Breaking Free from People-Pleasing: Empowering Women to Shine

0:01 This program is designed to provide general information with regards to the subject matters covered. This information is given with the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial, legal counseling, professional service, or any advice. You should seek the services. Of competent professionals before applying or trying any suggested ideas. At the end of the day, it's not about what you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up, who you've made better. It's about what you've given back.

0:44 Thanzel Washington, Welcome to Inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you to. Do the same. Nudjem Welcome to the show. Thank you doctor, it's a pleasure to be here. Well, that's going to be exciting topic and I've got a lot of questions for you on this, so hopefully that'll be fun. What I'd love for you to do, though, is to share with the audience your journey, what brought you to this point in your life where you're doing what you're doing and be happy to you know, share who you are are, what you've done in your life, and why you're here now. Yeah. So it started kind of unconventional. I was actually a pharmacist for just over a decade, and because I had struggled myself in my personal life with a lot of people pleasing, I had developed generalized sonciety disorder because I was just kind of always nervous about oh did I say the right thing? Not the right thing? And social situations. I just wanted to be accepted and pleased.

1:43 And I have kind of like the shield, and I was always assessing, coming from stuff from childhood and then through the journey of becoming a pharmacist. I actually I'm from Canada and I moved to the US. I had to transfer my license. There was a lot of studying involved. I started to like really amp up the anxiety and I realized, gosh, this cannot continue, this cannot continue, And and my doctor wanted to prescribe me an entire anxiety. And because I'm a pharmacist, I was just like, Oh, this is not the route. Yeah, this is not the route I want to take. I felt. I was young and I felt. I knew that there were non, non pharmacological ways to go about these things. So that got me into a rabbit hole of self development, self growth.

2:32 I went into YouTube, I I gobbled up everything I could find. I took trainings, I went overseas even to get certifications on coaching, initially for me, initially to heal myself and actually feel better and be happier, to have more joy, be able to be with others without that anxiety, without feeling like I needed to fit in or say the right thing or just laugh at the joke. So but what happened is that as I was accumulating these certifications and these trainings, and I realized this was good, This was actually changing my life and my appreciation and freedom in living the fullness of life. And so my interest with pharmacy started to dwindle a little bit. And then I really wanted to start helping people and really be immersed in this world in what I'm learning and what I'm giving. And so when the opportunity came to leave my career. At that point, I was working the farmer industry. I was a medical information specialist, and I was up for promotion, and I got the opportunity to apply and then be invited to become a Tony Robbins coach full time. Wow. So I made a decision to burn my boat and John I was like okay, and I left my career my buff winner surprise because obviously you know, this was not planned, and that I joined the team and just for for almost two years, I

4:03 was a full time coach with Tony Robbins. I had done a little bit on my on the side before, but it was nothing like going full time. And as much as I love Tony's mission, it felt like I had this calling to serve women because what I'm what I am now is a women empowerment mentor coach, and I'm really my passion is to help women stop themming their lights. Okay, so I actually okay, yeah, just so they can learn to really be themselves, because that's that's a desire, like how can I only can I be myself and also have deeply connected relationships because oftentimes.

4:44 It feels like we can have one or the other. Oh why women? You know, my son asked me that he ate he's like, my what to help women? And really simply I think men. I love men too, obviously, I'm married, I my son, there's nothing just really that's my own experience. It's important for me, and that's why I'm calling myself a mentor coach as a coach, and I've done that with Tony Robbins. You can coach anyone anywhere on anything, that's not a problem, but when you bring mentorship, it comes from a lived experience. This is my journey, So I'm bridging the two, and I know how to be a feminine energy. I know what it's like to be a woman stuck in her masculine and that's kind of part of the journey and learning to develop the feminine and be herself. So that's why I'm focusing on women because I don't have a first person experience of what it's like to be a man and come into being your full masculine.

