Sept. 16, 2025

Dean Sikes: You Matter—Hope & Suicide Prevention for Teens

Dean Sikes: You Matter—Hope & Suicide Prevention for Teens
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For Suicide Prevention Month, speaker Dean Sikes joins Dr. Doug to share his journey and core message to teens: you matter. After 4,300+ school events, he explains roots of hopelessness (trauma, social media), how parents can truly listen, and why mentoring saves lives. Practical hope, faith, and tools—including his book You Matter—to help one life at a time. https://www.youmatter.us/

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This program is designed to provide general information with regards

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to the subject matters covered. This information is given with

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the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station

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are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,

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legal counseling, professional service, or any advice.

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You should seek the services of.

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Competent professionals before applying or trying any suggested ideas.

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At the end of the day, it's not about what

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you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what

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you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up,

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who you've made better. It's about what you've given back.

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Denzel Washington, welcome to Inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is

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to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you

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to do the same.

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Dean, Welcome to the show. Hi, it's great to be

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with you. Thanks for this opportunity.

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Well, I'm really really I have you on the show today.

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I know that if I understand correctly, September is actually

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suicide prevention month.

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Is that correct? It is? This is a big, big

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month for what we do throughout throughout the year. Throughout

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the years. This is basically when the entire world turns

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its attention to just the subject of suicide and why

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it's such an important topic to discuss.

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Okay, what I'd love for you to do is kind

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of share your journey with the audience, your background and

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so forth, and what brought you to doing what you're doing,

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and your focus on suicide, because I know you really

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have a huge focus and are contributing tremendously.

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Is suicide prevention?

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Yeah? Well, I have been speaking predominantly in high schools

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throughout America and different parts of the world since January first,

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nineteen ninety three. I've spoken now over four thousand, three

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hundred events, and we have shared this message. It's a

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message that says God loves you, He's got a plan

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for your life, and because you're breathing, you matter. And

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we've shared it with literally millions of teenagers who come

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from all walks of life, every imaginable social class. And

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what makes our outreach a little different maybe is we

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never charge anyone anything. We freely comeing, just do what

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we believe we're called to do, and lots of doors

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open as a result of that. What began us in

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all this, you know, I grew up in a pretty standard,

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if you will, American home. Became a Christian at seven

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years old, but I had some defining moments in my

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life Doug that kind of changed my life at seven.

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I became a Christian at fifteen years old on a

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Wednesday afternoon, at three forty in the afternoon, unbeknownst to

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me that it was getting ready to happen. But I

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was sexually abused, and sixty seconds changed the trajectory of

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my life. At seventeen years old, I had made a

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vow that I would never tell anyone what had happened

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to me. At seventeen, I felled pe. Even though I

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played quarterback, tall tennis and played golf. I was plenty athletic.

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I wasn't going to change close in front of anyone.

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At eighteen and nineteen, my drug of choice was lying.

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I lied more than I ever told the truth because

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I didn't like me. And the second greatest commandment ever

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written is to love your neighbor as yourself. But if

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I don't love me, I can't love you. I can't

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give what I don't have. And so I was living

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this very non authentic life, trying to just create an

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image that people would like, because I was so terribly

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broken and insecure. That went on for but four years,

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and at twenty one I was through. I just had enough.

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The pressure was too much, the life was just not

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worth living in my mind. But I said a real

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simple prayer, one that I said, God, if you're real,

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and I don't think you are, but if you are,

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and you've have something for me to do, prove it.

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And I tell teenagers, don't ever ask the creative of

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the universe to ask to prove you that he's real

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unless you're ready. And two weeks later, I'm sitting in

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my office dialing a phone and as I'm dialing this

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phone off behind me to my left, I heard someone say,

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call mom. I swung around in my chair, saw no

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one but the hair on the back of my ears.

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New to call my mom, and I did. And when

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I called my mom, at that precise sense of that, I

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believe God spoke to me to do so. My mom

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was attempting suicide, she was dying, and I could hear

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the life leaving your body. I remember running out of

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that office, getting into my cart Interstate seventy five in

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the United States, and as I got to my parents home.

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From the outside end, everything looked fine. It was safe, secure,

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probably like where everyone's where people live. But from the

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inside out, my mom was dying. I see millions of

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teenagers and from the outside end they appeared to have

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it all together. But from the inside out there in

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their own private wars. That day, short version of this

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story is I got to do a hospital and as

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we're driving, she says, Dean, I can't be dying. I said, Mom,

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you're not going to die, but you're going to have

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to choose to live. And the most important wording that

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sentenced to me is not lived, it is choosed. Because

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choices create circumstances. And I got to a point where

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when I got to the hospital, the doctors threw me

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against the wall, rushed in the emergency room, and forty five

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minutes later, this er doctor walked over to my dad

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and said, there is no metal reason to tell you

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what I'm getting ready to tell you. It is a

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quote miracle of God. Your wife is fine, you can

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go see her. I heard miracle of God spoken by

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that doctor, and I was like, you've got to be

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kidding me. You're real. And that day I knew in

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my heart I didn't hear any more voice. But I

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had a leading that I was supposed to begin traveling

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and speaking. And it took several three or four years

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before I would ever find the path for myself, but

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I did. And so since then, it's been a constant

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message and messaging to high school teenagers, the prisons, to

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teen challenge centers, to churches, just a message where I

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go in and share my story and I unpacked this

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whole thing on why suicide cannot be the option that

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we choose. And I'll just say this, and I'll kind

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of just quiet down, but I've learned this that what

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you and I overcome oftentimes becomes our platform. And that

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is what happened to me.

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Amen to that, and you know, I found that to

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be so true, so true, And you know, that's quite

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a quite a fascinating story. And for you, you never

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considered suicide, Eve though I went through that whole thing.

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Never did I was, but I was. I was tired

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of living the life of being fa plastic and non authentic.

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I wanted real. And when I discovered that He is

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real and that he has a plan for my life,

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that's when I got real intentional about getting getting some

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help and moving forward in a healthier lifestyle.

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Okay, And you know, obviously we're talking theologically here. You're Christian.

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You know I have a firm belief also and the

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Savior and the Father. But I know a lot of

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the audience that may be listening may not have that

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type of faith. So as you're working with people, and

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with young people particularly who may not have that type

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of background of faith, how do you work with them

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and help How do we help the audience to understand

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that this is a general important topic and it's not

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necessarily that you have to have that faith, although there's

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no question that having that can make a big difference.

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Sure, And that's a great question what I share with

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audiences every time I speak, I begin, no matter where

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I am, with a very simple statement, and here it is,

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I'm not here to try to talk you into anything today.

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And here's why. If I could talk you into something today,

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somebody is so much better than me can talk you

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out of it tomorrow. The thing about truth, and I

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talk about it in my book, is truth is always truth.

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And I believe inborn into every human is a desire

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to connect with truth. And so when I talk about

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your life matters. I base it on sixteen words that

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are found in one Bible verse. It's in Job chapter

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thirty three, verse four, and it says this, the spirit

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of God made you, and the breath of the Almighty

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gives you life. Teenagers asks me, They go, well, Dean,

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you don't know me. You don't know what I've done,

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you don't know my background, you don't know my backstory,

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and yet you tell me with such confidence that I matter.

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What do you base that on? And I always just

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smile and go so happy you asked here it is

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you matter for one reason. It's not your last name.

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It's not how much money your parents make. It's not

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your athletic ability, your theatrical ability, you're academic look ability.

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All those are what kind of gives you. But what

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makes you special, What makes the truth that you do matter,

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is it comes down to one thing you're breathing. You

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were never God has never made a mistake. You were

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created on purpose, with purpose and for purpose. And whether

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people believe in this God that I'm talking about or not,

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the reality is they were created. They didn't just happen.

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They're here on purpose. And as a result, I just

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invite people into a discovery of their own that says,

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wait a minute, I am here, I am breathing, and

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as a result, there must be something for me to do.

