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This program is designed to provide general information with regards
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to the subject matters covered. This information is given with
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the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station
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are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial, legal, counseling,
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professional service, or any advice. You should seek the services
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of competent professionals before applying or trying any suggested ideas.
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I have spent years in conversation with people who are
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successful by every measure and still quietly restless, not broken,
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not lost, just aware somewhere underneath the noise that there
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is a version of their life that feels more honest,
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more grounded, more genuinely theirs. This podcast exists for those people,
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for the ones who are done performing and ready to
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go deeper.
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My name is Dr. Doug. Welcome to Inspire Vision. I
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am glad you are here. Chip, welcome.
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Dr. Daga, I'm so glad to be here. Thank you
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very much.
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Oh, and I'm really excited, as we were just chatting
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a little bit before. Your focus has become so similar
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and analogous to what I am so focused on now
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that I'm really looking forward to this conversation. I'd love
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for you to kind of share with the audience your
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background very quickly, talk a little bit about your book
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that you've written, and then... We'll get into all of
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the other topics that we want to talk about.
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Yeah, you know, it's funny because I've kind of defined
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myself differently these days than I have. I've spent the
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last 30 years as an executive coach and a facilitator
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and a speaker and all those kind of things. But
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now I really call myself an author, a speaker, and
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a craftsperson. You can see behind me a whole bunch
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of different wooden objects. Those are all things that I've made. Wow.
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I love woodturning. In fact, I was just out finishing
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a couple of Christmas ornaments while we were waiting for
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time to speak. I think when you become a coach
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and you start to have some of your own thoughts
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and you read pretty broadly and you read all the
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great people, the John Maxwells and the Stephen Coveys and that,
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you start to get your own idea. And that led
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to writing a book, which is Small Decisions, Big Shifts.
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That came out in October of last year. Took me
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10 years to write it. And there's a story that
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goes along with that, but I'll save that for another time.
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And I'm You know, I was so thoroughly enjoying the
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writing process that I wrote another one. It took me
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about a month and a half to write it. And
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that one was Every Dog Has His Day. That came
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out in March of this year. And I just kept going.
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It took me about six months to write another one
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called Handoffs, which is about family business. That's coming out
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in October of this year. And I'm working on another
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one for next year.
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Oh, that's fantastic. So you know what's always interesting? Here
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you have this major business orientation that you've done for years.
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I had a dental practice for 21 years before neurological
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situations eliminated that. But what I find interesting is the
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journey that people are on, particularly as I have an
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opportunity to visit with them like this, and to see
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how that journey has changed their life to the point
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that they're doing now what they're doing. So for instance,
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what you're doing now is so different, I think, from
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what you used to do. What was your journey?
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What happened? And how did that change take place? Was
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it gradual? Was it sudden?
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Well, I was, I was a big company guy, you know,
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so I worked for Del Monte, which at the time
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was an independent company, but it ended up selling to
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RJ Reynolds while I was working for them, selling beans
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and corn and ketchup in Charlotte and Atlanta, left them,
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ended up in the air freight business and was selling
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for them in Atlanta, got promoted to a district manager
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position in Tampa. And then got promoted again and sent
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to Los Angeles. Talking about quite the cultural shock to
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go from Tampa, Florida to Los Angeles. I'd grown up
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in Chicago, so big cities weren't that much of a
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mystery to me. But my wife and kids had a
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difficult transition with the culture. But along the way, I
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ended up working for a company called BFI. It was
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a trash company at the time. And, you know, it's
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funny because all of the companies that I worked for
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don't exist in their same form today.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, most of them are gone. But in May of 98,
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I got laid off. And BFI was going to sell.
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We didn't know it at the time, but they were
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going to sell about six months later. And they were
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getting rid of all the people who knew where the
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bodies were buried. So, you know, I was a lobbyist.
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And I'd been a lobbyist for 10 years. So I
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got laid off and I called my wife and I said, hey,
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guess what? I'd got the package. And she said, great.
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She said, so what do you want to do? And
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I said, I know a couple of things. I know
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I don't want to do it here. And I don't
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want to work for anybody else. And I want to
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hang my own shingle. And she said, OK, let's figure
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it out. So we spent about a year. We came
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back to North Carolina. We started building a house, went
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back to L.A., took temporary permanent jobs, and made our
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plans to move. And so in July of 99, we
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moved to North Carolina. We moved in a 19-foot travel
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trailer with five cats, two dogs, and three humans.
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Wow.
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Yeah.
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That's another story. Spent a month and a half on
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the road coming from the West Coast to the East Coast.
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In fact, we put her feet in the Pacific in
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Santa Monica and put them in the Atlantic outside of Charleston,
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South Carolina. Just had a great time. And we got
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back here and then all of a sudden we had
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to figure out what we wanted to do. you know,
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my wife and I didn't have a job. Um, we
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had a grown daughter that was, uh, that was with
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us as well. And, you know, um, my wife started
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a business, I started a business and here we are
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almost 30 years later. Um, I, I don't think the
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business is the same today as it was when I
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started out. Certainly I, you know, I, I wanted to
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be a, um, a platform speaker, you know, somebody who
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speaks for a living and, and, uh, And I found
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out that that is just a lonely job. You know,
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you get all kinds of love when you're on stage
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for two hours. And in fact, I heard a comedian
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talk about this because it's the same thing as being
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a comedian. You go on stage and you do your
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set or you do your motivational speech and you walk
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off stage and people are applauding and, you know, buying
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you drinks and that. And then you go back to
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your hotel room and eat bad food and wait for
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your plane. And that's it. And I didn't want that
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life for myself. I wanted relationships. I wanted to make relationships.
