July 7, 2025

6 Steps to Fewer Days That Suck: Finding Positivity & Purpose

6 Steps to Fewer Days That Suck: Finding Positivity & Purpose
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Deborah shares her journey from overachievement and burnout to living a more meaningful, positive life. Learn about her 6-step framework to break negative cycles, overcome circular thinking, and cultivate daily happiness. Transform fear, anger, and stress into confidence, resilience, and joy with practical strategies that truly make a difference.

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This program is designed to provide general information with regards

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to the subject matters covered. This information is given with

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the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station

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are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,

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legal counseling, professional service, or any advice. You should seek

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the services of competent professionals before applying or trying any

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suggested ideas.

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At the end of the day, it's not about what

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you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what

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you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up,

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who you've made better. It's about what you've given back.

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Denzel Washington, Welcome to Inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is

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to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you

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to do the same.

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Ebrah, Welcome to the show.

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Thank you, doctor Doug. It's a pleasure to be here

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inspire your audience alongside you.

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I'm looking forward to so let the audience know. Where

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do you live.

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I live in Manhattan, New York, in the middle of

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the hustle and bustle, and I was born and bred here.

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Okay, good for you, good for you. I lived I

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grew up in Chicago and it was like, you know,

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I was ready to get out of there after a

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number number of years. So look good for you. So

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here's what I love for you to do. You know,

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I find that there's always a journey that people have

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taken to reach the point that they're at, and I'd

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love for you to share your journey and what brought

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you to this point where you've written your book and

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where you're doing.

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What you're doing absolutely well. As I mentioned, I grew

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up in Manhattan, New York, and my parents were creatives.

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They were both fashion designers, so I did grow up

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with a lot of creativity. But at about ten years old,

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I started to become an overachiever and that has lasted

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and I'm working. I've worked on it, and that was

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the reason for my book, because that overachiever, pushing ourselves

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to exhaustion and then allowing the negativity to cloud our

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minds can really do a number on how you feel

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and enjoying life, making life meaningful and having fun. It's

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not all about work. Works important, Yes, I mean it

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fees our soul to a degree, but we get to

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the end and what did we achieve? So I really

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on a New York City subway platform. The tears came

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down my eyes and I said down my cheeks, and

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I said to myself, I have to change, something has

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to change. This is not what life is about. This

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is not meaningful living, and I'm just being a robot

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going with the flow. I was working at an iconic brand,

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a big pharmaceutical company, and I was number one. I

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made myself get to number one before that when I

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was in design years before that, I had to be

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the best. Also, it's always been a cycle. So I

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really worked to stop the negativity, to have more positivity

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in my life, to be able to enjoy. And I

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did a lot of research and I started to write

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which was called The Daily Decisions, which is my website,

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my brand. But I started to write what is now

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six Steps to Fewer Days. That sucked. It was really

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only for me. Is my guidebook to help me find

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a happier life. Can be happy every second, and I

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want to be clear about that. But we can be

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happier and we can enjoy our lives, and we can

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get rid of the negativity and the circular thinking and

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the fear and all the stuff that bombards us it's

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part of life. So I started to write that and

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it changed my life. And I don't worry anymore, and

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I'm basically always positive and I let things slip off

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and slide down my back. So slide off my back,

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I should say, because it's truly we are truly capable

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of doing that, but we have to make the decision,

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the commitment to actually go ahead and do it. And

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so that's it in a nutshell. And I just want

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to let people know that they can change the trajectory

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of their lives. Even if they believe they can't, they can.

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Okay, So you've talked about a lot of things real quick,

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So let's first of all talk about your book Six Steps.

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I'm going to say this slowly because you said it fast,

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Six steps to fewer days. That suck, all right, So okay,

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and you talk about that, You talk about the fact

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that you know, yeah, we go through, You talk about

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circular thinking, you talk about negativity. So I want to

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get into each of these areas a little bit. Okay, Okay,

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you know, one of the things that struck me is

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I was, you know, looking at what some things we

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might chat about, was this concept of negativity and It's interesting.

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I have a colleague, an acquaintance I interviewed on my

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show years ago when I was doing business tips and trends,

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and we're friends on Facebook, and all of a sudden

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with and I don't want to get political here, but

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all of a sudden, with the politics that have occurred,

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with the voting and the changing that's going on, all

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of a sudden, I'm seeing post after post of negativity,

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and quite frankly, one of them, you know, was it

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was just like, okay, so what I did, which is,

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you know, I don't know, that's just me. I thought,

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you know what, I'm going to write just the opposite

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of this, So you know, I'm not a great writer.

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But I went on to chat GPT and I said, okay,

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here's the article. I want you to write the positive

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of this rather than the negative. And so that happened,

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and I went in and edited, added a few more things,

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put it back on the website in Facebook actually, and

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oh my goodness, I got nailed so many times by

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people that we're following and so forth, and I thought

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to myself, why is it? And now I just continually

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see the negativity, the negativity, the negativity. Why is it

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that people get stuck in negativity? Based on your experience?

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What is it?

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Honestly, because it goes back to early humans or we

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could say the caveman. How our brains tend to focus

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on remember negative information, negative events over positive. It's called

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negativity bias. And I know you know about it, and honestly,

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that is the reason. But if we want to, we

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can reframe our thoughts, reshape our perspective, because it's all

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how we want to look at things. You want to

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look at things as being horrible and disgusting and what

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because I you know, I hear their political stuff too,

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and we really can go down that rabbit hole. And

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then what happens is because our brains seek patterns, we

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create these negative patterns which continue with us as opposed

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to focusing on, like you did and I would do,

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is the positive side of all those things, And that

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is what happens. It's just mind buggling to me that

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people would want to live in such negativity because they're

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not happy.

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As you say, it is kind of an inclination. I

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hadn't thought of that, but you know, we think more

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of negative rather, it's easier to think of negative than positive,

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but in your experience, when someone is stuck in negativity,

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what does that do to their help?

