March 3, 2026

The Power of Introversion: Finding Your Voice and Living Your Values with Dr. Serena Low

The Power of Introversion: Finding Your Voice and Living Your Values with Dr. Serena Low
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Former attorney turned coach and podcaster Serena Low shares her journey of reinvention and empowerment. Together, she and Dr. Doug explore the gifts of introversion, how cultural expectations shape identity, and the path to living authentically through self-awareness and values alignment. A must-listen for anyone seeking meaning and confidence. https://serenalow.com.au

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This program is designed to provide general information with regards

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to the subject matters covered. This information is given with

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the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station

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are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,

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legal counseling, professional service, or any advice. You should seek

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the services of competent professionals before applying or trying any

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suggested ideas.

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At the end of the day, it's not about what

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you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what

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you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up,

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who you've made better. It's about what you've given back.

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Denzel Washington, welcome to Inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is

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to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you

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to do the same.

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Serena, Welcome to the show.

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Thank you so much, doctor Doug for having me here.

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I'm really excited now.

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I live in Melbourne in Australia.

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Okay, wow, that's why our time difference isn't so bad.

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That's right.

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I'm in Thailand, so that works pretty well.

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So let me ask you a question, and I always

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ask this the people that I interview you know, you

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have an interesting background. You were an attorney, and all

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of a sudden, here you are doing what you're doing.

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You have this wonderful podcast, and you've written a book

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and you're doing all of these things.

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What was your journey?

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What was your personal journey that brought you to this

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point where you were helping women and doing the things

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that you're doing.

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I think the first part of my journey will be

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something a lot of fellow Asians will be very familiar with,

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and that is the journey of pleasing your parents, meeting

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parental expectations, achieving those top academic grades, making your family proud,

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going to UNI, and choosing a course that they can

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brag about to their friends. So not just any cause,

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it has usually got to be either a law, of

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medicine or engineering or accounting one of the professions. So

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since I had no head for sciences and maths, I thought, well,

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let me try for law. So I did get it.

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I practiced for eleven years and learned a lot. It's

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given me a lot of skills that I still use today,

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and I'm very grateful for that part of the journey.

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But I think the point at which it started to

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unravel and plan these started to reveal itself was in

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my eleventh year, and that was when someone asked this

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question at work, have you thought about what is going

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to happen if you continue on this path? And at

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that point I hadn't thought about my path as such.

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I assumed I was going to be like everyone else

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around me, just keep walking, keep doing the same thing

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till I reach retirement age, at which time I can rest.

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I can then think about what to do next. But

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at that moment, when that question was asked, I had

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this picture of myself at you know, thirty years down

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the road, looking back, looking at what I've accomplished. Oh,

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so I've got here, I've reached this point. But what

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if I could have done something else? What if there

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had been something else I hadn't tried because I didn't

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dare to try, because I hadn't thought of going outside

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my comfort zone. And so I think that question kept

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coming back to haunt me for a reason. And there

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was the beginning of that unraveling and then looking for

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the plan B, which didn't exist at the time. And

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so to answer your question, I would say it was

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not a linear path to get to what I do now.

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It was more of a meandering and many scenic detours

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and many mistakes and many experiments along the way to

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find out what it is I meant to be doing

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with my talents and my energy and my time besides

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the thing that I had trained for. So it was

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a whole journey of discovery and learning and learning and

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basically reinventing myself.

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And where did you come up with this whole focus

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on introverts and writing your book?

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And so forth?

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The book came first, and the book came out of

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a reflection on the adversity the challenges I had overcome,

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and I thought, you know, it would be useful to

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put that in writing, because I've always loved writing, and

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I loved the thought of creating something from nothing and

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being able to share that with other people. But this

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project took on a life of its own because I

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put it out on social media that I was going

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to be writing about this topic, and I started receiving

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stories from people and referrals to other people telling me

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I've got a story like that. I've overcome adversity too,

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would you like to hear my story? And so I

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started collecting these stories and I put ten of them

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into the book, and so it's become a collection of

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stories of overcoming adversity and hardship and how to discover

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the warrior that the hero within yourself, the person that

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shows their true self, you know when times are difficult?

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Who is that person? That's how the book came to

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be written.

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Okay, And what's the name of the book.

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It's called The Hero Within Reinvent your Life, one new

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chapter at a time.

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And how do people find it?

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They can find it on Amazon.

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Okay.

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So here you are. You've written your book. You all

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of a sudden not doing law work anywhere? Have you

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quit aizen attorney?

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That's right, I did.

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And what was your journey after that? What happened?

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Well, for a long time, nothing happened because I was

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in identity crisis for a few years. We had just

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moved to Australia from Singapore and I was busy settling

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the family down. We had a baby a few months

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after we arrived, so you know, it was all very chaotic,

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and I spent a few years as a stay home

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mom and at the same time I was processing, you know,

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what am I going to do next once the kids

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start school? What am I meant to be doing with

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this next season of my life. So in various you know,

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I guess trial and error method of you know, going

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out and trying different things and meeting different people. I

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eventually found my way to a personal development course. And

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this was for myself because I've always been very interested

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in human nature, human behavior. Why do people do things

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this way? Why do I think like this? And how

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come somebody else doesn't think the same way? And so

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I found my way into a coaching course, found a

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lot of benefit from it, and thought, this is great information.

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Why do you teach us this stuff in schools? And

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so I started, you know, running workshops with school parents

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and sharing some of these ideas. And then over time,

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you know, one of the great well one of the

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traditional marketing you know advice that like to give people

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who are starting in their own business is that you

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have to put yourself out there. You have to network.

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And networking generally looks like going into a very large,

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noisy room with a lot of people, a lot of

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background noise, a lot of conversation going on, and you're

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expected to go around and work the room, introduce yourself

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in thirty seconds, tell people what you do and then

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go to another group and do the same thing again,

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and you could be there for a couple of hours,

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depending on how the event is run. So for one

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solid year I did that. I took the advice. I drove,

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you know, from one part of Melbourne to another part

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of Melbourne, attended these networking events, tried to get to

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know people and did it that way and found it

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so exhausting, and I thought there has got to be

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a better way to do networking in a way that

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suits people like me who are introverts. And that's how

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I came up with the idea of you know, where

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are these introvert friendly networking events? And I couldn't find

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any at that time, and so I went on this

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platform called meetup and I started my own community for introverts.

