May 5, 2025

Bravery is Built, Not Born

Bravery is Built, Not Born
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Fear holds many back from becoming their best selves. Jill Schulman, expert in leadership and positive psychology, shares how to build bravery like a muscle, take courageous action, and curate relationships that support growth. Learn the science-backed strategies to overcome fear and live without regret.
https://www.jillschulman.com

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This program is designed to provide general information with regards

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to the subject matters covered. This information is given with

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the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station

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are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,

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legal counseling, professional service, or any advice. You should seek

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the services of competent professionals before applying or trying any

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suggested ideas.

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At the end of the day, it's not about what

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you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what

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you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up,

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who you've made better. It's about what you've given back

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Thanzel Washington, Welcome to Inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is

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to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you

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to do the same.

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Jill, welcome to the show.

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Thank you so much for having me.

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Hey, this is real, rare, great topic. It's for me.

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It just really struck me hard when I saw that

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this is what you talked about, because I've been considering

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this particular topic and relationship to helping people to understand

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how to really become their better selves. And we'll get

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into that. But what I'd love for you to do

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is to kind of share with the audience your journey.

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Who are you, what is your past, and how did

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you come to this point in time where you're talking

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about bravery. Yeah.

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Sure, So I started my life journey in the Midwest

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in Minnesota, and then my first career was blowing things

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up in the Marine Corps. I was a United States Marine.

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I was a combat Engineer officer, and then I moved

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from being someone who was responsible for marines that would

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blow things up to then I started selling drugs, the

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legal kind right pharmaceutical industry. I went into Corporate America.

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Fell in love with science and the industry of helping people,

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so I went into that industry. So I worked in

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Corporate America for thirteen years, and then I realized how

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much I valued so much of the personal development and

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the leadership development. I realized that just because I was

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a United States Marine Corps officer doesn't mean I was

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a great leader yet, and I learned so much about

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how to look at myself and become a better person,

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how to be a better leader. And so I ended

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up moving into that space doing leadership development inside of

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a Fortune one hundred company and then that was my

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jumping off point and I started my own company. It

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had such an impact on me as a leader as

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a person. I really loved just helping others become their

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best self. So I've had my company for now ten years,

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and a few years ago, just because I love learning

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and growing, I decided to go back to school and

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study and I decided to study the science of happiness

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and well being or positive psychology, which I feel like

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a lot of people are talking about the science of happiness,

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And what I ended up researching and really honing in

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on as I did my research for my capstone project

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was really what we're talking about today, which is how

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do people how do you help people really become their

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best selves, accomplish the meaningful things they want in life,

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and what really holds them back? And that led me

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to realizing that sometimes fear like people really want to

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do things, they want to accomplish things, but they don't

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do it, and what's the reason they let fear hold

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them back? So I was become obsessed and said, how

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do I help people overcome that fear? Because if you

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don't overcome that fear and you stay, you stay in

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this comfort zone. Right, then you live a life of regret,

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and then you don't see how great like life can be.

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So that's what landed me where I am today now,

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I write, I speak, I research the science of bravery.

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Oh I love that, and you know it's so true.

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I'm glad you brought up fear because I was hoping

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you would talk about that, because what I have found

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is that fear, as you say, it stops so many

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people in so many ways. You know, I've interviewed a

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lot of people who talk about how they're continually getting

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into these bad relationships and they don't get out of them,

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and they keep getting attracted to the same time and

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so forth. And as I've looked at that, and as

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we've talked about that, I think one of the key

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elements is the fear of change, the fear of something,

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the fear of the unknown versus being able to accept

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I mean, comfortable with the known, creates such a such

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a dichotomy because then they're not able to get out,

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as you say, and I actually do what they want

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to do. And I'm loving the pictures. It's just behind

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you is that Buddha.

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There is Buddha. And then if you look around my

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office I have everything's very intentional. There let me see

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way down, I'm trying to get my fingers right here.

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But right up.

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There that is Epictetus, right stoke philosopher. That's Marcus Aurelius

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right there. So yeah, I have a lot of a

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lot of different inspiring figures that really influence my work

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and create the environment to call forth my best work.

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So yeah, and then.

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Isn't it interesting those philosophies? And I found as I've

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studied many of them that I really look at what

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are the similarities, and there's so many similarities between that

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and the whole goal is to help people not to suffer.

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And that's one of Buddha's mad because this is not

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to suffer. And yet here you have and here we're

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talking about how people areeing that suffering in their lives

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because of fear, because of the inability to move forward.

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So let's talk about that a bit. When you talk

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about the science of bravery, what would you say that.

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Is, well, it's looking at what are the things that

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we know with the scientific evidence to back it up

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on how we can build bravery so that people can

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step forward in the presence of fear, because look at

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what is bravery? I get that question. Then what is

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bravery and what is it not? So bravery is defined

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as not eliminating fear. It's not becoming fearless, it's not

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it's not waiting until you're perfectly ready in confidence. So

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bravery is taking steps forward in the presence of fear.

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So that's the first thing that people need to understand.

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I think that's why people don't take steps forward, keep

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waiting until they're not scared anymore. Well, it's not gonna

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happen if you're gonna wait until you're ready, if you're

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gonna wait until there's no fear, then you're probably never

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gonna take a step forward, and that's why they get stuck. Right. So,

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so that's what bravery is. And then you add the

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science of bravery. You know, let's look at the scientific

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rigor behind. What are things that people can do to

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build bravery? And what I'm excited to share with the

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world is there's things that anyone can do to build

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their bravery. And I use an analogy of it's like

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a muscle. You know, if you want to build a

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bicep and you have you don't have very strong muscles.

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You're gonna go to the gym and you're going to

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keep working out that muscle until it gets stronger. Well,

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what we know about bravery, there's things that you can do,

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think of exercises for your bravery muscle, for your brain

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that can help you build that capacity for bravery so

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you can take those courageous, courageous actions. So so I

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call it the science of bravery because I think there's

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a lot of people that are just kind of motivational

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and be like, just go out there and be brave

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and rah rah, right, you know, which I appreciate their

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passion and they're trying to help people. But I feel

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like I have a responsibility because like I'm a nerd,

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Like I'm not going to just tell you what I

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think you should do to be brave. I got to

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tell you the things that I know with scientific certainty

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that if you do these things, it will lead to

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you being braver and then stepping forward toward what you

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want and that's going to lead to your greatest life.

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So yeah, and you know, the question that I have

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had oftentimes is, in fact, I was talking to someone

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that I interviewed just last week, and I asked, you know,

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she's doing a lot of astrology and that kind of stuff,

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and I said, so are you doing life coaching? And

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her comment was I was, but I quit because people

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never were able to get aware of what the issues were.

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And so as you talk about bravery, and you're talking

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about you know, as you were in the Marines and

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you were with you know, obviously observing fighting going on

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and that type of thing, and also now in the

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corporate world where what you're doing, how many times do

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you find that they're not even aware of the issues

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that they need to be brave about.