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So interesting because actually I just wrote an article that's

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going to be in Eyepain online magazine, and it's all

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about how negativity can get you sick because these negative

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emotions are actually linked to certain diseases like gastro and

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geological problems, degenerative brain problems, cardiovascular issues. It really is.

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It can actually because it raises the cortisol. These negative emotions,

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especially when it's severe like what your experience online, it

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can actually have such a damaging effect that it's even

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linked possibly with Alzheimer's and affecting the mental the cognitive decline.

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It can affect our health being able to actually heal

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ourselves from any disease or something might or problem might

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take longer or be difficult to do because we've the

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court is all swimming around and it just doesn't help us.

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And it's scary. That was one of my wake up

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calls doctor Doug, because I said, you know what, I

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could kill myself if I want to, not literally kill myself,

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but through all of this, because the negativity really can

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make us sick, and people don't realize, I think what's

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happening to them. You know, we can do these things

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to ourselves, just like anything anything negative, we do it

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to ourselves. It's just so interesting how that happens. And

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those people like you and I, we want to stop that.

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We want to live a happier life, so we seek

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out those positive patterns to be able to counter the negativity.

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And so that's such a shame. And I wish that

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people would have a wake up call. And you would

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also comment on when you talk about regarding negativity and

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how it can literally make us sick.

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Yeah, well, and you know when we talk about that,

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excuse me, how do you help people or how do

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we help people? Or how does anyone if someone, for instance,

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you know someone that's listening to the show right now,

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and they have friends or they have family members that

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are just constantly negative and ideally the people that are

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listening tend to be more positive and want to think

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that way, how do they help someone or how does

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the individual that is always thinking negative make a change

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to start being more positive in what they're doing and

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what they're thinking.

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And the truth of the matter is, unless somebody wants

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to change as much as you could talk till you're

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blue in the face if they don't want to change.

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We can't control what other people do. We can control

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our thoughts, emotions, actions, reactions, but controlling other people, or

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not controlling, but trying to help other people becomes difficult

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unless they want to help themselves. Yes, you could talk

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about this the way we you and I are talking

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about it and hope hopefully something will spark and they

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will maybe come to a conclusion themselves. But that's what

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I find and listen with people I coach and all

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unless somebody wants to change. And that's why I work.

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When I work with people, I actually am like an

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accountability partner, a mentor somebody that's there to actually be

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a mirror more than anything else, because sometimes when we're

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so close to ourselves, we don't see what's actually happening,

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what we're doing to ourselves, and it is helpful to

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actually seek out somebody, whether it's a therapist or just

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somebody like me or you as a doctor and with

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all your certificates and degrees and everything, to be able

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to lay it out in a rational way and then

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walk them through it and hold their hand almost be

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a cheerleader. Because then making those positive patterns when you

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start to feel good, when you feel better, then the

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cycle starts that you can actually make that change because

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when you feel good, you do better and you recognize it.

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But till then, I.

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Don't know well, and you know when you think about that.

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And one of the things that I recognize years ago

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was and was taught in one of my studies, was

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that you know, and there's some quotes out there that

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talk about, you know, you are the equal of the

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six people or the five people that you surround yourself with. Yes,

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but when someone actually gets to that point where they go,

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you know what, I want to change this negativity? What

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do they need to look at about who they're surrounding

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themselves with?

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And that's very true too. I always talk about one

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of the things that is so important is to surround

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yourself with a supportive community, a positive force in your

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life where it's a give and take and each of

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you lifts each other up. It's a positive positive as

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opposed to negative where you have the jealousy and you

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have all those other negative emotions that arise, and it's

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it is so important to get rid of the toxic

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people in your lives, and it's not mean or nasty

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to do that. It's actually going to help you because unfortunately,

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what happens when you surround yourself with negativity or people

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that are negative, it tends to compound. If you're feeling

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that way and then they're feeling that way, and then

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there's no way out. You go down that rabbit hole.

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Hold together, and.

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It goes on and on and on and on.

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You're right.

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So one of the other words you use initially is

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you were introducing and kind of telling your journey is

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circular thinking. And that was another thing that you know,

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I've not heard of that terminology put that way before.

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I'd love for you to kind of share what what

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does that mean circular thinking and how does that affect

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people to have days that suck?

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Really well, let me start with this this once its statistic,

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and then we'll go into circular thinking. You know, I

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read a study that ninety one percent of what we

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worry about and you probably see it too. You know

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it's all online is never happens. So that means nine

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percent of what we worry about happens. So the circular

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thinking is we get caught in a loop and whatever

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our thought is it doesn't leave. I'm talking about negative

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thoughts or fear, worry, just stress and anxiety and just

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letting it circle in your brain and never stop. And

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that just weaks havoc. And it's changing the narrative, right,

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reshaping our thoughts to enhance our story, not make it worse.

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And honestly, if you don't get out of that, life

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will never be happier. And like I said, I don't

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want to say that it's going to be happy every day.

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We have stuff in our lives. Life is messy and

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people die and things happen, Terrible things happen, wonderful things happen.

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But it's being able to learn to be resilient. I

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think two of the most important things we can do

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for ourselves is to build our confidence and our resilience

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because then we feel better about ourselves and we're able

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to get through more easily. I don't say it's easy,

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but get through the tougher times. So being able to

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do that and not circular think and get yourself out

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of that frame of mind and develop a more positive outlook.

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And some people say, oh, you can't do that, but

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honestly you can. And people I work with and myself.

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I improve, and I'm sure you are too that if

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you want to lean more positive, you absolutely can. And

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I don't worry what other people think anymore. I don't

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worry about judgment. I don't worry about failure. I rename

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the word failure. I call it education and growth, because

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how else do you learn? How else do you get better?

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It's the same with positivity and confidence. How else do

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you improve your life unless you try different things and

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see what the results are and work towards improving our life.

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Life is so short, and as I say, short to

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be grumpy.