5:45 Okay, so you were a coach with Tony Robbins for two years. I assume you use as the ISCA test to analyze personalities, right disc Yes, absolutely, So here's my question. Yeah, I don't know if you use the advanced one or just the standard one, because you know, I went online and took a standard one and I found that it was not totally accurate. Uh, And so the one that I use, he may have used, purchased it and then put his name on it. I know some other people have. But yeah, here's my question. Have you found that number one, this experience of you know, wanting to empower women because they feel overwhelmed, they don't feel good enough, all those types of things. Have you found that it's more women than men? And I'm going to get to the y.

6:40 I think it may be, but go ahead. Do you mean more women than men that are overwhelmed? Is that what you're saying? Yes, hmmm, Well, that's a good question. I'm asking because I know when you get into the disk test and the personality evaluations and so forth, you've got your right brain, you've got your left brain. And and I know from studies and research that that the majority of women women are more right brain. They're more emotional, they're you know, they're wonderful, that's really where they need to be. And men tend to be more left brain, which makes them pain in the neck once in a while. But here's a question. You know, women being more right brain, you find that they tend to experience this a little bit more than men.

7:31 You know, I think they get overwhelmed for different reasons. If I'm just thinking back when I was coaching, both men would get more overwhelmed because they want to be the breadwinner. They want to provide, right, So it's like they want to take on they have a lot, or maybe at ORC it could be sometimes with the amount of work because they just this that desire of the masculine in my opinion, that wants to provide, wants to be a leader, wants to take take care of the team. Not that women don't, but it just feels a little different. Women feel overwhelmed oftentimes, and those are generalizations. Of course, this cross is over, but women would be more caring for their family, wanting to do everything, wanting to wear all the hats, wanting to be everything for everybody. So it's a more like in a caring way. Not that men don't care, they do, right, But that's the distinction that I feel might be where the overwhelm shows up differently.

8:27 Okay, And do you find that they fit into piking a personality or profile. When I use the DISC every day with all my clients, like I delivered over two thousand and one on one sessions and most of them was with using the DISC. I definitely see patterns and I've definitely seen that this assessment is accurate. It might not be accurate to the number, or there might be some you know, how you're taking the test. There's always human error, but in general, if you look at general like what DSc is general energies, Yes, I've definitely seen that when I see the profile and then I speak to the person for the first time, I would say ninety percent of the time plus it would make sense.

9:15 Well. And the reason I asked that, and what I find is because I've used that a lot too as I've worked with people, is that I talk about the fact that where we look at the strengths. You know, when you look at any behavioral analysis, whether it's DISC or whatever, you look at those strains and then you realize that if they allow it to go too far, it becomes a weakness totally. And in my mind a lot of times, whoever it is, and particularly here where we're talking about women, you know, they're such great strength in who they are and their personalities and so forth, but when it goes a little bit too far, all of a sudden, it becomes that weakness, and in your case, people please us is the type of individual that you're working with. So what do you find causes this sense of people pleasing? Because I know that you're using NLP, I know you're using all sorts of things to figure this out. What have you found in general are the main causes for women to become people pleasers.

10:21 So in my experience, in what I've seen, people pleasing comes from childhood. It's really is a learned Habit is a way we're coping with the world because we learn as kids like we feel safe when people accept us, we feel safe when people approve of us, and we want to be love, we want to belong. And so there's things along the way that we picked up that if we just do like mommy and Daddy want me to be, then I get praise, then I get more love, and then when I don't, then I get punished. And so even on even a very well intentioned parent just doing their best might actually cause this child to understand this.

11:02 So it doesn't necessarily need to come from trauma or anything like that, is just picking up along the way, like oh, listen to your teacher, like I'm I'm you know, bring an apple, I get an AA. So there's just this this learning along the way. And then oftentimes women who struggle with people pleasing them most is that there has been a little bit of that shame of who I am is not good enough, who I am is not desirable, and so just the way I am is not lovable enough. So I need to tweak myself to please because me as I am is not enough or is not good well. And I think it's interesting. You know, I have four kids, and I really worked hard. Believe me, I've gone through this for a number of years. I really worked hard to make sure that they had a healthy childhood, growing up and so forth. And still, you know, there's times that it's like, oh, Dad, you expect so much of us, and you know, and I realized that to some degree, y, it's my fault to some degree, but also it's their perception.