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So it was networking that was friendly to introverts, curated

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especially for them. And then covid happened and we pivoted

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into the social connection side of things, so that community

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has now been going on for more than five years.

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And I think that answers your question about why the

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emphasis on introvert because I know what it's like to

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be one. I've been one my entire life. I know

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how painful it can be when we are forced into

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those social situations that are they just don't go with

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our energy and our personality. And so it was about

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finding what is a better environment or introverts to thrive,

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what are the situations where introvert is more likely to

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speak up, and then looking for that kind of solution.

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Interesting, I know that, you know, I've done the same

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thing as far as all of these different social you know,

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social groups and so forth. And what I find is

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I'm very mentioned introvert to and so you know, you

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put me in a room, I'm kind of in the corner,

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And of course it forced myself to get out there

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and do that, but it was it was fascinating for

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me to find that if I could find someone to

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talk to on something that I was interested in, all

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of a sudden I could talk and I was no

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longer an introvert. So when we talk about introverts, and

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I know there's been some interesting studies, what's your thoughts

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on the percentage of individuals that are introverts.

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I've heard different percentages being quoted, but I think the

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generally accepted one is that up to about forty percent

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of the population could be introverts. And when we say introvert,

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I also want to clarify because there are also different

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definitions of what that means. So on the introversion extroversion spectrum,

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the introvert tends to be the one that feels the

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energy gets depleted when they're around people. So it's not

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that they don't like people, it's not that they're antisocial.

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It just takes a lot out of them to have

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that conversation, to maintain the momentum, to think of what

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to say next, and so on. And like you just mentioned,

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if it's a topic that you love, you care about,

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you know something about you could hold court, you could

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talk about it all day long, and people might look

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at you and think that that's not an introvert, right,

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But if you are talking with people you don't really

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know about something you don't really care about, it makes

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you want to go into yourself and if it makes

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you feel like you are depleting a lot of energy

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just keeping up with the social side of things. So

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I think for the introvert, it's more of an energy

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management issue. It's how the energy gets recharged and how

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it gets used well.

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And you know, as I've studied it, and the study

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that I saw was that about forty fifty end up introvertige.

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But interestingly, women can be fifty five percent, whereas men

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about forty five percent. And is there a reason why

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you focus just on women?

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Well, being one myself, it helps me I identify, I guess,

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and more readily notice the things that or the introverted women.

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So there's already that you know, that common experience there.

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It's easy to talk about things, and I guess with

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women also, it's yeah, we're trained to be nurturing, we're

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trained to listen, we're trained to sort of be in

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the background, and so it becomes very natural or a

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woman to you know, assume that background role, be on

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the sidelines, be the observer, be the helper, or the supporter.

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That the number two, right, We're comfortable when a woman

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is in that role, but when a woman is aspiring

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to be number one, then some other challenges might come up.

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So I think it's to do with our conditioning, our culture,

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and our society's expectations of gender roles.

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Well, and as you said, you know, it's interesting we

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were talking about introverts, and sometimes it's like, Okay, that's

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kind of a negative thing or difficult thing, and yet

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you hit on some key aspects right there. Introverts tend

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to be more empathetic, they tend to be more kind.

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So what are the positive aspects of being an introvert?

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Oh, there's so many, Doctor Doug. Active listening is one

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of them, and it's one of the most underrated superpowers

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because it actually takes a lot of presents to listen

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actively to someone and not try to interrupt, not try

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to jump to conclusions, not try to you know, prepare

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what am I going to say next when they finish talking.

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Because when you're like that, when you have that kind

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of an embracing sort of energy of you know, let

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me get my word in, it affects the harmony and

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the flow of the conversation. So for someone to be

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able to actually sit back and say I'm not going

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to do anything, I'm just here to listen and to

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support whatever is being said, that is actually a strength

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and it's a strength that could you know, I wish

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more people had. I wish more people listened instead of

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jumping to conclusions or trying to talk over other people.

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And that is one of the challenges introverts face in

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discussions in meetings. Anytimes a group of you know, different

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voices that are expressing views. Sometimes it's the introverts voice

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that gets crowded out, but at the same time, it's

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also the introvert's voice that makes the most impact when

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they finally have a chance to speak. I think we've

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all been in that meeting where the quietest person suddenly

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spoke up and everybody else stopped and paid attention, and

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it's almost that sense of jaws dropping because whatever they said,

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they spent a lot of time thinking and filtering and

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processing and weighing and considering everybody else's opinions before they

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then decided to drop that nugget of wisdom into the silence.

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And that is so powerful. So active listening, along with

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the empathy that you mentioned, is definitely one of the superpowers.

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Well, and I find that interesting, and so the question

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in my mind then becomes, all right, so here's here's

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an introvert that is powerful with empathy, with with thinking,

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with all of that type of thing. Yeah, a little

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bit shy about speaking out, but at the same time

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very strong will and able to well, not strong will,

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but able to do that and yet all of a sudden,

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they don't really acknowledge that necessarily. I don't know what

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you have found, but do they really acknowledge that, particularly

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with clients you work with and are do you mainly

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work with women who want to then become powerful attorneys,

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become powerful CEOs? Or do you work with women who literally,

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as you said, you're a mother. You know you've gotten

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that whole part of your life that you've been able

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to focus on. And yet is there something else? As

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you said, once once they go to school, Now, what

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are you going to do?

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How do you help how do you help these.

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Women in men to some degree that where you're focusing

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on the women, how do you help them to love

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what they do?

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More? Then? How do you help them to keep that balance?

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Because as you know, and as I've seen this, and

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as I've talked to many people about what's on the podcast,

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there's that movement that literally takes women away from that

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empathetic kindness and so forth into their CEOs and their

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their strong will and on and on and on. So

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how do you how do you balance that out?

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I don't know that we ever achieve that balance, doctor Doug.

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It's I think that balance is actually a mythical balance,

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and it's different for each person. Some people, some women

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are quite happy being that more dominant, you know, ceo

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energy kind of person, and that's fine. And some people

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are just naturally nurturing and happy to be number two,

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and that's fine too. I think the important thing is

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the self awareness. What is it that that particular person

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wants in their life, whether it's personally or professionally, and

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they need to then acknowledge, be honest about this is

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what I want, and it's okay if other people think differently, well,

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it's okay if other people have expectations of me that

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are different. I then need to develop those boundaries, and

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I need to develop the courage to walk my own path,

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and I need to develop that conviction so that I'm

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not going to be blown about, you know, by other

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people's opinions. I know what it is I need to

302
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do in this particular situation, and I'm doing it for

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these reasons.