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It's so fascinating social media. I have found, for instance,

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that you know, a couple of things came up. I thought, okay,

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I'm curious, I'll look it, you know, look at this,

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And all of a sudden I keep getting posts, all

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these negative posts, negative posts, negative posts, and I finally

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have had to just start deleting them and saying I

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don't want these anymore. But the reality is is that

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we tend ai, you know, and everything that goes on

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in social media tends to reinforce that which we watch

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and look at. And so if we're if we find

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ourselves in that negative mindset, and we're constantly looking at

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that stuff, it will continue and reinforce and reinforce, and

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so in order to get out of that circular thinking

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that that's not easy, and I think that goes to

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this whole concept of mindset. But before we go there,

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I want to go to your book. All right, you

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talk about six steps, and we may have been already

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talking about some of those, but I'd love for you

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to go through, step by step. What are the steps

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you talk about in your book to have fewer days

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that suck?

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And as you know, my book is not a chapter book,

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so it's not talking at you. It's not graphs and charts.

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It's actually one big warm hug. That's a pep talk.

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To break it down simply, I have double pages on

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various topics within the steps, like walk away from negativity

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or no more Excuses or happiness is a choice of

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many about procrastination, many different things that everybody struggles with.

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You know, we all face rejection. It's true. I google that,

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it's really true. Anyhow, I start with the decision, and

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that's why my brand is the Daily Decisions, because it's

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our choice how we want to live our lives. I mean,

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can we make everything the way we want it? Know,

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but we can shape it. And that's the nice thing.

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We can shape our future by choices that we make,

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by decisions that we make. So I go through that

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in the double pages, and at the end of each

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double page, I mean at the end of each of

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the eight double pages in a step, I have a summary,

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I have the tips, and then I have a line page.

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Because in each of the of the double pages there's questions.

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Because I did this for myself, I ask questions. First,

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I make a commitment, then I ask questions. There's solutions

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and ways to look at things, an activity, a mantra

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you can say, and visuals and I also have a

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picture of this or did you know about different people

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that have accomplished whatever that topic on the double page is,

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and then three tips to finish it off. So the

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first is the decision and then comes ditch bad habits. Okay?

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Is that easy?

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No?

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But consciously doing small steps every day and creating those

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positive patterns that sick stick because our brains seek patterns

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really makes a difference. And learning how to just block

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out the noise, like you were saying on social media,

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there's so much negative noise or just things that we

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that are not going to enhance our lives. And I

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look for things in my life that are going to

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enhance my life, that's going to make it better, that's

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going to make it more enjoyable, because why would I

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be miserable? Why would anybody want to be miserable? I

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don't know so, but I understand because I was there,

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so I do understand what happens. So after ditchband habits

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comes the mindset. Like you said, it's the mindset. You

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have to make the decision to change your mindset, how

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you think your perspective in that. And then after that

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comes the action taking action. You know, how we react

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to things. We can react positively or negatively. I share

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a little story about how I almost lost a job

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because I got so angry, and I've learned not to

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lash out anymore and to control it and to center

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and to breathe and to do various things. And then

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after that is the attitude, because that's different than mindset.

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You know.

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It's like somebody said to me when in one of

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my travels, that the secret to life is a positive attitude.

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And I really believe that, I really do because I

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know how much better I feel when I feel positive

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than when I feel negative. So I do believe that.

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And then the last step is the commitment. You start

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with the decision. And then even though I have the

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commitment all through it, at the beginning of each of

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the double pages, still we have to make a final commitment,

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commitment to ourselves that we are going to work towards

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making our lives more enjoyable, to enjoy more and worry

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less and make life easier, because honestly, why not.

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And it fascinates me how people get stuck You mentioned anger.

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People get stuck in anger, see, people get stuck in fear.

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I look at you know a couple of the different

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models of emotional levels, uh, and and there are a

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couple of them out there that I enjoy. But you

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know how people can tend to be below zero where

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you have the frustration, you have, the anger, you have,

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the fear, you have, all of those, even all the

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way down to victim and and and here people tend

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to get stuck in that and when they when they

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have something happen, uh and the event that happens. And

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quite frankly, and I love the saying that I've heard before,

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and I believe it's to be true. The event does

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not have any emotion attached to it. We attach an emotion,

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and so when we have an event occur, and ideally

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it's we've you know, a positive emotion. But when something

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happens and we find yourselves getting angry, fearful, whatever, that

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happens to be, the question is how do we number one,

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recognize that, be aware that that's what's going on, and

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how do we change that? And I think that's where

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we get into this whole concept of mindset, the fact

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that we've got to be able and I've had a

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couple of people say this, and I love the analogy.

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We've got to be able to step outside of ourselves

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for a minute, kind of be that third party that's

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just walking alongside by side in a different dimension, so

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to speak. But as we observe those emotions come up,

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being able to talk to ourselves and say, okay, anger, fear, frustration,

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that is not healthy and that is certainly not applying

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to your joy and happiness and all of that. So

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how on earth and why is that coming up? And

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I think where the mindset comes in is you start

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to really be curious enough that you look at that

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and try to figure out why does that happening. Oftentimes, yes,

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it has to do with imprints from childhood, maybe even

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DNA that we don't really understand so much, but being

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a memory from pastor yeah, from ancestors, whatever that happens

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to be, and being able to develop a mindset that says,

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you know what, each time I see that emotion come up,

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I don't have to experience it anymore. I might experience it,

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but I don't have to express it. And the minute

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we start moving in that direction, as you have talked

399
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about a little bit about the neural pathways, all of

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00:24:27.799 --> 00:24:31.200
a sudden we start to change the neurological pathways in

401
00:24:31.240 --> 00:24:34.960
our brains and we start to experience that change. And

402
00:24:35.000 --> 00:24:38.160
you're right, it does not happen overnight, but ultimately, if

403
00:24:38.160 --> 00:24:40.640
someone's really focused on that, they can change.