12:06 And I think it's so interesting that we cannot ever determine what the perception of one of our children is going to have based on anything we do. We may come in from our heart and with love and wanting to help them, and their perception may be entirely opposite. One hundred percent. You can have two kids living the same stuff and then interpreting it completely differently or developing different coping mechanisms from it. So there's I'm not an expert of you know, the personality and how that that might play a role, but it definitely does. Some people will become the golden child and some people will become, you know, the rebel with the same situation.

12:48 And that's so true. And it's interesting. As I was reading your bio, I recognize that I saw that you use three at least you mentioned three major areas that you do it. Maybe four, but three NLP, which is neural linguistic programming, and I'll have you explain to the audience what that is. Then you have hypnotherapy and I think a specific type of hypnotherapy, and then also you can buy an Eastern philosophy. So I would love for you to share how you use all of those three areas in helping people and why it's important to touch on each one of those. Yes, well, because I'm coming from a very intuitive and and feminine approach. It's not like I'm like, Okay, here's the technique I'm going to use. That's from an LP, that's from hypnosis, right, I'm this complex person who has all this knowledge neural linguistic programming. There's different teachers. I learned with one of the co founders, John Grinder, in Portugal, and there's pretty much what is it? If I would explain this, it's very vast, so it's really hard to explain in the initial period of time, but it really works with the unconscious mind. Yes, so, were these the patterns that are used oftentimes or to try and fix so to speak, which is not my favorite thing. My husband loves to fix. He's really great at it. But the things that I've taken from NLP are more understanding how we experience things from our visual, kinesthetic, auditory perspective,

14:22 and if we change just kind of like the building blocks of that experience, it changes how we feel and how we experience the situation of the person. Yeah, so you can take you can take someone back, for instance, to a childhood experience, Yes, where their perception. In fact, I had one client. His perception was, you know, he just shoved to the back of the room. I think a's third or fourth grade something like that teacher with tolna was stupid. Therefore he's going to the back of the room. So that was his perception, and as we used NLB to go back and reprogram the perception, all of a sudden he realized that, you know, I had nothing to do with him, because he really was brilliant. It had everything to do with it, teacher, And so by just doing that, it made all the difference in the world. So that's kind of what you're doing with NLP, right.

15:07 Absolutely, Yeah, So that's a reframe going back in time. That's more like timeline therapy, which is part of NLP as well. And you know, like the visual kinesthetic auditory could be just like in the moment, like I'm afraid of something, and if you're trying to look as like, oh, well, how does that represent? Well, I see this person mad like super close and blown up in front of my face in color bright. I oh, what if you make it smaller, black and white, push it away? We can play with kind of that immediate experience to change a feeling in the body and the charge of that. Right. So with hypnotherapy, do you use a specific type And again I think you were explaining and I understood what you were saying correctly. You have these tools at your disposal and depending on the individual and what they need at that moment in time you bring something in that's correct.

16:00 Yeah. Absolutely, it's just depending on what's needed in the moment, in that interaction with a person, it will just come to me because I have this tool belt of all the different goals and hypnotherapy. I studied alchemical hypnotherapy alchemical hypnosis, which is a bit more of a spiritual aspect of it, which brings a lot of NLP. It's a bridge of different things for shamanism. So it's a body of work that of course you induce people into hypnosis, but it's a light level. It's not that level like I don't remember anything. It's a level where you interact with the person, so you're really acting as a guide and you're not imposing the direction, like you're guiding them in their experience and they are the guide of that experience, so to speak.