304
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Well, and as you talk about introvertation, and I'm certified

305
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behavioral management, so I you know, I've really looked at

306
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this carefully what I have found, and it'll be interesting

307
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to see if you have experienced the same thing or

308
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if you disagree, which is fine. What I have found

309
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is there are certain tendencies towards introvertage individuals with personalities

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that are more introvertish and particul right brain that tend

311
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to get into these codependent relationships and it's very difficult

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for them to get out. Have you found that as

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you work with the women that you work with, that

314
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that's one of the struggles that they experience as a

315
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codependency and not being able to set boundaries in their

316
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life because they just really want to please and are

317
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not willing to step up and say their truth.

318
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Yes, it is not easy. And when you say co dependency,

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are you referring to intimate relationships or just in general?

320
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Yes, in relationships yes, yes.

321
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Well I won't say a lot of my clients have

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that particular issue, but I did notice that with the

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people pleasing that pops up a lot. And I think

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that has a lot to do with childhood conditioning, cultural conditioning,

325
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and also just in general that women and girls are

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taught from a very young age to please and locate

327
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and to avoid content, so then we don't learn those skills.

328
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There's the important skills of how to actually manage a

329
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conflict when it arises, because we're just used to running

330
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away or denying that it happened, or doing everything we

331
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can to you know, put out a fire instead of

332
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actually having that important conversation. So, yes, I do agree

333
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with you to an extent.

334
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Interesting and I'm not familiar with your specific culture, okay,

335
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but I know in general the Asian culture is very

336
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focused on family, on supporting that way. I observe it

337
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here in Thailand deeply, which is different from the US

338
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and to a large degree. But how do you help

339
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women who really have that sense of wanting to serve,

340
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wanting to take care. I mean, obviously you're helping your children,

341
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you're helping your husband, you're there as a mom, you're

342
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there as a housekeeper, and so of so forth, unless

343
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you get someone to get help on that. But the

344
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bottom line, you hit it on the head because all

345
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of a sudden, your kids are going to school, and

346
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that whole focus which is so important in so many cultures,

347
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suddenly is no longer as strong. And then all of

348
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a sudden, now you have to figure out what are

349
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you going to do with your life? How do you

350
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help the women that are going through that.

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One of the things that we do that is very

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important for I think anybody to look at from time

353
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to time is the idea of values. What are your

354
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guiding values in this season of your life? And I

355
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like to remind my clients that your values can change

356
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over time. They are fluid, they're not stuck, They're not

357
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set in stone. So how you are in your twenties

358
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could be very different from how you are in your

359
00:19:47.240 --> 00:19:51.359
forties and fifties. Your priorities change, your health situation changes,

360
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your family life might change. All those things are going

361
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to affect what you decide is most important to you. So,

362
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as someone who is looking at the next season of life,

363
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or or how do I maximize this curren season I'm in,

364
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how do I extract the most opportunity from it? How

365
00:20:08.920 --> 00:20:10.720
do I make the most of it and enjoy it

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and live a really fulfilling life. It still goes back

367
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to values. So when you do their values exercise with

368
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a client, that's when they look they realize, you know,

369
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they can see it in front of themselves. Oh so

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these are my top three or top five or top

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ten values. These are the things that are I just

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identify it as being most important to me. So then

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now how do I make choices that are aligned with

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those values? And that is really important because if you

375
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do the opposite, if you say my value is freedom,

376
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but then you go do the opposite and you know,

377
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tie yourself down by some various commitments or schemes, you're

378
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going to experience that internal conflict. Right, and we are

379
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meant to be We're meant to function as a harmonious whole.

380
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So you can't have your mind in conflict with your

381
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body and your spirit. It all has to function, you know,

382
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and flow together. So that's where the problem comes in.

383
00:21:01.759 --> 00:21:04.599
When you think you want one thing but that your

384
00:21:04.599 --> 00:21:07.920
actions show something else, or you are trying too hard

385
00:21:07.920 --> 00:21:12.240
to please other people and conform to other people's expectations,

386
00:21:12.279 --> 00:21:14.319
but in your heart, you know, you really want to

387
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go and do something that nobody has ever done before,

388
00:21:18.680 --> 00:21:21.680
nobody in your family has tried. They're all frowned upon it.

389
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They think that it is so irresponsible, or that's so childish,

390
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or that's not realistic. And then you have to decide,

391
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am I going to take on those beliefs that those expectations,

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those ideas of what's right and wrong for me? Or

393
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am I now that I'm over forty, am I going

394
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to finally be honest and say, but this is what

395
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I've always wanted to do, and I'm going to give

396
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it a try, and I'm going to see what happens,

397
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and maybe I will like it, and maybe I won't,

398
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and maybe I'll decide, oh, okay, I tried it, I

399
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didn't really like it. It wasn't the thing for me.

400
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Let me go try something else now. And so it's

401
00:21:56.720 --> 00:22:01.400
also giving yourself permission as an older person was taken

402
00:22:01.480 --> 00:22:03.799
on all these you know, the weight of all these

403
00:22:03.839 --> 00:22:08.039
expectations and all these other people's standards to then say

404
00:22:08.640 --> 00:22:10.720
this is who I am, this is what I enjoy,

405
00:22:11.240 --> 00:22:13.319
this is what I don't like, and I'm going to

406
00:22:13.359 --> 00:22:15.680
live a life as true to that as possible.

407
00:22:15.960 --> 00:22:18.400
Well, and you talk about getting into your forties and

408
00:22:18.440 --> 00:22:21.480
fifties and all of a sudden realizing how do you

409
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help younger people? What would you say to younger people?

410
00:22:25.519 --> 00:22:28.440
Because we've all experienced this. You know, I come from

411
00:22:28.480 --> 00:22:31.920
a family of six kids, and five of us are

412
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boys and then one girl, and I went through the

413
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same thing you did, different different culture. But my dad said, hey, boys,

414
00:22:40.079 --> 00:22:43.400
you will all be professional. That's the bottom line. You'll

415
00:22:43.440 --> 00:22:46.640
all have advanced degrees and you're going to pay for yourself,

416
00:22:46.680 --> 00:22:50.880
by the way. But anyway, so we were, and every

417
00:22:50.960 --> 00:22:54.599
one of us except for one one decided that college

418
00:22:54.680 --> 00:23:00.000
just wasn't for him, and he really got affected. From

419
00:23:00.119 --> 00:23:02.039
what he tells me, my dad was really on this

420
00:23:02.279 --> 00:23:06.279
case all of the time because he didn't go to school.