404
00:24:41.000 --> 00:24:47.079
Yeah, and it can happen relatively quickly, honestly, because what

405
00:24:47.160 --> 00:24:51.880
I've noticed is we feel so much better, and then

406
00:24:52.000 --> 00:24:56.559
being able to recreate how much better we feel, we

407
00:24:56.759 --> 00:25:04.119
tend to then go towards the more positive patterns, because honestly,

408
00:25:04.279 --> 00:25:07.079
I don't think anyone really wants to be that unhappy.

409
00:25:07.440 --> 00:25:10.359
I mean, everybody talks about happiness. Happiness is a choice

410
00:25:10.359 --> 00:25:13.319
in all of that, and I really believe it. I

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00:25:13.440 --> 00:25:17.599
believe that we can make that change if we want to,

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and I just hope that more people do, because my

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heart goes out to people because what happens is we're

414
00:25:25.799 --> 00:25:31.279
stuck in negative emotions. And when you're feeling stuck and

415
00:25:31.359 --> 00:25:34.559
you feel like you're going in circles and nothing's changing,

416
00:25:35.160 --> 00:25:39.160
it just becomes harder to make that change because you're

417
00:25:39.240 --> 00:25:41.680
stuck in a loop. And you got to what you said,

418
00:25:41.720 --> 00:25:44.559
you have to exit that loop and how you do it,

419
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And I believe what you said walking side by side

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00:25:47.880 --> 00:25:53.640
with with yourself. I think it's all about reflecting and

421
00:25:53.680 --> 00:25:58.160
then realizing how you're going to react, and not to

422
00:25:59.000 --> 00:26:04.000
react in an adverse way because it's not going to help.

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00:26:04.039 --> 00:26:07.640
And then what happens again that becomes circular too. You

424
00:26:07.799 --> 00:26:10.799
feel horrible. Many of us, I don't want to say everybody,

425
00:26:10.799 --> 00:26:13.200
but many of us then feel we need to apologize,

426
00:26:13.319 --> 00:26:15.920
and it becomes and then people don't believe us anymore

427
00:26:16.200 --> 00:26:20.720
because it's hollow. Apologies are hollow after you do it

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00:26:20.799 --> 00:26:23.359
over and over again and you hurt those people you

429
00:26:23.480 --> 00:26:27.960
love and it just makes us feel worse. And then

430
00:26:28.000 --> 00:26:31.279
it continues and it continues, and I think what happens

431
00:26:31.359 --> 00:26:35.440
is when children grow up with that, it just becomes

432
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a pattern for them too. That's what they're used to.

433
00:26:38.000 --> 00:26:42.440
You don't know anything else. So being conscious of how

434
00:26:42.440 --> 00:26:47.480
you're parenting too is a really important thing to think about.

435
00:26:47.519 --> 00:26:50.359
And one of the reasons that people should really change

436
00:26:50.400 --> 00:26:53.720
because you love your children so much that why would

437
00:26:53.720 --> 00:26:58.000
you want to put that negativity and all of that

438
00:26:58.279 --> 00:27:02.880
angst on them rather than working to make them confident,

439
00:27:03.480 --> 00:27:07.359
to make them resilient, to make them look forward. And

440
00:27:07.400 --> 00:27:09.839
that's one of the things I'm working towards is actually

441
00:27:09.880 --> 00:27:13.400
I'm developing a curriculum because what my overarching goal to

442
00:27:13.440 --> 00:27:16.599
pay it forward more than anything else, is to help

443
00:27:16.960 --> 00:27:20.200
children and teens develop confidence and resilience because then I

444
00:27:20.279 --> 00:27:25.079
believe that they will be kinder adults. And when people

445
00:27:25.559 --> 00:27:29.319
are negative, they don't love themselves, they don't like themselves,

446
00:27:29.319 --> 00:27:32.799
they're not being kind to themselves. How can they be

447
00:27:32.920 --> 00:27:35.359
kind to someone else? And that's what I talk about too,

448
00:27:35.440 --> 00:27:36.960
and we can talk about it if you like. Is

449
00:27:37.000 --> 00:27:40.440
self care and self care isn't just taking a bubble with.

450
00:27:40.799 --> 00:27:43.960
It's more about how we treat ourselves. I like to say,

451
00:27:44.240 --> 00:27:48.759
personally consider it to ourselves, not rude to ourselves.

452
00:27:49.240 --> 00:27:51.880
Well, and you know you talk about you talk about

453
00:27:51.920 --> 00:27:54.599
some specific steps and one that I enjoyed that I

454
00:27:54.640 --> 00:27:58.000
was reading that you talk about is controlling your anger

455
00:27:58.440 --> 00:28:01.279
and actual steps. And I don't know how to do this,

456
00:28:01.400 --> 00:28:03.559
but it sounds like interesting. I want you to explain.

457
00:28:03.920 --> 00:28:05.960
You know, you turn scream into smiles.

458
00:28:06.400 --> 00:28:06.519
Uh.

459
00:28:06.880 --> 00:28:09.480
You know, you you find these emotions and as these

460
00:28:09.519 --> 00:28:12.920
emotions come up, you just turn them around one hundred

461
00:28:12.960 --> 00:28:17.759
and eighty degrees, so anger into kindness, uh, you know,

462
00:28:17.920 --> 00:28:22.720
frustration into experience, all of those types of things. How

463
00:28:22.960 --> 00:28:24.839
what are some of the things that people can do

464
00:28:24.920 --> 00:28:27.160
that you as you're working with people as a coach,

465
00:28:27.680 --> 00:28:30.480
what what do you suggest that they do from an

466
00:28:30.559 --> 00:28:34.279
actual activity, for instance, how do they turn a scream

467
00:28:34.279 --> 00:28:35.079
into a smile?