16:48 And it works also with finding inner guides, whether you believe in that spiritually. My husband studied it to infer him. It's a metaphorical representation that helps you, so you work with let's say you go back to childhood and then you can actually call it in an inner mother that's more of like a representation of a stronger force that helps you with that event. So there's also regression in childhood as well. With that. I don't specifically do all chemical hypnosis sessions. The way I use it is I like to lead journeys, so it's leading me to really understand, so how to lead people in the journey, how to get them into a level of hypnosis. So it's kind of like you'd say a meditation, a guided meditation, if you want to call it that way. So okay, wrap your head around it.

17:41 But it's it's really powerful. Like, for example, in one of my courses, we get to go to the future and meet your future self that have let go of all these people pleasing tendencies and really observe like the life she lives and really get a feel of like what it's like, and get to her body and feel that confidence and strength and what it's like. And then we get to anchor that into the present, bringing the future to the present. Right, we talk about that manifestation, but we get the first experience through the journey, so we can actually grasp what that feels like as we go along. Okay, and then you get into the Eastern philosophy. Talk a little bit about that. How did that come into part of your tool, right?

18:27 Well, I come from a family with two different religions and that created a lot of conflicts in my life, you know, like Mommy's one, dad is one, and who am I going to be? Right? So I think that was also a mix of a desire for me to because through my studies, I did the seminary at the Temple of Creaoga and so yes, there was a lot on yoga philosophy, but there was a big section on also world religions and philosophies like of course the main religions you can think of, but also like buddhism't so really rout and broad net of evaluation and study of philosophies. And so that really was healing from me in the sense that I needed to find where I stand and also not be limited to one specific set of philosophy or beliefs, so to speak.

19:24 And it was really healing to see how they're all different, but all the religions, at least to me, had a similar message. So yeah, absolutely, I have studied that very carefully, particularly since I'm here in Thailand, and it's been amazing to me, as I've looked at Hinduism, as I've looked at Buddhism, obviously, as I've looked at Christianity. If you get to the basic message, it's amazing how similar it is. And it's all about coming back to who you really are, becoming the individual that you genuinely are. But because of all those imprints and society and everything else, it's kind of covered you up. In fact, I was talking to someone that I love the example they used. They said, it's like it's like you have a mirror and it's just you just have to start wiping it cleaner and cleaner and cleaner, and over time you get rid of all of that dirt, and all of a sudden, there you are.

20:24 Yeah, that's beautiful. I love that metaphor. It's like we hear the layers of the onion, but I've never heard the mirror metaphor. That's I had neither. I just heard it the other day and I love that. So let's talk. Let's talk about now and the people pleasing. What happens with women who find themselves in that situation of consistent people pleasing, What happens to their lives? What happens to their lives is that they often feel drained because they're doing too much for others. But also it's not necessarily Sometimes it can be even a perceived doing too much for others, because when you keep abandoning yourself for the profit of the exterior, something outside of yourself in itself, it's draining because you always have to wear some sort of a persona or a mask or tweak yourself. Always analyzing assessing this is draining. And then because maybe you're like, oh did this person laugh or was that too loud? Oh my gosh, I wonder how they took this, Oh why did I say that? And so all of this kind of mental activity during posts before is draining too. So there's kind of that sense, at least that's how I felt also in my life when I was really stuck in that and that sense of I can't really be myself because if I'm myself, people will be disappointed because people won't love me. So

21:55 I have to work hard to please others. And some people who struggle with people pleasing will be more chameleons, some would be more overgivers. Right, there's different kind of flavors already within the umbrella. So depending what their flavor is, they will look differently. But if I kind of zoom out and look at the general tendency is that sensation of like not being able to be yourself and working so hard to feel the love from the outside in. So I lead them and that's what I did for my own journey, to switch that, to build it from the inside out. Because when we ye I'm sorry, no, I was just going to say, when we find that strength, that love, that self love, that self worth, and it's not, you know, overnight within themselves, it's a lot easier to be with people. However people are.