421
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Now, you know, who do you think is the wealthiest now?

422
00:23:09.680 --> 00:23:13.720
But beyond that, the reality is, how do you help

423
00:23:14.000 --> 00:23:17.200
younger people to be able to say, you know what,

424
00:23:17.720 --> 00:23:21.920
I don't have to fit into these expectations. You know,

425
00:23:21.960 --> 00:23:24.400
we talk a lot about imposter syndrome, and it has

426
00:23:24.480 --> 00:23:27.480
many definitions, but I like to use the imposter syndrome

427
00:23:27.799 --> 00:23:31.400
of living a life according to how you've been told

428
00:23:31.440 --> 00:23:34.160
you need to live your life, rather than, as you say,

429
00:23:34.279 --> 00:23:37.920
really being genuine, knowing what your values truly are. How

430
00:23:37.960 --> 00:23:41.640
do you help the younger people to get started a

431
00:23:41.680 --> 00:23:44.759
little bit earlier than waiting until they're forty or fifty

432
00:23:44.759 --> 00:23:47.680
to realize that, all right, I've been living someone else's life,

433
00:23:47.720 --> 00:23:49.000
now it's time for my own.

434
00:23:49.359 --> 00:23:52.359
I think that's a trickial one because at that younger age,

435
00:23:53.039 --> 00:23:56.039
there's the issue of the prefrontal cortex not being fully

436
00:23:56.039 --> 00:23:59.200
developed yet and the lack of life experience to back up,

437
00:23:59.440 --> 00:24:02.000
so that they do have very much to draw on

438
00:24:02.440 --> 00:24:06.359
just yet, and so they're still very vulnerable to and

439
00:24:06.480 --> 00:24:09.920
very impressionable to whatever is being told to them or

440
00:24:09.960 --> 00:24:13.079
whatever seeds have been planted earlier. So at that point,

441
00:24:13.119 --> 00:24:15.359
I would say the best thing for a younger person

442
00:24:15.400 --> 00:24:18.680
to do is to try different things, to give themselves

443
00:24:18.680 --> 00:24:21.799
permission to try, and not attach any sense of failure

444
00:24:21.880 --> 00:24:24.799
or success to the thing. Just treat it like an experiment,

445
00:24:24.880 --> 00:24:28.079
treated like something fun to do. Let me go, you know,

446
00:24:28.519 --> 00:24:32.279
be an intern for two months at this particular company

447
00:24:32.599 --> 00:24:35.359
so that I can learn something about this profession. Or

448
00:24:35.440 --> 00:24:38.920
let me go reach out on LinkedIn and connect with

449
00:24:39.200 --> 00:24:41.880
five people I ad mayer, you know whose whose work

450
00:24:41.880 --> 00:24:44.680
I've been following, whose whose things I've been reading about,

451
00:24:45.039 --> 00:24:47.160
and find out more about them, have a you know,

452
00:24:47.240 --> 00:24:51.039
coffee conversation with them, talk to them and ask some questions.

453
00:24:51.279 --> 00:24:54.839
And people usually are very open and generous when they

454
00:24:54.920 --> 00:24:58.359
realize that you are genuinely curious and you are interested,

455
00:24:58.400 --> 00:25:00.079
and you want to and you know you want to

456
00:25:00.160 --> 00:25:03.119
improve yourself. So there are there are all kinds of

457
00:25:03.119 --> 00:25:05.440
different things young people can do. But I think the

458
00:25:05.759 --> 00:25:11.400
important thing is to to recognize without judging that whatever

459
00:25:11.519 --> 00:25:13.799
you've been taught up to that point, whatever you've learned

460
00:25:13.880 --> 00:25:16.119
up to that point, that is useful. It has got

461
00:25:16.160 --> 00:25:19.440
you this far, and we can appreciate it, we can

462
00:25:19.680 --> 00:25:22.440
make the most of it. But now you are in

463
00:25:22.440 --> 00:25:25.359
the next season, you are, you have a choice. You

464
00:25:25.720 --> 00:25:29.000
have the ability to expand your world. So if you

465
00:25:29.000 --> 00:25:31.799
can travel, if that's within your means, you know, travel

466
00:25:32.039 --> 00:25:34.240
so that you widen your experiences, You get to talk

467
00:25:34.240 --> 00:25:37.680
to people from different cultures. It really opens the mind

468
00:25:38.119 --> 00:25:41.079
and you come back a different person. To volunteering, work

469
00:25:41.559 --> 00:25:46.079
in turn somewhere, be part of a course, read widely,

470
00:25:46.640 --> 00:25:49.599
and if possible, you know, do things that don't always

471
00:25:49.640 --> 00:25:52.640
require you to be attached to a screen that you know,

472
00:25:52.839 --> 00:25:55.519
go out in nature, be with other people, hang out

473
00:25:55.559 --> 00:25:57.960
with people who are very different from yourself. Because I

474
00:25:57.960 --> 00:26:00.799
think the older we get sometimes get very set in

475
00:26:00.799 --> 00:26:04.039
our ways, and that it's much harder to reinvent yourself

476
00:26:04.079 --> 00:26:06.880
because you are learning a lifetime of habits. But if

477
00:26:06.920 --> 00:26:10.240
you're in your teens, in your twenties, you have less

478
00:26:10.240 --> 00:26:12.880
of that baggage to deal with. So if you open

479
00:26:12.920 --> 00:26:14.319
your mind sooner, that's the better.

480
00:26:15.000 --> 00:26:19.200
How do you help people, whether they're older or younger,

481
00:26:19.519 --> 00:26:23.119
how do you help them to really discover what their

482
00:26:23.240 --> 00:26:25.640
values are? Because I think you've hit it on the

483
00:26:25.799 --> 00:26:30.319
head there that you know, values really help us to

484
00:26:30.359 --> 00:26:33.759
either really living a life of joy and happiness and

485
00:26:33.839 --> 00:26:38.400
peace versus someone else's values. We find that, yeah, we're

486
00:26:38.400 --> 00:26:41.559
doing well, but there's always that inner sense of frustration

487
00:26:41.720 --> 00:26:44.279
because that's not who we really are. How do you

488
00:26:44.400 --> 00:26:48.000
help people to really discover what their true values are?