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And so it's it's the most interesting. And there are

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a lot of people out there that Doug go, well,

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you know, you're you're oversimplifying this message, and I very

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simply and go, well, thank you for recognizing that I am.

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And that's that's very intentional on my part because it's

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a simple message.

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And you know, I think it's so important.

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As I've interviewed hundreds and hundreds of people on personal development,

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overcoming you know, suicide out type of things. The one

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thing that I recognize is that there is this concept,

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as you mentioned, that there has to be this identity.

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There needs to be an understanding that within us there

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is that light, there is that spirit, there is that godliness,

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whatever you want to call it. And even for those,

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as you say, that are not necessarily religious.

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Need to know that yet there is that life within you.

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And you know, so often our lives have become a

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story that we've told ourselves based on so many stories

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that we've been told by our parents and by religion

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and everything. And so here's one of the questions I

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have and I always love to get into this, you

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know the root cause? Now, I will tell you I've

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had three nephews that have committed suicide, and two of

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them were younger.

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One of them was actually a lot more mature and

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a lot older.

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And as I've looked at that, I wonder, you know,

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is what is the cause?

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Now?

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It's easy, if not easy, but you know, to find

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to talk about how do we get to the point

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where we don't consider suicide as one thing. But what

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I've recognized is that there may be some causes in

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general that lead someone to that thought process. As you've

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done this, have you found that there are some general

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categories or causes that can causes to happen.

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Yeah, you know, it's a couple of things to respond to. That.

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One is I've talked with a lot of students who've

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attempted but survived, and I've talked to a lot of

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parents who have buried their children, and a lot of times.

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Just recently, I was sitting with it with a family

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that I happened to know, and they reached out to

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me and their child had had ended his life, and

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I walked into their home and I walked in with

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just this kind of this feeling of I don't have

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to have answers for them today. I think they just

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need to be heard. So I'm just gonna sit and listen,

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and if I'm led to say something, I will. I

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remember I sat down and the dad was very angry,

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very angry. The mom was, you know, extremely emotional, but

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she was more of a she had it together. And

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they said, you know, there were just no signs. We

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didn't see any signs whatsoever. And a lot of times

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teenagers who've attempted in who have survived or said to me, Deane,

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it's like there's this hopelessness that just overtakes us. There's

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just no we see, no hope for our future. And

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they begin to talk about how in their mind they

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have this almost this dark, ominous, evil cloud that comes

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into their minds how they would describe it to me,

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and it becomes this overpowering, overshadowing portion of their mind.

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And then they hear this voice and it's always the

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wrong voice, and it's to end their life. As a Christian,

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I go back to Jesus came to give us life

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and life more abundantly. The Bible talks about how there

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was an appointed time for everyone to be born and

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to die. Well, my belief is those appointments I'm not

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in charge of, and God doesn't need my help on

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either side of them. And so the hopelessness is the

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biggest thing that we encounter in public schools, private schools,

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Christian schools, alternative schools. Young people who just say, I

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just don't see any track forward from me and for

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the life I want to live, and they literally buy

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this unimaginable evil lie. And it's always fast. Suicide, in

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my view, is the fastest depth that exists on the planet.

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Today, and it totally interrupts that plan of when they're

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to die. Yes, necessarily, you know, but here's for me,

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And you can correct me on this if you don't

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believe this, But I find that you know. And again

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I think the important thing and you kind of brought

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it up. We cannot blame anyone necessarily for those young

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people that commit suicide, and I think parents take such blame.

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I feel so guilty. What could I have done, I

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didn't see it, so on and so forth. But I

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will say that in one particular case that I'm aware of,

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I really believe that medication. I know that one of

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my nephews was struggling a little bit in school. I

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was encouraged to put them on a little bit of medication,

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and I happened to have a I've been studying this

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a lot, and I recognize that one medication goes to another,

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goes to another. And ultimately, when my one nephew passed away,

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he was on really an anti anxiety drug that six

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months later they realized that one of the side effects

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was suicide.

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Wow.

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And so I don't know if you get into that

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with parents at all, about being so careful about the

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medications that their children are put on and looking at

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alternate ways with learning disabilities. I know that I have

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one that has some learning disabilities and the school was saying,

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all right, we need to put him on Redlin.

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Or whatever, and I go, no way.

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And I happened to go to a workshop by a

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psychologist who was talking about this very thing, and he

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talked about the fact that in schools we teach one

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way and that's the only way, and yet our children

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have different ways of learning.

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The spacial thinkers.

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My son happened to be a spatial thinker, and we

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had some other issues that we've talked about now that

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he's much more mature, and and what I did in

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his case is I bought him upon pilot because he

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was very much a spatial thinker yep.

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And so well, what happened.

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He'd be in class and a bird would happen to

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fly on to the window and he'd look over there,

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and something would happen over here, and he'd look over

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there and you know, to the to the teacher, you know,

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you really need some help.

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You're adhd or whatever that happens to be.

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And so I bought him upon pilot and I I said, look,

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you take this to school and use this.

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And he focused on that and it made all the

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difference in the world for him.

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Now, I will say I had a few teachers come

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to me and seeing he's changing the channel on our

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TV while we're trying to try all But the bottom

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line is is that by giving him a focus, it

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made all the difference in the world.

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So do you talk about medications at all with parents.

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I don't.

304
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I usually do not get into that because that's just

305
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not I'm not trained in that way. I'm not educated

306
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in that way. I'm not against medication as long as

307
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it's the medication that's right for each individual child, you know,

308
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and that's that's a conversation between parents and doctors. So

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I don't ever really go into that world just because

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I'm just not trained in that world, and I happen

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to be against it.

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I happened to be against it because I saw the

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result in one of my nephews. So as you look

314
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at some of the root causes, what is creating this

315
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story within their minds of hopelessness.

316
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Well, one of the biggest things that we could talk

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about is the impact of social media globally on today's teenagers. Globally,

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every day in American around the world, five thousand, six

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hundred teenagers attempt to end their life five thousand, six

320
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hundred pre COVID it was five two hundred and forty

321
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in an arena that seeks twelve thousand people. That arena

322
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would fill up every two and a half days with

323
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teenagers who in the previous sixty hours bought to lie.

324
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So one of the things that I talk a lot

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about in schools with teenagers as it relates to social

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media is, for example, in our outreach in the last

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twenty five months, we've had one hundred and sixty three

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million views of our videos on social media. Well, I'm

329
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thankful for that. We know every high school i'd go into,

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teenagers come up and go, hey, I watch videos, and

331
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no matter where I am, it happens. And again, grateful

332
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for that. But notice I didn't say I'd count my likes.

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Here's the message that I share with parents, and because

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a lot of parents are own social and they're counting

335
00:16:57.320 --> 00:16:59.519
how many people like what I said today. If you're

336
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still your likes, you have no idea how much you're

337
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truly loved. Views are one thing. Teenagers today are trying

338
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to figure out, how can I get more likes? How

339
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can I get more retweets? How can I get more

340
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people following me? And they're using filters, they're changing this.

341
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They're just trying to fit in. And I have met

342
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a lot of students who either had dear friends in

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their life or attempted in their lives, or they've attempted

344
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because the peer pressure on social media to perform and

345
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to be accepted is off the charts. And in my view,

346
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social media was created to connect people, but it's become

347
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the most singular, isolating tool that the earth knows today.

348
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Well, and unfortunately social media is there's so much falsehood

349
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that's being generated as truth. I find it interesting as

350
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I'm listening and oftentimes to something and I go, wait

351
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a minute, that can't be true.

352
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So I'll immediately do the research.

353
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I'll go to Chadgie and say, okay, here's what's being

354
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said true, and no it's not true.

355
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And yet there are bald faced.