22:46 So here's my question. Do you find that a lot of times? And I don't know what your personal experience was, but do you find that as there you know, as that people pleaser mentality, that they oftentimes attract people who will take advantage of that. That is very possible because it's an energy. So let's say we're talking about I was talking to a client the other day. She's always saying yes, she doesn't want to say no, and she's never being herself and it's kind of the energy of love me right. But people can feel that. So either people who just want you to be who you are and enjoy like they just don't want you to just say yes if you mean and no. They kind of sense that weirdness. Maybe it could be repulsive for them. But then to your point, someone who's just like, great that I can have this person do whatever I want because they feel bad enough, right, And that could be a bit more of an energetic match in that case.

23:50 And it can be a codependent relationship cand it. Yeah, absolutely, And I think a lot of women find themselves in that codependency and it's really tough for to get out of it. So how do you help someone to set those boundaries, to learn to say no, to realize that they don't have to please all of the time except maybe themselves, which is a difference thing. Yes, and that's that's a religion I had way back when in my dorm in college, and I something happened with my parents that told you the difference, and I realized I was never going to be able to please both of them at the same time. And it got me to a really dark place. And then what got me out is exactly what you said, Well, this isn't it's not working. And by trying to please everybody all the time. It's me, I'm not pleasing. So the first step really with women is to start realizing, like what is it costing them? It's gonna there's general patterns, but it's gonna be also specific to the person. What is it costing them to be in their people pleasing tendencies, whether it's overgiving or maybe sometimes isolating or isolating her because it's just so draining to be with people, which is become loaners, but then we're lonely, so there's a lot of different consequences so to speak of this pattern and then what are you going to gain when you overcome this when you're able to be yourself with others?

25:15 Like what's there to gain? How great can your life become? And so we're starting to work with that leverage because even though it might be like, you know, not great, it's comfortable. It's what we've done and we know it, so it kind of, in a weird way, feels safe to stay there. So to make any movement whatsoever, we need to start looking like what is it costing me to stay there? And what will will I gain once I break free from it? Well? And you know you talk about it, and what I found is a lot of times people don't even understand what's going on. And how how would an individual, how would a woman be able to recognize number one and be aware of the fact that she has fallen into that trap of people pleasing? Are there some specific indications of red flags whatever you want to call them, that you could share with the audience that are listening where someone can go, wow, that's me.

26:15 Yes. So there's many, but the ones that come to my mind right now. If you feel like you can't be yourself, or if you're because if you are yourself, you'll disappoint if you can't deal with people being upset at you and you're just trying to keep the peace by not speaking your truth or sharing your opinion, if you say yes all the time because you don't want to say no. I had a client, she had a group of friends, and she didn't even like that much, but every time they would ask her to go have a coffee, because she felt bad to say no, she just went, even though she didn't enjoy her time. And then we dug into that and she realized, like, well, she didn't spend as much time with her daughter because of course, she worked full time and so she had the little free time. And then I was like, well, but you don't even enjoy their company. Just realizing that for her was like, that's true. I know why am I doing this?

27:12 Right? Sometimes we don't even realize, but it's like, are you doing things that you don't want to be doing just because you're afraid of being rejected, being talked behind your back, losing friendship? Right? So those are like the major science, I would say, Or maybe you're just giving all the time the fear of I have that, like if you give to me, I feel very uncomfortable. I need to even and out. I need to give to you at least so we're even or more. I don't want to feel indebted because then I don't I feel like maybe I'm not good enough. I need to give, give, gift, give, and make sure that I feel that tank. So I'm like, I'm okay, Yeah, that's interesting. It brings to mind when I was living in Idaho, we had a neighbor, an older couple, and we were all living on an acre right of lawn pretty much, and they were the kindest, most giving couple that I've ever met.