489
00:26:48.480 --> 00:26:51.480
Well, I usually take my clients through a values exercise,

490
00:26:52.160 --> 00:26:55.440
and when they look at that list of values, they

491
00:26:55.480 --> 00:26:58.480
are asked to prioritize them, number them, and that's when

492
00:26:58.559 --> 00:27:01.160
that really forces them to choose between this and that.

493
00:27:01.799 --> 00:27:05.160
And it's in that action of repeatedly choosing until they've

494
00:27:05.200 --> 00:27:07.799
filtered it down to let's say ten, that's when they

495
00:27:07.960 --> 00:27:11.319
realize what's really important. That some things that they thought

496
00:27:11.319 --> 00:27:14.480
were important maybe are actually a lower priority, and some

497
00:27:14.599 --> 00:27:16.680
things they didn't think about but that keep popping up

498
00:27:16.680 --> 00:27:18.680
in their lives that keep showing. You know, it's almost

499
00:27:18.720 --> 00:27:21.839
like there's a red thread connecting all these various events

500
00:27:21.839 --> 00:27:25.160
that keeps showing like a universal thing. They will know that,

501
00:27:25.200 --> 00:27:28.720
they will recognize that in themselves that are, yes, this

502
00:27:28.759 --> 00:27:31.200
is how I've been deciding, you know, making choices about

503
00:27:31.240 --> 00:27:34.640
my career, about my relationships, about all the aspects of

504
00:27:34.640 --> 00:27:37.119
my life. This is what's been guiding me. They will

505
00:27:37.160 --> 00:27:38.480
find that connecting thread.

506
00:27:38.920 --> 00:27:42.400
And do you find that sometimes, And there's an example

507
00:27:42.400 --> 00:27:45.279
that I'll share, but you find sometimes that people who

508
00:27:45.759 --> 00:27:49.480
are not living their true values are not really finding

509
00:27:49.519 --> 00:27:53.880
the success in their lives and whether I don't mean

510
00:27:53.920 --> 00:27:59.000
financially necessarily, but just that sense of happiness and enjoy

511
00:28:00.319 --> 00:28:03.680
When I was getting certified in the behavioral management of

512
00:28:04.480 --> 00:28:06.519
one of the stories that they told in one of

513
00:28:06.559 --> 00:28:10.480
the studies, they talked about how two individuals have been

514
00:28:10.559 --> 00:28:14.920
hired to be salespeople, and they both came across in

515
00:28:14.960 --> 00:28:18.680
their interviews just incredibly well. And then over the course

516
00:28:18.720 --> 00:28:22.119
of a year or two, one was just being so

517
00:28:22.160 --> 00:28:26.000
successful and the other one was really struggling and they

518
00:28:26.039 --> 00:28:29.079
couldn't figure it out. And finally they brought someone in

519
00:28:29.480 --> 00:28:32.119
to really look at that, and as they got into

520
00:28:32.160 --> 00:28:36.000
the values, they found that the fellow that was very,

521
00:28:36.119 --> 00:28:41.400
very successful, really had a value of economics and the

522
00:28:41.400 --> 00:28:45.799
one that wasn't successful really had a value of artistic

523
00:28:46.279 --> 00:28:49.559
type of thing. And so as you work with people,

524
00:28:49.640 --> 00:28:53.799
have you found that oftentimes when they're using someone else's

525
00:28:53.920 --> 00:28:56.839
values because that's what they need to do, that they

526
00:28:56.880 --> 00:28:59.680
don't have the success in their lives that they could

527
00:28:59.720 --> 00:29:01.480
if they true to their values.

528
00:29:02.000 --> 00:29:06.079
So I'm going to qualify that because you did mention

529
00:29:06.200 --> 00:29:10.519
that success doesn't have to mean financial success. So assuming

530
00:29:10.559 --> 00:29:12.839
that what you mean by success is that someone is

531
00:29:13.400 --> 00:29:17.599
feeling fulfilled, feeling joyful, that it energizes them, it gives

532
00:29:17.599 --> 00:29:20.839
them a purpose, then it makes perfect sense your example,

533
00:29:21.039 --> 00:29:25.599
because we can't help but be ourselves. So the longer

534
00:29:25.720 --> 00:29:28.359
you are in the game, the more the mask comes off.

535
00:29:28.599 --> 00:29:30.480
There are going to be situations that are going to

536
00:29:30.519 --> 00:29:33.119
test you. And that's when you really know which way

537
00:29:33.160 --> 00:29:36.000
your values are. There's only a certain extent to which

538
00:29:36.039 --> 00:29:38.720
you can keep that mask on and pretend and keep

539
00:29:38.799 --> 00:29:41.640
up the act and do the things that outwardly you

540
00:29:41.759 --> 00:29:45.000
expected to do. But then inwardly there is that missing.

541
00:29:45.160 --> 00:29:47.960
You know, there's something is not congruent, something is out

542
00:29:48.000 --> 00:29:51.160
of alignment, and it's going to reveal itself because it

543
00:29:51.200 --> 00:29:54.359
can't I think that's the nature of truth. It can't

544
00:29:54.359 --> 00:29:58.160
help but assert itself and reveal itself in the most

545
00:29:58.599 --> 00:30:00.759
usually in the most pressurized moments.

546
00:30:01.039 --> 00:30:04.799
Any dramatic stories of clients that you've worked with where

547
00:30:05.279 --> 00:30:09.759
you've been able to move them from one level of

548
00:30:10.160 --> 00:30:14.000
not great happiness and success in their lives happiness wise,

549
00:30:14.400 --> 00:30:17.000
over to the other side. Any stories that you can

550
00:30:17.079 --> 00:30:19.279
share without revealing names.

