:05.400 --> 00:22:08.640
a nicer car, et cetera. But as you said, yeah,

456
00:22:08.680 --> 00:22:10.799
for sure, we see people in Thailand or people in

457
00:22:10.839 --> 00:22:14.839
Sri Lanka that have substantially less than we typically see

458
00:22:15.000 --> 00:22:16.039
and they're just as happy.

459
00:22:16.279 --> 00:22:18.440
But even I'm sure you see for yourself done, we

460
00:22:18.440 --> 00:22:19.640
see for ourselves that.

461
00:22:19.880 --> 00:22:23.000
Okay, well I don't actually really need a flashy car here, right,

462
00:22:23.039 --> 00:22:24.720
because the weather's brilliant and I can go to the

463
00:22:24.720 --> 00:22:25.440
beach and I can.

464
00:22:25.359 --> 00:22:26.319
Hang out with friends.

465
00:22:27.599 --> 00:22:30.680
I don't really need a huge house because okay, well

466
00:22:30.720 --> 00:22:32.079
I've got a place with a pool and I've got

467
00:22:32.079 --> 00:22:32.599
a spare room.

468
00:22:32.640 --> 00:22:33.680
What else more do I need?

469
00:22:33.839 --> 00:22:34.039
Right?

470
00:22:34.680 --> 00:22:38.799
And so yeah, it's again it's about realizing.

471
00:22:38.240 --> 00:22:42.039
For people and making that connection with people that if

472
00:22:42.079 --> 00:22:44.960
you're not happy where you are, adding an extra zero

473
00:22:45.000 --> 00:22:47.400
to your bank account or adding an extra three rooms

474
00:22:47.400 --> 00:22:49.480
to your house probably isn't going to do it.

475
00:22:49.960 --> 00:22:52.920
So what does happiness look like for you? How can

476
00:22:52.960 --> 00:22:53.759
you get that now?

477
00:22:53.799 --> 00:22:57.000
How can you feel happiness internally so that you don't

478
00:22:57.039 --> 00:22:58.920
have to try and garner externally.

479
00:22:59.359 --> 00:23:02.000
And again, the way that I extend the feeling of

480
00:23:02.039 --> 00:23:02.640
more in.

481
00:23:02.599 --> 00:23:05.720
My work is I said that most personal development is

482
00:23:05.759 --> 00:23:09.160
talking about being more, trying harder, getting up at five

483
00:23:09.200 --> 00:23:10.359
am and doing your.

484
00:23:10.279 --> 00:23:13.839
Morning ritual or whatever it might be. And I said

485
00:23:13.880 --> 00:23:15.160
that that's just not true.

486
00:23:15.240 --> 00:23:17.880
For most of the people that I work with, most

487
00:23:18.039 --> 00:23:20.319
high performances are already maxed out.

488
00:23:20.359 --> 00:23:21.880
I know that I was when I was in work.

489
00:23:21.920 --> 00:23:23.880
It sounds like you Doug when you were working or

490
00:23:23.920 --> 00:23:26.400
doing a lot of things already. So the idea of

491
00:23:26.440 --> 00:23:29.960
doing another thing, another effort to kind of create the

492
00:23:30.000 --> 00:23:32.440
life that you want, seems fruitful, at least in the

493
00:23:32.480 --> 00:23:36.240
first instance. So I start by stripping the things away

494
00:23:36.359 --> 00:23:38.839
that you that aren't serving you, that are holding you back,

495
00:23:38.920 --> 00:23:40.880
that might be limiting beliefs, that might be where you're

496
00:23:40.880 --> 00:23:42.920
spending your time. It might be any number of things,

497
00:23:43.279 --> 00:23:45.880
but I think removal as a first stage is often

498
00:23:46.200 --> 00:23:48.200
a very interesting step to start with.

499
00:23:48.920 --> 00:23:50.640
Well in the air card totally. I don't know if

500
00:23:50.680 --> 00:23:53.759
you've read his book New World but er New Earth,

501
00:23:53.839 --> 00:23:57.240
but he talks about the ego and really just focuses

502
00:23:57.319 --> 00:24:00.759
on how people allow their ego to push them in

503
00:24:00.799 --> 00:24:05.119
a direction. That's not necessarily the healthiest for them from

504
00:24:05.119 --> 00:24:07.680
the standpoint I need more and so forth. And you've

505
00:24:07.880 --> 00:24:11.680
mentioned this concept of I need more because it'll make

506
00:24:11.720 --> 00:24:14.519
me look better to the people around me, and so

507
00:24:14.559 --> 00:24:17.039
on and so forth. How do you help people to

508
00:24:17.200 --> 00:24:22.000
understand that there's a healthy ego and not so healthy

509
00:24:22.039 --> 00:24:26.240
ego and to be able to develop that mindset and

510
00:24:26.279 --> 00:24:30.559
that concept of having a healthy ego and finding that

511
00:24:30.640 --> 00:24:35.079
sense of purpose and happiness and start to eliminate as

512
00:24:35.119 --> 00:24:37.000
you say, I need a bigger house, I need a

513
00:24:37.000 --> 00:24:38.839
bigger car, so on and so forth.

