Oct. 13, 2025

Hidden Addiction: From Denial to Authentic Living

Hidden Addiction: From Denial to Authentic Living

It’s not often someone is willing to be so transparent and vulnerable. Marcus van der Post shares his emotional journey through ADHD, addiction, trauma, and self-discovery. From glass-shattered wake-up calls to RTT hypnotherapy and generational healing, he shows how self-honesty and authenticity lead to real freedom.

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This program is designed to provide general information with regards

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to the subject matters covered. This information is given with

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the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station

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are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,

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legal counseling, professional service, or any advice. You should seek

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the services of competent professionals before applying or trying any

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suggested ideas.

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At the end of the day, it's not about what

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you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what

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you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up,

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who you've made better. It's about what you've given back.

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Denzel Washington, welcome to inspire vision. Our sole purpose is

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to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you

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to do the same.

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Marcus, welcome to the show.

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Thank you, welcome, Welcome Mere Are you.

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Good and how are you doing fine? I'm fine.

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I'm looking forward to this podcast. This is the second

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one I'm recording. I'm a little nervous because i had

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to stress to get here on time, but I'm hoping

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that that will ease out through the through the talk.

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Got it, Yeah, I'm sure I will so, so one

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of the questions, you know, let the audience know, where

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are you at at this point in time, where do

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you live.

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I'm in Berlin.

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I'm originally from the Netherlands, from Rotterdam. I've been living

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here ten years and my original my my my language

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is Dutch and speaking German here. But I chose to

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write my book that we will discuss later, I think

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in English.

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So yes, yes, we will. We will discuss your book.

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So when it comes to the languages.

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Oh, that's great, that's great. So what I'd love for

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you to do obviously you've written your book, but I

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want I want you to share with the audience. And

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I know that there's probably in the book. Share with

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your audience your journey, what what when did it all begin?

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And you know, what were some of the things that

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happened and what brought you to the point of writing

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the book?

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Several things.

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Probably the most important thing that made me really dig

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into myself is the patterns that kept reoccurring, and in business,

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in private relationship, and even even in friendships.

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I kept running into the same problems. And the last

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time I was.

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In a relationship that involved there there was some drugs involved,

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and it really escalated.

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Into a fight where there.

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Was a lot of glass and porcelain destroyed and blood

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because my ex walked through the glass through the apartment.

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Yeah, the.

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Day that all.

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Ended, after the post he left my apartment, I was like, Okay,

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so I really need to know how to draw my borders,

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how to say no and yeah, to protect myself, and

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also to know myself.

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Because I was completely lost at that moment.

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And then this is obviously a very dramatic event. But

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before that, I had some escalations and I tried to

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find myself, get to know myself, get to know my borders,

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and deal with the difficulties in life sometimes and somehow

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I needed this very intense and dramatic lesson to see reality,

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to accept the way the way that i'm I feel

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like I was programmed and I needed to learn this lesson,

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and unfortunately I needed to learn it the hard way.

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And because.

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Because of this, and because of the fact that I

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tried so many times, I started writing the book, not

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with the idea to actually publish it from the beginning,

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but I put so much time and energy in it

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and it brought me so much that I decided to

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share it.

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So let me ask you a question. I know that

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you talk about addiction, you're talking about drug and so forth,

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and we're going to talk about ADHD because I know

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that's one of your main main points. But if you

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don't mind, and if it's a problem, say no. But

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I'd love for you. You know, you said you kind of

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found yourself lost in your life. I want you to

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go back and talk about what were the root causes

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of this that caused you to go in that direction

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that you're experiencing such great loss and really it sounds

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like a lot of confusion.

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Yeah, well, ADHD is something that you probably or let

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me talk just about myself that I feel after writing

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the book, after seeing the patterns some generational trauma. As

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a child, I learned to adapt to the room, and

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I think that because of this, I created a kind

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of hyper sensitivity and I always concentrated on reading the

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room and adapting to that what I thought would be

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perceived best. And I have in my family.

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There is some hypersensitivity. There is.

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My mom's pretty sensitive, my grandmother was pretty sensitive, and

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both of them were raised in a pretty controlled environment.

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And I believe that the same goes for my mom

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and her mom that the emotional connection with the.

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Parent was not really there.

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And because of this, I feel like in my case,

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I've always tried to adapt to that what I thought

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was needed, and I concentrate on a lot of other things.

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Sometimes are important.

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So I'm kind of like feeling and I'm looking around

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a lot, and this distracts me a lot, and I

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think that my ADHD comes from this. As a young child,

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I was born in the eighties. They were not talking

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about ADHD back then in school in Netherlands, and the

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first time I got tested was when I was at

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my early twenties, nineteen twenty, and then they prescribed me

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as a medication and I didn't like the concept of that,

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so I denied. I denied the medication, but I also

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denied the ADHD, and I kept moving on forward. As

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the subtitle is called Head in the Sand, Wine in

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the Hand, I started to self medicate, first with alcohol,

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then combination with drugs, and after writing the book, I thought,

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you know what, let me let me get tested again,

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let me see what this is. And I started seeing

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more and more things about ADHD online and because you know,

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the algorithm gives you more once you like it, once

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you click on it, once you once you watch things

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that you're interested in.