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Yeah, I mean first is awareness. Yeah, I think that

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I think what people are unaware of. I think people

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mistakenly think that the path to happiness and well being

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is staying comfortable. As you use the word suffering earlier. Right,

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I don't want to suffer, so I should just stay

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comfortable and I shouldn't take any risks because isn't that

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what will bring me happiness? But I need to tell

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everyone the truth, right, and the truth is choosing the

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easy path. Staying comfortable all the time is the to suffering. Right,

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So that awareness comes about when you when you help

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people understand that when you step into challenges, when you

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step toward things that you're scared of, those are the

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things that are going to bring you the greatest levels

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of happiness and well being and fulfillment. But it seems

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kind of counterintuitive, and and Doug, especially right now, I

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think that our world has gotten a little too soft.

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We're getting a little too soft trying to take away

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all like, let's take away stress, let's take away discomfort,

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if there's any adversity, let's take it away. It's just

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not it's not realistic. I mean, I think the younger generation.

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I can say this because I've got two teenage daughters.

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I think there's just a culture of just let me

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have more me days and and and you know, I

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just I want I want my me day. I want

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things to be easy. If you have a me day,

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a self careday six out of seven days, you're just

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being lazy and you just don't want to get uncomfortable.

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If you have a self care of me day once

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a week, then it's a good rest to be able

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to get back to doing the hard thing. So I

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think in general, the pendulum is swung too far. And yes,

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you know, I believe that sometimes people can encounter too

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much stress and diversity, and they do need to get

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a little bit of a rest. But just in general,

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our world is getting too soft, and I guess I'm

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on a mission to help people understand that they are

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stronger than they think, and if they try to step

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into things that are hard and uncomfortable, that will actually

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lead to a more comfortable, better life.

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Well, and you know, you talked about the culture of softness,

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and I totally agree with you on that, but also

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what I observe is a culture of anger. And you know,

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it's it's fascinating. I've got a good friend that all

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of a sudden, I'm starting to see a bunch of

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posts that are just there's a sense of anger in

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each of those posts, and particularly with all the changes

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that have taken place politically and so forth, all of

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a sudden, here's all these posts going on about anger, anger, anger.

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And it was interesting because I looked at that and

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I thought, you know, what, we tend to allow ourselves

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to be angry. And my experience is is if you

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look at that, that anger, if you really try to

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analyze that, that goes back deeper than just what's happening today.

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It goes back into that childhood, It goes back into

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whatever experiences so that when a trigger occurs, that anger arises.

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And I think so many people are not willing to

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really look at that. So how do you help people

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as you're working with people, particularly the leadership that you

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do with the leadership training, how do you help a

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leader that's struggling to really be willing? Is the bravery

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to be looking at introspectively what's really going on in

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my life, what's causing this type of behavior and this

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type of emotion which then reflects in my behavior.

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Well, I think when people look in the mirror and

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have to be honest and a little bit vulnerable, that's

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the ultimate form of bravery. Right. It's very easy to

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point the fingers of blame on why things are not

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going well, but we've got to take some ownership there.

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You to talk about people being angry, like, you know,

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I spend a lot of time teaching leaders about emotional intelligence, right,

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just teaching them that I understand that things happen and

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you have these emotional responses, but these things are going

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to continue happening. The world is is there's always going

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to be stressed, There's going to be adversity things that

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are happening, but you have the choice on how to

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how you let that impact you. Right, So, emotional intelligence,

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things happen, You've got the triggers, but how you respond

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to those triggers ultimately impacts your life the life of

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the people that you lead. So are you just going

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to become a victim and allow events happening in the

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world just dictate your mood and control you or are

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you going to decide that You're going to decide how

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to respond in the best way to best serve you,

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the team that you lead, and your family. So, like

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I say, look in the mirror, right, what is the

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impact of you getting angry and just and then letting

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that angry eat you up? And is that really what

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you want? So I think a lot of the work

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that I do is I want people to really look

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in the mirror and go, what is it that you

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really want in life? What is the impact that you

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want to have in life? And what's holding you back

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from being able to accomplish it? And usually fear is

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that root cause?

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Well, and you know you're working with the corporate America.

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But what I have found and I say, but and

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what I have about is that each one of us

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in our lives needs to be that individual leader. And

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so what you talk about, in my opinion, is so

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important just for individuals to understand that, you know, what,

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their lives are dictated by their own personal leadership, and

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so everything that you're talking about is it is so

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true and applies to that. Now, I know you talk

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about three pillars of bravery, and I'd love for you

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to talk about that a little bit more and we'll

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get into that discussion.

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Yeah. Well, as I just want to add onto what

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you're saying, which is a great link into the three pillars,

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which sometimes the hardest person to lead is to lead yourself.

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So the three pillars that I talk about I commonly

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reference as self leadership. Right, so we've got to be

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great self leaders right first before we can lead others.

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So you know this, these three pillars that would be

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going over with you, this is really for an individual

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to be able to apply the way I'm gonna explain it.

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But then the job of the leaders is how do

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you develop your team employees that are self leaders. If

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you can have a team of self leaders that have

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these three pillars, they're doing it consistently, then you're going

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to be the best leader ever. But let's start like

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thinking of the individual. So in order for someone to

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build this capacity for bravery, there's really three different dimensions

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of things that you know, exercises that we can do

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to build the skill, and they're all interconnected. So if

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you start moving on one, it ends up impacting another dimension.

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So they're all like interconnected. So there's brave mindset, there's

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brave actions, and there's brave relationships. And when you leverage

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all three together, it absolutely creates this upward spiral and

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helps you achieve those things that you've always wanted that

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you're fearful of. So brave mindset is really believing that

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you can achieve hard things. It's believing that with hard

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work and effort you'll be able to develop that new skill,

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that you'll be able to accomplish that goal. So a

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lot of the research that's under my brave mindset comes

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from Carol Dweck, who's known for her growth mindset using

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the power of yet. Like if I say I have

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this goal that I want to run a five k race,

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and I say to myself, right, I'm not a runner.

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What am I kidding me, I could never do that.

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I'm not a runner. You just think of like add

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that power of yet, I'm not a runner yet, or

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I could not run a five k yet. So if

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you use that word yet, what it does it unlocks

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our perception of thinking, like our skills and abilities are

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not fixed. With hard work and effort, I can get there.

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So brave mindset is and there's four different things that

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I teach there and I don't need to go into

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all of them, but it's all these different really cognitive

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skills of believing that it's possible. Imagine if someone doesn't

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believe it's ever possible to do something really hard, Well,

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if you don't believe it's possible, then you're not going

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to take action. So we got to start working on

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the mindset first.

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And actually I want you to talk about those four elements.

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You don't have to go into it in depth, but

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I'll just kind of list them. Yeah, go ahead.

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Yeah. So one is what I talked about in terms

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of growth mindset, so believing that it's possible using the

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power of yet. The second thing is that stress is

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enhancing mindset coming from Aliah Crumb Kelly McGonagall, where they

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have done a lot of research on your mindset on

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stress or challenges is predictive of your response to stress.

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So it's really changing people's mindset instead of thinking like, oh,

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stress and adversity or challenges are horrible, it's shifting it

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to challenges our opportunities for me to grow skills and

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get stronger. When I experience stress, this is my body

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responding in a way to help me perform at my best. Right,

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I can feel my heart pumping, I can feel breathing.

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This is my body preparing me to do my best,

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so that stress is enhancing mindset. Third is really all

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around positive emotions Barbara Frederickson's work. Also Marty Seligman, father

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of positive psychology, on his Learned Optimism, it's teaching people

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that you do not have to be victim victims of

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your emotions back to emotional intelligence. Instead, we can acknowledge

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the emotions that we feel right, but then we can

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actually generate the emotions that are gonna best serve us,

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the teams that we lead, or the people in our lives.