356
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Lies that are being told. And particularly with our youth here,

357
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they are being told something that they believe is true,

358
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which can so much affect their whole life and their

359
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whole thought process.

360
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Yeah, it's and the reality is they're trying to find

361
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their value based on something that may or not be true,

362
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like you're talking about. And and so my suggestion to

363
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teenagers is why don't we just be the the authentic

364
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version of who you truly are. And let's let's not

365
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worry about how many people are liking what we're doing

366
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or following us. Because you know, even with the number

367
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of people who follow us on social media, if I

368
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say stuffing they don't like, they can hit one button

369
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and I'm gone off. They're off their screens, off their

370
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off there. It's amazing to me and the average teenager.

371
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According to the Center for Disease Controls in Atlanta, Georgia,

372
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the average teenager today spent up to nine hours every

373
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day on his or her device. Nine hours. Wow. I

374
00:19:10.519 --> 00:19:12.920
grabbed my toe the other day with the TikTok and

375
00:19:12.960 --> 00:19:15.960
just started scrolling. Forty eight minutes later I looked up

376
00:19:16.039 --> 00:19:18.880
and I went, Wow, that was addictive. Those are forty

377
00:19:18.920 --> 00:19:21.720
eight minutes. How many never get back? Yeah, and they're

378
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doing up to nine hours a day. I mean that

379
00:19:25.680 --> 00:19:26.759
number just staggers me.

380
00:19:27.200 --> 00:19:30.000
Well, and there are some other issues also, because you

381
00:19:30.039 --> 00:19:32.400
look at that from social media, and there's no question

382
00:19:32.519 --> 00:19:34.039
that that's a major issue.

383
00:19:34.240 --> 00:19:36.480
But also what about.

384
00:19:36.160 --> 00:19:42.880
The imprints that these children receive unknowingly necessarily from parents,

385
00:19:43.480 --> 00:19:50.279
unknowingly or not necessarily unknowingly, from schools, from society, from religion,

386
00:19:50.319 --> 00:19:52.680
even which I think we have to be careful about

387
00:19:53.839 --> 00:19:56.279
to at the point where you know what, I'm not good,

388
00:19:56.480 --> 00:20:01.279
I'm not good enough. Do you address those issues at all?

389
00:20:01.720 --> 00:20:01.920
Yeah?

390
00:20:01.920 --> 00:20:03.680
I do talk about it from the stay I talk

391
00:20:03.720 --> 00:20:07.640
to parents about. You know, it's it's a very unhealthy

392
00:20:08.119 --> 00:20:11.240
process to try to remitigate your life to the life

393
00:20:11.279 --> 00:20:13.960
of your children. Meaning if you're trying to get your

394
00:20:14.039 --> 00:20:16.160
kid to play a certain sport because you did and

395
00:20:16.200 --> 00:20:18.599
you want to relive those glory days. And that kid

396
00:20:18.680 --> 00:20:21.000
is not interested in that sport. Yet you're pressuring them

397
00:20:21.000 --> 00:20:24.720
to perform. You're setting them up for epic failure. If

398
00:20:24.839 --> 00:20:26.720
you are trying to get them to become someone. Because

399
00:20:26.720 --> 00:20:30.440
here's here's what I've seen so often is that broken

400
00:20:30.559 --> 00:20:35.720
teenagers become broken adults, and brokenness attracts brokenness, and when

401
00:20:35.759 --> 00:20:39.880
two become one flesh and they recreate, they create brokenness

402
00:20:39.920 --> 00:20:43.799
until until there's healing that comes. And so a lot

403
00:20:43.839 --> 00:20:45.839
of students to me, come up to me and they'll go,

404
00:20:46.279 --> 00:20:48.240
you know, I just would love to be able to

405
00:20:48.279 --> 00:20:50.759
talk to my parents. I just don't know what to say.

406
00:20:50.839 --> 00:20:53.000
And I have so many parents say to me, I

407
00:20:53.039 --> 00:20:55.559
would love to talk to my teenagers. I don't know

408
00:20:55.559 --> 00:20:58.519
what to say to them. And again by suggesting what,

409
00:20:59.119 --> 00:21:01.640
let's turn the phone off, let's begin there, put your

410
00:21:01.640 --> 00:21:05.240
phone away and just try to have a conversation, because

411
00:21:05.240 --> 00:21:08.759
at the end of the day, teenagers still desperately, whether

412
00:21:08.759 --> 00:21:11.759
they realize it or not, are in desperate need at boundaries,

413
00:21:12.039 --> 00:21:13.920
and so many parents are trying to be their kid's

414
00:21:14.000 --> 00:21:16.920
best friend. Your teenager doesn't need to be your best

415
00:21:16.960 --> 00:21:21.000
friend at all. They need what you offer as a mom,

416
00:21:21.119 --> 00:21:23.440
a dad, or a father or a mother. There's a

417
00:21:23.440 --> 00:21:26.039
big difference. Dads give you what you want, but fathers

418
00:21:26.079 --> 00:21:30.000
give you what you need. And I'm seeing such a

419
00:21:30.039 --> 00:21:34.319
deficit in fatherhood where young people are like, wait, my

420
00:21:34.400 --> 00:21:37.880
dad's just never around. And for the parents listening to this,

421
00:21:38.440 --> 00:21:40.319
I can assure you, as someone who's done this for

422
00:21:40.319 --> 00:21:45.039
almost thirty four solid years, teenagers spell love t I M.

423
00:21:45.799 --> 00:21:46.839
They want your time.

424
00:21:47.000 --> 00:21:50.680
Well, and they want they want communication. And you know

425
00:21:50.759 --> 00:21:55.400
what surprises me as you say, you know, broken parents

426
00:21:55.400 --> 00:21:58.880
cause broken children oftentimes. And yeah, so you know we

427
00:21:59.200 --> 00:22:03.160
get into this whole issue of how do I how

428
00:22:03.200 --> 00:22:07.720
do I change myself first so that then I can

429
00:22:08.000 --> 00:22:11.440
be a positive influence for my children.

430
00:22:12.359 --> 00:22:15.200
Yeah, it's it comes first of all. I believe it

431
00:22:15.200 --> 00:22:19.039
comes down to first acknowledging something needs to change, something

432
00:22:19.079 --> 00:22:21.720
needs to be healed, something needs to be fixed for me.

433
00:22:22.359 --> 00:22:25.400
Interesting story I shared this from stage a lot. You know,

434
00:22:25.480 --> 00:22:27.160
I had made a vow when I was fifteen that

435
00:22:27.160 --> 00:22:29.559
I would never tell anyone I'd been sexually abused, and

436
00:22:29.599 --> 00:22:32.920
I maintained that vow For twenty two years, no one

437
00:22:32.960 --> 00:22:37.079
ever knew. Married with three kids, and my wife didn't know.

438
00:22:37.480 --> 00:22:39.640
But there was a day that she asked me to

439
00:22:39.680 --> 00:22:41.839
go to a place called home Depot, which is a

440
00:22:42.160 --> 00:22:46.559
massive you know, do it yourself. That's not me. I

441
00:22:46.640 --> 00:22:48.599
was lost as a goose in there. But I went

442
00:22:48.680 --> 00:22:51.799
down all twenty one and I turned right and I

443
00:22:52.079 --> 00:22:55.079
literally walked right into the person who twenty two years

444
00:22:55.119 --> 00:22:56.440
earlier had sexually abused me.

445
00:22:56.960 --> 00:22:57.400
Wow.

446
00:22:57.920 --> 00:23:00.720
I squeezed my kid's hands so tight that both screamed.

447
00:23:01.039 --> 00:23:03.920
I just froze. Keep in mind, if you and I

448
00:23:03.960 --> 00:23:07.200
do not deal with our emotions, our emotions will deal

449
00:23:07.240 --> 00:23:11.200
with us. They don't just magically disappear. I froze, squeezed

450
00:23:11.240 --> 00:23:14.200
their hands, turned around, walked it out, drove home. My

451
00:23:14.200 --> 00:23:15.759
wife looked to me when I got hunt you, what's wrong?