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And I got tested again and.

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It turned out I have quite a strong form of it,

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and again got advice to use.

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Back then it was written.

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In and now there was another form which was only

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short working short, like a short term like for four hours.

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And I now take that when I need to concentrate

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on administration or things that I find it very difficult

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to concentrate with.

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Well, you know. And it's so interesting because, as you say,

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back in you know, back in the early eighties and

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so forth, I didn't really talk a lot about ADHD,

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and and quite frankly, even now, when I hear the

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word HDHD, I immediately think of those who have been

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serving in their enforces and have come back from Iraq

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or from some of those different wars and the trauma

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that has occurred there that has affected them. And I'm

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not sure that people understand, and I'm one of them.

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I had no idea the symptomology number one of ADHD,

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but secondarily the causes that can occur because of that,

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and the fact that in many cases is I've done

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a little bit of research on it prior to this

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podcast that it can definitely, although it's not a root cause,

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the symptomology that causes ADHD also, as you say, in

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order to try to deal with that often ends up

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with addiction, whether it's alcohol or drugs or whatever that

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happens to be. So when you talk about ADHD, and

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I'm assuming that this did not come from their armed forces,

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right from a war.

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Well no, not at all.

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Okay, So what I want you to do is share

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with the audience what you experienced symptomology wise, and also,

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as you've researched a bit, how do people understand as

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they're observing some of their behavior that potentially they should

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really go get tested to see whether or not they

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have ADHD. What were your symptoms?

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Yeah, so there's a lot of There are different symptoms.

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You know, people like talking about the example that you

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put your car key somewhere and you don't know where

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it is.

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I'm actually quite structured.

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I know where Macarty is, and I'm very punctual, so

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I'm never liked. But the concentration problem that I have,

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For instance, if I tried to read a letter a

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letter and it doesn't.

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Matter any know which one of these three languages.

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This is I just find it hard to stay focused

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on what I'm leading, what I'm reading, unless it is

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something that I program myself to see it for and

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I take the time to read. Then I can read perfectly.

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I can read super fast when I'm concentrated, but I

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need to be concentrated. This is probably the thing and

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the hyper sensitivity. These things are probably the strongest signals

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for me. What I also have is something that I

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use in my in my business when I work with

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people I used to be in sales, is I can

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read the room really well, so I can I can

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really see what somebody needs, how somebody is feeling, maybe

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they just went through something. I can pick these things

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up super fast, and I can put myself in them in.

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Their position as well.

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So in my business I can because I know really

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well how to read the room, I can change.

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The energy as well.

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And in my business it's a good thing if you're

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trying to have a normal conversation with your partner and

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you're constantly checking what is happening around you, just so

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that you don't lose control of your surroundings. It's obviously

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not a very good thing, but it's for me very

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complicated to turn this off.

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Well, you know, as you talk about that, and it's interesting,

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you know, I years ago I attended a workshop talking

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about different things and they weren't talking about ADHD, but

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as you just were saying something about how you were

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always checking around, what comes to my mind is a

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concept of spatial thinker, you know, and and so often

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we find kids that are in school that are you know,

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birdlands on the window and they're over there and something's happening,

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and they're over there because they have that spatial awareness

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that you were talking about. And at the time, which

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was again years ago, they were talking about how people,

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how particularly children in school, don't understand that, you know,

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this is what they're experiencing, and the teachers basically saying, no,

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you've got some kind of attention deficit or whatever, and

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going to put them on drugs, some kind of medication.

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But it sounds like, and to some degree, what you're

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talking about is that this is one of the symptomologies

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of ADHD, that spatial awareness that you just have to

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kind of check everything around. So as you found yourself,

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as you found yourself trying to deal with a lot

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of these things through the alcohol through the drugs. What

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would you say were the main emotions that you were

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trying to calm down. Was it that constant trying to

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be aware of everything around you or what were some

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of the other things you talked about the fact that

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you're very specific and heightened in your emotions.

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Probably exhaustion because of constantly being on.

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I turned on the on switch.

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I mean, you're constantly trying to focus on everything that's

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happening around you so that you don't miss anything that

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makes you tired.

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In my work, I like.

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To impress people. I need to reach my goals. I

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am super motivated. I will say more than one hundred

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percent once I do something. Once I take the job,

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I go for it, and I have very high expectations

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of myself, and most of the time I succeed in

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what it is that I wish to do.

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But I.

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Exhaust myself and I probably had difficulties with being acknowledged

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for that what I was doing. So because I then

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didn't get the bonus or the attention that me or

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my team needed, I could get really frustrated and then

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this hypersensitivity for being hurt. Even in my job, I

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had to numb with substance.

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Well within and as you as you went through that

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experience of addiction. You know, we talk about addiction. I

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think so many people experience and I think you've talked

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about this the shame the guilt of addiction, and you

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know that that even compounds the issue even more so

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as you navigated through that, what were some of the

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things that you've done that you could share with the

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audience that may be experiencing a similar type of situation

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to help them to learn how to navigate through the process.