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So it's all the research there on generating positive emotions.

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And then finally the fourth thing and brave mindset is

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for us to really take control of our self talk.

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You know, many of us have this little internal voice.

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Actually we all do. We all have this internal chatter

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of things that we tell ourselves. And many times that

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internal chatter is this this voice that says, you can't

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do it, you suck, you're a loser, You're never going

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to be able to do this. So sometimes we have

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this little voice in our head that is saying always negative,

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like pessimistic things. And this goes back to teaching people

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that you have the power to be able to refute

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those things and change that constant dialogue in your head

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because those words you keep hearing do have an impact

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on your performance. So there's ways that we can try

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to change that internal dialogue to better service. So those

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are the four practical strategies that I teach and break.

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Will and I love that last one because you know,

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we talk so much about mindset, and one thing we

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don't talk about as much some do is the fact

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that here's these neural pathways that have been developed. It's habitual.

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So as you talk about I'm not good enough, all

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of these imprints that we developed as young children or whenever,

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it's habitual because it's been impregnated into our mind along

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those neuropathways, and so the ability as you were talking about,

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to be able to change those and science tells us

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now that you can literally take a neural pathway, move

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it to the side, and create a new one which

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is much more positive.

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Yeah, and this goes back to my analogy of building

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a muscle, Like the first time you go into the

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gym and try to lift some really heavy dumbbells, like,

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it's going to be hard and you're going to be sore.

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So as you start working on building your bravery and

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start doing some of these exercises or in the academic word,

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they call them interventions, but it's just exer kind of

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brain exercises. In practice, it's going to be hard in

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the beginning because you don't really have that part of

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your brain isn't as strong, and you don't have as

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many neuropathways. But you do the work and then just

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like your muscle goes, oh god, that was a hard workout.

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I better make that muscle stronger, our brain does the

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same thing. So our neuroplasticity, like it'll start building and

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then it gets This is the thing, is it gets

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easier over time. Right, we get cortical thickening. So like

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our brains are like in a way. I mean, they're

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not muscles, but I love the analogy because you know,

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parts of our brain can literally get thicker when we

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work them out. And then, as you talked about neuropathways,

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we're going to start creating many more new neural pathways

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to light up that part of our brain. So we've

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got more super highways going to that part of our

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brain and that part of our brain, and so it does.

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It actually gets easier over time. And that's when I

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say you're developing this capacity for bravery. It's hard in

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the beginning, but once you start getting some momentum, it

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gets easier over time.

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So are you using affirmations to help people use affirmations

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to use meditation? I know one thing that I do

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is as I'm meditating, I like the concept of very

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specific meditative quote affirmations that I will say out loud

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as I'm doing my walking meditation to literally, you know,

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be able to start to change those areas that I

401
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find I struggle with. And if I'm doing that constantly, constantly,

402
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that starts to change that neural pathway. What's your approach

403
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on that how to help people to kind of do.

404
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That, you know, I think there's a lot of different

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ways we can try to help people change that internal dialogue.

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One of the ones that I learned when when I

407
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was when I was at U Penn earning my master's

408
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in positive psychology, I was sitting in a class and

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one of my professors was doctor Karen Revick, and she

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told me a way to change our internal dialogue. And

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for me, it absolutely worked, and I found it's been

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really really practical for my audiences especially, I've got to

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I got to admit something to sometimes if things feel

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a little too soft and a little too woo woo,

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I kind of like roll my eyes or in my

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audience when I go to Corporate America and I've got

417
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all of these business people, like sometimes what I teach them,

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I've got to make sure just it makes sense to

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them where they're going to do it. Where if I

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start talking about we're going to start meditating, and we're

421
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going to start with affirmations, like I might lose them

422
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right there right exactly now. So So I when I

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was doing my research too, I'm like, what are the

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what are some of these things I can teach people

425
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to do that that almost everyone it would be willing

426
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to do. And I have this test, like if my

427
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husband would do it, then anyone will do it because

428
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he's the one that will roll his eyes. So it's like,

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do will it pass like my husband's test. So what

430
00:24:51.160 --> 00:24:54.759
she recommended is she says, you know when you're when

431
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you're listening to that in your dialogue, she goes, I

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just want you to listen to it, and when you realize, like,

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is that really help helping me? And if the voice

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in your eye is not helping you, you got to

435
00:25:03.559 --> 00:25:07.720
recognize it and say, huh, like let's change this. Let's

436
00:25:07.799 --> 00:25:10.079
change it. So first of all is awareness, awareness of

437
00:25:10.200 --> 00:25:12.160
like listen to that internal voice and if it's not

438
00:25:12.200 --> 00:25:15.039
helping you, let's decide to do something about it. So

439
00:25:15.079 --> 00:25:17.960
I love that in terms of awareness, and then her

440
00:25:18.000 --> 00:25:21.559
strategy that she taught in classes, she goes, I want

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00:25:21.599 --> 00:25:24.440
you to imagine that that exact same thing that you're

442
00:25:24.480 --> 00:25:26.599
telling yourself in your head, you just heard someone you

443
00:25:26.640 --> 00:25:29.720
care about say out loud about themselves. Maybe it's your child,

444
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maybe it's your best friend, it's someone that you care

445
00:25:32.359 --> 00:25:35.279
about deeply. You've just heard him say those horrible things

446
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that you said in your own like I can't do it,

447
00:25:37.160 --> 00:25:39.480
I'm not good en not whatever those things are. And

448
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then she says, what would you say to that loved one?

449
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What's the truthful thing that you would say to that

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you know? And she calls it, what is the truth

451
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that you want to try to tell them? And if

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it was one of my teenage daughters, I would say,

453
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that is absolutely not true. You do have the ability.

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It's going to take some time and effort, but you

455
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are you are great, you are capable. You can do it.

456
00:26:02.119 --> 00:26:05.000
So those affirmations I sneak them in there. I sneak

457
00:26:05.039 --> 00:26:08.119
them in there, but I do it with Karen Riiviick's

458
00:26:08.400 --> 00:26:10.880
you know, her strategy here is if you just think

459
00:26:10.920 --> 00:26:13.559
about how do you overcome it? Recognize when you're saying

460
00:26:13.559 --> 00:26:16.839
something to yourself that isn't helping you, and then imagine

461
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what you would say to somebody else that you care about,

462
00:26:20.039 --> 00:26:22.160
how would you help them change their thinking? And you

463
00:26:22.200 --> 00:26:26.559
apply that to yourself. Be that person that helps with

464
00:26:26.640 --> 00:26:29.200
your own internal dialogue. So when you kind of do this,

465
00:26:29.839 --> 00:26:32.400
when you detach yourself from the thoughts and say, what

466
00:26:32.400 --> 00:26:34.400
would an outside person that cares about me, say to me.

467
00:26:34.440 --> 00:26:37.640
It helps people come up with that really easily and

468
00:26:37.680 --> 00:26:40.279
they think it's it makes sense and it's not too

469
00:26:40.279 --> 00:26:43.000
wu wu where most people actually do that. So that's

470
00:26:43.039 --> 00:26:45.720
one of the primary strategies I uset. I just sneak

471
00:26:45.759 --> 00:26:46.000
it in.

