Finding Balance & Joy: A Journey of Transformation

0:01 At the end of the day, it's not about what you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up, who you've made better, It's about what you've given back. Denzel Washington, Welcome to Inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you to do the same. Arlene, welcome to the show. Thank you for having me. I'm looking forward to it. E. I'd love for you to share with the audience kind of your personal journey what brought you to this point where there are things in your life where you had AHA moments or whatever that was that brought you to what you're doing today to help particularly women I understand, really transform their lives.

0:48 Well, when I was fifteen, I decided I wanted to become an attorney. I don't think my parents believe me. First, we didn't have any attorneys in my family. My father was an entrepreneur, but I think he's pretty old fashioned of me going to college and getting married and having lots of babies. So I didn't exactly do that. I did go to college, I did get my law degree. I went back to Kentucky where I was born and raised and went to University of Kentucky College a law for that. After law school, my then husband and I went up to Cleveland where he had stuff that he needed to do for his career, and I worked for some other attorneys for about three four years, and then I opened my own office in a suburb of the western suburb of Cleveland called Lakewood, just a little tiny office with a couple of other attorneys and businesses. And I immediately found out I was pregnant, and so my family and my husband husband's family were all in Louisville, Kentucky, and all of my peers from law school, all my connections were practicing in Kentucky or like we're Indiana and Ohio met Kentucky, we're the Ohio River. So I really didn't have a support system, so I had to sort of grow my tribe on my own, do things, sort of wing it from scratch of how to be how to start a business, get up, and going how to be a mom, all at the same time while my then husband was working like seventy hours a week. So it was an interesting journey and I guess that's part of the reason. I have a lot of compassion and empathy for women, especially mothers who are working, and so

2:20 that's eventually the Welt short story. I ended up being a work life balance and harmony coach, but I am expanding that out to more the tech profession just because of all the professions, they are just the most stressed out, especially the ones that are working from home, especially since COVID, and it just feels like a lot of what I share could be helpful for them, and so I'm learning to really better with men at workshops and stuff like that. I have been an attorney. I was an attorney for many many years. I had a solo practice in a suburb of Cleveland, and I practiced family law and commercial law. And then I sold when my son was nine and we moved to Longmanck, Colorado, a suburb of Denver, and I bought into another commercial law practice. I had met the gentleman when I went to a business meeting in Chicago and ended up marrying him, and we were married for quite a long time, and so that's how I went through the law stuff. And when I was an attorney, I also started studying. I got a diploma in Transformational Holistic Counseling in coaching and mentoring and certification and meditation.

3:33 And this is about six years before we sold the business, because I felt that they didn't teach me how to listen as an attorney, you know, and I was doing a lot of negotiating of settlements, I was doing the marketing for a lot of the marketing for the law firm, and I knew there was something missing. I didn't know what it was, but it was just really learning how to, like they call it, hold space for people, you know, kind of that non judgmental, that unconditional positive regard space where people can relax and feel heard and understood and so among other things. I learned that when I got that extra education, and I've had my own business as a coach and a mentor and a facilitator and the other things I do. I opened the office, I opened the business in twenty eleven, but I really didn't start, you know, making a more of a full time thing until we sold the business several years ago. I never thought I was going to do that, but yeah, that's what that's what happened.

4:34 Okay, So, so you had your own personal transformation. What was it suddenly a sudden awareness. Or what was it that helped you to realize that, Okay, you know, I'm going to sell my law practice, which is you know, quite something and go into this transformational help for people for women. What what was that aha moment particularly or was there one or was it just gradual? It was a gradual thing, you know. I got the certification, I started using it in my business. I saw out worked with my staff. I saw how it worked with my family and my partner and the people that I was working with and marketing with because I was running a business meeting in California once a year. It's always like I had a lot of I've got a lot of chairs, quite a few different things than a national business organization that we were involved in. So it was gradual.