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Number one and number two, to understand what that hidden

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nature of addiction is so that people can start to

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remove that shame and that moral failure con and understand that, hey,

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this is what's happening. And then when you talk about

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how you overcame it and how other people can overcome it.

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Well, I think that most of the people that listen

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that recognize some kind of a hidden addiction have asked

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themselves this question. Do I have a problem? Do I

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drink too much to am I too much on social

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media or drugs?

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Is this controlling me? Do I need this to get

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through life? I've been having I've been asking myself this

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question from an early age.

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Because in the beginning, when I would party and then

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would be hungover the next day, I would have anxiety

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and I would feel guilty because I wasn't living up

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to the expectations. I wasn't performing, I didn't have the

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energy to start new things. I had a difficulty and

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the guilt feeling of resting as well. So yeah, I

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think that a lot of people recognize themselves or maybe

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their partner into sticking uh in in the concept of

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sticking the head in the sand and the wine in

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the hand, or what other addiction they have. The guilt

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and the shame have have been a huge problem for

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for me because I was my own worst enemy in

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this battle, and because I was always trying to overperform

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and to be this person that I wasn't really, I

274
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lost a lot of energy that I could have better

275
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used for for therapy, or for self help, or for education,

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or for for whatever other reason than to know myself.

277
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So the addiction, the drinking, the overstepping my borders would

278
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make my half my my glass half full, and as

279
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soon as I would be in in a comeback, then

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it would be more than half, it would be less

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than half full. And I've been fighting this like the

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constant being tired, feeling guilty, shame.

283
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In my head. I've become simply overthinking.

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And one of the things that helped me the most

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was to just accept that I lived my life like this.

286
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And I've always tried, through.

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Many things like therapy, yoga, mindfulness, tried to help myself.

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But what I didn't know is that I wasn't accepting

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myself and that I was not feeling comfortable with the

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way that I was deep down inside. I didn't even

291
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know how I was deep down inside because I always

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kept up the serrade.

293
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Well, excuse me. You know, you get into this concept

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of mindset, and I think you know, at least in

295
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my mind, that's what you're talking about, the fact that

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you know, if a person can get to the point

297
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where they're consciously aware of the fact that, Okay, this

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is who I am, this is what I'm experiencing, take

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away the guilt, take away the shame, this is just

300
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who I am. And at that point in time, don't

301
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you then start to gain a little bit of control

302
00:18:18.319 --> 00:18:23.599
and you can choose not to anymore be involved in

303
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that type of situation. Did you find yourself self sabotaging

304
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a lot.

305
00:18:28.039 --> 00:18:29.920
Yes, yes, for sure.

306
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I mean also, the ADHD is a thing that I

307
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like doing different things and start things and finishing something

308
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needs discipline, needs time, and that was something that I

309
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felt like I didn't have, and then if I would

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put pressure on it.

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It wouldn't go the way that it was supposed to go.

312
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That I'd instead of taking a deep breath, taking some

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time to think, call me what my next step was,

314
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I would get frustrated and rather let go of the project.

315
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So I think you've hit on a really important point

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for people who are wondering whether they happen to, you know,

317
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have this situation in their lives, the fact that you

318
00:19:08.759 --> 00:19:10.839
start on a project, but you don't finish, so you

319
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start on another project, you know, and so you've got

320
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all of these projects, none of which you finish, and

321
00:19:16.480 --> 00:19:19.200
you know, you're referring to that as self sabotage, and

322
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the reality is it's just a symptom of something much deeper,

323
00:19:23.920 --> 00:19:28.440
which we're referring to as ADHD. So as you went

324
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through that process, is you finally developed the mindset of

325
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accepting who you were and who you are? What were

326
00:19:35.759 --> 00:19:39.440
the steps that you've taken in order to start to

327
00:19:39.519 --> 00:19:44.759
overcome that, to get yourself out of the addiction, to

328
00:19:44.799 --> 00:19:49.400
be able to consciously start to do things and kind

329
00:19:49.440 --> 00:19:52.519
of move that ADHD to the side, recognizing that it's

330
00:19:52.559 --> 00:19:55.599
always there, so that you're able to start a project

331
00:19:55.680 --> 00:19:58.119
and finish it and some of these other things. What

332
00:19:58.160 --> 00:20:00.640
were the steps that you took you could share with

333
00:20:00.680 --> 00:20:03.240
the audience that has made a difference for you.

334
00:20:04.400 --> 00:20:06.960
Well over the years. The thing that I worked on

335
00:20:07.039 --> 00:20:13.599
from a young age has been a rhythm, like daily rhythm.

336
00:20:13.960 --> 00:20:19.160
Sports have kept me on track. I almost never stopped

337
00:20:19.200 --> 00:20:23.880
doing sports. It's really something that I need. I get

338
00:20:23.960 --> 00:20:26.079
up in the morning, I have a lot of energy,

339
00:20:26.279 --> 00:20:28.000
and if I go to the gym, I kind of

340
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balance that out and have a clearer mind to start

341
00:20:30.880 --> 00:20:31.279
the day.

342
00:20:32.680 --> 00:20:37.359
That's what I started with. Then I did some reading.