452
00:23:15.839 --> 00:23:17.640
I said, not right now. I'll give you a few minutes,

453
00:23:17.960 --> 00:23:20.440
put our kids to bed. An hour later, we went

454
00:23:20.440 --> 00:23:22.079
outside on our front porch and I said, I want

455
00:23:22.119 --> 00:23:23.599
to I don't want to tell you this, but I

456
00:23:23.640 --> 00:23:25.440
need to tell you this. I said, I've never had

457
00:23:25.480 --> 00:23:27.880
the guts to tell anybody, but twenty two years ago

458
00:23:27.920 --> 00:23:30.759
I was sexually abused, and today I ran into the person.

459
00:23:31.200 --> 00:23:34.160
My wife took two steps back, her eyes filled with tears.

460
00:23:34.160 --> 00:23:38.000
I'll never forget this, and she said, Dean, everything makes sense.

461
00:23:38.079 --> 00:23:41.079
Now we've got to get you some help. And I

462
00:23:41.160 --> 00:23:44.359
share that to say, oftentimes we just bury the pain,

463
00:23:44.480 --> 00:23:47.640
we bury the whatever, We bury the incident, we bury

464
00:23:47.799 --> 00:23:50.839
the experience, thinking it's just going to go away. But

465
00:23:50.920 --> 00:23:53.759
yet suddenly when they were going somewhere and somebody cuts

466
00:23:53.799 --> 00:23:55.200
in front of us in our vehicle, and we get

467
00:23:55.240 --> 00:23:57.920
so angry. We're not angry that somebody cut in front

468
00:23:57.960 --> 00:24:00.920
of us. That's a secondary emotion. That anger is being

469
00:24:00.960 --> 00:24:04.640
driven by something much deeper. Something triggered that. And so

470
00:24:05.680 --> 00:24:11.119
for me, I was invited into a Christian based counseling

471
00:24:11.599 --> 00:24:15.279
appointment excuse me, and I didn't want to go. I

472
00:24:15.319 --> 00:24:17.319
had a lot of pride and I thought, I don't

473
00:24:17.319 --> 00:24:19.279
need this. This guy's not gonna help me. And my

474
00:24:19.359 --> 00:24:22.279
wife said, if you were diagnosed with a sickness, would

475
00:24:22.319 --> 00:24:24.480
you go to a doctor? I said, well, sure, she

476
00:24:24.599 --> 00:24:27.440
goes no different, you're going. And so I went. And

477
00:24:27.480 --> 00:24:29.720
there was this ninety second stare off. But this gentleman

478
00:24:29.759 --> 00:24:32.519
looked at me. I looked at him, and I knew

479
00:24:32.640 --> 00:24:35.799
this guy did not need me. I needed him and that.

480
00:24:36.359 --> 00:24:37.799
I said, what would it look like if you and

481
00:24:37.799 --> 00:24:39.480
I were to do that? He said, it'd be a conversation.

482
00:24:39.839 --> 00:24:41.359
He said, I don't want to talk about your outreach.

483
00:24:41.359 --> 00:24:42.759
I don't want to talk about the people you reach.

484
00:24:42.799 --> 00:24:44.720
I don't want to talk about all the books you've written.

485
00:24:44.720 --> 00:24:47.359
I don't want none of that. I'm interested in you.

486
00:24:47.440 --> 00:24:50.279
And for me, that was something new that somebody was

487
00:24:50.279 --> 00:24:53.200
really just interested in me. I said, okay, let's begin.

488
00:24:53.279 --> 00:24:54.960
That conversation lasted eleven years.

489
00:24:55.279 --> 00:24:55.759
Wow.

490
00:24:56.079 --> 00:24:58.119
Well, during those eleven years, I was asked a question

491
00:24:58.160 --> 00:25:00.079
that this is kind of where I was going. The

492
00:25:00.119 --> 00:25:04.279
question was this, will you forgive the person who abused

493
00:25:04.279 --> 00:25:07.559
you when you were fifteen? My immediate response, as a Christian, no,

494
00:25:07.839 --> 00:25:10.599
not even Maybe They were like why, I said, it's

495
00:25:10.640 --> 00:25:13.440
not fair. I did nothing wrong. This question was imposed,

496
00:25:13.440 --> 00:25:16.160
what was the cross? Fair? Meaning the cross that Jesus

497
00:25:16.200 --> 00:25:19.279
was kungo. I just kind of just froze, kind of said,

498
00:25:19.680 --> 00:25:21.839
I'll get back to you two about three or four days.

499
00:25:22.640 --> 00:25:26.000
But I did not go to the person, but I

500
00:25:26.079 --> 00:25:28.039
did forgive, and I would love to tell you that

501
00:25:28.079 --> 00:25:30.440
everything changed in that moment, but I felt nothing different.

502
00:25:30.440 --> 00:25:34.079
But you know, faith isn't about feelings, It's about obedience.

503
00:25:34.440 --> 00:25:36.559
And I just forgave and I did it in a

504
00:25:36.680 --> 00:25:39.440
very sincere way. And it wasn't long thereafter. I woke

505
00:25:39.519 --> 00:25:43.079
up one morning and I experienced what forgiveness does? It

506
00:25:43.200 --> 00:25:46.160
sets us free? That person who sactually abused me could

507
00:25:46.160 --> 00:25:48.480
walk into an arena when I'm speaking, there's fifteen thousand

508
00:25:48.519 --> 00:25:50.920
teenagers there, could walk down to the front of that arena,

509
00:25:50.960 --> 00:25:53.480
sit on the front road, look directly, and it wouldn't

510
00:25:53.480 --> 00:25:56.160
phaze me in the least because I truly am free.

511
00:25:56.440 --> 00:25:58.160
And again I go back to what you and I

512
00:25:58.240 --> 00:26:01.880
overcome becomes our platform. You know, for me, I was

513
00:26:01.920 --> 00:26:05.799
sexually abused. I was emotionally abandoned by my mom when

514
00:26:05.839 --> 00:26:08.079
I was four and a half five years old. I

515
00:26:08.640 --> 00:26:12.200
was rejected by people. I was bullied. I didn't think

516
00:26:12.200 --> 00:26:14.119
that my life mattered. I didn't feel like I was

517
00:26:14.880 --> 00:26:18.480
anything special, and yet I was so arrogantly confident because

518
00:26:18.480 --> 00:26:20.519
it was a false sense of confidence on the outside.

519
00:26:21.039 --> 00:26:24.559
All of that, somehow I was able to kind of

520
00:26:24.559 --> 00:26:27.799
get through became the platform of my life. And now

521
00:26:27.839 --> 00:26:30.519
all I'll talk about is how your life matters well.

522
00:26:30.519 --> 00:26:33.359
And you know what's interesting, and we talked about it

523
00:26:33.400 --> 00:26:36.920
at the very beginning that so often, you know, parents

524
00:26:36.960 --> 00:26:40.440
will blame themselves. And as we're talking, we're talking about

525
00:26:40.519 --> 00:26:43.519
the fact that you know, if you are troubled as

526
00:26:43.559 --> 00:26:47.200
a parent and have never really done that self development

527
00:26:47.319 --> 00:26:52.160
and whatever, that can necessarily fall onto your children too.

528
00:26:52.359 --> 00:26:54.880
And yet I think we need to understand that this

529
00:26:54.960 --> 00:26:55.480
is life.

530
00:26:55.880 --> 00:26:59.119
We are who we are, and we all experience these things,

531
00:26:59.640 --> 00:27:04.799
and oftentimes it has nothing to do with responsibility. You know,

532
00:27:04.880 --> 00:27:08.079
what happened to you was not your responsibility. What's happened

533
00:27:08.119 --> 00:27:11.000
to me in my life at least, you know, the

534
00:27:11.400 --> 00:27:15.359
things that I could not control, I couldn't control. And

535
00:27:16.240 --> 00:27:19.279
so when you're working with peasant parents, there's there's two

536
00:27:19.319 --> 00:27:21.400
things I want you to focus on for a minute.