514
00:24:40.039 --> 00:24:43.160
Yes, I think as well, it's not a case of

515
00:24:43.160 --> 00:24:45.960
removing the ego, right. You hear that sometimes in the

516
00:24:46.000 --> 00:24:47.759
spiritual world, I'll kill the ego or whatever.

517
00:24:47.799 --> 00:24:48.839
I don't think that's the case.

518
00:24:48.880 --> 00:24:51.079
I don't think that's really where we want to function

519
00:24:51.119 --> 00:24:51.960
as humans, right.

520
00:24:52.359 --> 00:24:56.559
But I think for me, when it comes to unveiling.

521
00:24:56.000 --> 00:24:59.440
The good parts, again, it's about looking at the stories

522
00:24:59.440 --> 00:25:02.240
that you've got. Some will be empowering, someone will be disempowering.

523
00:25:02.640 --> 00:25:06.400
But it's about identifying which is which and where you

524
00:25:06.440 --> 00:25:10.400
are with it. So I very often I'm not a therapist.

525
00:25:10.440 --> 00:25:12.000
I never claim to be on the internet, right, but

526
00:25:12.039 --> 00:25:14.599
we do often look at childhood to see the stories

527
00:25:14.599 --> 00:25:17.519
that have shaped your life, and very often people say

528
00:25:17.559 --> 00:25:20.359
that I'm not worthy, I'm not good enough, and these

529
00:25:20.480 --> 00:25:23.559
common passage, I wasn't safe, these sorts of things come up,

530
00:25:24.039 --> 00:25:27.400
and so I make the distinction between.

531
00:25:27.079 --> 00:25:28.240
Creation and reaction.

532
00:25:28.799 --> 00:25:33.039
Okay, And when you're living from those stories, it is

533
00:25:33.200 --> 00:25:36.359
very common that you're then reacting to life. My dad

534
00:25:36.480 --> 00:25:39.039
wasn't great, and so I'm going to do the complete opposite.

535
00:25:39.119 --> 00:25:41.519
My mum wasn't emotionally open, so I'm going to do

536
00:25:41.519 --> 00:25:44.359
the complete opposite, whatever it might be. Or my teacher

537
00:25:44.359 --> 00:25:45.920
told me I wasn't good enough, so I'm going to

538
00:25:45.960 --> 00:25:48.119
prove her wrong, or I'm going to live into that

539
00:25:48.160 --> 00:25:49.920
and prove that I'm really not good enough, however it

540
00:25:50.000 --> 00:25:53.559
might play out right. And so it's about identifying those

541
00:25:53.599 --> 00:25:55.599
stories and saying, Okay, are they true for you?

542
00:25:55.640 --> 00:25:55.839
Now?

543
00:25:55.880 --> 00:25:56.640
Do they serve you?

544
00:25:56.759 --> 00:25:57.000
Now?

545
00:25:57.400 --> 00:26:00.279
Are they of value? And if they're not, then can

546
00:26:00.319 --> 00:26:02.319
we find a way which we very often do, of

547
00:26:02.359 --> 00:26:03.240
putting those down.

548
00:26:03.839 --> 00:26:05.960
And then you have the opportunity to say, Okay, this

549
00:26:06.039 --> 00:26:07.519
is the positive side of the ego.

550
00:26:07.559 --> 00:26:08.359
This is the thing that I.

551
00:26:08.319 --> 00:26:10.079
Want to create, This is how I want to live

552
00:26:10.400 --> 00:26:12.200
and this is just a story that I've been telling

553
00:26:12.200 --> 00:26:16.279
myself and trying to react to that actually isn't valid anymore.

554
00:26:16.640 --> 00:26:18.759
So how easy is it for you to help people

555
00:26:18.839 --> 00:26:19.359
achieve that?

556
00:26:22.839 --> 00:26:25.880
Honestly, I think it's far easier than people anticipate.

557
00:26:26.039 --> 00:26:26.240
Right.

558
00:26:27.160 --> 00:26:31.000
Typically, within the first couple of sessions, we've identified them,

559
00:26:31.599 --> 00:26:34.000
and then in a few more sessions we are on

560
00:26:34.079 --> 00:26:38.480
our way to dismantling it. Honestly, the way that I

561
00:26:38.480 --> 00:26:40.240
see it is it's like a Jenga tower you've played

562
00:26:40.279 --> 00:26:43.119
younger before you pull the bricks out, right, Once you

563
00:26:43.200 --> 00:26:45.359
start to pull a few of these bricks out, the

564
00:26:45.440 --> 00:26:48.200
tower wobbles. The whole ambition for me is to pull

565
00:26:48.240 --> 00:26:50.960
the bricks out so you have a clear base.

566
00:26:50.720 --> 00:26:53.200
To start from. You can then really.

567
00:26:52.880 --> 00:26:54.880
Say, Okay, this is what I want and this is

568
00:26:54.920 --> 00:26:58.240
how I'm going to go after it. But many of

569
00:26:58.319 --> 00:27:03.160
us have built identities this structure that doesn't serve us anymore.