343
00:20:38.359 --> 00:20:42.960
There was a book which is called Emotional Alchemy that

344
00:20:43.279 --> 00:20:46.319
I read. I tried to read when I was twenty three,

345
00:20:46.920 --> 00:20:56.559
and that later on helped me understand myself better. Mindfulness

346
00:20:56.759 --> 00:21:00.720
courses just be in the moment, not to try to

347
00:21:01.119 --> 00:21:04.839
always think of what's next, and definitely not d well

348
00:21:04.880 --> 00:21:08.279
in the past. But the thing that helped me the

349
00:21:08.319 --> 00:21:15.960
most was the biggest step into finding myself was RTT hypnotherapy.

350
00:21:17.400 --> 00:21:21.079
I did a session with a German woman. I was

351
00:21:21.160 --> 00:21:23.960
recommended to her by a friend of mine who had

352
00:21:23.960 --> 00:21:26.960
a session with her as well, and she had me

353
00:21:27.359 --> 00:21:35.160
relive three moments and after we discussed the meaning of

354
00:21:35.200 --> 00:21:42.839
this three moments and we're three different times of my youth,

355
00:21:43.000 --> 00:21:47.039
one with my grandmother, one with my father, and one

356
00:21:47.440 --> 00:21:54.000
with my grand father. These three moments explained seeing as

357
00:21:54.000 --> 00:21:57.920
an adult and then first you look through the eyes

358
00:21:57.960 --> 00:22:01.279
of the little child that's involved in situation, and then

359
00:22:01.319 --> 00:22:06.519
as an adult in this case, together with this therapist,

360
00:22:06.960 --> 00:22:09.720
you look at what is happening and you get this

361
00:22:11.000 --> 00:22:14.480
view of a person who is not brought up in

362
00:22:14.599 --> 00:22:18.759
my world and helps me explain what it is that

363
00:22:18.839 --> 00:22:22.319
happened there and what I felt at that moment I

364
00:22:22.559 --> 00:22:29.599
was missing. And another exercise in this RTT hypnotherapy session

365
00:22:29.920 --> 00:22:33.319
that I did it It took four weeks.

366
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There were several phases and one.

367
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Was to sit next to my younger self in the

368
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room where I grew up. I could really vision, I

369
00:22:43.480 --> 00:22:47.799
could really see the room, the details of the room,

370
00:22:48.359 --> 00:22:52.279
and I, as an adult, took place next to my

371
00:22:52.400 --> 00:22:55.920
younger self and I asked my younger self how I

372
00:22:55.960 --> 00:23:00.359
was feeling, and I could really at that moment owns

373
00:23:00.519 --> 00:23:04.960
feel that there was this little boy feeling lost and

374
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not seen, feeling different from others.

375
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And the exercise was to tell him.

376
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That what he needed to hear, and then the next

377
00:23:16.640 --> 00:23:21.519
step was to embrace him, lock him in my heart.

378
00:23:21.599 --> 00:23:22.759
It was a visualization.

379
00:23:23.400 --> 00:23:27.759
And after I did that, after these four weeks, I

380
00:23:27.799 --> 00:23:33.799
got a recording which was like a guided meditation which

381
00:23:34.279 --> 00:23:41.079
would help me like reprogram my subconsciousness. And I did

382
00:23:41.079 --> 00:23:45.240
that for three weeks every day and through the whole

383
00:23:45.240 --> 00:23:48.359
process is four weeks, I just felt I was letting go,

384
00:23:48.480 --> 00:23:53.839
I was understanding, I was more, I was less, less

385
00:23:53.880 --> 00:23:55.279
angry or frustrated.

386
00:23:55.680 --> 00:23:59.799
I was not against my youth or the things that

387
00:24:00.160 --> 00:24:01.559
and in my youth.

388
00:24:02.240 --> 00:24:07.000
I have quite an okay relationship with my parents. Now,

389
00:24:08.559 --> 00:24:11.519
if we understand each other completely, I would say no,

390
00:24:12.079 --> 00:24:16.960
but we're good with each other. And this helped me

391
00:24:17.759 --> 00:24:22.480
understand my parents more and respect that what they did

392
00:24:22.680 --> 00:24:25.400
was what they could give me at that time, and

393
00:24:25.440 --> 00:24:28.839
therefore I'm thankful. This is also something that I write

394
00:24:28.839 --> 00:24:31.440
about in the book because it's very important. I think

395
00:24:32.559 --> 00:24:36.640
I read once that they are there, they are here

396
00:24:36.720 --> 00:24:39.000
for the first time as well in this role. So

397
00:24:39.119 --> 00:24:41.680
if you look at it like that, you know, why

398
00:24:41.680 --> 00:24:44.319
would you be so hard on them, especially if you

399
00:24:44.400 --> 00:24:49.279
know that they did their best. So after the RTT

400
00:24:49.480 --> 00:24:52.359
hypno therapy session session, I got.

401
00:24:53.680 --> 00:25:00.319
More interested in generational trauma. So I did, Oh God,

402
00:25:00.680 --> 00:25:03.440
I have blackout. I did a family.