537
00:27:21.839 --> 00:27:25.880
One is how do they how do they learn to

538
00:27:26.480 --> 00:27:30.680
overcome their own personal issues. It's interesting that your wife

539
00:27:30.720 --> 00:27:34.279
was so aware but didn't know why, and potentially I

540
00:27:34.319 --> 00:27:37.079
don't know how it was affecting your kids. But you know,

541
00:27:37.200 --> 00:27:39.880
I look at my child. I've got four kids, and

542
00:27:40.039 --> 00:27:43.599
there's no question And we laugh about it now because

543
00:27:43.599 --> 00:27:47.680
we did develop communication, really open communication, but we laugh

544
00:27:47.720 --> 00:27:50.880
about the fact that, you know how I influence them

545
00:27:50.960 --> 00:27:54.680
sometimes oftentimes for the good, and they really appreciate that,

546
00:27:54.759 --> 00:27:57.559
and sometimes it's like they travel a little bit with that.

547
00:27:57.759 --> 00:28:01.359
So as you work with parents, how do you help

548
00:28:01.440 --> 00:28:07.880
them number one, to really recognize that their own personal

549
00:28:07.960 --> 00:28:12.920
challenges are affecting their children and that for the good

550
00:28:13.119 --> 00:28:16.920
of not only themselves but their children, doing that self

551
00:28:16.960 --> 00:28:20.119
work such as you did, really will make a difference.

552
00:28:20.599 --> 00:28:26.559
Number two, Learning the art of communication and conversation so

553
00:28:26.680 --> 00:28:29.559
that those children who really do need to talk to

554
00:28:29.599 --> 00:28:34.240
someone will feel comfortable enough to be able to talk

555
00:28:34.279 --> 00:28:37.920
to their parents. And number three number three, I do

556
00:28:38.000 --> 00:28:40.880
this all the time. Number three, how do you help

557
00:28:40.920 --> 00:28:45.720
parents to get away from their guilt that they impose

558
00:28:45.759 --> 00:28:48.480
on themselves if they have had a child who has

559
00:28:48.519 --> 00:28:49.559
committed suicide?

560
00:28:49.960 --> 00:28:56.000
Yeah, So the number two question, the communication is so important.

561
00:28:57.279 --> 00:29:01.240
I growing up with our family, my wife had this

562
00:29:01.319 --> 00:29:02.880
idea and it was it was kind of a It

563
00:29:03.000 --> 00:29:05.519
just worked. We did what we call high low. What

564
00:29:05.559 --> 00:29:07.640
was your high today? What was your load to day?

565
00:29:08.000 --> 00:29:09.960
I've learned that if we can, if we can invite

566
00:29:10.079 --> 00:29:13.799
young people into conversations by leading with questions, you know,

567
00:29:13.920 --> 00:29:15.680
what was it like today. What made that your high

568
00:29:15.680 --> 00:29:18.200
today or what wead is notious? It was what was

569
00:29:18.200 --> 00:29:20.160
your load to day? And why what happened in there?

570
00:29:20.440 --> 00:29:24.160
Because teenagers want to be heard and they need to

571
00:29:24.160 --> 00:29:27.160
be seen, so that that's that's one thing. So the

572
00:29:27.160 --> 00:29:29.720
lines of communication, even if you feel like you're not

573
00:29:29.799 --> 00:29:33.400
doing it well, just keep showing up. Just keep showing up.

574
00:29:33.680 --> 00:29:36.799
With regards to parents who have who have lost a

575
00:29:36.880 --> 00:29:39.799
child to suicide, it and the guilt, I mean, first

576
00:29:39.839 --> 00:29:42.960
of all, no one knows what you feel. No one

577
00:29:43.200 --> 00:29:45.880
even someone who's experienced it in their own version that

578
00:29:45.920 --> 00:29:48.359
they don't know what you feel. And I think there's

579
00:29:48.400 --> 00:29:51.720
a place in a space there to just embrace the

580
00:29:51.839 --> 00:29:54.880
truth that you know what, as bad as it is,

581
00:29:55.759 --> 00:29:59.720
you can't take the responsibility for it. Even I've talked

582
00:29:59.720 --> 00:30:01.559
to some parents who are like, you know, I just

583
00:30:01.640 --> 00:30:04.359
wasn't a very good parent. I pushed my child so hard.

584
00:30:05.039 --> 00:30:08.480
As as remedial as this sounds, this is what I

585
00:30:08.480 --> 00:30:12.440
share with people. Yesterday ended last night, and mul's not

586
00:30:12.519 --> 00:30:15.279
promised to anyone. So we've been given this gift called

587
00:30:15.319 --> 00:30:18.559
today again as a Christian and that's where I come

588
00:30:18.599 --> 00:30:21.920
from it in my perspective. I believe that there is eternity.

589
00:30:22.359 --> 00:30:25.400
I believe that you will die and go either to

590
00:30:25.440 --> 00:30:28.279
heaven or hell. That's what I believe. Well, I believe

591
00:30:28.279 --> 00:30:32.240
there's a lot of people who've experienced suicide who were Christians.

592
00:30:32.440 --> 00:30:34.599
I believe those people are in heaven today. I just

593
00:30:34.640 --> 00:30:38.880
believe that. And I believe that if we can unpack

594
00:30:39.359 --> 00:30:42.240
the pain and not be afraid of the pain, but

595
00:30:42.400 --> 00:30:45.240
go you know what is this has happened, It's real.

596
00:30:45.759 --> 00:30:48.319
It can control the rest of your life, or it

597
00:30:48.359 --> 00:30:51.240
can define the rest of your life. Pain seeks pleasure.

598
00:30:52.319 --> 00:30:54.720
If you see people who've really been through painful and

599
00:30:54.839 --> 00:30:58.079
just unimaginable painful situations, a lot of times they end

600
00:30:58.160 --> 00:31:00.640
up in addiction at some point because they're trying to

601
00:31:00.640 --> 00:31:03.200
just numb out. They're trying to anethesize. Now, they're not

602
00:31:03.279 --> 00:31:06.880
bad people, they're just hurting and they're trying to figure out,

603
00:31:06.920 --> 00:31:08.519
how can I get through the next you know, not

604
00:31:08.519 --> 00:31:10.720
the next day, the next twenty minutes, the next two minutes.

605
00:31:11.519 --> 00:31:15.119
So my thing when talking to parents is don't I

606
00:31:15.160 --> 00:31:17.640
don't have all the answers. I'm not gonna The most

607
00:31:17.680 --> 00:31:20.480
honest answer I give people is simply, I just don't know.

608
00:31:20.680 --> 00:31:22.319
I don't know why this happened to your son or

609
00:31:22.359 --> 00:31:25.359
your daughter. I don't have the answers for that. But

610
00:31:25.440 --> 00:31:27.359
I know that you're still here, and I know that

611
00:31:27.400 --> 00:31:30.119
you're still breathing, and I know that there's something for

612
00:31:30.240 --> 00:31:32.799
you to do, And how can you take this pain

613
00:31:32.839 --> 00:31:35.720
and turn it into purpose? What was your first question?

614
00:31:35.759 --> 00:31:38.279
There al those three place The first one's left me.

615
00:31:38.799 --> 00:31:40.799
Really helping the parents themselves.

616
00:31:41.200 --> 00:31:46.039
Yeah, yeah, first recognitions have to battle, you know. I

617
00:31:46.079 --> 00:31:48.559
had to recognize that I was broken, and then I

618
00:31:48.599 --> 00:31:50.880
had to unpack why was I broken? And then I

619
00:31:50.920 --> 00:31:54.000
had to unpack from that what was that brokenness creating

620
00:31:54.039 --> 00:31:56.599
in my life? How was I being a husband? How

621
00:31:56.680 --> 00:31:59.480
was I being a father? How was I being a speaker?