472
00:26:45.920 --> 00:26:50.799
There well, and it reminds me. As I went back

473
00:26:50.799 --> 00:26:53.400
to business school and got really into human behavior, one

474
00:26:53.400 --> 00:26:56.039
of the things that they talked about is step outside

475
00:26:56.079 --> 00:27:00.000
of yourself. And you know, so when you're talking about awordeness,

476
00:27:00.119 --> 00:27:03.119
step outside of yourself and observe what's going on. But

477
00:27:03.200 --> 00:27:05.599
then I love what you say there also step outside

478
00:27:05.599 --> 00:27:08.640
of yourself and start to talk to yourself. And I

479
00:27:08.680 --> 00:27:10.599
love that approach. I think that's brilliant.

480
00:27:11.200 --> 00:27:13.960
Yeah, and it's just simple. It's just it's a simple

481
00:27:14.160 --> 00:27:14.960
way of doing it.

482
00:27:15.200 --> 00:27:18.480
Yeah, it really is. So there's the brave mindset. Now

483
00:27:18.599 --> 00:27:21.160
let's talk about the brave action all right.

484
00:27:21.240 --> 00:27:24.359
Well, the reason why it's so important to go to

485
00:27:24.400 --> 00:27:29.000
these other two dimensions of bravery is there I think

486
00:27:29.039 --> 00:27:33.200
a lot of people out there that there their dreamers.

487
00:27:33.240 --> 00:27:36.079
They set goals, they believe they can do anything, but

488
00:27:36.119 --> 00:27:39.839
then they don't take a step forward. So so brave

489
00:27:39.880 --> 00:27:43.519
action is you know, the brave mindset opens up the

490
00:27:43.559 --> 00:27:46.400
door for possibility, but brave action is stepping through that door.

491
00:27:46.480 --> 00:27:49.960
So brave action are what are some of the evidence

492
00:27:50.000 --> 00:27:53.640
based practices that help people take that step through the door.

493
00:27:53.880 --> 00:27:56.480
So so one of them that I teach my clients

494
00:27:56.480 --> 00:27:58.640
so we can go back to my like my strategies.

495
00:27:58.920 --> 00:28:02.039
One is set a tangible goal. So once you set

496
00:28:02.079 --> 00:28:05.119
that tangible goal of what is it that you want

497
00:28:05.119 --> 00:28:09.279
to accomplish, you've got to make sure that it's both meaningful, right,

498
00:28:09.359 --> 00:28:12.000
so it matters, it really matters to you intrinsically. It's

499
00:28:12.000 --> 00:28:15.200
got to be something that's important to you, and it

500
00:28:15.319 --> 00:28:17.319
also has to be challenging. It's got to get you

501
00:28:17.359 --> 00:28:19.119
out of your comfort zone. And then it's also got

502
00:28:19.160 --> 00:28:21.400
to be specific. Due to Lock and Latham's research on

503
00:28:21.480 --> 00:28:24.559
you know, goal setting theory, So if you believe that

504
00:28:24.599 --> 00:28:25.880
you can do hard things and you kind of have

505
00:28:25.920 --> 00:28:27.400
a wish, then we got to get to the work

506
00:28:27.440 --> 00:28:30.640
of saying, let's set that tangible goal and let's make

507
00:28:30.680 --> 00:28:34.079
sure that's written down right. And then the next step

508
00:28:34.160 --> 00:28:37.599
after you develop that goal is I use the analogy

509
00:28:37.599 --> 00:28:39.559
of a ladder, and I think it's been used. I don't.

510
00:28:39.559 --> 00:28:41.000
I don't know who to give credit to for the

511
00:28:41.079 --> 00:28:43.880
ladder analogy. I certainly didn't come up with it. But

512
00:28:44.000 --> 00:28:46.440
if if you think of your goal as the top

513
00:28:47.519 --> 00:28:50.319
rung to this ladder, right, and then of course your

514
00:28:50.440 --> 00:28:52.880
ladder is leaning against the thing that's very meaningful to you.

515
00:28:53.000 --> 00:28:55.519
So think of that analogy. Now you need to come

516
00:28:55.599 --> 00:28:59.319
up with what are the what are the rungs to

517
00:28:59.400 --> 00:29:02.119
the ladder that will lead you to the top. So

518
00:29:02.440 --> 00:29:07.519
breaking down how to accomplish the goal in those achievable

519
00:29:07.519 --> 00:29:10.799
steps makes you feel more comfortable to take that step.

520
00:29:10.839 --> 00:29:15.480
So it's developing those implementation intentions in the literature, but

521
00:29:15.559 --> 00:29:18.799
you still can't stop there. So one of the keys

522
00:29:19.519 --> 00:29:21.880
to being able to achieve your goal, and this is

523
00:29:21.880 --> 00:29:24.480
coming from someone who's an expert in positive psychology, is

524
00:29:24.519 --> 00:29:26.640
thinking about what will get in your way and what

525
00:29:26.680 --> 00:29:32.799
will go wrong. This is doctor Gabrielle Uttengen's research where

526
00:29:33.240 --> 00:29:36.759
she talks about if you really want to achieve something

527
00:29:36.799 --> 00:29:41.519
that's important to you, you need to anticipate the adversity

528
00:29:42.039 --> 00:29:46.480
the challenges, both externally and many times internally, and then

529
00:29:46.559 --> 00:29:49.240
develop contingency plans on what you're going to do if

530
00:29:49.279 --> 00:29:52.359
that happens. Imagine I set a goal I want to

531
00:29:52.400 --> 00:29:54.279
go to the gym each day. That's those are my

532
00:29:54.319 --> 00:29:57.200
little steps. It's really thinking about what might get in

533
00:29:57.240 --> 00:30:01.480
my way of getting to the gym. Ternal challenges would

534
00:30:01.519 --> 00:30:04.319
be like there's a blizzard, there's no way I can

535
00:30:04.319 --> 00:30:07.039
get to the gym, or maybe my car battery doesn't work.

536
00:30:07.759 --> 00:30:10.000
But most of the times it's not those external things,

537
00:30:10.039 --> 00:30:13.680
you know. It usually is it's us and you know.

538
00:30:14.200 --> 00:30:17.319
And so she really has you go through and identify

539
00:30:17.920 --> 00:30:20.000
the things that may get in your way from taking action,

540
00:30:20.319 --> 00:30:22.799
and then she has you do contingency planning. So I

541
00:30:22.839 --> 00:30:27.559
love her work, which is absolutely brilliant. So you actually

542
00:30:27.599 --> 00:30:29.440
want to think about what may get in your way

543
00:30:30.200 --> 00:30:32.960
and develop a ingency plan so that way, when it happens,

544
00:30:33.680 --> 00:30:35.920
you just go right into action. You've got your ntingency plan.

545
00:30:36.079 --> 00:30:39.640
Or when something goes wrong, instead of like the sky

546
00:30:39.759 --> 00:30:42.799
is falling, like you know what, this isn't working and

547
00:30:42.839 --> 00:30:45.960
I'm just going to quit, you're ready, you psychologically like

548
00:30:46.119 --> 00:30:48.799
ready when there's a challenge, because if you're setting a

549
00:30:48.839 --> 00:30:51.000
challenging goal, there are going to be bumps in the road.