570
00:27:03.680 --> 00:27:06.279
That was valuable perhaps when we were five or fifteen

571
00:27:06.400 --> 00:27:06.960
or twenty.

572
00:27:07.559 --> 00:27:09.000
That isn't the case anymore.

573
00:27:09.440 --> 00:27:11.160
And if it's not the case, then why you're still

574
00:27:11.160 --> 00:27:13.680
living with it when you're thirty five, forty five and

575
00:27:13.720 --> 00:27:17.319
fifty five, and I think not to bash on therapy

576
00:27:17.400 --> 00:27:19.759
or anything like that, but we're very often taught how

577
00:27:19.799 --> 00:27:22.400
to manage these symptoms, how to manage the way that

578
00:27:22.440 --> 00:27:24.960
we are with things. When I just think, okay, well,

579
00:27:25.079 --> 00:27:27.000
let's get rid of it and start again and see

580
00:27:27.000 --> 00:27:27.759
where we can get to.

581
00:27:28.279 --> 00:27:29.839
And of course it still rears its head.

582
00:27:29.880 --> 00:27:32.000
If you've lived in a pattern for twenty thirty years,

583
00:27:32.240 --> 00:27:32.920
it comes back.

584
00:27:32.960 --> 00:27:33.759
It still does. For me.

585
00:27:34.119 --> 00:27:36.640
I am not living a perfect life by any means, Doug.

586
00:27:36.680 --> 00:27:40.160
It's a life that's true to me. But it's about

587
00:27:40.240 --> 00:27:44.680
understanding that, yes, okay, it might come back to some degree,

588
00:27:44.720 --> 00:27:47.799
but I know that this is a pattern. Now, it's

589
00:27:47.920 --> 00:27:49.759
how do I live with it, and how do I

590
00:27:50.599 --> 00:27:52.680
how do I continue to push forward in the life

591
00:27:52.680 --> 00:27:55.799
that I want, rather than just managing symptoms or anything

592
00:27:55.799 --> 00:27:56.000
like that.

593
00:27:56.000 --> 00:27:57.519
Does that make sense to well?

594
00:27:57.559 --> 00:27:59.640
It does? And you really are getting to this focus

595
00:27:59.680 --> 00:28:03.440
on awareness mindset, because, as you say, you know, it's

596
00:28:03.480 --> 00:28:09.119
one thing to always be triggered by those subconscious situations

597
00:28:09.599 --> 00:28:13.640
or by even society in the present time. Yes, but

598
00:28:13.759 --> 00:28:18.559
it's another thing to recognize that it's coming up and

599
00:28:18.599 --> 00:28:22.400
to have the ability to say, right, that's not true.

600
00:28:22.599 --> 00:28:25.039
That's just one of those triggers for me, and to

601
00:28:25.079 --> 00:28:27.720
be able to put it aside and not have it

602
00:28:27.839 --> 00:28:31.480
totally affect you. So talk a little bit about mindset

603
00:28:31.640 --> 00:28:34.960
awareness and how important that is for someone and how

604
00:28:35.400 --> 00:28:36.839
can they really achieve that.

605
00:28:38.000 --> 00:28:40.200
Well, the first step, as you say, is awareness, right.

606
00:28:40.240 --> 00:28:43.640
I think that I really identify with Carl Jung's quote

607
00:28:43.680 --> 00:28:47.160
of until you make the unconscious conscious, it will run

608
00:28:47.200 --> 00:28:50.079
your life and you will call it fact. So can

609
00:28:50.119 --> 00:28:53.440
you first of all become aware of the patterns, the triggers, etc.

610
00:28:53.759 --> 00:28:54.519
That are coming up?

611
00:28:54.680 --> 00:28:54.920
Yes?

612
00:28:55.480 --> 00:28:57.599
And then I think you spoke about it beautifully in

613
00:28:57.640 --> 00:29:00.559
a previous podcast with the Lady that was talking about

614
00:29:00.599 --> 00:29:05.359
love and how to think about love. You talked about how, okay,

615
00:29:05.920 --> 00:29:08.359
am I getting triggered by this moment or something that

616
00:29:08.400 --> 00:29:11.039
happened to me a long way back in the past,

617
00:29:11.799 --> 00:29:15.200
And that gap where you can spot the difference between

618
00:29:15.240 --> 00:29:18.000
what's actually causing the response and what actually is is

619
00:29:18.319 --> 00:29:21.880
incredibly valuable, and that gives you space to say, Okay,

620
00:29:22.279 --> 00:29:25.200
I have the opportunity to react differently. I have the

621
00:29:25.559 --> 00:29:28.880
opportunity to be a different person in this moment, And

622
00:29:28.920 --> 00:29:29.960
it's like going to the gym.

623
00:29:30.119 --> 00:29:32.319
As you do that more and more, you get stronger

624
00:29:32.359 --> 00:29:33.920
in that muscle of not.