622
00:32:00.200 --> 00:32:03.079
Was I as an employer? I mean, all these different

623
00:32:03.079 --> 00:32:06.680
tentacles coming out of this one thing that would literally

624
00:32:06.759 --> 00:32:10.400
just dictate my life. Why did I like certain things?

625
00:32:10.440 --> 00:32:12.160
Did it? Did it feed a part of my ego

626
00:32:12.200 --> 00:32:17.119
that was unhealthy? I mean, it's truly an introspective, diagnostic

627
00:32:17.240 --> 00:32:19.799
look at our lives and going, if we're going to

628
00:32:19.880 --> 00:32:22.200
do this, let's let's do it in real time. Let's

629
00:32:22.279 --> 00:32:25.920
let's be real with ourselves. Let's be honest, because when

630
00:32:25.920 --> 00:32:27.960
we do that and we're not afraid of what we're

631
00:32:27.960 --> 00:32:30.920
going to find and discover, that puts us on a path,

632
00:32:30.960 --> 00:32:34.559
in my view, where we can then begin to see

633
00:32:34.599 --> 00:32:37.599
the healing process begin. We can see those those that

634
00:32:37.759 --> 00:32:40.920
healing come in. And here's what I've learned. When we

635
00:32:40.960 --> 00:32:44.319
are truly healed, it's noticeable. I've had people in my

636
00:32:44.400 --> 00:32:45.960
life that I've known for a long time to come

637
00:32:46.039 --> 00:32:48.400
to me and go I had someone in my family

638
00:32:48.480 --> 00:32:50.039
not read not long ago, who was at an event

639
00:32:50.039 --> 00:32:52.119
where I was speaking. They came up to me afterwards

640
00:32:52.160 --> 00:32:55.680
and they were like, I don't know what's changed, but man,

641
00:32:56.319 --> 00:32:59.920
this message I mean, it is It's unlike any other

642
00:33:00.039 --> 00:33:01.759
time I've ever heard you speak. And this person's been

643
00:33:01.759 --> 00:33:04.680
around for thirty years. And I was like, well, here's

644
00:33:04.759 --> 00:33:08.400
here's what's changed me. I realized I needed some things

645
00:33:08.440 --> 00:33:11.599
fixed in my life, and I'm not I'm not I'm

646
00:33:11.640 --> 00:33:13.680
not opposed to getting some help. I'm not opposed to

647
00:33:13.720 --> 00:33:16.279
digging down deep and going what needs to be fixed.

648
00:33:16.440 --> 00:33:19.079
And if we're honest with ourselves, none of us are perfect.

649
00:33:19.119 --> 00:33:22.319
We're all broken people, we all have issues. Why run

650
00:33:22.359 --> 00:33:25.599
from them, embrace what it is, believe for a way

651
00:33:25.599 --> 00:33:27.519
to fix it, and then move forward.

652
00:33:27.920 --> 00:33:29.960
Well amen to that, you know, and you you said

653
00:33:30.000 --> 00:33:34.400
something that really triggered me a little bit with the thought.

654
00:33:35.720 --> 00:33:40.359
You know, you talk about mainstream Christianity, heaven and hell

655
00:33:40.440 --> 00:33:44.240
and so forth. As I've studied, it was interesting since

656
00:33:44.240 --> 00:33:46.640
I'm in Thailand, you know, I've been fascinated by the

657
00:33:46.720 --> 00:33:49.680
different lots of these religions, whatever you want.

658
00:33:49.480 --> 00:33:49.960
To call them.

659
00:33:50.319 --> 00:33:53.799
And it was interesting here in Buddhism that here you

660
00:33:53.880 --> 00:33:58.039
have the original teachings and now it has moved into

661
00:33:58.279 --> 00:34:02.640
probably five or six different types of sex that believe

662
00:34:02.880 --> 00:34:07.200
and teach different things that have kind of been created

663
00:34:07.200 --> 00:34:13.559
by man's concept and interpretation. In Christianity, look how many

664
00:34:14.280 --> 00:34:17.880
churches and philosophies exist, you know.

665
00:34:18.639 --> 00:34:19.840
And as you talked.

666
00:34:19.639 --> 00:34:21.679
About that, and I think that one of the things

667
00:34:22.039 --> 00:34:24.639
and I talk about this is trying to be kind

668
00:34:25.119 --> 00:34:30.840
but recognizing that, you know what, sometimes religion has created

669
00:34:30.920 --> 00:34:34.000
the very issues we're trying to get out of. For instance,

670
00:34:34.360 --> 00:34:37.519
for those that believe that were born in original sin.

671
00:34:38.039 --> 00:34:41.880
I don't happen to believe that, okay, but some do. Well,

672
00:34:42.119 --> 00:34:47.119
what does that do when someone listens to the scripture

673
00:34:47.159 --> 00:34:50.119
be there for perfect Well, how can I be that

674
00:34:50.559 --> 00:34:53.639
when they don't recognize that that has been misinterpreted from

675
00:34:53.679 --> 00:34:59.760
the original meanings. You've got that when we talk about,

676
00:35:00.199 --> 00:35:04.719
you know, committing suicide and oh my goodness, they're not

677
00:35:04.800 --> 00:35:07.440
going to heaven, they're going to hell. Well, guess what

678
00:35:07.880 --> 00:35:10.639
When Christ was on the cross and that that guy

679
00:35:10.719 --> 00:35:14.559
next to him, who literally was a criminal, yep, what

680
00:35:14.679 --> 00:35:16.079
did what did Christ say to him?

681
00:35:16.400 --> 00:35:17.559
I'll see you later on the day.

682
00:35:17.960 --> 00:35:20.119
He said, You'll be with me in paradise.

683
00:35:20.679 --> 00:35:20.880
Yep.

684
00:35:21.199 --> 00:35:23.039
All right, So here's the question.

685
00:35:23.599 --> 00:35:27.519
When he came back and was resurrected and saw Mary,

686
00:35:28.039 --> 00:35:29.039
what did he say to her?

687
00:35:29.519 --> 00:35:30.880
Go and tell my disciples?

688
00:35:31.119 --> 00:35:32.559
No, he said, touch me not?

689
00:35:32.960 --> 00:35:34.599
Why? Oh why?

690
00:35:35.159 --> 00:35:37.599
Because I've not been to I've not been to Heaven yet.

691
00:35:38.039 --> 00:35:40.199
I've not been to my father in heaven.

692
00:35:40.800 --> 00:35:44.039
So all of a sudden, we can recognize that, you

693
00:35:44.079 --> 00:35:46.039
know what, it isn't just heaven or Hell.

694
00:35:46.639 --> 00:35:48.440
Let's open our minds up a little bit.

695
00:35:48.360 --> 00:35:51.599
And realize that, you know, there's there's something that he

696
00:35:51.639 --> 00:35:55.000
referred to as paradise that is a step.

697
00:35:54.880 --> 00:35:56.519
Before heaven and Hell.

698
00:35:57.159 --> 00:36:00.599
And as we recognize that, and as we regie that

699
00:36:00.679 --> 00:36:06.280
even that criminal was there with Christ in paradise. Why

700
00:36:06.280 --> 00:36:11.239
can't we understand that our children, those that have committed

701
00:36:11.280 --> 00:36:16.519
suicide for whatever reason beyond necessarily their control, are going

702
00:36:16.599 --> 00:36:20.159
to be in a location where they could be and

703
00:36:20.320 --> 00:36:24.119
influenced by that goodness of the Savior. And it has

704
00:36:24.159 --> 00:36:27.280
nothing to do with heaven and hell. So it's interesting,

705
00:36:27.480 --> 00:36:29.760
I think, for people to understand that there are all

706
00:36:29.960 --> 00:36:34.639
different types of thoughts, processes, and beliefs and interpretation. But

707
00:36:34.800 --> 00:36:37.559
if we move away from some of this just you know,

708
00:36:37.679 --> 00:36:40.599
black and white, that we can give them hope.