403
00:25:03.119 --> 00:25:07.519
Consolation, and there I also found that there were some

404
00:25:08.200 --> 00:25:13.319
difficulties that I was struggling with that were passed on

405
00:25:13.400 --> 00:25:16.519
to me from a different generation. And this is all

406
00:25:17.079 --> 00:25:20.160
pretty much in the same direction. So there's a few

407
00:25:20.240 --> 00:25:26.039
things that I did and it all pointed me into

408
00:25:26.720 --> 00:25:30.920
the same direction. And I tried to clean myself from

409
00:25:31.200 --> 00:25:38.559
beliefs and patterns from different generations or my behavior towards

410
00:25:38.599 --> 00:25:44.359
expectations from others, and step by step in each chapter

411
00:25:44.960 --> 00:25:48.720
of writing my book, I write also in the realizations.

412
00:25:48.759 --> 00:25:53.480
After every topic, I felt lighter. I would wake up

413
00:25:53.559 --> 00:25:55.960
in the morning and I would be like, oh, oh wow,

414
00:25:56.279 --> 00:25:57.359
that really happened.

415
00:25:57.680 --> 00:25:59.880
It was a super interesting thing for me to do

416
00:26:00.400 --> 00:26:01.720
because all.

417
00:26:01.559 --> 00:26:07.400
These things and writing them down chronologically gave me more

418
00:26:07.519 --> 00:26:11.000
and clear insights of what was happening. And the whole

419
00:26:11.039 --> 00:26:15.640
process of writing the book has been into together with

420
00:26:15.759 --> 00:26:22.440
the with the RTT hypnotherapy and the family Consolation have

421
00:26:22.559 --> 00:26:29.079
been life changing for me. I actually stopped reading the

422
00:26:29.880 --> 00:26:32.480
revisioned version of my book yesterday.

423
00:26:32.799 --> 00:26:35.480
I finished it yesterday, so I had to go through

424
00:26:35.519 --> 00:26:36.079
all the.

425
00:26:36.119 --> 00:26:39.039
Chapters one more time and see if there were some

426
00:26:39.640 --> 00:26:45.400
maybe some spellings or spacing mistakes still left. And it's

427
00:26:45.519 --> 00:26:48.279
quite a right. There's a lot of things happening, but

428
00:26:48.599 --> 00:26:50.000
it's great.

429
00:26:51.559 --> 00:26:52.799
I'm talking about my own book.

430
00:26:52.839 --> 00:26:57.839
But I'm one year away from ending the writing phase

431
00:26:57.880 --> 00:27:01.519
of the book, and reading my book again a year

432
00:27:01.599 --> 00:27:06.480
later makes it even easier for me to understand and

433
00:27:06.680 --> 00:27:10.599
even more difficult for me to realize that I have

434
00:27:10.799 --> 00:27:12.720
been in denial for so long.

435
00:27:13.039 --> 00:27:15.839
Well, and you know, you talk about so many things,

436
00:27:15.839 --> 00:27:19.119
and you know, you talk about the hypnotherapy, very specific

437
00:27:19.160 --> 00:27:22.680
type of hypnotherapy, and it reminds me of things that

438
00:27:22.720 --> 00:27:25.200
I was trained in doing, as far as something called

439
00:27:25.200 --> 00:27:30.359
neuro linguistic programming NLP, where you take someone back and

440
00:27:30.599 --> 00:27:32.480
or help them to get back to that point where

441
00:27:32.480 --> 00:27:36.559
they're able to recognize those traumas within their early childhood.

442
00:27:36.920 --> 00:27:38.599
And I think the other thing that you've hit on

443
00:27:38.640 --> 00:27:41.880
that is so important that people just don't really understand

444
00:27:42.440 --> 00:27:46.559
is a generational trauma that gets embedded in your DNA,

445
00:27:47.079 --> 00:27:51.680
And so then we get these epigenetics where you've got

446
00:27:51.799 --> 00:27:55.279
this in there, and based on certain circumstances, you will

447
00:27:55.359 --> 00:27:59.960
respond to a large jury based on that epigenetic history,

448
00:28:00.279 --> 00:28:02.960
and all of a sudden, we find ourselves living a

449
00:28:03.039 --> 00:28:06.799
life that isn't ours and it was not intended for

450
00:28:06.920 --> 00:28:09.359
us to be. And the fact that you went through

451
00:28:09.400 --> 00:28:13.960
meditation and through those affirmations, through the guided meditation to

452
00:28:14.039 --> 00:28:17.839
where you literally started to change your brain patterns and

453
00:28:19.319 --> 00:28:22.559
do that from a neurological standpoint, I mean everything you

454
00:28:22.680 --> 00:28:27.519
have described I think is so incredible and so essential

455
00:28:28.079 --> 00:28:30.279
that you have been able to do that and to

456
00:28:30.359 --> 00:28:34.319
start to overcome that. And so as you talk about

457
00:28:34.720 --> 00:28:37.279
authenticity in your life, what does that mean? What does

458
00:28:37.319 --> 00:28:40.559
it mean to have a life of purpose, a life

459
00:28:40.599 --> 00:28:46.119
of authenticity? And how would you recommend that can be accomplished?