625
00:29:33.920 --> 00:29:38.200
Reacting instantaneously, and then, yeah, that's the first step of

626
00:29:38.200 --> 00:29:42.240
the work that obviously my anticipation as we go through

627
00:29:42.240 --> 00:29:44.880
this is that we lessen that story so that the

628
00:29:44.920 --> 00:29:48.559
reactions become less and your muscle to spot the gap

629
00:29:48.599 --> 00:29:52.119
becomes even stronger, so that you aren't getting caught in

630
00:29:52.160 --> 00:29:55.960
these trigger points so often, and you live a more

631
00:29:56.000 --> 00:29:58.839
and more free and fulfilling and peaceful life.

632
00:29:59.200 --> 00:30:01.839
So I have many some times you observe as you're

633
00:30:01.839 --> 00:30:07.000
working with an executive that is narried or in a relationship,

634
00:30:07.519 --> 00:30:12.440
and you mentioned your own, Yeah, how does this help

635
00:30:12.680 --> 00:30:17.880
to improve relationships, not only in those real close personal ones,

636
00:30:17.920 --> 00:30:21.000
but even relationships with people that are friends and so

637
00:30:21.039 --> 00:30:21.920
on and so forth.

638
00:30:22.640 --> 00:30:25.160
Well, does it not improve everything?

639
00:30:25.200 --> 00:30:29.480
If your relationship with yourself is better, if you're less reactive,

640
00:30:29.519 --> 00:30:32.000
if you're able to be more present, if you can

641
00:30:32.039 --> 00:30:36.200
therefore listen better, and rather than thinking about the right

642
00:30:36.240 --> 00:30:38.960
thing to say, you're actually responding and being part of

643
00:30:39.200 --> 00:30:42.039
a conversation with someone, does that not change everything?

644
00:30:42.240 --> 00:30:42.920
In my perception?

645
00:30:43.000 --> 00:30:43.400
It does.

646
00:30:43.440 --> 00:30:46.359
It changes your relationship with your wife, with your kids,

647
00:30:46.400 --> 00:30:48.799
with your family. And as I said before, this is

648
00:30:48.839 --> 00:30:51.799
not about giving up ambition. It's not about slaying that ego.

649
00:30:51.920 --> 00:30:54.920
Right You still, in many ways want you're an executive,

650
00:30:54.960 --> 00:30:57.119
You want to continue to do well, You still want

651
00:30:57.160 --> 00:31:01.720
to be good in business. And this serves because it

652
00:31:01.759 --> 00:31:04.559
means that you can show up more as an authentic leader,

653
00:31:05.000 --> 00:31:08.039
which authenticity has been shown to have a very very

654
00:31:08.119 --> 00:31:09.160
high frequency level.

655
00:31:09.160 --> 00:31:11.920
That means that you can get people along on the journey.

656
00:31:12.279 --> 00:31:14.279
It means that you can probably lead them better. It

657
00:31:14.319 --> 00:31:16.359
means that you're more open receptive.

658
00:31:15.880 --> 00:31:18.720
To feedback, which probably means that you progress quicker, and

659
00:31:18.759 --> 00:31:20.119
earn more and do all of the things that you

660
00:31:20.119 --> 00:31:21.400
want to do on the side as well.

661
00:31:21.480 --> 00:31:24.119
Right, Well, and that's true. I mean, I hear the

662
00:31:24.200 --> 00:31:29.880
stories of executives' situations where someone new comes into a

663
00:31:29.880 --> 00:31:35.279
particular department and it becomes a nightmare. The employees are

664
00:31:35.319 --> 00:31:40.400
just so upset and frustrated and anxious because of that.

665
00:31:41.000 --> 00:31:45.119
And how often does this very sense of self worth

666
00:31:45.319 --> 00:31:50.240
and true awareness and mindset help an executive to become

667
00:31:50.960 --> 00:31:55.079
a better executive And rather than getting fired because they're

668
00:31:55.079 --> 00:31:59.880
not getting the whole department to produce, they're actually succeeding.

669
00:32:00.480 --> 00:32:01.960
I think one hundred percent of the time.

670
00:32:02.200 --> 00:32:06.079
If you can be there, more balanced, more centered for yourself.

671
00:32:06.319 --> 00:32:07.519
What ultimately are you doing.

672
00:32:07.519 --> 00:32:09.920
You're modeling things for your teams, right And if you're

673
00:32:10.519 --> 00:32:13.559
steady in a storm, if you can think clearly when

674
00:32:13.599 --> 00:32:16.440
things are going wrong, if you can lead with confidence

675
00:32:16.480 --> 00:32:20.240
and conviction, then you're modeling the right actions for your

676
00:32:20.279 --> 00:32:23.440
team right. And that, ultimately, I believe, means that that

677
00:32:23.519 --> 00:32:27.119
team is going to function better, more effectively, especially if

678
00:32:27.160 --> 00:32:29.559
then you are open in communication, if you can have

679
00:32:29.680 --> 00:32:33.319
non passive aggressive communication things like that, it means that

680
00:32:33.359 --> 00:32:35.519
then that's a possibility for the rest of your team

681
00:32:35.559 --> 00:32:37.000
because they feel comfortable doing it.

682
00:32:38.480 --> 00:32:40.400
And I actually make the distinction on my website.