28:07 If if a family needed something, they were there to help them, whether it was food or whatever. And one day I sent my boys over and said, hey, let us cut your lawn for you because they were they were aging and it's like, oh no, no, no, no, we can have a week. They could not accept the very thing that they did for others, and I found that so fascinating, So yeah, go ahead. I was just going to say the reframe there, if anyone's watching and kind of is in that place, is to start realizing because probably you guys wanted to. It felt good for you guys to move their lawn. Absolutely. I wanted my kids to understand what it was like to be able to serve someone else.

28:47 So by allowing themselves to receive, they're actually giving exactly exactly. So how do people number one when they catch themselves in that situation? What's the first step to breaking it? And I know that you have a story you can tell about someone named Lena. Yes, well, Lena took one of my courses and she came to the course. It's called break Free Three Keys to End People Pleasing, and we go deep into three main mind shifts to help break free of it. And she started the class you know, really thinking people pleasing was a good thing, like it was having bad impact, but like it was making her a good person quote unquote, So she was not prioritizing herself for self care, saying yes to things to even I had started a coaching business a little bit like she wanted to do it, but struggle putting herself out there, because that's also a consequence when you feel like you need approval. How can you kind of put yourself out there now not knowing how it's going to be received. That feels very unsafe, And so out of going through the course of course, we start with the leverage. That's always the number one piece, Like I was sharing, what is it costing you and where you're up to gain, and then we look at some mind shifts in that course, so to start understanding that we're not responsible for how other people feel. And even though it feels that way, and it feels like sometimes there can be something we say that triggers something

30:18 in them, but it triggers something in them only because there's something to be triggered from, there's some sort of wound. You can have two different people in the exact same situation reacting completely differently. Some people might be like, wow, how they are they and go, oh, oh, that didn't bother me. Why because there's either a wound or not to be reactivated, and so things like that that we learned throughout the course out of doing this. I just followed up with her a few weeks back, and she's really gotten a lot from it. She's like now expressing herself more, having more, doing more things for herself, taking care of herself. But she also got and that was just at the end of the course from doing that, she has to got two paid clients from her coaching, which she was only doing free sessions. And she finally kind of like was able to attract that because she started to shift within herself that she was deserving of things, like she didn't need to, you know, look for crumbs of anything outside of herself to tell her that she's good enough that she could build that from the inside.

31:24 Well, you know, And one of the comments I've heard a lot over the years is, you know, that's just how I am. So what would you say to someone that has that feeling if they don't express it, but it's, you know what, that's just who I am. What would you say to them. I would say, be careful what you put after I am. And that's something I teach to we say, oh, I'm such a people pleaser. I'm a people pleaser. Well are you? Because the shift is okay, what if I say said I'm a people pleaser and I have women like feel into that? How does that feel like? And then take it off? I have people pleasing tendencies like that feels a lot different because if it's a tendency, I can do something about it. If it's something I am like, how can I change who I am? This is how I am. That makes it a lot difficult. Like you weren't born and someone said, oh it's a girl and this one's a people pleaser. You know that's not a treat.

32:29 That's not like there's no genes of people pleasing or you know. So really it's started to look, what are you looking to gain out of these things? And starting to see how, oh I learned that along the way because I wanted to feel loved and accept it. And a lot of people can. When I talk to women, they can always think about oh yeah, in my childhood, this and that. Again, some some were traumatic, some were not. We're just like a teacher or this person. And I definitely did that. And so if it's a learned behavior, how can it be who you are. And what's interesting? And I don't know how much you get into the neural aspects of the neural pathways that in my mind, it's a habit that we have developed.

33:12 It's a habit, and it's tough to change habits, but habits can be changed. And realistically, as you're working with them, do you find that they actually change those neural pathways and kind of move away and minimize some of those negative affecting ones and really start to develop the ones that create positivity for them in their lives. Absolutely, And that's kind of how I design my course and how I work also one on one. It's all about little steps. It's not something like, oh, now I realize that it comes from childhood, so it's gone, No, you did it over and over and over and over again for so many years. That's going to be the knee jerk reaction in the moment. So the first step is to start realizing it even after the fact, Oh okay, I did this thing right and that happened. Okay, got it?