5:28 You know. I never really thought I was going to leave the practice a law. I just think after many, many years of practicing law, I got burnt out and I just really needed a change and I was helping people in the practice of law. But there was never a break. You know, It's always there if you're a coach, if your own if you have your own business as a coach and a mentor and a facilitator. You can that when you're going to have, when you're going to talk to people, when you're going to do all the things that you do, there's no and there's like a beginning and an end. But it's not true with the practice of law. And isn't that interesting? We get so caught up in what we have been told we should do or what we originally choose to do, and find that we get so caught up and there's no balance. I was talking to my daughter the other day, and she had gone back to her university and been asked to, you know, kind of talk to the students about what she had done and where she was now working in an area entirely different than what her master's degree was in. But what when we talked about it a little bit, she talked about this work balance and how she realized that for her work balance was so essential and that was really an important aspect of her values and her desires.

6:45 And it seems like we can get also. Caught up in work and what we're doing, and we find that we get into something we think we really like, and all of a sudden it gets to the point where we get so busy that we do not have that balance much. And is this an area that you have found as you're working with women that seems to be a common theme. Yeah, there's a lot of common themes. And I mean the sexes are different. You know, women are nurturers. We give birth to babies, and it's still in this world even though the fathers are more involved. It feels like, especially when the kids are young, a lot more falls on us. And it was really hard, you know, well the first year I opened my law firm, and after my son was born, because you know, I was pregnant for the first nine months that I had him, you know, the first you know year of his life, I didn't work full time, you know, I was I was really grateful that my partner had a roof over our heads and food on the table, you know, even if I wasn't seeing him very much, I didn't have to worry about that, and it would have been impossible. I mean, I don't know how I could have done it all and gotten any sleep because I wasn't doing any sleep pretty much anyway at the new mom So it is and I also like to bring in balance, not just balance, but harmony. Because balance feels too like you're going to get something perfect and it's all going to be okay.

8:07 I don't think it's like that for anybody. You know, everything's always shifting and changing and we need to be flexible and adaptable. Well, and as I went on to your website, and you know, I love when you know here you have all these things you talk about or mentioned on your website and other things. And one of the things that just hit me strongly is you really talk about manifesting and living in love and unleashing love. Can you talk about that? And how does that. Apply to the to the people now that you are working with and helping And what is usually their situation that causes them to reach out to you?

8:49 Well, three questions. I'm sorry about that. Well, you know, I think people reach out to me for a whole bunch of different reasons, but the bottom line is is they feel stressed and anxiou sit and overwhelmed and maybe burnt out, and they can feel they feel an affinity with me and hope that working with me, they can find a way to alleviate some of that stuff and feel more calm and centered and confident. Because I like to work with people from the inside out. You know. If like if we feel really calm and grounded and fully present in ourselves, it's like our energy sort of expands out, like it's like a bigger heart that's holding us, and it's a lot easy. We can get whatever we need to get done. Is it might not change, but it's going to feel a lot easier to move through it.

9:35 It's like I have certain times the day and I write a blog and sometimes if I've hit the right time, it just flows out of me. It takes five or ten minutes. It's done. If you hit me do it now this time of night, I will be staring at the screen for three hours. So you know, we have to know our own buyer rhythms, you know, and what works for us. And I really do feel that what ties is up and knocks is that we get so busy doing or giving to other people that our cup runs dry. And so the best way to be able to be of service to itself and others is to know how to fill ourselves up with love. So our heart is full of love and we're sharing the overflow with others because otherwise we're going to get burnt out.

10:16 We're going to get frustrated or angry of the people that we're giving to. Then we're going to be They're going to judge yourself for that and feel guilty, and then we'll go through the same kind of process of overgiving again. And I do find it more prevalent in women, but it can be anybody, and it's not a comfortable process to go through. So I like to help people to break that cycle. Well, you know, it's interesting and this is a common thing that I love to talk about, and you kind of referred to it, and that is how our experiences in life, our behavior are. So often we tend to do this, do that, do this, do that so that we'll be happy, and so forth, rather than recognizing that as we can internal and start to change the soul within, if we can call it that, that all of a sudden, the outer experiences change because it's a matter of a reflection of who we have become, not a reflection of who we're trying to be.