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And that's where I found coaching. And so that helped.
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Well, and, you know, that's so interesting. I've really been
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focusing for a number of years, but more recently developed
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a program called the 4D Personal Portraits. And it goes
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to talking about what you were just sharing is that,
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you know, so often we find ourselves doing things because
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we've been told this is what we need to do.
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You know, for me, five boys, one daughter in our family.
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And my dad basically was a classical voice teacher for
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university and, you know, nationally known. But his comment to
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us was, you will not go into teaching.
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You will all become professionals. And for the most part,
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we did.
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And, you know, it's interesting how we, quote, become what
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we've been taught to become in so many times. And
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then later on in life, for whatever reason, when things happen,
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all of a sudden we find ourselves in a much
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more enjoyable and peaceful experience. I know my daughter was
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going for her Ph.D.
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In sociology.
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And she was at the master's degree and had a
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whole program ready to go into the PhD. And she said, Dad,
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I'm not sure I feel that way. And of course,
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we had done this analysis for her. And it was like,
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you know, when you look at this, this is not
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who you are. And so she finished her master's, went
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on and is doing something entirely different. And you know,
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it sounds like exactly for you, too. You know, you
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were doing what you were doing, doing it very well.
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But here you are now doing something that my impression
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is you absolutely love. And as you say, you know,
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speaking was so dramatically attractive. And yet when you realized
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that's not what I really want to do, and you
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had the ability to understand that within yourself, it's so
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fascinating that you're able to do that. And As you
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work with people, how often do you find that they
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are doing what they've been told to do or becoming
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what they've been told to become from childhood on versus
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becoming who they truly are, which then resonates and they
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find that their work is no longer work, but it's
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just enjoyment.
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I'll answer that in two ways. One is my dad
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was the consummate salesman. He was an incredible salesperson. And
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that's the that's the place that I grew up is
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is he was a salesman sometimes on the road, but
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mostly it was, you know, being around. He didn't start
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traveling till we were junior high, high school. And so
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I just want to be like my dad, you know? Yeah.
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And I came out of school in 78. The recession
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was in full bloom then. And so I got a
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job selling. And, you know, it's not necessarily that I
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knew what I wanted to do. It's just what I
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was expected to do. The second way I'll answer that
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is that I work with a number of family businesses
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and multi-generational family business. There is an expectation that you
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will go into the business. And so many of the
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people that I deal with have been working in the
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business since they were six or eight years old. They
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were working on the dock or, you know, these are
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logistics business, trucking business, but they've been working. they've been
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working in the business since they were kids and they were,
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they were surrounded by the business and, you know, they were,
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they were in that soft, warm embrace, you know, of,
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of being in the business. And now they're 70 years
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old and still in the business, still running the business
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and they don't know what the hell to do. Yeah. Um, I, because, okay,
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selling it would be painful. Um, although a number of, uh,
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of people that I've known have, have done that. Uh,
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but selling the business is tough and, and, uh, um,
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Handing it off is tough. The book that I've got
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coming out is about a family business that there's an
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intergenerational handoff that has to happen, doesn't happen, and then
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there's some things that happen about that. And so much
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of their identity is wrapped up in what they do.
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And they just can't imagine that. what it'd be like
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not to be able to do that anymore. Um, and so,
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and so they hold on and they create all kinds
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of hell for, for their kids and for the families
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of their kids. And, um, you know, I've, I've just
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seen so many situations where, um, where, where the kids
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can't come over to Thanksgiving because, you know, they've, they've
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gotten at odds with the old man. Um, I had
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one situation where, uh, um, It just, it was a mess.
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And the kid ended up getting fired and then starting
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a business and started stealing employees. And again, Thanksgiving was
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not a good time for that family.
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Well, it can become such a mess. And yet at
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the same time, what I have found, and for me,
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it took decades to get to the point where I
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am now. And I'm still on that journey. I'm not
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even where I really want to be, I'm sure. But
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what's interesting is how much that self-talk, that external talk
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from family, from society, from school, from religion, whatever it
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happens to be, really affects the decisions we make. And
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then those decisions ultimately create the life we're experiencing, which
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so often is not what we want to experience. And
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in the case you're just sharing, it's very dramatic. But
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I think for many people, that experience is just something
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just doesn't feel right or there's some stress or something's
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going on that they're just not as happy and at
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peace as they could be. And so talk a little
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bit about that, how those assumptions, how the self-talk really
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affects our outcome and experience in life.
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A friend of mine, a guy named Art Blanchford, he
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also runs a podcast, Life in Transition, if you ever
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get a chance to listen. He's a brilliant guy. And
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he wrote something recently that I thought was amazing, and
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I'm going to butcher it. But it was, retirement is
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not the time to figure out what your life was for.
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Think about that. Retirement is not the time. If you
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are waiting for retirement to figure out what your purpose is,
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it's not going to be good. And so, you know,