683
00:32:40.440 --> 00:32:43.839
I very often think and executives will come to me

684
00:32:43.880 --> 00:32:46.680
and say, I've got a strategy problem. You're going to

685
00:32:46.680 --> 00:32:49.079
be the best person to find that strategy. In all likelihood,

686
00:32:49.079 --> 00:32:51.200
you probably don't have a strategy problem. You have a

687
00:32:51.240 --> 00:32:54.000
thinking problem, you have a clarity problem, you have a

688
00:32:54.039 --> 00:32:55.119
mindset problem.

689
00:32:55.480 --> 00:32:57.039
So let's work that out.

690
00:32:57.160 --> 00:32:59.519
And then with a huge amount of likelihood, that's going

691
00:32:59.559 --> 00:33:02.160
to solve your strategy problem, because then you're going to

692
00:33:02.160 --> 00:33:05.160
be able to think through the things and disseminate information

693
00:33:05.240 --> 00:33:07.960
from different points that it's going to make your strategy

694
00:33:08.000 --> 00:33:12.319
far more clear and easier for your team to follow well.

695
00:33:12.359 --> 00:33:17.440
And you know, as you talk about personal responsibility in relationships,

696
00:33:17.599 --> 00:33:21.359
whether it's at work or otherwise, what have you observed

697
00:33:21.400 --> 00:33:25.119
when an individual you know has really got a lot

698
00:33:25.160 --> 00:33:28.160
of those issues, but as you work with them, and

699
00:33:28.200 --> 00:33:32.880
as they start to really develop that sense of self

700
00:33:33.200 --> 00:33:36.480
and worth and value and get rid of some of

701
00:33:36.519 --> 00:33:41.359
those triggers, what have you observed, both in business and

702
00:33:41.480 --> 00:33:45.799
in personal life, how does that affect the relationships, whether

703
00:33:45.880 --> 00:33:49.960
with their employees or whether with their important people in

704
00:33:50.000 --> 00:33:50.480
their lives.

705
00:33:50.839 --> 00:33:54.759
Yes, so the relationship front, it transforms them right because

706
00:33:55.319 --> 00:33:58.000
they feel better. And so again it's not a case

707
00:33:58.000 --> 00:34:01.799
that they are trying to garner feeling from outside of themselves.

708
00:34:01.839 --> 00:34:03.119
So they're not people pleasing.

709
00:34:03.559 --> 00:34:06.000
The imposter syndrome is somewhat lower, and so they're not

710
00:34:06.039 --> 00:34:08.719
trying to do things from a bad place of ego

711
00:34:08.800 --> 00:34:12.159
that we talked about, and so the relationships are more honest,

712
00:34:12.320 --> 00:34:15.599
more transparent.

713
00:34:15.320 --> 00:34:18.480
And serving the greater purpose very often.

714
00:34:18.559 --> 00:34:21.559
So on your website, because I went through that and

715
00:34:21.639 --> 00:34:24.000
it's interesting to see what you have there. One of

716
00:34:24.000 --> 00:34:27.880
the things you talk about is boundaries, and I'd love

717
00:34:27.960 --> 00:34:30.360
for you to share that, because I think so many

718
00:34:30.880 --> 00:34:36.119
of us experience this boundary issue and don't really know

719
00:34:36.360 --> 00:34:40.639
how to set boundaries in our lives that allow us

720
00:34:40.679 --> 00:34:44.159
to really be happy and not be affected and be

721
00:34:44.360 --> 00:34:47.320
at the affected as you say, of other people and

722
00:34:47.360 --> 00:34:48.599
other situations.

723
00:34:50.119 --> 00:34:52.519
So I think it's slightly interesting stance on this. Right.

724
00:34:52.719 --> 00:34:56.239
Again, I think that we often say that we want

725
00:34:56.239 --> 00:34:59.800
these boundaries, the type of people that cross our boundaries

726
00:34:59.920 --> 00:35:02.440
or whatever. Right, it's very often very important to be

727
00:35:02.519 --> 00:35:05.000
clear with boundaries, etc. And to say this is how

728
00:35:05.039 --> 00:35:07.920
I want things to be, and be clear with people.

729
00:35:07.639 --> 00:35:08.800
In terms of the communication.

730
00:35:09.360 --> 00:35:11.639
But I also think that it's very important to look

731
00:35:11.800 --> 00:35:15.800
internally about that, right because if things are triggering you,

732
00:35:15.880 --> 00:35:18.239
if there's a you're getting a response that you don't

733
00:35:18.280 --> 00:35:21.280
want from outside of you, it's often an indication that

734
00:35:21.320 --> 00:35:25.400
you are haven't fully reconciled or integrated of you about yourself. Yes,

735
00:35:26.280 --> 00:35:28.360
and so again the work that we will do is

736
00:35:28.559 --> 00:35:31.519
understanding why does that cross your boundary? What about that

737
00:35:31.679 --> 00:35:34.599
is it uncomfortable for you to sit with? And can

738
00:35:34.639 --> 00:35:38.559
we identify what that is? So that when that shows up,

739
00:35:38.599 --> 00:35:41.239
you don't get triggered by it, but you can communicate

740
00:35:41.280 --> 00:35:44.199
clearly why that doesn't sit with you properly.