550
00:30:51.079 --> 00:30:53.480
So when a bump in the road, happens. You're not

551
00:30:53.559 --> 00:30:55.880
going to just go in the corner and cry and

552
00:30:55.920 --> 00:30:57.400
say it didn't work. You're going to be able to

553
00:30:57.400 --> 00:30:57.960
overcome it.

554
00:30:58.599 --> 00:31:00.279
Well, I love that, And you know, when when I

555
00:31:00.319 --> 00:31:02.440
was working with small businesses, I never got into the

556
00:31:02.440 --> 00:31:06.599
corporate area. But I love your ladder analogy and because

557
00:31:06.640 --> 00:31:09.599
what I would do and using that analogy, I'd say, Okay,

558
00:31:09.640 --> 00:31:13.920
what's your goal? What's your dream? Now, here's the top wrong,

559
00:31:14.079 --> 00:31:16.519
this is what you're achieving. Let's go to the wrong

560
00:31:16.599 --> 00:31:20.039
right before that? What would have to happen here for

561
00:31:20.160 --> 00:31:23.839
you to achieve that? And then okay, if you have

562
00:31:24.119 --> 00:31:26.720
done that, what do you need to do here on

563
00:31:26.759 --> 00:31:29.200
this rung in order to achieve that? And then you

564
00:31:29.279 --> 00:31:31.960
start working backwards and all of a sudden, that's where

565
00:31:32.079 --> 00:31:35.720
the awareness of oh my goodness, I've got to start.

566
00:31:35.480 --> 00:31:38.160
Right here, we got to start right here. And then

567
00:31:38.359 --> 00:31:41.799
but they at least see like they see the steps

568
00:31:42.400 --> 00:31:44.519
and that first step is something they think they can do.

569
00:31:44.559 --> 00:31:47.480
And then the last part of brave action gets to

570
00:31:48.480 --> 00:31:55.519
ruthless planning, prioritization, and focus. We are naturally wired many

571
00:31:55.559 --> 00:32:01.400
times to procrastinate. Are you procrastinator? I'm a procrastinator? If

572
00:32:01.440 --> 00:32:04.880
I don't. So if we've got a big project or

573
00:32:04.920 --> 00:32:06.400
a goal and we know that we've got to get

574
00:32:06.440 --> 00:32:08.319
things done, we wake up in the morning and usually

575
00:32:08.319 --> 00:32:10.599
the first thing that we do is not the hard thing.

576
00:32:11.119 --> 00:32:12.720
We will do the easy thing, the easy thing, and

577
00:32:12.720 --> 00:32:14.119
then we wait until the end of the day do

578
00:32:14.160 --> 00:32:15.480
the hard thing, and many times at the end of

579
00:32:15.480 --> 00:32:18.359
the day we just push it to tomorrow. So this

580
00:32:18.640 --> 00:32:22.839
is developing the discipline to decide what do I need

581
00:32:22.920 --> 00:32:25.599
to do each day or at a minimum each week.

582
00:32:25.640 --> 00:32:27.599
You can look at your Sometimes if you have a

583
00:32:27.599 --> 00:32:29.559
big goal, maybe you'll work on a big goal like

584
00:32:29.640 --> 00:32:31.200
two days a week. But you've got to do the

585
00:32:31.279 --> 00:32:37.079
ruthless planning, prioritization, and you have to attack those hard

586
00:32:37.119 --> 00:32:40.000
tasks first thing in the morning. So you got to

587
00:32:40.079 --> 00:32:42.200
run at the really hard things. And when you do

588
00:32:42.240 --> 00:32:45.400
that first thing in the morning, you get a dopamine hit,

589
00:32:45.599 --> 00:32:48.279
you feel so accomplished, and you become more productive throughout

590
00:32:48.279 --> 00:32:51.039
the day. So instead of putting off the hard thing,

591
00:32:51.079 --> 00:32:54.000
it's teaching people that you wake up first thing in

592
00:32:54.039 --> 00:32:57.640
the morning and you go right after the hardest thing,

593
00:32:58.519 --> 00:33:02.680
the thing that you maybe even be dreading, the thing

594
00:33:02.720 --> 00:33:04.920
that you're dreading, doing or the most uncomfortable. If you

595
00:33:04.960 --> 00:33:08.480
start with that, it's amazing how you can start training

596
00:33:08.480 --> 00:33:11.880
your brain to again attack the hard things, get him

597
00:33:11.880 --> 00:33:13.480
going first thing in the morning, and then you're so

598
00:33:13.559 --> 00:33:17.440
much more productive and you start getting this momentum. You've

599
00:33:17.400 --> 00:33:19.880
ever heard of Brian Tracy in the business world, remember.

600
00:33:19.599 --> 00:33:22.000
That name, Oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah.

601
00:33:21.680 --> 00:33:25.519
Okay, So he wrote the book called Eat that Frog right,

602
00:33:25.599 --> 00:33:28.799
and his whole book was he said, Mark Twain at

603
00:33:28.799 --> 00:33:31.599
this this, this this phrase, like, if you eat a

604
00:33:31.640 --> 00:33:33.680
frog first in the morning, there's nothing harder that you're

605
00:33:33.680 --> 00:33:35.839
going to do, and your day is going to go great.

606
00:33:35.920 --> 00:33:38.720
So he's the one who I think sold, you know,

607
00:33:39.039 --> 00:33:41.559
thirty eight million copies of that book. But the whole

608
00:33:41.559 --> 00:33:45.400
concept was ruthless planning, prioritization, and focus. If you really

609
00:33:45.440 --> 00:33:47.119
care about the goal, you need to get after it

610
00:33:47.160 --> 00:33:50.119
first thing each day. And it's really hard in the beginning,

611
00:33:50.200 --> 00:33:53.240
but you develop that habit of doing that, and then

612
00:33:53.240 --> 00:33:55.279
you crave that dopamine hit. You want to get that

613
00:33:55.319 --> 00:33:57.279
hardest thing done well.

614
00:33:57.319 --> 00:33:59.640
And you know you talked about originally, you know, the

615
00:33:59.720 --> 00:34:02.960
call sure easy. How many times do you see people

616
00:34:03.079 --> 00:34:05.839
trying to jump those rungs. In other words, go for

617
00:34:05.960 --> 00:34:08.719
wrung number two to run number five and not worry

618
00:34:08.719 --> 00:34:09.719
about three four.

619
00:34:10.400 --> 00:34:14.480
And what happens when they do that, well, you know,

620
00:34:15.079 --> 00:34:17.320
I mean sometimes good things can happen and maybe they

621
00:34:17.320 --> 00:34:19.840
have to skip a step, but you know it, you

622
00:34:19.880 --> 00:34:21.679
know so many things, and maybe I'm gonna get a

623
00:34:21.679 --> 00:34:25.639
little too deeper philosophical here is you know, getting up

624
00:34:25.679 --> 00:34:30.320
to the top of the ladder. That is a great goal,

625
00:34:30.320 --> 00:34:33.599
and you do want to achieve the goal, but really

626
00:34:33.639 --> 00:34:36.840
the thing that we're really striving for is not just

627
00:34:36.920 --> 00:34:40.119
achieving the goal at the top and getting to the top.