11:18 What are your thoughts on that, Well, I agree with you one hundred and ten percent. And I mean one of the ways that I do that if I get out in nature, you know, because she's just to me, she feels so loving and kind and soothing. And I live in Colorado and the beautiful place to get out in nature, but you can live anywhere, and I think that connection is really really important, the connection with ourselves. And if we're in front of a computer all day, it's really hard to do that, but we you know, it seems to me it's easier out in nature just to feel the energy of it, which is beautiful usually, and just to connect with the ground and to appreciate the beauty around us. That's a great way to work with stuff. But yeah, we feel different on the inside, and we feel more love and kindness and respect for ourselves and others. We're going to see the world a lot differently than if we just feel really stressed and anxious and overwhelmed. And you know, when we're like that, we're all contracted. We're not even breathing right, so we're not even oxygenating our bodies, and it's just not a happy way, how a happy place to be.

12:19 So how do you help people? Let's get a little business ific. Obviously, you know someone that's working with you is going to take some time that As our listeners listen today, I think that for me, getting a little bit of information creates even greater curiosity, and then all of a sudden you reach out to people that can really help you. So when you talk to people, when you talk to women who are experiencing that stress, that lack of balance and so on and so forth, how do you approach them and what do you find is the commonality of why they're experiencing the stress that they're experiencing and not experiencing joy. And obviously walking to nature is an important one, but that's not I would suspect the initial.

13:06 Thing you do. No, and I coach. You can choose like coaching or mentoring, or or like a combination of both of them if you're working with me, But they're very different modalities. With coaching, I'm partnering with the person I'm working with, and I know that they have all of the answers inside of them. So I might be asking powerful questions. I might be reflecting back what they're sharing. I might be sharing some intuitions or insights that I have by their behavior, their demeanor, what they're saying. Some times we don't listen to our words, but I'm always turning it back to them to decide where to from here. So they're the one that's deciding the focus of our conversation. They're the ones that are telling me what's the words they're sharing mean. They're the ones they're telling me where they like to be by the end of our time together and why it's important to them. It's mine to have to partner with them and walk alongside them and hold that space of judgment free love and help them to because they're in a bigger, expanded space to really feel into it, maybe explo think they haven't been able to go that deep before with If I'm mentoring somebody, they're coming to me to stand on my shoulders. So I'll be more. Let's try this, and I'll give them something to do. It might be something like rough work. We might decide that let's work with our inner coach and notice where our inner critic has kind of gone wild, and learn how to talk to ourselves in a way that is kind and loving, and to notice from that way it comes up. You know,

14:36 there's a way to turn that around. So there's a lot of different topics that we can work with, and basically, you know, I'll have a conversation and I'll begin to into it and start with some basic stuff with them. I do work with energetic kind of stuff. I do help people that I am mentoring work with, like how to energetically length and clear and protect themselves, because otherwise what we're trying to let go of can often be stuff we've taken on from other people. Well, and I love that I talked about the fact that our energy is really a magnet, whether you want to call it positive or negative energy, and that may be depending on you know, where we're at at that particular time. But what happens is that we tend to attract to our lives the very magnet that we're experiencing.

15:25 So if we're experiencing that negativity and lack of love and all of that, we're going to attract that very thing into our lives. And sometimes we never understand why does this keep happening to me? Why do I keep finding the same partner in my life and their abusive they're unkind whatever that happens to be. Talk a little bit about this energy and what you have discovered and observed relative to the energy that people have and how that literally affects their experiences in life. Well, you're a hund percent correct, And basically it's a lot of things that can come into that, but it's a law of attraction.

