WEBVTT
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This program is designed to provide general information with regards
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to the subject matters covered. This information is given with
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the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station
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are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,
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legal counseling, professional service, or any advice. You should seek
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the services of competent professionals before applying or trying any
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suggested ideas.
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At the end of the day, it's not about what
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you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what
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you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up,
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who you've made better. It's about what you've given back.
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Denzel Washington, welcome to inspire vision. Our sole purpose is
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to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you
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to do the same.
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Marcus, welcome to the show.
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Thank you, welcome, Welcome Mere Are you.
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Good and how are you doing fine? I'm fine.
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I'm looking forward to this podcast. This is the second
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one I'm recording. I'm a little nervous because i had
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to stress to get here on time, but I'm hoping
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that that will ease out through the through the talk.
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Got it, Yeah, I'm sure I will so, so one
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of the questions, you know, let the audience know, where
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are you at at this point in time, where do
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you live.
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I'm in Berlin.
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I'm originally from the Netherlands, from Rotterdam. I've been living
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here ten years and my original my my my language
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is Dutch and speaking German here. But I chose to
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write my book that we will discuss later, I think
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in English.
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So yes, yes, we will. We will discuss your book.
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So when it comes to the languages.
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Oh, that's great, that's great. So what I'd love for
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you to do obviously you've written your book, but I
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want I want you to share with the audience. And
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I know that there's probably in the book. Share with
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your audience your journey, what what when did it all begin?
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And you know, what were some of the things that
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happened and what brought you to the point of writing
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the book?
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Several things.
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Probably the most important thing that made me really dig
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into myself is the patterns that kept reoccurring, and in business,
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in private relationship, and even even in friendships.
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I kept running into the same problems. And the last
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time I was.
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In a relationship that involved there there was some drugs involved,
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and it really escalated.
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Into a fight where there.
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Was a lot of glass and porcelain destroyed and blood
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because my ex walked through the glass through the apartment.
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Yeah, the.
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Day that all.
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Ended, after the post he left my apartment, I was like, Okay,
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so I really need to know how to draw my borders,
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how to say no and yeah, to protect myself, and
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also to know myself.
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Because I was completely lost at that moment.
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And then this is obviously a very dramatic event. But
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before that, I had some escalations and I tried to
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find myself, get to know myself, get to know my borders,
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and deal with the difficulties in life sometimes and somehow
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I needed this very intense and dramatic lesson to see reality,
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to accept the way the way that i'm I feel
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like I was programmed and I needed to learn this lesson,
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and unfortunately I needed to learn it the hard way.
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And because.
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Because of this, and because of the fact that I
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tried so many times, I started writing the book, not
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with the idea to actually publish it from the beginning,
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but I put so much time and energy in it
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and it brought me so much that I decided to
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share it.
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So let me ask you a question. I know that
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you talk about addiction, you're talking about drug and so forth,
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and we're going to talk about ADHD because I know
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that's one of your main main points. But if you
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don't mind, and if it's a problem, say no. But
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I'd love for you. You know, you said you kind of
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found yourself lost in your life. I want you to
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go back and talk about what were the root causes
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of this that caused you to go in that direction
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that you're experiencing such great loss and really it sounds
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like a lot of confusion.
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Yeah, well, ADHD is something that you probably or let
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me talk just about myself that I feel after writing
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the book, after seeing the patterns some generational trauma. As
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a child, I learned to adapt to the room, and
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I think that because of this, I created a kind
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of hyper sensitivity and I always concentrated on reading the
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room and adapting to that what I thought would be
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perceived best. And I have in my family.
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There is some hypersensitivity. There is.
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My mom's pretty sensitive, my grandmother was pretty sensitive, and
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both of them were raised in a pretty controlled environment.
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And I believe that the same goes for my mom
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and her mom that the emotional connection with the.
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Parent was not really there.
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And because of this, I feel like in my case,
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I've always tried to adapt to that what I thought
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was needed, and I concentrate on a lot of other things.
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Sometimes are important.
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So I'm kind of like feeling and I'm looking around
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a lot, and this distracts me a lot, and I
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think that my ADHD comes from this. As a young child,
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I was born in the eighties. They were not talking
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about ADHD back then in school in Netherlands, and the
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first time I got tested was when I was at
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my early twenties, nineteen twenty, and then they prescribed me
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as a medication and I didn't like the concept of that,
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so I denied. I denied the medication, but I also
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denied the ADHD, and I kept moving on forward. As
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the subtitle is called Head in the Sand, Wine in
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the Hand, I started to self medicate, first with alcohol,
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then combination with drugs, and after writing the book, I thought,
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you know what, let me let me get tested again,
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let me see what this is. And I started seeing
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more and more things about ADHD online and because you know,
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the algorithm gives you more once you like it, once
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you click on it, once you once you watch things
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that you're interested in.