628
00:34:40.239 --> 00:34:44.760
It's it's who we're becoming on the journey, the transformation

629
00:34:44.880 --> 00:34:47.960
that we're experiencing, right because guess what what happens when

630
00:34:48.000 --> 00:34:52.360
you get to the top ring, You know, when you achieve.

631
00:34:52.480 --> 00:34:55.000
If you're always waiting to be happy when you get

632
00:34:55.039 --> 00:34:58.159
to the goal accomplishment, then it's not going to last

633
00:34:58.239 --> 00:34:59.840
very long, right, Like we'll be happy for a day

634
00:34:59.920 --> 00:35:01.599
or but then it's like what is the next thing?

635
00:35:01.679 --> 00:35:05.800
So like it's getting it's learning how to love the

636
00:35:05.880 --> 00:35:09.719
journey of taking brave action and when you develop these

637
00:35:09.719 --> 00:35:11.880
have it it's something that serves you and it's like

638
00:35:11.880 --> 00:35:14.519
you're growing and you're developing along the way. So it's

639
00:35:15.320 --> 00:35:18.559
really what I love about the science of bravery is

640
00:35:18.599 --> 00:35:21.960
when people start putting this into practice and you ask them,

641
00:35:22.000 --> 00:35:24.760
like what impact has it had, they don't really talk

642
00:35:24.800 --> 00:35:26.960
about achieving the goal. They're like, it's the person that

643
00:35:27.000 --> 00:35:27.920
I've become.

644
00:35:28.599 --> 00:35:32.400
And that's yeah, yeah, I love that. In fact, I

645
00:35:32.480 --> 00:35:35.519
talk about that a lot because it's like, you know,

646
00:35:35.599 --> 00:35:39.079
you look at your behavior and it's merely a reflection

647
00:35:39.199 --> 00:35:41.800
of who you are. And so when people are trying

648
00:35:41.840 --> 00:35:45.800
to change outcomes in their lives, it's not a matter

649
00:35:45.920 --> 00:35:49.280
of doing this, doing this, doing this. It's becoming and

650
00:35:49.360 --> 00:35:52.559
as you say, going up the steps of the ladder,

651
00:35:52.960 --> 00:35:56.360
it's a transformation that's taking place within yourself. And I

652
00:35:56.400 --> 00:35:58.440
love that that you talked about that.

653
00:35:59.199 --> 00:36:04.199
Yeah, yeah, it's really helping people move from like I'm

654
00:36:04.199 --> 00:36:06.800
a victim of life and life it just happens to me,

655
00:36:06.920 --> 00:36:10.320
and teaching them that you can be the hero, right.

656
00:36:10.559 --> 00:36:13.159
I mean, it's really taking people almost through a hero's journey,

657
00:36:13.199 --> 00:36:17.440
like you can take the wheel and steer your life.

658
00:36:17.880 --> 00:36:20.760
And when you do, it's hard and there's going to

659
00:36:20.800 --> 00:36:23.519
be some bumps along the road. But it is absolutely

660
00:36:23.719 --> 00:36:27.639
exhilarating when you realize you have that power you have

661
00:36:28.320 --> 00:36:31.760
you are so much more powerful than you you even

662
00:36:31.960 --> 00:36:35.239
can imagine. And when you just start kind of unlocking

663
00:36:35.239 --> 00:36:36.880
a little bit of bravery, Like it's kind of like

664
00:36:36.920 --> 00:36:39.719
this fly. Well, you learn about this brave mindset and

665
00:36:39.719 --> 00:36:41.719
then you start learning about how to take brave action,

666
00:36:41.840 --> 00:36:44.000
and then we'll get to brave relationships. And when you do,

667
00:36:44.079 --> 00:36:48.199
it really becomes this upward spiral and it's it's exhilarating

668
00:36:48.400 --> 00:36:51.079
and people don't have to be stuck in this rut.

669
00:36:51.559 --> 00:36:54.559
Oh yeah, and let's talk about the let's talk about

670
00:36:54.599 --> 00:36:56.679
the third pillar, the brave relationships.

671
00:36:57.920 --> 00:37:08.039
Yeah, so brave relationships is about trying to curate the

672
00:37:08.159 --> 00:37:13.000
right brave tribe. I call it the brave tribe that

673
00:37:13.079 --> 00:37:20.320
will support your journey. So I say curate very very intentionally, like,

674
00:37:20.440 --> 00:37:23.519
if you want to accomplish this goal or grow in

675
00:37:23.559 --> 00:37:26.679
this way, who are the people that you want to

676
00:37:26.719 --> 00:37:30.119
surround yourself with that are going to support your journey,

677
00:37:30.159 --> 00:37:33.039
that can help you when you slip a step, that

678
00:37:33.079 --> 00:37:35.239
are going to that are going to be there to

679
00:37:35.280 --> 00:37:37.280
support you to make sure that you get up that

680
00:37:37.400 --> 00:37:41.639
ladder right. And the reason why it's so important to

681
00:37:41.639 --> 00:37:43.599
curate those people is sometimes they're not the people that

682
00:37:43.639 --> 00:37:46.440
we're around right now. So let's say you want to

683
00:37:46.599 --> 00:37:48.480
and we can use a simple example, right, you know,

684
00:37:48.559 --> 00:37:52.559
Let's say I want to I want to climb a mountain.

685
00:37:52.960 --> 00:37:55.880
What's the mountain that I want to climb? I might

686
00:37:55.920 --> 00:37:57.880
have people around me that would that I hang out

687
00:37:57.880 --> 00:37:59.559
with regularly, and they're like, why on earth would you

688
00:37:59.559 --> 00:38:02.559
want to climb That is the stupidest thing ever, that

689
00:38:02.599 --> 00:38:05.079
sounds dangerous. Shouldn't do that. So sometimes the people that

690
00:38:05.079 --> 00:38:08.920
you're around, what they're going to tell you is to

691
00:38:08.920 --> 00:38:13.679
probably stay small, and it's because they care about you

692
00:38:13.800 --> 00:38:16.159
and they don't want you to take risks. So curating

693
00:38:16.199 --> 00:38:19.400
a brave tribe would be finding who are other people

694
00:38:19.440 --> 00:38:22.880
that have climbed this mountain and let me go and

695
00:38:22.920 --> 00:38:25.880
meet them and let me ask them for advice. So

696
00:38:25.960 --> 00:38:28.280
being brave is and I'm being vulnerable and saying, hey,

697
00:38:28.360 --> 00:38:30.920
I don't know how to do this, even at work, right, Hey,

698
00:38:30.920 --> 00:38:33.239
I've never led a project like this before. You led

699
00:38:33.400 --> 00:38:36.719
a couple projects very similar to this sometime, can you

700
00:38:36.760 --> 00:38:39.159
share some of your wisdom advice? Can you show me

701
00:38:39.239 --> 00:38:42.079
how to do it right. So, so surrounding yourself with

702
00:38:42.119 --> 00:38:45.760
the people that have the wisdom or the knowledge that

703
00:38:45.800 --> 00:38:48.880
can support you on that journey. And if you're going

704
00:38:48.960 --> 00:38:50.960
up that ladder, there's times that you're going to slip,

705
00:38:51.199 --> 00:38:52.840
that you're going to be uncomfortable, you may be ready

706
00:38:52.880 --> 00:38:55.280
to quit. You need to have the people that you

707
00:38:55.320 --> 00:38:58.079
can call that are going to help you keep going,