468
00:28:35.519 --> 00:28:39.640
And that's that's really interesting, but it starts with, honestly,

469
00:28:39.680 --> 00:28:42.599
what we said, This doesn't happen overnight. And I want

470
00:28:42.599 --> 00:28:45.599
to just backtrack because you're not going to wake up

471
00:28:45.640 --> 00:28:47.519
more morning and say, Okay, I'm going to turn my

472
00:28:47.559 --> 00:28:50.119
scream into a smile or I mean we're turn my

473
00:28:50.200 --> 00:28:56.920
frustration into just being more calm. The thing is, we

474
00:28:57.079 --> 00:28:59.880
have to give ourselves permission, and that's where the self

475
00:29:00.160 --> 00:29:03.559
care comes in. We have to give ourselves permission to

476
00:29:03.640 --> 00:29:08.519
be kind to ourselves. That's the first thing. When we're

477
00:29:08.599 --> 00:29:12.640
kind to ourselves, we take a step back before reacting,

478
00:29:13.119 --> 00:29:15.839
whether you want to count to ten, whether you want

479
00:29:15.839 --> 00:29:19.000
a deep breathe, because that really does help to center

480
00:29:19.079 --> 00:29:23.880
you to not react right away, to reflect and take

481
00:29:23.920 --> 00:29:30.119
a step back. Because what happens is with anger, frustration, anxiety,

482
00:29:30.240 --> 00:29:34.920
we tend to just react, fly off the handle that way.

483
00:29:35.440 --> 00:29:38.759
And what it is is we need to really stop

484
00:29:38.799 --> 00:29:43.279
ourselves from doing that. Once we do, and we create

485
00:29:43.359 --> 00:29:47.279
those patterns where we don't let it infiltrate how we

486
00:29:47.359 --> 00:29:51.519
feel or let it into our brains. We just stop it.

487
00:29:51.640 --> 00:29:54.599
We distract. One way I like to do it is

488
00:29:54.880 --> 00:29:57.720
I really like to distract when a negative thought or

489
00:29:57.720 --> 00:30:02.720
an anger or whatever happens, I like to do something else.

490
00:30:03.319 --> 00:30:05.680
And I know when you're in the moment, you're not

491
00:30:05.759 --> 00:30:10.440
necessarily going to do that, but over time, practicing stepping

492
00:30:10.480 --> 00:30:15.359
away from the anger. Sometimes that's difficult to do, but

493
00:30:15.799 --> 00:30:18.279
we find ways that we can and that's the way

494
00:30:18.319 --> 00:30:22.880
we can help ourselves to turn the screams into smiles,

495
00:30:23.119 --> 00:30:28.480
to turn more frustration into calm, to calm our stressors,

496
00:30:29.039 --> 00:30:34.559
to be able to just relax ourselves as opposed to

497
00:30:34.960 --> 00:30:39.319
heightening the anger, the frustration, the stress, the anxiety, because

498
00:30:39.319 --> 00:30:41.880
that's what we do. Once you start in the circle again,

499
00:30:41.920 --> 00:30:46.480
it's circular. Everything circular. It just continues as opposed to

500
00:30:46.519 --> 00:30:50.759
stepping back, reflecting and not going there. And it's not easy,

501
00:30:50.799 --> 00:30:54.400
but it's definitely doable. It definitely is. If you want

502
00:30:54.440 --> 00:30:55.559
to do it, you can.

503
00:30:56.079 --> 00:30:59.519
Well, you know what I find interesting. Obviously, I'm here

504
00:30:59.519 --> 00:31:03.680
in Thailand, and I found it very fascinating to study

505
00:31:03.720 --> 00:31:07.519
Buddhism because that is ninety five to ninety eight percent

506
00:31:08.000 --> 00:31:13.240
of what people is their cultural background. Also starting to

507
00:31:13.279 --> 00:31:17.400
look at Hinduism and particularly the Vedic yoga, which is

508
00:31:17.440 --> 00:31:20.319
more of a philosophy than just the physical stuff, and

509
00:31:21.279 --> 00:31:24.480
I'm seeing the pattern there of these philosophies and I

510
00:31:24.519 --> 00:31:28.640
don't call them religions, I call them philosophies. That really

511
00:31:28.680 --> 00:31:32.440
the whole point is to get to the point where

512
00:31:32.519 --> 00:31:36.880
you are doing exactly what you're talking about. You're getting

513
00:31:36.880 --> 00:31:39.519
to the point where you're freeing yourself from that suffering,

514
00:31:39.559 --> 00:31:42.599
from that frustration, from all those type of things. You're

515
00:31:42.720 --> 00:31:47.079
actually finding yourself kinder. You're understanding that you within yourself

516
00:31:47.119 --> 00:31:51.799
has have that magnificent light, that divinity within yourself, and

517
00:31:52.920 --> 00:31:56.200
the whole goal of life in some cases is to

518
00:31:56.240 --> 00:32:00.279
take away and peel away those onion layers that just

519
00:32:00.759 --> 00:32:05.279
mortality gives to us and start to discover and become

520
00:32:05.920 --> 00:32:10.039
that inner light that exists within each one of us.

521
00:32:10.400 --> 00:32:12.920
What have you found? Of course, then they get into

522
00:32:13.000 --> 00:32:15.960
meditation and all of these types of things. Yes, have

523
00:32:16.079 --> 00:32:19.200
you found that as you're working with people that there

524
00:32:19.359 --> 00:32:24.279
is a philosophy that you like to talk about And

525
00:32:24.319 --> 00:32:27.240
you may not identify it per se, but you find

526
00:32:27.279 --> 00:32:31.079
that there's actually a philosophy that if they will follow

527
00:32:31.200 --> 00:32:35.720
and learn and understand and become that they start to

528
00:32:35.799 --> 00:32:40.000
find that they have better days, better days, better days.