741
00:35:45.360 --> 00:35:48.760
And so, yeah, it's it is about defining.

742
00:35:48.239 --> 00:35:50.320
Them, it's about being clear about them, but it's also

743
00:35:50.400 --> 00:35:53.360
understanding what is the why is that impacting you? And

744
00:35:53.400 --> 00:35:56.000
then how can you communicate that clearly in the moment

745
00:35:56.679 --> 00:35:59.199
rather than from reaction, but just from Okay, this is

746
00:35:59.199 --> 00:36:00.840
how it is. This isn't a great thing for me

747
00:36:01.159 --> 00:36:04.519
for X y Z reason, Let's move forward in a

748
00:36:04.519 --> 00:36:06.039
more constructive way in the future.

749
00:36:06.519 --> 00:36:09.960
Well, another comment that you have on your website which

750
00:36:10.159 --> 00:36:14.079
really resonated with me is this concept of find joy

751
00:36:14.559 --> 00:36:20.199
in who you are, not just what you do, and theologically,

752
00:36:20.960 --> 00:36:25.400
which I'm very interested in. It fascinates me that we're

753
00:36:26.039 --> 00:36:29.760
taught so much by various religions that do do do

754
00:36:29.760 --> 00:36:32.719
do do, and I think that affects a huge amount

755
00:36:32.760 --> 00:36:39.119
of people versus becoming B B. And so what are

756
00:36:39.159 --> 00:36:40.760
your thoughts on that and why do you have that

757
00:36:40.880 --> 00:36:45.000
on your website? What have you observed and the importance

758
00:36:45.199 --> 00:36:49.039
of becoming who you are rather than just doing.

759
00:36:49.559 --> 00:36:52.519
Yeah, a silly example that I give is I was

760
00:36:52.559 --> 00:36:54.400
having this conversation with a client the other day, and

761
00:36:54.400 --> 00:36:57.760
we were talking about how very often you hear about

762
00:36:57.800 --> 00:37:02.320
people that look ludicrous successful from the outside, that have

763
00:37:02.760 --> 00:37:05.559
perhaps taken their companies to ibo, they've rung the bell

764
00:37:05.639 --> 00:37:08.000
in New York or whatever it might be, and then

765
00:37:08.039 --> 00:37:10.039
they speak about on the other side of it, they

766
00:37:10.079 --> 00:37:14.159
feel lost or confused or unhappy because they thought that

767
00:37:14.159 --> 00:37:16.880
that achievement would make them feel the joy that they

768
00:37:17.199 --> 00:37:21.280
had been delaying for so long. And the conversation developed

769
00:37:21.320 --> 00:37:24.320
into saying, Okay, well, what ultimately is that, Well, that's

770
00:37:24.360 --> 00:37:28.039
the ultimate victim mentality. I will only be happy when

771
00:37:28.639 --> 00:37:31.440
you've made a contract with yourself to say at this point,

772
00:37:31.440 --> 00:37:33.880
I will allow myself to feel those feelings of joy.

773
00:37:34.400 --> 00:37:36.559
Right, and again, it's perfectly natural.

774
00:37:36.639 --> 00:37:36.840
Right.

775
00:37:36.920 --> 00:37:39.920
I experienced this myself to this day, even though I

776
00:37:39.960 --> 00:37:42.639
talk about this day by day, even when I quit

777
00:37:42.679 --> 00:37:45.519
my job and I talk about it on my LinkedIn.

778
00:37:45.639 --> 00:37:49.159
I had a business plan written up for this business

779
00:37:49.159 --> 00:37:51.039
that I was going to start that was going to

780
00:37:51.039 --> 00:37:53.280
make me millions of dollars that I was going to sell.

781
00:37:53.400 --> 00:37:55.719
I wasn't going to enjoy necessarily the business while I

782
00:37:55.800 --> 00:37:58.920
was doing it, but I had the skill set and

783
00:37:58.960 --> 00:38:00.880
the aptitude and all these things to make it happen.

784
00:38:01.320 --> 00:38:03.960
And then it wasn't until again I did more and

785
00:38:04.000 --> 00:38:04.840
more of this work with.

786
00:38:04.840 --> 00:38:07.360
Myself that I realized that I was still, even though

787
00:38:07.360 --> 00:38:10.760
I had changed my circumstances, I was still running this

788
00:38:10.800 --> 00:38:13.639
script that wasn't serving me, and I was still saying

789
00:38:13.679 --> 00:38:15.800
on the other side of this, there will be happiness,

790
00:38:15.800 --> 00:38:17.719
they will peace, that there will be joy. And then

791
00:38:17.760 --> 00:38:20.440
I just thought, Okay, well, why don't I just circumnavigate

792
00:38:20.480 --> 00:38:21.920
all of this and just go and do the thing

793
00:38:21.960 --> 00:38:24.320
that I want to do, which is coaching people, which

794
00:38:24.320 --> 00:38:26.079
is connecting people, which.

795
00:38:25.880 --> 00:38:28.719
Is kind of having them a more fulfilling and joyful

796
00:38:28.719 --> 00:38:29.519
life day to day.