551
00:30:19.680 --> 00:30:23.440
When I think of the most dramatic stories, I'm thinking

552
00:30:23.519 --> 00:30:27.000
of those because part of my practice also involves something

553
00:30:27.039 --> 00:30:30.799
called root cause therapy, and that is helping the client,

554
00:30:31.480 --> 00:30:33.960
may or may not be introverted, helping the client to

555
00:30:34.359 --> 00:30:40.200
revisit certain key incidents in childhood that they themselves think

556
00:30:40.559 --> 00:30:42.559
I have something to do with the way they are

557
00:30:42.599 --> 00:30:46.359
now right, And I think that if we've read let's say,

558
00:30:46.359 --> 00:30:50.400
doctor Gabo Marte or doctor Besel vander Kulk, you'll understand

559
00:30:50.480 --> 00:30:54.240
that there is an imprint, the trauma that's left behind

560
00:30:54.279 --> 00:30:57.319
in the body that shows up in various, usually very

561
00:30:57.359 --> 00:30:59.799
inconvenient times, Just when you want to reach for promotion,

562
00:31:00.319 --> 00:31:02.319
just when you want to do something brave, something is

563
00:31:02.359 --> 00:31:05.200
pulling you backwards. And usually that thing that pulls you

564
00:31:05.200 --> 00:31:07.720
backwards is trying to keep you safe, and it's usually

565
00:31:07.960 --> 00:31:11.880
related to something that happened in the past. So some

566
00:31:11.960 --> 00:31:17.000
of the dramatic I guess transformations or experiences clients have

567
00:31:17.119 --> 00:31:19.720
had would be where in the middle of going through

568
00:31:19.720 --> 00:31:22.720
that process and then reflecting on it afterwards, they realized

569
00:31:23.200 --> 00:31:27.799
that the initial cause was not even themselves. It was

570
00:31:27.839 --> 00:31:32.000
something from beyond their timeline, as in, it was an

571
00:31:32.079 --> 00:31:35.880
ancestor who had experienced a certain trauma, and that trauma

572
00:31:35.960 --> 00:31:41.119
was passed down through generations and it's affected my client

573
00:31:41.160 --> 00:31:44.319
as well. So you know, maybe two or three generations later,

574
00:31:44.799 --> 00:31:47.599
they are haunted by something. They don't know exactly what

575
00:31:47.599 --> 00:31:51.359
it is, but because you know, through that process, they're

576
00:31:51.400 --> 00:31:54.920
able to identify, oh, it was my great grandmother or

577
00:31:54.960 --> 00:31:57.480
something who has been through that thing, and that thing

578
00:31:57.559 --> 00:32:00.400
has is so powerful, has left such a strong print

579
00:32:00.880 --> 00:32:04.880
that in the present generation, this person is not, you know,

580
00:32:05.079 --> 00:32:08.640
suffering from imposter syndrome. Has a business, has an idea

581
00:32:08.640 --> 00:32:10.759
of vision, wants to change the world, wants to help

582
00:32:10.759 --> 00:32:14.319
lots of people, but just can't bring themselves to to

583
00:32:14.400 --> 00:32:18.119
start doing the work, to be visible, to let people know,

584
00:32:18.440 --> 00:32:20.119
to say this is what I do, this is how

585
00:32:20.119 --> 00:32:23.359
I help come work with me. So they stop themselves

586
00:32:23.400 --> 00:32:27.079
even before they can take those steps towards establishing the business,

587
00:32:27.400 --> 00:32:30.640
because something is still holding them back, something's haunting them

588
00:32:30.880 --> 00:32:34.319
or making them feel really unsafe to get started. So

589
00:32:34.359 --> 00:32:37.759
it's also in healing all that that. Yeah, that's right.

590
00:32:38.079 --> 00:32:41.680
Isn't it interesting that those imprints can occur, you know,

591
00:32:41.720 --> 00:32:45.240
from your parents, from your society, from school, from friends,

592
00:32:45.279 --> 00:32:48.319
from religion, whatever that happens to be. But unit on

593
00:32:48.359 --> 00:32:52.279
such an important aspect that when we talk about DNA

594
00:32:52.920 --> 00:32:56.839
and ancestors and the fact that we don't even know

595
00:32:56.920 --> 00:33:00.039
where it's coming from, and yet here's this tenant and

596
00:33:00.160 --> 00:33:03.640
see and this reactivity and we don't know why.

597
00:33:03.880 --> 00:33:05.079
And yet here's this.

598
00:33:05.240 --> 00:33:10.200
DNA that's sitting quietly in our system of that's been

599
00:33:10.240 --> 00:33:13.400
passed down because of trauma, and that has been embedded

600
00:33:13.440 --> 00:33:16.119
in an individual's DNA. And now it's coming down that

601
00:33:16.440 --> 00:33:19.440
they're experiencing this when they don't even know where it

602
00:33:19.480 --> 00:33:20.119
came from.

603
00:33:20.480 --> 00:33:22.519
I find that fascinating me too.

604
00:33:22.960 --> 00:33:25.759
But the flip side of that is also the good news.

605
00:33:26.160 --> 00:33:30.119
If we can inherit that kind of trauma, then what

606
00:33:30.440 --> 00:33:33.079
happens if we can heal that trauma or make peace

607
00:33:33.119 --> 00:33:35.599
with that trauma. What does that do for the DNA

608
00:33:35.640 --> 00:33:36.599
of our descendants?

609
00:33:37.160 --> 00:33:41.200
Yes, yes, And I think that's the key, And I

610
00:33:41.200 --> 00:33:44.079
appreciate what you're saying there. I've focused on this a

611
00:33:44.119 --> 00:33:48.400
number of times, that we can literally change the lives

612
00:33:48.440 --> 00:33:52.960
of our descendants by getting rid of those imprints that

613
00:33:53.000 --> 00:33:58.359
have affected us. I saw that with my dad growing up.

614
00:33:59.000 --> 00:34:04.480
He came from a situation where his dad was fairly abusive,

615
00:34:04.640 --> 00:34:07.759
I think, and you know, at least a strong will

616
00:34:07.920 --> 00:34:10.320
that would hit him with the belt and so forth.

617
00:34:11.599 --> 00:34:16.519
And my dad swore he would never spank his children.

618
00:34:16.679 --> 00:34:18.880
And I can tell you I'm sure there were many

619
00:34:18.960 --> 00:34:22.119
times when he was tefted, but we were never. We

620
00:34:22.119 --> 00:34:25.039
were never, And that has been passed on now through

621
00:34:25.719 --> 00:34:28.800
our generations our children. We don't spank our kids. We

622
00:34:29.199 --> 00:34:31.760
don't do any of the major physical abuts. Yeah, maybe

623
00:34:31.760 --> 00:34:34.000
once in a while, you know, you got to correct him.