529
00:32:40.279 --> 00:32:43.440
And I don't necessarily call it a philosophy, but I

530
00:32:43.640 --> 00:32:49.359
do enjoy the study and Buddhism and that kind of

531
00:32:49.640 --> 00:32:52.640
because it is all about the calm and being kind

532
00:32:52.799 --> 00:32:56.359
and that inner peace and intercom and it's just so

533
00:32:56.680 --> 00:33:02.279
important to do that. And what what it is I

534
00:33:02.319 --> 00:33:05.680
always talk about? I don't call it necessarily a philosophy,

535
00:33:05.720 --> 00:33:10.079
but maybe I will. Is just more about why wouldn't

536
00:33:10.119 --> 00:33:13.880
you want to enjoy your life? And write down why

537
00:33:14.279 --> 00:33:18.559
you wouldn't, And there's really nobody can really write down

538
00:33:18.599 --> 00:33:21.000
a lot of things why they wouldn't. So once you

539
00:33:21.119 --> 00:33:24.000
do that, then what are the things you need to

540
00:33:24.079 --> 00:33:27.440
do to change that? And we work through that because

541
00:33:27.440 --> 00:33:32.839
that's ultimately my goal is to for myself, for everybody,

542
00:33:33.359 --> 00:33:36.680
is to just enjoy life more, not to be hard

543
00:33:36.680 --> 00:33:41.519
on yourself, to be self kind and just find ways

544
00:33:41.559 --> 00:33:44.880
to enjoy. Yes, we're going to have suffering, as you said,

545
00:33:44.960 --> 00:33:48.640
and yes things will happen that could even be horrific,

546
00:33:49.039 --> 00:33:51.599
but we could either stay stuck in it. And I'm

547
00:33:51.599 --> 00:33:54.599
not being insensitive. I'm just saying we can stay stuck

548
00:33:54.640 --> 00:33:58.240
in it, or we can work through it and come

549
00:33:58.759 --> 00:34:02.279
out into the light, as you said, And that's exactly

550
00:34:02.920 --> 00:34:07.279
what I share, because it's all about why wouldn't you

551
00:34:07.440 --> 00:34:11.039
want to be happier? And like I said, happy, I

552
00:34:11.119 --> 00:34:13.840
try not to do that. I just just happy er

553
00:34:14.280 --> 00:34:16.760
because if you're all the way down there, like you said,

554
00:34:16.880 --> 00:34:20.920
zero below zero, whatever, why wouldn't you want to bring

555
00:34:20.960 --> 00:34:23.960
yourself up? Because Honestly, you get to the end of

556
00:34:24.000 --> 00:34:28.119
your life and you say to yourself, what didn't I do?

557
00:34:28.719 --> 00:34:31.920
What could I have done? And why did I complicate

558
00:34:31.960 --> 00:34:33.679
things so much? You listen to people who are on

559
00:34:33.719 --> 00:34:35.639
their deathbed and they say, why did I make it

560
00:34:35.719 --> 00:34:39.519
so difficult? We're all making it too difficult for ourselves.

561
00:34:39.559 --> 00:34:43.039
Not that we don't have to struggle or work and

562
00:34:43.639 --> 00:34:45.800
make money and keep a roof over our head and

563
00:34:45.840 --> 00:34:49.480
all those things, but we can find ways to enjoy.

564
00:34:49.679 --> 00:34:52.039
I mean, there are people who have very little money

565
00:34:52.719 --> 00:34:56.639
and they're just happy. Well it's a choice, and yes,

566
00:34:56.719 --> 00:34:58.800
maybe it's a little genetic, I you know, but.

567
00:34:58.800 --> 00:35:03.679
Still it amazes me here to see people that are

568
00:35:03.840 --> 00:35:09.000
maybe maybe living off of three or four hundred dollars

569
00:35:09.039 --> 00:35:13.719
a month, right, that's it. And yet and I see

570
00:35:13.760 --> 00:35:16.400
how they kind of compensate with drinking and that type

571
00:35:16.440 --> 00:35:20.000
of thing, but many are not doing that, and yet

572
00:35:20.039 --> 00:35:22.199
they're happy. You know, I walk up to someone that

573
00:35:22.239 --> 00:35:24.400
I've never met and it's just HI, how are you?

574
00:35:25.039 --> 00:35:28.760
In their language? But you know, it's so interesting to

575
00:35:28.760 --> 00:35:31.719
see these people that just tend to be happy, even

576
00:35:31.760 --> 00:35:35.400
though if they lived in America in the way that

577
00:35:35.440 --> 00:35:38.719
they're living here, they would be considered homeless, but here

578
00:35:39.039 --> 00:35:42.039
they're just part of a village. They're part of a community.

579
00:35:42.599 --> 00:35:45.679
And that's just how it is. And it's interesting that,

580
00:35:46.199 --> 00:35:51.559
you know, the mindset can create our experience and if

581
00:35:51.599 --> 00:35:54.320
we can get to the point where we don't have

582
00:35:54.440 --> 00:35:57.039
that ego, and you know, that's a whole other topic,

583
00:35:57.480 --> 00:35:59.639
but if we can get to the point where we

584
00:35:59.679 --> 00:36:04.719
start to literally experience happiness, as you say, and those

585
00:36:04.760 --> 00:36:10.440
type of things that we can enjoy life regardless of

586
00:36:10.480 --> 00:36:11.360
what comes our way.

587
00:36:11.760 --> 00:36:13.800
It's really true. Not that you're not going to have

588
00:36:13.840 --> 00:36:17.079
a day or a few days that you're sad, and

589
00:36:17.119 --> 00:36:22.760
that's totally what happens. Yeah, and that's okay, right, right,

590
00:36:22.880 --> 00:36:27.679
it's okay, it's rising. Well, it's actually pushing yourself through

591
00:36:27.760 --> 00:36:32.599
that to be able to experience happier days because you

592
00:36:32.599 --> 00:36:35.360
could stay miserable or not. I mean, people die, we lose,

593
00:36:35.480 --> 00:36:40.360
we lose family, other bad things happen. But again, just

594
00:36:40.440 --> 00:36:43.960
like stay staying in a negative mindset, we have a choice.