797
00:38:30.119 --> 00:38:33.639
And so yes, I'm not asking people to, as I said,

798
00:38:33.719 --> 00:38:36.239
to come and do what I've done, but it's can

799
00:38:36.280 --> 00:38:38.400
you get more joy into your life now? Can you

800
00:38:38.440 --> 00:38:40.840
do more joyful things? Can you spend more time being

801
00:38:40.840 --> 00:38:43.039
silly with your kids? Can you go and let's do

802
00:38:43.159 --> 00:38:46.000
more spend more time playing racketball or squash with a friend.

803
00:38:46.519 --> 00:38:48.440
Can you go camping with your buddies. Can you go

804
00:38:48.480 --> 00:38:50.960
and do these things with your wife? Whatever the joyful

805
00:38:51.000 --> 00:38:53.639
thing is with you now, don't delay it. Don't make

806
00:38:53.639 --> 00:38:57.119
that agreement with yourself that it's somewhere distant in the future,

807
00:38:57.639 --> 00:38:59.800
because invariably there will be more steps to get there.

808
00:39:00.119 --> 00:39:02.800
You realize, Can you build that into your life now

809
00:39:02.840 --> 00:39:04.159
and live that now?

810
00:39:04.199 --> 00:39:07.559
Any stories that you can share that really show an

811
00:39:07.599 --> 00:39:13.079
amazing transformation of an individual without naming names, Yeah.

812
00:39:12.840 --> 00:39:15.119
Of course, I think there's so many transformations.

813
00:39:15.159 --> 00:39:17.719
I think I'm in the transformation business, right, So that's

814
00:39:18.559 --> 00:39:20.280
what we aim for every single day.

815
00:39:20.800 --> 00:39:21.480
But yeah, I.

816
00:39:21.519 --> 00:39:23.239
Think there's just I'll just talk about the ones that

817
00:39:23.280 --> 00:39:25.440
are reviews on my site or on Google or whatever,

818
00:39:25.440 --> 00:39:27.719
because I think obviously people have given permission for that.

819
00:39:28.119 --> 00:39:30.719
But there's one lady that when I met her, she

820
00:39:30.880 --> 00:39:36.360
wasn't my traditional client necessarily. She actually had had good

821
00:39:36.440 --> 00:39:38.280
success in a career middle management, etc.

822
00:39:38.639 --> 00:39:39.360
In marketing.

823
00:39:39.679 --> 00:39:43.480
But actually when I met her, she was quote unquote homeless, right,

824
00:39:43.599 --> 00:39:43.920
she was.

825
00:39:44.320 --> 00:39:45.239
She was moving from.

826
00:39:45.199 --> 00:39:47.960
House to house, trying to keep costs down, living in Amsterdam,

827
00:39:48.119 --> 00:39:52.360
quite unhappy, etc. And what we've done for her is

828
00:39:52.360 --> 00:39:55.880
she now lives in Valleice's probably not too far from you, etc.

829
00:39:56.400 --> 00:40:01.559
In terms of geographic in Asia, right, and she now

830
00:40:01.599 --> 00:40:03.719
does more fulfilling work on the side, she's a coach,

831
00:40:03.760 --> 00:40:06.159
she does work, but she's actually now on the precipice

832
00:40:06.159 --> 00:40:08.960
of then signing a six figure contract to go and

833
00:40:09.000 --> 00:40:11.039
work with a business. So for her to take her

834
00:40:11.079 --> 00:40:13.280
from where she was to where she is is a

835
00:40:13.360 --> 00:40:17.519
radical transformation. And we didn't do that just through defining

836
00:40:17.559 --> 00:40:19.639
a CV or defining her work. We did it again

837
00:40:19.719 --> 00:40:22.719
by understanding what was her joy, where was she living

838
00:40:22.800 --> 00:40:23.360
in reaction?

839
00:40:23.480 --> 00:40:25.639
What are the things that are holding her back? That

840
00:40:25.800 --> 00:40:26.280
sort of thing.

841
00:40:26.719 --> 00:40:29.239
I worked with another guy again, he's recently left a

842
00:40:29.280 --> 00:40:33.320
review for me. When we first started speaking, his apartment

843
00:40:33.320 --> 00:40:35.800
had actually been bombed because he lives in Israel, right,

844
00:40:35.840 --> 00:40:39.280
and he then has radically transformed his life. He's set

845
00:40:39.360 --> 00:40:42.760
up a business in Dubai's in accordance with the life

846
00:40:42.760 --> 00:40:45.079
that he wants to live. He's closer to his daughter,

847
00:40:45.199 --> 00:40:48.320
he's got a fantastic relationship with his wife, all of

848
00:40:48.320 --> 00:40:51.800
these sorts of things. And then another one a business owner.

849
00:40:52.159 --> 00:40:55.119
Her story was that business is hard, and so she

850
00:40:55.199 --> 00:40:57.880
was doing everything within her power to make the business

851
00:40:57.880 --> 00:41:00.280
that she was running as complicated as it could be.

852
00:41:01.679 --> 00:41:04.719
And so when we removed that story, not only did

853
00:41:04.760 --> 00:41:08.360
her business triple, but she also had far more ease

854
00:41:08.440 --> 00:41:10.719
in her life because it wasn't always about making it.