460
00:28:46.319 --> 00:28:50.400
Well, first of all, I think it is it's probably

461
00:28:51.119 --> 00:28:55.240
most people's fear that things will change, and that's the

462
00:28:55.279 --> 00:28:58.920
reason why they sometimes don't want to dig into things

463
00:28:59.039 --> 00:28:59.480
too deep.

464
00:29:00.720 --> 00:29:07.359
Was for me similar to that, similar you sorry, can

465
00:29:07.359 --> 00:29:11.000
you can you say the question again? I'm getting like one.

466
00:29:11.960 --> 00:29:14.720
That's fine. So one of the things you talk about

467
00:29:16.319 --> 00:29:20.640
is having an authentic life, living an authentic life, and

468
00:29:21.359 --> 00:29:24.279
you know, so for people who are really wanting to

469
00:29:24.839 --> 00:29:30.640
have a purposeful life, a life of authenticity, what was

470
00:29:30.680 --> 00:29:33.519
your journey and how would you help them to start

471
00:29:33.920 --> 00:29:35.160
that program?

472
00:29:35.440 --> 00:29:40.240
Yeah, so a lot of examples I already gave.

473
00:29:41.480 --> 00:29:45.960
So I'm homosexual. I didn't really have a coming out,

474
00:29:46.119 --> 00:29:49.319
but I left my parents' place when I was sixteen

475
00:29:49.400 --> 00:29:53.960
years old, and then I started dating man and around eighteen,

476
00:29:55.240 --> 00:29:58.319
my brother confronted my parents with it and I came

477
00:29:58.359 --> 00:30:00.240
out that it was not really a coming out as

478
00:30:00.519 --> 00:30:03.240
other people did. But this was one of the signs too.

479
00:30:03.519 --> 00:30:06.279
So I've been living a homosexual life, but I never

480
00:30:07.039 --> 00:30:11.279
really accepted it fully. I always adapted to the room

481
00:30:11.359 --> 00:30:14.920
again to what that I thought was expected of me

482
00:30:15.720 --> 00:30:18.160
at the moment from the people that I was with,

483
00:30:18.680 --> 00:30:22.519
and this was one of them. This was one of

484
00:30:22.559 --> 00:30:27.079
the points. And another one would be the hypersensitivity. It's

485
00:30:27.119 --> 00:30:31.319
something like being very sensitive can be very nice, but

486
00:30:31.400 --> 00:30:34.279
it can be also very difficult for people to deal

487
00:30:34.319 --> 00:30:39.559
with the fact that I embrace my sensitivity now and

488
00:30:39.640 --> 00:30:42.319
that I see it as a part of me as

489
00:30:42.359 --> 00:30:46.119
soon as somebody is condescendent of it. I asked myself

490
00:30:46.119 --> 00:30:49.559
the question, do I need this because I cannot change myself?

491
00:30:49.599 --> 00:30:52.319
This is who I am? And do I need to

492
00:30:52.440 --> 00:30:55.640
have this person judge me for it? Or do I

493
00:30:55.799 --> 00:30:59.720
need to swallow because this person doesn't want to deal

494
00:30:59.759 --> 00:31:02.799
with it, or doesn't want to self reflect or is

495
00:31:02.920 --> 00:31:07.640
not respectful towards my feelings. And this is a concept

496
00:31:07.680 --> 00:31:12.039
that I learned throughout the years, throughout the writing process,

497
00:31:12.319 --> 00:31:15.759
seeing the same thing over and over again, writing down

498
00:31:15.799 --> 00:31:20.599
my own mistakes, then correcting my own mistakes, then analyzing

499
00:31:20.640 --> 00:31:26.359
them through the child eyes or the young adult eyes,

500
00:31:26.440 --> 00:31:29.240
and then through the adult that I am right now

501
00:31:29.279 --> 00:31:30.119
and the person that.

502
00:31:30.079 --> 00:31:31.000
Is writing the book.

503
00:31:32.200 --> 00:31:36.559
It's something which is very which takes quite a lot

504
00:31:36.559 --> 00:31:38.880
of time. You can just say, Okay, I'm gonna live

505
00:31:38.880 --> 00:31:44.799
an authentic life. You surround yourself with people on the

506
00:31:44.839 --> 00:31:48.480
same frequency of trauma, the same.

507
00:31:48.319 --> 00:31:51.039
Level of trauma. That's how you That's how I pick

508
00:31:51.160 --> 00:31:56.319
my my relationships. And first I needed to see that,

509
00:31:56.720 --> 00:31:57.759
and then I needed.

510
00:31:57.519 --> 00:32:03.920
To slowly stripped down these these beliefs that I had

511
00:32:04.319 --> 00:32:06.640
and ask myself, why and.

512
00:32:06.599 --> 00:32:08.960
What do I want what do what do I want?

513
00:32:09.039 --> 00:32:10.839
What do I really? What do I like?

514
00:32:11.319 --> 00:32:15.200
And I really needed to take the time to get

515
00:32:15.200 --> 00:32:19.039
to this point, to to read the book, to to

516
00:32:19.039 --> 00:32:21.799
to to write the book. I needed to take the time,

517
00:32:21.839 --> 00:32:22.599
and I needed to.