624
00:34:34.480 --> 00:34:38.960
But I think what a blessing that people can do

625
00:34:39.079 --> 00:34:42.960
for their children and grandchildren and so forth is to

626
00:34:43.079 --> 00:34:47.639
know that if they change that behavior, that imprint, that

627
00:34:47.719 --> 00:34:50.320
it will go well beyond themselves.

628
00:34:50.639 --> 00:34:53.800
Indeed, that is such a beautiful example. Thank you for

629
00:34:53.840 --> 00:34:54.719
sharing that dog.

630
00:34:54.880 --> 00:34:55.599
Yeah, and you.

631
00:34:56.039 --> 00:34:59.719
Talk about you talk about four different types of introverts,

632
00:35:00.199 --> 00:35:02.719
and for you to show where the audience a little

633
00:35:02.719 --> 00:35:03.400
bit about.

634
00:35:03.239 --> 00:35:08.719
That, the four different ones are referred to other ones

635
00:35:08.840 --> 00:35:14.320
I'm talking about on my website. So in working with clients,

636
00:35:14.360 --> 00:35:17.880
what I noticed is there are those people who are

637
00:35:18.559 --> 00:35:21.840
the quiet achiever in the very loud workplace. So I

638
00:35:22.360 --> 00:35:24.519
can just picture, right, the person who's used to being

639
00:35:24.599 --> 00:35:27.119
number two, the person who is always in the background

640
00:35:27.119 --> 00:35:29.519
that other people rely on to get the work done,

641
00:35:29.800 --> 00:35:32.679
and we recognize they are very good at what they do,

642
00:35:32.800 --> 00:35:35.400
but when it comes to promotion time, we don't necessarily

643
00:35:35.440 --> 00:35:39.280
think of that person because they're just not visible enough. Right.

644
00:35:39.559 --> 00:35:42.920
They don't talk much. They prefer to let that work

645
00:35:43.079 --> 00:35:45.519
talk for them, and we know how that works out.

646
00:35:45.840 --> 00:35:48.159
We know that it's not always about the person with

647
00:35:48.239 --> 00:35:50.679
the best work who gets noticed. It's the person who

648
00:35:50.719 --> 00:35:54.960
speaks the loudest. So that's where the quiet achiever gets overlooked,

649
00:35:55.679 --> 00:35:59.119
and that's a frustration. The second person I'm thinking ob

650
00:35:59.280 --> 00:36:03.400
is the introverted entrepreneur founder who is also a creative.

651
00:36:03.519 --> 00:36:06.840
So they have an idea, they have a vision, they

652
00:36:06.880 --> 00:36:09.400
have a calling, and they want to they want to

653
00:36:09.440 --> 00:36:11.239
change the world. They want to help people, they want

654
00:36:11.280 --> 00:36:14.840
to read transformation. They come from a very good place,

655
00:36:15.000 --> 00:36:18.239
very purpose driven in that sense. But at the same time,

656
00:36:18.880 --> 00:36:23.280
the introverted side of them is an internal conflict. So

657
00:36:23.320 --> 00:36:27.000
there is what I call the visibility dilemma. They know

658
00:36:27.440 --> 00:36:30.199
in their heads they need to put themselves out there more.

659
00:36:30.280 --> 00:36:31.960
They need to do the networking, they need to be

660
00:36:32.000 --> 00:36:34.960
on social media, they need to be on the podcast.

661
00:36:35.559 --> 00:36:40.519
But they love their privacy because privacy means safety. Not

662
00:36:40.599 --> 00:36:43.800
being known to the public means I can stay safe.

663
00:36:43.840 --> 00:36:46.719
I can stay small, nobody knows me, nobody's coming to

664
00:36:46.719 --> 00:36:49.440
bother me. I don't have to make unnecessary conversation. So

665
00:36:49.480 --> 00:36:52.199
those things are in conflict because if you stay, you know,

666
00:36:52.280 --> 00:36:54.679
you'll be the best kept secret, even if you're the

667
00:36:54.719 --> 00:36:57.840
most competent. And that is their problem. And then we

668
00:36:57.880 --> 00:37:00.880
have the professional migrant woman and I was just talking

669
00:37:00.880 --> 00:37:04.000
to one this morning. So they've taken themselves into a

670
00:37:04.039 --> 00:37:07.760
new environment, new country, they're starting over, and they may

671
00:37:07.840 --> 00:37:10.400
or may not be able to continue their professional career

672
00:37:10.440 --> 00:37:13.440
as they did in their in their home country because

673
00:37:13.480 --> 00:37:16.000
of you know, licensing and certifications and having to take

674
00:37:16.039 --> 00:37:19.719
exams and all that and there is also the financial issue,

675
00:37:19.760 --> 00:37:22.960
so there's a lot of uncertainty. So new environment, possibly

676
00:37:23.000 --> 00:37:28.320
new language, new social norms, finding community, don't have a

677
00:37:28.360 --> 00:37:32.199
support network. Starting from zero, what is that experience?

678
00:37:32.320 --> 00:37:32.440
Like?

679
00:37:32.599 --> 00:37:35.320
How do you deal with all that uncertainty all at once?

680
00:37:35.800 --> 00:37:38.280
How do you find your footing? And then you know,

681
00:37:38.679 --> 00:37:41.480
bring some structures, some stability into your life so that

682
00:37:41.559 --> 00:37:44.519
you can properly start over again. But that's that person.

683
00:37:44.880 --> 00:37:47.079
And then of course there is and this is from

684
00:37:47.119 --> 00:37:50.039
lived experience, the Asian good girl, the people pleaser. We

685
00:37:50.119 --> 00:37:53.440
talked about this before. You know, if you've been conditioned

686
00:37:53.480 --> 00:37:57.199
and wired and rewarded or being quiet and compliant and

687
00:37:57.239 --> 00:38:00.400
good and following all the rules, there's a very high

688
00:38:00.440 --> 00:38:03.679
chance that you go into adulthood with the same mentality,

689
00:38:04.039 --> 00:38:06.719
thinking that if I stay quiet and I don't make

690
00:38:06.760 --> 00:38:09.840
any trouble, I don't rock any boats, all will be well.