855
00:41:10.599 --> 00:41:12.280
As complicated as it could be.

856
00:41:12.480 --> 00:41:14.360
We pointed out all these areas that would make her

857
00:41:14.400 --> 00:41:17.159
life so much more simple, so much more easier for

858
00:41:17.239 --> 00:41:19.840
it to run. And so suddenly she got more time back,

859
00:41:19.920 --> 00:41:21.960
she got more opportunity to do the things that she

860
00:41:22.039 --> 00:41:26.159
wanted to do. And so, yeah, these are great transformations.

861
00:41:26.199 --> 00:41:28.519
But just to I a long answer, but just to

862
00:41:28.519 --> 00:41:31.599
add on the end, For me, these things are fantastic.

863
00:41:31.639 --> 00:41:35.400
These are remarkable transformations. But what I often am far

864
00:41:35.480 --> 00:41:36.800
more excited by is the.

865
00:41:36.840 --> 00:41:38.360
Ripple effect that people get.

866
00:41:38.440 --> 00:41:42.320
Right, It's not just the transformation for that person, it's

867
00:41:42.360 --> 00:41:45.880
the transformation for their spouse, for their partner, for their kids,

868
00:41:46.239 --> 00:41:49.159
for their teams, for their businesses, and so it goes

869
00:41:49.239 --> 00:41:52.760
far further than I could ever possibly see. But when

870
00:41:52.800 --> 00:41:55.239
they tell me that their wife is subjectively happier, when

871
00:41:55.280 --> 00:41:57.440
they tell me that they've had more connection with their kids,

872
00:41:57.679 --> 00:41:59.760
that's the real joy for me, because I know that

873
00:41:59.840 --> 00:42:02.519
not only have they changed their lives, but the lives

874
00:42:02.519 --> 00:42:04.519
of people around them that I perhaps will never meet

875
00:42:04.559 --> 00:42:05.800
has also changed as well.

876
00:42:06.239 --> 00:42:09.639
Oh and you know what, You've hit the main point

877
00:42:09.719 --> 00:42:13.000
I think is how often as we change, we start

878
00:42:13.039 --> 00:42:15.679
to make a difference in other people's lives, even if

879
00:42:15.679 --> 00:42:18.519
we're not doing it consciously. So as we come to

880
00:42:18.559 --> 00:42:20.480
an end, how do people find you?

881
00:42:20.960 --> 00:42:22.639
So the very easiest way is to just go to

882
00:42:22.679 --> 00:42:25.599
my website, So bendash Robbins dot com.

883
00:42:26.039 --> 00:42:27.199
You'll find my LinkedIn there.

884
00:42:27.280 --> 00:42:30.599
I write on LinkedIn daily and yeah, if you obviously

885
00:42:30.599 --> 00:42:31.719
want to get in contact, please do.

886
00:42:31.880 --> 00:42:35.039
But the easiest place for them is to find me

887
00:42:35.079 --> 00:42:35.880
on my website.

888
00:42:36.119 --> 00:42:38.960
Excellent. So, as we close, what would be kind of

889
00:42:39.000 --> 00:42:41.719
a final message that you'd like to share with the audience.

890
00:42:42.840 --> 00:42:45.199
I think the final message, Doug, is that you can

891
00:42:45.239 --> 00:42:48.119
find and reach your own version of winning, your version

892
00:42:48.159 --> 00:42:52.039
of success. Just because you've been told from society to

893
00:42:52.039 --> 00:42:54.079
live in accordance to a certain way, that doesn't mean

894
00:42:54.159 --> 00:42:54.599
that that.

895
00:42:54.599 --> 00:42:55.840
Has to be the way that you live.

896
00:42:56.440 --> 00:42:59.559
So chase down what you want, find that joy, find

897
00:42:59.559 --> 00:43:02.920
that piece, find that happiness in the moment today and

898
00:43:03.000 --> 00:43:05.280
if you want, we can help do that together so

899
00:43:05.360 --> 00:43:07.559
that you can live the life that you love today

900
00:43:08.000 --> 00:43:09.440
and not necessarily just tomorrow.

901
00:43:10.480 --> 00:43:13.480
Ben, Thank you so much. Is this has been a

902
00:43:13.480 --> 00:43:15.039
great conversation.

903
00:43:15.159 --> 00:43:17.800
Perfect Thank you very much do. I appreciate it.

904
00:43:17.840 --> 00:43:20.800
What a difference you're making, and I think you're insight

905
00:43:20.880 --> 00:43:24.159
about how we can change ourselves. We make such an

906
00:43:24.159 --> 00:43:26.679
impact on those around us that we can never even

907
00:43:26.760 --> 00:43:30.440
keep track of. So anyway, thanks so much, and folks,

908
00:43:30.519 --> 00:43:33.320
thanks for joining us. Hope you've enjoyed it. Look forward

909
00:43:33.360 --> 00:43:35.519
to having you join us again soon. This is doctor

910
00:43:35.559 --> 00:43:37.320
Doug saying now mis day