16:06 You know. What we focus on is what we get more of in our lives. And people don't realize, and I didn't realize when I was younger how much I was focusing on the reverse of an idea, like I wanted to have like a really positive relationship, especially after my first divorce, but I hadn't cleared all the stuff that led to me entering into that relationship, and so I was, of course could to attract the same kind of person again. But if I look at how I was back then, I would talk to my girlfriends about all the horrible negative things about any of the guys I were dating, and I thought, that's how we bonded, and it not. It's not kind to myself, is not kind to the other person. They're going to be energetically impacted by that.

16:48 And I was telling the universe, I want more of that kind of dysfunction in my life because that's what I was focusing on. That's what I was judging. I was judging the people I was dating, I was judging myself. I was judging people that didn't give me the kudos to say, oh I get you our lean, I understand what you're going through and you know, boosting me up. And so it was a really So I've had personal experience in that really negative cycle. It's not a kind place to be. But we don't often realize what we're doing. And so if we work with a coach, or we work with a counselor we work with a mentor we work with somebody that we resonate with, it can help us break that cycle and become aware of how we're talking to ourselves and aware of what we're saying to other people and how that's creating what's already in our life.

17:37 Then that's the first step to begin to start to change that. Well, so I'm going to go way off the topic here for a minute, just because that's what you said. Now, First of all, where are you located now? I live and I work out of my home, and I live in Longmont, Colorado, which is about forty minutes northwest of Denver, Okay. So it's really fascinating as I get on Facebook from time to time and I see some of my acquaintances and friends that I've had all of a sudden because of the political nature of what's going on right now. And I'm not going to comment on that other than and I don't want to get into a political thing here.

18:18 But what I'm noticing is there's so many times people are posting comments continually that reflect their anger, their frustration with whatever's happening. And that was before this situation in the latest election, and even now, what do you find is happening with those people? When you know, for you you were talking. About the negativity of the menu or daiting and so on and so forth. Here now we have people. Who are talking about the negativity of politics, and it's gotten to the point where that's all they talk about, what's happening to them and their lives. And how do we help people to change because that's creating such a division within our country. How do we how do we help people to get to the point where they recognize that, you know what, I've got to stop doing that because it's affecting me, regardless of what they think, it's affecting me.

19:21 Right well, the only person that we can change is ourselves. And so I'm going to get really maybe a little bit woo woo here, but you you broached the subject. So I'll share with you how we can make a difference in the world from right here, right now. And that is is that let's say that we have a really positive experience with a group, or with another person or within ourselves. Something happened and we it's just something that we love. Maybe it's me and I took a course, a coaching course, and I was in this mentoring group with a bunch of other coaches and it was just fantastic, and I just love the experience learning so much. It could be anything that happened in our life and we can just go, oh my god, this is so amazing and we really feel it with all our hearts. What happens is it gets imprinted in the lower Kostak records, and that's where people reach when they're having problems. Most human beings can't go to anything higher than the lower Kastak records. And so we're imprinting up there something we're just love and we're really excited about and it's positive, and so that people have something they can reach for if they have a similar experience, so that they're just not they're reaching with all that other low level negativity that everyone else is putting in that lower level of castak records with how bad this is and what this person says, and it's very convoluted. There's a lot of misinformation beings circulated out there to separate people, because if

20:54 people are separated, they're not going to be willing. They're not looking at all the things we have in common that that aren't working well in the world. And if we come together as a whole, or at least in big groups of people, we can make changes on the ground, whether we're in politics or not. And so I hope that makes sense to you, But for me, it's one of the ways that I feel I can be of service. But it kept to come from a genuine, artfelt space of something that just was really wonderful that we want other people to be able to use that if they have a similar experience. Well, and I think you're talking about the quantum field to some degree, and how that energy is out there that we can attract one way or the other. But you bring up another point that I find interesting. When you're working with people, how often do you find, whether you're mentoring them or coaching them, how often do you find that they are surrounding themselves with the very people that are causing or at least increasing those negativity feelings that they're having, rather than surrounding themselves with positive individuals that ultimately would change their own perception.