518
00:32:22.720 --> 00:32:28.480
Let all these new beliefs and feelings also find its

519
00:32:28.640 --> 00:32:33.839
place inside of me, because I was pretty judgmental towards

520
00:32:34.160 --> 00:32:36.799
others but also towards my and like I said before,

521
00:32:36.839 --> 00:32:40.039
I was was my worst worst enemy.

522
00:32:40.559 --> 00:32:45.160
And uh, there's a lot of people with a lot

523
00:32:45.200 --> 00:32:50.480
of luggage and damage, and not everybody has a clean

524
00:32:50.599 --> 00:32:57.119
slate opening opening up about it, being honest about it first,

525
00:32:57.119 --> 00:32:59.559
maybe to your best friend or somebody that you that

526
00:32:59.640 --> 00:33:02.559
you can that you think you can trust completely without

527
00:33:02.720 --> 00:33:07.319
them judging you or guiding you in a specific direction.

528
00:33:07.880 --> 00:33:11.359
And therapy, I mean there's lots of forms of therapy,

529
00:33:11.400 --> 00:33:16.200
but I was in a group therapy and being there

530
00:33:16.759 --> 00:33:23.640
listening to other people dealing with similar problems gave me

531
00:33:24.960 --> 00:33:30.279
better insights. It made me be less hard on myself.

532
00:33:31.119 --> 00:33:34.160
It made me feel less shame because I realized that.

533
00:33:34.160 --> 00:33:34.880
I'm not alone.

534
00:33:35.359 --> 00:33:39.720
And this is also a bit how I how I

535
00:33:39.759 --> 00:33:42.079
set up the book. The book is supposed to be

536
00:33:42.720 --> 00:33:45.559
this friend that you can trust. There's some questions in it,

537
00:33:45.599 --> 00:33:50.839
there's some topics in it. There's mostly the realizations after

538
00:33:50.920 --> 00:33:56.920
writing down a specific story, what happened to me, Things

539
00:33:56.960 --> 00:34:02.640
I say to myself like mantras, funny things, but also

540
00:34:02.759 --> 00:34:04.039
very serious things.

541
00:34:05.119 --> 00:34:08.280
It's uh, it's a it's a process.

542
00:34:08.480 --> 00:34:13.199
First of all, the just accept yourself, forgive you, forgive

543
00:34:13.280 --> 00:34:17.360
yourself or that what you are ashamed of because you

544
00:34:17.400 --> 00:34:21.440
can't change it anyway. The shame will just hold you down.

545
00:34:22.079 --> 00:34:27.280
And what I noticed now talking about it openly to

546
00:34:27.360 --> 00:34:29.679
the publisher, to the writing cost, to some of the

547
00:34:29.719 --> 00:34:33.239
people that have already read the book, you're the second

548
00:34:33.360 --> 00:34:38.360
podcast I'm doing, it kind of spreads light for me

549
00:34:38.559 --> 00:34:44.360
to talk about it in the examples that I mentioned before.

550
00:34:44.800 --> 00:34:46.639
The feedback that I'm getting.

551
00:34:48.280 --> 00:34:52.639
Helps me to stay on this path also to to

552
00:34:52.639 --> 00:34:59.239
to keep being authentic. Also, the probably biggest benefit of

553
00:34:59.320 --> 00:35:03.760
being author is that you attract the people that actually fit. Yes,

554
00:35:03.800 --> 00:35:07.760
so you have people understanding or wanting to understand you,

555
00:35:08.320 --> 00:35:12.000
instead of people holding you down, talking back at you,

556
00:35:12.280 --> 00:35:13.519
or talking.

557
00:35:13.199 --> 00:35:13.920
Down to you.

558
00:35:15.960 --> 00:35:19.960
And this creates a lot more comfortable life.

559
00:35:20.159 --> 00:35:22.000
Well, and you know, as you talk about it, and

560
00:35:22.079 --> 00:35:24.639
I love what you talked about, the fact that you

561
00:35:24.679 --> 00:35:27.360
know as you, as you really are able to identify

562
00:35:27.400 --> 00:35:30.519
what your true values are, what your passions are, and

563
00:35:30.559 --> 00:35:33.320
then start to align your life with that. So often

564
00:35:33.360 --> 00:35:35.960
we live everybody else's life but our own. And to

565
00:35:36.000 --> 00:35:38.079
be able to really get to the point where you

566
00:35:38.119 --> 00:35:41.960
can identify your your values, your passions and then align

567
00:35:42.000 --> 00:35:44.800
yourself with that, and as you say, start to go

568
00:35:44.920 --> 00:35:48.239
through some of these processes that you've shared, I think

569
00:35:48.280 --> 00:35:51.760
can make such a difference in people's lives. So you know,

570
00:35:51.880 --> 00:35:55.360
I love the story. How do people find your book? Again,

571
00:35:55.440 --> 00:35:58.719
it's called Hidden Addiction, right, Yes.

572
00:35:58.599 --> 00:36:03.079
Get an addiction head and send wine in the hand. Yeah,

573
00:36:03.159 --> 00:36:06.039
how do people find my book? It's very interesting and

574
00:36:06.320 --> 00:36:08.480
not a lot of people have read the book yet.