709
00:36:40.760 --> 00:36:42.679
Well, and I think that's I think that's the word

710
00:36:42.880 --> 00:36:46.159
that really encapsulates what our mission is all about, is

711
00:36:46.519 --> 00:36:49.840
bringing what I call the intangible asset of hope into

712
00:36:49.880 --> 00:36:53.000
the lives of people who and all of who among

713
00:36:53.039 --> 00:36:55.840
us does not need more hope. I mean it's again,

714
00:36:55.920 --> 00:36:59.960
the simplicity of our message is just that. And you know,

715
00:37:00.000 --> 00:37:02.760
well it's to me. I look at all of these

716
00:37:02.800 --> 00:37:05.159
students that we get to talk with, and I see

717
00:37:05.480 --> 00:37:07.880
they tell me their stories. I mean people say, well,

718
00:37:07.880 --> 00:37:10.199
why does students? Why do they tell you these things?

719
00:37:10.280 --> 00:37:12.800
And I have story after I mean, the hundreds of

720
00:37:12.840 --> 00:37:15.760
stories of students who share their stories, their testimonies, and

721
00:37:15.800 --> 00:37:17.760
I always just kind of smaller girl. I'm the safest

722
00:37:17.760 --> 00:37:19.760
guy they're ever going to talk to, because they know

723
00:37:19.880 --> 00:37:22.320
I'm leaving in thirty minutes an hour and I'll probably

724
00:37:22.360 --> 00:37:26.480
never see them again. So they just unpack these unimaginably

725
00:37:26.519 --> 00:37:30.360
painful stories of things that they have experienced. Why, because

726
00:37:30.719 --> 00:37:35.000
everybody needs somebody with whom they can communicate, they can share,

727
00:37:35.360 --> 00:37:38.760
They need to empty out. They're looking for that, And

728
00:37:38.800 --> 00:37:43.039
that's why parenting is so important. I mean, you've got

729
00:37:43.039 --> 00:37:46.840
to be able as a parent to have the tough conversations.

730
00:37:47.159 --> 00:37:49.159
But there's a reason we were created with two eyes,

731
00:37:49.199 --> 00:37:51.599
two ears in one mouth. I believe we're supposed to

732
00:37:51.639 --> 00:37:54.639
watch and listen twice as much as we speak, and

733
00:37:54.719 --> 00:37:57.639
therein I believe lies the kid to effective communication.

734
00:37:58.320 --> 00:38:01.320
Well, and one thing that you did, which I think

735
00:38:01.440 --> 00:38:04.199
is so essential. You know, so often we want our

736
00:38:04.280 --> 00:38:08.000
children to be transparent, but how can they trust us

737
00:38:08.039 --> 00:38:12.679
to be transparent until we are transparent with them. And

738
00:38:12.239 --> 00:38:16.280
when you finally told your wife your experiences as a

739
00:38:16.320 --> 00:38:20.960
young person, that transparency, as you say, open the path

740
00:38:21.400 --> 00:38:25.119
and forgiveness the ultimate freedom for you. And I think

741
00:38:25.119 --> 00:38:28.679
it's important for parents to understand that if you want

742
00:38:28.719 --> 00:38:32.000
your children to be transparent, what's wrong with sitting down

743
00:38:32.000 --> 00:38:36.599
and saying, hey, son or daughter, I totally get what's

744
00:38:36.639 --> 00:38:39.159
going on here, because here's some of the experiences I've

745
00:38:39.159 --> 00:38:42.079
had in my life and be transparent. And the minute

746
00:38:42.079 --> 00:38:45.599
that that child sees that you're willing to share with them,

747
00:38:45.719 --> 00:38:49.000
doesn't that create a willingness and a trust within them

748
00:38:49.159 --> 00:38:50.280
to share with you.

749
00:38:50.880 --> 00:38:54.760
Absolutely, It's like that everything is a seed. I believe

750
00:38:54.840 --> 00:38:57.880
that produces a harvest. Good seeds produce good harvest, Bad

751
00:38:57.920 --> 00:39:01.480
seeds bad harvest. If I so of being transparent with

752
00:39:01.519 --> 00:39:03.960
my kids, who are all adults, now, you know the

753
00:39:04.079 --> 00:39:06.920
growing up, I learned that if I would, if I

754
00:39:06.960 --> 00:39:10.159
messed up in a big way or a small way,

755
00:39:10.559 --> 00:39:13.920
if if I was unkind with my words toward my wife,

756
00:39:14.000 --> 00:39:15.840
or to my kids, or to one of our dogs,

757
00:39:16.280 --> 00:39:18.920
my responsibility was to immediate, Wait a minute, hey, guys,

758
00:39:18.960 --> 00:39:20.760
you know what I was wrong? Right then? I missed it.

759
00:39:20.840 --> 00:39:22.719
I should never have said that, or I shouldn't have

760
00:39:22.719 --> 00:39:24.440
said it in that tone. And I just want you

761
00:39:24.480 --> 00:39:26.679
to know I was wrong, and I apologize to you.

762
00:39:27.360 --> 00:39:29.719
Our kids grew up in that kind of an environment. Now,

763
00:39:30.199 --> 00:39:33.639
had I not come to the end of myself gotten

764
00:39:33.719 --> 00:39:36.320
some serious help, I wouldn't have known to have done that.

765
00:39:36.519 --> 00:39:37.760
I would have just gone, well, you know, it's just

766
00:39:37.800 --> 00:39:40.280
the way it is lifestyle. I mean, how many especially

767
00:39:40.360 --> 00:39:42.960
fathers are out there going, well, you know, I do

768
00:39:43.039 --> 00:39:44.840
this and I do that and blah blah, you know,

769
00:39:44.880 --> 00:39:46.719
and it's just gonna be my way or the highway.

770
00:39:47.039 --> 00:39:50.599
That doesn't win anyone. It pushes people away. Teen Agers

771
00:39:50.599 --> 00:39:55.400
are looking for the real thing. They won't genuine authenticity

772
00:39:55.480 --> 00:39:58.480
across all platforms, and they can smell it, and they

773
00:39:58.519 --> 00:40:00.960
can spot it when they see it, and they can

774
00:40:01.039 --> 00:40:02.840
smell it, and they can spot it when they don't.

775
00:40:02.880 --> 00:40:05.480
I've seen I've been at a conference where I was

776
00:40:05.519 --> 00:40:08.000
one of the speakers, and it doesn't matter who it was.

777
00:40:08.119 --> 00:40:10.800
There was a well known speaker enough to speak, and

778
00:40:10.840 --> 00:40:15.239
he tried so hard to relate to those teenagers. They

779
00:40:15.280 --> 00:40:17.639
shut him down so fast. I mean it was it

780
00:40:17.679 --> 00:40:20.480
was brutal. They weren't they weren't anywhere near him. And

781
00:40:20.559 --> 00:40:22.920
yet I talked to the same audience. Not that I'm

782
00:40:22.960 --> 00:40:25.920
such a great speaker, I'm just authentic, I'm just real.