595
00:36:44.039 --> 00:36:47.599
We can sink into the quicksand or we can rise

596
00:36:48.239 --> 00:36:51.639
and see the and join the light. And that's what

597
00:36:51.960 --> 00:36:55.239
I choose to do. I want I share with others

598
00:36:55.559 --> 00:36:59.760
to do that, and I'm very compassionate because that's really

599
00:36:59.840 --> 00:37:03.280
what it's about you. You will have difficult times, but

600
00:37:03.920 --> 00:37:08.159
more times will be happy or happier if you allow

601
00:37:08.239 --> 00:37:09.760
it to be that way.

602
00:37:10.199 --> 00:37:12.480
So you have any stories of clients you work with

603
00:37:12.480 --> 00:37:15.559
that you don't have to use names, But does anything

604
00:37:15.639 --> 00:37:18.239
come to mind as far as the story of someone

605
00:37:18.280 --> 00:37:21.519
that you started working with that literally did go from

606
00:37:21.519 --> 00:37:24.679
that anger, that fear, and so forth into a life

607
00:37:24.679 --> 00:37:27.039
where they're starting to enjoy. Could you share one of those?

608
00:37:27.519 --> 00:37:33.119
Yeah? Absolutely. It started with actually making a decision to change.

609
00:37:33.239 --> 00:37:38.920
I mean, this person read my story and it resonated

610
00:37:39.000 --> 00:37:41.639
a lot of the people. They read my story and

611
00:37:41.760 --> 00:37:45.639
what I went through, and it resonates because what I'm

612
00:37:46.079 --> 00:37:49.559
sharing out there is not put on, it's not fake,

613
00:37:49.599 --> 00:37:52.559
it's not all smiles and all of that. But I'm

614
00:37:52.679 --> 00:37:57.079
truly centered in myself. And so what we did is

615
00:37:57.119 --> 00:38:00.840
we work through everything that I went through, through my book,

616
00:38:01.239 --> 00:38:07.079
through worksheets that I share, and it really really worked

617
00:38:07.159 --> 00:38:13.800
because the person wanted to make that change. And it's

618
00:38:14.039 --> 00:38:19.519
just being able to balance work, balance family, balance all

619
00:38:19.599 --> 00:38:23.960
and you can't perfectly balance everything, but you can strive

620
00:38:24.079 --> 00:38:27.159
for more harmony and balance in our lives and be

621
00:38:27.280 --> 00:38:31.280
able to say no to things, because that's really important too.

622
00:38:31.719 --> 00:38:35.079
Some people are people pleasers, some people like this person.

623
00:38:35.360 --> 00:38:38.159
Some people take on too much and don't know how

624
00:38:38.199 --> 00:38:41.599
to say no, and it wreaks havoc. And then that's

625
00:38:41.639 --> 00:38:45.480
when the frustration and the anger and the overwhelm happens,

626
00:38:45.519 --> 00:38:48.199
because how do you deal with all of this and

627
00:38:48.280 --> 00:38:53.559
you have your family and it becomes overwhelming, and so

628
00:38:53.800 --> 00:38:57.719
being able to say no, to stop with the people pleasing,

629
00:38:58.239 --> 00:39:03.760
and to just be themselves, don't judge themselves, don't judge

630
00:39:04.119 --> 00:39:08.400
other people, just let that judgment go and slowly but

631
00:39:08.519 --> 00:39:12.880
surely recognizing it and making these patterns a whole new

632
00:39:12.920 --> 00:39:16.840
person because this person wanted to do it. And that's

633
00:39:17.079 --> 00:39:21.639
honestly what it comes down to. It. It's simpler than

634
00:39:22.159 --> 00:39:26.199
it sounds. It's simpler than we think it would be

635
00:39:26.199 --> 00:39:29.760
because we're so caught up in the negative mindset or

636
00:39:30.360 --> 00:39:33.320
other things going on in our minds that we can't

637
00:39:33.360 --> 00:39:36.920
separate ourselves and we need to. What you said is

638
00:39:37.559 --> 00:39:41.119
walk us alongside ourselves and actually see what's going on.

639
00:39:41.199 --> 00:39:43.800
But that's where it's helpful to have an accountability partner

640
00:39:43.880 --> 00:39:47.519
or a mentor or a confidant or somebody that can

641
00:39:47.599 --> 00:39:50.440
actually be honest with you and say, this is what

642
00:39:50.440 --> 00:39:54.159
you're doing, and you need to stop it by doing

643
00:39:54.239 --> 00:39:58.719
these things. And that's how it works. It doesn't take forever,

644
00:39:59.239 --> 00:40:00.480
and it takes work.

645
00:40:00.920 --> 00:40:03.679
It takes work. And I appreciate you saying that because

646
00:40:04.119 --> 00:40:06.440
you know, as I look, as I look at that

647
00:40:06.760 --> 00:40:09.000
is like you know, as I look at my own life,

648
00:40:09.039 --> 00:40:14.400
oh my goodness, the studying, the working, the meditation, all

649
00:40:14.440 --> 00:40:17.159
of the stuff that I'm still doing and still doing.

650
00:40:17.639 --> 00:40:22.199
But it's work, but it's worth it because and I

651
00:40:22.239 --> 00:40:24.639
think that's the key for people is to understand that,

652
00:40:24.760 --> 00:40:26.679
you know what, you are going to have to work.

