WEBVTT
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This program is designed to provide general information with regards
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to the subject matters covered. This information is given with
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the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station
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are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,
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legal counseling, professional service, or any advice. You should seek
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the services of competent professionals before applying or trying any
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suggested ideas.
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At the end of the day, it's not about what
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you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what
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you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up,
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who you've made better. It's about what you've given back.
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Denzel Washington, Welcome to inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is
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to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you
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to do the same.
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Brenda welcome.
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Thank you for having me.
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Oh I'm excited. You know, it's always so interesting how
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people can together. And you know, I was doing an
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interview just the other day talking about synchronicity, and I
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think it's so amazing that you know that works so well,
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and you know, you have such an interesting topic and
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I'm looking forward to talking about it. I'd love for
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you to share with the audience your story, your journey,
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because I know that had a lot to do with
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what you're doing now.
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It really does, really does. I mean I for my career.
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For the most of my career, I've been in a
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training and development leader or organization development consultant. But you know,
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what I was using in my work started to come
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in handy in two thousand and eight when my.
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Life took a side turn.
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It took it went sideway as I found myself unexpectedly divorcing,
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becoming a single mom with two little boys, no guaranteed income,
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no healthcare benefits, and every part of my life needed
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to change.
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And in that moment, I were thinking, I was.
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Really grateful that I had the background and training that
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I did, and wishing that I could share more of
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those messages with others.
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And so ultimately that's what I did.
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And in the two books that I've written, there really
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about helping people through times of change and helping folks
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be more resilient.
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And how does that work for you?
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Oh, I'm being tested right now, you know, doctor Doug.
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I'm being tested. I think along with the rest of
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the world. Right we wake up every morning and say
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that wasn't a dream. Things are really changing. I got
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to read my own books.
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Well, yeah, it's so interesting. You know. We talk about
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and as I say, I just got up an interview
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talking about synchronicity, and one of the points that I
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wanted to make for the folks that were listening is
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that synchronicity doesn't always bring about the good things. Sometimes
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we experience things that we don't consider good. But over
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the years, as we look back, we realized it kind
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of put us on a path. For instance, with your divorce,
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with what happened in two thousand and eight, you know
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that certainly wasn't something you would consider great, but look
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where's put you now?
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One hundred percent.
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I always say I did a ted X talk and
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I talk about navigating transition fog, and what I say
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in that is, you know, we don't see the gift
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of the fog until it's in the rearview mirror, and
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then we look back and go, oh, yeah, I traveled
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through that and I wouldn't want to do it again.
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But I got to some destination that was pretty cool.
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But man, that was a foggy, tricky journey.
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Well, and you've written two books and I know we're
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going to talk about this last book that you've written,
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which I appreciate you have sent me, and so I
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had a chance to skim through it. But what was
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the first book you wrote and what motivated that and
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what's it about?
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That first book was really after years after my divorce,
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when I thought, gee, I wish leaders had this information
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when they're leading themselves and others through times of change,
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the information that I had from my master's degree program
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in organization development. And then it occurred to me, well,
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why don't I make that available to them.
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They don't have to go back and get an advanced degree.
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What if I write a very manageable, easy to read
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book that takes some of those content topics and breaks
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it down for them. So it's called TBD to be Determined,
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Leading with clarity and confidence in uncertain times. And so
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I wrote this right before my youngest son was going
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off the year before he was going off to college,
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because I did want to be that sad, weepy mom
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that was sending him out the door. I wanted him
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to be excited about his next chapter. And it really
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was a time in my life, doctor Doug, where I
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said to myself what are the dreams I haven't fulfilled yet?
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What if I start to pursue one of those so
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that I'm equally excited about the next chapter in my
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life as he goes off to launch his And so
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that's what I did. I wrote the book in twenty
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seventeen and then was invited to do a ted X
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talk on one of the topics in the book, which
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is navigating transition fog.
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All right, and you know we met via LinkedIn and
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that is really a very business side and I know
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that most of your background has been working with businesses.
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But what I have found is I've done a little
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bit of consulting, was that what we talked about in
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business applied so well to life. And so that's where
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I like our focus of the discussion today is, you know,
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as we talk about things, and we can bring up
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what you talk you know, what you wrote in that
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book as well as the other one. But the key
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is is that what we can do in life. And
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I kind of like to reverse it because I think
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ultimately our success in business in a large degree, not always,
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but in a large degree, depends on our success in life. Now,
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there are obviously those who have been extremely successful in
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business and not very successful in life. But the reality
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I think with the majority of the population is if
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they can become successful in their life, and that has
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a lot of innuendos to it, that they can then
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experience a successful and joyful experience in what they're doing
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in business. But I think the most important thing is life.
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They can enjoy life.
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Well.