34:06 And then okay, what am I going to do next time? And then you start catching yourself sooner and sooner, and then you catch yourself with these small things. But then the things that are very emotionally activating maybe not so much right, And it's a journey, and so it's really important. That's why I call my company with kind of Awareness, because we want to bring a lot of kindness to the awareness. Oftentimes when we become aware of things. I know, for me was a good way to just hit myself in the head. Oh I know better, I should have done that. But no, let's be kind like this. Like you said, it's a habit, it's been wired to your brain over sometimes decades. Don't expect yourself to change overnight.

34:46 But also you can expect yourself to make big shifts if you pay attention and you focus on that. Well, that's interesting too. I mean a lot of people talk about mindset, they talk about consciousness. But as you're working with women and what do you find you focus on? You you really talk to them about their mindset, their consciousness, and the fact that if they're truly conscious of what's going on. In fact, I've when I was when I was in another school, after I finished my dental practice. One of the things they talked about was stepping outside of yourself and it kind of being that third party outside of yourself and just observing and listening and asking questions.

35:29 And to me, that best developing a mindset where you're actually able to look at it. And as you say, it's a tendency, it's not who I am. Oh, here's a tendency that I have. And so as you talk to women about that, do you find that talking about mindset, talking about consciousness? What do you talk to them about relative to that? Yes, I would say all of the above. The observer is something I use a lot because when you are and this is something from philosophies like a cartole angient philosophies and LP uses it. So there's just it's everywhere because it's so important when your first experience, like you fully associated with what's happening, you don't have choice. Oftentimes you're just going up, you know, with your patterns. And then when you just take a step back, right, that's what we say, oh, take a step back, right, even in our language, we know so when you take a step back and you start up that in that space, there's choice and you might take a step back and still feel a bit associate and be like, I'm not going to do it anyway, right, but still a choice.

36:34 And then you get better and better and be like wait, hold on. And that's the thing. The same thing when we work with the inner dialogue too, Like we say things to ourselves that can be mean, that can lead us to go and do the same old patterns. So having that observer mindset of like, well, hold on, is it me saying that or is it maybe like a childhood part of me on a certain judge part of me. You want to see it that is saying that potentially to protect me in their own way, even though that doesn't feel great. But if I'm observing it and I'm seeing like, oh, okay, this is not me, this is just a part of me chiming in, I can decide if I'm letting it run the show in the driver's seat or not.

37:19 Well. And you know, as you talk about that, one of the things that comes to my mind is this concept of change. And you know, I think people really struggle with change, and I think it takes a lot of bravery. Number One, if you've become aware of what's going on. You recognize that, then it's overcoming that fear of change and developing that bravery to the point that you're really willing to take the steps, for instance that you teaching your courses. So how do you help people that you see say, oh, yeah, I want to do this, but then you see that that fear is greater than their willingness to change. How do you help them to develop that career, that bravery to really follow through and start on that process.

38:05 It all comes back to what it's costing them and shifting that focus. Because for as long as they're focused on what it's what it would cause them to change, the pain of changing, and what they gain by staying in the status quo, they're going to stay in the status school. That's just normal every human being would. But if we change our focus to, like, well, hold on, how about maybe it's costing me more to stay in the status school and that could gain more by making the change than to stay here. Now we're starting to tip the scale why people change. Oftentimes, if we don't do that consciously, there's going to be sometimes Probably if you think in your own life, the moments where maybe you made a change something really dramatic happened, there was a threshold moment. Sometimes it might be a loss of a relationship. A lot of people, like a lot of women, they divorce or they change relationship and realize I don't want to be that way anymore. Like there's something big that happens. Sometimes it's getting sick unfortunately, And in these moments we're like, okay, enough suddenly why because in that moment it becomes more painful to continue that way and it tips the scale. But we don't have to wait until a threshold moment happens, because those on fun we can start doing that consciously by changing our focus to what is it costing us that's more than the opposite?