653
00:40:26.960 --> 00:40:28.599
You're going to have to work at this. You're going

654
00:40:28.639 --> 00:40:30.679
to have to look at it and analyze it, be

655
00:40:30.800 --> 00:40:34.719
humble enough to accept what's going on, and being courageous

656
00:40:34.840 --> 00:40:37.280
enough to be willing to say, all right, I will

657
00:40:37.280 --> 00:40:41.719
make that change. And as you do that, recognizing that

658
00:40:41.800 --> 00:40:44.719
it's work. As you do that, all of a sudden,

659
00:40:45.239 --> 00:40:47.679
you start to see the light at the end of

660
00:40:47.679 --> 00:40:50.400
the tunnel. And you know, every once in a while,

661
00:40:50.559 --> 00:40:52.880
you know, the light goes away for a bit, but

662
00:40:53.039 --> 00:40:56.280
you always get back to that light, because that's the

663
00:40:56.360 --> 00:41:01.079
mental attitude that you've developed. So as we close, and

664
00:41:01.320 --> 00:41:05.199
you've said so many wonderful things, but I would love

665
00:41:05.239 --> 00:41:07.840
for you again to take just whatever has come to

666
00:41:07.920 --> 00:41:11.920
your mind. What would be a message that you'd ultimately

667
00:41:12.079 --> 00:41:13.719
like to leave with the audience today?

668
00:41:14.199 --> 00:41:18.920
And you just said something about courage, and I believe

669
00:41:19.480 --> 00:41:25.920
that partnering your confidence, your courage, building the resilience to

670
00:41:25.960 --> 00:41:28.760
be able to bounce back and to know that things

671
00:41:28.840 --> 00:41:31.800
will be okay. Having that in your mind because you

672
00:41:31.960 --> 00:41:36.239
see it over time. Having that perspective is what I

673
00:41:36.320 --> 00:41:41.199
think is so important for people to cultivate and to

674
00:41:41.440 --> 00:41:45.599
trust themselves, because so many times I see that people

675
00:41:45.679 --> 00:41:48.960
don't trust themselves. The fear and the worry and all

676
00:41:49.000 --> 00:41:54.239
the negative emotions take over. And honestly, if we want

677
00:41:54.280 --> 00:41:58.480
to go inside, we really can trust ourselves, whether we

678
00:41:58.599 --> 00:42:00.679
lead on our instincts or into wish And I don't

679
00:42:00.679 --> 00:42:04.559
say that's always going to work, but it definitely take

680
00:42:04.599 --> 00:42:09.719
a pause and trust yourself, give yourself a really big hug,

681
00:42:10.159 --> 00:42:14.760
Be kind to yourselves, as I say, personally considerate, treat

682
00:42:14.800 --> 00:42:18.360
yourself the way you would like others to treat you,

683
00:42:18.880 --> 00:42:23.840
and then work on your confidence, your resilience, your courage,

684
00:42:24.239 --> 00:42:28.559
your positive mindset and just look forward to every day,

685
00:42:29.000 --> 00:42:31.880
say a positive affirmation and all like kind of say

686
00:42:32.039 --> 00:42:32.840
hug yourself.

687
00:42:33.119 --> 00:42:36.599
Great, great Deborah, thank you so much. This has been

688
00:42:36.639 --> 00:42:39.599
a great conversation and I appreciate your insights.

689
00:42:40.079 --> 00:42:41.840
Thank you. I appreciate yours.

690
00:42:42.800 --> 00:42:44.800
So let me ask you again, and I guess renew

691
00:42:44.960 --> 00:42:47.239
with the audience. The name of your book number one?

692
00:42:47.320 --> 00:42:50.360
And then two, how do people find you? What's your website?

693
00:42:50.559 --> 00:42:53.239
So the name of the book is six Steps to

694
00:42:53.440 --> 00:42:58.280
Fewer Days that Suck, Ditch unhealthy habits and zip happier

695
00:42:58.360 --> 00:43:04.039
You because there's a big zipper times Zippy and unleash

696
00:43:04.159 --> 00:43:10.039
the sunshine. And my website is the Daily Decisions with

697
00:43:10.119 --> 00:43:13.159
an s dot Com because we need to make these

698
00:43:13.280 --> 00:43:16.599
daily decisions to change our lives, to change the trajectory

699
00:43:16.639 --> 00:43:20.960
of our lives. And if you go to the Dailidecisions

700
00:43:21.000 --> 00:43:23.920
with an S dot Com Forward s lish Inspire, you

701
00:43:23.960 --> 00:43:27.679
can join my Positive Energy Club. It's complementary or free

702
00:43:28.119 --> 00:43:31.559
and you can download I share its companion to six

703
00:43:31.559 --> 00:43:34.559
Steps to Fewer Days that Sucks, but it works on

704
00:43:35.159 --> 00:43:39.719
it's a standalone as well. It's a happiness worksheets. It's

705
00:43:40.000 --> 00:43:44.199
motivational worksheets and feel good activities that you can do

706
00:43:44.920 --> 00:43:49.000
to make yourself feel good. All kinds of ideas of

707
00:43:49.000 --> 00:43:53.039
what you can do. So that's exactly where I live.

708
00:43:53.320 --> 00:43:56.239
And if anyone wants to contact me, I'd be happy

709
00:43:56.280 --> 00:43:59.400
to chat, and it would be my pleasure because I

710
00:43:59.440 --> 00:44:02.079
want everybody to get on stock and be happier.

711
00:44:03.199 --> 00:44:06.599
Thank you so much. I really appreciate a debbor. That's great,

712
00:44:06.639 --> 00:44:09.159
And folks, hey, I hope this has been meaningful for you,

713
00:44:09.199 --> 00:44:11.079
and I hope you've picked up a couple of tidbits

714
00:44:11.079 --> 00:44:13.880
here that will motivate you if you're in that situation

715
00:44:14.119 --> 00:44:17.639
of not experiencing happiness enjoying your life, you know, get

716
00:44:17.679 --> 00:44:20.639
to your website and get to Debor's website and kind

717
00:44:20.639 --> 00:44:23.440
of see what's going on, read that book which will

718
00:44:23.440 --> 00:44:28.000
be on Amazon, I assume, and really see what you

719
00:44:28.039 --> 00:44:31.000
can do about changing your life. So anyway, appreciate you

720
00:44:31.079 --> 00:44:33.559
joining us and look forward to having you join us

721
00:44:33.559 --> 00:44:42.199
again soon. This is doctor Doug saying, I'm Mistae