691
00:38:10.119 --> 00:38:12.679
But that's not how real life works. So when the

692
00:38:12.679 --> 00:38:14.679
boat is actually being rocked, you don't know how to

693
00:38:14.719 --> 00:38:17.599
deal with it. You don't know how to bring yourself

694
00:38:17.599 --> 00:38:21.440
into a calmer place. You're just struggling because you're coming

695
00:38:21.440 --> 00:38:24.079
from that place of let me avoid the conflict. So

696
00:38:24.119 --> 00:38:26.679
then you've never built a muscle for dealing with conflict,

697
00:38:26.679 --> 00:38:30.039
of having hard conversations, of saying no and being okay

698
00:38:30.079 --> 00:38:33.159
with it, and of disagreeing with someone's opinion and being

699
00:38:33.159 --> 00:38:36.559
okay with it. You'll be constantly overthinking, doubting yourself. Oh

700
00:38:36.599 --> 00:38:38.840
did I say too much? Did I not say enough?

701
00:38:39.079 --> 00:38:40.760
Was I not you know? Did I not put it

702
00:38:40.800 --> 00:38:44.440
the right way? And so the pressure comes back to you.

703
00:38:44.440 --> 00:38:47.760
You think it's your problem, it becomes a performance problem.

704
00:38:47.880 --> 00:38:50.760
Actually it is not. It's simply that you haven't learned

705
00:38:51.199 --> 00:38:54.119
who you are, where your boundaries are, and you haven't

706
00:38:54.199 --> 00:38:56.440
learned to assert them and to be your own person.

707
00:38:56.760 --> 00:38:58.960
So those are the four types of introverts I'm thinking of.

708
00:38:59.239 --> 00:39:04.599
All right, in a very short time, if someone finally

709
00:39:04.719 --> 00:39:08.880
recognizes that they're that introvert and they're experiencing one of

710
00:39:08.920 --> 00:39:11.480
those areas, how do they overcome it?

711
00:39:12.199 --> 00:39:14.519
Do they really need to reach out and get some help?

712
00:39:14.880 --> 00:39:18.119
I would say to them, your introversion is your superpower.

713
00:39:18.559 --> 00:39:21.840
Recognize your strengths. The fact that you can listen well,

714
00:39:22.199 --> 00:39:24.119
the fact that you have presents the fact that you

715
00:39:24.119 --> 00:39:26.920
are that calm person in the midst of chaos. The

716
00:39:26.960 --> 00:39:30.159
fact that you can think clearly and articulate. Well, all

717
00:39:30.199 --> 00:39:33.800
those are your super strengths, so use them, create your

718
00:39:33.800 --> 00:39:36.880
own lighting so that you can shine wherever you are.

719
00:39:37.239 --> 00:39:40.800
Oh, wonderful, And so how do people find you if

720
00:39:40.840 --> 00:39:43.280
they want to be able to reach out? Do you

721
00:39:43.360 --> 00:39:47.000
work mainly in the area that you are? Do you

722
00:39:47.079 --> 00:39:50.719
use zoom and reach throughout the world? How do people

723
00:39:50.800 --> 00:39:53.840
find you if they want to really get that coaching

724
00:39:53.960 --> 00:39:57.519
and that help, which personally I believe makes a big

725
00:39:57.519 --> 00:40:00.599
difference when you have an outside individual being able to

726
00:40:00.639 --> 00:40:01.480
help you and guide you.

727
00:40:01.920 --> 00:40:04.079
Thank you for asking that. So I walk on zoom,

728
00:40:04.119 --> 00:40:07.599
which means I can work globally. And I always recommend

729
00:40:07.599 --> 00:40:10.239
that people listen to the Quiet Warrior podcast first because

730
00:40:10.280 --> 00:40:12.480
it gives them a sense of why I talk about,

731
00:40:12.920 --> 00:40:16.880
what my expertise is, what resources are already available, So

732
00:40:16.960 --> 00:40:19.159
when they listen to some of the episodes, might find

733
00:40:19.159 --> 00:40:22.280
the answers to the questions themselves, and then if they

734
00:40:22.280 --> 00:40:24.400
need further help, I'm always happy to connect.

735
00:40:24.880 --> 00:40:26.559
Wonderful, And what's your website?

736
00:40:27.239 --> 00:40:29.760
My website is Serenalo dot com dot au.

737
00:40:30.199 --> 00:40:34.760
Kay, and that's that's dot com dot au Yes, that's right.

738
00:40:35.159 --> 00:40:38.400
Oh that's great. Thank you so much. This has been

739
00:40:38.440 --> 00:40:41.440
so informative and what a difference you have to be

740
00:40:41.519 --> 00:40:46.280
making in people's lives, because being an introvert is not easy.

741
00:40:46.400 --> 00:40:48.960
I am one, you know, I have a combination of

742
00:40:49.039 --> 00:40:50.039
introvert extrovert.

743
00:40:50.079 --> 00:40:52.920
But I have found that.

744
00:40:52.239 --> 00:40:54.719
That was really difficult for a long time until I

745
00:40:54.800 --> 00:40:58.239
figured out how to how to work around that. And

746
00:40:58.599 --> 00:41:01.440
obviously here you are an intro but you've got your podcast.

747
00:41:01.480 --> 00:41:04.079
Here I am an introvert, but I've got my podcast.

748
00:41:04.599 --> 00:41:08.199
And it's interesting that when we find that value, all

749
00:41:08.199 --> 00:41:12.920
of a sudden that changes. And so thank you so much,

750
00:41:12.960 --> 00:41:16.400
and folks, I hope you've enjoyed this, and please, please,

751
00:41:16.440 --> 00:41:20.400
if you're experiencing these challenges as an introvert, reach out

752
00:41:20.480 --> 00:41:24.280
reader book and then reach out and see if you

753
00:41:24.320 --> 00:41:26.960
can't get some help, because I can tell you over

754
00:41:27.000 --> 00:41:29.559
the years it can be a real struggle. And to

755
00:41:29.599 --> 00:41:32.880
be able to finally come out of that and find

756
00:41:32.880 --> 00:41:36.880
that joy and happiness and values and realize you're fulfilling

757
00:41:36.920 --> 00:41:39.760
your values that makes such a difference. So anyway, this

758
00:41:39.880 --> 00:41:42.760
is doctor Doug saying thanks so much for listening, have

759
00:41:42.800 --> 00:41:50.159
a wonderful week, no mistay,