22:10 It's interesting some people are and some people aren't. You know, some people have this kind of duality thing going on where we're maybe at work they're being more of a doormat and a people pleaser, and they go home with their teenagers and they're being a little bit of a tyrant and they don't really see the difference because they don't have balance really in either place, and they really need to maybe at work, not be a dormat anymore, and you know, be more assertible, have clear and strong and appropriate boundaries within the parameters of who they're working for, and not go home and take care take it out on their kids. There are some people, especially in the tech industry, that you know, you're working with people that are very demanding and demanding things that are impossible to go through right now because they read it in a magazine article and is supposed to work. So it can go both ways, and a lot of it really depends on how willing a person is to change. Do they want a sort of a stop gap measure so they'll feel better with their lives, or are they really willing to dive deep and maybe take a leap of faith and do something you know, majure different in their lives.

23:17 And that's really for them to decide, because people are ready when people are ready, And it's not really for me to say you need to do this now because I don't know, you know, I don't have the big greater picture of you know, being that are way so long than I am. So I just do my best to you know, hold space and to help them to make the best decisions for themselves. Do you find that fear plays a large role in that where people are? You know, I noticed this and particularly as I've interviewed a number of women who have been in the music relationships and as they tell their story, they talk about they keep getting into another and another one, and what really comes out of that is their realization finally that the fear of the unknown was so much greater at that time than getting back into a similar type of situation that they could not get out of it, and ultimately they were able to overcome that fear and be brave enough to get out of those relationships, and that was their experience.

24:21 But do you find that fear. Plays a heavy role with people who are not able to change or are trying to but seem to not be able. To do it. I think that fear plays a big role. And some people just they also there yet, So fear does play a role because even if they don't want to step forward, and then maybe they're a little bit lazy and they don't want to do the work and they want the mentic feury does to come grit from down and make everything sparkly. That's going to happen. We have to do the work ourselves. So yeah, there is a lot of fear in there, and it is possible to overcome it, and it takes a lot of severance into napity and you know, just choosing love even when you don't feel it.

25:03 So how does someone learn to love themselves? You know? I find that that seems to be one of the most difficult things we talk about, as though it's really easy, you know, love yourself, but the reality is that I think people really find it difficult to truly love themselves. How do you help people to do that and to understand there's so much imprinting that we get as children that I'm not good enough that you know, all of these type of things that happen. How do you help people to learn how. To love themselves and to understand that innately they truly are lovable and even beyond that, they have this wonderful light within them that.

25:47 Is who they really are. Right, So we're all aspect of source, and so we're all worthy of love. But I do hear what you're saying, and it's hard, and it's not hard. I sort of view it as if like I mean, when I was younger, I ran, so I ran like ten k's and half marathons and five k's and I was a runner in triathlons, and I really enjoyed all that. But I had to practice. And for a while I was on a master's swim team when I was an adult, and you had to practice. I didn't do raceis, but you know, just to keep up with the other people in the pool, something that does not put it over you. You got to practice swimming. And the same thing is when it comes to loving yourself. If we got messages that to just tended to destroy that feeling that we could love results so that we were lovable, even if it was just a little bit when we were kids, but we took in printing on you know, maybe you know our parents didn't feel worthy of love. It wasn't communicating, but we felt that. And so a few things that we can do is that, first of all, to realize that we already had that within us, because most of us, if we had a friend or someone that we loved and they came to us and started telling us all the things that were saying and that you know that we're going through that and that's what's wrong in their life and they're telling us, you know, we would be kind, we would be patient, we would listen, we would be nurturing, we would champion them.