783
00:40:26.400 --> 00:40:28.480
People go why are you just so real? Because for

784
00:40:28.519 --> 00:40:31.679
so long I was so plastic and fake. I for

785
00:40:31.719 --> 00:40:34.039
so long I wasn't And I just got to the

786
00:40:34.039 --> 00:40:36.199
point where I was like, can I tell him? I

787
00:40:36.280 --> 00:40:37.679
show up in a button down shirt and a pair

788
00:40:37.719 --> 00:40:39.360
of kaki pants. They got a microphone in this hand,

789
00:40:39.360 --> 00:40:41.159
a bottle of water in this hand. I'm like, you

790
00:40:41.199 --> 00:40:43.119
know what, I'm just gonna talk with you for thirty

791
00:40:43.199 --> 00:40:45.039
or forty minutes and I hope you get something out

792
00:40:45.079 --> 00:40:47.639
of it. But if you don't, I apologize, But I'm

793
00:40:47.679 --> 00:40:49.000
just going to give you what I got. I'm just

794
00:40:49.000 --> 00:40:52.239
gonna be me. Every single school we've been in, everyone

795
00:40:52.320 --> 00:40:56.960
without without fail, we can go back into because the principles,

796
00:40:57.000 --> 00:41:00.400
the teachers, the students embrace the message. And I saw

797
00:41:00.440 --> 00:41:02.840
that I wasn't. I'm not trying like I told you earlier.

798
00:41:03.039 --> 00:41:04.719
I'm not trying to talk to people into believe in

799
00:41:04.760 --> 00:41:06.920
something that I believe. I'm just trying to get people

800
00:41:06.960 --> 00:41:08.960
to have hope that there's a better future.

801
00:41:09.199 --> 00:41:11.760
Well, and you know, as we're running out of time,

802
00:41:11.800 --> 00:41:12.679
I wish we had more time.

803
00:41:12.719 --> 00:41:15.800
We could go on for another hour. I think on this, but.

804
00:41:16.719 --> 00:41:20.199
You know, this month is a special month, and as

805
00:41:20.239 --> 00:41:23.679
we look at that, what do you recommend, how do

806
00:41:23.719 --> 00:41:25.159
you encourage communities?

807
00:41:25.320 --> 00:41:29.480
Parents? What can they do to really support our teens.

808
00:41:29.440 --> 00:41:31.920
Well in life? I believe we learn from one of

809
00:41:32.000 --> 00:41:36.840
four ways failures or fathers, mentors, or mistakes. Worldwide, teenagers

810
00:41:37.159 --> 00:41:39.880
are basically the same. They're looking for someone who cares.

811
00:41:40.199 --> 00:41:42.039
They want to know that you want to be invested

812
00:41:42.079 --> 00:41:46.119
in them. Mentoring is such a massive opportunity because there's

813
00:41:46.119 --> 00:41:48.320
so many people who've been successful in their lives, but

814
00:41:48.480 --> 00:41:51.400
the success did not fulfill them. They're looking for significance now.

815
00:41:51.800 --> 00:41:54.119
So what if you were to pour back into another

816
00:41:54.159 --> 00:41:57.760
generation coming behind you and share with them what you

817
00:41:57.800 --> 00:42:00.079
did right, what you did wrong, how you succeed, and

818
00:42:00.159 --> 00:42:03.840
how you perhaps failed. I believe that if we there's

819
00:42:03.880 --> 00:42:05.719
some I have some people in my life, some young

820
00:42:05.760 --> 00:42:08.320
people that hang out, you know, with my family, and

821
00:42:08.360 --> 00:42:11.159
we pour into them. You know, I'm not preaching at them.

822
00:42:11.199 --> 00:42:13.400
I'm not trying to convince them. I'm just going, hey,

823
00:42:14.000 --> 00:42:15.559
on a golf course. I did it the other day

824
00:42:15.599 --> 00:42:17.440
with my son and one of his dearest friends, you know,

825
00:42:17.920 --> 00:42:20.360
and his friend wanted to talk, had some serious questions,

826
00:42:20.360 --> 00:42:22.199
and in between hitting golf shots, I just kind of

827
00:42:22.199 --> 00:42:25.400
poured into him, and being available is a big part.

828
00:42:25.559 --> 00:42:27.039
You know. One of the things that we've done with

829
00:42:27.320 --> 00:42:29.599
my new book is it's it's a book that I

830
00:42:29.639 --> 00:42:32.960
wrote for the specific purpose of getting people to understand

831
00:42:33.239 --> 00:42:35.920
that you do matter. I share my story in it,

832
00:42:36.079 --> 00:42:38.239
but then I unpack what I believe the reason to

833
00:42:38.280 --> 00:42:40.719
be is to why you matter. And it's really helping

834
00:42:40.760 --> 00:42:43.079
a lot of people. And so there's resources out there,

835
00:42:43.360 --> 00:42:47.559
There's there's investing, time is out there, mentoring is available

836
00:42:47.559 --> 00:42:52.000
to these students. Just getting engaged, getting involved and showing

837
00:42:52.079 --> 00:42:53.960
up all makes such a big difference.

838
00:42:54.199 --> 00:42:57.119
And you mentioned your book, Yeah, share with the audience again.

839
00:42:57.480 --> 00:42:59.960
The name of the book. How they can find it, Yeah.

840
00:43:00.039 --> 00:43:03.719
It's called You Matter, Finding Hope and meaning in everyday life.

841
00:43:04.000 --> 00:43:06.559
You can be found on Amazon, or they can go

842
00:43:06.679 --> 00:43:10.000
to our website, which is simply Youmatter dot us while

843
00:43:10.119 --> 00:43:13.039
you m a T T e er dot us. Either

844
00:43:13.079 --> 00:43:14.519
one of those will take you right to it. The

845
00:43:14.519 --> 00:43:16.679
website gives you a whole lot of information on what

846
00:43:16.719 --> 00:43:18.440
we do, why we do it, how we do it.

847
00:43:18.800 --> 00:43:23.199
And then of course on Amazon thankfully in multiple categories worldwides.

848
00:43:23.239 --> 00:43:25.760
It's the book released. It's been number one. So it's

849
00:43:25.559 --> 00:43:26.920
it's helping a lot of people.

850
00:43:27.159 --> 00:43:30.519
Wonderful Dean, thank you so much, thanks for your time,

851
00:43:30.679 --> 00:43:33.840
Thanks for what an important topic and folks think about this.

852
00:43:34.079 --> 00:43:35.719
And you know, I love the.

853
00:43:35.719 --> 00:43:39.480
Last part that you talked about how we as individuals

854
00:43:39.920 --> 00:43:43.400
can make a difference in the lives of our teenagers

855
00:43:43.639 --> 00:43:47.639
and those around us by listening, by opening up, by

856
00:43:47.719 --> 00:43:49.880
doing all those things and being aware.

857
00:43:50.519 --> 00:43:53.440
And since this is such a special month for that, I.

858
00:43:53.480 --> 00:43:55.920
Just you know, and I know you would too, encourage

859
00:43:55.920 --> 00:43:58.519
people to become aware of that, even if they haven't

860
00:43:58.559 --> 00:44:02.960
personally experienced it, recognize that they too can make a difference.

861
00:44:03.480 --> 00:44:07.480
No question. Everybody needs somebody, and you'll be willing and

862
00:44:07.599 --> 00:44:11.400
obedient to just be used. Opportunities will knock on your door. Well, Dan,

863
00:44:11.519 --> 00:44:14.360
thank you, thanks so much. Doug, Yeah, thank you for

864
00:44:14.440 --> 00:44:18.239
what you're doing. Appreciate it, and Bold thanks for listening.

865
00:44:19.119 --> 00:44:21.079
I hope this has made a difference, and I hope

866
00:44:21.159 --> 00:44:24.320
this will create a higher awareness of those around us,

867
00:44:24.320 --> 00:44:27.800
and particularly those teenagers that are struggling, and how we

868
00:44:27.960 --> 00:44:32.639
can individually make a difference, either personally by even developing

869
00:44:32.639 --> 00:44:36.480
ourselves or by getting involved in some of these organizations

870
00:44:36.519 --> 00:44:39.360
that are seeking to help, so anyway, this is doctor

871
00:44:39.400 --> 00:44:48.280
Doctor's saying no mistae.