39:30 And what are we going to gain by making the change? And we might forget we have to remind ourselves. Yeah, And you know, you talk about personal responsibility ability, and you know, as you're talking about, what you're really doing is you're saying that an individual can literally change their life. And you know, as you mentioned, you grew up in a household of two different religions and I don't know if they were a Christian or Islam or whatever that happened to be, but so often I hear the comment, and sometimes I'm actually guilty of saying this myself. Well, this is God's will. You know, this is God's will, So I'm going to accept it rather than realizing that, Guess what, I can create the life that I want.

40:12 And how do you help women to realize that they literally have the ability to make the changes to create the life that they truly desire. Yeah, well, I love that because it's it's a duality. It's God's will, but also if you come from that perspective, God gave us free will. Yes, so it's both and it's not is it is it God's will? Is it free will? Maybe it's both, right, And so if someone is in that mindset, well, it's just God's will, I can't change anything. Well, hold on, like you got free will, right, that's from that part too, And then we can see.

40:55 I would help them see how some days, on how they choose to feel or what they focus on, they can have a great day or bad day. And it's not like it was destined to be that way, but it's in the perspective of things. And oftentimes coming to the observer mindset can help because and even I do that with myself. When I'm feeling like I'm struggling emotionally, I'll just kind of pop out a little bit and be like, nothing's happening right now. Here's this woman sitting in a room, it's silent, there's still outside. All this stuff is happening inside of here. It's not real right there outside. And so this is where the choice lies.

41:45 How are you gonna be inside of you? That's the self responsibility. Yes, people will be peopling, Yes the world will be worlding, and stuff will happen that it's out of your control. But even if we look in really tough situations in history, people who survived it that how they did it was with their mindset, which focusing on very hard, but by finding that one thing positive maybe that kept kept them in a place. And those are the people who survive. So it is possible to create that strength from within and take responsibility for how you feel and how you're reacting to things, and that has a direct correlation to your quality of life, regardless of what's happening outside of yourself.

42:29 And perhaps that's God's will for you to exercise your free will and learn how to create that life of joy and happiness. I know. I think of the comment the man is that he might have joy, and that's as well, but it's our responsibility to a large tribute to be able to accomplish that. So a couple of questions. Number one, how do people find you? And do you do one on one or is it mainly classes? I do do one on one and I do courses as well. I'm actually building another buddy of work that's actually came to me along my journey, which is the four Empowered Feminine archetypes. So I'm talking a lot about that too, and using the wisdom of these archetypes to empower yourself and grow, and so I talk a lot about that. I have a Facebook group called the Empowered Feminine Rising. This is free, of course, you can join, and you can find me on Instagram at with kind Awareness.

43:27 I go live there and share a lot of wisdom on that channel too, and of course on my website with kindawareness dot com as a hub for everything I do. So I do live classes, recorded classes, one on one, all of the above. That's great. So as we close, here's my question. As you just sit and pause from them and think, what would be the message that you would like to share with the audience that they take away as we finish the podcast. Mh I would say, people pleasing is not who you are. People pleasing is something you've learned, and it's possible to unlearn it and go to different depths within yourself of joy, of freedom and of enjoyment of life. And it's a path, it's a journey of kindness and awareness and it's totally worth it and you deserve it.

44:20 I love it. Thank you, thank you, Naja, thanks so much. It amazes me how fast time goes by, and you know, we're we're limited to literally forty five to forty seven minutes and here we are ready to go, and you know, what you're doing just fascinates me. The fact that you're able to help women to do this, I think is just remarkable. Thank you, Yeah, thank you, appreciate you. Kudo's going to you for doing that, really and folks, thanks for listening. I hope this has made a difference for you and that something resonates with you. If so, get to that website and you know, again, join the group, whatever it takes, and really understand that you can, in fact change your life. You have the ability to do it so anyway, this is doctor Doug saying have a wonderful week and Nomas Day now mis Day, Doctor Doug