27:12 If they had their head up a dark place, we might you know, share a little bit of tough love, but if we love them, when we cared about them, we would find a way to be there for them. And so the bottom line is that we have the skill and ability. All we have to do is turn around and start giving it to ourselves. And the way I like to share with people to give it to yourselves is that if you feel scared, if you feel anxious, if you feel overwhelmed. I always ask myself, how old is this aspect of Arlene inside of me? You know? Might she might feel eight, she might feel fifteen. It doesn't matter what it is. Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrongly, just a feeling. I turn around. I do my best to visualize how I was and what I look like and everything about me at that age. And I love that bit of me because it's probably a bit of me that I that's been languishing without my love. Maybe I didn't like that bit behavior. I didn't really care for my behavior myself as a teenager. Maybe it was something that happened as a kid where I just I got stuck, you know, and and I didn't know how to deal with it then and something happened, and you know, I just sort of covered it up because I was I didn't have the skills to handle what I experienced, because I'm pretty sensitive and intuitive, and so things that wouldn't bother most people could have could floor me. But nobody knew. I didn't really I didn't share that with people.

28:33 I just didn't. And so if we love those bits, that's the beginning. Well, and you know, you talk. About those experiences that can affect us so deeply, and you also talk about gratitude, So I want to I want to kind of tie those things together because what I found is so often people will look back at these situations that they've experienced, and you know, there's that regret, there's perhaps a shame, whatever that happens to be the anger whatever. What have you found and do you help people to reframe those experiences and recognize that you know what if I really look back at that that experience taught me something and then be grateful for that lesson by changing that perception, by you know, reframing that experience, do you find that with gratitude that really helps people to start to move out of those situations and become something different.

29:33 Well, gratitude is awesome, Coos top And what you're talking about is something I like to share as well as that mistakes or opportunities to learn and grow, they're not an excuse to take that whip and chain and beat ourselves up. They're just an opportunity to learn and grow. And as human beings on planet Earth, it's sole experiencing in this body which makes a lot of mistakes. We came here to learn and grow and have experiences and learn from them, and so yeah, you're absolutely right. You know, what can I learn from this experience? And if we really feel into what we can learn from this experience and we take it to heart, and you know, the next time something similar happens in my life, we can visualize and feel how we're going to do it differently and really feel that, because then we have like a baseline if something similar happens to again that we could could be our go to instead of our old way of handling things that wasn't working and we were beating ourselves up for. And of course, when we experience gratitude, that changes everything. It's just such a high vibrational, sacred quality.

30:37 And so one of the ways I help people is just a lot of people make the mistake that I need to wait to be something for something to be grateful for. I mean, I need to wait to get out of this horrible relationship and have my night in shining Army and everything's perfect, and then I'll be grateful. And that's not a good plan. We have so much already in our lives to be grateful for you know, I have nice comfy clothes to where a little bit sure to stop. That's comfortable if you warm. I have a nice bed to sleep and it's really comfortable. I have food in my fridge in my pantry. I have hot water running. I can take a shower whenever I want. I mean, all those little things that we all have. I have in a car that works and takes peoplehere where you need to go. If we take the time to really look around and appreciate what we have, and even the simple thing of not eating on the run and having a plate of food and just enjoying it so much because it's so delicious and it's nourishing my body, and all those things help to build the gratitude so that we can have we can begin to have gratitude for all of our experiences, even the quote negative ones.

31:45 And do you find that that literally changes the mindset and ultimately, as gratitude is developed for all those things that you're talking about, do you find that then somehow people become. Aware that, you know what, I don't need to remain. Either emotionally, mentally physically in this experience and I can move on. Do you find the gratitude literally can help to change that mindset. It literally can, and it's really up to the individual of how much they want to practice that and how much they want to apply that. I mean, there's other things we can apply as well. It really depends on the person. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink, but you can provide them with all the things that they need around them to make the wisest choice, and to work with them to practice.