708
00:38:58.199 --> 00:39:01.400
that are going to call forth your best right. So

709
00:39:02.280 --> 00:39:04.559
the reason why I use the word brave around that is,

710
00:39:04.639 --> 00:39:06.800
first of all, you got to get outside of your

711
00:39:06.800 --> 00:39:09.639
little bubble and maybe go and seek out other people

712
00:39:10.360 --> 00:39:14.079
and approach them and ask them for their help. That

713
00:39:14.119 --> 00:39:20.760
takes bravery, right. And then whenever you when you do

714
00:39:20.800 --> 00:39:23.920
stumble and fall, many people think, oh, to be brave,

715
00:39:23.960 --> 00:39:25.599
you just figure it out on your own, Like, you know,

716
00:39:25.800 --> 00:39:29.239
I don't need any help, I'm fine, right, Actually, the

717
00:39:29.239 --> 00:39:32.719
braver thing to do is to admit you don't know,

718
00:39:33.119 --> 00:39:38.599
admit mistakes, and ask for help. So that that takes vulnerability,

719
00:39:38.599 --> 00:39:44.000
the ultimate bravery. So within brave relationships, it's curating the

720
00:39:44.039 --> 00:39:47.719
brave tribe, going outside and developing new relationships with people

721
00:39:47.719 --> 00:39:50.400
that will support the journey. In addition to, like you know,

722
00:39:50.440 --> 00:39:54.039
the relationships that you have. And then it's asking for

723
00:39:54.079 --> 00:39:59.320
help and support, also asking for suggestions for improvement. So

724
00:39:59.440 --> 00:40:02.159
even if things are going well, like who's the person

725
00:40:02.159 --> 00:40:03.960
you could trust, I could say doctor Doug, Like you

726
00:40:04.000 --> 00:40:05.920
are an expert in this and things are going pretty well,

727
00:40:05.920 --> 00:40:07.599
but do you have any suggestions and things I can

728
00:40:07.639 --> 00:40:09.480
be doing differently or better so I can get to

729
00:40:09.519 --> 00:40:12.960
the top of the ladder, So seeking feedback. And then

730
00:40:13.000 --> 00:40:16.199
the last element of brave relationships is you've got to

731
00:40:16.199 --> 00:40:19.800
be looking for people to help you, but also who

732
00:40:19.840 --> 00:40:23.119
can you extend a hand down and help up? Because

733
00:40:24.079 --> 00:40:26.960
you know, when you actually help others, not only are

734
00:40:27.000 --> 00:40:30.280
you helping them, but you actually get a bigger dopamine

735
00:40:30.360 --> 00:40:33.559
hit and you get more pleasure more, you get a

736
00:40:33.599 --> 00:40:35.519
bigger boost to your well being when you help others

737
00:40:35.519 --> 00:40:37.920
than even getting help. So I make sure that I

738
00:40:37.960 --> 00:40:39.880
teach that because we always have to pay it forward.

739
00:40:40.000 --> 00:40:43.400
And many times when I have a huge audience, let's

740
00:40:43.480 --> 00:40:47.000
when I'm speaking in fronting in front of audiences you

741
00:40:47.039 --> 00:40:51.440
know across the country, even across the globe, one common

742
00:40:51.440 --> 00:40:54.599
thing I'll ask is I'll say, how many of you like?

743
00:40:55.559 --> 00:40:58.440
Admitting you might be stuck in asking for help. Raise

744
00:40:58.440 --> 00:41:02.679
your hand, hi, if you like doing that. Now very

745
00:41:02.679 --> 00:41:05.360
few hands go up because people don't feel comfortable doing that.

746
00:41:05.639 --> 00:41:07.480
And then I ask the next question, how many of

747
00:41:07.519 --> 00:41:12.519
you help or enjoy helping others that may be a

748
00:41:12.519 --> 00:41:15.039
little bit stuck to help them achieve their goals? How

749
00:41:15.079 --> 00:41:18.159
many do you like mentoring others? Everyone loves helping others,

750
00:41:18.599 --> 00:41:20.960
And I say, why is that? And so do you?

751
00:41:21.000 --> 00:41:21.199
Guys?

752
00:41:21.199 --> 00:41:23.719
See the difference here? So you're hesitating to ask for

753
00:41:23.760 --> 00:41:25.159
help because you don't think they want to help you

754
00:41:25.480 --> 00:41:27.960
and it's going to make you But you like helping others.

755
00:41:28.000 --> 00:41:30.760
So sometimes that's a good reminder to make people feel

756
00:41:30.920 --> 00:41:31.639
more comfortable.

757
00:41:31.679 --> 00:41:35.519
Actually well, in vulnerability, it's interesting, and I think fear

758
00:41:35.559 --> 00:41:39.000
of play such a role in that is that you know,

759
00:41:39.039 --> 00:41:42.840
we're afraid to be vulnerable, but as you say, it's

760
00:41:42.960 --> 00:41:46.239
only when we're vulnerable that we're able to really grow

761
00:41:46.440 --> 00:41:49.320
and get that help. And the other thing is, you know,

762
00:41:49.639 --> 00:41:52.239
it's so interesting to look at who you have surrounded

763
00:41:52.280 --> 00:41:55.320
yourself with and really look at their lives and what

764
00:41:55.360 --> 00:41:58.119
they're accomplishing and realizing that, hey, you know what if

765
00:41:58.119 --> 00:42:00.559
that's not where I want to be. As you say,

766
00:42:00.639 --> 00:42:04.159
I need to curate a new group of friends, a

767
00:42:04.199 --> 00:42:07.239
new group of associates, a new group of relationships.

768
00:42:07.800 --> 00:42:10.679
Yeah you you you are who you hang out with

769
00:42:11.000 --> 00:42:15.000
or you know, really thinking, who do you surround yourself with,

770
00:42:15.039 --> 00:42:18.199
Like I'm thinking of my stoic you know, philosophers that

771
00:42:18.239 --> 00:42:20.440
have influenced me in this and by the way, anything

772
00:42:20.480 --> 00:42:23.559
I'm teaching, or even anything that we have studied in

773
00:42:24.320 --> 00:42:28.159
more recent you know science, it all it's all ancient.

774
00:42:28.199 --> 00:42:30.719
It's all ancient wisdom. We're not doing anything new, We're

775
00:42:30.800 --> 00:42:33.159
just we're just talking about it in a different way.

776
00:42:33.280 --> 00:42:36.679
And you know, ancient wisdom is now proven with modern science.

777
00:42:36.679 --> 00:42:39.400
But it's all the same stuff. But yeah, you know,

778
00:42:39.880 --> 00:42:43.920
like so William James, you know, the really the gentleman

779
00:42:44.000 --> 00:42:46.599
that really started psychology. You know, he says, like, you

780
00:42:46.760 --> 00:42:50.400
are what you attend to, right, So you are what

781
00:42:50.440 --> 00:42:52.440
you attend to, what you think about what you do,

782
00:42:52.519 --> 00:42:56.760
so like make sure you think about that or you know, epictitis,

783
00:42:56.760 --> 00:43:01.199
my favorite stoic you know, says, you know, surround yourself

784
00:43:01.440 --> 00:43:06.000
with people that will call forth your best, that will

785
00:43:06.119 --> 00:43:08.960
challenge you to be your very best.