575
00:36:09.280 --> 00:36:11.800
Obviously, I just finished this last phase.

576
00:36:11.599 --> 00:36:15.639
With the publisher and the editor, and I've been getting

577
00:36:15.679 --> 00:36:19.519
some really positive feedback, but also some very interesting feedback.

578
00:36:20.519 --> 00:36:22.159
This book is not for everybody.

579
00:36:22.400 --> 00:36:25.960
I'm being completely open and honest and transparent, and I'm

580
00:36:26.000 --> 00:36:28.480
trying to always talk from my position.

581
00:36:29.000 --> 00:36:32.719
I'm trying to explain how I perceive things and what it.

582
00:36:32.679 --> 00:36:35.920
Did to me back then, what it's doing to me

583
00:36:36.079 --> 00:36:38.000
right now, and what I'm changing.

584
00:36:39.440 --> 00:36:43.440
The again, I lost I lost track?

585
00:36:43.719 --> 00:36:46.400
Is it ultimately? Are you planning to ultimately get it

586
00:36:46.440 --> 00:36:49.440
on Amazon? I mean obviously you're you're in your early

587
00:36:49.480 --> 00:36:51.719
stages right now. But will it be on Amazon in

588
00:36:51.760 --> 00:36:52.119
a while?

589
00:36:52.280 --> 00:36:55.920
Yes, yes, But when the podcast is out, it will

590
00:36:55.920 --> 00:36:57.320
be out and about.

591
00:36:57.639 --> 00:36:59.920
Okay, that's the key then, so folk, it's going to

592
00:36:59.960 --> 00:37:03.480
be on Amazon. Obviously we pre record these and we've

593
00:37:03.480 --> 00:37:05.199
done this a little bit earlier than when it's going

594
00:37:05.239 --> 00:37:10.480
to be published. But that's great. So as we finish here, Marcus,

595
00:37:11.199 --> 00:37:14.880
and you've said some incredible things and shared some incredible truths,

596
00:37:14.920 --> 00:37:18.440
I believe, But what would be that message that you

597
00:37:18.639 --> 00:37:21.119
just kind of leave with the audience.

598
00:37:22.480 --> 00:37:26.760
Honesty first, first with yourself, then towards the other people.

599
00:37:27.119 --> 00:37:34.079
Like I said, just now, being authentic might speaking your

600
00:37:34.199 --> 00:37:38.639
truth might create a different environment. You might lose some

601
00:37:38.719 --> 00:37:43.440
friendships or you might gain some. This is the thing

602
00:37:43.559 --> 00:37:46.119
that helped me the most, And in the book I

603
00:37:46.239 --> 00:37:50.960
explained chapter by chapter how I found it easier to

604
00:37:51.119 --> 00:37:55.679
live the more authentic life, and I think everybody should

605
00:37:55.719 --> 00:37:56.000
do that.

606
00:37:56.440 --> 00:38:00.199
I think in my case, I'm talking about addiction. The

607
00:38:00.239 --> 00:38:02.239
book is called in an addiction at the.

608
00:38:02.320 --> 00:38:07.400
End, I see the addiction that I was afraid of

609
00:38:07.599 --> 00:38:10.639
as a coping mechanism, for that's what I was trying

610
00:38:10.719 --> 00:38:14.280
to deal with, or trying to not accept or to

611
00:38:14.760 --> 00:38:22.360
go through. And the book helped me see what is

612
00:38:22.400 --> 00:38:26.559
important to me and being my authentic self has created

613
00:38:26.559 --> 00:38:32.119
the surrounding of people and relationships and business that makes

614
00:38:32.119 --> 00:38:35.480
me feel in alignment and like this, I wish everybody

615
00:38:35.480 --> 00:38:36.000
could live.

616
00:38:36.320 --> 00:38:39.559
Oh wonderful, wonderful Marcus. Thank you so much. You've been

617
00:38:39.599 --> 00:38:43.639
extremely transparent and you know what. For you to be

618
00:38:43.760 --> 00:38:50.079
transparent and to literally be willing to share that that vulnerability,

619
00:38:50.280 --> 00:38:53.800
I think you know is so tough to experience. And

620
00:38:53.880 --> 00:38:58.400
yet that's the very thing, the transparency, the vulnerability is

621
00:38:58.480 --> 00:39:01.320
what can help us all to really move in the

622
00:39:01.400 --> 00:39:03.880
direction that we would love to move in. So thank

623
00:39:03.920 --> 00:39:05.960
you so much. I appreciate you being on the show.

624
00:39:06.280 --> 00:39:09.719
Thank you for saying that that keeps me going.

625
00:39:10.280 --> 00:39:14.199
Great. Well, folks, I hope you've enjoyed this, and you know, again,

626
00:39:14.239 --> 00:39:16.440
by the time this gets published, go on Amazon and

627
00:39:16.480 --> 00:39:19.559
find that book Hidding Addiction, and look forward to having

628
00:39:19.559 --> 00:39:23.480
your join us again soon. So this is doctor Doug saying, now,

629
00:39:23.599 --> 00:39:24.000
mis stay