32:31 They begin to practice and maybe they develop. We can help them to develop tools like journaling or having a nightly review before they go to bed and really looking at maybe a mistake that they made and how they could do it differently next time, and really practicing with sitting down and really enjoying and loving your food or even loving it while you're making it. There's all sorts of things that we can suggest and then we can help to reinforce it when they come back and share their experience with it. So yes, we can. And how how much do you feel like meditation? I mean, you know, people talk a lot about meditation and some are very positive about it. Others say, yeah, it doesn't really make a difference. What has been your experience. And do you use meditation and how does meditation help your clients?

33:19 If you use it, I don't. I do it with my mentoring students. I teach, I facilitate classes and we'll, you know, occasionally we'll go through some of the mentoring stuff. If someone comes to me and wants to work with it, I will. I don't hold regular and mentoring classes, but I do share tidbits. And that is you don't have to sit there for an hour in a lotus position going you know you can. You can do a walking meditation. You can listen to music that just uplifts you. You can do some breath work. You can start with five minutes and build up to ten or fifteen. It doesn't have to be a drastic thing, but it does help to take us from fight or flight to and relaxed mode. It does help us to expand out so that we can breathe more deeply and let go of what's not working for us. It does help us if we start the day like that, to sort of reset our day so it doesn't have to be like this thing that we think that it has to be sitting in sixty minutes and not moving a muscle and all that kind of stuff. There's a lot of different ways to meditate, which is about letting go and just being there with ourselves and that you might be already sort of doing, you know, like I was talking about, you can take a walk in nature, but not have a power walk in just this nice slow walk and enjoy breathing in and out and the beauty around you. There's all sorts of ways that we can bring that kind of calm assurance into our lives. Well.

34:51 I love stories. So you have a pardicular story I think that you talk about with the client at Center late forwardies. Could you share that story with the audience of how you were able to help her, whether it was coaching or mentoring, to turn herself around a. Woman her late forties. It was it on my website. Yeah, it was on your website. Two teenage girls mother at home. She was a doormat never yes, say no. Yes, That's what I was talking about. What happened was it was a coaching situation and just from holding space and allowing her to talk about what was going on at work that was bothering her and what was going on at home and she was really, really controlling at home and just asking those powerful questions, sharing some reflecting back.

35:44 She finally because all the girls really wanted her teenage girls was to get a dog, and she was gonna let him get a dog, like, oh my god. And she finally just came to the realization from conversation. It was like a gradual thing where she could begin to see herself more clearly because she just thought, no matter how she acted, her daughters would be with her forever. And I'm like, thinking, money, that's going to keep acting like this, But I would never say that, you know. She had to come to her own knowing about that. And I guess there wasn't anything special that I did other than maybe sort of reflecting back and noticing like her tone of voice and her demeanor when she talked about certain things, and asking her maybe what if questions, you know, what if you tried this? But basically it really feels to me that just over time, she she came to the realization herself from I mean coaching, the main thing you know, when you when you when you get a coach, as I've been trained where I'm not treating my hornets. Just I love the school I went to the Global Coaching Academy and FOREF Australia. But anyway, when you hold like a big, judgment free, unconditionally loving space for somebody and give them the opportunity to talk and share and maybe no one else listened to them like that, ask powerful questions, reflect, share, share your intuitions and always hand it back to them. I find that they come to stronger and more amazing realizations than I could ever tell them.

37:09 Well, and yeah, I think you've hit the point there that I think is so important. And for people who are really seeking help, I think one of the things they really need to look at very carefully is are they experiencing just talking back and forth talk talk talk, or do they have someone there, whether it's a psychiatrist, psychologist, or coach, whatever it is, that is literally asking questions that allows them to discover within themselves the answers. Because I really believe that in most situations, people have the answer within themselves if they can just be guided to start to ask those questions within themselves.