786
00:43:09.320 --> 00:43:13.199
That's pretty powerful, all right, Yeah, it is, so any

787
00:43:13.239 --> 00:43:17.559
stories any quick stories about how you've really helped someone

788
00:43:17.599 --> 00:43:21.760
embrace us bravery in their lives and transform them.

789
00:43:22.320 --> 00:43:25.960
Yeah. I can think of just someone that is a

790
00:43:26.000 --> 00:43:30.960
colleague in positive psychology and they studied positive psychology because

791
00:43:31.000 --> 00:43:37.800
they really wanted to understand it and had dreams of

792
00:43:37.840 --> 00:43:40.800
being able to apply it to help others lives, but

793
00:43:41.840 --> 00:43:45.599
they were in a job and in the job was security, right,

794
00:43:45.639 --> 00:43:49.599
And you know, by taking them through this, and even

795
00:43:49.639 --> 00:43:52.079
though they're a fellow person that studied positive psychology to

796
00:43:52.119 --> 00:43:54.039
really help them go through the steps, it gave them

797
00:43:54.119 --> 00:43:57.880
the confidence to start stepping toward what they really want

798
00:43:57.880 --> 00:43:59.840
to do. And I find that a lot in careers,

799
00:44:00.079 --> 00:44:03.039
Like I'm in a job and I really don't like it,

800
00:44:03.519 --> 00:44:06.639
but I just get paid and I'm just kind of

801
00:44:06.639 --> 00:44:09.800
in this rut, you know. So in the case that

802
00:44:09.840 --> 00:44:12.639
I'm talking about, you know, this person started taking steps

803
00:44:12.679 --> 00:44:15.719
and then ended up making a transition, and now this

804
00:44:15.760 --> 00:44:19.119
person is doing the work that they feel called to do,

805
00:44:20.119 --> 00:44:23.199
and they're just like, if I wouldn't have taken this risk,

806
00:44:23.639 --> 00:44:25.480
if I wouldn't have taken this risk and moved in

807
00:44:25.519 --> 00:44:29.199
that direction, I just I don't know where I would be.

808
00:44:29.280 --> 00:44:31.239
So that's kind of the one thing I want to

809
00:44:31.400 --> 00:44:34.880
make sure that your your audience, you know, keeps in

810
00:44:34.920 --> 00:44:38.119
mind is what is it that you really want? What's

811
00:44:38.159 --> 00:44:40.079
the impact that you want to make in the world,

812
00:44:40.280 --> 00:44:42.800
you know, and what are you doing now? And is

813
00:44:42.800 --> 00:44:46.119
there a gap between where you are now and what

814
00:44:46.199 --> 00:44:48.639
you really want to do and what is holding you back?

815
00:44:48.719 --> 00:44:51.400
And if fear's one of those things, I just have

816
00:44:51.480 --> 00:44:54.119
good news for anyone. Anyone can be brave. It's not

817
00:44:54.199 --> 00:44:56.719
a trait that you're born with. It's not a trait

818
00:44:56.719 --> 00:45:00.199
that you're born with. Anyone can build the capacity to

819
00:45:00.239 --> 00:45:02.840
be brave, to take those courageous, courageous acts and it

820
00:45:02.960 --> 00:45:05.119
just and it's doing the work, you know, day in

821
00:45:05.119 --> 00:45:08.400
and day out. So that's that's the good news.

822
00:45:08.800 --> 00:45:13.960
And then there's your message. Ask for it. So as

823
00:45:14.000 --> 00:45:19.039
we close, how how do people find you and how

824
00:45:19.199 --> 00:45:23.440
what is your desire in accomplishing and helping people that

825
00:45:23.559 --> 00:45:25.159
may get in contact with you.

826
00:45:26.719 --> 00:45:28.800
Well, the easiest way is people can just go to

827
00:45:28.840 --> 00:45:33.639
my website, which is Jill Shulman dot com. So first

828
00:45:33.679 --> 00:45:35.119
name is pretty easy to spell.

829
00:45:34.960 --> 00:45:35.519
J I l L.

830
00:45:35.760 --> 00:45:38.679
Last name is s C h U L M A

831
00:45:38.800 --> 00:45:41.440
N dot com. And if you go to my website.

832
00:45:41.599 --> 00:45:44.320
You can sign up for my newsletter. You can also

833
00:45:44.360 --> 00:45:49.559
take a Bravery self assessment. It's gonna really measure how

834
00:45:50.400 --> 00:45:53.400
strong is your bravery in this three dimensions and then

835
00:45:53.440 --> 00:45:55.480
it will give you some practical tips and what you

836
00:45:55.519 --> 00:45:58.199
can do with it. So I give that away for

837
00:45:58.320 --> 00:46:00.800
free so that everyone can kind of get that a

838
00:46:00.880 --> 00:46:03.320
idea of where they are and build it. And then

839
00:46:03.360 --> 00:46:06.119
I'm all over social media, so I've got YouTube channel

840
00:46:06.159 --> 00:46:12.679
and Instagram and TikTok and you know Facebook. So I

841
00:46:12.719 --> 00:46:14.760
would just encourage your people to follow me because I'm

842
00:46:14.760 --> 00:46:17.239
going to be always giving you little tips and little

843
00:46:17.239 --> 00:46:21.559
reminders that will will hopefully help propel you forward to

844
00:46:21.599 --> 00:46:24.480
take brave action or to be brave in your life.

845
00:46:24.880 --> 00:46:28.440
Love it and I love it. Hey, thank you so much, Jill.

846
00:46:28.480 --> 00:46:31.079
That's it has been fantastic, And I think the most

847
00:46:31.079 --> 00:46:34.320
fantastic things. The very last thing you said is they're

848
00:46:34.400 --> 00:46:37.119
there to help people. You're there to make a difference

849
00:46:37.239 --> 00:46:39.440
with people. And I'm not hearing you talk about it.

850
00:46:39.519 --> 00:46:42.159
They can sign up for this procedure or that and

851
00:46:42.199 --> 00:46:44.599
so forth. You're just there to help.

852
00:46:44.719 --> 00:46:47.679
And that is that really is my mission is to

853
00:46:48.960 --> 00:46:52.920
is I want people to realize that they have the

854
00:46:53.000 --> 00:46:55.719
ability to be brave. They have an ability to take

855
00:46:55.840 --> 00:46:59.039
control of their life, and it's scary, but when they

856
00:46:59.280 --> 00:47:03.440
take stuff for that way, it absolutely is a game

857
00:47:03.519 --> 00:47:07.000
changer in terms of their level of success. But what's

858
00:47:07.079 --> 00:47:09.440
most important is their happiness and well being. At the

859
00:47:09.599 --> 00:47:11.920
end of life, we look back and I want to

860
00:47:11.920 --> 00:47:15.599
help people avoid the pain of regret. I always wanted to,

861
00:47:16.000 --> 00:47:20.079
but I never did, right, So that's my motivation.

862
00:47:21.000 --> 00:47:23.519
Right Well, thanks so much, and folks, thanks for listening.

863
00:47:24.159 --> 00:47:26.480
I guarantee you, I know you enjoyed this one. I

864
00:47:26.519 --> 00:47:28.800
hope you'll join us again soon. This is doctor Doug

865
00:47:29.440 --> 00:47:40.039
saying no mistay