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And I got tested again and.
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It turned out I have quite a strong form of it,
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and again got advice to use.
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Back then it was written.
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In and now there was another form which was only
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short working short, like a short term like for four hours.
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And I now take that when I need to concentrate
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on administration or things that I find it very difficult
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to concentrate with.
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Well, you know. And it's so interesting because, as you say,
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back in you know, back in the early eighties and
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so forth, I didn't really talk a lot about ADHD,
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and and quite frankly, even now, when I hear the
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word HDHD, I immediately think of those who have been
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serving in their enforces and have come back from Iraq
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or from some of those different wars and the trauma
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that has occurred there that has affected them. And I'm
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not sure that people understand, and I'm one of them.
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I had no idea the symptomology number one of ADHD,
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but secondarily the causes that can occur because of that,
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and the fact that in many cases is I've done
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a little bit of research on it prior to this
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podcast that it can definitely, although it's not a root cause,
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the symptomology that causes ADHD also, as you say, in
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order to try to deal with that often ends up
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with addiction, whether it's alcohol or drugs or whatever that
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happens to be. So when you talk about ADHD, and
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I'm assuming that this did not come from their armed forces,
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right from a war.
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Well no, not at all.
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Okay, So what I want you to do is share
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with the audience what you experienced symptomology wise, and also,
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as you've researched a bit, how do people understand as
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they're observing some of their behavior that potentially they should
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really go get tested to see whether or not they
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have ADHD. What were your symptoms?
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Yeah, so there's a lot of There are different symptoms.
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You know, people like talking about the example that you
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put your car key somewhere and you don't know where
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it is.
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I'm actually quite structured.
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I know where Macarty is, and I'm very punctual, so
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I'm never liked. But the concentration problem that I have,
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For instance, if I tried to read a letter a
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letter and it doesn't.
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Matter any know which one of these three languages.
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This is I just find it hard to stay focused
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on what I'm leading, what I'm reading, unless it is
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something that I program myself to see it for and
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I take the time to read. Then I can read perfectly.
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I can read super fast when I'm concentrated, but I
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need to be concentrated. This is probably the thing and
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the hyper sensitivity. These things are probably the strongest signals
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for me. What I also have is something that I
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use in my in my business when I work with
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people I used to be in sales, is I can
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read the room really well, so I can I can
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really see what somebody needs, how somebody is feeling, maybe
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they just went through something. I can pick these things
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up super fast, and I can put myself in them in.
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Their position as well.
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So in my business I can because I know really
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well how to read the room, I can change.
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The energy as well.
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And in my business it's a good thing if you're
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trying to have a normal conversation with your partner and
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you're constantly checking what is happening around you, just so
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that you don't lose control of your surroundings. It's obviously
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not a very good thing, but it's for me very
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complicated to turn this off.
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Well, you know, as you talk about that, and it's interesting,
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you know, I years ago I attended a workshop talking
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about different things and they weren't talking about ADHD, but
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as you just were saying something about how you were
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always checking around, what comes to my mind is a
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concept of spatial thinker, you know, and and so often
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we find kids that are in school that are you know,
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birdlands on the window and they're over there and something's happening,
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and they're over there because they have that spatial awareness
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that you were talking about. And at the time, which
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was again years ago, they were talking about how people,
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how particularly children in school, don't understand that, you know,
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this is what they're experiencing, and the teachers basically saying, no,
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you've got some kind of attention deficit or whatever, and
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going to put them on drugs, some kind of medication.
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But it sounds like, and to some degree, what you're
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talking about is that this is one of the symptomologies
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of ADHD, that spatial awareness that you just have to
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kind of check everything around. So as you found yourself,
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as you found yourself trying to deal with a lot
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of these things through the alcohol through the drugs. What
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would you say were the main emotions that you were
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trying to calm down. Was it that constant trying to
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be aware of everything around you or what were some
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of the other things you talked about the fact that
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you're very specific and heightened in your emotions.
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Probably exhaustion because of constantly being on.
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I turned on the on switch.
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I mean, you're constantly trying to focus on everything that's
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happening around you so that you don't miss anything that
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makes you tired.
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In my work, I like.
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To impress people. I need to reach my goals. I
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am super motivated. I will say more than one hundred
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percent once I do something. Once I take the job,
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I go for it, and I have very high expectations
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of myself, and most of the time I succeed in
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what it is that I wish to do.
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But I.
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Exhaust myself and I probably had difficulties with being acknowledged
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for that what I was doing. So because I then
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didn't get the bonus or the attention that me or
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my team needed, I could get really frustrated and then
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this hypersensitivity for being hurt. Even in my job, I
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had to numb with substance.
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Well within and as you as you went through that
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experience of addiction. You know, we talk about addiction. I