37:52 Yeah, and one of my mentors said to me years ago is that you know, Arlene, if you have the question, the answer is already inside of you. And I'm like, what, But you know, I guess this is exactly what you're saying. You know, if they already have all these questions, the answers, they're already inside of them, and so it's our job to hold that space and to do what we do so they can discover. That answer well and to be able to ask, you know, as you're observing, be able to ask additional questions that can guide them, which I find fascinating. You're really a guide as a coach, You're. Really a guide to asking questions that guides them to that self understanding and sometimes it takes a bit of time and you have to ask very pertinent questions for them to finowly discover within themselves the answer. Yeah.

38:43 I mean, as partnering with them, I'm their partner. I'm walking alongside of you. I'm right there and you know where you If it feels like they're going on a different track, I'll say, you know, you said do you want to do this in the session, and now you're talking about this, what is it that you'd like to focus on? So I always bring it back to them. But it really feels like a partnership, and you. Know, I think the question that always comes to my mind is how do you help people to become aware? And obviously people who have reached out to you have become aware. Have you found that there's a common theme that causes that element of awareness. That you know, what is not the life I want to live. I'm not happy. I need to make some changes.

39:28 What is there a common thing that you have found, particularly with women, that creates ultimately that awareness to where they're finally willing to reach out to you or to someone. Well, I guess what happens is to get fed up with how they're feeling and how their life is going in a certain aspect of it. Most people don't come to me in the whole life is just horrible. They'll have like this aspect of a life that needs working on, and they won't necessarily have awareness of everything that they need to have awareness of to maybe make a change or a new decision. But I do are there very poignantly aware that this is no longer working and I do need some help to get out of this hole that I've sort of fallen into instead of moving around it.

40:11 So that would be the common theme that I know that I need to make a change I'm not sure how to do it, and I really maybe need some help in navigating that to get to the other side. And I can sort of see and visualize what that is, but in this moment, I don't have the tools or the ability or whatever to do it by myself. Well, and I think you've hit the key, and for people that are listening, I think is so important for all of us to understand that you know, and you talk about you have mentors. I've had coaches, I've had mentors. The key is is that we can't really do it all by ourselves. We really need to be able to reach out and find someone that we can trust, that we know has the ability to help us, either through mentoring or coaching, that allows us to do that self discovery then and that self transformation to really reach the level that.

41:07 We would like to reach. Yeah, I agree, and I love it, and I love like getting together groups of like I call like minded soul that I that we can work together with, because I find that that's really uplifting as well. But in order to do this, I have to. Be practicing it, and I have to be evolving and growing myself. I mean, I think that's part of part of the commitment. Yeah, I agree with that. And so as we as we close, what would be a message that you would like to share with the audience. I'd like to share a trinity A try and go to be kind, patient, and tolerant with yourself that you know, we're all in a journey. It's not fairly easy, it could be very challenging, but practice kindness, patience, and tolerance with yourself and others and that can be a big key to having a new experience in your life.

41:57 I love it, Arlene, Thank you so much, you know, and again thank you what I find and the whole reason I do this podcast is to find people who are making a difference in other people's lives. And as we talk and as. We chat and have this conversation, I know that somebody out there that's listening is going to be touched in a way that they're going to be willing to reach out either to you or to someone to help them to move forward in their lives. And so thank you so much for what you do, and kudos to you for being willing to move away from being an attorney to being willing to really focus your attention on helping women in particular, to live a better life, to experience greater joy, love and happiness in their lives.

42:43 How do people find you? Well, you can come to my website Jewel Consultancy, Jewel Like the Diamond, or you can just google my name Arlene Cohen cohgn Miller. There's only one of me. There's a lot of Arleen Miller's, but there's only one Arlene Cohen Miller. Or you can always text. I know people say, why don't you give out your phone numbers? And why not? It's seven two oh nine three six two six three four. Just remind me that you met me on this show and you just have a question or something like that, and I will get back to you. Wonderful. Well, thank you so much. I really appreciate your insights today and folks, thank you for listening. And hope this is making. A difference for you and you'll reach out to Arlene if that is something that you find could make a difference in your life.

43:28 So this is doctor Doug saying no mistay. Share