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I think you make a good good point, which is
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I think we're conditioned in some weird way and I've
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never thought about this until this moment to put it
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this way, But we see life as a subset of
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work instead of work as a subset of life, and
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we forget that the bigger context is life. And when
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I am coaching any executive, we probably spend more of
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our time talking about their life than we do their
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work world. Because they have plenty of people. They can
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talk about their work world with plenty of folks who
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can give them advice.
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But when it.
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Comes to opening up and being real and vulnerable and
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authentic about the impact work has on the rest of
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their life or the price they may be paying in
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the rest of their life, they really need a trusted
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companion to talk about those things with. Because the leadership
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space can be pretty lonely and you have to watch
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what you say to whomever well.
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And you know, it's interesting also, and I've seen this
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happen a lot, where you get people that are in
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management positions and they are the most uncomfortable people to
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work with. And when you look at that and really
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analyze that, you can recognize that that has everything to
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do with who they are and whatever is managing those
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emotions rather than their management style per se.
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To me, being a good leader is mastering your use
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of self. I call it use of self. How do
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you show up in that space and use yourself? And
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to do that, you know you need good self knowledge.
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Better self knowledge means better self management means better leadership.
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And so it's you know, leadership's and inside job. We
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start there. That's my philosophy.
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Anyway, and leadership in life I think becomes the whole key.
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So let's talk about the second book. And it's really
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a work book, which I love how you've done that.
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But talk about the second book and what is that
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about and and what motivated you to write this one?
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Well, you know, I got even further away from my
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life circumstances and I began. I was still working with
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a lot of people to your earlier point who were
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not just wrestling with leadership, but they wanted to talk
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about life, leading their lives.
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And I started to.
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Reflect back, well, it's a very interesting talk about synchronous synchronicities.
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When I was being divorced, my divorce attorney said to me, Brenda,
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whatever you do, do not come in here and start
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telling me about some guy you've met, some prince charming
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that's going to save the day for you until you
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have kissed at least five frogs. Now, doctor Doug, I
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couldn't imagine going on one date, let alone five, So
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that stuck with me, and as I began dating, I
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was counting them.
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Off like frogs, like one, two, three, four, five.
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I'm like, oh, maybe I'll write a book on, you know,
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navigating divorce and dating. And then at the end of
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the fifth frog, I thought, oh, that's gonna be a
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really lame book. Forget that, so I just dropped the
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whole thing. But those frogs stayed in my brain. And
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then fast forward. I was walking by my television one
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day and somebody said, frogs is an acronym for fully
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reliant on God.
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Now in the space that I was in.
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I probably waved my middle finger at the television that day,
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thinking I'm not feeling like God is in my life
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at this moment, but it still.
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Was with me.
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And then I had a dream one night, and I
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had a dream about this frog. And the next day
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I went shopping with a girlfriend in the store just
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chalk full of little knickknacks and chatchkes, and the first
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thing my eyes went to was this ceramic frog that
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was the exact frog.
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I dreamed about the night before. And then two weeks later, I.
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Was going through my office cleaning it out, and I
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had saved an old Christmas card from a client, absolutely
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nothing remarkable about it except that on the front of
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that card was this frog. And it's like I started
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seeing five frogs, you know, and I thought, what is
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with the frogs?
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And I looked to them up.
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I started doing some research to find out just how
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resilient frogs are and that they are symbols of change
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and transformation.
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And as I reflected on my journey.
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I thought, oh, wait a minute, these are kind of
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the stages we go through when any disorienting life or
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work event hits us. And so each of the frogs
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stands for a different stage that we go through on
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the road to getting more and more resilient.
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Well, I love that. As I looked at that, I've
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been really contemplating a lot of things for a while,
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and you know, I haven't written a book yet, but
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I'm trying to. But what fascinated me is as I
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was looking at the frogs and what you wrote for
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each one of them, it just parallels so much. And
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I think what's interesting is everyone comes from a different perspective,
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and yet when you look at the reality of what
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the message is is very similar. I find that fascinating.
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I mean, being here in Thailand, you know, I've loved
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to study Buddhism and then and I happen to be Christian,
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so I'll start with that. But then also as I've
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interviewed a number of people, they've talked about Vetic yoga,
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which is really Hinduism. So I started looking at that,
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and what I found is that the message from each
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of those which are thousands, at least hundreds of not
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thousands of years apart, are very similar.
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It's scient wisdom that comes through all across the world,
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you know, and we just have different messengers who package
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it differently, and someone who needs to hear it presented
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this way, and somebody who needs to hear it presented
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in frog form, and you know, somebody who comes from
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it academically, and someone who comes from it, you know,
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through religious religion. And so I think, yeah, we're all
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downloaded with some of these messages were supposed to be
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sharing simultaneously.